The conversion of MatH24 is rather straightforward, although there are some interesting differences. "Never Give Your Real Name" aired 27 March 1975, while "Will the Real Jack Tripper...." (with that punctuation) played on Feb. 14, 1978, the week before "Days of Beers and Weeds." Like the "pot" episode, 3'sC27 was penned by producers Don Nicholl, Michael Ross, and Bernie West. It hit #1, the very first time for the show! (The next episode to reach that height was the second-season closer, with guest star Loni Anderson.) So even if it weren't based on a MatH episode, it would be worth discussing.
Heated rollers: As the episodes open, Jo/Janet is cleaning the lounge/living room window. It's now so clear, she jokes that she can see houses across the way.
On the American show, we learn that the window is stuck. Chrissy suggests Janet call Mr. Roper. Janet has, every name in the book. Then she does an imitation of Mr. Roper.
Brit-Chrissy's hair is wrapped in a towel and she wants her heated rollers. Jo is using them to defrost the fridge. It's Amer-Chrissy using hot rollers in the fridge, although Janet isn't doing her hair at the moment, since she's cleaning the window. Janet steps in the bucket, trying to stop Chrissy, and spills the water.
Jo spills the water onto the carpet just out of sheer clumsiness. The phone rings on both shows, and Jo/Janet says that the carpet is ringing, which confuses the Chrissys.
A blonde girl in a phone box wants to speak to Robin Tripp. A girl with short brown hair is calling from a phone booth and wants to speak to Jack Tripper. The Chrissys say Robin/Jack isn't home. The girls phoning say they can't leave messages because it's personal. The Chrissys say they won't listen, then they give the girls the number for the flat/apartment upstairs, since that's where Robin/Jack is.
Airline pilot: So we head up to Larry's. In England, the attic flat has a wood-grained look that I don't remember from the "mouse" episode, although Larry had soft lighting going then, for his date. He's also decorated with a poster of two blondes, one in a white peasant blouse and a big flowered hat, the other wearing just white knickers. In America, it's only the third "Larry episode," with the second being one I'll discuss when we get up to its British equivalent. In any case, I think this is the first time we see Larry's studio apartment.
Brit-Larry is shaving in a little mirror, while Robin reads a magazine called New, with a topless woman on the cover. Jack's magazine is the more innocuous Sportview, with a basketball game on the cover. Amer-Larry is treating Jack to a Lakers game.
When Jack thanks him, Larry says, "What are friends for?" He was going to take Betty, but she's a lost cause. He finds her picture among the ones hanging on his mirror and hands it to Jack. Betty has a fantastic figure: 42, 21, 36. She also has great shoulders. Jack says, "She'd need 'em to hold all that up." Larry says the only thing that spoils her is her mouth. It keeps saying no. The British mates have a similar conversation about a girl, although oddly enough her waist is 22 rather than 21, and Brit-Larry mentions her long legs.
Amer-Larry said goodbye and gave Betty his mother's wedding ring to remember him by. It was a wonderful and valuable heirloom, and he keeps a supply of them on hand. He likes to leave 'em happy. This exchange does not happen on MatH.
Brit-Larry's ex called him Justin, while Betty called Amer-Larry Engelbert (as in Humperdinck). The Larrys advise, "Never give your real name." When Jack asks why, Larry says Jack has so much to learn. Jack says, "Teach me," in a babyish way. Larry says that after a break-up, the girls are running around asking if anyone's seen Paul Redford or Robert Newman.
Brit-Larry has used Justin Dupont, Cliff Westwood, and Oleo Portuguese, this last from a tin of sardines. He was Orinoco Womble for a fortnight. (As near as I can tell, there are no famous Justin Duponts, Cliff Westwoods, or Justin Westwoods and Cliff Duponts for that matter. Orinoco was the Womble who played the keyboards, and he was named after a South American river.)
The phone rings. The Larrys answer, the American saying, "Yello?" In England, it's Sandra Bennett, while in America it's Sandra Boyd. Brit-Larry remembers the girl with "the blonde hair and the mole on her--", while Amer-Larry recalls "the cute little brunette with the mole on her--", the Sandras saying they're right before they can say where.
The blonde says he's the only Robin Tripp in the book. Brit-Larry says that's a nice bit of detective work. In a split screen, the brunette says Jack Tripper is in the phone book, which makes Amer-Larry think Jack is even more foolish about women.
