Encyclopedic

Wow, the Yanks really transformed MatH29!  Specifically, the producers Nicholl, Ross, and West, who again wrote an episode based on a British episode, took the basic premise of "A Little Knowledge" and added a whole other scenario inside it, even if they again chose a bland title, in this case "Jack Looks for a Job."  The MatH episode appeared 18 September 1975, although we'll soon find out it's set a bit earlier.  3'sC8 aired close to two years later, on Sept. 20th, 1977, and landed at #6 in the ratings.

Thyme:  We open on the cooking students in the kitchen, Robin in his naughty apron and singing, "Parsley, sage, rosemary, and dash of lemon juice."  George walks in on Robin saying, "Just a little squirt," meaning the lemon juice.  Stanley also comes in without knocking, startling Jack.  He tells Jack that the front door is open, and any undesirable could walk right in.  Jack says, "You're absolutely right."

When homophobic Stanley hears that Jack is alone, he says maybe they'd better leave the door open.  So Jack moves closer.

George/Stanley came up to get some tins/cans of Carter's Baked Beans.  He wants three labels for a contest.  First prize is a fortnight in Barbados/ two weeks in Hawaii.  It's not just the labels, you've got to do a bit more than that.
Robin:  Listen, three tins of beans and you won't be able to stop yourself.
Jack:  Three cans and you probably will.

Jack and Stanley have moved into the living room, so Jack tells Stanley to feel free to look in the kitchen for Carter's. 

The girls come home, Janet carrying flowers, presumably from her shop.  The Chrissys ask, "What's that smell?"  Robin/Jack says Mr. Roper's here, which makes more sense as a joke on 3'sC because Mr. Roper isn't in the room, so, one, the girls wouldn't know he's around, and two, it seems less harsh to insult him behind his back than to his face.

The smell they refer to is actually Robin/Jack cooking something expensive again.  After George leaves because of the lack of beans, Brit-Chrissy sees veal and chicken in Robin's dish.  She asks, "Why not go whole hog, Krugerrands and chips?"  (The South African gold coin was fairly new then, having been introduced in 1967.)  There's also brandy in the food, but Robin says it's not his fault they sold him a drunken chicken.

We find out that Robin's on holiday from school, which is why he has more time to cook fancy meals.  He threatens to throw this food away, and the girls, Chrissy especially, dare him to, but he can't bring himself to.

They all sit down and he claims that the vegetable dish contains soy and the white wine is a cheap brand called Chateau Rubbish.  Chrissy says their grocery bill was 16 pounds last week, and they can't go on like this with only two of them bringing in money. 

The scene ends there, but 3'sC spells it out more.  Janet says, "You know we can't afford that kind of food every night."  Chrissy says especially with one of them not working.  Jack says they all know who she means, so why not just say it?  So she says it's him, and he says he's hurt and she has a mean streak.

There's more, but we can't get into it just yet.

Abu Dhabi:  There's a close-up on the want ads and then it backs out to show Robin reading them.  Brit-Chrissy is also checking and she finds a listing, but it's in Abu Dhabi.  He says that would cost too much in bus fares.

He wants a temporary, holiday job, like snow-shifting.  She says, "In the middle of August?"  He says there'd be no competition.  OK, if this is the middle of August, then that probably pushes Chrissy's birthday back to July.

Chrissy suggests that he be a postman, since it's better than walking the streets. 

His student grant ran out at the end of the month.  She says it was supposed to last four months.  He says, "Don't remind me."

Jo comes in and sits next to Robin on the settee.  She asks, "Seen anything worth going for yet?"  He says, "Not yet, but if you'd like to lean a little bit more forward."  She's wearing a lowcut dress and we get a glimpse of her bra.  She tells him to stop that and he's got to get some money.  "Oh, I see, you're that kind of girl."

Chrissy finds an ad for a job at International Educational Services, where a young man can earn up to 100 pounds a week.  (Apparently in the '70s, you could still have gender-specific want ads, although feminists were starting to challenge that.)  Robin rings them up, although Jo doesn't think he should looking like that, unshaven and in his dressing gown.  Chrissy suggests he make his voice sound neat and tidy.  So he says in a low-class accent, "Hello, Guv, I'm scruffy and in my dressing gown," though he shifts into a posh voice when they actually pick up.

