"The Party's Over"

As I predicted, the sixth series of Man About the House gets modified credits from the fifth.  The trio are out on the boat, but Robin is steering with Chrissy next to him, as Jo suns herself.  Robin pours two glasses of champagne and hands one to Jo behind him.  Jo sips from her glass.  Robin drinks from the bottle.

Jo puts on suntan lotion.  Chrissy steers and the ride is bumpy, so the lotion bottle falls over and pours into Chrissy's glass.  Chrissy takes a long sip, smiling, until she tastes the lotion.

Jo drinks the rest of her champagne, then tosses the glass.  It hits the diver on the head.  She puts her hands to her cheeks as she laughs.

There's a random swan.

The fisherman throws his cigarette, which falls down Robin's shirt.  Chrissy tries to steer as Robin tries to get the cigarette.  He takes it out of his navel, looks at it, and then throws it away in disgust.

Except for the credits in the first two series, it's kind of weird that we see the trio with a car and a boat, when on the show they're always scrambling for money.  I will say I like these final series credits better than the ones for the penultimate series, since they feel more in character.

Ah, yes, the final series.  We're coming towards the end.  And how does the beginning of the end begin?  Like Chrissy's steering, a bit bumpy.  Not that MatH33 is bad.  It's actually much better written than the American counterpart.  It's just got some oddities, one of which is obvious right from the start, and the other is in the final moments.

But first up, some broadcasting information.  "The Party's Over" aired 25 February 1976.  NRW adapted it, as they so often did, and this time kept the title.  3'sC43 hit number one on Dec. 5, 1978.  The third season of Three's Company began the drift away from verbal humor and towards more slapstick, so perhaps it's not surprising that there are only two MatH-based episodes.  "The Best Laid Plans" is the other one.  Even the episode where the kids think Helen is having an affair with Stanley's buddy Jerry is not based on a British plot.  As for how this episode was Americanized, well, let us proceed.

Fracas:  MatH opens at the White Swan.  A young man with shoulder-length, shaggy brown hair takes a drink to a girl with similiar hair.  An older couple come in, and the man goes to the bar, where Robin has several boxes in front of him.  Robin has a new haircut that's very flattering, and I realize how he's gradually become less scruffy over time, with shorter sideboards, too.  But then we are moving further away from the '60s.

Robin, smoking, does an inventory of the food and alcohol he's getting.  He says, "We don't want a lot of booze 'cause Jo's not with us this with weekend."  First of all, does Jo drink much?  And secondly, where the heck is Jo?  I'll say right now, she never shows up in the episode, and days pass.  There's no explanation of where she's gone.  We know she's still in the series, because she's in the opening credits, and she's mentioned in the synopsis for the next episode.  Was Sally T. out sick?  In contract dispute?  (Joyce DeWitt missed one episode of 3'sC for that reason, so Linda got an extra episode.)  In any case, you'll notice that some of the lines, the Larry ones especially, sound like they were originally for Jo.

Percy the barman:  Why don't I just inform the shareholders that you're gonna make a takeover bid for the brewery?
Robin:  We're just having a couple people round tonight.
Percy:  Oh, really?  W.C. Fields and Dean Martin?
Robin laughs and says it's just a party.

Robin:  Oh, listen, what are those bacon-flavoured things called?
Percy:  Pigs!
Robin means some kind of snack, and he wants a half dozen packets.

The old man taps a coin impatiently on a bottle.

Percy:  Your last party, didn't you have an awful little fracas?
Robin:  Yes, but we're not inviting him this time.
Mr. Roper kept coming up about something, but Robin couldn't hear him through all the noise.

The old man taps again.

Percy says, "Mr. Roper's not my favourite man.  He's mean," in the sense of stingy.  Robin says Mr. Roper never stands a round, in the sense of buying a round of drinks.  Percy says Mr. Roper stands around till someone buys him a drink, and then he goes.

The old man taps yet again.  Percy exclaims, "All right, I shall be with you in a moment!  Customers, they think they're here to be waited on."  Robin laughs.

Rings a bell:  3'sC skips acquiring the booze and snacks, instead opening with Jack just outside the apartment, carying a sixpack in each hand and a box in his arms.  He knocks and calls to Chrissy and Janet.  He rings the doorbell with his nose, and his nose gets caught.

Chrissy answers the door and is amused.  She calls Janet over, and Janet laughs, too. Janet pushes Jack's nose out.  The three roommates go inside.

Olé:  In the Brit-trio's kitchen, Chrissy is working on the hors d'oeuvres, while Larry, smoking, makes sandwiches.  She tells him to butter the bread more quietly, because they don't want the Ropers to hear.  He says, "They're bound to hear as soon as they start dancing.  Not the sandwiches, the people."

She says it'll be a very quiet party, with no dancing, singing, or loud conversation.  With a leer, he says, "That leaves one thing, and that can be pretty noisy."  She doesn't get it and says, "Drinking?"

He comes over and looks at her snacks.  He asks about the two sticks in one sausage.  She says it's a Spanish fighting sausage, and adds an "Olé."

Robin comes home with one of the boxes and calls to Chrissy and Larry for help.  They come in from the kitchen.  She says some people can't carry their liquor.

