"All in the Game"

Well, I can see why they didn't Americanize MatH23.  Although "All in the Game" includes both the return of Jerry and an impressive array of suggestive comments, it doesn't really go anywhere.

Darts: As the episode opens, Chrissy and Jo are playing darts, with Mr. Roper's face in the centre, the board on Robin's door.  Jo is losing but she doesn't mind because "if you're good at darts, men think you're a lesbian."  Chrissy calls her the world's first female chauvinist pig and tells her you can be feminine without pretending to be daft.  Jo says she's not pretending.

When Jo says she can have an intellectual discussion, Chrissy asks, "Do you think the liquidity of the Eurodollar will be affected by the inflation of commodity prices?" 

Jo accidentally hits Robin's guitar, "nearly severing his g-string."  He calls her daft, so she says, "As a matter of fact, I don't think the liquidity of the Eurodollar will be affected by the inflation of commodity prices."  After she leaves the room, Robin asks, "What's that got to do with the dart in my guitar?"  Chissy says, "Oh, she's just proving she isn't a lesbian."

He gives Chrissy dart lessons, his hands on her hips.  He compliments her perfume.  She tells him to not sniff it all in, since it's expensive.

Board game:  We visit the Ropers, and he wants to play a board game called Escape.  She tells him to play with himself.  He says that isn't as much fun.  She says he was doing it last night.  He says he lost.

Jerry knocks and Mildred answers.  In the first of several references to rain this episode (most of which I'm going to omit because they have no real impact on the plot), he says something like the angels must've been on a bender last night because it's really pissing down, although not in those exact words.  (His accent is one of the ones I can't always interpret.)  Mildred tells George his crude friend is here.

When George invites Jerry to play a game with Mildred as a S.S. prison guard, he thinks George is talking about something kinky.  She exclaims, "It's a board game!  You know, you all sit around and get bored."

Target:  Back upstairs, Robin says Chrissy is getting much nearer the target.  She says, "So are you, move your hand."

The three of them are going down to the pub to meet Jo's boyfriend, but first Robin gives another darts lesson, without touching Chrissy.  He says you need to be lightly balanced on the balls of your feet.  "I'm not balanced on my heels.  I'm balanced on my-- I'm lightly balanced." 

He says you have to keep your wrist loose.  Jo says that the fellow down at the hairdresser's would make a fantastic darts player then.  This proves Chrissy's point.  "If he's good at it, how can you say it's not feminine?"

Robin throws terribly, then blames it on there being no feathers on the dart.

Someone knocks and Chrissy answers.  It's George and Jerry, so Robin and Jo hide the dartboard behind a chair cushion.  Jo says Jerry is the odd-job man.  Jerry lists off a bunch of more prestigious titles.  Then George says Jerry came to do some odd jobs in the flat.

The trio leave, telling the two older men to help themselves.  So George pours booze for Jerry and himself.  They talk about how good young people have it.  They didn't have to grow up without the benefit of bananas.  George says he didn't see a banana till he was 12.  He tried to eat it with the skin on and it shot out the end.  The cat got it.  (In "Carry Me Back to Southampton," George claimed he didn't see an orange till he was 25, which sounds even worse.)

Jerry, whom presumably should know, asks if George had any kids.  George says they decided they didn't want any, after they didn't have any.  This is the first time it's come up on the show proper, although it was briefly mentioned in the movie.  Jerry says, "We just had the one girl."  It wasn't practical to have more after the missus ran off.  Jerry has raised his daughter with a firm hand, right round the earhole.

Speaking of holes, they find some on the door to Robin's room.  Jerry says it's wormwood and it also attacked the lino. 

Colin and Vera:  At the pub, Jo's date, Colin, is already sitting at the table as the trio come in.  Robin says of the rain, you can't rely on anything if the the forecast is accurate.  While Robin gets the drinks, Chrissy finds out that Colin is a policeman, which she suspected when he said, "Hello, hello, hello," to the three of them.  He's played by Hessel Saks, who has only three other credits, none of them particularly notable.  Even this role isn't much to talk about, although it does continue the idea from "It's Only Money" that Jo fancies policemen.

When Robin calls the barman Jock, the barman says his name is Percival.  Robin says everyone calls Scotsmen Jock.  Percival says, "Not if their surname happens to be Strap."

By the way, there's a white swan sculpture on the bar, proving the name of the place.