We don't find out till a few scenes later that the job is for an encyclopedia salesman, but in America the ad is more direct.  Jack says he's been looking at want ads all day.  Janet sees lots of part-time listings but Jack says none of them fit into his school hours.  (If I remember correctly, his classes are mostly in the morning.)  Then Janet sees the one for an encyclopedia salesman.

Jack says he couldn't sell door to door, all those women saying no.  He couldn't take that kind of rejection.  Chrissy says, "I don't see why not.  You've had enough practice here with us."

Then Janet sees an ad for male models, $10/hour.  They want someone tall, young, good-looking.  Jack feigns modesty and says they wouldn't want him.  Chrissy says he's tall and young.  He waits.  Then Janet says, "Maybe they won't notice."  Jack pouts.

Cucumbers:  Downstairs, Mildred reads aloud from a magazine called Woman, while Helen reads an unknown magazine.  The magazines advise putting a slice of cucumber over each eyelid and then relaxing for 20 minutes.  They lie down with slices over their eyes. 

George/Stanley comes home and is surprised by the cucumbers.  He takes one slice off his wife's face.  She says it's for wrinkles round the eyes.  He says it's working, she's got quite a few/a gang of them there.  Then he eats the slice.  On 3'sC, this becomes the moment for Stanley playing to the audience, and they respond with applause of course.

George tells Mildred about the fortnight in Barbados, in a four-star hotel with a swimming pool and a balcony overlooking the sea.  She's surprised by Barbados, since they usually go to Skegness (the town that Chrissy and Ian joked about losing their virginity in back in the '30s).  He adds that there will be dancing every night, and they'll have their own private beach.

Then he tells her about the contest with ten easy questions, a slogan, and three Carter's labels.  He got the entry form and labels at Tesco's, the latter sort of accidentally peeling off as he was passing.  Stanley doesn't do a build up.  He just tells Helen about the contest and how he "accidentally" got the labels at the supermarket.

Mildred/Helen says her husband never wins anything.  George says he did the contest "Find the Eyes of TV Personalities."  She says he got Marty Feldman wrong.  He thinks the eyes looked like Amy Turtle (a Crossroads character who wore glasses).

[Gratuitous video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3vtk7hd2XI&feature=related ]

Stanley:  Couldn't for once you say, "This time he's gonna do it!"
Helen:  Oh, I say that a lot.

George hesitates after reading that he has to put his name and address, so Mildred says that if he can't get that one right, what chance does he have at the other nine?

The scene ends there, while 3'sC continues with things from the next Ropers' scene.  (If you haven't noticed by now, MatH tends to chop things up more, going back and forth more frequently between up and downstairs.)  So let's head back to the upstairs flat for a bit.

Sideways:  In the kitchen, Chrissy is ironing Robin's trousers, while Jo is polishing his suede shoes.  (No, they're not blue.)  He comes in wearing briefs and a shirt.  His razor just stopped, on the day the warranty ran out.  Jo says he can't go to the interview half shaved.  Chrissy says he should walk in sideways, and keep in profile.  Both girls laugh.

Neither of them has a razor.  Chrissy suggests tweezers.  He says that by the time he plucks this half, the other half will have grown back in.  He wants to cancel his interview, but she says she'll borrow a razor from the Ropers.

Slogans:  Back downstairs, George/Stanley wonders what the capital of Ecuador is.  George pronounces it as "Ec-u-a-dor," and at first I thought this was the British pronunciation, ala "Nic-a-ra-gu-a."  But Robin later pronounces the name with just three syllables.  From the settee/couch, where she's got cucumbers on her face again, Mrs. Roper says it's a country.

Even with her eyes covered, Mildred knows when George picks his nose, since he's "always" picking his nose.  (We first heard about his filthy habit on the previous episode, when he was talking about playing the piano.) 

George/Stanley decides to skip the questions for now and just work on the slogan.
George:  Baked beans make delicious starters
        Join the happy band of--
Mildred:  George!
George:  Carter's.

Stanley goes patriotic rather than scatalogical, with "Carter's Beans for the red, white, and blue.  If they're good enough for the Army, they're good enough for you."  Then he salutes.

Someone's at the door, and Mr. Roper has his wife answer it.  Mildred calls George a lazy hound.  Helen says that if they ran a lazy slob contest, Stanley would win easy. 

