The premise of "Love and Let Love," the flatmates having to figure out a schedule that works for nights in the flat, seems to come rather late, here in the middle of the fifth series, two years after Robin moved in. It makes more sense as the second-season opener of 3'sC, just a few months after Jack moved in. Nonetheless, Math30 aired on 25 September 1975, while "Ground Rules," 3'sC7, appeared less than two years later, on Sept. 13, 1977, and placed higher in the ratings than anything from the short first season, at #3.
Fraternal: The British episode opens on an empty lounge, lit only by the television, which is playing the Thames Studio theme music. It's time for News at 10. Robin comes in wearing his "close dancing" T-shirt, carrying a plate of sandwiches. He sits down and cuts the sandwiches, the plate resting in his lap. The newsreader tells the bleak headlines, accompanied by a tolling bell. Robin turns the telly off with the remote and says, "Oh, bloody hell." Then Brit-Chrissy comes home with a date.
Meanwhile, Janet comes home, laughing. Her date is in a suit and tie. Jack strolls in from the kitchen, eating an apple.
Brit-Chrissy thought Robin was going out.
Janet: What are you doing here?
Jack: I live here?
The dates looked surprised to see a man so at home.
Brit-Chrissy introduces Robin to Desmond, who's played by Mark Cooper. Mr. Cooper doesn't have that many acting credits-- he played a robot on Dr. Who-- but he went on to be a producer, of Shakespeare in Love among other things.
Robin says he'll try to remember Desmond's name, since it gets confusing with all Chrissy's boyfriends. The last one was Tom, or Dick, or Harry. Desmond says he thought Chrissy said she shares the flat with a girl. Chrissy says she does, and (with a great deal of hesitation) Robin is just staying with her while he's in London. He's her brother. Robin is startled to hear this.
Janet introduces Jack to Alex, who's played by Gary Cookson. A couple years after this, Mr. Cookson would be a regular on the short-lived sitcom, Delta House, based on Animal House.
Alex: You said you shared your place with a girl.
Jack: We do.
With a great deal of hesitation, Janet says that Jack is just visiting from back home. He's her brother.
Desmond/Alex says he should've seen the resemblance. Putting his arm around Janet, Jack says, "You won't believe this, but a lot of people think we don't look alike at all." Alex says, "I have an eye for these things." He smooths down his clothes, which Jack imitates, again showing through his mockery that he doesn't like his roommates' dates.
Dragging Robin into the kitchen, Chrissy tells him to remind her where she keeps the coffee. Janet asks to see Jack in the kitchen for just a moment. He cheerfully says, "Sure, Sis!" He asks Alex to "remind me to tell you about the time when we were kids and we were taking a bath together."
In the kitchen, Robin says this is the third one this month.
Robin: You're putting it about a bit, aren't you?
Chrissy: Certainly not. I'm keeping it where it's always been.
Robin: Where's that?
Chrissy: To myself, so go out.
Janet just tells Jack to find his own friends to play with.
Robin/Jack asks about the brother thing. Brit-Chrissy says that Desmond gets a bit jealous, and you how it is when you tell people you're living a fellow. Who'd believe it's platonic? Robin says, "I know. I hardly believe it myself sometimes." Janet says, "I don't think Alex is the type to believe a man and a woman living together platonically." Jack says, "Then let's try something he will believe," and mimes tearing off her clothes. She's understandably annoyed.
Janet tells Jack to go down to the Regal Beagle. He's got studying to do, so he offers to go to his room. Robin just offers to go to his room.
Brit-Chrissy: Then you'll look through the keyhole.
Robin: True. What would I see if I did?
Chrissy: Desmond and I drinking coffee.
Robin: You're gonna have to do better than that if you expect me to look through the keyhole.
Janet: You'll look through the keyhole.
Jack: That's a good idea. What'll I see?
Janet: Two people drinking coffee.
Jack: You gotta do better than that if you expect me to look through a keyhole.
He imitates her angry movements.
Brit-Chrissy tells Robin to go to the pub.
Robin: I resent this.
Chrissy: Resent it in the pub.