Brit-Sandra says that Robin hasn't called round these last few weeks. Amer-Sandra uses "called" in the American sense of phoning when she says Jack hasn't called in weeks. The Larrys say they're airline pilots. Brit-Sandra says she thought he was a fashionable dentist. Amer-Sandra leaves out the word "fashionable." Brit-Larry says that's only in his spare time, while Amer-Larry says it's more of a hobby.
Brit-Sandra would like to come round, but Larry claims he's forgotten the address. She says it's in the book. He hangs up and says he got cut off. When Amer-Sandra wants to come by, Larry just hangs up and says he got cut off.
The Larrys want to leave, although the football match doesn't start for another hour and a half, the basketball game not for hours. Amer-Larry says, "Neither does the car I'm driving," probably one he borrowed from his used car lot. Brit-Larry says they'll have to buy toilet rolls, I guess because the washrooms won't have any.
Brit-Sandra is played by Suzanne Moore, who has only three other credits, none of them notable. Susan Blu [sic] on the other hand, has a ton of mostly animated credits, from The Jetsons to Transformers Prime. Her role as Sandra Boyd is unusual for her live-action parts since she usually played a secretary.
Vinegar: Back in the flat, Jo wonders if she should apply vinegar or lemon juice to the carpet. Chrissy says, "No, you're thinking of Dover sole."
3'sC shuffles scenes so that we next visit the Ropers, but I'll just go with the parallel scene rather than the consecutive one. Amer-Chrissy is the one blow-drying the carpet, I guess because it's more her fault than Janet's. Jo/Amer-Chrissy is worried about a clean patch.
3'sC next segues into the post-Ropers scene, but MatH continues with this one. Robin and Larry arrive in the flat, and Robin asks what Jo's doing. Chrissy says, "Cleaning the window." Robin says Jo has a terrible sense of direction.
He needs his football rattle and his red & white scarf. But Jo has put the latter in the bucket, I guess to help mop up the carpet. Chrissy suggests he wave a salami sausage, since that's red & white. He says there's emotional tension during a football match. He can't wave a salami sausage and say "Up the Saints." Larry says Southampton will only score if Fulham don't turn up. Robin rhetorically asks, "You don't like Southampton, do you?" This is all continuing football fanships from back in the first episode.
The men leave. Jo asks where they're going. Chrissy sarcastically says, "To a cricket match." Jo doesn't question this.
Solitaire: Downstairs at the Ropers', he's trying to make the budgie/parakeet say his name. Mrs. Roper is playing solitaire. When his wife says his name in an irritated way, he says, "Oh/Ah, no, that was you, Mildred/Helen." Helen says he'll never get the bird to talk. He thinks the bird has a lazy beak. She says, "He came to the right house."
Mildred thinks George should fix the kitchen shelves that fell down. Helen wonders when Stanley is going to fix the window for the kids upstairs. Mr. Roper says he hasn't the proper/right equipment. She agrees. He means his power drill, which is ten years old. She says it's eleven, he got it for her birthday.
Mildred also wants George to mend the pedal bin (one of those kitchen trash containers with the lever you step on). The shelves fell on it.
George/Stanley has been kibitzing, and he now tells her that the deck is missing three/four cards. (So the Americans take an inch off Betty's waist and add a card?)
George goes out to the entryway, where Sandra's coming in. She's looking for Mr. Tripp. George says first floor. (In the British sense. George lives on the ground floor.)
Not important: We find out that Jo only vacuums the part of the room she goes to. Chrissy says it must be really hard work, being as lazy as Jo is.
The doorbell rings and Brit-Chrissy/Janet answers. It's Sandra, looking for Robin/Jack. Brit-Chrissy says she just missed him, while Janet adds the detail that he went to a basketball game.
Sandra says it's not important, then bursts into tears. Brit-Chrissy brings her in and gives her a handkerchief, which she blows her nose on. Janet invites Amer-Sandra in. Sandra says no thank you, but comes in anyway.
Brit-Chrissy offers Sandra tea, but Jo says there isn't any. Amer-Chrissy offers the tea and then remembers they're out of tea. The Sandras cry more. Jo/Amer-Chrissy offers to buy some tea.
