The conversion of MatH32 into 3'sC30 by Nicholl, Ross & West is pretty straightforward, although as always with some interesting variations. "Come Fly with Me" aired on 9 October 1975, the week after "How Does Your Garden Grow?", while "Bird Song" aired May 9, 1978, earning #2 in the ratings. (As noted earlier, the "Loni Anderson" episode topped it the next week.)
Vegas: MatH shows the Ropers' budgie as the episode's title appears on the screen, ala the plants with "How Does Your Garden Grow?" Then we cut to Robin playing cards with Larry. Jack and Amer-Larry are also playing cards. This time it's blackjack rather than poker. The Larrys narrate the game, set in Las Vegas, and interestingly Brit-Larry gives Robin the nickname "Diamond Jack," which of course carries over to the U.S.
Robin/Jack goes bust.
Brit-Larry: Talking of busts, how are you making out with the blonde bird at the college?
Amer-Larry: Speaking of busts, how's it going with the blonde in your cooking class?
In the UK, it's "that Swedish bit, Inga," while in the U.S. it's the more respectful "Inga the Swedish girl." Upon hearing that the blonde is Swedish, the Larrys point out that in Sweden even the sandwiches are topless.
The Larrys ask if Inga speaks English. (How on earth would she be attending college in England/America if she couldn't?) Robin says he doesn't know, since the only word he's heard her use is no.
Brit-Larry: If you can't make it with a Swedish bird, you may as well trade it in.
Amer-Larry: If you can't score with a Swedish chick, you might as well turn in your badge.
Robin/Jack says she won't even go out with him.
The Larrys say that Swedish girls like to round off the evening by saying thank you in the nicest possible way. Robin does a good imitation of Brit-Larry saying, "Oh yeah, it's a well-known fact, innit?"
Brit-Larry says, "She ain't gonna round off the evening proper on a Wimpy and chips, is she?" ( http://www.wimpy.uk.com/menu.asp?id=22&mm=1 ) Amer-Larry says Jack has to wine and dine her. A beautiful fox like that isn't going to say thank you for an Egg McMuffin and fries. (Did any McDonald's back then serve breakfast items at the same time as lunch/dinner items? I remember it as being rare until the last few years.)
Brit-Chrissy/Janet comes home. Jack greets Janet with "Hey, Babe." Brit-Chrissy says they were playing cards when she left for work.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says Robin/Jack shouldn't play cards with the Larrys, who are much better cheats. The Larrys resent the remark, and since they're two quid/$3 ahead, they'll leave. Brit-Chrissy/Janet says, "Don't forget your marked cards."
Brit-Larry: (to Robin) I'll buy you a pint later.
Amer-Larry: (to Jack, with "gun" fingers) See you at the Regal Beagle later.
Robin says he's had a very bad morning, and Brit-Chrissy is the only one he can turn to. Jack hugs Janet from behind, then flips her forward, holding her close. He had a lousy morning, and she's the only one he can turn to.
Brit-Chrissy: I've been stuck in a stuffy office all morning and you're asking me for sympathy?
Janet: I've been dealing with maniac customers all morning. Don't come to me for sympathy.
Robin says he doesn't want sympathy, "just a bit of the other." Jack says, "I don't want sympathy. I want affection!", and pulls Janet even closer.
Brit-Chrissy politely says, "Not today, thank you." Since Jack is more aggressive, Janet pushes him into a crouching position and says, "Down boy." She moves away.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet goes in the kitchen and Robin/Jack follows, Jack sticking his tongue out like a dog and waddling behind her. Janet pulls Jack back to his feet when she notices.
Robin/Jack says Brit-Chrissy/Janet gave up her Saturday morning for her boss.
Robin: What I want would only take ten minutes.
Brit-Chrissy: No, it wouldn't. I'm very passionate.
Jack: (with his hand on Janet's shoulder) What I'm after won't take that long.
Janet: Yes, it will, I'm very passionate.
Janet has been peeling a banana, so she sticks part of the banana in Jack's mouth.
Jo/Amer-Chrissy comes in, dressed for bed. She tells Brit-Chrissy/Janet, "You're going to be late for work." Brit-Chrissy/Janet says she's been to work and come back.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says she'd willingly trade places with Jo/Amer-Chrissy.