Jack says he'll go down to the pub for an hour. She tells him to stay out real late. He says, "Why, you little coffee-drinker you," and playfully brushes her fist with his chin, she smiling. He tosses the apple, and she catches it.
Robin keeps calling Brit-Chrissy "Sis" as she escorts him back to the lounge and out of the flat. She tells him to not come back before 12.
When Jack and Janet return to the living room, he says he's going to head out. But he adopts a tough Southern accent and says that they have a very protective family. He's the smallest of Janet's six big brothers. He exits, closing the door behind him. But then the door opens as he says, "And between us, we're two miles tall!" He strikes a muscleman pose with a goofy grin. She closes the door and leans on it, as if to keep him from returning.
Serious talk: At the White Swan, the Ropers are drinking at a table, and we can see Jo on a stool in the background.
Mildred: George, I think it's about time you and I had a serious talk.
George: Can't we change the subject?
Mildred: I haven't told you what the subject is.
He says he hasn't been well. She says he might feel better if he came to bed at the same time as her. He says he's been sharpening his pencil collection. She says, "Not for three weeks?" She says she's not going to raise her voice, but she raises it enough that Jo turns round.
At the Regal Beagle, the Ropers are at the Trio's favorite table. At the table in back of them, a young couple is sharing a very long kiss. Helen thinks it's romantic. Stanley thinks somone should call the cops on them.
He says those things should be done in private. Then he says, "Come on, Helen, let's go home." Delighted, she says, "Oh, Stanley, do you mean it?" But he's got to do the books tonight.
She says it's Friday night, but he insists he has to do the books. She says that last night he suddenly got interested in a plumbing catalog. The night before, he took the garbage out, piece by piece. He says garbage is important. She asks, "What's more important, the garbage or your wife?" With a hesitation worthy of Jack Benny deciding between his money and his life, Stanley finally says that she is but not as urgent.
He asks why her mind is always on the same thing. She says it's perfectly natural. "When you're starving, you think of food."
Robin comes in while Mildred says it'd be nice if tonight George didn't find an odd job that would keep him busy till she's fallen asleep. Robin comes over to them and says that the ball caulk in the bathroom needs fixing. (And yes, I was all "Ball cock?!? What?" But it's the part of the toilet that fills the tank.) George says he'll fix it tonight, but Mildred cries, "No!" George says the system might overflow and cause a lot of damage. Mildred says, "So could I." Robin tells George, "It's all right, you can fix it anytime you like."
Jack comes over to the Amer-Ropers and says that the water in the toilet tank keeps filling up. Stanley says he'd better look at it tonight. Helen begs, "Jack, please, can't it wait till tomorrow? Please!" He says, "Whenever's convenient."
Mildred is going to have a gin & tonic, and says that perhaps George should, too. (We learned on the "beer" episode that drinking makes him randy.)
Jack goes over to the bar. He and a cute blonde smile at each other. He orders a French wine I can't spell, from '67. Jim the bartender says he just sold the last one. So Jack orders a beer, '77. The blonde is amused.
Jack: What's a nice girl like you doing in a a nice place like this without a nice guy like me?
Girl: Waiting patiently.
Jim sets down their drinks as Jack and the girl introduce themselves. Her name is Veronica, and she's played by Jenifer Shaw, who five years later would return as Jack's date Rita on "Maid to Order."
Jack: Well, Veronica, would you like to swing on a star, carry moonbeams home in a jar, or would you rather be a mule? (She giggles.)
Veronica: I love multiple-choice questions.
Amer-Chrissy comes in and says she has to talk to Jack. She apologizes when she realizes he's hitting on a girl. She says, "We can talk about it later, when we get home." So Jack introduces her as his sister, Chrissy. Veronica says, "Oh, of course. I should've noticed the resemblance."
He invites her out for tomorrow, but that's Saturday and she's got a family get-together. She is free Sunday.
After Veronica leaves, Chrissy says that she's very pretty. Jack thanks her, but Chrissy says he had nothing to do with it.
