"Mum Always Liked You Best," which aired on 24 March 1976, takes its title from the Smothers Brothers' phrase (and 1965 comedy album), although that was of course "Mom Always...." "Lee Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother" gets its title from the Hollies 1969 song, with "Lee" substituting for "He." 3'sC74 aired on Feb. 26, 1980, a couple weeks before "Secret Admirer." It placed #9 in the ratings, although the previous week's "Jack's Bad Boy" landed at #1 and is one of the weakest episodes. "Lee Ain't" is one of the better fourth-season episodes, even if it does have a completely different resolution than its British counterpart.
Satin: As MatH37 opens, Robin is wearing a purple dress, as Jo pins the hem. She asks him to stand on his tiptoes or put on a pair of her heels.
Robin: I think not. Chrissy, why aren't you doing this?
Brit-Chrissy: I can't wear that colour. It clashes with my eyes.
Robin: It doesn't exactly suit me either.
Chrissy: No, you're more the slinky satin, with long drop earrings.
Robin laughs scornfully and says he's very masculine. If anyone says otherwise, he'll scratch their eyes out.
Jo asks, "Can't you stand a bit more like me? Unaware of your gorgeous body." He says he hasn't got the bum for it.
3'sC opens with a doorbell. Janet enters from the bedroom and Amer-Chrissy from the kitchen. They simultaneously say, "I'll get it." Janet says they can both get it.
It's Mr. Furley because we're in Don Knotts's first season. He brought up their mail. The mailman must've put it in his box by mistake. He says of one letter, "They want to save whales." He got one, too, and threw it out. Chrissy asks why, since whales are an endangered species. He says saving whales is ridiculous. "Do what I do, save stamps. They take up less room and they don't get your carpet all soggy." He laughs at his own joke, but the girls just look at him. He leaves disappointed. Then Janet says if he keeps telling jokes like that, he'll be an endangered species.
The phone rings and Chrissy gets it. As usual, we don't see the person on the other end (Sandra was an exception), but Chrissy repeats enough that we (and Janet) can follow along. She says Jack's not home. She exclaims, "Lee Tripper!", although she's never heard of him. It's Jack's brother. She says, "No, I'm Chrissy, she's Janet." Lee is in town and she thinks Jack will be so excited. She says they'll be home. She hangs up.
Chrissy: Janet, guess what?
Janet: Jack's brother's in town and he's gonna come over.
Chrissy: (disappointed) Who told you?
Janet: I'm psychic.
Jack comes home and says it's a beautiful day, but when he hears the news, he says it's a miserable day. Janet asks, "Don't you like your brother?" Jack says, "I love him. He's a wonderful person. I just can't stand him." He goes to his bedroom.
Chrissy says, "If my brother were coming to visit, I'd be happy." Janet points out that Chrissy doesn't have a brother. Chrissy says, "That's why I'd be happy. I've always wanted one."
Jack returns with a photo album. After some jostling, they all sit together close on the couch.
Brit-Chrissy is already looking at Robin's photo album. She asks, "Is that your brother, standing next to the little girl?"
Robin: Yeah, that's him, but that is not a little girl.
Chrissy: (realising) Oh, sorry.
Robin says he had longer hair then.
Janet tells Jack he was a very handsome little boy. He says that's Lee.
Amer-Chrissy: Who's the cute little girl standing next to him?
Jack: That was me. My hair was longer then.
The Chrissys notice that Robin/Jack's brother was taller. Robin/Jack says his brother had thicker socks on, Robin adding that his brother was two years older.
Jo/Janet says that she didn't know Robin/Jack had a brother, since he never talks about him. Robin/Jack says he deosn't talk about his grandmother but he has one. She's taller than him as well.
Brit-Chrissy looks at pictures of brother Norman winning the cricket cup, the form prize, and the 100 yards. Lee won the 100-yard dash and got a trophy for first place in a tennis tournament. Robin/Jack says there's more to life than coming in first.
Brit-Chrissy: Yeah, there's coming second and there's photographs of you doing it.
Amer-Chrisssy: Yeah, there's coming in second and there you are doing it.
Jo tells Robin to take the dress off, and he says that's a shame because he was getting to like it. Then he tells them to keep an eye out the window. With an American accent, he says, "Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Norman bounding over the rooftops with his bionic legs." (The Six Million Dollar Man had started airing in 1974.) He grabs his jacket and heads out.
Meanwhile, 3'sC expands on the rivalry. Janet notices that Lee was class valedictorian.
Amer-Chrissy: Boy, if your brother's smart and handsome and good in sports, what's wrong with him?
Jack: There's nothing wrong with him. That's what's wrong with him.
