Dr. Zhivago: On MatH, Mrs. Roper tells Robin he'll fit right into the household. (Because he's sexually mixed-up, too?)
Mildred: Are you sure I can't tempt you?
Robin: Not to a drink, no.
She says she has to go home and "make cocoa for Omar Sharif."
On 3'sC, Jack wants to go home and to bed. Mrs. Roper offers to teach him darts. "I'll show you how to score." Janet suggests he have another beer. Mrs. Roper, except on 3'sC2, chimes in. He refuses them but says yes to the barmaid. The barmaid says there's a call for Janet. Mrs. Roper, referring to the barmaid's chest, says, "Well, I can see I'm outgunned around here." She then delivers the "cocoa" line.
My Beautiful Laundrette: On the phone, Chrissy has just explained about her mother. Jo/Janet asks where Jack's going to stay that night. Brit-Chrissy suggests the laundrette or the railway station. Amer-Chrissy suggests the bus station, but Janet says the cops will pick him up.
Chrissy: How about the 24-hour laundromat?
Janet: The hookers'll pick him up.
Jo/Janet1 doesn't want to tell him and pretends to be a recording (Janet with a nasal voice) before hanging up. On 3'sC2 we instead get this exchange.
Chrissy: Janet, you've got to do something. If it was your mother, I'd do something.
Janet: (happily) Good. Then pretend your mother is my mother and do it.
Carrots: On 3'sC2, Chrissy tries to delay her mother from going to bed by saying they should talk and catch up, but not there, in a motel. "We don't have to use our real names."
On MatH, Chrissy's mother comes out of the bedroom and says that Eleanor seems to have left her football boots behind. Chrissy says they belonged to a boyfriend. She asks if Dad will miss Mother if she doesn't come home that night. "He won't miss me till he runs out of clean underpants."
On both MatH and 3'sC, Chrissy offers to make her mother salad and goes out to get carrots. At this time of night? There's a machine, on the corner. After she leaves, Amer-Chrissy1's mom says, "A carrot machine?"
In the downstairs hallway, George brags about his repair job on the doorbell. He says to tell the young fellow to take the rest of his stuff up himself. Mr. Roper has more important jobs to do. Then the bell falls from the ceiling, on a wire. Chrissy leaves.
Mrs. Roper returns. He tells her he's been working on the bell for 5 hours. She suggests she run a bath and he can scrub her back. He says he'd like to, but he promised to take this lot upstairs. He tells her not to wait up.
War & Peace: Chrissy had suggested on the phone that Robin go see War and Peace, so Jo mentions it to Robin now. On 3'sC, Jack says he doesn't have $20 to throw away on a hotel. ($20 in 1976/7, really? That seems like a lot, even in LA.) Janet suggests the all-night showing of War and Peace, for only $3. Jo says it's the 1932 version, Janet says the original version. It's in the original Russian, and Janet says it's eight hours. Robin/Jack isn't tempted.
Culture note, Robin is smoking, Jack isn't.
Jo/Janet refers to the spare bed. "It's not the spare bed! It's my bed!" Robin/Jack says he'll go back to the flat/apartment, get undressed, and get into bed. "And if anyone is in there, that's their problem."
On MatH, Chrissy is here during this scene, so Jo says she should've told her mother in the first place. Chrissy says it's too late now, although it's not clear why. This is wisely omitted in the American version. On 3'sC, Chrissy comes in as Jack's trying to leave, so both girls grab him by the arms and lead him back to the table, holding him down on it, a nice sight gag.
Cocoa: On 3'sC, Mr Roper is fixing the doorbell. He asks for the screwdriver and Chrissy's mother hands it to him. He asks, "Which mother are you?" She tells him.
On MatH, Mr. Roper and Chrissy's mother are sitting companionably on the couch, drinking cocoa. We find out that the church commissioners own the property, although Mr. Roper still calls himself the landlord.