Brit-Chrissy/Janet wants to borrow a razor.  Mildred says John Benjamin has one, meaning George.  (I can't place the reference, sorry.)  George/Stanley asks if it's for her legs.  Brit-Chrissy/Janet says no, it's for Robin/Jack.  So Stanley says, "Jack's legs?"

Brit-Chrissy says Robin/Jack was using his electric razor and got halfway through when it quit on him.  Mrs. Roper says, "Story of my life."

The razor is in the kitchen, because Mrs. Roper was slicing cucumbers with it.  Her husband goes to get it, although Stanley first makes strangling gestures behind her back. 

The 3'sC scene ends there, but MatH continues with Chrissy saying that Robin would've come down himself, but he's got no trousers on.  Sounding titillated and amused, Mildred says, "Silly boy.  I mean, after all, we're all friends here."

Chrissy says Robin has a job interview and he'd better shave first.  Mildred says, "And he'd better put his trousers on and all."

George returns with the razor, which he says has turned green.  It's a straight razor, so Chrissy looks wary.

Close shave:  Upstairs, Amer-Chrissy is ironing Jack's slacks while he's in his shirt and shorts.  Janet returns with a straight razor, so Jack says he wants to shave, not commit suicide.  Chrissy says she'll shave him.

Jo lathers up Robin's face as Chrissy strops the razor.  Robin would rather shave himself.

Robin/Jack says the Chrissys might cut his ear off.  The Chrissys would say they're sorry.  But Robin/Jack says he wouldn't hear them.  The Chrissys used to shave their grandfather.  Jo/Janet says, "The one without a nose?"  The girls are very amused.

Brit-Chrissy approaches Robin with a shaky hand, teasing him.  He tells her to stop mucking about, but she doesn't.  He runs away.  Jack says, "Forget it, I'll go macho," but Janet stops him from leaving.

Jo has a balloon, a gift from a rich admirer.  Amer-Chrissy finds a balloon left over from "the party."  (At this point, their most recent party was Eleanor's wedding reception.)
Robin:  You don't think you're gonna calm me down by giving me a balloon, do you?
Jack:  You're not gonna bribe with a balloon, are you?

Brit-Chrissy/Janet says that this is the way they train barbers, starting off by shaving balloons.  Robin/Jack says the balloon doesn't need a shave.  Janet/Jo lathers it up.  Robin/Jack says the balloon doesn't have high/interesting cheekbones or a firm yet sensitive chin.
Jo:  No, and it doesn't look terrified either.  Now hold it still!
Janet:  Neither do you.

Brit-Chrissy says this will prove that she has a gentle touch with a cutthroat (meaning the razor).  Amer-Chrissy says to watch and see the delicate little touch she has.  The balloons of course pop.  In America, the shaving cream gets on all three of them, while in England it's just Robin and Chrissy, so Jo laughs.  Robin glares at Chrissy, who looks apologetic. 

In England, they're already ready for adverts, but 3'sC is about to take an unexpected turn.

Living Love:  The modeling studio has a bed prominently featured, and then we see a girl in skimpy outfit of a yellow halter top and a blue miniskirt.  She's brushing her hair.

The photographer is listed in the credits as Harvey and is played by Bill Fiore, who mostly did '70s sitcoms, from Mary Tyler Moore to Alice, although he did pop up twice on Law & Order.  Harvey wonders where "Freddy" is.  They're going to start a new series called Bedroom Playground and they'll be doing a centerfold.  The girl says she hasn't done one in ages.  He says it's not for her, it's for Freddy.
Girl:  How come the guys are getting all the centerfolds?
Harvey:  Equal rights.

She wants to put on her black fishnets and lace garter belt.  He says for this layout, she should just wear her dimples.  She complains that she has a head cold.  He tells her to wear a wig.  She playfully hits him with her brush, then goes to a cubicle to change, undoing her top on the way, so that we can see her white bra.

Jack comes in and immediately apologizes for having no experience, but he says he'll work hard.
Harvey:  What's your name?
Jack:  Jack Tripper.
Harvey:  You've got the job.

Harvey asks if Jack is in good shape.  Jack says he has a 42" chest and a 31" waist.
Harvey:  What about the rest of you?
Jack:  Fantastic.
The audience squeals and claps.

Harvey tells him to take off his clothes.
Jack:  (surprised) Are we modeling bathing suits?
Harvey:  No, birthday suits.
The audience squeals and claps again.