He gets to his feet and goes to put the album away. Janet tells Chrissy that that sounds like something she'd say.
When Jack returns, he says it was hard growing up with a brother who was perfect at everything. When Jack was around him, he couldn't do anything right. Jack stumbles over his words, and then says "I don't even talk good around him."
The girls get up and stand on either side of Jack. Janet says they think he's the greatest, and Chrissy agrees. Jack says it's no contest. Lee makes a great living, doing a great job, and he gets to travel all around the world. Jack says he's just a lousy cooking student. Chrissy grabs him by the arms and says he's a good student. Janet grabs him and turns him around, saying he's a good cook. Chrissy grabs and says he's a great cook. Janet grabs and says he's the greatest cook. Jack turns back to Chrissy, but she just nods and smiles. He tries it with Janet, who also just nods and smiles. He says, "Well?" She says, "That's it." He says that's enough. He's a better cook than Lee. He decides to cook something that will send Lee's tastebuds through the roof of his mouth, but he misspeaks. Still, he goes in the kitchen.
The girls shake hands at their successful pep talk. The scene dissolves, and we're back in the living room, as we are for most of the episode. But first let's get the Brit-Ropers' subplot going.
Miss X: In the kitchen downstairs, Mildred is washing up the dishes while George reads the newspaper.
George: "I was carried away by mad passion."
Mildred: When was this?
He's quoting a story about a vicar who gave a lift to 18-year-old Miss X. She gets about, this Miss X. Last week she was in a story about a co-op milkman. She tells of her nightmare journey in the vicar's boot (car trunk).
Mildred asks if there's anything in the paper about men helping their wives with the washing up. And she wonders when's the last time he picked up a dishcloth. He says just now, when he handed it to her. She says he didn't use it. "There's no point in having something in your hand if you're not gonna use it." He says he did his bit, dirtying the plates.
She says they haven't eaten out in a proper restaurant in awhile, with wine, paper napkins, and metal knives and forks. (Does she mean cloth napkins, or are her standards not that high?) He says flash restaurants cost money. Between the two of them, it comes to a quid. She says that just shows how long it's been.
She takes out a wad of pound notes, which she found while dusting his wallet. He takes it back. She says he can now afford to take her out.
Quiche: The American girls are now sitting on the couch playing Go Fish. Jack comes in from the kitchen, wearing a striped apron. He says, "Ladies, this time I have outdone myself." He says he's made the world's greatest quiche. Chrissy comes over and says she's starving. He says nobody eats till Lee gets here. She begs, so he says, "OK, Chrissy, I'll give you a little quiche. Quiche me, you fool!" He gives her a peck on the cheek. (This was two years before Bruce Feirstein's bestseller Real Men Don't Eat Quiche.)
The doorbell rings and Janet says she'll get it. Jack's hands start shaking. Janet says it's just his brother, but he goes back to the kitchen.
Splash: Robin is walking down the street, wearing his jacket and scarf. A fancy white car pulls up and splashes a puddle on him. The man says sorry. After he parks the car, they go into the building.
Just outside the flat, Robin says his socks are all soggy.
Man: I said I was sorry. What a daft place to put a puddle.
Robin: I don't put puddles anywhere.
They go into the flat. Jo is now wearing the purple dress. Robin introduces the girls to Norman, "the one without the wet trousers."
Jo: Excuse me, I'm going to take my dress off.
Norman: I don't usually have this effect on women.
Chrissy laughs and says Jo has another dress on underneath. "She always wears two during the winter months." (Confirming that this series is set a few weeks before the airdates.)
Jo invites Norman to sit down. Robin tells Chrissy, "Watch this. He's won prizes for it."
Norman says he had a smooth run from Southampton. Jo says, "That'll be your bionic legs." She goes to get him some coffee.
Norman passes on messages from his and Robin's parents, their mum nagging and their dad saying to ignore it.
Justice: The episodes sync up again.
Norman: It's nice to meet you, Chrissy. Robin's description didn't do you justice.
Brit-Chrissy: No?
Norman: How could it? I mean, you'd need a Keats or a Shelley.
Robin: Oh, be careful. He's won prizes for this as well.
Chrissy: I'm not that easily swept off my feet.
Norman: Of course not. A beautiful girl like you must be used to compliments.
Chrissy: But do go on.
Janet stutters a bit on meeting handsome, charming Lee. He says that Jack's description didn't do her justice.
Lee: But then a pretty girl like you must be used to compliments. (She laughs, flattered.)
Janet: Yes, don't let that stop you.
Norman is staying here for two days. (I think in London rather than the flat.) Jo returns with the coffee and says, "You'd better take your jacket off then."