Larry introduces Robin to his date, a sort of plain redhead named Vera.  Robin asks, "Larry, where do you find them?"  Larry says she works in a builder's yard.  He went for a set of doorknobs and came out with her.  She's played by Jo Garrity, who has almost as few credits as Mr. Saks.  Oddly enough, she played "girl with beautiful eyes" in a documentary called Horizon a couple years before this episode.

Jo explains to Chrissy how she and Colin met.  She was on a double yellow line, but luckily not while in a car.  He says he wanted her to assist him in his inquiries, like what she was doing Saturday night.

Robin comes over and wants to show them how he gets jackpots using a washer in the machine.  (This recalls him tipping one of the doormen in the movie.)  Chrissy tries to signal to him that Colin is a policeman, but he doesn't understand.  Then Colin says they have a machine like that in the police canteen, but they use a cardboard Smarties label.  Chrissy starts to say that they must try that, then stops herself.  Colin calls Robin and Chrissy Bonnie & Clyde, then he and Jo leave.

40 quid total:  Back at the flat, George says it looks like a perfectly healthy floorboard, but Jerry says that if it gets to the joists, all the trio's furniture will crash into George's living room.  Jerry calls George a silly nurk, apparently an insult that Spike Milligan used on the show Porridge.  Jerry says he has some wood preserver, which he insists isn't nicked (stolen). 

Jerry does the maths on Robin's door:  12 tins at 90 p/tin, less 10% discount, plus 8% VAT = 480.  Plus labour, 75 times 6 over 9/10, take away the inside leg measurement = 40 quid total.

George goes to ask Mildred what his decision is.  After he leaves, Jerry says, "You'll always be a tick, George."  Jerry sits in the chair and finds the dartboard.  He realises what happened and laughs.

George returns with Mildred, who's very skeptical.  Jerry doesn't tell them what he found out.  Instead he says he'll cut his throat and come down to 35.  She suggests he cut his head off and come down to 30.  He says he's pretty busy at the moment, so will this afternoon be all right?

Riddled with woodworm:  Vera and Larry join Robin and Chrissy at the table.  Vera says she always really wanted to be an air hostess, or one of Pan's People.  ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pan's_People )  Robin rolls his eyes.  Still, Vera says you meet interesting people at a builder's yard.  Chrissy agrees, "Gary Glitter might come in for a brick."  (Of course, back on "And Then There Were Two," Sheila being a Gary Glitter fan was a turn-off for Larry.)

The Ropers come in and join them.  Mrs. Roper says she has a bit of bad news.  George laughs and says, "You're riddled with woodworm, Son."  Robin didn't think it showed.

They can't sleep in their flat because of the fumes.  Robin starts to say they could stay at Larry's, but Larry has plans with Vera.

Mrs. Roper invites the trio to stay with them.  Mr. Roper says they have only one double bed.  Borderline flirting with Robin, she says they'll all squeeze in somehow.

And we go to an advert.

Israeli:  When we return to the flat, the dust cloths are all over.  Robin and Chrissy are taking down bedding and a small plant.  Jerry has a young assistant named Tom.  (Yes, that joke is coming, but wait for it.)  Tom is played by Ian Sharp, who previously worked for Jerry as a removal man on "We Shall Not Be Moved."  Jerry tells Robin and Chrissy, "As soon as Tom and me leave, the smell should start to clear." 

Jerry claims to be using the finest wood preserver in the world, made in Israel.
Chrissy:  What if our woodworms aren't Jewish?
Jerry:  What's the difference?
Robin:  I mean, not very much.  I'd need a microscope to point it out.

We get a close-up of the "wood preserver" label in Hebrew.  Jerry "reads" it with words like bar mitzvah, shalom, bagel, kosher, and oy vey.

As soon as Robin and Chrissy leave, Jerry goes under the dust cloth over the bar, for a quick one.  Chrissy comes back to ask him to tell Jo they're downstairs.  She doesn't question why the odd-job man is playing ghost.

A bit you know:  George still doesn't want the kids to sleep over.  He thinks a few poisonous fumes never harmed anyone, and they could always loan them gas masks.  In contrast, Mildred warmly welcomes Robin and Chrissy, especially the former.  She tells him, "You'll be in my bed, Dear.  Er, with George of course."  Mildred will be on the settee, and the girls on camp beds in the lounge.

George asks Robin if he has any bad habits.  Robin says just kung fu dreams, making perhaps the dozenth reference to kung fu on the show.

In the hallway, George tells Mildred that he's worried Robin might be a bit, you know.  She cruelly asks, "Even if he was, which he isn't, who'd fancy you?"