Jack says he thought he was supposed to model clothes.  Harvey asks, "Do you want the job or not?"  Jack says he doesn't want to pose naked.  Offended, Harvey corrects him, "Not naked!  Nude!"  Jack asks the difference, and Harvey says naked is dirty, while nude is art.

Harvey says the magazine is called Living Love. 
Harvey:  You've heard of Playboy?
Jack:  Yeah, sure.
Harvey:  Now you've heard of Living Love.

Harvey asks if Jack is ashamed of his body.  Jack says no but he has certain principles.  Harvey asks if Jack came here to debate or to make ten bucks an hour.  Jack asks, "Where do I get undressed?" and takes off his jacket. 

He walks in on the female model.  We can see her naked legs in a seated position.  Then we see the back of her head.  Jack is very embarrassed and tries to apologize.

Harvey tells him to use the empty cubicle. 
Jack:  Well, see you.
Girl:  You just did.
The audience applauds.

Harvey says that was Sally.  She's played by Sally Kirkland, who was the first nude actress in equity theater, in 1968.  Although we don't actually see much of Sally-the-model, apparently the scene was filmed with her at least partially naked.  Sally-the-actress was 35 at the time of this episode, and now at almost 70 has many stage and screen credits ranging from the 1960s to several not-yet-released films.

Harvey tells her that they'll be using Jack instead of Freddy.  Over the cubicle wall, Sally and Jack call each other cute.  He tells her she can go first.  She says, "We're posing together, silly."  Jack runs out of the cubicle with his slacks and shoes in his hands.  He slides across the floor and Harvey catches him.

Jack:  What about my family?  My friends?
Harvey:  No, I only want you and the girl.
The audience loves this.

Jack worries about his family and friends seeing him.  Harvey says that the way he uses light and shadow, nobody will see Jack's face.  He shows Jack a shot he took yesterday.  Jack's jaw drops.  He counts four people in the picture.  Harvey says it's five.  Jack's pants drop.

And that's where the cliffhanger goes.

IES:  And what of young Robin?  When they return from adverts, we see Robin in a suit, with cuts on the right side of his face.  He's walking along the street.  He goes into a building with a revolving door.  After a pause, he emerges with the doorman, who points him to the right address.

We next see him on a more rundown street.  He comes to a door with a handlettered sign, "International Edducational [sic] Services First Floor."  He looks dubious but decides to try.  He steps on a rubbish bin lid.  He sets it on the bin and then goes in the building.

Then there's a messy office.  Robin knocks and a man tells him to come in.  Robin introduces himself as Mr. Tripp, arriving for his twelve o'clock appointment.  The man tells him to pull up a tea chest and make himself comfortable.

The man introduces himself as Morris Morris.  "I think my parents weally wanted a duplicating machine."  He has a slight speech impediment, with soft R's, although not to Fudd level.  He's played by Peter Jones, then 55, who a few years later would get his most famous role, as "The Book" in radio/television/LP adaptations of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. 

MM says that IES is just starting up in this country.  The parent company in Toledo, Ohio, glass capital of the Midwest, intends to make this office the focal point of their entire European sales drive, "when we get some chairs in."  He talks about educational needs, until Robin guesses it's flogging encyclopedias door to door.

MM asks if Robin has a tea bag.  Since Robin doesn't, MM will reuse the one he's got.  MM says that IES is held in great respect, throughout Toledo, Ohio.  (Toledo is one of those mildly laugh-getting towns-- Klinger on M*A*S*H* was from there-- but it is surprising to see it referenced on such a British show, like if Spike Milligan started making "I'd rather be in Philadelphia" cracks.)  Then MM asks if Robin has milk in his pocket.  (Robin does not say, "No, I'm just happy to see you.")

Trying to talk the jargon, Robin says he doesn't think he'd be good at disseminating  knowledge door to door. 
Morris:  Piece of cake.
Robin:  Sorry, I haven't got one.

MM shows him a form and says that for each sale, Robin would get 25 pounds commission.  He has Robin hold it with his thumbs covering the true hire purchase price.  Robin asks if this isn't dishonest.  MM says it's shrewd psychology.

He gives Robin the complete sales kit.  He says that during the first week, his assistant will accompany Robin on calls.  Then MM admits he's his own assistant, until IES expands its sales force.

