The premise of "Love and Let Love," the flatmates having to figure out a schedule that works for nights in the flat, seems to come rather late, here in the middle of the fifth series, two years after Robin moved in. It makes more sense as the second-season opener of 3'sC, just a few months after Jack moved in. Nonetheless, Math30 aired on 25 September 1975, while "Ground Rules," 3'sC7, appeared less than two years later, on Sept. 13, 1977, and placed higher in the ratings than anything from the short first season, at #3.
Fraternal: The British episode opens on an empty lounge, lit only by the television, which is playing the Thames Studio theme music. It's time for News at 10. Robin comes in wearing his "close dancing" T-shirt, carrying a plate of sandwiches. He sits down and cuts the sandwiches, the plate resting in his lap. The newsreader tells the bleak headlines, accompanied by a tolling bell. Robin turns the telly off with the remote and says, "Oh, bloody hell." Then Brit-Chrissy comes home with a date.
Meanwhile, Janet comes home, laughing. Her date is in a suit and tie. Jack strolls in from the kitchen, eating an apple.
Brit-Chrissy thought Robin was going out.
Janet: What are you doing here?
Jack: I live here?
The dates looked surprised to see a man so at home.
Brit-Chrissy introduces Robin to Desmond, who's played by Mark Cooper. Mr. Cooper doesn't have that many acting credits-- he played a robot on Dr. Who-- but he went on to be a producer, of Shakespeare in Love among other things.
Robin says he'll try to remember Desmond's name, since it gets confusing with all Chrissy's boyfriends. The last one was Tom, or Dick, or Harry. Desmond says he thought Chrissy said she shares the flat with a girl. Chrissy says she does, and (with a great deal of hesitation) Robin is just staying with her while he's in London. He's her brother. Robin is startled to hear this.
Janet introduces Jack to Alex, who's played by Gary Cookson. A couple years after this, Mr. Cookson would be a regular on the short-lived sitcom, Delta House, based on Animal House.
Alex: You said you shared your place with a girl.
Jack: We do.
With a great deal of hesitation, Janet says that Jack is just visiting from back home. He's her brother.
Desmond/Alex says he should've seen the resemblance. Putting his arm around Janet, Jack says, "You won't believe this, but a lot of people think we don't look alike at all." Alex says, "I have an eye for these things." He smooths down his clothes, which Jack imitates, again showing through his mockery that he doesn't like his roommates' dates.
Dragging Robin into the kitchen, Chrissy tells him to remind her where she keeps the coffee. Janet asks to see Jack in the kitchen for just a moment. He cheerfully says, "Sure, Sis!" He asks Alex to "remind me to tell you about the time when we were kids and we were taking a bath together."
In the kitchen, Robin says this is the third one this month.
Robin: You're putting it about a bit, aren't you?
Chrissy: Certainly not. I'm keeping it where it's always been.
Robin: Where's that?
Chrissy: To myself, so go out.
Janet just tells Jack to find his own friends to play with.
Robin/Jack asks about the brother thing. Brit-Chrissy says that Desmond gets a bit jealous, and you how it is when you tell people you're living a fellow. Who'd believe it's platonic? Robin says, "I know. I hardly believe it myself sometimes." Janet says, "I don't think Alex is the type to believe a man and a woman living together platonically." Jack says, "Then let's try something he will believe," and mimes tearing off her clothes. She's understandably annoyed.
Janet tells Jack to go down to the Regal Beagle. He's got studying to do, so he offers to go to his room. Robin just offers to go to his room.
Brit-Chrissy: Then you'll look through the keyhole.
Robin: True. What would I see if I did?
Chrissy: Desmond and I drinking coffee.
Robin: You're gonna have to do better than that if you expect me to look through the keyhole.
Janet: You'll look through the keyhole.
Jack: That's a good idea. What'll I see?
Janet: Two people drinking coffee.
Jack: You gotta do better than that if you expect me to look through a keyhole.
He imitates her angry movements.
Brit-Chrissy tells Robin to go to the pub.
Robin: I resent this.
Chrissy: Resent it in the pub.
Jack says he'll go down to the pub for an hour. She tells him to stay out real late. He says, "Why, you little coffee-drinker you," and playfully brushes her fist with his chin, she smiling. He tosses the apple, and she catches it.
Robin keeps calling Brit-Chrissy "Sis" as she escorts him back to the lounge and out of the flat. She tells him to not come back before 12.
When Jack and Janet return to the living room, he says he's going to head out. But he adopts a tough Southern accent and says that they have a very protective family. He's the smallest of Janet's six big brothers. He exits, closing the door behind him. But then the door opens as he says, "And between us, we're two miles tall!" He strikes a muscleman pose with a goofy grin. She closes the door and leans on it, as if to keep him from returning.
Serious talk: At the White Swan, the Ropers are drinking at a table, and we can see Jo on a stool in the background.
Mildred: George, I think it's about time you and I had a serious talk.
George: Can't we change the subject?
Mildred: I haven't told you what the subject is.
He says he hasn't been well. She says he might feel better if he came to bed at the same time as her. He says he's been sharpening his pencil collection. She says, "Not for three weeks?" She says she's not going to raise her voice, but she raises it enough that Jo turns round.
At the Regal Beagle, the Ropers are at the Trio's favorite table. At the table in back of them, a young couple is sharing a very long kiss. Helen thinks it's romantic. Stanley thinks somone should call the cops on them.
He says those things should be done in private. Then he says, "Come on, Helen, let's go home." Delighted, she says, "Oh, Stanley, do you mean it?" But he's got to do the books tonight.
She says it's Friday night, but he insists he has to do the books. She says that last night he suddenly got interested in a plumbing catalog. The night before, he took the garbage out, piece by piece. He says garbage is important. She asks, "What's more important, the garbage or your wife?" With a hesitation worthy of Jack Benny deciding between his money and his life, Stanley finally says that she is but not as urgent.
He asks why her mind is always on the same thing. She says it's perfectly natural. "When you're starving, you think of food."
Robin comes in while Mildred says it'd be nice if tonight George didn't find an odd job that would keep him busy till she's fallen asleep. Robin comes over to them and says that the ball caulk in the bathroom needs fixing. (And yes, I was all "Ball cock?!? What?" But it's the part of the toilet that fills the tank.) George says he'll fix it tonight, but Mildred cries, "No!" George says the system might overflow and cause a lot of damage. Mildred says, "So could I." Robin tells George, "It's all right, you can fix it anytime you like."
Jack comes over to the Amer-Ropers and says that the water in the toilet tank keeps filling up. Stanley says he'd better look at it tonight. Helen begs, "Jack, please, can't it wait till tomorrow? Please!" He says, "Whenever's convenient."
Mildred is going to have a gin & tonic, and says that perhaps George should, too. (We learned on the "beer" episode that drinking makes him randy.)
Jack goes over to the bar. He and a cute blonde smile at each other. He orders a French wine I can't spell, from '67. Jim the bartender says he just sold the last one. So Jack orders a beer, '77. The blonde is amused.
Jack: What's a nice girl like you doing in a a nice place like this without a nice guy like me?
Girl: Waiting patiently.
Jim sets down their drinks as Jack and the girl introduce themselves. Her name is Veronica, and she's played by Jenifer Shaw, who five years later would return as Jack's date Rita on "Maid to Order."
Jack: Well, Veronica, would you like to swing on a star, carry moonbeams home in a jar, or would you rather be a mule? (She giggles.)
Veronica: I love multiple-choice questions.
Amer-Chrissy comes in and says she has to talk to Jack. She apologizes when she realizes he's hitting on a girl. She says, "We can talk about it later, when we get home." So Jack introduces her as his sister, Chrissy. Veronica says, "Oh, of course. I should've noticed the resemblance."
He invites her out for tomorrow, but that's Saturday and she's got a family get-together. She is free Sunday.
After Veronica leaves, Chrissy says that she's very pretty. Jack thanks her, but Chrissy says he had nothing to do with it.
This sequence has no equivalent on MatH, which is not to say Robin might not have a date later. But for now, he goes over to join Jo at the bar. He orders from the barman, Sid (not credited or fully shown).
Robin tells Jo he's just been turfed out. She asks if it's because of Tom, but he says Tom got the elbow. Tonight it's Desmond, who'll get the rest of Chrissy, well, till midnight.