Amer-Chrissy says, "Janet, aren't you gonna let Jack's brother in?" She does so.
Chrissy: Hi, welcome to the family!
Lee: Pardon?
Chrissy: Well, you and Jack are brothers, and Janet and I are like sisters, and Jack's more like a brother than a roommate, so it's like we're all related.
Lee: You must be Chrissy. You're even more stunning than Jack said you were. No, no, "stunning" is too mild a word. (Stepping close and taking her hand) If only I were a poet. But, alas, words fail me.
Chrissy: (stunned) I don't know what to say.
Lee: Say no more.
Chrissy: No more.
Jack enters from the kitchen again. Lee calls him Jacky and ruffles his hair, which Jack clearly dislikes. Jack asks when Lee is leaving. Lee says he's in town for a couple days.
Lee sits on the couch, the girls on either side. Janet asks if he's here for business.
Lee: Not exactly. The company flew me in for a dinner.
Chrissy: Why? Don't they have restaurants where you live?
She snort-laughs. He says his company is having their annual Man of the Year banquet. He won again. Jack asks if this is two years in a row. Lee says it's three.
Norman says there's a dinner dance tonight, for buyers and wives. (What, they don't have any female buyers?)
Norman: I've got to go, but I haven't got a wife. I wondered if you could help me, Robin.
Robin: You can't marry your brother.
Norman: I just wondered if you knew a girl who might like caviar, champagne, that sort of stuff.
Chrissy clears her throat and then Jo does, so Chrissy says she did it first.
Norman says that's marvelous. Robin says, "I've changed my mind. I will marry you." Chrissy points out that Norman hasn't asked yet, so he starts to ask Robin if it's all right. "Not him, me. And I accept."
Lee: Actually, Jack, I was hoping you could help me out. I need a date for the dinner tonight.
Jack: (laughing nervously) You could probably win one.
Lee: I thought you might know a girl who'd enjoy a night of, uh, dancing, champagne, caviar, that sort of thing.
Jack says sorry, he doesn't know anybody like that. Amer-Chrissy points at herself.
Lee: Maybe Janet or Chrissy would like to go.
Janet: I'd love to, but, uh, I can't. I have plans tonight.
Jack: Well, Lee, it looks like you're out of luck.
Chrissy points at herself again. Lee asks if she's free tonight. She exclaims, "Yeah!"
Jack says Chrissy can't have dinner with Lee because of the special dinner Jack is making. Then he cries, "Oh my God, the quiche!" He runs into the kitchen.
Lee says he has to go check into his hotel. (Where is his luggage? In a waiting cab downstairs?) He and the girls get to their feet.
Norman tells Brit-Chrissy he'll pick her up at eight o'clock. She says, "Lovely." Robin looks disgusted.
Lee says he'll pick up Amer-Chrissy at 8.
Lee: By the way, it's formal.
Chrissy: Oh, OK. Well, I'll call you Mr. Tripper, and you can call me Miss Snow.
She goes to her room to get dressed, so Janet starts to show Lee out. (Because the front door is so far away from the couch!) Jack enters with his quiche, black and smoking. He says it's a little overdone. Lee laughs and says, "Good to see you, Jack. You haven't changed a bit." Jack miserably says, "Neither have you."
And we dissolve to the living room again.
Plates: George is watching a football match downstairs, making running commentary. Mildred comes in with a tray. She's wearing her banana trousers. He barely noticed what he ate for the main meal. She says he smothers everything wth tomato sauce.
She thinks she must've washed up 40,000 plates since they were married. (So 2000 plates a year? That's like 5 1/2 plates a day. Possible, especially if she's counting the ones for her and guests.) He says they only own six.
She says tomorrow night they'll go out to dinner. He's still not paying attention. She brought him rhubarb pie and custard for pudding (dessert). She puts tomato sauce on the rhubarb. He eats some but it takes him awhile to notice. He likes it though.
Jealous: That night, Robin is in his dressing gown, playing solitaire. Jack, still in his plaid and jeans, is pacing.
Jo, in her dressing gown, brings Robin tea. She tells him to put the red 9 on the 10 of Clovers. He says he could also put it on the 10 of Shovels, but it happens to be a red 6.
She looks at her watch and says it's getting late. He says he's playing as fast as he can. She observes that Chrissy isn't back yet.
Robin: Isn't she? I hadn't noticed.
Jo: I bet they're having a really nice time.
He says they might not be. They might be very bored. He admits that he's very bored.
Jo goes to bed. Robin says, "Oh to hell with it," and puts the 10 of Clovers on the red 6.
