The second-series opener for MatH is so drastically different from its American "counterpart" that at first I thought it hadn't been Americanized. But some of the lines sounded suspiciously familiar. Finally, it hit me, it was the Christmas episode for the second season of 3'sC. Although this is easily the most drastically different pairing so far, I still want to compare them and talk about some of the reasons why these took such different paths.
"While the Cat's Away" aired 9 January 1974. "Three's Christmas" aired almost four years later, on Dec. 20th, 1977, reaching #5 in the ratings.
Let's have a party!: After a surprisingly laugh-track-less theme song, MatH8 opens with the trio watching television. Robin predicts, "Any minute now, there'll be clothes torn off, red-hot passion, bodies writhing on the floor, you know, squeals of delight." Chrissy says, "In The Lone Ranger?" He says, no, they'll turn the telly off first.
Chrissy is interested in an actor named Mark, who they saw on the telly during a production of Hedda Gabler. He was demonstrating deodorant, for an advert.
The three of them are bored. Jo suggests having a party. Chrissy thinks the Ropers would disapprove.
Over in the States, Janet decorates the Christmas tree. Jack, wearing a mistletoe sweatband, comes out of his bedroom and gives her a big kiss. Then he smooches Chrissy. He smooches Janet again, so she "chops off his sprig" with her scissors. But he has a spare sprig.
They open presents. I mentioned earlier that Chrissy's full name is Christmas Snow, but I forgot that it's actually first revealed on this episode. She says, "My father was a big fan of Bing Crosby."
Janet says of her gift of perfume, " '1001 nights.' If it gets me just one, I'll be happy."
Both girls got Jack socks. They briefly quarrel about it. Jack got Janet a scarf and Chrissy a belt. They end up trading. He points at his mistletoe and they both kiss him.
This is Chrissy's first Christmas away from home. (I'm sure she's been living away from home at least a year by this point, based on evidence elsewhere, but maybe she went home for Christmas '76.) She talks about the parties her father used to throw, how they invited everyone, including the local rabbi, and it was lots of fun.
Janet: Gee, Chrissy, I thought your father was a real stern minister.
Chrissy: He is, except when he's having fun.
She misses having a party, like back home. Jack suggests having a party in the apartment. Janet says this is a great idea. He has her kiss him again. She says they don't have to worry about making noise. The Ropers went to Helen's brother's for the whole weekend.
While the cat's away: The Brit-Ropers are also going to visit her brother and his family. George doesn't want to go. His brother-in-law brags, including about his automatic garage door opener. Mildred says she doesn't know why her brother invites them, "after what you did in their fishtank." George blames the cheap Spanish wine. She says he didn't have to tip it in. The guppies were drunk for days.
Mr. Roper is worried about something go wrong with the building and/or budgie while they're gone. Mrs. Roper suggests leaving the key upstairs. We learn that Mr. Roper is very amused that his brother-in-law lost his licence for drinking and driving.
Upstairs, Robin suggests inviting the Ropers to their party. Chrissy says Mrs. Roper is all right but Mr. Roper is the kiss of death. And then Jo burns the oven glove.
Mrs. Roper drops by with the key to her flat. She says they'll be gone for the weekend, leaving Saturday morning and coming back on Monday. Chrissy says they'll make sure there are no wild parties while the Ropers are gone.
Hello, Gorgeous: Robin plans to invite "the most seductive, sensual, sexy bird you could wish to meet." Chrissy says, "Well, I'm coming anyway." He actually means Liz Martin, so it looks like I was wrong and we haven't seen the last of Liz.
Jack is going to invite "the most sensual, sexy, seductive woman you ever saw." Janet says, "Well, you can't invite one of us, we're already here." Jack is talking about the luscious Liz Martin.
Robin: Oh, hello, Gorgeous. It's me. I've just been overcome by lust and I have this crude proposition to-- Hello, hello, Mrs. Martin. Could I speak to Elizabeth please?
Jack: Hi, Gorgeous. It's me. Listen, I have just been overcome by lust and I have a crude proposition to-- Oh, hello, Mrs. Martin. Could I speak to your daughter? And a Very Merry Christmas to you.
The Brit-trio continue this scene at the pub, while the Amer-trio stay in their apartment. (Generally, MatH changes scenes more often than 3'sC, I don't know why.)
They've got 14 girls and 14 fellows on their invite list now. Jo invites the gay couple at the next table, Maurice and Henry. Chrissy says, "I don't know which column to put them in."
Jo wants more fellows than girls at the party because she wants them fighting over her. Meanwhile, Robin puts a lot on the slate, I guess running up a debt as he buys alcohol and crisps and such from Jim the Landlord.
