The penultimate episode of MatH does not take its title from the Bob Seger song, because the album that was on wasn't released till Oct. 22nd, 1976, and this aired on 31 March of that year. I suspect there are other songs with that title though, and in any case it's an old term, often applied to lust. As we'll see here, it is both figurative and literal.
Art: The episode opens in the bathroom, as Robin paints the ceiling and Chrissy does her mascara. She complains of the terrible pong (smell) of the paint.
Robin: Oh, charming. What would happen to the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel if Toulouse-Lautrec's missus had said that?
Chrissy: Michelangelo painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Toulouse-Lautrec did the skirting board.
Robin says they probably wouldn't have given him the big jobs after he cut his ear off (like Van Gogh).
She tells him that he knows nothing about art, and Norman does. He says he figured that name would crop up. She says Norman took her round the National. Robin is surprised the fences didn't get in the way. (I know she's talking about the National Gallery in London, but I'm not sure if he's referring to a racecourse or what.)
He says that for the last couple months it's been Norman, Norman, Norman. It's 1066 all over again.
Since he's sick of hearing Norman's name, she says that Mr. X is picking her up at one o'clock.
She goes into the kitchen, where Jo is reading sentimental love letters that turn out to be Chrissy's. Jo says Norman writes every single day. At 8 1/2p, it's got to be love. Chrissy says she'll have to hide the letters. Jo suggests Chrissy put them under her pillow with the rest of them. "I'd never think of looking there."
Robin comes in. After Chrissy refers to Mr. X a few times, he exclaims, "Stop talking about Mr. X!"
Chrissy tells Robin she's cooking Norman a meal.
Robin: I thought you liked him.
Chrissy: Anybody can cook. It's just a matter of thawing things out.
Robin is disgusted.
Chestnuts: Meanwhile, Mr. Roper is trying to figure out how to unblock his fireplace. He says it's not an occasion for brute force. His wife says that's good because that's not his strong point.
He says that when he was a kid, they'd have a big blazing open fire. "Me dad used to stand in front of it, roasting his chestnuts." Ahem. George's old granny said she could see pictures in the dancing flames. "They took her away in the end."
Mildred says he's not fooling her. He's nostalgic because of the forty-pound gas bill. He says he never did like central heating. It makes funny gurgling noises in the night.
Mildred: I thought that was you.
George: It switches off just when you need it.
Mildred: Now that is you.
He says that North Sea Gas smells of seaweed. She says sometimes she can see his granny in him.
Speckled: When Jo opens the door to Norman, she calls to Chrissy, "It's Mr. X."
Chrissy greets Norman with a peck on the cheek. He's holding a box and he says, "I brought you these." She says she'll put them in water, but he says they're chocolates.
Jo goes in the kitchen and tells Robin that Chrissy goes to pieces when Norman comes in. Robin enters the lounge and he and Norman say hello. Then Robin asks when Norman is going back to Southampton. (So he does live there! Not with the parents I assume.)
Chrissy: Robin!
Robin: The settee is still warm from the last time he was here.
Putting his arm on Robin's shoulder, Norman says, "If you've got something to say to me, say it now." Robin just says, "Hmph," because that's all he's got to say at the moment.
Chrissy goes to get her coat, telling them to try to be friends, for her sake.
Norman tells Robin that Chrissy's going to show him a few places he hasn't seen. "In London that is."
Robin tells Norman that if anybody messed Chrissy about, he'd kick him up his speckled grey trousers. Norman is of course wearing speckled grey trousers. Norman says, "I'd join you."
Norman: Now, look, Robin, is there anything between you and Chrissy?
Robin: Yeah. You.
Norman says may the best man win. Robin complains that that isn't fair.
Norman: You lack confidence. You've got to have confidence in yourself, however misplaced. You take after Dad in that respect.
Robin: Dad?
Norman: Yeah, he hasn't any confidence in you either.
Chrissy returns. Robin says they tried to be friends. "Well, I have. He hasn't."
Chrissy: How do you think a girl feels having two grown men fighting over her?