Jack asks Amer-Chrissy what's on her "little, tiny mind." She says Janet kicked her out of the apartment.
Jack: You did it to both of us last night.
Chrissy: Well, two wrongs don't make a right.
Jo suggests the cinema or the all-night laundrette. Robin asks what's showing. She says a bra and dirty underpants.
Robin: I wouldn't turf you two out if I brought a boyfriend back home.
Jo: I think we'd leave without being asked.
Jack thinks they should go home, but Chrissy says Janet won't like it. Jack says, "I don't care. This has been happening too often. You girls come home with a boyfriend and tell me to get lost." As Mr. Roper comes over, Jack asks Chrissy, "How'd you like it if I kept coming home with a boyfriend and told you two to get lost?" Stanley grins. Jack turns and sees him. The audience laughs and claps. Stanley says, "That's telling her! You people got rights, too."
Robin says that after the pub closes, he's going straight home, back to the flat. Jo asks, "What is Chrissy going to say?"
Ketchup: In the next scene, the Brit-trio are eating breakfast, and no one says anything until Chrissy says she doesn't want to talk about how an intimate cup of coffee was ruined when Robin came back and stirred it.
The American girls are in their nightclothes. Janet sets the salt and pepper down loudly after using them on her eggs. She tells Chrissy she doesn't want to talk about it, so when Jack comes in, fully dressed, Chrissy tells him that Janet doesn't want to talk about it. He asks Janet if she's still upset about last night.
As she gradually puts what looks like the entire contents of a ketchup bottle on her eggs, she says, "Upset? Why? You mean because you two broke in right in the middle of a very personal argument between Alex and me? And because you told us to leave the room and settle things in the bedroom, which is where we were having that very personal argument? Me? I'm not upset at all." Chrissy points with her fork at Janet's plate and says, "I'd be upset." Janet looks down and pushes her plate away.
Jack: I've been thinking. You know what's causing our problems?
Janet: An interfering jackass of a roommate?
Jack: That's no way to talk about Chrissy.
Brit-Chrissy says that Robin said he was going to stay out and he didn't. She doesn't like people who tell lies. He says, "That's no way to talk to your brother."
Larry comes in. He smelled the bacon from upstairs. Although annoyed, Jo offers him her seat and some bacon.
Robin says that if anyone wants the flat to themselves, they've got to give the others 24 hours' notice. He asks if they agree, and the others, including Larry, say, "Agreed."
Jack says they need to lay down some ground rules. His roommates agree. Chrissy suggests dividing the night into shifts, like 7 to 9, 9 to 11, 11 to 1. Janet asks what if she likes to spend four hours with a guy, would she have to spread him over two nights?
Jack says a roommate should give the other two 24 hours' notice. They agree. He says no exceptions, no changes.
Robin wants the flat Monday night. The girls simply agree. But when Jack wants the apartment tomorrow night, Amer-Chrissy wants Monday. He's going out with Cheryl on Tuesday. Chrissy's seeing Jerry Wednesday. Jack's seeing the Lowell twins Thursday and Friday.
Janet says she'd like to squeeze in there sometime between now and Christmas. Tonight's free, so she'll watch a Humphrey Bogart movie on the tube. The phone rings and Chrissy goes to answer it.
As Brit-Larry puts ketchup on his bacon, he says, "I don't deserve friends like you." The trio simultaneously say, "Agreed."
Jack, torn between disgust for the way Janet's trying to scrape ketchup off her eggs and pity for her staying home alone, offers to call up Alex and ask him to give her another chance. She thinks this is a stupid idea, so he says, "Is that any way to talk to your brother?"
The American scene continues, but we need to do a couple British scenes first.
Pillow talk: Downstairs, Mildred is making the bed while George trims his moustache. He came to bed late again. He said he was just getting a cup of cocoa, but he took two hours. He says, "You're pretending that pillow's me, aren't you, Mildred?"
She says she's going to leave him someday, unless he bucks his ideas up a bit. He thinks the problem is physical, but she says it's also mental. It's him coming to bed with his socks on, laughing in his sleep, and eating pickled onions last thing at night.
Nurse: Later, Larry and Robin are drinking at the pub. Robin tells Larry that Monday he'll have over Susan, a nurse. Larry is eager and leering. She works round the corner at the ear, nose & throat place. Robin has only taken her out once. He's waiting till his second time to try his luck. Larry says this is risky, since she'll think he's a poofter. Robin says he'll disabuse her on Monday night.
Susan, a pretty brunette played by Wendy Allnutt, comes in, wearing her nurse's cape. Ms. Allnutt was a regular on The Regiment a couple years before this and seems to have worked on television from 1968 (when she was 22) to 1999, mostly in the '70s. Robin introduces Susan to Larry. Larry says he's never been in hospital himself. Robin says it can be arranged.
Susan says they changed her shift to Monday, but she's free tonight. Larry helpfully says of Robin, "He's free." Robin tells him to shut his mouth and leads her to a different part of the pub. He says he'll pick her up at the hospital, and they'll have a meal, a bottle of wine, and then go back to his place for a quick coffee. Larry does a suggestive fist movement.
Mule: Amer-Chrissy comes back to the kitchen and tells Jack the phone is for him. He goes in the living room and asks who's calling. Chrissy says, "Someone who'd rather not be a mule?" She's confused, but he says it's a joke. She's still confused, but leaves the room.
Jack asks Veronica how she got his number. Offscreen, she says the bartender gave it to her. (Hey, it was a different era.) She says the dates for the family get-together got switched, and she's free tonight instead.
When she says something about swinging on a star, his eyes roll up. He tosses and catches the receiver. He tells her, "You've got a date." They'll meet at the Regal Beagle at 6.
After he hangs up, he says, "Why do I lie like that?"
Over in England, Jo is dusting while Chrissy vacuums. Robin comes home and tells them about a fantastic film called Drums over Benghazi. He adlibs badly, but they don't seem to notice. Still, Chrissy was thinking of washing her hair tonight.
He admits he wants to bring a girl back tonight rather than Monday. She says it's not 24 hours' notice, but she'll think about it. After a moment, she says she thought about it and the answer's no. She's staying in tonight. Robin looks at Jo, who laughs.
And we break for adverts.
Over in the U.S., Jack goes back to the kitchen and sweetly apologizes to Janet. He says that if she ever wants to trade nights, she just has to ask. She says, "Tonight's great. I love Humphrey Bogart." When he admits that he wants to trade nights, she exclaims, "Jack, the rules have only been in effect for two minutes!"
As she storms out of the kitchen, she says, "You made your bed, now you lie in it!" He says, "I can't! It's not my night."
And we go to commercial.
Myra: When we come back, the episodes diverge, so I'll talk about the path that MatH takes first. There's a close-up on a table at the pub, with empty glasses. The camera backs out to show George. In the background, we can see Larry, in his Oxford shirt, talking to a plain girl with red hair pulled back into a ponytail. She's played by Veronica Doran, who was on Crossroads at 16 in 1964 and continued doing television for another 36 years. The camera moves further over to Larry and the girl, as he describes a race he supposedly drove in.
Robin and Susan come in, so the camera shifts over to them. She says she thought they were going back to his place for coffee. He says they're just going to have a quick drink.
Robin: What do you fancy?
Susan: I fancy going back to your place.
He says it'll be a very quick drink.
He's goes over to Larry for a quick word. Larry introduces him as Robin, his chief mechanic. Myra shakes hands with Robin, although she's been eating some sort of bacon-flavoured snack. (Hey, at least she has something in common with Larry.)
Referring to Larry's strange taste in women, Robin says, "You've done it again, haven't you?" Annoyed, Larry says, "Yeah, all right, all right!"
Robin asks if Larry is staying in this evening, but he's going to Myra's place. So he agrees to let Robin use his flat, in exchange for a drink. Robin has to not only order a Scotch from Sid, but also a pint of barley wine for Myra.
No means maybe: When 3'sC returns, Janet is dressed for daytime and doing the TV Guide crossword. Chrissy comes home and asks where Jack is. Janet says, "You mean Hot-to-Trot Tripper?" She thinks Jack has a lot of nerve. First he makes up the rules and then he wants to change them.
Janet: Isn't that just like a man?
Chrissy: (nervously) Yeah, a woman would never do anything like that, would she?
