When they made the second 3'sC pilot, they based it on the second episode of MatH, known as "And Mother Makes Four." They gave everyone new names and recast the girls. Joyce DeWitt became Janet, but Susan Lanier was Chrissy. It was taped on Nov. 5th, 1976, months after the David/Jenny/Sam pilot. On the other hand, MatH's second episode aired a week after its first. And the second episode of 3'sC, with this same plot and name, aired March 24th, 1977, placing #6 in the ratings, after the premiere placed #28.
The differences between these three versions of one plot aren't as sharp as those for the pilots, but still notable. Also, we can see how the second episodes grow out of the first (or don't). Here goes.
It's the same old song: I forgot to mention that MatH's theme song has a laugh track, which is a bit disconcerting. 3'sC1B has that darn "dooty-dooty-doo" song, but at least they've put the trio and the Ropers' in the living room. 3'sC2 has the same actions as before, except this time Mr. Roper somehow gets his plunger disfigured offscreen.
It's raining, it's pouring: The rain that figures so prominently in this plot gets mentioned straight off on MatH, with Chrissy remarking that they never had weather like this before they joined the Common Market. She and Jo have just come home on the Tube, which is packed with men who either grope you or don't. Although Jo has been established as a wretched cook, she still does some of the cooking. There's a ring around today's date (the 15th), which they assume is because Robin is moving in.
On 3'sC2, Janet waters a plant and then, in the almost-New-York accent she slips into in these early episodes, she threatens, "All right, you dumb plant, don't just sit there. Grow!" Chrissy comes in and says she cleaned Jack's room. Janet is glad she's getting used to the idea of Jack moving in.
Chrissy: Not really, but as long as Jack's living here, we ought to make him feel at home.
Janet: I already did my bit. I left the toilet seat up.
Chrissy is still unsure. Janet talked her into letting Jack move in.
Chrissy: He's a man, you know how men are.
Janet: Not lately.
Janet says to look at Jack as one-third of the rent, a watchdog, a cook.
Chrissy: How's he going to be looking at us?
Janet: (suggestively) As his dessert.
Chrissy looks worried, but Janet was just kidding.
On 3'sC2, Chrissy put up clean curtains. Janet put that toilet seat up. She thinks Chrissy is going to spoil Jack, who's used to the YMCA. Chrissy moved a plant into Jack's room. Unaware of this, Janet accidentally waters the table it was on.
Janet1 tells Chrissy she just has to not tempt him. (Blame the victim much?) Janet2 worries that Chrissy gives guys the wrong idea. Bending over, both Amer-Chrissies say, "I'll watch it." The Janets say, "So will he."
Chrissy is worried her father will find out about Jack living there, or "living with a boy" as Chrissy1 puts it. Both Amer-Chrissies moved from Fresno to LA, "Sin City" as her father calls it. She's sure he'll know. Janet says, "He's a minister, not God." On 3'sC2, there's thunder. Janet says the weatherman predicted thunderstorms tonight.
Ring my bell: On MatH, Mr. Roper is trying to fix the doorbell for the building. On 3's C, he's fixing the one for the girls' apartment. When he arrives, Janet calls him "Mr. Roper, our smiling landlord." Mrs. Roper is carrying a stepladder. On 3'sC1B she says she's assisting, which is improved on the later version to "I'm caddying."
Mr. Roper didn't come by the apartment before because he's been very busy. Mrs. Roper says he's been busy napping. He says he was just watching TV with his eyes closed.
Stanley: If I want to sleep, I'll go to bed.
Helen: And if he goes to bed, he wants to sleep.
Stanley: What's wrong with that?
Helen: Oh, fix the doorbell, Stanley. It's time somebody's chimes were rung in this house.
Stanley: You know, it's a shame your fairy roommate hasn't checked in yet...He could fix this without a laddder. He could just fly up.
Helen: You know, Stanley was born with that sense of humor. That and a few other birth defects.
He holds the loose wires of the doorbell, although Helen warns him that this is dangerous. He asks if they've been playing with the wires. Amer-Chrissy2 says, "Maybe it's like shoelaces, if you don't tie the bows tight." Both Janets say, "A girl's gotta have some fun." Mrs. Roper says, "OK, Captain Queeg, you got your confession, now make the bell go ding-dong."