Jack hears someone at the door so he yanks it open and cries, "Aha!" Janet falls into the room. He says he just wanted fresh air. She says perhaps he's waiting up for Amer-Chrissy. He scoffs and then admits it.
She thinks maybe he's a little jealous of his brother. He denies it and says he's just worried about a friend. Janet says, "Your friend is just doing your brother a favor. She's not interested in him."
There's laughter offscreen on both shows. With 3'sC, it's Chrissy laughing briefly, while on MatH it's both Chrissy and Norman, and it goes on awhile. Janet says, "I bet she couldn't wait to get home tonight." Jack goes to let Chrissy in. There's a bang or a pop on the British show, so Robin opens the door.
Norman and Brit-Chrissy lean in as if they're about to kiss. He's in a suit with a dinner jacket, while she's in an orange dress. He's got balloons and streamers draped on him, while she's holding a daffodil. (I think it was a balloon that popped.) Robin tells Norman goodnight, but Norman is coming in.
Jack loudly says, "Well, Chrissy, did you have a nice time?" He opens the door on Lee and Chrissy in the middle of a long kiss. Lee is holding her, while her knees are bent so that her feet are off the ground. Jack mumbles, "You don't have to answer that."
And 3'sC breaks for commercials.
Still have begged for more: 3'sC picks up where it left off. Jack gets Lee and Chrissy's attention. They stop kissing and Lee sets her down. The two of them laugh. Lee is wearing black tie, while Chrissy's in a nice but not memorable dress.
Norman says it was a fabulous evening. There was iced champagne, smoked salmon, chandeliers, and a full-string orchestra. Robin says it sounds pretty boring. (I have to agree. Well, chandeliers are cool.)
Brit-Chrissy says it was a marvelous orchestra. She breaks into "I Could've Danced All Night." Norman joins in and they start dancing around the lounge. Robin says he'll get the black coffee. Chrissy says to leave it to her. She goes to the nearest door, so he tells her she's going into his bedroom. She giggles and says, "Naughty boy!"
Lee and Amer-Chrissy dance into the apartment but don't sing.
Norman tells Robin that Brit-Chrissy is a marvelous dancer. He hasn't had such a good partner since he won the gold medal in the something something Championship. Robin joins in before Norman is done.
Lee tells Jack and Janet that Amer-Chrissy is a marvelous dancer. He hasn't had a partner like her since he won first place in the All-City Ballroom Dance Competition. Jack joins in before Lee is done. Then Lee ruffles Jack's hair. Jack looks murderous.
Robin tries to tell Norman that he and Chrissy sort of had a-- But since they don't have anything but tension, no actual commitment, he can't complete his sentence. Instead, he says that Norman always takes things he wants, like his teddy bear when he was a kid. He says, "It's just that I'm a bit worried about her." Norman says he thinks she's in the trunk in the attic, meaning the teddy.
Meanwhile, Chrissy is too drunk to get the coffee grounds into the cups, just dropping them on the counter.
Robin rushes Norman out. Norman wants to say goodbye to Chrissy, in an intimate way. Robin tells him to describe it and he'll do it. He tells his brother cheerio and goes in the kitchen, where he sees Chrissy stirring an empty cup.
He says Norman had to go. She says Norman is very nice. Robin offers to take her to bed, saying it unsuggestively. Hanging on to Robin, she exclaims, "I like him!"
Robin: So we all do. But I mean, take away his dinner jacket, his suave chat, his flashy little white sports car, and what are you left with?
Chrissy: You.
He nods. And we go to adverts.
Come and go: The next morning, Robin cooks breakfast. He's wearing a shirt that says, "SEX MAKES ME COME AND GO." He asks Jo if Chrissy said anything about last night. Jo says Chrissy said something about belonging to Glasgow. (Yes, another old song: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Belong_to_Glasgow )
Chrissy comes in, very chipper. She says bacon and eggs are her favourite. Robin is surprised she's not hung over, but she says she only had three champagne cocktails last night. Then when he sets the plate before her, she can't face the food. She says her eyelashes ache. Robin says that's what happens when you have a good evening.
Winking, Janet says Amer-Chrissy probably had a really rotten time tonight. Chrissy laughs.
Brit-Chrissy says she only remembers bits. Amer-Chrissy says tonight's just a great big blur. The Chrissys remember water, and things going round and round.
Jo: (seriously) You were in a laundrette.
Jack: (sarcastically) You went to a laundromat?
Brit-Chrissy says the dance was by the river. Lee says that there's a fountain outside the Ocean View Plaza Hotel.