Then Chrissy admits that she has a date with Eddie from the office. Janet says Chrissy is in luck. The sound is out on the TV again. She'll go catch a movie and Chrissy can have the apartment to herself.
Then Janet says she hopes Chrissy doesn't have "the same problem I had last week with Bob: he kept looking for a parking place for his hands."
Chrissy: Why can't a guy realize that when a girl says no, she really means no?
Janet: Right.
Chrissy: Except when she means maybe.
They laugh as they set date-rape awareness back a decade. (Even as a child, this exchange bugged me. Admittedly, I was a child who expected the ERA to pass.)
Sandwich amok: In the next American scene, Jim brings Veronica and Jack plates of sandwiches. He asks Jack if he wants this on his tab, too. Jack says yes, he has no cash on him, or anywhere. Then he chuckles and says, "I know him."
She wants to go to Jack's place.
Jack: Oh, this is so embarrassing. If you must know, it's not my night.
Veronica: Well, how do you know if you haven't even tried?
The audience laughs and claps.
He says his sister is entertaining her fiancé.
Veronica: That's too bad.
Jack: Yeah, we don't think much of him either.
He says they can have gobs of fun here. She asks how so he says, "How?" and then delivers the word as an Indian. He demonstrates his do-it-yourself toy. He has her wind up his thumb. Then his hand flails, before wrecking his sandwich. He shoots it with his other hand. She looks a little frightened. The audience applauds.
They've been drinking white wine, so he goes to the bar to get some more.
Shelves: The episodes are about to sync up again. George calls Robin over, as Jack sees Stanley at the bar. When Jack orders two glasses of white wine from Jim, Stanley says, "Thanks, Jack."
Jack explains that one glass is for a friend.
Stanley: Which one is it? The guy with the leather jacket and the matching purse?
Jack: No, he's not my type.
Veronica comes over and puts her hands on Jack's shoulders. She kisses him on the cheek. "Be back in a minute, Honey," she says and presumably goes to the restroom. Stanley stares. Jack slaps himself as if to remove her touch. The audience laughs and claps.
Stanley wonders about this "friend." Jack says they're just pals. Stanley asks, "You two go bowling?" Jack says it's something like that.
Stanley asks, "Does she know you're a--?" He does the Tinkerbell sign. Jack says, "She knows exactly what I am, thank you." He pushes down Mr. Roper's hand.
Jim sets down the wine glasses and Jack takes a sip. Stanley says Jack is lucky he can be pals with women. He doesn't have the same problems a regular man has. Jack asks, "Like what?"
George tells Robin he's sorry he hasn't fixed the toilet system but he has things on his mind. Mildred is a very demanding woman and she keeps on at him to do things.
George/Stanley is uncomfortable talking about this, so Robin/Jack says, "Like putting up a shelf?" George/Stanley seizes this simile.
George: She's never satisfied. It's not as if I've never put up a shelf. I may not put up shelves as often as some husbands do, but I do put up shelves. Sometimes.
Stanley: She's never satisfied I mean, it's not as if I never put up a shelf. I mean, maybe I don't put up as many shelves as some husbands. But, uh, I, I put up shelves.
Jack: (smiling) I'm sure you do.
Stanley: If Helen had her way, I'd be putting up a shelf every night. [Applause. Jack exhales.]
Jack: That's a lot of shelves. (He raises his eyebrows and takes another sip from his glass.)
George says he doesn't know how often is what you'd call normal. Robin says there's not a lot of research on that subject. George says Mildred is waiting for him.
Veronica returns and says, "I'm back," putting her hands on Jack's shoulders again. Removing her arms, he says, "Ever since she gave up smoking, she doesn't know what to do with her hands."
Stanley promises to get to the toilet as soon as possible. He went to go fix it, but nobody was home, and he doesn't like to barge in. Jack is very happy. He takes Veronica's hand and leads her to the doorway.
Jack: Nobody's home. Know what that means?
Veronica: I think so.
Jack: Maybe we could put up a shelf.
Veronica: Huh?
They exit.
Robin acts like he doesn't know what George is talking about, but then he says, "That is awkward. Sorry, Mr. Roper, I've got to go back to, er, put up a shelf." He returns to Susan and tells her to finish her drink and they'll be off. She hasn't got a drink. "Good, we can have one at my place."
After they exit, Larry continues with his story, including the car catching ablaze. Myra says nothing stops him. Looking at her, he agrees. Then George comes over and asks the national average for putting up a shelf.
Foolish: Larry's flat has new scantily clad posters. Robin makes the messy bed and finds red knickers, which he hides in his shirt. He tries to find drinks. Susan says, "Perhaps it's just as well. With all the wine we had with the meal, I might do something foolish if we had any more." This makes him more determined to find the alcohol.
Duty letter: On the middle floor, Brit-Chrissy reads Jo the conclusion of her "duty letter" to her mother. Chrissy needs a stamp, but the machine on the corner just sells milk. (The milk vending machine came up on the second episode, but I'd thought it was something random to get away from Chrissy's mum, since that's how it's used on the 3'sC episode.) Jo gives Chrissy a 10 penny stamp for 18p postage. Jo offers to mail the letter on her way to the cinema, but Chrissy says she'll walk down with her. It's dark out and she doesn't want Jo shoving the letter in the mouth of a Chelsea pensioner.
Larry and Myra are on the landing. He says she might've told him her mum and dad were going to be there. She says they never take their eyes off the telly. He says, "Well, they would've done tonight," and gives her a big hug and kiss.
Jo and Chrissy come out of their flat.
Larry: You going out then?
Jo: Yeah, to the cinema. Bye.
Due to misunderstanding, Larry thinks he can kick Robin out of his flat, since Robin's flat is free. He gives Myra another hug and kiss.
Engine: Robin serves Susan coffee and an unlabeled drink.
Susan: Robin, I hope you don't think I'm easy just because I've come back to your place with you.
Robin: Good Lord, no. I hope you don't think I am, just because I brought you.
As he talks about not minding spending 5 quid, well, 5.50 on her, she undoes his shirt. (The knickers don't fall out.) She says he forgot VAT.
They put their arms around each other and lean back, she on top. But Larry and Myra come in, so Robin and Susan scramble to sit up again.
Larry has a request for Robin: get out. He confidentially tells Robin he just saw Chrissy go out to the pictures with Jo. Robin tells Susan he made a stupid mistake. They've come up one floor too many.
When Larry refers to "her" being downstairs earlier, Robin has to explain "her" away as his sister Chrissy, who's staying with him while she's in London. He and Susan head downstairs.
Now Larry will show Myra how to strip down an engine. They'll pretend she's an engine, with twin wangles. When he tries to "remove the spark plugs," putting his hand on her blouse, she pushes his hand away and says she's a decent girl. He exclaims, "You can't be!"
Sisters: Since Larry isn't in the American episode, they skip all that and jump ahead to the nearest parallel scene. Robin/Jack brings Susan/Veronica to his place. The lights are out on 3'sC, but Robin has to dim them, claiming it's for the goldfish. He also puts on Music to Swim Round and Round and Round to.
Robin asks Susan what she wants to drink. She says she's easy, in the sense of not caring what drink. He goes to get her something.
Veronica asks about the white wine. Jack realizes there's none left in the apartment.
Veronica: It's just as well. If I had another drink, I might do something very foolish.
Jack: I'll find something.
She'll freshen up in the bathroom while he's looking.
Brit-Chrissy comes home and turns on the lights. Robin comes in with a bottle. When Susan says that she knows Chrissy is Robin's sister, Chrissy is surprised. He says, "If I was your brother last night, there's no reason why I shouldn't be your brother tonight, is there?"
She turns off the music and tells Susan that madness runs in the family, mostly in the form of a strange sense of humour. Susan mentions Robin pretending he lives upstairs. Chrissy calls him Bonzo, because he thinks he's a Doberman Pinscher. (Is that a dog's name in England? I associate it more with Bonzo the chimp.)
Amer-Chrissy comes home to the empty living room. She tells her date she had a wonderful time. A hand reaches for her (played by Paul "Jim the Bartender" Ainsley apparently), but she shuts the door.
She takes off her shawl and lets down her blonde hair. She sits on the couch with her back to the kitchen. Like Veronica, she's wearing a red dress, although hers is a turtleneck and Veronica's is lowcut. The audience says oh, as if they know what's coming.