Jo: Ah, but you don't get a bonus while you're in bed.
Robin: You would've done if you hadn't locked the door.
Amer-Chrissy: You don't get a bonus when you're lying in bed, you know.
Jack: Not when you lock the bedroom door.
Janet's bonus is for working late every night this week and coming in Saturday morning. Brit-Chrissy's is presumably just for this morning.
The boss gave Brit-Chrissy/Janet two tickets for a Frank Sinatra concert, Janet calling the tickets lousy (not because they're for bad seats but because it's Frank Sinatra). The flat/roommates are surprised.
The 3'sC scene continues, but MatH visits the Ropers, so we'll skip ahead to the parallel scene.
Pretty boys: Mildred is in her yellow blouse and banana trousers. George is talking to the budgie, Oscar. (What happened to it being named Arthur? Or was that only in the movie?) Stanley is smiling at the nameless parakeet, whom he calls a pretty little boy. George/Stanley tells the budgie/parakeet that today it'll be getting nice new sand to do its little whoopsies on. Stanley once again tries to get the parakeet to say his name.
Mildred/Helen whistles like a bird. She says it's the only way to get his attention. She'd sprout feathers if she could. George/Stanley says the bird gets lonely. She says she gets lonely, too.
She wants him to talk to her the way he talks to the bird.
George: Who's a pretty boy then?
Stanley: You're a pretty little boy, aren't you?
The American audience applauds.
George tells Mildred, "We're married. There's not a lot to say." Mildred/Helen asks if George/Stanley knows what tomorrow is. He guesses Sunday. What else?
She hints that it only happens once a year. Stanley gasps with wide eyes. Scared, he says, "You don't mean?" George just looks a bit nervous. Mildred/Helen says, "No, not that." Stanley looks relieved.
Mildred says it's a very important day, so George guesses Oscar's birthday.
And again, MatH splits a scene, so we'll pick up where we left off on 3'sC.
Grandad: Someone gave the boss the tickets but he can't go, so he gave them to Brit-Chrissy/Janet. In Janet's case, they're in an envelope hanging from a ribbon, sort of like a necklace. She wears the envelope for most of the episode.
The tickets are for tomorrow night. In England, they're for the Albert Hall. In America, they're at an unspecified venue, front row.
Robin says this isn't a Wimpy and chips. Jack says Frank Sinatra is no Egg McMuffin.
Frank Sinatra does absolutely nothing for Brit-Chrissy/Janet.
Robin: He must do. You're a fully paid-up member of the female sex. It says so on your application form. You've got to like him.
Chrissy: He's a grandad!
Jo: You'll be a grandad one day.
Janet is kind of into Stevie Wonder herself.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet has to wash her hair tomorrow night. (See, it's not daily.)
Robin/Jack wants both tickets, while Jo/Amer-Chrissy thinks it should be one each.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet realizes she's in the catbird seat. She says she'd like a cup of tea/coffee. The flat/roommates scramble to get her a cup, Jack telling Amer-Chrissy, "My department I believe." Then Brit-Chrissy/Janet wants a biscuit/cookie.
Jack: (to Amer-Chrissy) Keep your hands off my cookies!
Robin: (to Jo) Get your hands off my ginger nuts!
(This would be funnier if he was a redhead.)
MatH ends the scene here, although 3'sC continues.
Make the bed: We switch to the British girls' bedroom, where Jo offers to make Chrissy's bed. Still in the kitchen, Amer-Chrissy offers to make Janet's bed. Brit-Chrissy/Janet says she already made her bed. Amer-Chrissy/Jo offers to mess it up and make it for her again.
Brit-Chrissy tells Jo to relax. She'll give them a ticket each but she might as well string Robin along for awhile. He comes in with the tea. Chrissy makes him stir it. The girls smile.
Jack puts one of Janet's feet up on an empty kitchen chair, so Amer-Chrissy does the other foot, putting Janet into painful splits. Janet scoots the chairs closer.
Jack hands Janet the coffee, just the way she likes it, strong with one sugar. Amer-Chrissy and Jack fight over who will stir the coffee. Chrissy feeds Janet the cookie. Jack rubs Janet's shoulders. Chrissy pushes Jack over and rubs one shoulder.
In a Southern-belle accent, Janet says, "My, my, my, this is gonna be a wonderful day."