This sequence has no equivalent on MatH, which is not to say Robin might not have a date later. But for now, he goes over to join Jo at the bar. He orders from the barman, Sid (not credited or fully shown).
Robin tells Jo he's just been turfed out. She asks if it's because of Tom, but he says Tom got the elbow. Tonight it's Desmond, who'll get the rest of Chrissy, well, till midnight.
Jack asks Amer-Chrissy what's on her "little, tiny mind." She says Janet kicked her out of the apartment.
Jack: You did it to both of us last night.
Chrissy: Well, two wrongs don't make a right.
Jo suggests the cinema or the all-night laundrette. Robin asks what's showing. She says a bra and dirty underpants.
Robin: I wouldn't turf you two out if I brought a boyfriend back home.
Jo: I think we'd leave without being asked.
Jack thinks they should go home, but Chrissy says Janet won't like it. Jack says, "I don't care. This has been happening too often. You girls come home with a boyfriend and tell me to get lost." As Mr. Roper comes over, Jack asks Chrissy, "How'd you like it if I kept coming home with a boyfriend and told you two to get lost?" Stanley grins. Jack turns and sees him. The audience laughs and claps. Stanley says, "That's telling her! You people got rights, too."
Robin says that after the pub closes, he's going straight home, back to the flat. Jo asks, "What is Chrissy going to say?"
Ketchup: In the next scene, the Brit-trio are eating breakfast, and no one says anything until Chrissy says she doesn't want to talk about how an intimate cup of coffee was ruined when Robin came back and stirred it.
The American girls are in their nightclothes. Janet sets the salt and pepper down loudly after using them on her eggs. She tells Chrissy she doesn't want to talk about it, so when Jack comes in, fully dressed, Chrissy tells him that Janet doesn't want to talk about it. He asks Janet if she's still upset about last night.
As she gradually puts what looks like the entire contents of a ketchup bottle on her eggs, she says, "Upset? Why? You mean because you two broke in right in the middle of a very personal argument between Alex and me? And because you told us to leave the room and settle things in the bedroom, which is where we were having that very personal argument? Me? I'm not upset at all." Chrissy points with her fork at Janet's plate and says, "I'd be upset." Janet looks down and pushes her plate away.
Jack: I've been thinking. You know what's causing our problems?
Janet: An interfering jackass of a roommate?
Jack: That's no way to talk about Chrissy.
Brit-Chrissy says that Robin said he was going to stay out and he didn't. She doesn't like people who tell lies. He says, "That's no way to talk to your brother."
Larry comes in. He smelled the bacon from upstairs. Although annoyed, Jo offers him her seat and some bacon.
Robin says that if anyone wants the flat to themselves, they've got to give the others 24 hours' notice. He asks if they agree, and the others, including Larry, say, "Agreed."
Jack says they need to lay down some ground rules. His roommates agree. Chrissy suggests dividing the night into shifts, like 7 to 9, 9 to 11, 11 to 1. Janet asks what if she likes to spend four hours with a guy, would she have to spread him over two nights?
Jack says a roommate should give the other two 24 hours' notice. They agree. He says no exceptions, no changes.
Robin wants the flat Monday night. The girls simply agree. But when Jack wants the apartment tomorrow night, Amer-Chrissy wants Monday. He's going out with Cheryl on Tuesday. Chrissy's seeing Jerry Wednesday. Jack's seeing the Lowell twins Thursday and Friday.
Janet says she'd like to squeeze in there sometime between now and Christmas. Tonight's free, so she'll watch a Humphrey Bogart movie on the tube. The phone rings and Chrissy goes to answer it.
As Brit-Larry puts ketchup on his bacon, he says, "I don't deserve friends like you." The trio simultaneously say, "Agreed."
Jack, torn between disgust for the way Janet's trying to scrape ketchup off her eggs and pity for her staying home alone, offers to call up Alex and ask him to give her another chance. She thinks this is a stupid idea, so he says, "Is that any way to talk to your brother?"
The American scene continues, but we need to do a couple British scenes first.
Pillow talk: Downstairs, Mildred is making the bed while George trims his moustache. He came to bed late again. He said he was just getting a cup of cocoa, but he took two hours. He says, "You're pretending that pillow's me, aren't you, Mildred?"