There's a shot from over Jack's shoulder, as he comes back from the kitchen. He smiles and sets down a beer. The audience claps.
He tiptoes over and then jumps onto the couch, yelling, "Surprise!" He lands on Chrissy, who falls onto her back. She screams. The audience claps and squeals.
Veronica returns from the bathroom and turns on the living room light, as Jack climbs off of Chrissy.
Jack: This isn't what you're seeing!
Veronica: With your own sister? I've seen some pretty kinky things, but with your own sister?
Robin says Chrissy should be at the cinema with Jo. When Susan asks about Jo, Chrissy says, "Joe is our brother. He's really an odd one." Jo comes home. She says that Drums over Benghazi finished last night. Seeing blonde Jo in the dress, Susan tells Chrissy, "He is an odd one!" So Robin barks.
Veronica runs toward the door as Janet returns. She asks if this is another sister. Janet says, "Oh, right. Our friends call us Donny & Marie." (The Osmonds' popular variety show was then airing on ABC.) Veronica calls Jack a sickie again and leaves. He yells, "I'm not a sickie! I'm just a liar!"
Since Jack broke his own ground rule, the girls come up with a penalty. Anyone in the apartment when it's not their night, will lose their turn for an entire month. All in favor must raise their hands. Jack raises his hand to object, so Chrissy says it's unaminous. She shakes hands with Janet.
Once: Meanwhile, George staggers into the building and goes into his flat. In the bedroom, Mildred is reading Once Is Not Enough, one of Jacqueline Susann's decadent best-sellers. George comes in, still staggering, and starts to disrobe.
Helen is also in bed, but sleeping. Stanley is gargling in the bathroom. She hits the alarm and wakes up. He turns with a smile and steps forward.
Mildred says, "So you finally decided to come home." He tells her, "I'll be with you in a minute, My Turtledove." Helen asks if Stanley has been doing the books all this time. He says no, he took a little walk and stopped by the Regal Beagle. He got to thinking, he hasn't been putting up enough shelves lately.
Mildred/Helen thinks her husband has had too much to drink. He says he had just enough. Mildred gets her hopes up.
George/Stanley says he has no more little jobs to do, well, one more little job. Helen is delighted and excited. The audience laughs and claps.
George is down to his undershirt and shorts. Stanley undoes his robe and says, "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." There's more laughter and applause. George/Stanley gets into bed.
Mildred cuddles up to George. He tells her he thinks the world of her. She says she knows that.
George: Be gentle with me, Mildred.
Stanley: Be gentle with me, Helen.
Now Stanley and Helen snuggle. Mildred smiles and holds George's head tenderly. She kisses his forehead.
George: You wouldn't really leave me, Mildred?
Mildred: Of course I wouldn't, George.
Unfortunately, the ceiling starts to leak. The kids' toilet tank overflowed. George/Stanley is annoyed but thinks he has to go upstairs and fix it. Mildred/Helen stops him and says, "Let's drown!" Mildred throws George back on the bed and kisses him. Stanley grins and Helen gets on top of him.
And the episodes end on these intimate moments.
Commentary: So let's see, these episodes joke about voyeurism, impotence (as usual), homosexuality (as usual), virgins who seem easy (Brit-Chrissy and Myra, but probably not Susan or Veronica), date-rape, incest, and cross-dressing (or is it a sex change?). These episodes are kinkier than usual, and at moments even sickie. As before, Mildred's reading choice is appropriate.
It's interesting that Jo comes across as more homophobic than Amer-Chrissy, and not just on this episode. She isn't always that way. She was nice to the gay couple at the party on "While the Cat's Away." But Amer-Chrissy never makes little remarks about how bad it would be if Jack were gay. On the other hand, there are moments where Stanley sounds tolerant of gay people, as a change from his usual homophobia, but it's usually just him being amused by Jack's supposed homosexuality.
We never do find out what Alex and Janet quarreled about, and whether it matters if they make up. It seems to be something sexual, but remains private. On the other hand, we learn more about the love lives of the two sets of Ropers. There's more emotion on the British show, with drunk George admitting he thinks the world of Mildred and hopes she won't leave him. In America, it's more a matter of Stanley and Helen finally going to have sex. (I think this is the first time in the six months the show had been on, and who knows how long they went without before that.)
I think the person I feel most sorry for on these two episodes is Veronica. She meets this funny, cute guy in the bar, and then she finds out he's broke and has an idea of fun that includes not only winding up his own hand but jumping his own sister. Even if it had been Veronica on the couch, that wouldn't have been much of a seduction technique. She'd more likely be startled than turned on.
This is one of those episodes where Jack is pretty rude to Chrissy, this time saying she has a little, tiny mind and acting like she's the jackass roommate. And he treats Janet and Veronica pretty badly. He is sympathetic to Mr. Roper though. Robin comes across a bit better. As for Brit-Larry, he remains sleazy towards his dates.
As a kid, I really liked the absurdity of "two miles tall." And I first heard of the Bing Crosby song "Swinging on a Star" through this show. Also, my ex-husband and I would say, "That's a lot of shelves," as an in-joke. So despite some of the unpleasantness of "Ground Rules," I do have pleasant associations with it.
"Jack Looks for a Job" aired next, followed by two episodes that weren't inspired by MatH. It's hard to picture Brit-Chrissy or Jo, with all their confidence about their looks, contemplating breast implants like Janet does in "Janet's Promotion," and the whole point of "Strange Bedfellows" is that Jack and Mr. Roper wake up in bed together, which wouldn't work with Mr. Roper knowing Robin is straight.
Then came "Chrissy's Date" and "Alone Together," both memorable conversions, the former involving roommates coming back to the apartment earlier than expected. After them was "Roper's Car," which could well have been a British plot but wasn't. "Cyrano de Tripper" I discussed earlier. And then was "Chrissy's Night Out" where a cop mistakes Chrissy for a hooker, which is difficult to imagine happening to Brit-Chrissy or Jo. "Stanley Casanova" might've worked for George, since he, too, tries to convince Mrs. Roper other women find him attractive.
"Janet's High School Sweetheart" is another plot based on Janet's insecurities, so no British equivalent there. "Jack's Uncle" writing him a bad check actually might've worked for Robin. "Helen's Job" might've worked for Mildred. I've covered "Three's Christmas." "The Gift," where Chrissy thinks Mrs. Roper's new coat is her own, could've been a British episode.
I'm not sure about "The Rivals," where Janet and Chrissy are interested in the same guy. The Brit-Chrissy & Jo dynamic is so different, and again this is an episode where Janet feels unattractive. I've discussed "The Baby Sitters" and "Home Movies." "Jack in the Flower Shop" of course couldn't have happened to Robin, since Brit-Chrissy and Jo are both secretaries and probably couldn't hire Robin. "Jack's Navy Pal" is one of the worst 3'sC episodes (seriously, it will make you want to break something), and I'm glad there's no British counterpart.
I've already covered "Will the Real Jack Tripper" and "Days of Beers and Weeds." "Chrissy Come Home" wouldn't have worked for Brit-Chrissy because her father isn't as protective as Amer-Chrissy's minister dad.
And that takes us up to the penultimate episode of the second season, which I will cover next....
Monday, June 27, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Encyclopedic
Wow, the Yanks really transformed MatH29! Specifically, the producers Nicholl, Ross, and West, who again wrote an episode based on a British episode, took the basic premise of "A Little Knowledge" and added a whole other scenario inside it, even if they again chose a bland title, in this case "Jack Looks for a Job." The MatH episode appeared 18 September 1975, although we'll soon find out it's set a bit earlier. 3'sC8 aired close to two years later, on Sept. 20th, 1977, and landed at #6 in the ratings.
Thyme: We open on the cooking students in the kitchen, Robin in his naughty apron and singing, "Parsley, sage, rosemary, and dash of lemon juice." George walks in on Robin saying, "Just a little squirt," meaning the lemon juice. Stanley also comes in without knocking, startling Jack. He tells Jack that the front door is open, and any undesirable could walk right in. Jack says, "You're absolutely right."
When homophobic Stanley hears that Jack is alone, he says maybe they'd better leave the door open. So Jack moves closer.
George/Stanley came up to get some tins/cans of Carter's Baked Beans. He wants three labels for a contest. First prize is a fortnight in Barbados/ two weeks in Hawaii. It's not just the labels, you've got to do a bit more than that.