The Sandras say they're pregnant. They're sure. It's been six weeks and they were sick yesterday. Their father will kill them.
The girls ask if Robin/Jack is responsible. He is. Brit-Sandra adds the detail, "He said it was all right if we were standing up."
Amer-Sandra says, "I haven't seen him in months. Well, at first I didn't worry, 'cause he told me he had a lot of cavities to fill." Chrissy looks confused, Janet mildly disgusted. Sandra says Jack is a very fashionable dentist. Sandra tried to call Jack, but he just hung up on her.
The Sandras think they shouldn't have come here. "He'll think I'm trying to trap him." Brit-Chrissy says he's got to know sooner or later. Janet says he has to be told. The Sandras insist that the girls not even tell him she came by. As the Sandras leave, they say, "Thank you for the tea." Amer-Sandra bursts into sobs.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet tries to stop her, Janet calling, "Hey, what's your name?" Then Janet closes the door.
Brit-Chrissy: Honestly, that's typical. Getting a girl pregnant. Only a man could do that.
Amer-Chrissy: Well, this is typical. Getting a girl pregnant. Only a man would do a thing like that.
On 3'sC, there's a dissolve, while MatH takes us back to the Ropers'. The sort of parallel scene on 3'sC shows up much later.
Insinnuendos: The 3'sC Ropers scene starts with Stanley impatiently trying to get the bird to speak, calling it dumbbell in his frustration. Helen brings in a cake with one candle. She's celebrating the tenth anniversary of her "new spring outfit." (She's in her usual muumuu and beaded necklace with matching earrings.)
He says he's had a hard day. She points out that it's only 10 in the morning, but he says he's been listening to her since 7. He does his patented take to the camera, and the audience applauds as usual.
She asks if he's fixed the window in the kids' apartment yet. He hasn't, so she says, "Honestly, if I want anything done around here, I have to do it myself. And that includes just about everything."
Over on MatH, George talks about various tools he needs to mend each other before he can work. She says, "If I want anything done in this house, I've got to do it myself. And that applies to practically everything." He says he's tired of her constant "insinnuendos." There's many a woman who would appreciate him. Stanley says there are lots of women who'd appreciate him. He looks at himself admiringly in the mirror.
When asked to name a woman who admires him, George says the woman in the greengrocer's was giving him her come-hither glance, while Stanley says the blonde checker at the supermarket has lately been giving him that come-on look. Mildred/Helen says, "Not out of her good eye."
The MatH scene ends here for the moment, but 3'sC continues with lines from further into the MatH episode, so we'll return to this later.
Is that her name?: After the dissolve on 3'sC, Janet (who sometimes sounds like an Archie comic book character) says, "Gee whiz, Chrissy, he wouldn't even talk to her on the telephone." Then Jack comes home.
We see Robin and Larry outside Robin's door. Robin is talking about the match. Larry seems distracted and keeps looking upstairs. He turns down Robin's invitation for coffee in the flat, so Robin goes in alone.
The British girls are in the kitchen. Robin comes in and starts gushing about the match, demonstrating with sugar cubes. They don't seem interested. Jack tells the girls in the living room about the game, referring to Kareem (Abdul Jabbar). The girls try to ignore him.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says Robin/Jack's girlfriend was here this afternoon. He says, "Linda?" Brit-Chrissy says, "Is that her name?"
Amer-Chrissy: Is that her name? It's too pretty for you.
Jack: Luckily, I've got my own name already, thank you.
("Linda," by the way, means "beautiful" in Spanish.)
Brit-Chrissy/Janet starts to tell Robin/Jack about Sandra, but Jo/Amer-Chrissy says the girlfriend did tell them not to tell him. Brit-Chrissy says somebody should tell him.
Robin/Jack asks what they're not supposed to tell him. The Chrissys say he's going to be a father.
Robin is very surprised and says, "Oh, Christ!" Jo says, "She's pregnant by you." He says he gets the point. Jo says, "So don't you tell her we told you she told us." He's not even supposed to know she's been here.
Robin: What have I done to deserve this?
Chrissy: All you're thinking of is yourself. You're a rat.
Robin: I don't suppose there's any doubt.
Chrissy: No, there isn't. You're a rat.
She asks what he's going to do, and the scene ends on that cliffhanger.