Jack asks his roommates for help.  Chrissy says, "I always said you couldn't hold your liquor, Jack."  The Amer-girls take the box, as he drops the sixpacks on top.

Jack says his arms have grown six inches.  Chrissy says, "Better than if they grew a foot."  The girls laugh.

Robin says there are more boxes in the hallway, and Jack says there are more downstairs.  Brit-Chrissy/Janet hopes Mr. Roper didn't see him.  Jack says he learned camouflage and stalking when he was a Boy Scout.  Amer-Chrissy asks if he got any merit badges.  "No, but I got a couple of Camp Fire Girls."  He laughs big and stagily.  He trips on his way to the door but says it's an old Boy Scout trick.

Brit-Larry says that there are 38 1/2 people coming, since he sort of half invited one of them.  He also says that Mr. Roper is bound to know they're having a party.  Robin says it'll be too late then.

The Amer-girls carry the box into the kitchen.  Chrissy says Mr. Roper is bound to find out.  Janet says he won't till tonight and then it'll be too late.

Chrissy feels guilty.  (She tends to have a guiltier conscience than the other two, probably due to growing up as a minister's daughter.)  Janet says this is their first party in over a year.   Their friends have been asking them to parties, and if they don't invite them back, they won't have any friends left.  Their social life will dwindle down to nothing, and they'll be living like nuns.  Chrissy cracks, "Would that make Jack a monk?"

Bulk:  In the entryway, George goes through the bottles, mispronouncing the French names, like "Chah-bliss."  Robin sees him and says that the bottles are for the three of them.  It's bulk-buying.  Although Robin tries to discourage him, George offers to help him, by carrying up one bottle.

Jack sneaks down the stairs and grabs a box.  Stanley emerges from his apartment and startles Jack.  Stanley says there's enough wine for a whole party.  Jack says it's cooking wine.  "What are you cooking, an elephant?"  Jack laughs exaggeratedly.  Stanley is more helpful than George, taking up two bottles.

Riot and hooliganism:  Brit-Chrissy looks at the sandwiches, cheese & lettuce and ham.  Larry asks where to put the one with pilchards (sardines), bananas, and peanut butter.  She says out the window.  He takes a bite.

Amer-Chrissy asks if they have any of those bacon-flavored things.  Janet says, "Pigs?

Robin tries to discourage George from coming into the flat, but George gets the door.

Offscreen, Jack loudly says, "Don't come into the kitchen, Mr. Roper."  The girls hide some of the food.

George says it looks like they've been bulk-buying sausages and sandwiches as well.  Robin says it's on the off chance that someone might drop in, "like you."  Larry offers George a sandwich.  George takes a bite.  "You don't fool me, you three are having a--"  He chokes on the sandwich.  Chrissy tells him the contents.  He puts the rest of the sandwich back.

Stanley asks what the food is for.  Jack says it's for eating.  Stanley says the food can't just be for the three of them.  Jack stuffs his face with potato chips.  Stanley asks if Jack is trying to be funny.  With his mouth full, Jack says, "Perish the thought."

Brit-Chrissy/Janet admits that they're throwing a party.  She says there were going to invite the Ropers.  Robin says, "Were we?  Yes, we were." 

Janet asks Amer-Chrissy, "Did you forget to call?"  With big eyes, Chrissy says Jack was supposed to.  Trying to escort Stanley out, Jack says he was just about to call.  "Go downstairs and you'll be just in time to answer your phone."

George:  I told you after the last one, no more parties.
Stanley:  Remember what I told you after the last party, no more parties.

Robin asks if this is because of what that chap did in Mr. Roper's windowbox.  George says it was partly that and partly what the couples did on the stairs.  "It marked the carpet you know.  It won't come out."

Larry says it was only high spirits.  George says, "High spirits?  It used to be called hooliganism before the middle classes took it up."

Jack admits it got a little noisy.  Stanley says it was a riot, and it woke him up.  "You know what it takes to wake me up?  Just ask Mrs. Roper."  Then he thinks better of it.

George/Stanley insists on no parties, Stanley adding, "That's an order from your landlord," and exits.

Brit-Chrissy asks why Robin brought Mr. Roper up.  "I didn't, he just followed me."

Robin/Jack says they'll appeal to a higher court.  Brit-Chrissy/Janet guesses he means Mrs. Roper.

Robin asks who's going to do it.  Brit-Chrissy gives him a look.  Jack asks, "Which one of us is gonna do it, you or Chrissy?"  Amer-Chrissy definitely doesn't want to.  However.

Feathers:  Stanley comes home, but George is already there, talking to Oscar.  Stanley says, "Dumb kids," and the parakeet imitates him.  Stanley smiles and goes over to the bird.  He calls it a good bird, a smart bird.  George/Stanley says he and the bird don't like noisy parties, which make their feathers fall out.  Stanley tells the parakeet to play with its little toy-toy.  And he tries to get it to say Stanley, once again.

Someone knocks and Mr. Roper goes to answer it, Stanley telling the bird, "Excuse me."  It's the Chrissys, who want to talk to Mrs. Roper.

George says Brit-Chrissy is trying to go over his head behind his back.  He discussed the party with her and she's in full agreement with the stand he's taking.  Chrissy still wants to speak to her.  He says Mildred is lying down.  Chrissy says, "When she wakes up."