Robin: Listen, three tins of beans and you won't be able to stop yourself.
Jack: Three cans and you probably will.
Jack and Stanley have moved into the living room, so Jack tells Stanley to feel free to look in the kitchen for Carter's.
The girls come home, Janet carrying flowers, presumably from her shop. The Chrissys ask, "What's that smell?" Robin/Jack says Mr. Roper's here, which makes more sense as a joke on 3'sC because Mr. Roper isn't in the room, so, one, the girls wouldn't know he's around, and two, it seems less harsh to insult him behind his back than to his face.
The smell they refer to is actually Robin/Jack cooking something expensive again. After George leaves because of the lack of beans, Brit-Chrissy sees veal and chicken in Robin's dish. She asks, "Why not go whole hog, Krugerrands and chips?" (The South African gold coin was fairly new then, having been introduced in 1967.) There's also brandy in the food, but Robin says it's not his fault they sold him a drunken chicken.
We find out that Robin's on holiday from school, which is why he has more time to cook fancy meals. He threatens to throw this food away, and the girls, Chrissy especially, dare him to, but he can't bring himself to.
They all sit down and he claims that the vegetable dish contains soy and the white wine is a cheap brand called Chateau Rubbish. Chrissy says their grocery bill was 16 pounds last week, and they can't go on like this with only two of them bringing in money.
The scene ends there, but 3'sC spells it out more. Janet says, "You know we can't afford that kind of food every night." Chrissy says especially with one of them not working. Jack says they all know who she means, so why not just say it? So she says it's him, and he says he's hurt and she has a mean streak.
There's more, but we can't get into it just yet.
Abu Dhabi: There's a close-up on the want ads and then it backs out to show Robin reading them. Brit-Chrissy is also checking and she finds a listing, but it's in Abu Dhabi. He says that would cost too much in bus fares.
He wants a temporary, holiday job, like snow-shifting. She says, "In the middle of August?" He says there'd be no competition. OK, if this is the middle of August, then that probably pushes Chrissy's birthday back to July.
Chrissy suggests that he be a postman, since it's better than walking the streets.
His student grant ran out at the end of the month. She says it was supposed to last four months. He says, "Don't remind me."
Jo comes in and sits next to Robin on the settee. She asks, "Seen anything worth going for yet?" He says, "Not yet, but if you'd like to lean a little bit more forward." She's wearing a lowcut dress and we get a glimpse of her bra. She tells him to stop that and he's got to get some money. "Oh, I see, you're that kind of girl."
Chrissy finds an ad for a job at International Educational Services, where a young man can earn up to 100 pounds a week. (Apparently in the '70s, you could still have gender-specific want ads, although feminists were starting to challenge that.) Robin rings them up, although Jo doesn't think he should looking like that, unshaven and in his dressing gown. Chrissy suggests he make his voice sound neat and tidy. So he says in a low-class accent, "Hello, Guv, I'm scruffy and in my dressing gown," though he shifts into a posh voice when they actually pick up.
We don't find out till a few scenes later that the job is for an encyclopedia salesman, but in America the ad is more direct. Jack says he's been looking at want ads all day. Janet sees lots of part-time listings but Jack says none of them fit into his school hours. (If I remember correctly, his classes are mostly in the morning.) Then Janet sees the one for an encyclopedia salesman.
Jack says he couldn't sell door to door, all those women saying no. He couldn't take that kind of rejection. Chrissy says, "I don't see why not. You've had enough practice here with us."
Then Janet sees an ad for male models, $10/hour. They want someone tall, young, good-looking. Jack feigns modesty and says they wouldn't want him. Chrissy says he's tall and young. He waits. Then Janet says, "Maybe they won't notice." Jack pouts.
Cucumbers: Downstairs, Mildred reads aloud from a magazine called Woman, while Helen reads an unknown magazine. The magazines advise putting a slice of cucumber over each eyelid and then relaxing for 20 minutes. They lie down with slices over their eyes.
George/Stanley comes home and is surprised by the cucumbers. He takes one slice off his wife's face. She says it's for wrinkles round the eyes. He says it's working, she's got quite a few/a gang of them there. Then he eats the slice. On 3'sC, this becomes the moment for Stanley playing to the audience, and they respond with applause of course.
George tells Mildred about the fortnight in Barbados, in a four-star hotel with a swimming pool and a balcony overlooking the sea. She's surprised by Barbados, since they usually go to Skegness (the town that Chrissy and Ian joked about losing their virginity in back in the '30s). He adds that there will be dancing every night, and they'll have their own private beach.
Then he tells her about the contest with ten easy questions, a slogan, and three Carter's labels. He got the entry form and labels at Tesco's, the latter sort of accidentally peeling off as he was passing. Stanley doesn't do a build up. He just tells Helen about the contest and how he "accidentally" got the labels at the supermarket.
Mildred/Helen says her husband never wins anything. George says he did the contest "Find the Eyes of TV Personalities." She says he got Marty Feldman wrong. He thinks the eyes looked like Amy Turtle (a Crossroads character who wore glasses).
[Gratuitous video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3vtk7hd2XI&feature=related ]
Stanley: Couldn't for once you say, "This time he's gonna do it!"
Helen: Oh, I say that a lot.
George hesitates after reading that he has to put his name and address, so Mildred says that if he can't get that one right, what chance does he have at the other nine?
The scene ends there, while 3'sC continues with things from the next Ropers' scene. (If you haven't noticed by now, MatH tends to chop things up more, going back and forth more frequently between up and downstairs.) So let's head back to the upstairs flat for a bit.
Sideways: In the kitchen, Chrissy is ironing Robin's trousers, while Jo is polishing his suede shoes. (No, they're not blue.) He comes in wearing briefs and a shirt. His razor just stopped, on the day the warranty ran out. Jo says he can't go to the interview half shaved. Chrissy says he should walk in sideways, and keep in profile. Both girls laugh.
Neither of them has a razor. Chrissy suggests tweezers. He says that by the time he plucks this half, the other half will have grown back in. He wants to cancel his interview, but she says she'll borrow a razor from the Ropers.
Slogans: Back downstairs, George/Stanley wonders what the capital of Ecuador is. George pronounces it as "Ec-u-a-dor," and at first I thought this was the British pronunciation, ala "Nic-a-ra-gu-a." But Robin later pronounces the name with just three syllables. From the settee/couch, where she's got cucumbers on her face again, Mrs. Roper says it's a country.
Even with her eyes covered, Mildred knows when George picks his nose, since he's "always" picking his nose. (We first heard about his filthy habit on the previous episode, when he was talking about playing the piano.)
George/Stanley decides to skip the questions for now and just work on the slogan.
George: Baked beans make delicious starters
Join the happy band of--
Mildred: George!
George: Carter's.
Stanley goes patriotic rather than scatalogical, with "Carter's Beans for the red, white, and blue. If they're good enough for the Army, they're good enough for you." Then he salutes.
Someone's at the door, and Mr. Roper has his wife answer it. Mildred calls George a lazy hound. Helen says that if they ran a lazy slob contest, Stanley would win easy.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet wants to borrow a razor. Mildred says John Benjamin has one, meaning George. (I can't place the reference, sorry.) George/Stanley asks if it's for her legs. Brit-Chrissy/Janet says no, it's for Robin/Jack. So Stanley says, "Jack's legs?"
Brit-Chrissy says Robin/Jack was using his electric razor and got halfway through when it quit on him. Mrs. Roper says, "Story of my life."
The razor is in the kitchen, because Mrs. Roper was slicing cucumbers with it. Her husband goes to get it, although Stanley first makes strangling gestures behind her back.
The 3'sC scene ends there, but MatH continues with Chrissy saying that Robin would've come down himself, but he's got no trousers on. Sounding titillated and amused, Mildred says, "Silly boy. I mean, after all, we're all friends here."
Chrissy says Robin has a job interview and he'd better shave first. Mildred says, "And he'd better put his trousers on and all."
George returns with the razor, which he says has turned green. It's a straight razor, so Chrissy looks wary.
Close shave: Upstairs, Amer-Chrissy is ironing Jack's slacks while he's in his shirt and shorts. Janet returns with a straight razor, so Jack says he wants to shave, not commit suicide. Chrissy says she'll shave him.
Jo lathers up Robin's face as Chrissy strops the razor. Robin would rather shave himself.