Brit-Chrissy and Norman walked along the grass, looking up at the stars. Robin asks, "Vertically or horizontally?", although diagonally would make more sense. She says Norman picked her a daffodil from a windowbox. (Have the police ever looked into this constant raiding and desecration of windowboxes? It's a London crime wave!) Then she realises what Robin's implying.
Amer-Chrissy is still laughing. Janet asks if she's been drinking. Holding up four fingers, she says it was just three champagne cocktails. Janet escorts her towards the kitchen for some very strong black coffee.
Robin won't come right out and say what he's implying. Chrissy is indignant. Jo calmly tries to explain. Then she says they're going to be late for work. Chrissy says, "Honestly, five champagne cocktails and he thinks I'm anybody's." Robin is shocked and follows the girls into the lounge.
Amer-Chrissy says she's all right, since she only had five champagne cocktails. Jack grabs her arm and says, "Five? You said three just now." She replies, "Yeah, three and five is eight." Janet takes her into the ktichen.
After Robin nags her about drinking and coming home late, Brit-Chrissy says, "You know, it's really weird. I hear my mother's voice and I see him." Jo says he's just jealous. He denies it.
Brit-Chrissy opens the door. Norman is there with a bouquet for her, which Jo passes on to Robin. Jo says they're going to be late for work.
Norman: Do you need a lift?
Jo: No thank you, I'll use the stairs.
The girls leave. Robin tells Norman that orchids are a bit flash. He pulls Norman into the flat for a chat. Norman wonders if this is about the teddy. Robin says no and asks him about Chrissy. Norman says it's none of Robin's business.
Robin says Chrissy was pissed last night. Norman says she only had six champagne cocktails.
Robin beats around the bush again, till Norman says, "For a man who just said pissed, you're being very mealy-mouthed.
Norman tells him that he never tries it on with a girl on the first time out. But he was going to ask her out again tonight. Robin says that would be the second time. Norman says, "I do believe you're right."
Robin says that tonight Chrissy is going out with him. Norman says it's his last night in town. Robin says, "You know, I do believe you're right." He smiles mischievously.
Jack asks Lee, "What was that at the door?" Lee says it was a simple goodnight kiss. Jack asks if anything happened tonight. Lee says, "Of course not!" He never tries that with a girl on the first date.
Jack: Thank goodness!
Lee: Of course, I'm seeing Chrissy tomorrow night.
Jack: That would be, that would be the second date.
Lee: Jack, you always were good at math.
He hits Jack playfully on the chin.
He exits and the scene dissolves to the living room yet again.
Opportunity Knocks: Later in the British subplot, Mildred brushes George's dinner jacket. She's wearing a hot pink dress. George enters and says he'll miss Opportunity Knocks.
[ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opportunity_Knocks_(UK_TV_series) ) ] They're having a banjo-playing dog tonight.
She sees the jacket he's got on and tells him he's not wearing Old Faithful tonight. It's been over the bonnet (hood) of the car all winter. She makes him put his decent one on.
She asks if he changed his underpants. He says yes and she starched them. They'll crack like a pistol shot when he sits down. She smiles.
She asks if he cleaned behind his ears. He says he's not a kid.
He gleefully says he forgot to book a table, but she says she did.
Then she tells him to take off his plimsolls. We cut to his worn-out shoes.
Rot: Jo is reading a magazine as Robin straightens his tie. Chrissy comes in wearing a sort of peasant-style blue dress. Robin says she looks nice, then adds, "How can I describe it? It would take a Keats or a Shelley."
Chrissy doesn't remember arranging to eat out tonight. Robin says it's a little French restaurant around the corner.
Chrissy: What about Jo?
Jo: Oh, don't worry about me. I'll just go and sit in the kitchen and rot.
Robin: Good girl.
He takes Chrissy's hand and leads her to the door. But Norman is on the other side, with a box of chocolates, which he gives to Chrissy.
Bart: Jack is sitting on the couch with the photo album again, this time alone and in a different outfit. He says, "Class valedictorian," and gives a raspberry. "First place 100-yard freestyle. First in everything. He was even firstborn."
The doorbell rings and he gets it. It's Mr. Furley again. He's here to fix the sink.
Mr. Furley asks what's wrong, since Jack doesn't seem to be his usual gay self, ha ha. Jack says his brother's upset him. Mr. Furley can relate to that, since part of his characterization is that he feels inferior to his brother, who owns the building. (Unlike Stanley Roper, Ralph Furley is just the manager.)
Ralph: When I was growing up, I always felt inferior to my brother, Bart.
Jack: You did, why?
Ralph: My parents told me I was.
Jack: That's terrible!