In the Ropers' flat, Robin is worried that Mr. Roper might mistake him for Mrs. Roper in the middle of the night.  Chrissy says, "That would be tough luck, the one night of the year he's in the mood, and it's you," and she laughs.  He says you never know.  She tells him that if it happens, "Don't mention it to Mrs. Roper, she'd never forgive you."

The Ropers return.  She says this is like the wartime spirit.  So he suggests the kids sleep in a Tube station. 

Mildred is glad she's not sleeping with George's icy feet for a change.  He says she's got an unnaturally hot back.

She wants him to entertain their guests.  So he asks if they've taken their summer holidays yet.  Chrissy says she's waiting till winter is over.  (As it happens, this episode aired 20 March, right at the end of winter.)

George wants their guests to play Escape, and they look like they want to escape.

Mask:  Upstairs, Tom is doing the spraying of the wood preserver, but Jerry wears the mask.  He's still drinking, so he gets alchohol on the mask

We go back downstairs, where George is losing against Chrissy.  He gets a disguise as a young German girl, but it backfires, so Robin says a line as a young German girl.

Larry and Vera enter the building.  She says the movie they saw had lots of nude women, and she thought vampires always go for the throat.  Leering, Larry says, "Some do, some don't."  The movie sounds too racy for Hammer horror, but you never know.

He asks if she fancies a quick drink.  She says she shouldn't really, but she heads upstairs.

Supervise:  Tom says all Jerry has done is watch while he works, but Jerry says he's supervising.  Larry knocks and comes in.  He's borrowing, er, borrowing back the Scotch.  Jerry hands him the almost empty bottle and says it evaporated.

Larry is also borrowing records.  He wants something smooth and sexy.  Jerry says, "Got a bit of fluff lined up, have you?"  Larry says the girl is right on the boil.  Jerry encourages him.

Then Vera comes in and says, "Hello, Dad."  She decides to head home.  Jerry glares at Larry.

Downstairs, George tries to parachute from an escape tunnel.  Robin points out you can't throw 13 with two dice.  Then George gets shot in both legs and will miss three turns.

Toerag:  Back upstairs, Jerry calls Larry a "dirty little toerag, sniffing round my Vera like that."  He says he would've swiped Larry one if Tom hadn't held him back.  Tom says he didn't, but Jerry says he knew Tom would've so he didn't.

Jo and Colin come in.  Tom makes the introductions, "Tom.  And Jerry."  Jo says, "You don't look like them."  (Not really worth the wait, was it?)

Colin asks Jerry if he has the receipt for the wood finisher.  From Jerry's face, it looks doubtful.

Good loser:  Mildred has surrounded George in all directions, but he won't surrender.  Chrissy says it's only a game, not real life.  Mildred says he loses at that, too. 

George knocks over the board.
Robin:  Nothing like a good loser.
Chrissy:  No, he isn't.

There's a knock.  Jerry says he's going down to the police station to help this gentleman with his inquiries.  Colin says the container was nicked from a local warehouse last week.  It's not even wood preserver.  It's anti-freeze.  Robin says they'll have no trouble starting up the floorboards in the morning.  It's unclear if they ever find out that they didn't even have wormwood.

Commentary:  In the very funny 3'sC episode "Strange Bedfellows," from season two, Jack and Mr. Roper wake up in bed together after a wild party.  It's completely innocent but homophobic Stanley is scared.  Here, both Robin and George worry about sharing a bed, but they don't.  The whole episode is strung together with set-ups that never get fulfilled.  That's our pay-off, Jerry being carted off to gaol by Jo's date?  Larry not getting laid because his date is Jerry's daughter?  Even the RCST doesn't build.

So here's a list of the innuendos I caught (not counting the use of the word "lesbian," since that's pretty direct):
1.  Robin's G-string
2.  George playing with himself
3.  Mildred as a S.S. prison guard
4.  Robin's target
5.  Robin's balls
6.  Jock Strap
7.  Larry looking for a knob and finding Vera
8.  Jewish woodworms with microscopic differences from Gentile woodworms
9.  Movie vampires going for somewhere other than the throat

Notice that most of it happens in the first half of the episode.  It's like there were different writers for each half, and they quarreled, or the second writer got bored and just wrote filler. 

But I won't despair, because the next episode is one that inspired a 3'sC episode chockful of misunderstandings, and I'm looking forward to finally seeing the original again....