Anniversary: Back at the Ropers', George guesses tomorrow is Battle of Britain Day. Stanley guesses VJ Day. Even when Mildred/Helen tells her husband that it's their wedding anniversary, he still doesn't immediately understand. Then he says he meant to tie a knot in something to remind him. She says she'd have given him a hand.
Dumplings: There's a scene in the Brit-trio's kitchen that doesn't have an exact American equivalent. Jo is now dressed for the day. Robin offers Chrissy more of whatever he cooked. She says it had too much salt and the potatoes were underdone. As for the dumplings--
Robin: Nobody knocks my dumplings.
Chrissy: I was gonna say they were quite nice.
Jo wants Robin to buy her a drink at the pub.
Robin: Don't you start. You've got nothing I want.
Jo: Oh, thank you.
Robin: That you're likely to give me.
Chrissy suggests he buy them both a drink, which he agrees to.
Before they leave, Chrissy tucks the tickets under the sugar bowl on the table.
Flogged and scalped: 3'sC just hops to the Regal Beagle, although the scene starts with a black couple walking in, before the camera moves over to show Chrissy, Jack, Janet, and Larry, in that order, sitting at the usual table. (As a kid, I noticed a lot of black extras on 3'sC, like in party scenes. They never seemed to have any blacks with speaking roles, at least in the early days.)
Jack says, "By the way, Janet, what did you think about that fabulous dinner I cooked especially for you?" Like Brit-Chrissy, she thinks there was too much salt. He has to accept this because he wants the tickets. He goes to get her another drink.
Amer-Chrissy immediately steals Jack's seat. Then she feeds Janet a peanut.
On MatH, Brit-Chrissy sits at a table with Larry, as Robin and Jo order at the bar.
The Larrys suggest Brit-Chrissy/Janet give the tickets to him and he'll flog/scalp them for 20 quid/ 50 bucks. Amer-Larry says he usually doesn't like people knowing what a soft-hearted guy he is. The Larrys tell a sad story about a little old lady who sells bootlaces/pencils, down by the station/pier. Given the different climate, Amer-Larry leaves out the part about her being out in the rain and the snow, to eke out her pitiful widow's pension. Calling the Larrys "Young Master," she said that her greatest desire/ one remaining wish before she dies is to see Frank Sinatra.
Brit-Chrissy and Janet are skeptical, but Amer-Chrissy seems to believe Larry. Both Chrissys say, "And you'd give her the tickets?", but Brit-Chrissy's delivery is drier of course. Brit-Larry says, "No, I'd flog the tickets to her for 20 quid." It's Janet who says, "No, Chrissy, he'd sell them to her for 50 bucks." Amer-Larry calls Janet hard.
Robin and Jo come over with drinks. Jack returns with Janet's beer. Robin/Jack says he's invested a lot of crawling in the tickets. Jack makes Chrissy move out of his seat.
Brit-Chrissy is offended by the word "crawling." She asks, "What kind of a girl do you think I am?" Robin says she's sweet, kind, and intelligent. Brit-Larry adds warm-hearted and generous.
Robin: Beautiful.
Larry: Radiantly beautiful.
Robin: Incredibly, radiantly beautiful.
Chrissy wants to hear it again, this time with more sincerity. Jo says they're exaggerating. Chrissy says, "No, they're not, but as soon as they start to, I'll stop them."
George/Stanley comes in with a shoebox, as Jack calls Janet "Honey." Stanley sits in Jack's chair, so Jack accidentally ends up in his lap before getting back to his feet.
George asks if they mind he joins them. Brit-Larry says, "Not at all," then invites Jo to play darts. Since Stanley sits down without being invited, Amer-Larry less obviously avoids Mr. Roper, but Amer-Larry invites Amer-Chrissy to play darts, adding, "Don't forget your money." Jack then moves to Larry's chair.
George/Stanley says, "Guess what I've got in the shoebox."
Brit-Chrissy: (to Robin) Try shoes.
Robin: No, no, if they were shoes, he wouldn't bother to ask us."
George gives them the clue that the item has feathers, so Chrissy guesses a duck-billed plimsoll (rubber-soled cloth shoe).
Meanwhile, Jack covers his eyes and says, "Wait, don't tell me. Is it bigger than a breadbox?"