Stanley invites Amer-Chrissy in before he realizes and says he's on to her. 

George says, "You're wasting your time.  Mildred agrees with me."  The front door opens and Mildred is back from the shops.  He says she would've agreed with him if she'd been here.  She denies that.  The three of them go into the Ropers' flat.

As the door opens on Helen with her purse and a bag of groceries, Stanley says, "I said it's not gonna do you any good.  There's only one boss around here."  Helen comes in and says, "It's not nice to talk about me behind my back."  Amer-Chrissy smiles.

The Chrissys tell Mrs. Roper that there's a party tonight and she's invited.  Mrs. Roper is delighted.  When Mr. Roper objects, his wife asks if that's his final word.  He says yes, so she says, "Good.  Then we won't hear any more from you."  The American audience applauds.

Brit-Chrissy says it'll be about 8.  George tries to protest.  Mildred growls, "Down, George!"  When Chrissy leaves, Mildred says, "See you later, Love."  Chrissy says, "Bye and thanks."

Helen says she'd love to come and thanks for the invitation.  Amer-Chrissy leaves.

Mildred says she'll allow George a five-minute sulk.  Helen says it's just a little party.

George:  Mildred, may I remind you that the wedding service said, "Love, honour, and obey"?  Obey.  It did not say, "Love, honour, and make me look like a berk." 
Mildred:  (holding a zucchini and four bananas) It also said, "With my body, I thee worship."  There has been precious little worship going on round here!

Stanley:  Our wedding service said, "Love, honor, and obey."  It didn't say, "Love, honor, and make Stanley look like a jerk."
Helen:  That's because God had already taken care of that part.

Holding his thumb and forefinger an inch apart, George says, "I feel about that big."  The audience laughs a lot.  Mildred says, "I'm not giving you an argument, George."  He says he lost face in front of the tenants. 
George:  They've been laughing at me up there.
Mildred:  (laughing) And at 8 o'clock, I'll be joining them.

Stanley:  You're making me look foolish in front of the kids.  They're gonna be upstairs laughing at me.
Helen:  And at 8 o'clock, I'll join them.
Stanley:  No, you won't.  You'll be downstairs, in the bedroom with me.
Helen:  What's the difference where I laugh?

Rollers:  In the lounge upstairs, Larry is polishing a glass as Chrissy looks through the albums.  She sees Frank Sinatra (obviously not hers), Elton John, the Stones, and a talk-along with Telly Savalas.  Larry asks about his Bay City Rollers LP.  She says it's broken.  He asks who did it.  She says she doesn't know, but the world is full of music lovers.

She asks if she should play something sexy or something lively.  He says, "It all means the same thing as far as I'm concerned."  Amused, she says, "Oh, I see."

Robin enters from his bedroom.  He says, "Here I am, as irresistible as ever."  He wonders if he should raffle himself off now or later.  (To Larry and Chrissy?  Shouldn't he wait for the guests?)  Chrissy says he should make sure there's enough to eat.  He feels his own arm and says there's plenty there.

Larry:  (to Robin) You been messing around with my Bay City Rollers?
Robin:  I never use them.  I'm naturally wavy.

Chrissy asks, "Robbie, is there enough to eat?", one of the few times she calls him that.  He looks at the sandwiches-- cheese & lettuce, ham & pickle, and--
Robin:  Oh.
Larry:  Yeah, they're mine.
Robin:  I know they are.  Listen, why's that sausage got two sticks in it?
Larry:  Er, that's to please the crowd and weaken it for the kill.

After Larry goes in the kitchen, Chrissy says they won't have to be quiet with Mr. Roper coming to the party.  They have to get him tanked up quickly and stand him in the corner.  Robin says they can hang coats on him.

Frisky:  Downstairs, Mildred wants George to zip up the back of her green dress.  He insists that there won't be a party.  "My mind's made up.  It may be a small thing, but my mind's made up."

Mildred says, "George, I've lived with you all these years for one reason only.  I need someone to zip me up.  Now do it!"  Muttering, he gets up and does it.  She yelps at his roughness.

She says he should go and enjoy himself.  He says he doesn't like enjoying himself.  She tells him to let his hair down for once, "metaphorically speaking of course," one of the occasional references to his balding.

She's taking his whiskey upstairs, and she says since there won't be a party, no one will drink it.  She'll be home about midnight, probably in a frisky mood.

As soon as she exits, he grabs a pen and paper.  He mutters, "I'll give her a frisky mood."  He writes a message that starts out, "PARTY CANCELLED."

Margo and Tom:  3'sC skips over those two scenes and so the next parallel scenes have the Mrs. Ropers at the party.  Except, there are no other guests.

In the flat, Robin, Chrissy, Larry, and Mildred sit around glumly as a psychedelic instrumental plays.  At the apartment, disco music is on.  Janet is pacing, as the others sit.  The British tune ends.  Amer-Chrissy gets up and turns off the record player.

Brit-Larry says, "Have a sandwich, Mrs. R?", yes, with that abbreviation.  She says one was quite enough.  She asks, "Is anyone else coming or is it just me?"  Chrissy says there will be lots of people.  They just haven't turned up yet.

There's silence and then Robin says it's 10 past 10.  Over in America, Helen says it's after 10.

Mildred laughs and says, "Isn't this fun?"  But she's forcing it.