Amer-Chrissy calls Mark. Janet tells Jack that this is Chrissy's latest, kind of an actor. Janet delivers the lines about Hedda Gabler and deodorant.
Brit-Mark shows up at the pub. His agent wants him to play a freeze-dried pea in the next advert.
Mark: (to Robin) I ask you, what does a pea sound like?
Robin: Pardon?
Amer-Mark can't make it to the party. He's busy shooting another commercial. (On Christmas Day?) Chrissy tells Janet that Mark will be the voice of a freeze-dried pea.
Chrissy: What's a pea sound like?
Jack: (reentering from the kitchen) Pardon?
Janet suggests making a list of who to invite. She wants more guys than girls, so the guys will fight over her. Jack just wants one girl who likes to say yes.
The Ropers come into the pub. Robin tells them he'll be in all weekend, doing a little studying, a little reading. Jim puts the crate of booze on the counter. With perfect delivery, Robin says, "I might have a little drink."
Before the party: Robin again wears the bra-and-panties apron. This time the audience really reacts, laughing for quite awhile. He objects to using Donald Duck plates for the party. Chrissy says they also have some Popeye plates. "Oh, that's all right!"
Downstairs, Mr. Roper says goodbye to the budgie.
Back upstairs, Robin asks if they're going to let people into the bedrooms at the party, you know what parties can develop into, with any luck. Chrissy says that's all he thinks of. Jo says to be fair, he thinks about football and cooking as well. Chrissy says, "Oh, yes, if he could get his girlfriend and a gas stove in the middle of Wembley Stadium, he'd be away."
Jo looks out the window and sees the Ropers drive away. Robin puts his arms around both girls and says now they're alone with him. Chrissy says they can do anything they like. "Oh, and what were you thinking of, My Tempestuous Beauty?" She was thinking of eating his cheese dip.
Full Swing: We get an exterior shot of the building and rock music plays as a couple gets out of their car. Then we cut to the flat, where the music is coming from. Chrissy, in a lowcut yellow dress, is dancing with Mark.
Jo, more modestly dressed, is mixing drinks, as badly as she cooks. Robin says what she needs is a little fruit. So Henry turns around.
Robin asks if Jo has seen Liz. Since Jo was at her nephew's christening when Robin had Liz over last time, she doesn't know what Liz looks like. Robin, holding two oranges, moves them closer to his chest.
Chrissy asks Mark if he likes her dress, if it gives her a sexy look, like Susan George. Mark just says yes. He does tell her he auditioned for a crowd scene in Straw Dogs (which starred Susan George), but he and Peckinpah didn't hit it off.
Robin asks Chrissy if she's seen Liz. She says no and tells him to get her a drink, but Mark goes to get the drink.
Robin asks what she sees in Mark. She says Mark has a lovely disposition.
Robin: I know, but he wastes it on himself.
Chrissy: He's got one thing you haven't got.
Robin: What?
Chrissy: Me.
Mark answers the door. It's Liz, with a very different hairstyle now, which is probably why I didn't recognize her when I watched this episode before. Her dress is even more revealing than Chrissy's. She recognises Mark. He gives her Chrissy's martini.
Chrissy: Who's that tarty-looking bird chatting up Mark?
Robin: That is Liz.
Chrissy: Yeah, I know, and look at them. Lust at first sight.
Robin says Liz is very attractive and every man at the party fancies her. Henry or Maurice laughs fruitily.
Robin: Well, almost.
Chrissy: I'm hardly surprised. I've seen higher necklines on a topless waitress.
Robin says he'll glide over there and smoothly separate them. Mark and Liz are now on the couch. She asks if he's ever met Michael Caine. Mark stood behind him in line for the canteen at Pinewood.
Liz: What's he like?
Mark: Hamburger and chips.
Robin invites her to dance. She doesn't want to.
Mark says that the most important thing in acting is sincerity. Robin says, "Yes, once you've learned to fake that, you're all right."
Mark invites Liz to dance. She says, "I'd love to."
Jo: (grinning) Don't worry, he's got big ears anyway.
Chrissy: Oh, shut up!
Chrissy asks Robin, who's now smoking, "What happened to your famous sex appeal?" He says, "It's alive and well and standing next to you." He invites her to dance.
Time passes and we see them slow-dancing. He tries to say something about him being a man, and her being a woman, but her sarcasm heads him off. He invites her into his bedroom, just to talk. She says, "It's more crowded in there than it is in here."
He offers to get her a drink. She says, "I'm not sure I could trust myself if I had another drink. Gin and tonic please."