On both shows, Chrissy's mother says she's sleeping in Eleanor's old room. George seems amused but we don't hear him say anything. On 3'sC however, Stanley says, "Well, I guess you'll be safe enough." She hopes so. He says, "You wouldn't catch me in there, I'm a decent, normal man." She's glad to hear it.
She offers him hot milk. He asks, "Got anything stronger, like cocoa?" He says cocoa if medically proven to help you sleep.
Chrissy's mother: Oh, I believe you.
Stanley: My wife doesn't. You know what she tried to give me once at bedtime? Wheaties. I mean, what's she expect me to do, hit a home run?
Regal Duck: Robin gets Chrissy a drink. He says she's sulking. He offers to walk around the wet streets all night.
Chrissy: You have no intention of doing any such thing.
Robin: Not for a moment.
Jo/Janet1/Amer-Chrissy2 suggests Robin/Jack sleep in their room. He likes the idea. Brit-Chrissy says, "Him? In the same room with two incredibly sexy girls?" Janet2 says, "Him in the same room with us? You in the same room with him?" Amer-Chrissy1 doesn't get any memorable reaction.
Robin/Jack says he'll be on his best behavio(u)r. Then he asks, "Is the bed big enough for three?" Brit-Chrissy says, "He thinks it's his birthday!" Jo says there are two single beds and he won't be sleeping in either of them. Chrissy says, "You'll be cellotaped to the armchair." He says that's better than 4 1/2 hours of War and Peace.
On 3's C1B, Amer-Chrissy1 looks outraged at the "big enough" line, Janet1 mildly annoyed. On 3'sC2, Jack asks the question to Janet as they're leaving. She's furious.
Hiccups: The trio come home. Robin/Jack has hiccups from drinking, four glasses of beer, Jack says. The girls lead him to their bedroom. (Note, the set-up on MatH is confusing. You can't easily map where the rooms of the flat are. On 3'sC, everything leads off the living room, much better for farce.) Robin tries to control his diaphragm but he can't get rid of the hiccups. Jack says he has a surefire cure for hiccups, but he'll need to go to the kitchen.
Amer-Chrissy: You're not leaving this room!
Jack: Anything you say.
On 3'sC1B, we get this exchange that was dropped from the later script.
Jack: OK, who's going to be the lucky girl?
Janet: Both of us.
Jack: (intrigued) Oh yeah?
Janet: (indicating the armchair) You're sleeping here, Big Time.
On 3'sC2, this becomes just her telling "Big Time" he's sleeping in the chair.
Robin starts to take off his shirt, but Brit-Chrissy says he's not getting undressed. He slouches in the chair. "Off you go!" he says, meaning they can get undressed now. Chrissy blindfolds him with a scarf.
On 3'sC, Jack watches as Amer-Chrissy starts to undo her blouse.
Chrissy: You're not going to sit there while we get undressed!
Jack: Will the view be better if I stand?
Janet: (New-Yorky) Go cure your hiccups!
Jack: Whatever happened to the sexual revolution?
On the later version, we get Chrissy's reply, "Your side lost."
'
Lamps: There's a brief scene on MatH. Chrissy's mother turns on Jack's table lamp to check her watch. It's a dirty lamp, with a girl's dress becoming transparent, so that we can see her topless in skimpy black knickers. Chrissy's mother doesn't notice.
On 3'sC, Jack goes in the kitchen, but we stay mostly in the living room. We can hear Jack breathing into a paper bag. Chrissy's mother comes out and looks worried. There's some stage business with a mop that Jack leaves by the sofa, while he's hiding on the floor, making Chrissy's mother put away the mop, saying, "Messy, messy," giving Jack a chance to go back to the girls' room. But the door is locked, so he has to pretend to be a floor lamp, with the shade on his head. She doesn't notice and goes back to bed. Chrissy comes out and he hiccups. She tells him to stop playing games. When they go in the bedroom, he says his hiccups are gone. By now we can hear the thunder.