Amer-Chrissy says it's an omen.  If you give a party and no one shows up, it means bad luck is coming your way.  Janet says that's an old wives' tale.  Chrissy says she heard it from Joan Frazier, who's only 24.

Brit-Larry, who's been eating one of his sandwiches, says, "Perhaps we should start without them."  Robin says, "Off you go, good luck."  But when Janet suggests starting the party without them, her friends agree.

Brit-Chrissy/Janet says that she's sure any minute now, all their friends will come pouring/barging through that front door.  Everyone looks at the door, but no one arrives.  Janet says, "Or maybe not."

The last party they had, there were 75 people and the bed collapsed.  Mildred says, "Pardon?" It was all those coats.

Robin says it's now 10 1/2 minutes past 10.  Then, getting to his feet, he says this is ridiculous, and somebody should've arrived by now.  He goes to the window.  He sees Tom and Margo.  Chrissy says they're always the last to arrive.  He says this time they're the first.

Jack goes to the front door and sees a car pulling up.  It's Margo and Tom.  Janet says they're always the last ones to come to a party.  He says this time they're the first, and maybe it's a surprise party.

Robin puts on another psychedelic tune, but a funkier one.  He invites Mrs. Roper to dance.  She twists low.

Jack plays the record and says, "Come on, Mrs. Roper.  We're gonna have a swingin' time.  Get down!"  He tries to be funky, but she dances close.  (So Robin's T-shirt was right.)  She says, "What do we need with other people?"  He plays along and dances cheek to cheek.

Brit-Chrissy says Tom and Margo are going away again.  Robin goes to the window to look.  Then he excuses himself to Mrs. Roper, who keeps dancing, and he exits. 

Then she stops and saunters over to Larry, who's drinking alcohol and eating a sandwich.  She beckons with her finger and dances at him, smiling.  He reluctantly sways a little.

Janet and Amer-Chrissy have gone out the door and they now return, saying that Margo and Tom are getting back in their car.  Jack lets go of Mrs. Roper and calls after Margo and Tom.  Then he heads downstairs.

We see Robin run downstairs to the front door.  He calls out to Tom and Margo.  Then he sees a sign on the outer door:  "PARTY CANCELLED.  ORDER OF LANDLORD."  He takes it down.

Emerging into the darkness in a rather sinister way, George says, "When I say a thing is cancelled, Son, it's cancelled.  I've also disconnected your doorbell, so there."

Mildred and Brit-Chrissy come downstairs.  Robin shows them the sign.  Now George is nervous.  Mildred growls, "This time you've gone too far!  Get in there!"

Over in America, Janet wonders why Margo and Tom left.  Chrissy says maybe they thought they weren't late enough.  Then there's the exchange about 75 people breaking the bed, with Helen intrigued, and then disappointed when she hears about the coats.

Jack returns with a note that was stuck to the staircase downstairs.  Helen recognizes Stanley's handwriting.  She gasps and then says, "Oh no!  This time he's gone too far!"  She gives the note back to Jack and storms out. 

Jack hands the note to Janet, who reads, "Sorry, Folks, party cancelled.  Had to leave town." 

Amer-Chrissy:  Well, that--
Jack:  Go ahead, Chrissy, say it for all of us.
Janet:  Yeah.
Chrissy:  That-- Roper!
They just look at her.

Toad:  Later at the Ropers', Mildred/Helen is packing, Mildred in the lounge, Helen in the bedroom.  George/Stanley claims she's bluffing, like the last time she said she was going to leave him.  Then he says that something's upset her, Stanley adding that that's the only time she stops talking.  George wants to discuss this like rational people.  Mildred/Helen calls her husband a toad.  Stanley says, "Well, that's better.  At least we're communicating."

Mildred is going to her sister.  George says that the sister never did like him.  Mildred says, "No one likes you.  If you had a grain of common sense, you wouldn't like yourself." 

Helen says the party was the straw that broke the camel's back, and she's going to stay with her sister.

Mildred says that this isn't just because of the party.  She's been meaning to leave him since the day he walked down the aisle with two of his fly buttons undone.  The audience laughs a lot.  She says she had to do the buttons up while the vicar wasn't looking.  (During the ceremony?  When would the vicar not be looking at the bridal couple?)  George says, "Is that what you were doing?"

When Mildred closes the lid of her suitcase, she hits his hand, and doesn't apologise.

Out in the entryway, Robin is coming down with a box of booze.  He tells Chrissy that he won't get his money back, since he didn't pay yet, but it'll get the booze off the slate. 

The Ropers exit their apartment, still arguing.  Mildred tells Robin and Chrissy, "Bye-bye, Loves.  I'll drop you a line."  George still acts like she's bluffing, even when she leaves the building.  Then he turns to the kids and says, "Now see what you've done!"

And we break for adverts.

Helen doesn't say goodbye to anyone.  She slams both the bedroom door and the front door.  From the bedroom, Stanley asks, "How far are you gonna carry this bluff?"

And we go to commercial.

Betty:  Upstairs, Jack hangs up and tries another number.  Janet says he's not going to get anybody to come back for a party now.  Amer-Chrissy says, "Yeah, I'm already here, and I don't wanna come."