When they went to the beach, Bart buried him in the sand, head first. And after Bart lost all his baby teeth, he stole Ralph's to get the money from the Tooth Fairy.
Jack: From under your pillow when you were asleep?
Ralph: No, out of my mouth when I was awake. Wasn't he a pistol?
Jack feels better now but Mr. Furley is depressed. He starts to leave.
Chrissy comes home with Lee and introduces him to Mr. Furley. Ralph exclaims, "You keep your hands off his teeth!", then exits.
Jack says Mr. Furley is allergic to brothers. Lee says, "Well, I love mine!" He ruffles Jack's hair again.
Lee says it's beautiful weather out. Jack says it's been cloudy all morning. Lee says that the sun is always shining when he's near Chrissy.
Dinner for...: Lee asks if Chrissy is busy tonight. Before she can reply, Jack says remember, they're going to Chez Robert (with a silent T), just the two of them.
Norman/Lee says it's a shame because it's his last night in town and he wanted to take Robin/Jack out to dinner. Robin/Jack is so surprised that he lets himself be manipulated into having to go to dinner with Robin/Lee and the Chrissys because he doesn't want his brother and his roommate to have dinner alone.
It sounds like Lee says he'll pick them up at teven, but I could've misheard him. He exits.
Chrissy goes to her room as Janet comes home. Jack tells Janet that somehow Lee managed to invite himself to dinner. Janet thinks this is a good thing.
Janet: Where's the one place that nobody can compete with you?
Jack: (trying to look suave) My bedroom?
Janet: Guess again.
She says they're going to a restaurant, and he says it's a French restaurant. She says that's even better, because his specialty is French cuisine. She tells him to be a good sport and not embarrass his brother too much. He says he'll try not to. He looks sly.
Garcon: The two sets of brothers and Chrissys enter the French restaurants. Jack says this is one of the finest restaurants in the city. Robin says they know him quite well. Jack says they know him here. Robin calls the restaurant manager Charles and is corrected to "Alphonse." Jack calls him Robert (with the silent T) and is corrected to "Maurice." Robin says to give Charles his best wishes, while Jack says to give Robert his best.
Alphonse is listed in the credits as "Restaurant Manager" and is played by Steve Plytas. Mr. Plytas was actually Turkish, but as far back as '58 he was playing a French restaurant manager. He also played Arabs, Russians, Swiss, and Germans, including George I of England. Maurice is played by Albert Carrier, who was born in Canada but often cast as French, from hairdressers to generals, but, yes, with a lot of restaurant staff thrown in.
Robin/Jack asks for a quiet table for three/trois. Alphonse/Maurice says Robin/Jack has no reservation and they're full. Norman/Lee smoothly bribes Alphonse/Maurice, who then offers a quiet table. Brit-Chrissy tells Robin that it's obviously an advantage that they don't know him. Lee says merci.
Alphonse/Maurice escorts them to the table. Alphonse pulls chairs out for Brit-Chrissy and Norman, but poor Robin stands around for awhile until he has to seat himself.
On 3'sC, the tables are further apart and the place looks more upscale than the London restaurant. Maurice just seats Amer-Chrissy. The men seat themselves.
Alphonse corrects Robin's pronunciation, repeatedly, and Robin still doesn't get it right. Alphonse gets annoyed and sends over the waiter, played by Lawrence Davidson. Mr. Davidson was in a television production of Pride and Prejudice in 1952, but he didn't start appearing steadily till almost a decade later. He often played French, including the President of France in Curse of the Pink Panther (1983).
Maurice just waits on the table himself.
When Robin starts to order in French, the waiter replies in rapid French. Jack also orders French dishes. Amer-Chrissy says, "Wonderful." Maurice replies in French. Robin/Jack says he only speaks food.
Norman orders something in French and the waiter replies in a friendly manner, the two of them chatting in French for a bit. The same thing happens in America, except that I can catch some of Lee's words, like "mon frere" (my brother).
Jack says, "We'll have what he's having." He looks humiliated.
The Brit-Ropers come in. Mildred tells Alphonse that they have a reservation under "Mrs. Roper and husband." He escorts them to a table. Out of Alphonse's hearing, George says this is a Froggy restaurant, not proper food. It'll be all snails and horsemeat.
They see the Tripps and Chrissy, exchanging hellos. They're seated at the next table.
George calls the waiter "Garcon," with a hard C. He says there's no tomato sauce, clarifying this with "No tomato sauce-o, savvy?" The waiter goes to get some.
George nudges Robin and says, "You speak this wog lingo, don't you? What's that say?" Robin replies, "Oh, you'll like that. It's snails and horsemeat." ("Wog" is an ethnic slur, usually applied to dark-skinned people, although it can be used against a Mediterranean person.
