The 9th episode of MatH became the fifth episode of 3'sC and placed #10 in the ratings. It's always been my least favorite of the first season of 3'sC, but there are definitely worse episodes in the series. "Colour Me Yellow" aired 16 January 1974, "Jack the Giant Killer" April 14, 1977.
Squalor: In London, the girls are scraping off the wallpaper. They enjoy the "squalor" of their flat, but it's in their lease that they have to redecorate every three years. (This suggests that they lived with Eleanor for a couple years before she left.) Meanwhile, the American girls are working on the couch.
Robin is off at his judo lesson, which Chrissy says is "like flower-arranging, with violence." When he returns, he wants to demonstrate judo on Chrissy, but she says he's after "a quick Japanese fumble."
Robin: Look, I'm not going to be able to learn if you won't let me practise on you.
Chrissy: Yeah, that's what they all say.
Robin pretends to be "a young sweet girl" walking down the street. Chrissy says, "In high boots and a miniskirt?...You're a bit old-fashioned. They went out years ago."
Robin tells her, "You're a big, rough, drunken sailor and you're gonna ravish me." He has her grab him and "force him down" onto the sofa. She notices he's not resisting. "I'm one of those girls who like rough, drunken sailors. Give us a kiss!"
Jack was out riding his bike. He says he has to keep in shape as, "old watchdog Jack." He was following a girl with "a jiggling seat." He fixed her seat.
Like a "real upholsterer," he puts the tacks in his mouth as he works on the couch. Then he pretends he swallowed the tacks. Janet is about to get him some water, but he says, "No water, the tacks will get rusty," and reveals that he hid them in his hand.
Toothache: Downstairs, both Mr. Ropers wonder about the thumping upstairs. Mildred says that the kids are redecorating, "just like you did in 1947." Helen says that they're redecorating. Stanley says he just redecorated. She says, "I think the style's have changed since 1947." He says it was two years ago, when her mother was visiting. (It's not clear if Janet and Chrissy were living there yet, but I doubt it.)
Helen: I don't see how anything could get that grubby in two years.
Stanley: Don't look at me, it's your mother.
Mildred is looking through a catalog and hands it to George.
Mildred: George, how would you fancy me coming to bed in that?
George: What, a golfcart?
She's talking about the see-through nightie. He'd rather see her in the golfcart. She says, "It's sexy, George," but he says it'd "be like wrapping a brick in Christmas paper."
The Amer-Ropers have a similar conversation, only there's nothing about Christmas paper.
Both Mr. Ropers are cranky because of toothaches. The Mrs. Ropers suggest taking aspirin, Mildred recommending 100, Helen the whole bottle. The Mr. Ropers say their wives would enjoy being merry widows. Mildred, who's smoking, says that there is a black coat. (Coat?) Helen asks Stanley to see if the nightie comes in black.
Wallpaper: Robin wants to demonstrate with the lamp how he would treat a rude man. Chrissy says, "Look, are you gonna strip off or not?" He says, "You know, I've been waiting for that invitation."
The American girls accidentally set the couch on Jack's foot. After they lift it, he says that nine toes are more than enough. He reacts to Janet's "slave-driving" with "I would hate to work for you in your flower shop. I bet you've got all the daisies standing at attention," a line that becomes ironic the next season with the episode "Jack in the Flower Shop."
Chrissy shows Robin the wallpaper. He says it's a bit plain. She says that's the back. He looks at the front and prefers the back.
He wants the room to reflect his personality. She says if they put up randy wallpaper, they'll have the police round.
She suggests various tasks. Jo says, "Or we could go to the pub?" He of course chooses that.
Amer-Chrissy says it's Saturday, but Janet says they agreed to work on the apartment. There's the "back of the wallpaper" exchange, and then Chrissy suggests going to the pub, which Jack approves.
Pub Showdown: At the Mucky Duck, there are two blokes with moustaches. According to the credits, the big one is named Mick, his friend Paddy. If they're supposed to be Irish, I can't tell by the accents. The two guys at the bar in the Regal Beagle are Jeff (big guy with a captain's hat) and Pete (his friend). There's little or no reference to their names within the programs, but I'm naming them here for clarity.