Jo says they're out of ice and she makes Chrissy go downstairs to get some from the Ropers'. Robin offers to carry the ice bucket. He also takes a bottle and glasses.
Liz is cuddling with Mark, but when she sees Robin and Chrissy leave, she grumbles, "Oh, that's nice. He invites me to a party and then goes off with someone else."
Bedding down the budgie: Chrissy is suspicious when Robin puts the cover over the birdcage.
Robin: I'm just bedding down the budgie.
Chrissy: Well, that's all you're bedding down tonight.
Robin says it's quieter down there at the Ropers'. He suggests they have a drink before they go. She says just one, or the ice will start to melt.
Robin: (putting his arm around her) You know, Chrissy, sometimes, sometimes, you know, a man wants more. He wants, he wants something fine and warm, you know. And one day he wakes up and realises it's under his nose.
Chrissy: You're thinking of growing a moustache.
Robin: I'm very serious, Chrissy. I mean, we all want the relationship, the warm relationship--
Chrissy: Look, why don't you come right out with it and say what you're after?
Robin: I just don't know the words.
Chrissy: Yes, you do. I've heard you using them. Anyway, look, remember what we agreed when you moved in.
Robin: Seven pounds fifty a week.
Chrissy: Not that, the other.
Robin: Well, what about it?
Chrissy: There wasn't going to be any. Look, I'm flesh and blood as well.
Robin: I've only got your word for it, Chrissy.
Chrissy: Well, all I'm saying is, if you were a gentleman, you wouldn't take advantage of the way I'm feeling now.
He pulls her closer for a kiss.
Return of the Ropers: We get another exterior shot of the building. We can see silhouettes of the party upstairs. Mr. Roper drives up and parks the car. Apparently he kept talking about his brother-in-law being a drunken driver. Mildred says, "They'll never ask us again." George says that then the evening wasn't a complete waste.
Back in the States, the Ropers return to their apartment. She was never so ashamed in all her life. He kept talking about her brother being arrested for drunk driving. They have the "complete waste" exchange here. And then we get the bit about the garage door opener. And finally the "fishtank" conversation, although the cheap wine isn't Spanish, and Mr. Roper gets a line about the old expression "drinking like a fish."
Jimmy & Betty: Upstairs, Janet is on the phone. All their friends are going to Jimmy and Betty Stevens's party in the neighboring building.
The doorbell rings, Mrs. Roper. They all wish Merry Christmas.
The trio are surprised to see her. She says, "I don't think that Stanley and my brother get along very well." She says they keep hitting each other.
She invites the three of them to a Christmas party. Chrissy is enthusiastic. Jack and Janet are more reluctant. Mrs. Roper promises a cake and Spin the Bottle.
After she leaves, the phone rings. It's Jimmy Stevens asking why they're not at the party. They never got the invitation. Jack happily accepts. He and Janet hug and then sing and dance, but Chrissy insists on going to the Ropers'.
Jack says whale-gutting in the Arctic would be more fun. Janet admits it would be a lousy trick to play on the Ropers if they didn't turn up. Then they realize that Mr. Roper is usually asleep by 9:30 and they can go to the Stevenses' party.
The girls guilt-trip Jack about which pair of socks he's going to wear.
Festive: Helen tells Stanley to look more festive. He asks if he should stick holly up his nose. He doesn't want to party with the kids. The trio come by and we hear that Jack's been talking about nothing but the party all day.
The Ropers have a pink plastic Christmas tree. It's pine-scented, so it also works as an air freshener. Helen's brother Billy gave them the Christmas wreath, wrapped around Stanley's neck.
Mr. Roper serves them a tiny bit of Scotch. He notices that Jack's socks don't match. Janet says, "He has another pair just like it upstairs."
Helen: What shall we play?
Stanley: I don't like games.
Helen: Tell me about it.
It turns out that Mrs. Roper plays a lot of solitaire in bed. Mr. Roper gets the cards from the bedroom and does a pathetic card trick. Mrs. Roper says Jack looks pensive. He says he's thinking of whale-gutting in the Arctic.
The phone rings and Mr. Roper answers it.
Chrissy: Come on, Jack, get your fingers moving!
Jack: Hm?
She wants him to play the piano, so he does. I don't recognize the tune.
Mr. Roper comes over and says that Helen's brother found her earrings in the punch bowl.
Stanley: Has he been playing long?
Chrissy: No, he just started now.
Mr. Roper says, "I can sing you know," which sounds like a threat. He sits next to Jack on the piano bench and sings, "Oh, give me some men who are stout-hearted men...." Jack grins at him and bats his eyelashes. Mr. Roper quickly gets up and switches to "Roll out the Barrel." Chrissy happily sings along. Janet and Mrs. Roper look bored. Jack crosses his eyes at the end.