She says she's going to leave him someday, unless he bucks his ideas up a bit. He thinks the problem is physical, but she says it's also mental. It's him coming to bed with his socks on, laughing in his sleep, and eating pickled onions last thing at night.
Nurse: Later, Larry and Robin are drinking at the pub. Robin tells Larry that Monday he'll have over Susan, a nurse. Larry is eager and leering. She works round the corner at the ear, nose & throat place. Robin has only taken her out once. He's waiting till his second time to try his luck. Larry says this is risky, since she'll think he's a poofter. Robin says he'll disabuse her on Monday night.
Susan, a pretty brunette played by Wendy Allnutt, comes in, wearing her nurse's cape. Ms. Allnutt was a regular on The Regiment a couple years before this and seems to have worked on television from 1968 (when she was 22) to 1999, mostly in the '70s. Robin introduces Susan to Larry. Larry says he's never been in hospital himself. Robin says it can be arranged.
Susan says they changed her shift to Monday, but she's free tonight. Larry helpfully says of Robin, "He's free." Robin tells him to shut his mouth and leads her to a different part of the pub. He says he'll pick her up at the hospital, and they'll have a meal, a bottle of wine, and then go back to his place for a quick coffee. Larry does a suggestive fist movement.
Mule: Amer-Chrissy comes back to the kitchen and tells Jack the phone is for him. He goes in the living room and asks who's calling. Chrissy says, "Someone who'd rather not be a mule?" She's confused, but he says it's a joke. She's still confused, but leaves the room.
Jack asks Veronica how she got his number. Offscreen, she says the bartender gave it to her. (Hey, it was a different era.) She says the dates for the family get-together got switched, and she's free tonight instead.
When she says something about swinging on a star, his eyes roll up. He tosses and catches the receiver. He tells her, "You've got a date." They'll meet at the Regal Beagle at 6.
After he hangs up, he says, "Why do I lie like that?"
Over in England, Jo is dusting while Chrissy vacuums. Robin comes home and tells them about a fantastic film called Drums over Benghazi. He adlibs badly, but they don't seem to notice. Still, Chrissy was thinking of washing her hair tonight.
He admits he wants to bring a girl back tonight rather than Monday. She says it's not 24 hours' notice, but she'll think about it. After a moment, she says she thought about it and the answer's no. She's staying in tonight. Robin looks at Jo, who laughs.
And we break for adverts.
Over in the U.S., Jack goes back to the kitchen and sweetly apologizes to Janet. He says that if she ever wants to trade nights, she just has to ask. She says, "Tonight's great. I love Humphrey Bogart." When he admits that he wants to trade nights, she exclaims, "Jack, the rules have only been in effect for two minutes!"
As she storms out of the kitchen, she says, "You made your bed, now you lie in it!" He says, "I can't! It's not my night."
And we go to commercial.
Myra: When we come back, the episodes diverge, so I'll talk about the path that MatH takes first. There's a close-up on a table at the pub, with empty glasses. The camera backs out to show George. In the background, we can see Larry, in his Oxford shirt, talking to a plain girl with red hair pulled back into a ponytail. She's played by Veronica Doran, who was on Crossroads at 16 in 1964 and continued doing television for another 36 years. The camera moves further over to Larry and the girl, as he describes a race he supposedly drove in.
Robin and Susan come in, so the camera shifts over to them. She says she thought they were going back to his place for coffee. He says they're just going to have a quick drink.
Robin: What do you fancy?
Susan: I fancy going back to your place.
He says it'll be a very quick drink.
He's goes over to Larry for a quick word. Larry introduces him as Robin, his chief mechanic. Myra shakes hands with Robin, although she's been eating some sort of bacon-flavoured snack. (Hey, at least she has something in common with Larry.)
Referring to Larry's strange taste in women, Robin says, "You've done it again, haven't you?" Annoyed, Larry says, "Yeah, all right, all right!"