Robin/Jack says the Chrissys might cut his ear off. The Chrissys would say they're sorry. But Robin/Jack says he wouldn't hear them. The Chrissys used to shave their grandfather. Jo/Janet says, "The one without a nose?" The girls are very amused.
Brit-Chrissy approaches Robin with a shaky hand, teasing him. He tells her to stop mucking about, but she doesn't. He runs away. Jack says, "Forget it, I'll go macho," but Janet stops him from leaving.
Jo has a balloon, a gift from a rich admirer. Amer-Chrissy finds a balloon left over from "the party." (At this point, their most recent party was Eleanor's wedding reception.)
Robin: You don't think you're gonna calm me down by giving me a balloon, do you?
Jack: You're not gonna bribe with a balloon, are you?
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says that this is the way they train barbers, starting off by shaving balloons. Robin/Jack says the balloon doesn't need a shave. Janet/Jo lathers it up. Robin/Jack says the balloon doesn't have high/interesting cheekbones or a firm yet sensitive chin.
Jo: No, and it doesn't look terrified either. Now hold it still!
Janet: Neither do you.
Brit-Chrissy says this will prove that she has a gentle touch with a cutthroat (meaning the razor). Amer-Chrissy says to watch and see the delicate little touch she has. The balloons of course pop. In America, the shaving cream gets on all three of them, while in England it's just Robin and Chrissy, so Jo laughs. Robin glares at Chrissy, who looks apologetic.
In England, they're already ready for adverts, but 3'sC is about to take an unexpected turn.
Living Love: The modeling studio has a bed prominently featured, and then we see a girl in skimpy outfit of a yellow halter top and a blue miniskirt. She's brushing her hair.
The photographer is listed in the credits as Harvey and is played by Bill Fiore, who mostly did '70s sitcoms, from Mary Tyler Moore to Alice, although he did pop up twice on Law & Order. Harvey wonders where "Freddy" is. They're going to start a new series called Bedroom Playground and they'll be doing a centerfold. The girl says she hasn't done one in ages. He says it's not for her, it's for Freddy.
Girl: How come the guys are getting all the centerfolds?
Harvey: Equal rights.
She wants to put on her black fishnets and lace garter belt. He says for this layout, she should just wear her dimples. She complains that she has a head cold. He tells her to wear a wig. She playfully hits him with her brush, then goes to a cubicle to change, undoing her top on the way, so that we can see her white bra.
Jack comes in and immediately apologizes for having no experience, but he says he'll work hard.
Harvey: What's your name?
Jack: Jack Tripper.
Harvey: You've got the job.
Harvey asks if Jack is in good shape. Jack says he has a 42" chest and a 31" waist.
Harvey: What about the rest of you?
Jack: Fantastic.
The audience squeals and claps.
Harvey tells him to take off his clothes.
Jack: (surprised) Are we modeling bathing suits?
Harvey: No, birthday suits.
The audience squeals and claps again.
Jack says he thought he was supposed to model clothes. Harvey asks, "Do you want the job or not?" Jack says he doesn't want to pose naked. Offended, Harvey corrects him, "Not naked! Nude!" Jack asks the difference, and Harvey says naked is dirty, while nude is art.
Harvey says the magazine is called Living Love.
Harvey: You've heard of Playboy?
Jack: Yeah, sure.
Harvey: Now you've heard of Living Love.
Harvey asks if Jack is ashamed of his body. Jack says no but he has certain principles. Harvey asks if Jack came here to debate or to make ten bucks an hour. Jack asks, "Where do I get undressed?" and takes off his jacket.
He walks in on the female model. We can see her naked legs in a seated position. Then we see the back of her head. Jack is very embarrassed and tries to apologize.
Harvey tells him to use the empty cubicle.
Jack: Well, see you.
Girl: You just did.
The audience applauds.
Harvey says that was Sally. She's played by Sally Kirkland, who was the first nude actress in equity theater, in 1968. Although we don't actually see much of Sally-the-model, apparently the scene was filmed with her at least partially naked. Sally-the-actress was 35 at the time of this episode, and now at almost 70 has many stage and screen credits ranging from the 1960s to several not-yet-released films.
Harvey tells her that they'll be using Jack instead of Freddy. Over the cubicle wall, Sally and Jack call each other cute. He tells her she can go first. She says, "We're posing together, silly." Jack runs out of the cubicle with his slacks and shoes in his hands. He slides across the floor and Harvey catches him.
Jack: What about my family? My friends?
Harvey: No, I only want you and the girl.
The audience loves this.
Jack worries about his family and friends seeing him. Harvey says that the way he uses light and shadow, nobody will see Jack's face. He shows Jack a shot he took yesterday. Jack's jaw drops. He counts four people in the picture. Harvey says it's five. Jack's pants drop.
And that's where the cliffhanger goes.
IES: And what of young Robin? When they return from adverts, we see Robin in a suit, with cuts on the right side of his face. He's walking along the street. He goes into a building with a revolving door. After a pause, he emerges with the doorman, who points him to the right address.
We next see him on a more rundown street. He comes to a door with a handlettered sign, "International Edducational [sic] Services First Floor." He looks dubious but decides to try. He steps on a rubbish bin lid. He sets it on the bin and then goes in the building.
Then there's a messy office. Robin knocks and a man tells him to come in. Robin introduces himself as Mr. Tripp, arriving for his twelve o'clock appointment. The man tells him to pull up a tea chest and make himself comfortable.
The man introduces himself as Morris Morris. "I think my parents weally wanted a duplicating machine." He has a slight speech impediment, with soft R's, although not to Fudd level. He's played by Peter Jones, then 55, who a few years later would get his most famous role, as "The Book" in radio/television/LP adaptations of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
MM says that IES is just starting up in this country. The parent company in Toledo, Ohio, glass capital of the Midwest, intends to make this office the focal point of their entire European sales drive, "when we get some chairs in." He talks about educational needs, until Robin guesses it's flogging encyclopedias door to door.
MM asks if Robin has a tea bag. Since Robin doesn't, MM will reuse the one he's got. MM says that IES is held in great respect, throughout Toledo, Ohio. (Toledo is one of those mildly laugh-getting towns-- Klinger on M*A*S*H* was from there-- but it is surprising to see it referenced on such a British show, like if Spike Milligan started making "I'd rather be in Philadelphia" cracks.) Then MM asks if Robin has milk in his pocket. (Robin does not say, "No, I'm just happy to see you.")
Trying to talk the jargon, Robin says he doesn't think he'd be good at disseminating knowledge door to door.
Morris: Piece of cake.
Robin: Sorry, I haven't got one.
MM shows him a form and says that for each sale, Robin would get 25 pounds commission. He has Robin hold it with his thumbs covering the true hire purchase price. Robin asks if this isn't dishonest. MM says it's shrewd psychology.
He gives Robin the complete sales kit. He says that during the first week, his assistant will accompany Robin on calls. Then MM admits he's his own assistant, until IES expands its sales force.
He'll call for Robin tomorrow at four. When Robin points out that'll be Sunday, MM says that all the punters (not very flattering term for "customers") will be at home, the great advantage of a godless society. He wants Robin to learn the saleman's manual word for word.
Seventeen months: When 3'sC returns from commercial, Janet is doing paperwork in the living room, presumably for the flower shop. Jack comes home and she asks him how the modeling job went. He says, "Terrific, I'm selling encyclopedias."
She asks what happened. He says they wanted him to pose naked, uh, nude.
Jack: They wanted me to take all my clothes off. Can you imagine?
Janet: Aw, poor baby, they took one look and turned you down. (He gives her a look acknowledging the insult.)
Jack: No, I never gave them the chance. I walked out on 'em. How would you like to open up one of those kinky sex magazines and see me lying there?
Janet: I don't know. I think you'd look pretty cute with a staple through your navel.
He says he can make more money selling encyclopedias. When she asks about the rejection, he says there won't be any, not with Morris Morris's selling formula.
When she repeats, "Morris Morris?", he says that's the sales manager. She says MM sounds like he ought to be selling ditto machines. He says MM is a real nice guy. Jack's first week, MM will go around with him and break him in. And for every $300 set of encyclopedias, Jack will get a $50 commission.
On MatH, there's a close-up of Robin reading the manual, then we see that Chrissy is looking at the other paperwork. He says that he would greet the potential customer with "Good afternoon, Madam." She asks what he'd say if it's morning, or a man answers the door. He says provisions have been made, and he'd substitute "morning" and "Sir."