There's a time lapse and Mr. Roper is singing "In a Shanty in Old Shanty Town." Chrissy is delighted and she claps.
Stanley: (to Jack) Do you know "I'm Walking Behind You on Your Wedding Day"?
Jack: Oh, I hope not.
Mr. Roper brings out his trumpet and plays reveille. Then he says, "Everybody dance!"
Jack exclaims, "Oh my goodness! It's 5 after 10 already! It's past my bedtime!" He says he has to go to sleep, but he doesn't want to drag the girls away.
Chrissy: Oh, no, we'll come to bed with you!
Stanley: What???
Chrissy: I mean at the same time.
The trio excuse themselves. Just outside the apartment, they say they can go to the Stevenses' party. Back inside, Mrs. Roper is upset about Stanley driving the kids away. He tells her that it wasn't her brother on the phone. They were invited to the Stevenses' party after all. Both Jack and Mr. Roper say, "Maybe now we'll meet some interesting people."
Tidying up: What happens when the Brit-Ropers come home is very different. It takes them awhile to notice the music of the party but they decide to ignore it. We find out that Mr. Roper rinsed his teeth in his brother-in-law's bidet.
The Ropers go into their apartment. Robin and Chrissy are tidying up. Robin admits to the party. Mrs. Roper wants to go. "They never had parties like that when we were alive."
Upstairs later, Maurice is doing Jo's hair. She says he'll make somebody a lovely brother.
Mr. Roper is boring Liz with war stories. Chrissy sends him out to move his car so someone else can get out. Liz says hello to Robin, but he pulls Chrissy aside and invites her to his bedroom again, to finish off the bottle of wine. She again says no. He says he's going to donate his body to medicine, "I'm not using it."
We get yet another exterior of the building. Mr. Roper hits the other cars while trying to move his. A policeman catches him.
Back up in the flat, Chrissy tells Robin that if anything had happened, it would've spoiled things. She kisses his cheek. Lisping, he says, "I wonder who's taking Maurice home."
Mrs. Roper is dancing with Mark, when Mr. Roper comes in with the copper. He has to give him "a sample." The trio and their gay friends laugh.
The tag of 3'sC is set just outside of the Ropers' apartment. Jack apologizes to Helen about not telling them about the Stevenses' party. Mrs. Roper is drunk and not at all upset. Mr. Roper is unconscious but standing. The trio help hold him up. Mrs. Roper says to "just put him under the tree, and I'll unwrap him in the morning."
Commentary: "The cat," Mr. Roper, isn't away for very long on 3'sC, and "the mice" definitely don't get as playful. Both trios plan to throw a party in the Ropers' absence, with the male roommates inviting sexy Liz Martin and the Chrissies inviting Mark the actor. But on 3'sC it doesn't work to throw an impromptu party, especially not on Christmas Day. So we get the Ropers returning early and throwing a boring party for the kids. (Boring to them, I find it entertaining, corny jokes and all). And everyone really wants to go to the Stevenses' party. (They keep saying "Stevens," but unless the last name is "Steven," I decided to just be grammatically correct.)
But on MatH, well, well. Quite a change from four months ago, on "And Then There Were Two." Now Chrissy wants to be plied with gin & tonic, and "pow" is looking more appealing. As for Robin, he may be just handing her lines, like he does with other girls, but when he's given the chance to get Liz back, he chooses the less sure thing of Chrissy. Robin & Chrissy's chemistry is great by this point, and the viewer can't help hoping something will happen between them. I doubt Jo would mind, although she'd certainly tease them about it.
I'm not sure what happens between the kiss and the tidying up. Maybe Chrissy breaks away, maybe they hear the Ropers out in the hallway. In a sense it's them (or at least her) backing off, but it's also of course the producers backing off. I'm guessing that, although British television censorship was less strict than American in the 1970s, having two of the platonic flatmates stop being platonic would not have been allowed.
It's still further than it would've gone on 3'sC. Jack can give his roommates mistletoe smooches, but (at least at this point) there's not going to be any serious consideration of, ahem, "a warm relationship." And speaking of sexuality, it's interesting that the gay friends get so much to do on MatH8, when they're not really necessary to the plot. Yes, like all the gay humour on MatH, they're incredibly stereotypical, but nonetheless they are invited to the party and they get to be in the shot of the amused trio. Nothing comparable happens on 3'sC, ever.
3'sC in its first two seasons is more mature and sophisticated than it would be later. (Faint praise I know.) But there's no question that MatH is the more adult program, and this pairing of episodes is a perfect, albeit extreme, example of why.
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