Robin asks if Larry is staying in this evening, but he's going to Myra's place. So he agrees to let Robin use his flat, in exchange for a drink. Robin has to not only order a Scotch from Sid, but also a pint of barley wine for Myra.
No means maybe: When 3'sC returns, Janet is dressed for daytime and doing the TV Guide crossword. Chrissy comes home and asks where Jack is. Janet says, "You mean Hot-to-Trot Tripper?" She thinks Jack has a lot of nerve. First he makes up the rules and then he wants to change them.
Janet: Isn't that just like a man?
Chrissy: (nervously) Yeah, a woman would never do anything like that, would she?
Then Chrissy admits that she has a date with Eddie from the office. Janet says Chrissy is in luck. The sound is out on the TV again. She'll go catch a movie and Chrissy can have the apartment to herself.
Then Janet says she hopes Chrissy doesn't have "the same problem I had last week with Bob: he kept looking for a parking place for his hands."
Chrissy: Why can't a guy realize that when a girl says no, she really means no?
Janet: Right.
Chrissy: Except when she means maybe.
They laugh as they set date-rape awareness back a decade. (Even as a child, this exchange bugged me. Admittedly, I was a child who expected the ERA to pass.)
Sandwich amok: In the next American scene, Jim brings Veronica and Jack plates of sandwiches. He asks Jack if he wants this on his tab, too. Jack says yes, he has no cash on him, or anywhere. Then he chuckles and says, "I know him."
She wants to go to Jack's place.
Jack: Oh, this is so embarrassing. If you must know, it's not my night.
Veronica: Well, how do you know if you haven't even tried?
The audience laughs and claps.
He says his sister is entertaining her fiancé.
Veronica: That's too bad.
Jack: Yeah, we don't think much of him either.
He says they can have gobs of fun here. She asks how so he says, "How?" and then delivers the word as an Indian. He demonstrates his do-it-yourself toy. He has her wind up his thumb. Then his hand flails, before wrecking his sandwich. He shoots it with his other hand. She looks a little frightened. The audience applauds.
They've been drinking white wine, so he goes to the bar to get some more.
Shelves: The episodes are about to sync up again. George calls Robin over, as Jack sees Stanley at the bar. When Jack orders two glasses of white wine from Jim, Stanley says, "Thanks, Jack."
Jack explains that one glass is for a friend.
Stanley: Which one is it? The guy with the leather jacket and the matching purse?
Jack: No, he's not my type.
Veronica comes over and puts her hands on Jack's shoulders. She kisses him on the cheek. "Be back in a minute, Honey," she says and presumably goes to the restroom. Stanley stares. Jack slaps himself as if to remove her touch. The audience laughs and claps.
Stanley wonders about this "friend." Jack says they're just pals. Stanley asks, "You two go bowling?" Jack says it's something like that.
Stanley asks, "Does she know you're a--?" He does the Tinkerbell sign. Jack says, "She knows exactly what I am, thank you." He pushes down Mr. Roper's hand.
Jim sets down the wine glasses and Jack takes a sip. Stanley says Jack is lucky he can be pals with women. He doesn't have the same problems a regular man has. Jack asks, "Like what?"
George tells Robin he's sorry he hasn't fixed the toilet system but he has things on his mind. Mildred is a very demanding woman and she keeps on at him to do things.
George/Stanley is uncomfortable talking about this, so Robin/Jack says, "Like putting up a shelf?" George/Stanley seizes this simile.
George: She's never satisfied. It's not as if I've never put up a shelf. I may not put up shelves as often as some husbands do, but I do put up shelves. Sometimes.
Stanley: She's never satisfied I mean, it's not as if I never put up a shelf. I mean, maybe I don't put up as many shelves as some husbands. But, uh, I, I put up shelves.
Jack: (smiling) I'm sure you do.
Stanley: If Helen had her way, I'd be putting up a shelf every night. [Applause. Jack exhales.]
Jack: That's a lot of shelves. (He raises his eyebrows and takes another sip from his glass.)
George says he doesn't know how often is what you'd call normal. Robin says there's not a lot of research on that subject. George says Mildred is waiting for him.