Jack is stunned. Slowly sinking to the floor, he says, "Oh my God!" He misses the couch, so Chrissy tells him, "Be careful!" He says, "I thought I was." And the scene ends there.
All that and a bag of chips: As I mentioned with "I Won't Dance," Alison Hughes returns as Linda, now with sort of a Dorothy Hamill/Carrie Fisher mid-'70s long-bob cut. Anne Schedeen makes her first of five appearances on 3'sC, although Linda had been referred to on "Alone Together." She's a tall, striking redhead who comes off better on this show than on what I've seen of her as the mom on ALF (1986-90).
Robin and Brit-Linda are at a restaurant fancy enough that he's wearing a tie. Jack and Amer-Linda are in the side booth at the Regal Beagle, because the Americans don't build an extra set when they don't have to. Brit-Linda talks about what she's going to order, but Robin isn't listening. Jack sits stunned, with his chin in his hand. Linda is drinking red wine. She looks at an empty bag of potato chips and says she wants more chips, but he's not listening.
Robin says they've been going round together for three or four months, which would mean that they were dating three weeks ago, when he was trying to get Chrissy to stay in a hotel.
Jack: Linda, how long have you and I been going together?
Linda: Oh, two or three months, give or take a month.
Jack: I wish I could.
This is actually accurate chronology, for once on 3'sC, since "Alone Together" aired on Oct. 25th, three-and-a-half months earlier. Of course, that episode implied that Jack and Linda had been going out for awhile, but it's still close enough.
Robin says he hasn't been going out with any other girls, which is true at least as far as what we see on the show, since the last non-Chrissy woman he did anything with was Angie, back in October. Linda says, "Neither have I," making it sound like she hasn't gone out with any other girls either. He says he wouldn't mind if she's been going out with any other fellows. He wouldn't be at all jealous. She hasn't.
Amer-Linda: You know what? I could really dig a pickled cucumber with those chips. I've really got a craving.
Jack: (to himself) Oh boy, here we go. (speaking up) Linda, I never said you mustn't see other guys, did I?
Linda: No.
Jack: Well, then I guess you've been going out with lots of other guys besides me, right?
Linda: (smiling) No. When I'm going with someone, he's the one, the only one.
Jack: What a shame. No, I admire those values.
He says he wouldn't mind if she'd been seeing other guys. She could tell him. She hasn't. He unconvincingly says that makes him very happy.
Robin picks up a tomato-shaped ketchup dispenser and fiddles with it. He says he's sorry he missed her this afternoon, then corrects himself. No, he didn't miss her, since she wasn't there, but he's sorry he wasn't there when she didn't come round.
Brit-Linda: I'm gonna have a rum barber.
Robin: I know, they told me.
(Maybe I heard her wrong, since rum barber seems to have more to do with barbers than rum.)
Amer-Linda: I'm gonna have a bag of chips.
Jack: I know, they told me!
Jack takes a sip of wine for courage. Robin/Jack asks if Linda agrees that a baby should have a father as much as a mother. Brit-Linda just says yes, but Amer-Linda gets the line, "It helps."
Robin blurts out, "Linda, I'm asking you to marry me." She says, "Oh, Robin!" and squeezes his hands, squirting ketchup all over his face. She and the audience are very amused. She wipes his face with a serviette and we break for adverts.
Jack stutters as he asks Linda to marry him. In her joy, she spills salt on the table, then throws it over her shoulder for good luck. He tries to do the same but hits his head with the shaker. And we go to commercial.
Rat or pig: When we return, the British girls are watching an American movie on the telly, with "country" accents.
American actress: I don't rightly know that.
American actor: Did she not get my letter?
American actress: She didn't give me the word.
The American girls are on the couch, Chrissy doing her nails while Janet does a crossword. Janet asks for a four-letter word for "pain." Chrissy thinks about it and then says, "Pain." Janet starts to write it down and then realizes and gets annoyed. (I assume it was "ache," but we never find out.)
Robin lets himself and Brit-Linda in. He has his flatmates turn off the telly. Jack comes home with Amer-Linda.
Robin has a very important announcement to make. He winks as he says they haven't met Linda yet. He says, "I'd like you to meet my fiancée." Jack has an important announcement, "Linda and I are engaged."