Beautiful for me: On MatH, Robin says his hiccups are gone, because he's been too busy using his imagination. The girls are now in their nightclothes. Jo is winding her clock. Robin checks the time on his watch. He can apparently see through the blindfold.
Robin: I must say that's a very, very fascinating place where you've got the mole. (The girls look shocked.)
Chrissy: Who?
Robin: You?
Chrissy: Wrong.
He says he's been known to sleep-walk. Chrissy says she's been known to hit sleep-walkers over the head with a clock.
He says he can think of higher things, like football. He'll dream of the score at Wembley. Chrissy says, "You might as well, 'cause you're not gonna score here."
On both shows, the window rattles, either because they didn't close it or because it's stuck. Brit-Chrissy is going to shut it, but she doesn't want Robin to see her in her nightdress, so she makes him do it.
Robin: Say please.
Chrissy: Shove off.
Robin: That's near enough.
On 3'sC, Janet asks Jack to close it.
Jack: Suppose her mother sees me?
Chrissy: I'll do it. Turn around.
Jack does, but he can see her in the mirror. "That's a lovely mole you've got on your thigh." On the later version, we can even see the mole in the mirror ourselves.
While Chrissy's gone, Jack lies on her bed and says, "She's really something. Everywhere you look at her, she's a girl," on the later version starting the line with "Boy, in that nightie...."
Janet: What am I, a gorilla?
Jack: No, you're very bright.
Janet: Ah, more like a chimp.
On the later version, he then tells her, "No, I think you're very cute."
Chrissy comes back in. She can't budge the window and it's raining. Jack says it's up to the man of the house.
Robin in a French accent tells Chrissy, "Make yourself beautiful for me. I shall return." Jack doesn't use an accent when he tells both girls, "I shall return. Meanwhile make yourselves beautiful for me." After he leaves, Brit-Chrissy says, "Bumptious, conceited male chauvinist pig." Janet says, "Of all the vain, arrogant, egotistical--" Jo/Amer-Chrissy says, "He's nice though." Brit-Chrissy/Janet agrees.
Shoes: Chrissy's mother comes in while Robin/Jack is trying to shut the window. He quickly hides on the balcony, on 3'sC falling backwards out of sight. She shuts the window. He's trapped. He taps on the window, on MatH saying hello in a falsetto. Chrissy's mother calls to her. The girls come in. Chrissy denies hearing anything. On 3'sC, Jack knocks on the front door. "I didn't hear that either."
Jo opens the window and lets in Robin, who briefly puts on a Scottish accent. Janet answers the door. Jack is already soaking wet.
Jack: That's it, I don't care whose mother.
Janet: Don't blow it for Chrissy. (louder) Oh, hey, come on in, what a surprise!
Robin/Jack says he was just passing by (less plausibly in Robin's case) and he wanted to invite the girls to an all-night showing of War and Peace. But he can see they're ready for bed. Robin borrows an umbrella, excuses himself, and leaves out the front door. Jack says he'll mosey on his way.
After Robin leaves, Brit-Chrissy's mother notes that he wasn't wearing any shoes.
Jo: That's Robin for you.
On 3'sC2, Amer-Chrissy2's mother exclaims, "Wait, you're not wearing any shoes!"
Chrissy: (panicky) It's against his religion!
Janet: Ah, that is just like Jack, anything to be different. Goodnight, Jack!
On 3'sC1B, it's just Janet saying, "Goodnight, Jack!"
Now that Brit-Chrissy's mother has heard Robin's name, she says, "Robin? Isn't he the young man that shares the flat with you?" Amer-Chrissy's mother says, "Jack? Is this the young man who's sharing the apartment with you?" On both shows, Mr. Roper told her all about it. She thought Robin/Jack must've been away, since the room was empty.
She doesn't mind about Jack living there. On MatH, she says, "Oh, no, Dear, people are doing it all over the place. I shan't worry about you now that you've got a man about the house." The girls are pleased. (Poor Robin! Pointlessly wandering around in the rain all night!)