George/Stanley got Mildred/Helen a budgie/parakeet for their anniversary tomorrow. When the kids point out that the Ropers already have a bird, George/Stanley says this is a hen.
George: What I've got at home is a co--
Robin: Boy budgie?
Stanley: What I've got at home is a, a, a--
Jack: Boy parakeet?
George/Stanley figures that as long as he has to buy a present for Mildred/Helen, the bird might as well benefit, too.
Brit-Chrissy: Wouldn't a box of chocolates be better?
George: No, no, he doesn't like chocolates. I thought I might try breeding with her you see.
Robin: (to Chrissy) That's a lot better than a box of chocolates, isn't it?
They both laugh. Then George says there's money in breeding budgies.
Janet: Don't you think flowers or candy would be better?
Stanley: Nah, I thought I might try mating with her.
Jack: (to Janet) Mrs. Roper should like that.
Stanley says it'll be a surprise. Janet says, "I'm sure it will be." She and Jack are trying not to laugh.
George/Stanley wants the kids to keep the bird upstairs until tomorrow. Stanley says, "Thanks a lot. You're a very sweet kid, Janet." She tries to protest, but he leaves.
On MatH, Brit-Larry notices that George drank all of his drink. George smiles sheepishly.
Sandpaper: In the next British scene, the trio come home, talking about the care of budgies. Robin, meaning the cage, says you put a little sandpaper on the bottom. Jo, as she unlocks the door says, "Oh, sounds painful."
Janet and Jack are still at the pub. She says she doesn't know anything about parakeets. He recommends food, water, and a little sandpaper on the bottom. She says, "Oo, that sounds painful." He says he'll take care of the bird.
Pulling at the envelope, he says, "I'd do anything for you and your lovely brown eyes." She says, "You mean for lovely Blue Eyes."
Then he sits up and begs like a dog. He whimpers. Then he licks the side of her face. She likes that and suggests he lick back behind her ear. He says, "You got it," and does so. He tries to get the tickets again, but she stops him.
Then 3'sC goes to a break, but MatH goes into the flat.
Search me: Jo thinks they should get worms and berries for the budgie. Chrissy says those are for wild birds. Jo says they can shake the shoebox before they give the worms and berries to the budgie. Chrissy sends her down to the corner shop for birdseed.
Robin is in the kichen, and Chrissy comes in. She says it seems cruel to keep a bird in the shoebox. Robin says, "What, a fully detached shoebox in a residential area?"
She notices that the tickets are gone, and he's the only one who's been in the kitchen since they went down to the pub. He wants her to search him. She says she'll believe him if he says he hasn't got the tickets, but he insists on being searched. He's in position, hands against the wall, bottom tilted provocatively.
She gives him a quick patdown. He wants more. She reaches around from behind for the front pockets of his jeans. He says, "Be careful, there's a hole in that pocket."
It turns out he hid the tickets in the breadbin for safekeeping. He just likes being searched. He assumes the position again. She spanks him. He's very surprised.
And then MatH goes to a break.
Jewels: MatH returns with another close-up of Oscar, then the camera zooms out.
George/Stanley says he has a surprise for the bird tomorow.
Mildred/Helen comes in. She's just been looking through her jewel/jewelry box, the thing she keeps the elastic/rubber bands and safety pins in.
George/Stanley says she can stop hinting. He got her an anniversary present. She's very happy but wonders what it is. Stanley says, "If I didn't tell the bird, I'm not gonna tell you."
Mildred/Helen wants a hint/clue, like the colo(u)r. George/Stanley says yellow. She says, "Like gold?" He says sort/kind of. She asks if it would go on her finger. He says it might, with a little encouragement.
Mildred calls George a generous man. Helen jumps and then claps her hands with glee. She hugs Stanley and gives him a peck on the cheek. She says, "Oh, you sweet thing!" She plans to make him a nice hot cup of cocoa.
Someone knocks/rings the doorbell. It's Jo/Amer-Chrissy, wanting to talk to Mr. Roper. Mildred calls him a lovely man, blows him a kiss, and goes to the kitchen. Helen says, "There he is! Help yourself." She calls him a generous man, and goes to the kitchen.
Amer-Chrissy says, "Mr. Roper, your wife seems so happy." He replies, "Yeah, she's not herself today."
