The 28th episode of MatH marks the return of Roy Kinnear, but unfortunately, like the other "Jerry episodes" so far, it's rather forgettable. It takes its title from the 1962 song "Right Said Fred," in which (according to Wikipedia) "a group of workmen struggle to relocate what would seem to be a piano," and yes, this is also where the "I'm Too Sexy" band got their name. This episode aired on 11 September 1975.
http://youtu.be/z7Bvd33V9dQ
Perfect?: We open with a folk tune. Robin is partly turned away from the camera and playing guitar. The girls come home talking about the Common Market, including the metric system. Then Chrissy turns off the record.
Robin says practice makes perfect. He plays "Home on the Range" and sings along, offkey. Jo questions the perfection.
Chrissy says she studied music for four years, the piano, which she claims is harder than the guitar.
Robin says the guitar is harder because you have to crumple your hand to play B sharp. She points out that this doesn't exist.
Jo says her Uncle Arthur used to play the ukelele for the Royal Symphony Orchestra. Since this episode actually aired before the gardening one, Arthur is not yet dead.
Mrs. R: Downstairs, Mr. Roper wants to talk to his wife. She says, "You called, O Lord and Master?" He's looking for paperwork for his car. She comes in wearing a new dress, well, new in 1955. She says she has the same figure she did then. He says, "More's the pity." Then he says the dress suits her because it hides her knees.
He thinks his car is a nifty little roadster. She says it's a cat's watering hole. (So that's where Helen got it on 3'sC11!) She thinks he should trade it in.
She imitates the noise it makes and someone knocks at the end. She answers the door for Jerry, who twice calls her "Mrs. R." He shares his Thought for the Day: If all the men and women in the world were laid end to end, there'd be no need for the Pill. (The Dorothy Parker line seems to be variously quoted, but basically goes, re the Yale prom, " If all the girls attending it were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.") He laughs a lot at his own joke, while Mildred shakes her head.
He's come over to help George push the car to the M.O.T. (Ministry of Transport) test. She says the car has no engine, or at least won't by the time they get it there.
When she says the car will fail the test, Jerry says, "Isn't it better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all?" She replies, "Oh, don't tell me that, Love, tell him," then exits. Jerry asks what she meant but George pretends he doesn't know.
Goes to eleven: We get a close-up of a picture of piano keys. Chrissy is giving lessons to Robin. He tells her to stick to the left hand, because his right hand's got plans of its own. His right hand is on her shoulder.
Chrissy: I thought you said you were interested in theory.
Robin: I'd rather move on to the practice.
He moves his hand off her and claims to have eleven fingers, doing the old trick of counting 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 on one hand and then adding 5 from the other hand to make 11.
Jo looks at the sheet music and asks why some of the tadpoles on the telegraph wires have their tails handing down. Chrissy says, "Because they're not well."
Robin says he'll have to go back to the guitar because they don't have a piano. She says they know someone who has a piano.
Middle C: We next see Mildred at her sewing machine, working on her 20-year-old dress. Someone knocks and she lets in Robin and Chrissy. After some confusion about the sewing machine, she lets them play the piano while she goes to get them tea.
Chrissy first points out Middle C and Robin plays it. "The second thing is to move your leg away," since he's sitting rather close. He says sorry and then plays Middle C several times. She tells him, "There aren't many tunes composed of Middle C. And if there are, you've just played them all."
When she demonstrates C-D-E-F-G-A-B-C, he calls it "cdefgabc." She says this is the scale of C Major.
Chrissy: Above C Major is--
Robin: C Colonel.
She says she gives up, so he puts his arms around her. Mrs. Roper returns with the tea and hopes she isn't interrupting anything.
The noisy car comes home, and Mildred says that's only the windscreen wipers. George and Jerry come in. The car failed the test because of the brakes. George says that the stupid mechanic took the car up to 15 m.p.h. Mildred says that one thing George is good at is failing.
Robin and Chrissy leave, and then Jerry says his brother-in-law knows about cars. (The brother of the wife who abandoned him, or does Jerry have a sister?) Mildred asks if the brother-in-law got out, and Jerry says, yes, for good behaviour.
As Jerry gradually lowers the price from 40 quid to 30 to 25, he and the Ropers discuss the new car that George should or shouldn't get. Mildred suggests a VW, but George says that's a Kraut car. A fiat? "Eye-tie. They were on their [the Germans'] side in the War." Datsun? Jerry says, "Remember Pearl Harbor, George." Even when she suggests a secondhand English Mini, Jerry comes up with the Wars of the Roses.
George says he can't afford another car and he'd rather get the brakes fixed on this one. Mildred says he'd be throwing away 20 quid. Jerry corrects her to 25, then has to give in to 20, even though she doesn't want any thrown away. He leaves to set things up with his brother-in-law.
She suggests George sell something, but when he considers her sewing machine, she objects. They decide on the piano, since it's only used to hold photographs.
Robin returns and George tries to sell the piano to him. When George asks if Robin can play, Robin says he can do Middle C. George says there are other notes and if you play them in the right order, you can make tunes.
George: I can pick things out with one finger.
Mildred: We've seen you, George, and it's a filthy habit.
George puts his arm around Robin and says, "Look, Son, I like you." Robin asks, "Since when?" George claims he's going to give Robin a good deal on the piano, although his mother gave it to him when she died. (Now twelve years ago I guess.) But Mildred steps in and says the piano costs 20 pounds.
Robin agrees to buy it. He sits down and plays a bouncy tune I don't recognize. Chrissy opens the door and cries, "You could play all the time!"
And we go to a break.