On 3'sC, Chrissy's mother says, "With all the terrible things going on in this city, it's such a relief that you've got a man to protect you. Or in this case, someone like Jack." He smiles as he gets it, then says, "Well, I promise I'll never let them out of my sight."
After Amer-Chrissy's mother goes to bed, Janet says Jack had better get out of those wet clothes. He says, "I thought you'd never ask." He starts to undo his belt, but Janet says now he can sleep on the sofa. He says, "Goodnight, Janet. Goodnight, Chrissy. Goodnight, John-Boy," a nice little joke, particularly since John Ritter had a recurring role on The Waltons.
Commentary: This is the first example of a Brit-Chrissy plot becoming an Amer-Chrissy plot, despite the differences in their personalities and backgrounds. But then, we've got two very different Chrissies just for 3'sC. I'm not clear why they decided to make Chrissy in the second pilot dubious about "living with a boy." It made sense for Sam in the first pilot to be reluctant, since she'd just met David. But at this point, Chrissy has already agreed to live with Jack. It would make more sense for Janet's character to be suspicious of him, although this is a naughtier Janet than we get later, if less naughty than Jenny. Yes, Chrissy has those conservative parents (at least not racist like Brit-Chrissy's mother), but the plot works just as well on 3'sC2 without Chrissy's reluctance about the living situation. Let other people disapprove. It leaves a bad taste to have one roommate having such mixed feelings, being talked into it. (Yes, Janet has her doubts, but mostly she's cool with it.)
So how's Susan Lanier as Chrissy? (And, yes, there must've been a requirement that they get a "Susan/Suzanne" for the American blonde.) She's not bad. She doesn't have Suzanne Somers's charm, but she does OK. I can see why they replaced her, and rethought the character. It's interesting to see a tougher, naughtier take on Joyce DeWitt's Janet. Jack's arrogance, so prominent on the third American pilot, begins here. I think part of the problem is that there's a humility and politeness to Richard O'Sullivan's Robin, even when he's boasting. John Ritter hasn't yet learned that balance. This is though the pilot where John Ritter starts moving away from David Bell's intellectualism and towards Jack Tripper's pratfalls. This is true of the show as well, although there are still jokes, like the "Capt. Queeg" one, that require some cultural knowledge.
How would David/Sam/Jenny have coped with this plot? They all seem relatively free-spirited, so probably Sam would tell her mother, David would make a speech about our changing society, and Jenny would make some wisecrack. It'd all be over in five minutes.
How do MatH2 and 3'sC2 relate to their previous episodes? Most obviously, in the Robin/Brit-Chrissy and Jack/Janet dynamics. We can see more of the teasing, bantering relationship of Robin and his Chrissy. And while Jack is still ogling his Chrissy, we get more of Janet's protectiveness/jealousy. It's nice that these episodes offer background to the Chrissies, who they are and where they come from. We also see that Brit-Chrissy regards herself as incredibly sexy, while Janet feels like a chimp compared to Amer-Chrissy.
A word on homophobia. Of the three pilots, MatH showed the most homophobic Ropers. Here, Robin's "homosexuality" has suddenly become a non-issue. Yes, Mrs. Roper finds out on 3'sC as well, but Mr. Roper never does. If I recall correctly, on subsequent episodes, Mr. Roper somehow knows on MatH, and he doesn't seem to care, but it's a huge issue for years on 3'sC. On 3'sC, we also get Chrissy's mother implying that Jack isn't quite a man.
I like the introduction of the pubs, which would feature heavily on both shows. Not only is it a new set and a new setting, but it will allow them to interact with new people more than if they're just hanging around home.
From here on out, there will be only two episodes to compare, one MatH, one 3'sC. In cases where a MatH plot didn't make it across the ocean, I'll talk about my theories on why, and speculate on what such an episode might've looked like.
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