Veronica returns and says, "I'm back," putting her hands on Jack's shoulders again. Removing her arms, he says, "Ever since she gave up smoking, she doesn't know what to do with her hands."
Stanley promises to get to the toilet as soon as possible. He went to go fix it, but nobody was home, and he doesn't like to barge in. Jack is very happy. He takes Veronica's hand and leads her to the doorway.
Jack: Nobody's home. Know what that means?
Veronica: I think so.
Jack: Maybe we could put up a shelf.
Veronica: Huh?
They exit.
Robin acts like he doesn't know what George is talking about, but then he says, "That is awkward. Sorry, Mr. Roper, I've got to go back to, er, put up a shelf." He returns to Susan and tells her to finish her drink and they'll be off. She hasn't got a drink. "Good, we can have one at my place."
After they exit, Larry continues with his story, including the car catching ablaze. Myra says nothing stops him. Looking at her, he agrees. Then George comes over and asks the national average for putting up a shelf.
Foolish: Larry's flat has new scantily clad posters. Robin makes the messy bed and finds red knickers, which he hides in his shirt. He tries to find drinks. Susan says, "Perhaps it's just as well. With all the wine we had with the meal, I might do something foolish if we had any more." This makes him more determined to find the alcohol.
Duty letter: On the middle floor, Brit-Chrissy reads Jo the conclusion of her "duty letter" to her mother. Chrissy needs a stamp, but the machine on the corner just sells milk. (The milk vending machine came up on the second episode, but I'd thought it was something random to get away from Chrissy's mum, since that's how it's used on the 3'sC episode.) Jo gives Chrissy a 10 penny stamp for 18p postage. Jo offers to mail the letter on her way to the cinema, but Chrissy says she'll walk down with her. It's dark out and she doesn't want Jo shoving the letter in the mouth of a Chelsea pensioner.
Larry and Myra are on the landing. He says she might've told him her mum and dad were going to be there. She says they never take their eyes off the telly. He says, "Well, they would've done tonight," and gives her a big hug and kiss.
Jo and Chrissy come out of their flat.
Larry: You going out then?
Jo: Yeah, to the cinema. Bye.
Due to misunderstanding, Larry thinks he can kick Robin out of his flat, since Robin's flat is free. He gives Myra another hug and kiss.
Engine: Robin serves Susan coffee and an unlabeled drink.
Susan: Robin, I hope you don't think I'm easy just because I've come back to your place with you.
Robin: Good Lord, no. I hope you don't think I am, just because I brought you.
As he talks about not minding spending 5 quid, well, 5.50 on her, she undoes his shirt. (The knickers don't fall out.) She says he forgot VAT.
They put their arms around each other and lean back, she on top. But Larry and Myra come in, so Robin and Susan scramble to sit up again.
Larry has a request for Robin: get out. He confidentially tells Robin he just saw Chrissy go out to the pictures with Jo. Robin tells Susan he made a stupid mistake. They've come up one floor too many.
When Larry refers to "her" being downstairs earlier, Robin has to explain "her" away as his sister Chrissy, who's staying with him while she's in London. He and Susan head downstairs.
Now Larry will show Myra how to strip down an engine. They'll pretend she's an engine, with twin wangles. When he tries to "remove the spark plugs," putting his hand on her blouse, she pushes his hand away and says she's a decent girl. He exclaims, "You can't be!"
Sisters: Since Larry isn't in the American episode, they skip all that and jump ahead to the nearest parallel scene. Robin/Jack brings Susan/Veronica to his place. The lights are out on 3'sC, but Robin has to dim them, claiming it's for the goldfish. He also puts on Music to Swim Round and Round and Round to.
Robin asks Susan what she wants to drink. She says she's easy, in the sense of not caring what drink. He goes to get her something.
Veronica asks about the white wine. Jack realizes there's none left in the apartment.
Veronica: It's just as well. If I had another drink, I might do something very foolish.
Jack: I'll find something.
She'll freshen up in the bathroom while he's looking.