He'll call for Robin tomorrow at four.  When Robin points out that'll be Sunday, MM says that all the punters (not very flattering term for "customers") will be at home, the great advantage of a godless society.  He wants Robin to learn the saleman's manual word for word.

Seventeen months:  When 3'sC returns from commercial, Janet is doing paperwork in the living room, presumably for the flower shop.  Jack comes home and she asks him how the modeling job went.  He says, "Terrific, I'm selling encyclopedias."

She asks what happened.  He says they wanted him to pose naked, uh, nude. 
Jack:  They wanted me to take all my clothes off.  Can you imagine?
Janet:  Aw, poor baby, they took one look and turned you down.  (He gives her a look acknowledging the insult.)
Jack:  No, I never gave them the chance.  I walked out on 'em.  How would you like to open up one of those kinky sex magazines and see me lying there?
Janet:  I don't know.  I think you'd look pretty cute with a staple through your navel.

He says he can make more money selling encyclopedias.  When she asks about the rejection, he says there won't be any, not with Morris Morris's selling formula.

When she repeats, "Morris Morris?", he says that's the sales manager.  She says MM sounds like he ought to be selling ditto machines.  He says MM is a real nice guy.  Jack's first week, MM will go around with him and break him in.  And for every $300 set of encyclopedias, Jack will get a $50 commission.

On MatH, there's a close-up of Robin reading the manual, then we see that Chrissy is looking at the other paperwork.  He says that he would greet the potential customer with "Good afternoon, Madam."  She asks what he'd say if it's morning, or a man answers the door.  He says provisions have been made, and he'd substitute "morning" and "Sir."

The episodes sync up more from this point out.  Robin/Jack wants Brit-Chrissy/Janet to pretend to be a potential customer.  So they all stand up and Robin/Jack draws the door  in the air.  He knocks.  She looks through the peekhole, since this is a rough area/neighborhood, Janet slipping into her slight New York accent she gets sometimes on early episodes. 

Robin greets Chrissy with "Good morning stroke afternoon, Madam stroke Sir."  But she hasn't opened the door yet.  He says he's conducting an educational survey and asks if she has any children.  She says, "How dare you?  I'm not even married!  Who's been spreading these filthy rumours?  I'll sue!"

Robin/Jack tells Chrissy/Janet he's inside now.  He remarks on her lovely three-piece suite/living room set.  She's puzzled.
Robin:  The manual tells you what to say, word for word, for every occasion.
Jack:  The manual tells you what to say, step by step, in every occasion.
Chrissy/Janet says, "Really?", Chrissy in particular looking mischievous.

Chrissy/Janet has Robin/Jack sit down.  She sits very close.  As Robin does his spiel, Chrissy puts one hand on his knee, the other on his shoulder, and snuggles up.  Chrissy/Janet exclaims, "My husband's been away at sea for 17 months!", Janet throwing her arms around Jack.  Janet kisses Jack's cheek many times.  He and Robin try to continue.

Chrissy/Janet cries that she's so lonely.  And she starts blowing in Robin/Jack's ear.  He looks turned on but is still trying to continue.

Chrissy/Janet, "I thought your manual was supposed to cover every situation."  Robin/Jack pretends to look it up, Jack saying it's under ear-blowing.  Then Robin yells and tosses the manual aside, flings his arms around Chrissy and his legs over her lap.  Jack throws Janet back on the couch and straddles her.  But he tickles her.  The American audience is particularly delighted, and there are squeals and laughter again.  Both Janet and Brit-Chrissy laugh, but Brit-Chrissy hits Robin and tells him to get off.

Jo/Amer-Chrissy comes home and asks what Robin/Jack is doing.  He says, "I'm selling her a set of encyclopedias."  The American audience applauds.  Jo says that's obvious now that he's explained it.  Brit-Chrissy pushes Robin away, but Jack stays on Janet.  He asks if she's OK, and when she says yes, he says, "Good," but tickles her some more.

On 3'sC, the doorbell rings, so Jack goes towards the door.  Robin/Jack says he needs to practice on somebody.  Jo/Amer-Chrissy says, "Practice on me, it looks like fun."  However, the delivery is very different on the two shows.  Amer-Chrissy says it leaning back on the couch, and he says, "Oh, I'd love to!", with his hands reaching for her.  She pushes him away.