Brit-Chrissy says, "Oh, you rat!" Robin thinks this isn't as good as congratulations. He asks Jo, "What'd she call me a rat for?" She says, "You pig!"
Amer-Chrissy says, "You rotten rat!" and leaves the room. Jack asks Janet, "Why did she call me a rat?" She says, "Because you're a pig," pronouncing the P so strongly that she seems to blow air in his eyes, indicated by his blinking a lot. Jack tells Linda, "I think they're happy for us really."
Robin/Jack has Linda sit down while he goes to the kitchen to get her coffee. Jo/Janet says, "It's not your fault, I don't blame you." The Lindas say, "Thank you," Brit-Linda just puzzled, while Amer-Linda delivers the line in a colder, tougher way, as suits her portrayal. (Alison Hughes's Linda seems sweeter and more vulnerable.)
As well: In the kitchen, Robin/Jack expresses his confusion, since he did the decent thing, Robin adding that it's old-fashioned. Linda's pregnant, so he's going to marry her.
Brit-Chrissy: You got her pregnant as well?
Robin: Yes. No!
She's talking about the girl from this afternoon. Now he's really confused.
Amer-Chrissy has her back to Jack, but now she whirls to face him, exclaiming, "You got her pregnant as well?" He asks "As well as what?" She means as well as the girl from this afternoon. Like Robin, he's further confused.
Go for the body: Brit-Larry is in his flat, reading a porn magazine. Robin knocks and Larry answers. Robin is in his dressing gown, since, as Larry points out, it's nearly midnight.
Jack is fully dressed and already sitting on Amer-Larry's couch, rubbing his own temples like he has a headache. Larry is in his lounging pajamas and mixing drinks.
Robin tells Brit-Larry he's engaged to be married, so Larry says that Robin needs a stiff drink. Robin comes in. Robin says, "Trouble is, she isn't pregnant." Larry says, "No, well, it happens. Not often, I'll grant you." Robin says he thought she was.
Amer-Larry says, "Let me get this straight. You did the right thing to the wrong girl?"
Robin says some girl came round while they were at the football match. He doesn't know who the hell she was. She said she was pregnant and he was the father, so naturally he thought it was Linda. But it was some blonde thing he's never even met before. Larry realises it was Sandra but doesn't say anything yet. Robin says that the girl knew his name, Robin Tripp. Larry says, "Have another drink, Mate."
Jack says it was some girl he's never met, with short dark hair, and she thinks he's a dentist. Amer-Larry chokes on his drink.
The Larrys tell Robin/Jack, "When you hit me, go for the body, not the face." Robin/Jack says he's not going to hit him. Then Robin/Jack realises that this mess with the girl has something to do with Larry. He quotes Larry's rule, "Never give 'em your real name." Brit-Larry says, "There's that fast mind of yours working again."
Jack goes for the body by yanking out one of Larry's chest hairs. The audience is delighted.
Robin is very annoyed that Brit-Larry "gave one of your scrubbers my name." He asks what was wrong with Orinoco Womble.
Jack asks why Amer-Larry used his name. "What's wrong with John Wayne or Richard Nixon?" Larry says, "It's easier to remember when it's a real person." John Ritter looks like he's trying not to laugh. (I don't think they were making a political comment by having Larry imply that these two Republicans were unreal, but you never know.)
Monk: The next morning, in the kitchens, the American trio are in their nightclothes, while Robin is still in his dressing gown but Brit-Chrissy is dressed for work.
Brit-Chrissy says, "I might've known. If a girl's in trouble, it'd have to be Larry." Robin says Larry never pretended to be a monk. She says, "What about that girl with the convent school?"
Janet: We should've known it had to be Larry. I mean, of all the tricky guys we know, Larry is the most tricky one of all.
Jack: (overlapping) Oh, come on, Janet. He never pretended to be a monk.
Chrissy: Yes, he has, with that girl from the convent school.
Jack: I'd forgotten about that.
Brit-Chrissy: (to Robin) You're just as bad....You thought you were gonna be a father. How's that supposed to have happened, telepathy?
Janet: And you can stop playing the saint. I mean, you thought you were gonna be a father, Jack. Now, how's that supposed to have happened, telepathy?
Robin says he has to break it off. She says that's the most sensible thing he's said.