Brit-Chrissy comes home and turns on the lights. Robin comes in with a bottle. When Susan says that she knows Chrissy is Robin's sister, Chrissy is surprised. He says, "If I was your brother last night, there's no reason why I shouldn't be your brother tonight, is there?"
She turns off the music and tells Susan that madness runs in the family, mostly in the form of a strange sense of humour. Susan mentions Robin pretending he lives upstairs. Chrissy calls him Bonzo, because he thinks he's a Doberman Pinscher. (Is that a dog's name in England? I associate it more with Bonzo the chimp.)
Amer-Chrissy comes home to the empty living room. She tells her date she had a wonderful time. A hand reaches for her (played by Paul "Jim the Bartender" Ainsley apparently), but she shuts the door.
She takes off her shawl and lets down her blonde hair. She sits on the couch with her back to the kitchen. Like Veronica, she's wearing a red dress, although hers is a turtleneck and Veronica's is lowcut. The audience says oh, as if they know what's coming.
There's a shot from over Jack's shoulder, as he comes back from the kitchen. He smiles and sets down a beer. The audience claps.
He tiptoes over and then jumps onto the couch, yelling, "Surprise!" He lands on Chrissy, who falls onto her back. She screams. The audience claps and squeals.
Veronica returns from the bathroom and turns on the living room light, as Jack climbs off of Chrissy.
Jack: This isn't what you're seeing!
Veronica: With your own sister? I've seen some pretty kinky things, but with your own sister?
Robin says Chrissy should be at the cinema with Jo. When Susan asks about Jo, Chrissy says, "Joe is our brother. He's really an odd one." Jo comes home. She says that Drums over Benghazi finished last night. Seeing blonde Jo in the dress, Susan tells Chrissy, "He is an odd one!" So Robin barks.
Veronica runs toward the door as Janet returns. She asks if this is another sister. Janet says, "Oh, right. Our friends call us Donny & Marie." (The Osmonds' popular variety show was then airing on ABC.) Veronica calls Jack a sickie again and leaves. He yells, "I'm not a sickie! I'm just a liar!"
Since Jack broke his own ground rule, the girls come up with a penalty. Anyone in the apartment when it's not their night, will lose their turn for an entire month. All in favor must raise their hands. Jack raises his hand to object, so Chrissy says it's unaminous. She shakes hands with Janet.
Once: Meanwhile, George staggers into the building and goes into his flat. In the bedroom, Mildred is reading Once Is Not Enough, one of Jacqueline Susann's decadent best-sellers. George comes in, still staggering, and starts to disrobe.
Helen is also in bed, but sleeping. Stanley is gargling in the bathroom. She hits the alarm and wakes up. He turns with a smile and steps forward.
Mildred says, "So you finally decided to come home." He tells her, "I'll be with you in a minute, My Turtledove." Helen asks if Stanley has been doing the books all this time. He says no, he took a little walk and stopped by the Regal Beagle. He got to thinking, he hasn't been putting up enough shelves lately.
Mildred/Helen thinks her husband has had too much to drink. He says he had just enough. Mildred gets her hopes up.
George/Stanley says he has no more little jobs to do, well, one more little job. Helen is delighted and excited. The audience laughs and claps.
George is down to his undershirt and shorts. Stanley undoes his robe and says, "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." There's more laughter and applause. George/Stanley gets into bed.
Mildred cuddles up to George. He tells her he thinks the world of her. She says she knows that.
George: Be gentle with me, Mildred.
Stanley: Be gentle with me, Helen.
Now Stanley and Helen snuggle. Mildred smiles and holds George's head tenderly. She kisses his forehead.
George: You wouldn't really leave me, Mildred?
Mildred: Of course I wouldn't, George.
Unfortunately, the ceiling starts to leak. The kids' toilet tank overflowed. George/Stanley is annoyed but thinks he has to go upstairs and fix it. Mildred/Helen stops him and says, "Let's drown!" Mildred throws George back on the bed and kisses him. Stanley grins and Helen gets on top of him.
And the episodes end on these intimate moments.