Robin: I don't know.
Chrissy: Absolutely marvelous. But stop it! I like both of you.
Norman: You're absolutely right. It was very silly, childish, and petty. And my own attitude hasn't been much better. (He laughs.)
Robin: He's at it again!
Fire down below: Downstairs, George is now putting little bits of wood in the fireplace. Mildred enters with a bucket of coal, saying she's not going to do this every day.
She thinks they need a new central heating system. She shows him some pamphlets. He puts them in the fireplace.
He says they used to have to cart in great big lumps of coal. There were eight of them. (Back on "Cuckoo in the Nest," George said his mum brought up eight kids on 30 bob a week. I don't know if this means she became a widow, or if she's the one who managed the money.)
George: And every now and then, Dad used to reach out and throw one on the fire.
Mildred: Lumps of coal or kids?
George says it was coal, except when he'd had a few (drinks). They had logs as well, after the Council planted trees in their street.
He lights the fire. It immediately starts smoking. The audience laughs a lot. Mildred coughs from the smoke.
Tour: Against a very popular instrumental whose title escapes me (but you might know it when you hear it, especially if you're over 40), we get a montage of Chrissy and Norman having romantic moments in London. They walk hand in hand and/or with arms around each other through a park, past pigeons and near ducks. He kisses her by a fountain.
Then they begin a voiceover, as she gives a tongue-in-cheek tour of London. They look down on the city and she points to a building that's the British Museum, the Bank of England, or possibly Harrod's. He says, "You've been swotting up on this, haven't you?", meaning studying up. She says it's important to get things straight. Then she points to the Post Office Tower, originally built by Henry VIII for one of his wives. "I think it was Annette Crosbie." (She won a BAFTA for her role as Catherine of Aragon in the 1970 television programme The Six Wives of Henry VIII.) Norman and Chrissy laugh and he pulls her close.
They sit at an outdoor cafe and she points to Cleopatra's Needle.
Norman: You've got a lovely little nose, did you know that?
Chrissy: It was towed all the way from Egypt on a barge.
He kisses her nose.
She tells him that if the ravens ever leave the Tower of London, England will sink into the sea.
Norman: What ravens?
Chrissy: Oh well, can you swim?
They run against a red light, holding their coats. They approach a statue of Eros, whom Norman says was the God of Traffic Congestion.
They go to Trafalgar Square, and she says that there's a legend that if you throw a copper in the fountain, you get arrested. I assume this is a pun on two meanings of "copper": copper penny and cop.
Patchy: We cut to a radio playing the instrumental. Robin is painting one of the walls of the bathroom. Jo comes in with a cup of something. She tells him he's painting over the mirror. He says he's taken the mirror down. He turns off the radio.
He thinks he should've sized this before he started painting. She looks at the bathroom and estimates 9 foot by 7. She says the paint is all patchy. He says he should've used a roll-on. She says, "No, suspenders would've scratched the wall." (A pantyhose joke? I'm not sure.)
He suggests she paint the bathroom, but when she says OK, he says no, painting isn't one of her strong points. They go in the kitchen and he says she's put eyeshadow on her nose more than once before.
Jo: Don't have a go at me just because Chrissy prefers your brother.
Robin: When did she say that?
Jo: She didn't.
Robin: Somebody must've said it.
Jo: I did.
Jo says it's only a feeling. She could be wrong. She usually is. Robin says, "But you could be wrong about being wrong." Jo is confused.
She invites him to a party.
Robin: Don't change the subject!
Jo: Why not? I'm embarrassed by the last one.
The party is being thrown by Eleanor and Tom, and I can't help pretending that this is their former flatmate Eleanor and her husband. They didn't invite Robin because they don't like him. Robin says, "I don't think so." Jo says, "Please yourself," and goes to her bedroom.
Chrissy and Norman return. He enjoyed the tour, especially Picadilly Square and Trafalgar Circus (reversing the two sites). She tells him, "Now, watch it, or I won't show you the changing of the Guard at Fortnum & Mason. ( http://www.fortnumandmason.com/the-store.aspx )
Robin enters and asks if Chrissy showed Norman London. They think it was London. She tells Norman to pour some Sherry while she starts dinner.