He says, "Suppose we were engaged, and I said I wanted to call if off 'cause you're not pregnant." She says that isn't a guide, since Linda might not have a bread knife in her hand.
Jack is supposed to see Amer-Linda tonight and wonders how she'll take it when he tells her he doesn't want to marry her. Amer-Chrissy says, "Well, like any normal girl, she'll scratch, scream, hit, bite," then she does her snort-laugh.
Jo comes in, also dressed for work, and says good morning. Robin asks how she'd break off an engagement. She says she'd throw the diamond ring back at the man. Robin says he doesn't have a ring. She says, "Well, you're going out with the wrong sort of boys."
Brit-Chrissy has a suggestion, although it's a bit unorthodox, a bit way out: just tell Linda the truth.
Jack says Amer-Linda will understand, since she knows it's wrong for two people to get married when they don't love each other. And their relationship is purely platonic. His roommates look at him. He sheepishly adds, "Most of the time."
Co-op milkman: Back at the Brit-Ropers', George reads the paper and finds an article called "Co-op Milkman Has Love Nest." The milkman's wife suspected nothing, which George thinks proves his point about wives not realising how attractive their husbands are.
He also mentions "Mrs. Whatshername" in #2. (No wonder she wasn't identified in the movie.) She winked at him last week. Mildred says she winks at everybody, since she's got a twitch.
We're back in the "cake" scene with the Amer-Ropers. Stanley has trouble thinking of another woman who finds him attractive besides the blonde checker. Helen tells him to go fix the window upstairs. Before he leaves, he says, "What about Mrs. Wilson in 301?" She's been smiling at him lately. Helen says she's just showing off her new teeth.
The parakeet starts saying dumbbell. Helen laughs a lot and the scene ends there.
Mildred says she's perfectly willing to be jealous. She'd like to think that other women fancy her husband. She doesn't enjoy being pitied.
George talks about how when they were on holiday, he scored "sex bomb" on the love machine in the arcade. (Cue the Scott Pilgrim reference.) She says he had to use both hands, and a foot.
She suggests he either mend the pedal bin or go upstairs and mend the window.
Ballet: The scene at the White Swan starts with Robin in the middle of an awkward explanation to Brit-Linda. She asks if he wants to break off the engagement. When he says yes, she says, "Know what you are?" He answers, "Yes, a rat, or possibly a pig."
This time, Jack and Amer-Linda are at the center table, which is more visible to the rest of the pub than the booth is. Unusually for the show, Linda is smoking, but there's a reason for this. They both have something to say, but she puts her hand with the cigarette to his mouth to hush him. He coughs and she apologizes.
She says she doesn't want to marry him, and tells him not to take it too hard. She doesn't want to be tied up right now. She thinks she's hurt him. He says he's a touch wounded, because he doesn't want her to know how happy he is.
Brit-Larry, in his Oxford shirt, is eavesdropping at another table, so when Linda thinks it's someone else, and Robin says, "Who else could it be?", Larry comes over and says, "Hello, Robbie. I haven't seen you for weeks. Have you been avoiding me?" He sounds more chipper than queeny. He says there's been gossip down at the ballet school. " 'Where's your friend?' they've been saying."
Amer-Larry is watching from the doorway, apparently too far away to tell what Jack and Linda are talking about. Linda says she's sorry, and Jack says, "Hey, Honey, it's whatever you want." Larry comes over and queenily says, "Oh, Jacky, where have you been? I haven't seen you for weeks! Have you been avoiding me?" He puts his hands on his hips. The audience is again delighted. Larry says everybody's been gossiping at ballet class. " 'Where's Jacky, where's the cute guy in the pink tights?' "
Robin says, "I know what you're trying to do, Mate, but she knows I'm not, (to Linda) and neither is he." Jack says he knows what Amer-Larry is trying to do but it's OK between him and Linda.
Brit-Linda stands, with a cigarette in her hand. Robin gets to his feet, with a beer in his hand. He tells her that this needn't change their relationship. He's still very fond of her.
Brit-Larry: And where do I stand in all this?
Robin: Will you shut up!
Amer-Larry is relieved. He says Linda is quite a girl. "You don't mind that the only reason he asked you to marry him was because he thought you were pregnant?" Linda exclaims, "HE WHAT?" Jack says Larry is such a clown. Linda gets up and says goodbye.