Cabs: On MatH we get an exterior shot of Robin moving many bags, boxes, and suitcases out of a cab, in the rain. The fare is 48 p (pence). He apologises about the jar of pickled onions that broke. The cabbie makes no attempt to help him. On 3'sC, both versions, we get identical scenes of the cabbie walking Jack to the apartment door. Jack has a couple bags of groceries. He apologizes about the pickled onions. He admits that the smell will take a month to get rid of. The fare is $2.75. But when the cabbie hears Mr. Roper screaming every time Jack rings the bell, he returns the money and says, "I didn't hear nothin', I didn't see nothin', and I don't know nothin'!" He flees.
On MatH, the cabbie isn't around to react to Mr. Roper's screams.
Robin: I did ring.
Mr. Roper: Don't you know what knockers are for?
Robin: Is that a riddle?
Amer-Chrissy asks why Mr. Roper is screaming. Mrs. Roper says, "He's trying to tell you someone's ringing your doorbell." Chrissy goes to let Jack in.
We learn that Robin owns a guitar. He doesn't play, he just brings it to parties. Mrs. Roper, who's heading out to the Mucky Duck pub, says that Mr. Roper will "hump" (carry) all of Robin's things upstairs. Before she goes, she says re Robin living at the Y, she can imagine what it's like with all those men, and often has.
Robin/Jack moves in: Chrissy greets Robin by teasing him about how wet he is from the rain. She tells him they need his share of the rent to pay last month's rent. "Put it there. Not your hand. The rent." Mr. Roper comes in with some of the luggage. He complains that he's the landlord, not a servant, but he's happy when Robin tips him 50 p.
Stanley: (to Jack) Couldn't you knock?
Helen: I'd better get him to bed while he's still moving.
Stanley: I don't want to go to bed. I want to watch Name That Tune.
Helen: That's his favorite program. Ever since he guessed "The Star-Spangled Banner" in seven notes.
Amer-Mr. Roper says he'll fix the doorbell later, "unless the, uh, interior decorator would like to do it.
Jack: I'm not an interior decorator.
Stanley: Oh, I thought all you f-- fellows were.
Jack: What fellows?
Stanley: You know. [He makes a Tinkerbell sign. Jack exchanges amused glances with the girls.]
Jack: Not all of us are interior decorators. Some of us are boxers.
Stanley: You'd actually hit another guy?
Jack: Only if he tried to make fun of us. [He cracks his knuckles. Mr. Roper flees.]
On 3'sC1B, Janet tells Jack, "Welcome to Disneyland." On 3'sC2, Chrissy says, "It's only fair [that they carry Jack's things in]. If they were my bags, you'd have to carry them." Jack says, "That almost makes sense." Janet carries two heavy bags. Chrissy carries a small stack of books. Jack thanks her. Janet looks furious.
Then we get the thing about Mrs. Roper imagining the YMCA. She invites everyone to the Regal Beagle. Chrissy explains that this is "a pub, just like they have in England." (Then why did they rename it from the Mucky Duck?) Mrs. Roper says it's nice and cozy. "A little wine, a little bread, a little thou." On 3'sC1B, she strokes his shoulder, very flirtatious.
Jack: No thanks. Not tonight. I've got an early class tomorrow.
Mrs. Roper: Not tonight. That's the perfect title for my autobiography.
After she leaves, Janet says the "put it there" and "last month's rent" lines.
On MatH, there's a scene in Robin's very small bedroom. Chrissy points out the various parts of the flat, including "out of bounds," meaning her room. She tells him that they lock the room at night She goes through his bag of books. Cookbooks and Naked Be My Nympho. On 3'sC1B, Amer-Chrissy goes through the books. The moment is omitted on 3'sC2.
On 3'sC, Jack asks how long he'll have to let Roper think he's gay.
Janet: Oh, as long as you live here. That's the only way he'll allow it.
Jack: Well, just as long as you know different.
On 3'sC1B, Janet says, "You don't have to prove it."
Chrissy: OK, Jack, into the kitchen and show me what you've got.
Jack: Now???
Janet: She means the groceries.
But the phone rings and Chrissy answers it. Back on MatH, it rang while Chrissy was in Robin's bedroom.
Mother, Mother: Brit-Chrissy's mother is calling, apparently from a pay phone. She's shopping in London and she says she'll be at their flat in fifteen minutes. Now we know why the 15th was circled. Chrissy remarks to Jo that her mother visits twice a year, for some reason I can't catch, and "to make sure I haven't married a black man."
Jo: She worries about you.
Chrissy: She'll worry even more when she sees him!