Jack is calling Betty, whom he says is crazy about him.  He thinks she'll call a couple girlfriends, who'll call a couple fellas.  Jack tells Betty (offscreen) that a practical joker put up the sign.  When he hears she's undressed and in bed, he says, "Well, how about me coming over there right now?"  She hangs up.

Someone knocks and they get their hopes up.  Mr. Roper announces himself.  Janet calls him a fink and doesn't want Jack to let him in.  Jack says, "I'm gonna let him in and then let him have it."  He opens the door.

Jack and Stanley say in sync, "I hope you're happy!  Do you know what you did?"  Then Jack says, "You spoiled our party," as Stanley simultaneously says, "My wife left me."

Stanley says it's their fault, for filling Helen's head with "all those ideas."  He asks, "Why would she leave a man like me if she wasn't crazy?"  Then he says, "Let her stay away."  It'll be a vacation for him.  He can do what he likes.

He's about to leave but then he says he feels hungry.  Helen didn't make him dinner before she left.  He helps himself to the party food.  The trio look on in disbelief.

Foofoo:  Time passes.  Everyone's in a different outfit, and we're in the kitchens.  Robin is cooking in his naughty apron, as Chrissy and Larry sit at the table.  Jack is sampling the dish he's making, as Amer-Chrissy sits at the table.

Janet enters the kitchen, having finished answering Mrs. Roper's letter.  Brit-Chrissy is writing to Mrs. Roper, telling her that "we're well and Mr. Roper's well."  Robin says, "You could mention that we're thinking of leaving him, too."

Robin also says Brit-Chrissy has been encouraging Mr. Roper by saying hello.

Brit-Chrissy/Janet says Mrs. Roper says she's coming back when pigs grow wings.  Annoyed, Robin says, "That could be weeks."  This ends up as a spacy Amer-Chrissy line and gets applause.

Robin says Mr. Roper was whining, sighing, and groaning last night.  Brit-Chrissy says, "Perhaps we should've let him in."  Robin says they let him in Wednesday and he left Thursday.  He does a good imitation of Mr. Roper telling a war story.

Robin calls Mr. Roper such a bore.  Larry points out that Mr. Roper hasn't shaved in a week.  Robin says he's a hairy bore.

Brit-Chrissy wonders where the envelopes are.  Robin says they're in Foofoo the Frog, Jo's pyjama case.  Jo doesn't wear pyjamas, which is why she keeps her envelopes in there.  Chrissy says, "Of course."  Clearly, this was meant to be a quirky Jo explanation that they ended up giving to Robin.

Robin says that the last time Mr. Roper came round, he had a knife and fork sticking out of his breast pocket. 

After Amer-Chrissy goes into the living room, Jack says Mr. Roper is up here all the time.  Janet is going to mail the letter, so he follows her into the living room.  He says he doesn't want Roper mooching off more meals from them.  Janet says that Jack was the one who invited him up here last time.  Jack says he had to, since Mr. Roper was standing there with a knife and fork sticking out of his shirt pocket.

In an unusually sensitive moment, Larry says that Mr. Roper comes up here because he's sort of lost.  Robin says, "He thinks this is his flat?"

Mr. Roper knocks and calls to them.  Robin nicknames him the lonely vagabond.  Without knocking, Stanley calls, "Anybody home?"

Robin and Brit-Larry hide behind the settee.  Jack and Amer-Chrissy hide behind the sofa. 

Brit-Chrissy answers the door.  George is unshaven with messy hair.  His shirt is untucked, with the bottom button undone. 

Stanley lets himself in.  He says, "Did somebody say, 'Come in'?"  His hair is rumpled and he's wearing a bathrobe over his clothes, but he doesn't look as bad as George.

Brit-Chrissy says she's on her way out to the post.  Janet says she's going to mail a letter.  They exit.

George comes in and sees Robin and Brit-Larry.  Stanley steps in and sees Jack and Amer-Chrissy.
Amer-Chrissy:  (whispering) Is he gone yet?
Stanley:  (whispering) No.

Robin/Jack claims that they were looking for his sock, which rolled away.  It was in a ball.

George/Stanley says he thought they might like some company.  Robin says they've got plenty of company.  "Somebody has been up here every night of the week.  You."  Jack says that's nice but they're very busy.

George/Stanley follows Robin/Jack into the kitchen and says that the dish Robin/Jack is cooking smells good.  Robin/Jack says there's only enough for three. 

George says he's not looking for charity.  Robin says, "You've come to the right place.  We haven't got any." 

George says he has bread & scrape, eggs, and a bit of cocoa.  Robin says George can make a cocoa omelet.  Stanley has peanut butter, bread, and a knife.

George burns his tongue sampling Robin's dish.

Brit-Larry comes in and says he couldn't find Robin's sock. 
Larry:  I brought you a glass of vino instead.
Robin:  I won't be able to put my foot in it, but thanks anyway.
George:  I haven't had a glass of wine in a long time.
Robin:  Well, keep up the the good work.

George takes awhile to leave.  Robin tells him to enjoy the cocoa omelet.

Stanley again tells Jack that the food smells good.  Leaning close, Jack says, "So do you.  What are you wearing?"  The audience applauds.  Stanley backs away and says he has to go.  Jack says, "So soon?"