Robin asks if they're still all right for next Saturday. She puts her cigarette in his drink and leaves. He says, "No, we're not."
Jack asks Amer-Linda, "See you Saturday?" She comes back and puts her cigarette in his drink, then leaves. He says to Larry, "I guess not, huh?" He tries to make Larry take a sip. The scene ends there.
Brit-Larry says, "I told you I'd think of something." Robin calls him a dummy. Percival the barman says he couldn't help overhearing what Larry was saying. He touches Larry's shoulders and flirtatiously waves his barcloth (or whatever you call it, the thing that he'd clean the glasses with). Larry grabs Robin's arm and says, "I'm with him." Robin bellows, "Will you get off?" and pulls away.
Close shave: Back at the flat, George says that they've got a jammed window. Chrissy says she thought it might be that when they couldn't open it. He says he'll have to shave the edge, so Jo says that there are lather and a brush in the bathroom. Stanley is also working on the window. When he says he's got to shave the edge, Chrissy tells him, "Oh, well, you can use Jack's electric razor. It's in the bathroom."
All four girls leave. George examines his tools, then finds the bottle opener for his beer. He opens it, drinks some, and says, "Oo, lovely." Stanley knows the thing he needs for this job. He finds a can of beer, opens it, and takes a drink.
The phone rings at both places, and the landlords answer, which is typical of the lack of privacy on both shows. George even tells the caller that Robin is at the pub, the White Swan. Stanley tells the caller that Jack Tripper lives here. After George rings off, he says, "Cheers," and drinks some more beer.
Which one?: This transitions to Brit-Chrissy saying cheers. She and Jo have joined the fellows at the White Swan. She asks how Linda took it. Robin says, "Not bad, I'm just glad she didn't have a bread knife on her." Larry says, "You should see what she did in his beer." There's no audience reaction.
Amer-Chrissy: How did Linda take it?
Larry: (amused) You should've seen what she did in his beer.
There's stray laughter.
Jo says it served Robin right. Pointing at Larry, Brit-Chrissy says, "And he's even worse." Larry says, "Don't pick on me, I'm being victimised." The trio scoff.
The phone rings and Percival answers with "Hello. This is the White Swan speaking." He says there's a phone call for Robin Tripp. Robin asks which one. Percival asks the caller, "Which Robin Tripp do you require? There appear to be several. Oh! The airline pilot and fashionable dentist."
Jim the bartender answers the American phone. When he's asked which Jack Tripper the caller wants, he just says, "Uh, which Jack Tripper do you want, Miss? Ah, the airline pilot and fashionable dentist."
The Larrys go to the phones. Percival tells Brit-Larry, "I'm afraid it's a female." Amer-Larry uses his customary greeting of "Yello."
We see the Sandras in the phone box and phone booth again. Brit-Larry goes on the offensive with "How do I know it's mine?" Sandra says it's nobody's, nothing isn't. She got the dates mixed up and she's all right.
Amer-Larry: Are you sure?
Amer-Sandra: I'm positive. I got the dates mixed up. I'm all right.
The Larrys are happy and relieved.
Brit-Larry: What are you doing tomorrow night?
Brit-Sandra: Nothing. But my daddy's ever so mad. He says he's coming round to sort you out.
We go to split screen on 3'sC, and Amer-Sandra says she has to thank "Jack." That lovely ring he gave her, she sold it for $500. "Oh, and another thing, Jack. My dad? He's real mad at you and he says he's coming over to your place to--" Larry quickly hangs up. He cries, "I gave her my real ring!" In a reverse-angle shot, the trio are amused. Jack says, "Serves you right!"
Mad dad: Back at the flat, the doorbell rings. George greets a large older man with a gravelly voice.
Man: Robin Tripp?
George: Er, yeah, that's right. I was just leaving actually.
Man: Oh, no, you're not.
He backs George into the flat. He's played by Mostyn Evans, whose most notable credits are six episodes of Dr. Who, as three different characters.
Stanley is at the window when the doorbell rings. He hits his hand with the hammer and then drops the hammer on his foot. He answers the door for a not particularly threatening-looking bald man with glasses, a suit, and tie.
Man: Jack Tripper?
Stanley: Yes?
Man: You dirty old man!