Jo says that the shop on the corner is closed on Saturday and she needs food for the budgie. Amer-Chrissy also wants bird food. George/Stanley gives Jo/Amer-Chrissy birdseed.
Mildred/Helen returns, Helen apologizing for her manners and asking Amer-Chrissy if she would like a cup of cocoa. Mildred/Helen wonders about the birdseed. George/Stanley says the kids need food, and he puts a handful in his mouth.
Mildred says she'll find the kids something else. After she and Jo leave, George spits out the seeds. Helen looks puzzled, but Stanley says it's delicious. The boy parakeet tweets.
A bird in the hand: Upstairs, Brit-Chrissy and Robin are holding the shoebox together, as Robin looks through the airholes. Jack is the only one holding the American shoebox, and he's laughing, as Janet looks on. Robin says he can see a little beady eye staring back at him. "No, she's turned round." 3'sC avoids this saucy joke.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet wonders if the bird needs anything. Robin chirps and talks to the bird. (Well, he is named Robin.) Jack yells, "Do you need anything?" Robin/Jack pretends to listen, then says the bird wants two tickets to the Frank Sinatra concert.
Jo/Amer-Chrissy returns with half a roast chicken, since Mr. Roper ate the birdseed. Jo elaborates that he ate it because he didn't want Mrs. Roper to think she had a budgie as a present. Brit-Chrissy says, "He wanted her to think she had a budgie as a husband?"
Robin takes the budgie out of the box. The little yellow bird is very cute. Chrissy tells him to hold it gently. He says, "I always do hold birds gently. I'm known for it."
Amer-Chrissy suggests Jack take the parakeet out of the box for fresh air. He does so, but the bird bites him. Janet says, "She knows the hand of a groper when he feels it." It's pretty clear that John Ritter is just miming holding the bird and the show didn't get a live bird, like its sister show did, unlike when we did get to see a live puppy the year before. (And what happened to the tenants not being allowed to have pets in their home? Is it OK if it's to help the landlord?)
Robin tells the bird he'll give her bread crumbs, but she can't eat too many. Pointing at the roast chicken, he says, "This budgie ate too many and look what happened to him." Jack tells the bird to eat enough to get nice and fat "like your friends Janet and Chrissy." Amer-Chrissy tells the bird to bite him again.
Mildred/Helen comes in without knocking. She's brought an apple pie for afters/dessert. Robin/Jack quickly hides the bird under his jumper/jacket.
The pie is homemade and she modestly says it won't be as good as Mr. Tripp's/Jack's.
Robin fidgets and Mildred tries not to stare.
Jack laughs because the bird tickles him. Amer-Chrissy says he's laughing at a joke she told him before Mrs. Roper came in.
Helen: And he's just getting it?
Janet: He's very slow.
The bird chirps, so Jack pretends to be practicing bird calls. Uncertainly, Helen says, "Enjoy your pie." Jack whirls, laughing. Helen says to Janet, "I think he's coming down with something." Then she leaves.
Robin excuses himself to his room. Mildred asks if he's all right. Brit-Chrissy blames the weather.
Jo: Actually, I think he's got something under there he doesn't want you to see.
Mildred: Oho, silly boy!
She leaves. The exchange is characteristic of both women, Jo unable to completely lie, and Mildred still quietly lusting after Robin.
Jack puts the parakeet back in the shoebox, while Robin returns with the budgie. When Robin complains about the bird wriggling, Brit-Chrissy says, "Well, you'd wriggle if someone shoved you up their jumper." The budgie/parakeet apparently pooed inside Robin/Jack's jumper/jacket.
Breakfast in bed: The next morning at 9.30, Brit-Chrissy wakes up annoyed that her alarm clock didn't go off. She demonstrates a ring, trying to teach it. Then it goes off.
Robin comes in with a tray, covering his eyes with the other hand. Brit-Chrissy says that their goodies are well-hidden. Jack knocks before coming in.
The tray contains coffee, toast, and the Sunday paper, and it's for Brit-Chrissy/Janet. Jo/Amer Chrissy asks, "What about me?"
Robin: You make your own.
Jack: Oh, good morning to you, too.
Robin/Jack stirs the coffee, and Robin offers to butter a Marmite soldier. ( http://www.londonfoodfilmfiesta.co.uk/FILMMA~1/Marmite.htm )
Brit-Chrissy: You wouldn't by any chance be after my youthful body?