Janet helps Jack put away the groceries. "You always carry your pickled onions loose?"
Chrissy comes in, on 3'sC1B, exclaiming, "Mother! Mother!" Janet says, "Chrissy, don't swear." This is understandably dropped for 3'sC2. Chrissy says that her mother will be there in a few minutes. She's in LA visiting her dentist. (They don't have dentists in Fresno?)
Brit-Chrissy says, "Two girls living in a flat with a fellow. I know what my mother will think.
Jo: They're doing it all over the place.
Chrissy: That's what she'll think.
On 3'sC1B, Jack gets Jo's line, Janet Brit-Chrissy's. But on 3'sC2, Brit-Chrissy's line goes to Amer-Chrissy. On 3'sC2, we also get this exchange.
Janet: I thought your father was the problem.
Jack: Your father's living with two girls?
Jo suggests Chrissy tell her mother what they told the Ropers, that Robin is a "pooft." Chrissy says that her mother thinks that's something you put your feet on (pouffe). She says Robin should go out for a few hours. So when Robin comes in, she tries to send him to the British Museum. He wants to watch Tom & Jerry. (The cartoon?) Chrissy says that's in black & white. "Life is out there, in colour!"
Jo says she'll take Robin to the Mucky Duck. On 3'sC, it's Chrissy's idea for Janet to take Jack to the Regal Beagle. On MatH and 3'sC2, Jo/Janet says, "You'll like it there. The beer is flat but the barmaid's not." Jack says, "Move 'em out!" Robin is more reluctant and frets that it's his personal freshness that makes Chrissy want him to leave. Jo says she'll explain. On 3'sC1B, Janet tells Chrissy to put the toilet seat down.
Mucky Beagle: Jo explains off-camera. Robin says his mother doesn't trust him, so he doesn't see why anyone else should.
Mrs. Roper greets them at the bar. Robin is treating, so she orders "the right one, the bright one, the most beautiful drink in the world." (Apparently a reference to a '70s advert for Martinis.)
Robin: Er, yeah, and one of them.
Mildred: Talking of one of them, you aren't, are you?
Robin says no, that was just Chrissy's little joke. "I'm as normal as Mr. Roper." Mrs. Roper says, "Oh, don't spoil it."
On 3's C, Mrs. Roper is playing darts. She greets Jack and Janet. She invites them to sit and have a drink. Jack ogles the barmaid in the lowcut blouse. He starts to order a jug on 3'sC1B, while on 3'sC2, he says, "I'll have a couple of-- One beer is fine."
Jack2: She's so healthy.
Janet2: Down, Boy.
Mrs. Roper exclaims, "I knew it! You're not gay, are you?" Janet looks terrified.
Helen: Please don't be.
Jack: I'm not.
Helen: I knew it!
Jack: I'm as normal as Mr. Roper.
Helen: Don't spoil it.
Jo/Janet says there's nothing going on in their apartment. Mrs. Roper says, "Well, there's not a lot going on in ours, Dear, and we're married"/ "There's nothing going on in ours either. And we've got a license"/ "There's nothing going on in ours either" (in chronological order).
And Mother makes four: Chrissy's mother arrives. She complains of the London/LA cabs smelling of pickled onions. She observes that the girls had the carpet cleaned. "No, it's just the walls have gotten dirtier."
On MatH, Chrissy's mother makes the not fully explained remark that Dad "has been up for worrying sheep." (I think he's a farmer.) He sent some sort of long, green vegetable.
Amer-Chrissy's mom is catching the 10:45 p.m. bus back to Fresno, to Chrissy's relief.
Chrissy's parents worry about her in London/LA. Brit-Chrissy says she hasn't been mugged in days. It's not just the crimes and muggings. Brit-Chrissy's mother has read wild stories of pop stars and footballers, in the parish magazine, while Amer-Chrissy's mother has read about wild parties and orgies in her husband's church magazine. Brit-Chrissy/Amer-Chrissy2 says, "Mother, I wouldn't know an orgy if I fell over one." Amer-Chrissy2's mother says, "Oh, try not to do that, Dear." Brit-Chrissy elaborates, "They might be at it like knives all over South Kent, but they haven't made it compulsory yet."
Mother asks about the two girls Chrissy lives with. Jo/Janet is fine, but Eleanor left to get married.
Mother: Have you got another girl for her room?
Chrissy: Er, no, we haven't got another girl.
Then Mother can stay the night. Uh oh!
To be continued....
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