Robin follows her back into the kitchen. When he sees her take out a frozen dinner, he says, "You call that cooking? Where's the skill in that?" She says some of these packets can be quite tricky to open.
She asks when he's going out. He says he's still painting the bathroom. She says, "Take it with you."
Jo comes back and invites Robin to the party again. She says Herbert is bringing his mouth organ (harmonica). Robin says, "Definitely not," so Jo leaves alone.
Robin doesn't feel like going out. He says he could stand in the corner with his head under a lampshade.
They return to the lounge and Norman gives her a glass of Sherry. He didn't pour one for Robin. Robin says it's all right because he's going out, although he doesn't know where. Then he puts the lampshade over his head. Chrissy and Norman laugh.
Robin takes the lampshade off and says he's not wanted here or at the party. It's a very sad thing not to be wanted. He opens the door and Larry is standing there. Larry says, "Hello, Mate, coming down the pub?" Robin kisses him on the cheek. "He wants me! Oh, joy, I'm wanted!" He grabs Larry, who looks weirded out. They exit.
Norman and Chrissy laugh and then toast. It's not exactly a cliffhanger, but we're going to a break.
Foursome: Robin and Larry are at the bar, both with drinks, while Robin smokes. Larry is wearing a T-shirt that's partially obscured by his denim jacket, but I think it says, "PINK PUSSY."
Robin says he doesn't understand women.
Robin: What's he got that I haven't?
Larry: Don't think about that. It'll only depress you.
Robin insists on knowing, so Larry says Norman is better-dressed and better-looking, has a car, and is taller. Robin says, "All right," but Larry adds that Norman has more charm, and something I can't catch with the audience laughing.
Larry tells Robin that there's no point in going all broody. "You've still got your mates, your muckers. You've still got me. I"ll stick by you." Robin agrees, but then Larry says, "See you then."
Larry is meeting a little raver. He goes over to a girl with curly hair, a lot of mascara, and a fuzzy yellow coat that will later to turn out to be covering a shiny gold top. He greets her as Doris. She's named Deirdre and she works in a tripe shop. She's played by Frankie Jordan, who did 54 episodes of Marked Personal in 1974.
She introduces him to her friend Mu, short for Muriel. Mu is tall with a big nose and straight red hair. She and Deirdre go everywhere together. Muriel is Cecily Hobbs's first credit on IMDB, and she eventually moved on to writing.
He offers to get them drinks. Deirdre wants a gin & tonic. Mu orders something that ends in "Bianco." But Larry order two shandies.
He tells Robin he can't leave him alone in his moment of emotional turmoil, suffering the bittersweet pains as old as life itself. "What you need is crumpet."
He tells Robin that Deirdre brought her girlfriend, who's "ideal for you." He doesn't want Robin to look round and even physically restrains him. He thinks they should form a foursome (in a mostly nonsexual sense). He reluctantly lets Robin look. The girls are laughing loudly together. Robin says, "Forget it!" Larry says this is just what Robin needs to take his mind off women.
Sideline: Meanwhile, George brings in a very large vacuum cleaner to get rid of the soot. Mildred says she's not going up the chimney with it. He says it's the modern way of doing it. The vacuum sucks down the soot. She says it won't work. He tells her they'll have to just suck it and see. He laughs.
He hired the vacuum cleaner off Jerry. It's a sideline of his. Mildred says, "He's got nothing but sidelines." Jerry gave him an instruction leaflet, but it's for a clothes dryer.
Siegfried: Back at the White Swan, the "foursome" sit at a table. The girls are talking about a film they saw. A lady doctor cured a man of an incurable disease.
Larry suggests going back to his place for "coffee and that." The girls agree, but first they'll powder their noses. Robin tries to leave, saying he's not coming back to Larry's flat with "Roobarb & Custard." ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roobarb )
Larry tells him to think of it as therapy. "As the great Siegfried Freud said, the anguish of the human condition is greatly moderated by a bit of the other."