Robin: No, I wasn't, but if it would please you....
Janet says Jack is still trying to get on her good side. Jack suggestively says, "I think both sides are good."
Janet hands Jack the envelope, but when he looks inside he finds only one ticket. Brit-Chrissy gives Robin only one ticket as well. Brit-Chrissy/Janet gave the other ticket to Jo/Amer-Chrissy.
Robin takes the soldier out of Brit-Chrissy's hand. Robin/Jack takes the tray to Jo/Amer-Chrissy. The American audience claps. Interestingly, Jack gets into both girls' beds when he serves them (hey, be nice), but Robin only gets into Brit-Chrissy's. Brit-Chrissy/Janet asks, "What about me?"
Robin: You get your own.
Jack: There's plenty left in the kitchen.
Jo would like a boiled egg. Brit-Chrissy, disgusted by the turn of events rather than the egg, says, "Oh, charming." Robin says something in French that sounds like it means egg and Marmite.
Janet gets up and makes her way to the living room. She says, "Just like a man, a girl gives you what you want, and you drop her like a hot potata" (with that pronunciation).
Amer-Chrissy refuses to give Jack the ticket. He asks her if she loves her country. She says of course. He starts to tell her about a little Swedish girl.
Chrissy: How little?
Jack: Average. A little more average in some places than others.
He says that to this girl he is America. "If I break my promise, she's gonna go back to Sweden and say that Americans are liars. In Sweden, this sort of thing spreads fast. It's a very small country. Next thing you know, they'll break off relations. No more Nobel prizes, no more operations. All because you didn't give me your ticket." He starts singing "America the Beautiful."
Chrissy gives him the ticket. He says she's a great patriot. She says, "No, I just love a good lie when I hear one." She snort-laughs.
Jack exits to the living room. And someone knocks on the British front door, so Robin goes to answer it.
Don't sit there!: Jack says, "Oh, Frankie, I did it my way." Then he sings a bit of Sinatra's "That's Life." He goes to the phone and punches in the numbers. He turns the receiver into a mic. Then he says, "Hello, Inga." He invites her to the concert and, offscreen, she says yes.
Brit-Larry is here, with flowers. Before seeing who's answering, Larry says, "Morning, Gorgeous." For once, Robin doesn't make a queeny joke. The flowers are for Chrissy, from the Ropers' windowbox.
Brit-Larry sits on the shoebox. Since Amer-Larry doesn't return to the episode after going to the Regal Beagle, it's Jack who sits on the shoebox.
Robin is aghast.
Robin: Larry, you just sat on a budgie.
Larry: (standing up) No, it's a shoebox.
Robin tells him that there was a budgie inside.
Jack looks down and realizes what he's done. You can hear oh-noes from the audience. Jack is horrified. He hangs up and then says, "I'll call you later." The audience murmurs some more.
Brit-Larry says it's cruel to keep a budgie in a shoebox. Robin says it's even crueler to sit on the bloody thing. They listen to the box but they can't hear any breathing. They argue over who should look in the box.
Jack stands up. Janet enters from the kitchen. He points at the box. She puts her ear to the box but doesn't hear any breathing. They argue over who should look inside.
George knocks and lets himself in. Robin hides the box behind his back. George sees the flowers and says, "Oh, they're nice. We've got some like that in our windowbox."
He mentions his present for Mildred and Larry asks about it. (Remember, he was playing darts with Jo at the time.) Larry isn't happy to hear it's a budgie.
Robin hesitates to tell George, and then says that Larry sat on the budgie. The scene ends there.
Stanley rings the doorbell and Janet answers. He says Helen is coming up in a minute, and he wants to give her the parakeet in front of everybody. Jack says the parakeet isn't altogether well.
Stanley: What's wrong with my bird?
Janet: Jack sat on it!
Jack explains that it was accidentally.
(The way Stanley says "bird" and the audience reaction makes it sound like a double entendre. There's a similar joke in Bikini Beach from 1964, and I've never understood it there either. Just as there are words, like "boner," that have taken on new connotations, I think there are some words that have lost meanings over the last few decades.)
Typical male: We briefly switch over to the British kitchen, where the girls are leaving the bedroom, Jo carrying the tray.