Jo says it calmly, as she says most things.  And Robin does practice on her, in the less fun way.  He indicates the invisible door, with no peekholes.  He knocks.
Robin:  Good afternoon, Madam.
Jo:  Good afternoon.  A set of encyclopedias please.
Robin:  What?
Jo:  No, you'd better make it two sets, just in case I lose one.
Robin:  No, Jo, it doesn't work like that.

George knocks and Robin answers, as Jack answers his door, both of them saying they need a real customer.  When the American audience sees Stanley, they laugh, as if they know where this is going.  George/Stanley wants to know the capital of Ecuador.  Robin says that Istanbul used to be Constantinople, if that's any help, and the modern audience thinks of They Might Be Giants. 

Brit-Chrissy/Janet offers to look up the capital in the encyclopedia.  George says he tried the A to Zed (Guide to London).  Robin says that Ecuador is a little further west than Hounslow.  Stanley says he used to be good at geography, till new countries started popping up every day.

Janet just says that the capital is Quito, but Brit-Chrissy and then Robin read out a bunch of facts about Ecuador.  As George/Stanley leaves, he says that that's a very useful book and he wouldn't mind having one of those.  Jack says, "Yeah, it came in handy, didn't it?"

Robin/Jack says, "Now where was I?" Jo/Amer-Chrissy says that he was saying he needs a real customer.  Robin/Jack realizes, Jack exclaiming, "Roper!"  Jack thinks Roper can be his first customer, and "Ladies, tonight we eat in style."

Sumatran:  Downstairs, George says they'll have the fortnight in Barbados as soon as he posts his entry, while Stanley expects two weeks in Hawaii as soon as he mails his.  Mildred says that he's wasting the stamp.  He got at least one answer wrong.  John Wilkes Booth assassinated Lincoln; he didn't found the Salvation Army.  George says Booth might've done afterwards, and asks who did.  She says probably Amy Turtle.  (It was founded by William and Catherine Booth.)  Helen is cruder, telling Stanley, as he's sealing the envelope, that he's wasting his spit and he'll never win.

George goes out to post the entry, and then Robin comes downstairs with the sales materials.  Jack comes by as Stanley opens the door.  Stanley says, "I'll be right back.  Talk to Mrs. Roper."

Robin knocks and Mildred answers.
Robin:  Good afternoon, Madam, er, Mrs. Roper.  I'm conducting an educational survey.
Mildred:  You'd better come in then.
Jack and Helen have their equivalent exchange with him in the doorway and her on the couch.  He and Robin step in.

Robin asks if Mildred has any children.  She looks at him.  He says sorry.

Robin/Jack compliments Mildred/Helen's lovely three-piece suite/ living room set.  She says it's two-piece and it's horrible.

Jack sits down on the couch next to Helen.  Robin and Mildred sit on the settee together, and she puts her arm behind his shoulder.  Robin/Jack asks Mildred/Helen if she's ever wished she was more informed about epidemiology.  Mildred says, "No, Love."  Robin says she's supposed to say yes. 

Mildred/Helen realizes Robin/Jack is selling encyclopedias, Helen tapping his book.  He says he's not supposed to say so.

Robin/Jack turns to the Sumatran elephant, "a fascinating creature.  It's not generally known but it only mates once a year."  Mildred/Helen says, "I know how it feels."  The American audience squeals.

George/Stanley returns.  He caught the four o'clock post/mail.
Mildred:  Come in, Jumbo.
Helen:  That's nice, Jumbo.
When Mr. Roper questions the new nickname, his wife tells him that Robin/Jack is selling encyclopedias.

Robin says that the set could be George's for the price of 80 cigarettes a day, George says he doesn't smoke 80 cigarettes a day.  (Who does?)   Mildred says he could force himself, then give it up and get the books for nothing, which sounds like Jo-logic.

His wife?:  Speaking of Jo-logic, when Brit-Chrissy says that at 25-pound commission per set, they can all eat again, Jo says, "Then maybe we should buy a set from him."  Chrissy shakes her head and goes to the kitchen.

3'sC does its usual thing of clumping the scenes together rather than going back and forth, so they continue with Jack and the Ropers, but I'll jump back upstairs to the American trio's apartment to make these more parallel.