The episodes sync up more from this point out. Robin/Jack wants Brit-Chrissy/Janet to pretend to be a potential customer. So they all stand up and Robin/Jack draws the door in the air. He knocks. She looks through the peekhole, since this is a rough area/neighborhood, Janet slipping into her slight New York accent she gets sometimes on early episodes.
Robin greets Chrissy with "Good morning stroke afternoon, Madam stroke Sir." But she hasn't opened the door yet. He says he's conducting an educational survey and asks if she has any children. She says, "How dare you? I'm not even married! Who's been spreading these filthy rumours? I'll sue!"
Robin/Jack tells Chrissy/Janet he's inside now. He remarks on her lovely three-piece suite/living room set. She's puzzled.
Robin: The manual tells you what to say, word for word, for every occasion.
Jack: The manual tells you what to say, step by step, in every occasion.
Chrissy/Janet says, "Really?", Chrissy in particular looking mischievous.
Chrissy/Janet has Robin/Jack sit down. She sits very close. As Robin does his spiel, Chrissy puts one hand on his knee, the other on his shoulder, and snuggles up. Chrissy/Janet exclaims, "My husband's been away at sea for 17 months!", Janet throwing her arms around Jack. Janet kisses Jack's cheek many times. He and Robin try to continue.
Chrissy/Janet cries that she's so lonely. And she starts blowing in Robin/Jack's ear. He looks turned on but is still trying to continue.
Chrissy/Janet, "I thought your manual was supposed to cover every situation." Robin/Jack pretends to look it up, Jack saying it's under ear-blowing. Then Robin yells and tosses the manual aside, flings his arms around Chrissy and his legs over her lap. Jack throws Janet back on the couch and straddles her. But he tickles her. The American audience is particularly delighted, and there are squeals and laughter again. Both Janet and Brit-Chrissy laugh, but Brit-Chrissy hits Robin and tells him to get off.
Jo/Amer-Chrissy comes home and asks what Robin/Jack is doing. He says, "I'm selling her a set of encyclopedias." The American audience applauds. Jo says that's obvious now that he's explained it. Brit-Chrissy pushes Robin away, but Jack stays on Janet. He asks if she's OK, and when she says yes, he says, "Good," but tickles her some more.
On 3'sC, the doorbell rings, so Jack goes towards the door. Robin/Jack says he needs to practice on somebody. Jo/Amer-Chrissy says, "Practice on me, it looks like fun." However, the delivery is very different on the two shows. Amer-Chrissy says it leaning back on the couch, and he says, "Oh, I'd love to!", with his hands reaching for her. She pushes him away.
Jo says it calmly, as she says most things. And Robin does practice on her, in the less fun way. He indicates the invisible door, with no peekholes. He knocks.
Robin: Good afternoon, Madam.
Jo: Good afternoon. A set of encyclopedias please.
Robin: What?
Jo: No, you'd better make it two sets, just in case I lose one.
Robin: No, Jo, it doesn't work like that.
George knocks and Robin answers, as Jack answers his door, both of them saying they need a real customer. When the American audience sees Stanley, they laugh, as if they know where this is going. George/Stanley wants to know the capital of Ecuador. Robin says that Istanbul used to be Constantinople, if that's any help, and the modern audience thinks of They Might Be Giants.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet offers to look up the capital in the encyclopedia. George says he tried the A to Zed (Guide to London). Robin says that Ecuador is a little further west than Hounslow. Stanley says he used to be good at geography, till new countries started popping up every day.
Janet just says that the capital is Quito, but Brit-Chrissy and then Robin read out a bunch of facts about Ecuador. As George/Stanley leaves, he says that that's a very useful book and he wouldn't mind having one of those. Jack says, "Yeah, it came in handy, didn't it?"
Robin/Jack says, "Now where was I?" Jo/Amer-Chrissy says that he was saying he needs a real customer. Robin/Jack realizes, Jack exclaiming, "Roper!" Jack thinks Roper can be his first customer, and "Ladies, tonight we eat in style."
Sumatran: Downstairs, George says they'll have the fortnight in Barbados as soon as he posts his entry, while Stanley expects two weeks in Hawaii as soon as he mails his. Mildred says that he's wasting the stamp. He got at least one answer wrong. John Wilkes Booth assassinated Lincoln; he didn't found the Salvation Army. George says Booth might've done afterwards, and asks who did. She says probably Amy Turtle. (It was founded by William and Catherine Booth.) Helen is cruder, telling Stanley, as he's sealing the envelope, that he's wasting his spit and he'll never win.
George goes out to post the entry, and then Robin comes downstairs with the sales materials. Jack comes by as Stanley opens the door. Stanley says, "I'll be right back. Talk to Mrs. Roper."
Robin knocks and Mildred answers.
Robin: Good afternoon, Madam, er, Mrs. Roper. I'm conducting an educational survey.
Mildred: You'd better come in then.
Jack and Helen have their equivalent exchange with him in the doorway and her on the couch. He and Robin step in.
Robin asks if Mildred has any children. She looks at him. He says sorry.
Robin/Jack compliments Mildred/Helen's lovely three-piece suite/ living room set. She says it's two-piece and it's horrible.
Jack sits down on the couch next to Helen. Robin and Mildred sit on the settee together, and she puts her arm behind his shoulder. Robin/Jack asks Mildred/Helen if she's ever wished she was more informed about epidemiology. Mildred says, "No, Love." Robin says she's supposed to say yes.
Mildred/Helen realizes Robin/Jack is selling encyclopedias, Helen tapping his book. He says he's not supposed to say so.
Robin/Jack turns to the Sumatran elephant, "a fascinating creature. It's not generally known but it only mates once a year." Mildred/Helen says, "I know how it feels." The American audience squeals.
George/Stanley returns. He caught the four o'clock post/mail.
Mildred: Come in, Jumbo.
Helen: That's nice, Jumbo.
When Mr. Roper questions the new nickname, his wife tells him that Robin/Jack is selling encyclopedias.
Robin says that the set could be George's for the price of 80 cigarettes a day, George says he doesn't smoke 80 cigarettes a day. (Who does?) Mildred says he could force himself, then give it up and get the books for nothing, which sounds like Jo-logic.
His wife?: Speaking of Jo-logic, when Brit-Chrissy says that at 25-pound commission per set, they can all eat again, Jo says, "Then maybe we should buy a set from him." Chrissy shakes her head and goes to the kitchen.
3'sC does its usual thing of clumping the scenes together rather than going back and forth, so they continue with Jack and the Ropers, but I'll jump back upstairs to the American trio's apartment to make these more parallel.
Janet has an encyclopedia open in front of her face while she's slouched on the couch, so we can't see her expression when she says that one set of encyclopedias means a $50 commission and they can really eat. When Amer-Chrissy suggests buying a set from Jack, Janet shuts the book and goes to make herself a cup of tea while she figures that out.
Someone knocks/rings, so Jo/Amer-Chrissy answers the door. The man introduces himself as Morris Morris, so she says, "Hello hello?" In America, he's played by John Fiedler, who was a mousy little guy, then best known either for his recurring role as Dr. Hartley's patient Mr. Peterson on The Bob Newhart Show or for the voice of Piglet in several adaptations of Winnie the Pooh. In fact, he did a couple Winnie movies the year of his death, 2005. He was 52 at the time of this episode and had played a juror in 12 Angry Men (1957).
MM wants to speak to Mr. Tripp/Tripper and asks if she's his "good lady wife," or simply "wife" in America. She says no but he'll be back soon.
He admires the encyclopedias, so she runs into the kitchen and tells Brit-Chrissy/Janet that there's a man asking about the encyclopedias and he must be a customer. Janet says they need to keep him here till Jack gets back.
While Jo makes a cup of tea, Brit-Chrissy goes into the lounge. Both American girls return to the living room. MM asks if Brit-Chrissy/Janet is Mrs. Tripp/Tripper. When she says no, he chuckles and says, "Well," like "I'm tolerant of these modern arrangements."
The Morrises, the Chrissys, and Janet admire the encyclopedias, with their hand-tooled leatherette, with edged genuine imitation goldleaf. ("Genuine imitation" doesn't even get a laugh.) They're full of information, fully indexed in a separate volume, and comprehensively illustrated throughout. They're a constant source of pleasure and profit in any home.