Robin wants to start out with one dish I can't spell, but Norman says, "Not for me." He had some before and was ill for days. He suggests Chrissy try the pâté. As a compromise, Chrissy says she'll have the melon.
George is outraged by the tomato sauce coming in a gravy boat. He wants it in a proper bottle. He grumbles about the foreign muck.
Both scenes dissolve and we return to the restaurants after dinner has been eaten. Norman is going to pay the check, but Robin insists on it. Then he sees it and suggests they split it. Norman picks it up and says Robin can pay it next time. Chrissy thanks them both.
Amer-Chrissy says the meal was delicious.
Jack: My pleasure, Chrissy.
Lee: I'm just glad I was able to order for you.
Jack: I picked the restaurant.
Lee: And you almost got us a table.
This is where the episodes really diverge, and I'm going to talk about 3'sC74 first because it's a stand-alone, while MatH37 has huge ramifications.
Gateau: Maurice offers them dessert, but Chrissy says, "Not for me, my waistline." Jack orders the gateau au chocolat. Then he talks about one dish, demonstrating how you have to roll the dough. He spills his drink on himself and bangs into Maurice, who spills the gateau on Lee.
Maurice apologizes to Lee, who doesn't blame him. Lee goes to the restroom. Maurice takes the dessert tray away.
Jack says whenever he's around his brother, he can't do anything right. He misses his chair when he tries to sit down. He calls himself a klutz. She says he's not a klutz.
Chrissy: Don't you see? It's no contest.
Jack: Don't rub it in.
She says she'd much rather spend an evening with him than his brother. "If your brother Lee were a cake, he'd be all icing. But you're all cake, with a lot of layers." This deservedly gets applause.
Chrissy says Jack is real and Lee isn't. Jack says Lee is a winner.
Chrissy: Remember that Pittsburgh ballplayer, Willy Startrek?
Jack: Stargell.
Chrissy: Whatever. When Willy steps up to the home plate to hit that winning touchdown, the crowd goes wild!
Jack: (amused) I don't blame 'em.
She says that Willy is doing it for the team and for them. "With your brother, he's just doing it for himself, and to say, 'Look how good I am.' " She says she feels sorry for Lee. Jack is surprised.
She says Lee is so predictable. When he comes back, he'll say, "Don't worry about the suit. I have another one at home just like it."
Lee returns. Jack starts to apologize, but Lee says what Chrissy predicted. The audience applauds. Jack laughs and Chrissy tries not to.
Jack says he suddenly feels really good about himself. He apologizes about the spill. Lee says, "Forget it. I just can't imagine going through life doing things like that." Jack says Lee also can't hit a touchdown with a baseball bat. He swings his fork and hits Chrissy's drink, spilling it onto her. She cries, "Jack, you klutz!" He looks sheepish.
Slam dunk: In the tag, Chrissy is wearing short-shorts and watering the plants. Jack is vacuuming. Janet enters from the kitchen with a wastebasket. Jack turns off the vacuum and slam-dunks a wad of paper. Chrissy cheers. Jack gives Janet a low-ten and then they do the Bump.
Janet says Jack is certainly in a good mood. He says that ever since his brother Lee left on that airplane, he feels this tremendous weight off his shoulders. He's all thumbs when Lee is around. "Now that he's gone, I can do whatever I want." He grabs Janet and smooches her. Then he grabs Chrissy, who's watering plants again. He tries to smooch her, but she sprays him. Janet laughs. Chrissy says, "Except that."
Janet says, "Back to work." She tells Jack to take out the trash. She'll clean the bathroom.
The doorbell rings and Chrissy answers it while Jack's in the kitchen getting the trash. It's Lee. Chrissy calls out, "Jack, your brother's back!" We see Jack spill the trash, knock over the table, stumble into the living room, kick the wastepaper basket, and fall at Lee's feet. The audience applauds.
Jack asks what Lee is doing here. Lee says he missed his plane. Jack says, "Can't you do anything right?" Lee and the girls help him to his feet.
And the American episode ends.
Potato: Norman says he's had a wonderful two days. Chrissy says, "I've enjoyed it, too." They hold onto each other's hands, so Robin puts his hand on top and does "One potato, two potato." Norman says, "On that sophisticated note, we'd better go." They say goodnight to the Ropers and leave.
George is shocked by the 50p for couvert, which he didn't order. Mildred says that's the cover charge. He asks the waiter to knock off a bit, since he's English and he "saved you lot during the war." He says the French come over here on their bicycles, with their string of onions, and buy themselves a monkey jacket.