Commentary: So let's see, these episodes joke about voyeurism, impotence (as usual), homosexuality (as usual), virgins who seem easy (Brit-Chrissy and Myra, but probably not Susan or Veronica), date-rape, incest, and cross-dressing (or is it a sex change?). These episodes are kinkier than usual, and at moments even sickie. As before, Mildred's reading choice is appropriate.
It's interesting that Jo comes across as more homophobic than Amer-Chrissy, and not just on this episode. She isn't always that way. She was nice to the gay couple at the party on "While the Cat's Away." But Amer-Chrissy never makes little remarks about how bad it would be if Jack were gay. On the other hand, there are moments where Stanley sounds tolerant of gay people, as a change from his usual homophobia, but it's usually just him being amused by Jack's supposed homosexuality.
We never do find out what Alex and Janet quarreled about, and whether it matters if they make up. It seems to be something sexual, but remains private. On the other hand, we learn more about the love lives of the two sets of Ropers. There's more emotion on the British show, with drunk George admitting he thinks the world of Mildred and hopes she won't leave him. In America, it's more a matter of Stanley and Helen finally going to have sex. (I think this is the first time in the six months the show had been on, and who knows how long they went without before that.)
I think the person I feel most sorry for on these two episodes is Veronica. She meets this funny, cute guy in the bar, and then she finds out he's broke and has an idea of fun that includes not only winding up his own hand but jumping his own sister. Even if it had been Veronica on the couch, that wouldn't have been much of a seduction technique. She'd more likely be startled than turned on.
This is one of those episodes where Jack is pretty rude to Chrissy, this time saying she has a little, tiny mind and acting like she's the jackass roommate. And he treats Janet and Veronica pretty badly. He is sympathetic to Mr. Roper though. Robin comes across a bit better. As for Brit-Larry, he remains sleazy towards his dates.
As a kid, I really liked the absurdity of "two miles tall." And I first heard of the Bing Crosby song "Swinging on a Star" through this show. Also, my ex-husband and I would say, "That's a lot of shelves," as an in-joke. So despite some of the unpleasantness of "Ground Rules," I do have pleasant associations with it.
"Jack Looks for a Job" aired next, followed by two episodes that weren't inspired by MatH. It's hard to picture Brit-Chrissy or Jo, with all their confidence about their looks, contemplating breast implants like Janet does in "Janet's Promotion," and the whole point of "Strange Bedfellows" is that Jack and Mr. Roper wake up in bed together, which wouldn't work with Mr. Roper knowing Robin is straight.
Then came "Chrissy's Date" and "Alone Together," both memorable conversions, the former involving roommates coming back to the apartment earlier than expected. After them was "Roper's Car," which could well have been a British plot but wasn't. "Cyrano de Tripper" I discussed earlier. And then was "Chrissy's Night Out" where a cop mistakes Chrissy for a hooker, which is difficult to imagine happening to Brit-Chrissy or Jo. "Stanley Casanova" might've worked for George, since he, too, tries to convince Mrs. Roper other women find him attractive.
"Janet's High School Sweetheart" is another plot based on Janet's insecurities, so no British equivalent there. "Jack's Uncle" writing him a bad check actually might've worked for Robin. "Helen's Job" might've worked for Mildred. I've covered "Three's Christmas." "The Gift," where Chrissy thinks Mrs. Roper's new coat is her own, could've been a British episode.
I'm not sure about "The Rivals," where Janet and Chrissy are interested in the same guy. The Brit-Chrissy & Jo dynamic is so different, and again this is an episode where Janet feels unattractive. I've discussed "The Baby Sitters" and "Home Movies." "Jack in the Flower Shop" of course couldn't have happened to Robin, since Brit-Chrissy and Jo are both secretaries and probably couldn't hire Robin. "Jack's Navy Pal" is one of the worst 3'sC episodes (seriously, it will make you want to break something), and I'm glad there's no British counterpart.
I've already covered "Will the Real Jack Tripper" and "Days of Beers and Weeds." "Chrissy Come Home" wouldn't have worked for Brit-Chrissy because her father isn't as protective as Amer-Chrissy's minister dad.
And that takes us up to the penultimate episode of the second season, which I will cover next....
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