As Amer-Chrissy comes in, Jack seasons the dish, and Mr. Roper sneaks a chicken leg into his robe.  After he leaves, Chrissy says, amused, "Mr. Roper's starting a new takeout business....I've heard of chicken in a bucket, but I've never seen chicken in a pocket."  Jack is confused.

Missing her:  Brit-Chrissy returns as George comes downstairs.  Stanley comes downstairs, eating chicken, which he hides in his robe pocket again when he sees Janet.  Stanley asks Janet if she mailed her letter OK, and she tells him how easy it was.

George invites Brit-Chrissy in for a chat.  Stanley wants to talk to Janet privately.  Both girls are reluctant, but they give in because they feel sorry for Mr. Roper.

The flat and apartment are very messy, with newspapers everywhere.  George says the flat needs a woman's touch, and Mildred did keep the place tidy.  Stanley says Helen really used to keep the apartment neat.

Brit-Chrissy/Janet says that George/Stanley misses his wife.  He denies it but says the bird does.  (On 3'sC, there's a close-up of the parakeet, which chirps.)  George/Stanley hears the bird at night, laying awake, missing Mrs. Roper.  Stanley adds the detail that the bird tosses and turns.

Brit-Chrissy:  I expect he's quite fond of her, really.
George:  He didn't realise till she was gone how fond of her he was.

Janet:  He likes her, huh?
Stanley:  Now that she's gone, he realizes how much he likes her.

Brit-Chrissy:  He could telephone her, ask her to come back.
George:  No, I don't let him use the phone.
Chrissy:  But you could phone, if only for his sake.
George:  No, if I did that, she'd think it was me, and she hates me.
Chrissy:  Oh, she doesn't hate you.  She may be a bit bored with you, a bit fed up.  She may even dislike you a bit, or even a lot.
George:  You keep going, you'll work your way back to hate.

Janet:  How about a telephone call, asking her to come back?
Stanley:  I don't let him use the phone.
Janet:  Well, uh, you could call her.  You know, for his sake.

George:  I mean, be honest.  If you were Mildred, would you come back to me?
Brit-Chrissy:  Well, not the way you look at the moment.  But if you smartened yourself up, had a shave.  Have you got a clean shirt?
George:  You'd come back then?
Chrissy:  I wouldn't, but she might.
He asks if he's let himself go a bit.  She nods.

Stanley:  Janet, tell me something.  If you were Helen, would you come back to me? 
Janet:  No.  Well, uh, I mean, not the way you're looking now.  (stroking his hair) But, um, if you combed your hair, you know.  (stroking his back) And, uh, you got all dressed up.
Stanley:  Then you'd come back?
Janet:  I wouldn't.  Uh, but she might.  Sure, she might.
He smooths his hair and looks hopeful.

Einstein:  Upstairs in the kids' flat later, Larry sits at the kitchen table.  Robin, annoyed, says the meal is piping hot, but where is she?  "Gallivanting to the post box."  Larry tells him not to get his pinny (apron) in a twist.  Robin exclaims, "My father was right!  They don't deserve good food!"

Brit-Chrissy comes in and says she's just been speaking to Mr. Roper.  Robin says, "What?  Alone, unaided?  Sit down, I'll get you a brandy."

As Robin dishes up the food, Chrissy says that Mr. Roper is a proud man.  She doesn't know what he's proud of, but he is.  He told her he'll ask his wife to come back after she's come back, and not before.
Larry:  That don't make sense.
Robin:  If it doesn't make sense to Einstein here, what chance have the rest of us got?
Larry:  (sarcastically) Oh, nice.
I'm guessing that this exchange, perhaps in a slightly different form, was originally for Jo and Robin.

Chrissy says they'll have to do something.  Robin suggests "arsenic in his bread & scrape, or the merciful bullet."  She goes to phone Mrs. Roper.

Overall:  At least a week has passed, but the long-brown-haired young couple are still at (or back at) the White Swan, now playing darts.  The older couple are sitting at the back of the bar.  You go, British extras!  (My all-time favorite sitcom-extras moment is in a Brady Bunch episode, where the same students repeatedly walk by Marcia and her boyfriend.)

George comes in with a bouquet of yellow flowers.  He's shaven and nicely dressed.  He goes to the bar, where a mousy middle-aged woman is sitting.  Percy says, "Mr. Roper, you look quite presentable.  What happened?"  George orders a drink and tells Percy to have one himself.  Percy says, "It is Mr. Roper, isn't it?"

George says he's off to see his wife, give her a bit of a surprise.  Then he says they'd better make the drink a huge one, for him.  Mildred is staying with her sister for a few days, till she learns her lesson.  The flowers are for her.  Percy says, "Oh my.  And I'd thought I clicked."

George will have a quick couple of these drinks and then he's off to Purley.   (That Mildred's sister lives in Purley was established on "We Shall Not Be Moved.") He won't crawl.  Percy says the bus is much the best way.  They both drink.

George:  You're coming with me, Woman.  No argument, you'll do as you're told.
Mousy woman:  I beg your pardon?
He apologises.

She's the woman from the pet shop.  He didn't recognise her with her clothes on, meaning she usually wears an overall.  She says she's Mrs. Hollins and asks after his "little Whatshisname."  George is embarrassed, till she remembers the name, Oscar.  George says Oscar is all right, a bit lonely this time of year.  She says, "Aren't we all?"