Robin says he's not in the mood. Larry says, "I'm in the mood. They're in the mood. You're outvoted."
Next: Norman and Chrissy are now at the kitchen table, with wine glasses. She offers him more wine, or coffee, or an indigestion tablet. He says it was a very pleasant meal, thawed to perfection.
She says, "You know what comes next." They've both been thinking about it. He guesses the washing up, and she says, "Absolutely."
True Romances: The foursome arrive at Larry's, Robin reluctantly. The girls take their coats off. In the background, we can see one of Larry's posters of a topless blonde.
Holding up a bottle, Larry asks, "Fancy a little Mother's Ruin?" Muriel says, "I'd rather have a drink first." The audience laughs a lot.
The girls sit on the bed. Robin tries to leave but Larry has him sit down. He tells the girls that Robin isn't himself. Muriel asks, "Who are you then?" Annoyed, Deirdre says that Larry means Robin isn't as cheerful as he usually is.
Deirdre: Is it unrequited love, Love?
Robin: Huh?
Deirdre compares it to the young architect in "Fly My Heart Away." Muriel says that that's this week's story in True Romances. Robin says he missed that one.
Robin: Did he fancy the girl who fancied his brother?
Deirdre: No, you're thinking of last week's story.
Muriel says that one was called "Love Knows No Springtime."
Meanwhile Larry has handed out drinks.
Mu says that in LKNS, the younger, more attractive brother lost his true love to his brother, who was rotten. Robin nods and says, "You have a very understanding nature, Mu. I mean Muriel."
Suck and blow: George is setting up the vacuum cleaner. Mildred covers the furniture with sheets. He doesn't know the difference between suck and blow, which would get more emphasis nowadays. There are lots of switches, but he says it has to be one way or the other. He flips a switch. She thought it would be noisier. Then she looks and says she's no expert, but it might possibly help if he plugged it in.
The Moment: Chrissy and Norman are sitting on the settee. The shot is from a different angle than usual, so we see the fireplace behind them. It's clear what's being set up, but that's OK. Soft music plays. They sip wine.
He stutters as he tries to describe what he's feeling. She says it's the frozen chicken dinner. He says he's trying to be serious. He has another drink. He's never done this before and he has to find the right words. She says, "I think I'd better have another drink, too."
He hesitates, and then a blast of soot comes out of the fireplace and all over them. The audience laughs a lot.
Norman and Chrissy stand. She coughs. He brushes himself off. Smiling, she says, "Go on. You were saying."
Norman: Will you marry me?
Chrissy: Yes!
They kiss.
Cocoa: Upstairs, poor Robin is trying to explain the situation. Deirdre says it's ever so sad. Larry suggests the two of them get another bed for a chat.
Deirdre: Oh, Mr. Impatient! (to Robin) Go on.
Robin: That's all there is really, not much more to say.
Larry: Thank God for that!
Robin: Except that, you know, er, well, all the way way along the line, I just seem to sort of have missed the boat, you know. And, er, I suppose you don't realise how you feel about somebody until--
Larry: I thought there wasn't much more to say.
Robin: Until it's too late I suppose.
Muriel: Have you told her that your heart beats for her, and her alone? (Pause.)
Robin: Well, not in those words, exactly.
Muriel: Then it's not too late, is it?
Robin: Huh?
Larry: I think I'll put the cocoa on.
(I think he means because they'll be here all night, discussing this.)
The Other Moment: Norman brushes himself off in the kitchen, just outside the bathroom. Chrissy emerges in a bathrobe, a towel wrapped around her hair. She ran a bath for him.
She laughs at the sight of him and says, "It's a good job my mum can't see you. She was always afraid I'd marry a black man." (We learned on "And Mother Makes Four" that her mum visits twice a year in order to make sure this doesn't happen.) Norman threatens her with a sooty kiss. She ducks out of the way.
She tells him to use Robin's bathrobe. Then she gets a dustpan out of the cupboard and goes to the lounge. She says, "Oh, what a mess," kneels, and starts cleaning.