Mick is bragging about a recent date. "Before she could say she wasn't that sort of a girl, she was." Jeff had a girl out on his boat, and he told her it was a long swim back to shore. Jeff stole the girl from her boyfriend, but Mick isn't any better, since he's rude to Jim the Landlord.
The trios come in. Brit-Chrissy says they should be scraping the walls, while Janet tells her roommates that this is just a little break. Jack says, "You can work on the walls, and Chrissy and I will get on the sofa."
Brit-Chrissy/Janet calls Robin/Jack lazy. Jo/Amer-Chrissy says all men are like that, "it's in their genes," with the implied pun of "jeans."
Robin wants to put his order on the slate. Jim says, "Your slate's big enough to put a roof on a council house." Amer-Jim, who makes his premiere here, only ever gets straight lines. Jack orders from the barmaid instead. (The 3'sC barmaids seem to constantly change by the way, although one did feature in a plot in the Cindy era.)
After Robin goes back to the table, Mick tells Paddy that Robin is selfish, with two birds. He plans to "give the dark one a bit of a thrill." Jeff tells Pete, "That poor guy got stuck with two broads. I think I'll do him a favor."
Robin is talking about judo, while Jack is explaining that fixing a sofa is a man's job, because men are naturally stronger. He talks about man's role all through history, as worker and protector.
Mick/Jeff offers the Chrissies a drink. They say no, but Mick/Jeff is persistent. After Amer-Chrissy tells him to take a walk, he says he's got a 35-foot cabin cruiser, so she says, "Then take a cruise."
He asks if she's with anybody. Robin says that his Chrissy is with him, well, him and Jo. Amer-Chrissy says, "I am with him!" Jack says that in a sense, they're all together.
Mick says it's not fair that Robin has both girls. Robin/Jack stands up and starts to warn Mick/Jeff. Then Robin sees how tall Mick is. Mick tells him to sit down. Robin does, reluctantly. Jeff tells Jack that the last guy who warned him got all his teeth knocked out. Jack sits back down, because his father paid a fortune for his braces.
Paddy calls Mick over. Mick says he'll be back the next night. "Only don't bring him with ya, 'cause he frightens me." Jeff says he'll be back tomorrow, "but don't bring him along. He frightens me."
Robin/Jack says he didn't want to cause a scene. The girls say he did the right ting. Brit-Chrissy says, "You stood up to him. And then you sat down again." This line gets split between Janet and Amer-Chrissy.
Both sets of Ropers come into the pub and head to the bar. Mr. Roper is in agony because of his toothache, but does anyone feel sorry for him? His wife says yes, he does. Mildred orders a brandy for him. Stanley places his own order. Mick/Jeff jostles Mr. Roper's arm as he's drinking. George calls Mick stupid, while Stanley calls Jeff a clumsy idiot.
Mr. Roper sort of stands up to the bully (Stanley more than George). Mick calls him "a regular little bantam cock" and says he thought they were all sissies in the pub. He buys George another brandy. Jeff says, "Barkeep, another brandy for my friend. We just made an important discovery. We just found a man in this joint. It makes me feel real good to see a little runt like you sticking up for his rights." Stanley sincerely thanks him.
Mick says something about soritng out the men from the mice and rabbits. Jim comes by the table and tells Robin, "Cheese and lettuce for you." Robin glares at him. The Amer-barmaid comes over and says to the girls, "Let's see, you two are the egg salad," then to Jack, "And I believe you're the chicken."
A smile: The next morning, Jo is burning breakfast again. Janet is ready for her cooking lesson, a cheese omelet. Jack thinks she's offering him cheese because he's a mouse, not a man. It turns out she didn't take off the plastic wrap.
Both men are defensive about last night. Jack thinks he's a coward, "yellow." He says that in school fat Kenny Jensen threatened to beat him up every morning unless he got a nickel. Jack put him through college.
Janet again tells Jack he did the right thing. He says he's going to go shave. She asks about the omelet. He says he couldn't even beat up an egg.
Robin/Jack walks in on the Chrissies in the shower. The curtain is drawn but Brit-Chrissy pokes out her head and we can hear Amer-Chrissy, as they ask when he's going to fix the lock. Robin says he will as soon as he loses interest in the naked female form. Jack says, "Why don't you call a man to do it?" She says, "We've got a man, you."