He says, "Another Scotch, Percy."  Then he offers to buy her a drink.  She asks for a large Snowball, which is a cocktail.  She's played by Hilda Braid, who would go on to do 210 episodes of Eastenders in her 70s.

Smock:  Things go differently on 3'sC, in part because they're not using the Regal Beagle set this week.  After Janet's pep talk, the scene fades and then reopens on the Ropers' living room.  Stanley enters from his bedroom.  His hair is combed and he's wearing plaid pants, a pink leisure-suity jacket, a wide-lapeled brown shirt, and a white undershirt.  The audience laughs, whistles, and oohs.

The bird whistles, too.  Stanley smiles and goes over to it.  He says, "I look good, huh?"  He says he's going to bring Helen back from her sister's.  She'll come out and say, "Oh, Stanley!"  He continues, "And I'm gonna say, 'Helen, I love you.' "  He surprises himself, then says, "Yeah, what the hell.  'Helen, I love you.'  I'm gonna go to the door," he opens his actual door, "and I'm gonna say, 'You're coming with me, Woman.' "

On the other side of the door is a middle-aged woman with blonde curly hair.  She's holding a little paper bag.  He recognizes her from the pet shop, Mrs. Hollins.  He says he didn't recognize her at first with her clothes on.  "I mean, I usually see you in that smock."

Diana Herbert debuted at 17 in Margie (1946) and is still working to this day, although now it tends to be as aunts and grandmothers.  Her Mrs. Hollins is more attractive than Hilda Braid's, but I think this is deliberate.

Mrs. Hollins says, "You left this behind at the shop.  It's the vitamins for your parakeet."  She asks after the parakeet and Stanley says, "I'm lonely.  I mean, he's lonely."  She wants to look at the poor little thing, so they go over to the cage.

Gurgling:  Upstairs in the flat, Mildred is in the armchair, while Chrissy serves  her tea.  Robin and Larry are on the settee.  At the Amer-trio's apartment, the women are sitting on the couch, while Jack leans over them.  Helen says she was so happy when they called.

On the subject of Mr. Roper missing his wife, Robin says that at night they hear gurgling sounds from downstairs.  Larry says, "Nah, that's the lavatory."  On 3'sC, these lines surprisingly go to Janet (with "gurgling sobs") and Helen (with "the toilet").  Robin/Janet says that the gurgling was from Mr. Roper, who's not the man he used to be.  Mildred/Helen says, "He never was."

Brit-Chrissy:  Mrs. Roper, he said to me, the only one I've ever loved has left me.
Mildred:  Oho, has his budgie escaped then?
She's skeptical and wants to know his exact words.
Chrissy:  "I miss the old bag."
Mildred:  That sounds like him.

Larry says, "He did say he missed you."  Robin says she must've missed Mr. Roper a bit.  She says she's used to him, like a toothache. 
Robin:  Imagine life without him.  I mean, never to see him.  I grant you, it sounds attractive.
Larry:  It certainly does.
Chrissy:  Only to us, not necessarily to Mrs. Roper.

In America, this is all shortened to Chrissy saying, "The important thing is that he misses you."

Mildred/Helen says maybe she a was a bit hasty.  Brit-Chrissy says, "Don't upset yourself.  He's not worth it.  Well, yes, he is worth it."  The men agree.  On 3'sC, Helen wonders if Stanley is worth it.  Jack says, "Of course he is." 
Mildred:  No, he's not, but he's all I've got.
Helen:  No, he's not, but he's mine.

Mildred says they've talked her into it.  She stands up, looking determined.

Love means...:  Downstairs, Stanley is pacing.  George is talking to Oscar.  He says, "They'd never let me see her.  The sister, the husband, the goldfish.  They do not like me."  Although, based on previous mentions, he's probably right about his in-laws, he's clearly drunk at the moment.  He pours himself another drink.  He again says, "They'd never let me see her."

Mildred/Helen enters.  Not seeing her, George says he's come home to Oscar, "me only friend."  Moved, Mildred says, "He's not your only friend, George."  They call each other's names a few times.  She goes to him.

Mildred/Helen doesn't want her husband to say anything, just listen.  Mildred says, "You can't help being the way you are."  Perhaps she could've tried harder to understand.

Mildred:  When two people love each other, George, does it really matter whether they like each other?  You know, I mean all the time?  I mean, isn't that what love is all about?
Helen:  If two people love each other, does it matter whether they like each other?  I mean, I mean, all the time.  Isn't that what love is all about?

And then, Brit-Mrs.-Hollins enters from the bedroom, with a cigarette.  She's not wearing a blouse, so we see her bra!  She says, "Make mine a large one, Dear."  Then she sees Mildred and is startled.  Mildred is understandably outraged.

Brit-Larry and Robin are listening outside the door, as Chrissy sits on the stairs.  Larry is smoking.  We hear Mildred demand, "How dare you bring another woman into my house?"  Mrs. Hollins says something about his little budgie.  Then plates break. Not for the first time, Mildred calls George a dirty little devil.  Robin thinks things are back to normal.  Chrissy says, "Definitely back to normal."

And the episode ends there!