Chrissy: Honestly, that's a typical male, give them what they want, and they're away.
Jo: I know, even if it's only a ticket.
Back in the lounge, George is sad. Then he looks in the shoebox and sees that it's empty. Brit-Chrissy comes in and says she let the budgie loose in the bathroom. Jo comes in and says she opened the bathroom window, and accidentally let the budgie out.
George: Oh, that's marvelous, isn't it? First you sit on it and then you sling it out the window. Why don't you flush it down the loo and be done with it?
Robin: Mr. Roper, you're overwrought. Sit down.
Larry: Yeah, pull up a budgie.
Robin tells him to shut up.
Brit-Chrissy says the budgie is definitely gone. Jo says they're very sorry.
George: Mildred gets very sentimental on our wedding anniversary. If I don't give her anything, she'll murder me.
Stanley: If I don't give Helen a present, I'll never hear the end of it.
Brit-Chrissy asks George if he'd like to go and see Frank Sinatra. He says, "What for? He doesn't sell budgies," my favorite line on the episode. She has Robin and Jo turn over their tickets. The British scene ends there.
Helen comes in and Janet looks like she's going to cry. Helen says, "I'm ready for my surprise."
Jack has her close her eyes and put her hand out. She does. He hands Mr. Roper the tickets to give to her.
Like gold: Downstairs later at the Brit-Ropers', she's in a purple pantsuit, putting on her make-up. He's polishing his shoes. She says that the tickets for Sinatra are like gold.
The scene continues in America, with Helen looking at the tickets for Sinatra and saying they're like gold. They're incidentally yellow-colored.
George says he went to a lot of trouble and expense. Helen asks, "Stanley, how did you manage to get them?" Stanley says, "It wasn't easy." The American audience applauds.
Helen wants to take Stanley downstairs so she can pick out the clothes she'll wear to the concert. Mildred/Helen says she can remember swooning over Frankie when she was a teenager. Helen dashes out. Calling after her, Stanley says, "He's not that old, is he?" He laughs and winks at the kids/audience. There's more applause. On MatH, it's just George asking, "He's not that old, is he?"
And then the shows split again.
So much for Inga: Mildred says that when Frankie sang, it was all she could do to keep her bobbysox on. And then she notices a budgie on the railing next door.
George dashes out, although she tells him they'll be late.
Upstairs, Jo is dressed for daytime. She's holding a hand of cards. She keeps telling Robin to hit her, so he keeps giving her cards.
Robin: Jo, you must have more than 21 by now.
Jo: No, I've only got 11.
Robin: Not 21 cards!
Chrissy comes in, her hair in a towel.
Jo says Sinatra would be going into his first number. Robin says Inga would be sitting beside him, melting. Chrissy says, "Inga? You mean the Swedish girl from the college?" When Robin says yes, and he asked her out several times but she always refused, Chrissy says, "She's asked me out several times and I've always refused." He's surprised and says, "She's not, is she?" Chrissy shrugs.
Jo says Mrs. Roper will be enjoying the concert. Chrissy looks out the window and says she doesn't think so.
Then there's an exterior with George up a tree, trying to get the girl budgie. Mildred is annoyed and says they're going to miss the second half as well. George has brought birdseed up to lure the budgie and he ends up spilling it all over Mildred.
And so ends the British episode.
After the Amer-Ropers leave, Janet tells Jack, "Well, Honey, I guess you're not gonna get that thank you from your girlfriend."
Chrissy comes in and says, "I almost forgot about the parakeet." It turns out that the box is empty. She says that she couldn't leave the poor little thing in there all night. She let it loose to fly around in the bathroom. In their case, the parakeet has not flown away.
Jack is so angry at Chrissy that he moves and sounds like Frankenstein. Janet tries to stop him, but he chokes Chrissy with Janet in between them.
The Bump: At the start of the American tag, Stanley is reading the newspaper. Helen comes in wearing her bobbysoxer outfit, including a letter sweater. He says he likes it, without looking up.
She answers the doorbell for Chrissy and Jack. They wish her a happy anniversary and she says, "How sweet!"
They've brought a lady parakeet. Stanley is surprised and says, "It's alive?" Helen says, "No, Stanley, they've given us a dead parakeet."