Both men pretend their shaving cream dissolves plastic and spray it on the shower curtain. The Chrissies scold them, but they say that the way they feel, they "couldn't even raise a smile."
Robin asks if she thinks he's a coward. We get a quick cut to her in the shower, shoulders up. She says what Jo told him, at least he still has all his teeth. Amer-Chrissy pokes her head out to reply that they like him just the way he is, with a face and everything.
Like a bee: Downstairs, Mr. Roper is dwelling on his triumph last night, although his wife thought she might get the black coat/nightgown after all. George compares the fight to Clay & Liston. He misquotes Clay/Ali, "Sting like a butterfly, float like a bee." Both he and Stanley demonstrate boxing moves. They want to see the Sunday paper, but it hasn't come yet. Stanley says maybe the fight made the sports page. She says, "Or the funnies." Mildred says he's been talking about this for 24 hours, but the chronology is messed up on MatH9. She attributes his courage to his toothache.
John Wayne: Back in the upstairs flat, Chrissy tells Jo, "You could lay a speedway trap with your sausages." Jo admits they may actually be eggs.
Robin is still upset about his "cowardice." Chrissy tells him, "You can't all be John Wayne. There have to be some Woody Allens in the world." Jo says he's brave for almost finishing breakfast.
In the lounge, he turns on the radio. "The Ballad of High Noon" plays. He turns it off angrily at the repeated word "coward."
In the American apartment, Jack laughs at the funnies. Janet is surprised that they got the paper since they don't subscribe. Chrissy says that the nice paperboy waited for her to bend over and pick up the paper before he rode away.
Jack is reading a comic about a little guy who drops a can of paint on a bully's head.
Jack: Now why couldn't I have done that?
Chrissy: Because you can't draw.
She says she hates violence. Her father always said in his sermons, "He who lives by the sword shall die by the sword." Jack replies, "Yeah, well, you can tell your father that if I'd been David, Goliath would still be alive today."
George comes by for his copy of News of the World. Ther's a wet paintbrush lying on one section. In the kitchen, the girls are putting burnt food and pink paint on the rest of the paper.
The other Mr. Roper wants his paper. Unfortunately, as Jack goes to answer the door, he angrily tears the funnies to show what he should've done to Jeff. Before Stanley finds out, he says he likes Andy Capp. "Now there's a guy who knows how to treat women."
Jack hands Mr. Roper the torn funnies. Then he goes to the kitchen, but Janet has knocked the coffee pot onto the rest of the paper. Chrissy suggests putting the paper in the dryer.
George doesn't seem upset. He boasts about standing up to Mick. Robin gets paint on him while gesturing with a brush.
Stanley is much angrier. Jack offers to treat him at the pub, although the girls don't want Jack to go back there. Mr. Roper says he heard about the incident. He tells Jack, "You could never get into a fight. It would ruin your nails."
Chrissy: You know, if women ran the world, there'd be none of these stupid wars. (Janet nods.)
Stanley: Yeah, all the countries would nag each other to death. (The audience applauds and whistles.)
He calls Jack Tinkerbell, I think for the first time to his face. And then when Mrs. Roper comes up, he says he was "telling all the girls here" they can come to him for protection. But he's not so brave when she tells him that the dentist can see him today.
Plates: The trios do return to their pubs, although the girls are all reluctant. Jo says they should go to The Feathers instead.
The Chrissies think that the male roommates hope to get out of redecorating by being sent to the hospital.
Robin smokes and consults his judo book. Jo says, "All men are the same. Now if women ran this world, there'd be no wars." Surprisingly, it's Chrissy who gets the "nag" line.
Jim wants Robin to settle up his slate before the big fellow comes in. Chrissy wants them to drink up and go home. She offers to do "the dance of the seven dust sheets" for Robin. He says, "You think I'm sex-mad, don't you?" She says, yes, going by the books hidden underneath his bed. Jo says they're under his wardrobe.
Jack has a very strong whiskey. Chrissy thinks they should drink up and leave quickly.
When Jack says, "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do," Janet sarcastically says, "John Wayne rides again."
Mick/Jeff enters. Mick just says hello, but Jeff says, "Hello, Sweetie," with a limp writst gesture. Robin doesn't like the way Mick said it. Robin checks his judo book again.