On 3'sC, Mrs. Hollins comes in from the kitchen, fully dressed, saying, "Here we are, nothing like some vitamins to pep a fellow up." 
Helen:  (confused rather than jealous) Oh, I didn't know you had company.
Stanley:  Helen, I can explain.
Mrs. Hollins:  I'm Mrs. Hollins.  I just came over to see his little friend.

Helen blinks, speechless.  As Stanley pushes Mrs. Hollins out, he says, "It's not what you think." 
Mrs. Hollins:  (exiting) Nice meeting you.
Helen:  Likewise.

Stanley:  Helen, before you lose your temper, you gotta believe me, nothing happened!
Helen:  I know.
Stanley: You don't know!  I'm a man!  I'm capable!
Helen:  Given time.
Stanley:  You caught me with another woman.  You should be shocked!  And upset!
Helen:  OK, so I'm shocked and upset.
Stanley:  That's better.

Helen says she didn't come back home to fight with him.  She came back to forgive and forget.  He smiles and thanks her.  He says, "I'm glad you came back."  He hesitantly kisses her.  The audience applauds.

She smiles and says, "Thank you, Stanley."  She says the best part of a fight is the making up.  She tells him, "Come on, Lover."  He says, "I knew there was a catch to it."  She takes his hand and leads him to the bedroom.  We see his hand grab the doorframe, but she keeps pulling until his hand lets go.

Bride and bribery:  In the American tag, everyone is sitting on or by the couch, the trio grinning, as Mrs. Roper talks about her husband.  She says, "These last few days have been fantastic!  Stanley's been so attentive and so loving and so romantic!  I feel like a bride on her honeymoon!"  No one points out that she spent her honeymoon playing Monopoly.

Janet says this is wonderful, and Chrissy says, "I'm happy for you." 

Helen says she got Stanley to let them have their party.  Jack asks how.  It was bribery:  a night off.  The trio are amused.

And the episode ends.

Commentary:  We don't know exactly what happens with the British versions of Mr. Roper and Mrs. Hollins, but it at least involves her taking off her blouse.  I think they deliberately made her mousy in order to add to the shock factor.  It's unclear if she's married, widowed, or divorced, but he of course is married.  True, his wife has left him, but he was supposed to be going to collect her from her sister's, whether or not the in-laws dislike him. 

We can be pretty sure that the American Mr. Roper did nothing but look at his bird with Mrs. Hollins, and, no, "bird" is not a euphemism here.  Stanley is capable, but he seems genuinely less interested in sex and romance than George is.  While Helen glows with his attentions, he is clearly reluctant to go in the bedroom with her, and he's later happy to have a night off.  George, if you get him liquored up enough, can be rather amorous.

The borderline adultery aside, the British episode is better, mostly because of the humour, like the absurdism of the dancing sandwiches and the Spanish fighting sausage.  Even Robin's line about putting his foot in a glass of wine is whimsical.  I also like the turn of phrase "the merciful bullet."  The Robin-as-annoyed-housewife bit is cute.  And I like how many funny lines Percy gets.  Jim the bartender never gets to be funny.

When Janet says that this is the first party they've had in over a year, she's apparently not counting the party on "Three's Christmas," perhaps because no one showed up at that one.  It was slightly less than a year ago.  The party previous to that was the one on "Strange Bedfellows," but Janet and Amer-Chrissy weren't there, as it was a party Jack threw while they were out of town.  The party with the 75 coats must've been in between episodes.

As for the Brits, the last party we saw them throw was on "While the Cat's Away," back in January 1974.  It did seem like a wild enough party for Mr. Roper to forbid them having another, although I don't think there were 75 people.  It's likely that they, too, had a party in between episodes.

George makes another of his comments about the middle class, this time about how they took up hooliganism, presumably in the 1960s.

A "berk" is not exactly equivalent to a "jerk," since it's Cockney rhyming slang for "cunt," from "Berkeley hunt."  But there's no comparable American term, and the change of one letter works.

There's another suggestion that Mildred masturbates, since she's holding five phallic symbols when she complains that George doesn't worship her body enough.  This episode continues Mildred's half-joking suspicion that her husband loves the budgie more than he loves her.

Jack is more cooperative with Mrs. Roper's advances than Robin is, but then Helen is less aggressive than Mildred sometimes is towards Robin.

The British episode has another example of Chrissy being too innocent to get something, like Mr. Roper's curly hair on the "wig" episode, this time her not realising the noisy activity Larry's thinking of.  I like that Larry and Chrissy get some moments together on their own, and seem to be getting along, an unexpected benefit to the Jo-less-ness.

The scenes between Brit-Chrissy & George and Janet & Stanley are sweet, particularly the way Chrissy keeps putting her foot in her mouth, as she later does with Mrs. Roper.

It's cool that all the celebrities mentioned on MatH are ones that Americans (at least in the '70s) would be familiar with, no need for me to resort to Wikipedia this time.  The Bay City Rollers feel too teenybopper for Larry's taste, but who knows.

A quick note on the new closing credits for MatH.  They've added pictures of keychains for the trio.  Robin's says, "MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR," suggesting that his view of free love is a carryover from the '60s.  Chrissy's is the letter C and a red heart.  Jo has the letter J and a picture of a blond man holding an animal.  The keychains are all together at the end, and Robin and Chrissy get theirs individually, but Sally Thomsett's name is omitted here.  We'll see what happens next week....