Robin comes home and wonders why she's undressed and where Norman is. She says Norman got all filthy and he's having a bath. Robin asks what happened and she tells him about the soot.
Chrissy: Robin, I've got something to tell you.
Robin: Yeah, and, er, I've got something to tell you, Chrissy.
He kneels next to where she's sitting, then he makes her stop cleaning.
Robin: Chrissy, I've been thinking, we've known each other a long time. Maybe it's taken my brother to come along to make me realise--
Chrissy: Robin.
He wants to finish. He says he's tried it on a few times. She bites her lip, as if she suspects where this is going.
Robin: You never went along with it, and I'm glad. What I'm gonna ask you is--
Chrissy: Robin, I'm gonna marry Norman.
Robin: Hm?
Chrissy: He asked me, so I accepted.
He says that's great and pretends to be happy for them. He stands up. She asks what he was going to say. He replies, "Nothing really. I was just gonna try it on again. You know me, always trying it on." He goes to congratulate Norman. She looks stunned and sad.
George knocks and lets himself in. He's covered in soot and asks if she has anything to remove it. She suggests a bath, but he says he wouldn't go that far.
No hard feelings: Norman is in the tub, and he's so tall that his feet stick out the end. As usual, there are bubbles. Robin knocks and identifies himself. Norman tells him to come in.
Robin says he just heard the news. He congratulates Norman, who thanks him. Norman asks, "No hard feelings?" Robin says the best man won. But then he dumps white paint all over Norman. He grins. The audience laughs very much.
Commentary: Robin wonders where he went wrong. I think the problem is he always made it seem like he just wanted sex with Chrissy, not a relationship. Also, he sometimes used dishonest means, like with the mouse. Perhaps that works with other women (although not very well, if his dates that we see are typical), but it's not going to work with Chrissy. She wants a relationship, and she likes that Norman takes the time to go for walks and hold hands. They laugh together, in a different way than she and Robin do. Yes, Norman's height and money and education and all that matter, but it's mostly that he enjoys her company, whether or not they go to bed together. (My guess? They don't, but they've probably made out after a couple months.)
Robin is right that it has taken his brother coming along to show him what he's missing out on with Chrissy. Her past relationships were mismatches. Norman is a good match for her. Is he better than Robin? Difficult to say. We're invested in Robin after 2 1/2 years, and we want him to be happy. Also, there's all that RCST, making us think he and Chrissy should end up together. Now that he's realised his feelings for her are much more than lust, it feels like he should have a chance to at least try. But it's too late. As for Chrissy, I can't quite tell what she's feeling. She clearly feels bad for Robin, but is it because she can't return his feelings or because she doesn't want to hurt her best friend? (She and Jo are close, but Robin is at her intellectual level, more so than Norman actually.) Although I watched the last minute or so of the last episode months ago, I'll be curious to see how this is resolved, if at all.
I like that we get a bit of Jo's opinion, with the poor girl as always caught in the middle. Even the "easy girls" give their opinion, and I like that they end up being romantics who want to help Robin out. In Larry's eyes, crumpet is very different than the sort of girl you could love, but the lines between love and lust aren't as clear as he, or Robin, thought.
Besides what Norman does to the RCST, his arrival throws into light a lot about Robin's character, including the insecurity under his occasional conceit. The line about their father having no confidence feels dead on, based on his appearance on the episode where Robin wanted to move back to Southampton after failing his exams. (We don't hear much about Robin in cooking school these days, but I assume he's still going.)
The subplot for once truly impacts the main plot. Norman probably would've proposed anyway, but he wouldn't have had to leave the lounge to take a bath, allowing Robin to almost tell Chrissy his feelings. And Norman wouldn't have got paint dumped on him of course. It's an awful thing to do-- Robin is much more rotten than Norman, who seems generally nice-- but it is understandable, and at least Norman is already in the bathroom, so it'll be easier to wash out. Again, I'm curious to see how the last episode handles the rivalry, if it's addressed and how.
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