Brilliant teaching: When we return, Chrissy and Robin are eating salad in the kitchen. She's sulking but denies it. He says he could only play that well because of her brilliant teaching. Jo comes in and says to stop arguing. (You've got to feel sorry for Jo at times, having to live with these two.)
Jo wonders where they'll put the piano, so Robin leads her into the living room and shows her, his arms around her without touching her. She says, "But it'll scratch the top of the sideboard." They'll need to move the sideboard then. Chrissy says that she lives here, too, and she didn't say they could have a piano. So Robin says he'll stick to the guitar. He plays "Home on the Range" again.
Giggle: Since they'll no longer have the piano, the Ropers clear the pictures off the top. He suggests slinging their wedding photos in the bin, since they've already seen them. He remarks, "Funny how women's fashions have changed over the years." She says, "Mine haven't."
He plays a few notes, but one key won't play. It turns out that he's found a new hiding place for his magazines, inside the piano. The titles this time are Giggle, Girly Fun, and The New Statesman, the last so he'd have something to carry the others in, although he claims not to be ashamed of them. She tells him not to wave the magazines in front of the budgie.
Someone knocks, so Mildred has George hide the dirty magazines. He puts them under a cushion and then sits pretending to read The New Statesman when Robin comes in.
George expects Mildred to move the piano with Robin. George says he has a bad back from the War. He tackled a tank single-handed. She says it was a water tank. He calls her lazy, born bone idle, but she makes him move the piano. Robin says they'll do it allegro and then pianissimo.
Side: The girls discuss where to move the furniture to accommodate the piano. If they move the settee, they'll have to watch the television on its side. Jo says once they have the piano they can sit around it and have a sing-song (which I assume is like a sing-along). The piano would fit in Robin's room if his bed was on its side. Chrissy says then he'd be able to watch television. She suggests they talk about this tomorrow, since it'll take that long to get the piano upstairs.
So we had a cuppa tea: Robin gets the piano wedged on the staircase, and George's foot is caught. Then Robin drops the piano on George's foot! Robin wonders if it comes apart, meaning the piano, but George says, "No, it's attached to my bloody leg!" Mildred takes the lyrical solution of making tea.
Robin offers George a cigarette but has to put it in George's mouth because George can't move his arms. Robin says Larry will be back on Monday (in case you were wondering why he's not in this episode), but they'd better do something before then.
Robin doesn't have a light, so he rummages in George's pockets, tickling him. He pulls out a matchbox and lights their cigarettes.
Jerry comes in and says his brother-in-law will do the car for 20 quid but he wants the money now. George tells Robin to pay Jerry, but Robin says the deal was no money till the piano is delivered upstairs. George says it's halfway up, so Robin should give Jerry half the money.
George is having trouble breathing, talking, and smoking simultaneously. Robin says they're French cigarettes and a bit strong if you're not used to them.
Jerry says they might've damaged the piano, so Robin climbs onto the side of the railing and plays the piano to make sure it's OK. Jerry requests "The Dream of Olwen," from the 1947 film While I Live.
Mildred says that the tea is ready. She suggests they come into the lounge, where it's cosy, and she even pats Robin's bottom! He takes it in stride and climbs down. He, Jerry, and Mildred go into the flat, leaving George under the piano.
And Charlie had a think, and he said, "Look, Fred,
I get a sort of feelin'
If we remove the ceilin'
With a rope or two we could drop the blighter through."
But when Jerry suggests cutting a hole in the ceiling, Mildred's not having it.
George spits out his cigarette, then Chrissy comes down the stairs. She tries to squeeze around him but can't.
Tea time is over so Mildred wants to use the best butter to grease George's foot. (Now things are turning Carrollian.) Chrissy doesn't think Mildred should use something so expensive, so Mildred considers popping down to get marge (margarine).
Jerry tells a long, rambling story about his cousin Kevin, but the point is that he can get Kevin's help to haul the piano through the upstairs window. (Not a solution present in the song.)
George laughs because Mildred is tickling him as she applies butter to his bare foot.
Doodahs: Apparently the butter works, because we next see the Ropers and the trio getting the piano onto the sidewalk. Jerry comes along with a crane. He wants to move the piano through the French windows, so the trio go upstairs to open them.
When Mildred understandably wonders if Jerry can operate the crane, he says if his cousin can do it, he can. George says, "That's true. He's even dafter than Jerry."
Jerry had to slip Kevin a quid and he's gotta get the crane back before the foreman's lunch is over, so they've only got three hours. He says he'll supervise while George and Mildred get the "doodahs," meaning ropes and things. (Well, they are Ropers. And this is as funny as any actual joke on the episode.)
Half a ton of rubble: Chrissy doesn't think the plan will work. When Robin tells her to be more positive, she says she's positive it's not going to work. Jo thinks they're at the wrong set of windows, and after disagreeing, Robin realises she's right and hastens to open the other set.
The piano is raised very high, as George directs Jerry. Jerry thinks one lever will move the piano either forwards or backwards. It of course drops the piano on the car. He says now George won't have to get the brakes fixed. Mildred says now they can get a new car.
The trio watch the disaster from above. Chrissy says, "So much for the piano." Robin breaks into "Home on the Range." This time, the girls join in. And the episode ends on, well, that note.
Commentary: It's ironic that Mildred can't stand George's crude friend, and yet she owes her new furniture and now presumably a new car to Jerry. Also, she may sarcastically call George her lord and master, but it's clear she has the last word with not only him but his mates.
Other than that, not a lot to say about this episode. Even the RCST isn't too remarkable. So here's your Wikipedia link to the Common Market: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/European_Economic_Community
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