Janet has an encyclopedia open in front of her face while she's slouched on the couch, so we can't see her expression when she says that one set of encyclopedias means a $50 commission and they can really eat.  When Amer-Chrissy suggests buying a set from Jack, Janet shuts the book and goes to make herself a cup of tea while she figures that out.

Someone knocks/rings, so Jo/Amer-Chrissy answers the door.  The man introduces himself as Morris Morris, so she says, "Hello hello?"  In America, he's played by John Fiedler, who was a mousy little guy, then best known either for his recurring role as Dr. Hartley's patient Mr. Peterson on The Bob Newhart Show or for the voice of Piglet in several adaptations of Winnie the Pooh.  In fact, he did a couple Winnie movies the year of his death, 2005.  He was 52 at the time of this episode and had played a juror in 12 Angry Men (1957).

MM wants to speak to Mr. Tripp/Tripper and asks if she's his "good lady wife," or simply "wife" in America.  She says no but he'll be back soon.

He admires the encyclopedias, so she runs into the kitchen and tells Brit-Chrissy/Janet that there's a man asking about the encyclopedias and he must be a customer.  Janet says they need to keep him here till Jack gets back.

While Jo makes a cup of tea, Brit-Chrissy goes into the lounge.  Both American girls return to the living room.  MM asks if Brit-Chrissy/Janet is Mrs. Tripp/Tripper.  When she says no, he chuckles and says, "Well," like "I'm tolerant of these modern arrangements."

The Morrises, the Chrissys, and Janet admire the encyclopedias, with their hand-tooled leatherette, with edged genuine imitation goldleaf.  ("Genuine imitation" doesn't even get a laugh.)  They're full of information, fully indexed in a separate volume, and comprehensively illustrated throughout.  They're a constant source of pleasure and profit in any home.
Brit-Chrissy:  (confused) Yes, indeed.
Morris:  (confused) Yes, indeed.

Anatomy:  Back downstairs, Robin is now sitting on the settee between the Ropers.  He tells them that the encyclopedias are a constant source of pleasure and profit in any home. 

Stanley sits on Jack's other side, so Robin/Jack shows George/Stanley the anatomy of the human male in full colo(u)r.  Mildred/Helen finds this very interesting, and Helen even takes the book away.  Mildred/Helen says that George/Stanley "doesn't have one of those anymore."  The American audience laughs loudly, squeals, and applauds.  Mrs. Roper is talking about her husband's appendix.

Robin/Jack shows George/Stanley the anatomy of the human female, in full
colo(u)r.  When Robin/Jack flips over to flora & fauna, George/Stanley flips back to female anatomy.  He asks Robin/Jack how much the encyclopedias cost.  Jack grins.

Untrained:  Brit-Morris is now on the settee and Brit-Chrissy hands him the tea that Jo made.  The girls talk about the easy payment plan.  The confusion is cleared up on both shows.  The Morrises say that they'll be making the rounds with Robin/Jack because some of the forms are very complicated.  Brit-Morris puts  seven lumps of sugar in his tea.  When Janet says, "You must be Morris Morris," Amer-Chrissy says, "Janet, how'd you do that?" 

Brit-Chrissy/Janet tells the Morrises that Robin/Jack is downstairs selling a set by himself.  The Morrises are worried since Robin/Jack is untrained.

Congratulations:  Robin/Jack has George/Stanley fill out the forms, but they're indeed complex, and he's not quite sure what he's doing.  The Morrises knock/ring and Mrs. Roper answers.  Amer-Morris is accompanied by the girls.  The Morrises would like a word with Mr. Tripp/Tripper.  Then the Morrises exclaim over the lovely three-piece suite/ living room set.

Robin says that a first sale has just been made.  Jack says, "Mr. Morris, I just made my first sale."  Amer-Chrissy looks particularly happy.  The Morrises check the signatures.
Brit-Morris:  (to Robin) Congwatulations!  You'we the pwoud owneh of a set of IES encyclopedias.  (to George) And you qualify for the 25-pound commission.
Amer-Morris:  (to Jack) Congratulations!  You just bought yourself a set of encyclopedias.  (to Stanley) And you, Sir, qualify for the $50 commission.

George is very happy.  Mildred, in the background, looks confused and upset, Robin just confused.  The episode ends there.