He chases Stanley around the living room. Stanley says, "Don't hit me! I'm a veteran!" The man chases him some more. And the episode ends here.
The American father is played by Ted Gehring, who has a heck of a lot of credits, starting with The Big Valley in 1965, when he was about 36. He often played military or police officers.
Iodine: Brit-Larry and Robin enter the entryway. Mrs. Roper comes downstairs. Then the girls come in. Mrs. Roper says she borrowed their iodine. They ask if there was an accident, but she says it was no accident.
We go into the Ropers' flat and see that George has a black eye. His wife says, "He did it on purpose, didn't he?" She says George was running after young girls, "at your age." He says, "It's not true, Mildred." Larry tuts, then says, "Disgusting." Robin gives him a look. And the episode ends.
Commentary: It's arguable that the British Larry is sleazier than the American one. To begin with, he has that soft-core pornography in his flat, the poster and the magazines. While Jack is "being careful," Brit-Larry is handing Sandra lies like you can't get pregnant having sex standing up. Also, instead of showing any sympathy to Sandra, he asks how he knows her baby is his. And then he actually asks her out again! Admittedly, Robin/Jack wonders if he and Linda are still on for Saturday night, but at least he's punished for the question. (Brit-Linda putting her cigarette in Robin's drink is awkwardly directed, and it feels more in character for Amer-Linda.)
On the other hand, Amer-Larry is giving away all those fake wedding rings, which karmically punishes him when he accidentally gives Sandra the real thing.
Neither Larry thinks to warn his best friend that he's using his name with Sandra, not even when she thinks she's pregnant. And neither warns Robin/Jack about Sandra's angry father.
The Sandras aren't presented particularly sympathetically, or unsympathetically. The supposed pregnancies are played for laughs, and the Sandras don't seem very bright, particularly since they're mixed up about dates. Actually, the writers seem equally mixed up about dates, especially the Americans. How can it be both six weeks since Sandra's period and months since she's seen "Jack"? Even if she means her period is six weeks late, this still doesn't add up right.
It does feel harsh for Robin to call Sandra a scrubber, meaning a "coarse and sexually amenable or promiscuous woman." Even if Sandra came across as promiscuous, it would be rude to put it like this, but she seems more trusting than wayward.
Jack comes across as a little more controlling than Robin, based on how Robin says he wouldn't mind if Linda had dated other fellows, while Jack phrases it as his never having said she couldn't. This episode also in some ways is a step backward for Jack and Linda's relationship, since on "Alone Together," he said he was a one-woman man with her, while here he says they're not in love and it's practically platonic. At least Robin admits to being fond of Linda. The Lindas must forgive Robin/Jack at some point, because both will return.
The references to violence on these two episodes range from castration (Robin breaking it off, threats to his package by bread knives), to scratching, hitting, and biting, to an actual black eye. All of this is played for laughs, and interestingly, Larry suffers none of it, despite the attempts by the Sandras' fathers.
Some aspects of the plot are handled better in some ways on one show than the other. For instance, the ending of MatH is stronger, not only because Mr. Roper actually gets hit, but because it ties up the trying-to-make-Mrs.-Roper-jealous subplot more neatly than on 3'sC. Also, I like hypocritical Larry having the last word.
It makes more sense for Brit-Larry to step in and try to help Robin, particularly since he promised to. Jack has smoothed things over with Amer-Linda and there's no reason for that Larry to try to help. On the other hand, he makes a better queen than Brit-Larry does.
Speaking of gays, it's interesing that Percival the barman is gradually becoming "gayer" as MatH goes on, although he's not as prissy as he was in his incarnation as Larry's landlord. Ironically, Paul Ainsley, the actor who's making his fourth of eleven (credited) appearances on 3'sC, is gay but never minded the jokes about homosexuality.
There's also a suggestion of female masturbation, with Mildred/Helen's solitaire symbolic of how she has to do "everything" around here herself.
We get the usual divvying up of Brit-Chrissy and Jo's lines: one or two to Jack, and then all the dotty-sounding ones going to Amer-Chrissy, the cynical ones going to Janet, and then roughly Brit-Chrissy ---> Amer-Chrissy and Jo ---> Janet for the rest. There's not terribly much RCST, despite his asking her to imagine him proposing to her, thinking she's pregnant. However, the RCST sounds like it will be making a welcome return next episode....
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