Stanley says he'll put it in the cage with the other one and they can do what comes naturally.
Helen: What's that, Stanley?
Stanley: You know.
Helen: (to Chrissy and Jack) Would you excuse us? I want Stanley to refresh my memory.
She skips and leads him into the bedroom.
Chrissy and Jack laugh and then do the Bump, saying, "Whee!" Then they exit.
And the American episode ends.
Commentary: Even before the tickets are a temptation, these episodes feature not only RCST but JJST. This isn't the only episode where Jack and Janet use terms of endearment for each other (something Amer-Chrissy doesn't do), but it is one of the more notable ones. Jack calls Janet Babe and Honey, and she calls him Honey. And the way he requests affection is a lot more physical than Robin does in that scene. Janet is right to call him a groper, in contrast to Robin, who's known for his gentleness. When Jack says both sides are good, he's flattering her about the tickets, but sounds sincere.
Robin asks his Chrissy for a bit of the other, and she turns him down just for today. Although Robin is sucking up to Brit-Chrissy at the time, he probably does think she's beautiful, if not incredibly, radiantly beautiful. And of course there's the frisking and spanking. He claims he's not after her youthful body, but if it would help....
Both Brit-Chrissy and Janet claim to be very passionate, which won't exactly discourage Robin and Jack. And we learn that Janet not only likes to blow in Jack's ear but to have him lick behind her ear.
Robin still secondarily lusts after Jo, as the exchange about earning a bonus in bed indicates, and of course this carries over for Jack and Amer-Chrissy. We don't get an equivalent of Robin saying that Jo has nothing he wants, that she's likely to give him, but both men shift their attentions to the other flat/roommate when they realize what happened to the second ticket.
It's notable that Brit-Chrissy doesn't string Jo along but almost immediately lets her in on how she's using Robin, while Janet tries to get what she can out of both roomies. Yes, the ticket-holders are unscrupulous, but it's not like they carry it too far. And they do draw the line at Larry flogging/scalping the tickets, although that would've been a good solution, if it weren't illegal.
Not much to say about the Larrys, other than once again Amer-Larry is a more minor character than his British counterpart. It would take Richard Kline till the fourth season to make his way into the opening credits. "Bird Song" is only Larry's fifth episode of what would eventually be 111. In contrast, Doug Fisher has been an integral part of MatH since series three.
I've lost track of how many times Brit-Chrissy remarks on "a typical male," usually Robin.
Since these episodes feature the budgie and parakeet so prominently, with even a promise of mating, I went back and retroactively tagged a bunch of the episodes and the movie. It's arguable that Roper's bird is more prominent on MatH than on 3'sC, since they got a live bird and the episode ends with George trying to catch the girl budgie. It's clear that both birds are outlets for affection for the husbands, with the wives jealous of the attention. It's not surprising that the British show comes closer to Mr. Roper using the word "cock," particularly considering the visual pun in the closing credits (rooster between two cats).
I'm not sure why they had Jack rather Janet be the one to give the tickets to the Ropers, but it works either way.
I'm with Brit-Chrissy and Janet on the subject of Frank Sinatra. It's nothing to do with him being a granddad, since I'd still give Paul Simon (the singer, not the senator) a tumble. Sinatra is just too Vegasy for me. But I do recognize what a huge star he was, apparently in the U.K. as well as U.S. It must've been nice for NRW not to have to swap out a 50+ British singer for someone the Americans would know about. Sinatra turned 60 the December after "Come Fly with Me" came out, and the title of the episode comes from his 1958 album.
My favorite added moment for the American episode is Jack's speech about Sweden. It is a good lie.
I like that Brit-Swedish-Inga is a lesbian for no particular reason, and Chrissy is completely casual about it. Jack will later date a girl named Inga, on the "skiing" episode, although she seems to be American-born and has no discernible foreign accent.
"Did You Ever Meet Rommel?", which aired on 30 January 1974, had the Ropers celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary. The American version of "No Children, No Dogs" was where those Ropers had their 20th anniversary, and it aired April 7, 1977. For once, the American continuity is closer, although still wrong. And of course, it feels off that Mildred/Helen was young enough to be a bobbysoxer Sinatra fan if she met George/Stanley during the war, although maybe that explains why they waited more than a decade to get married.
No comments:
Post a Comment