Jack is more understandably offended. He wants to order their sandwiches, but Janet goes to the bar this time. She makes the guy laugh by saying Jack will knock his block off. Jack gets to his feet. Chrissy says, "He's only laughing. I mean, Janet is funny sometimes, you know?"
Chrissy takes Robin's empty glass to the bar and talks to Mick. After awhile, Robin comes over.
Robin: Is he insulting you?
Chrissy: No!
Robin: Well, he did last night.
Jack has a similar conversation with Janet.
Robin thinks an apology is in order, the way Mick was insulting people, knocking over drinks. Then Robin accidentally knocks over Mick's drink. And then he does it on purpose. Mick is angry but he goes elsewhere in the pub.
After Jack accidentally knocks over Jeff's drink while talking about knocking over drinks, he says he's not sorry. He makes a fake martial arts move and cry. Jeff apologizes and leaves for another part of the pub.
Jim says Robin was foolhardy, especially with his "dicky [weak] heart and a silver plate in his skull." That's what Chrissy told Mick. While Robin's denying it, Mick comes back. Robin feigns a headache and pain in his chest.
Amer-Jim gives Jack a drink on the house. He says he didn't know about the steel plate in Jack's head, the one he got saving his platoon in Vietnam. (This would make Jack let's say 24+ in 1977, if he'd joined up in '71 or earlier.) Janet admits that this is what she told "the creep."
Both sets of girls think their male roommates were brave for standing up to the bullies.
Jack: I guess I was a hero, even if I didn't go to Vietnam.
Jeff: (returning) What?
Jack: It was Cambodia.
In nervousness, Jack falls back in his chair. From the floor, he salutes. The girls laugh heartily.
Commentary: This pair of episodes are about what it means to be a man. Both Robin and Jack are fairly athletic, although not as much as they pretend. Part of why they live with the girls is to offer protection, as the Chrissies' mothers pointed out in the second episodes. But when faced with bullies, they aren't as brave and tough as they'd like to be, and they suffer crises in confidence. Impotent in one sense, it's also implied that they can no longer get erections, even when the Chrissies are in the shower. (The smile line is par for the course on MatH but very racy for 3'sC.)
Meanwhile, the "runty" Mr. Ropers, prompted by the agony of toothaches, stand up to the bullies. Their wives are not impressed. Stanley's line about Andy Capp is interesting because that comic strip character (British but popular world-wide) treats his wife horribly: frequently coming home drunk, cheating on her, sponging off her, and (until readers protested) beating her up. Mr. Roper does none of these things, and I don't think he particularly wants to, but he probably envies Andy never being outsmarted by his wife (which Helen does to him on a regular basis).
The most stereotypically manly of the characters in these episodes are the bullies. Robin (in a scene that pops up later on 3'sC, I think somewhere in the second season) jokes about Chrissy ravishing him, but he's not being forced down or into anything, and we know he wouldn't really force Chrissy. Mick and Jeff though come across as having no respect for consent. Not only do they ignore the Chrissies' pleas that they go away, but it's implied that they attacked the two nameless women. (Certainly, Jeff didn't give the woman on his boat much choice.) They of course bully Robin and Jack, as well as implying that neither is a "real man."
Paddy and Pete are the sort of men who encourage their friends to act like jerks, at least to a point. The two Jims come across as the most pleasant men in these two episodes, sensible and concerned.
The fictional men mentioned are Jack and Chrissy's fathers. Again, Reverend Snow's being a minister is significant to his daughter's character. And we're reminded again that Jack is solidly middle-class. His father could afford braces for him, but they cost a fortune. (Also, Jack could afford to pay Kenny Jensen a nickel every schoolday.)
The two extremes of male role models are John Wayne and Woody Allen, both American, but stoic Western hero and neurotic Eastern intellectual. Of course, even Wayne and Allen didn't completely fit those stereotypes. So Robin and Jack don't have to either, although it takes them awhile to realize that. Jack in particular has it hard because he's being called effeminate by both Jeff and Mr. Roper.
I don't think either show is saying that violence is in men's genes, but doubts about manhood are part of being a man, particularly in such a transitional time as the 1970s. And now that I've been able to analyze these episodes, I like "Jack the Giant Killer" more than I used to. Its statement on gender and violence is more ambiguous than I once thought.
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