He realises he doesn't have his wallet, because he left it in Old Faithful. So they'll have to wash dishes.
Dog bites boy: In the last scene, Robin is lying on the settee, suffering, with a blanket over him. There's a different Scottish doctor than before, played by John Harvey. Mr. Harvey had an uncredited film role in 1935, but didn't start appearing regularly till the late '40s. He not only portrayed doctors but a lot of detectives, policemen, and such.
As this doctor, he says it's a mild case of food poisoning. Jo suggests pumping Robin out. The doctor says that won't be necessary. He hands her Robin's prescription and says, "A spoonful of that would pump out Loch Ness."
After the girls and the doctor exit to the kitchen, Norman says he can't leave his only brother confined to a sick bed. He's decided to stay for another week. Besides, someone has to keep an eye on Chrissy.
Robin says, "Remember that puppy when I was a kid?" It kept biting him. No one could make it sit up and beg except Norman. "Well, it's bloody well happening again, isn't it?" He collapses in pain, obviously not just from food poisoning.
And the British episode ends.
Commentary: The casting of the brothers is really good. They look like Robin and Jack respectively, while of course being taller. They also match up in personality. Even the names feel like sets, without doing that thing of "All my children have names that start with B: Bryan, Britney, Bethany, etc." Norman Eshley is of course doing The Danza, although he didn't make a habit of it like Tony D. He's actually a year younger than Richard O'Sullivan, which also means, yes, it's ironic that he was the "older man" for Chrissy a couple years earlier. John Getz is in fact two years older than John Ritter, although the Trippers' age difference isn't specified. Mr. Getz got his start in the TV-movie Killer Bees (1974), and has worked steadily ever since, including as a lawyer in The Social Network.
We never find out exactly what either Norman or Lee does for a living, but maybe it's left deliberately vague, so we can imagine the most enviable job. (Or they didn't want to date the shows, although that's hardly a concern otherwise, is it?) I'm a little surprised Norman lives in Southampton, but maybe he was just visiting his parents before driving to see Robin. Lee lives far enough away that he has to fly to L.A.
Norman is presented as a more likable person than Lee is, which is good since we're asked to take that two-day relationship more seriously. Lee is much more condescending to Jack, while Norman handles, for instance, the check situation in a more considerate way. On the other hand, Norman is rather sneaky, asking Chrissy her plans for the evening, when Robin already told him she had plans with him. At least Lee, as far as we know, expected both her and Jack to be free.
Jack's feelings about Lee's date with Chrissy are less complicated than Robin's. He still lusts after Chrissy but they have been living together three years at this point, and he is, if not quite like a brother, at least pretty comfortable with the platonic situation. He's protective of Chrissy and annoyed that his brother has once again charmed people he likes. As for Chrissy, she's clearly attracted to Lee, but in the sober light of day she realizes that he's self-centered and not as much fun as Jack.
Janet is probably just trying to make Jack feel better when she says that Amer-Chrissy isn't interested in Lee, since she says she has other plans that night in order to help Chrissy go out with Lee. (We never find out if she really did, or if she was bluffing so Chrissy could go. We also don't find out where she went then, or the next day. Janet's social life is more of a closed book than her roommates'.)
Jo seems to approve of Norman and Brit-Chrissy going out, although she might just be teasing Robin. There's no scene of either set of female roommates discussing the matter. The way the episodes end, it would be difficult for Amer-Chrissy and Lee to pursue anything, since she's seen through him, while Brit-Chrissy is still very fond of Norman. They didn't have to continue the relationship, since all of Chrissy's other relationships have fizzled out, but it is nicely set up for that. Norman is staying in London not just to look after his sick brother but to "keep an eye on Chrissy."
And does Chrissy want him keeping an eye on her? I think she does. Ironically, this seems to be the most she's fallen for a man since Ian Cross. There is no disillusionment or complication this time, as there so often is for her and her fellows. (Or in the case of the secret admirer, the fellow turning out to be Jo's.)
I suppose I should say something about the British subplot, but it's just there, incorporated into the main plot without enriching it or weakening it. It was easily removed for the American show, and I'm perfectly happy to get more of Jack and Mr. Furley's insecurities about their brothers instead. Also, note they're doing that "my sister Nancy" thing again. There are many moments when we hear about "my/your brother Lee" and "my/your brother Bart," when these are families of two boys and there's no need to be that specific. The irony is that when Jack's father shows up a couple years later, he's Jack Tripper, Sr. On that episode and the one where Jack pretends to have a twin brother, Lee has been retconned out. Robin, on the other hand, will not find it so easy to get rid of his brother....
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