Everyone on 3'sC is confused, except for Stanley, who's of course happy.  Jack wants out of this but MM says that a contract is a contract.  Jack says he made the sale and he wants Mr. Roper to switch signatures, but Mr. Roper doesn't want to lose the $50.  Jack tears up the contract.  MM looks shocked and then disapproving.

Pizza Paradise:  For the 3'sC tag (one that did survive syndication intact), the girls are looking at some papers together.  Jack comes home.  He turned in his encyclopedia case.  "Another day of Morris Morris and I would've gone mad mad."

He got a part-time job as a waiter at the Pizza Paradise.  Chrissy gets to her feet and says she thinks he should've stuck to modeling.  A girl at the office had a copy of Living Love.  She holds the magazine up.  It looks like there's a nude woman on the cover, but the details aren't clear.  (The woman might have a red bikini.)  We can also see a bit of the nudes inside.

Chrissy thinks Jack looks terrific.  She shows the centerfold to Janet.  Jack says that's not him and he never posed. 

Chrissy says that the face is a bit shadowy, but she would know those feet anywhere.  He says those aren't his feet.  They continue with knees and waist.
Chrissy:  (pointing) And that!
Jack:  Chrissy!  (Laughter and applause.)
Chrissy:  Hairy chest, Jack.
Jack:  Those are not my hairs!
Janet:  You don't have to hide it from us.
Chrissy:  Not anymore.

Jack grabs the magazine and tries to play keepaway on the middle of the couch while they're at either end.  And the episode ends there.

Commentary:  Watching 3'sC as a child, it always felt like a peek into a familiar but slightly exotic world.  First it was the "adult" naughtiness, and then it was the increasingly distant 1970sishness.  This is particularly true of the second season, when the show was arguably at its most daring.  Seeing how many of that season's plots were lifted from MatH, I expected that this episode would owe its spiciness to its British sister, but lo and behold, there's not a trace of Living Love on "A Little Knowledge"!

John Ritter was an interesting sex symbol in that, while indeed tall, young, and good-looking, he was also very much the boy-next-door type.  I had a crush on him-- and was hit really hard by his death in 2003, even though I hadn't followed his career much in recent years-- but I think that had as much to do with Jack Tripper's playful personality.  Come and Knock on Our Door goes into John/Jack's appeal, not just sex appeal, for a wide range of fans, but here I'll just note that we have to believe that one, Jack has certain principles he tries to hold to, and two, he's going to be tempted by the money and the flattery that modeling naked, sorry, nude offer.  Jack is an odd mix of conceit and modesty, which can be both annoying and endearing, so it's no wonder his roomies playfully insult him so much.

The porn subplot is probably the best example of 3'sC with its most innocent naughtiness, naughtiest innocence.  This is a world before smut on the Internet, even before "adult video" for the home, on cable and VHS.  "Kinky" does not necessarily have the BDSM connotations it almost inevitably would have later.  A simple orgy of four or five people can be kinky.  Jack is "only" asked to pose with Sally.  And yet, this is a sitcom that aired in primetime, that went into syndication for viewing in after-school hours.  Some things were cut out from the series, but you couldn't cut this subplot without leaving big holes in the middle and end.

The subplot is also very funny.  Bill Fiore is a scene-stealer, even though he underplays everything, except when someone says the word "naked."  His delivery is right on and he plays wonderfully off of Jack's nervousness.  Sally Kirkland is good, too, and I could almost see this as a spin-off in some kinky parallel universe.

Peter Jones's performance is less memorable, but has its moments, like the "godless society" line and the seven lumps of sugar.  He of course has more to do than John Fiedler, due to the structures of the episodes.

The other thing I always treasured this episode for was what it does with the JJST.  Janet, as Jack's practice customer, comes on to him more than in any episode I can think of, and he responds, even if it's in a teasing way.  I'm surprised they didn't do the Brit-Chrissy --> Amer-Chrissy conversion, but it plays better with the savvier roommate giving him a situation he's not ready for.  It's also friskier than Brit-Chrissy usually gets, although it seems like good preparation for Mildred, who's getting flirtier than ever with Robin this season.

There is some flirting between Amer-Chrissy and Jack, not to mention Robin peering down Jo's top.  Jo doesn't have very much to do in this episode, but her moment as a pretend customer is cute.

And somewhere I have a Three's Company trading card with the "couch keepaway" on it, picked up in a thrift store for a buck a few years ago.