Brit-Chrissy: (confused) Yes, indeed.
Morris: (confused) Yes, indeed.
Anatomy: Back downstairs, Robin is now sitting on the settee between the Ropers. He tells them that the encyclopedias are a constant source of pleasure and profit in any home.
Stanley sits on Jack's other side, so Robin/Jack shows George/Stanley the anatomy of the human male in full colo(u)r. Mildred/Helen finds this very interesting, and Helen even takes the book away. Mildred/Helen says that George/Stanley "doesn't have one of those anymore." The American audience laughs loudly, squeals, and applauds. Mrs. Roper is talking about her husband's appendix.
Robin/Jack shows George/Stanley the anatomy of the human female, in full
colo(u)r. When Robin/Jack flips over to flora & fauna, George/Stanley flips back to female anatomy. He asks Robin/Jack how much the encyclopedias cost. Jack grins.
Untrained: Brit-Morris is now on the settee and Brit-Chrissy hands him the tea that Jo made. The girls talk about the easy payment plan. The confusion is cleared up on both shows. The Morrises say that they'll be making the rounds with Robin/Jack because some of the forms are very complicated. Brit-Morris puts seven lumps of sugar in his tea. When Janet says, "You must be Morris Morris," Amer-Chrissy says, "Janet, how'd you do that?"
Brit-Chrissy/Janet tells the Morrises that Robin/Jack is downstairs selling a set by himself. The Morrises are worried since Robin/Jack is untrained.
Congratulations: Robin/Jack has George/Stanley fill out the forms, but they're indeed complex, and he's not quite sure what he's doing. The Morrises knock/ring and Mrs. Roper answers. Amer-Morris is accompanied by the girls. The Morrises would like a word with Mr. Tripp/Tripper. Then the Morrises exclaim over the lovely three-piece suite/ living room set.
Robin says that a first sale has just been made. Jack says, "Mr. Morris, I just made my first sale." Amer-Chrissy looks particularly happy. The Morrises check the signatures.
Brit-Morris: (to Robin) Congwatulations! You'we the pwoud owneh of a set of IES encyclopedias. (to George) And you qualify for the 25-pound commission.
Amer-Morris: (to Jack) Congratulations! You just bought yourself a set of encyclopedias. (to Stanley) And you, Sir, qualify for the $50 commission.
George is very happy. Mildred, in the background, looks confused and upset, Robin just confused. The episode ends there.
Everyone on 3'sC is confused, except for Stanley, who's of course happy. Jack wants out of this but MM says that a contract is a contract. Jack says he made the sale and he wants Mr. Roper to switch signatures, but Mr. Roper doesn't want to lose the $50. Jack tears up the contract. MM looks shocked and then disapproving.
Pizza Paradise: For the 3'sC tag (one that did survive syndication intact), the girls are looking at some papers together. Jack comes home. He turned in his encyclopedia case. "Another day of Morris Morris and I would've gone mad mad."
He got a part-time job as a waiter at the Pizza Paradise. Chrissy gets to her feet and says she thinks he should've stuck to modeling. A girl at the office had a copy of Living Love. She holds the magazine up. It looks like there's a nude woman on the cover, but the details aren't clear. (The woman might have a red bikini.) We can also see a bit of the nudes inside.
Chrissy thinks Jack looks terrific. She shows the centerfold to Janet. Jack says that's not him and he never posed.
Chrissy says that the face is a bit shadowy, but she would know those feet anywhere. He says those aren't his feet. They continue with knees and waist.
Chrissy: (pointing) And that!
Jack: Chrissy! (Laughter and applause.)
Chrissy: Hairy chest, Jack.
Jack: Those are not my hairs!
Janet: You don't have to hide it from us.
Chrissy: Not anymore.
Jack grabs the magazine and tries to play keepaway on the middle of the couch while they're at either end. And the episode ends there.
Commentary: Watching 3'sC as a child, it always felt like a peek into a familiar but slightly exotic world. First it was the "adult" naughtiness, and then it was the increasingly distant 1970sishness. This is particularly true of the second season, when the show was arguably at its most daring. Seeing how many of that season's plots were lifted from MatH, I expected that this episode would owe its spiciness to its British sister, but lo and behold, there's not a trace of Living Love on "A Little Knowledge"!
John Ritter was an interesting sex symbol in that, while indeed tall, young, and good-looking, he was also very much the boy-next-door type. I had a crush on him-- and was hit really hard by his death in 2003, even though I hadn't followed his career much in recent years-- but I think that had as much to do with Jack Tripper's playful personality. Come and Knock on Our Door goes into John/Jack's appeal, not just sex appeal, for a wide range of fans, but here I'll just note that we have to believe that one, Jack has certain principles he tries to hold to, and two, he's going to be tempted by the money and the flattery that modeling naked, sorry, nude offer. Jack is an odd mix of conceit and modesty, which can be both annoying and endearing, so it's no wonder his roomies playfully insult him so much.
The porn subplot is probably the best example of 3'sC with its most innocent naughtiness, naughtiest innocence. This is a world before smut on the Internet, even before "adult video" for the home, on cable and VHS. "Kinky" does not necessarily have the BDSM connotations it almost inevitably would have later. A simple orgy of four or five people can be kinky. Jack is "only" asked to pose with Sally. And yet, this is a sitcom that aired in primetime, that went into syndication for viewing in after-school hours. Some things were cut out from the series, but you couldn't cut this subplot without leaving big holes in the middle and end.
The subplot is also very funny. Bill Fiore is a scene-stealer, even though he underplays everything, except when someone says the word "naked." His delivery is right on and he plays wonderfully off of Jack's nervousness. Sally Kirkland is good, too, and I could almost see this as a spin-off in some kinky parallel universe.
Peter Jones's performance is less memorable, but has its moments, like the "godless society" line and the seven lumps of sugar. He of course has more to do than John Fiedler, due to the structures of the episodes.
The other thing I always treasured this episode for was what it does with the JJST. Janet, as Jack's practice customer, comes on to him more than in any episode I can think of, and he responds, even if it's in a teasing way. I'm surprised they didn't do the Brit-Chrissy --> Amer-Chrissy conversion, but it plays better with the savvier roommate giving him a situation he's not ready for. It's also friskier than Brit-Chrissy usually gets, although it seems like good preparation for Mildred, who's getting flirtier than ever with Robin this season.
There is some flirting between Amer-Chrissy and Jack, not to mention Robin peering down Jo's top. Jo doesn't have very much to do in this episode, but her moment as a pretend customer is cute.
And somewhere I have a Three's Company trading card with the "couch keepaway" on it, picked up in a thrift store for a buck a few years ago.
Thyme: We open on the cooking students in the kitchen, Robin in his naughty apron and singing, "Parsley, sage, rosemary, and dash of lemon juice." George walks in on Robin saying, "Just a little squirt," meaning the lemon juice. Stanley also comes in without knocking, startling Jack. He tells Jack that the front door is open, and any undesirable could walk right in. Jack says, "You're absolutely right."
When homophobic Stanley hears that Jack is alone, he says maybe they'd better leave the door open. So Jack moves closer.
George/Stanley came up to get some tins/cans of Carter's Baked Beans. He wants three labels for a contest. First prize is a fortnight in Barbados/ two weeks in Hawaii. It's not just the labels, you've got to do a bit more than that.
Robin: Listen, three tins of beans and you won't be able to stop yourself.
Jack: Three cans and you probably will.
Jack and Stanley have moved into the living room, so Jack tells Stanley to feel free to look in the kitchen for Carter's.
The girls come home, Janet carrying flowers, presumably from her shop. The Chrissys ask, "What's that smell?" Robin/Jack says Mr. Roper's here, which makes more sense as a joke on 3'sC because Mr. Roper isn't in the room, so, one, the girls wouldn't know he's around, and two, it seems less harsh to insult him behind his back than to his face.
The smell they refer to is actually Robin/Jack cooking something expensive again. After George leaves because of the lack of beans, Brit-Chrissy sees veal and chicken in Robin's dish. She asks, "Why not go whole hog, Krugerrands and chips?" (The South African gold coin was fairly new then, having been introduced in 1967.) There's also brandy in the food, but Robin says it's not his fault they sold him a drunken chicken.
We find out that Robin's on holiday from school, which is why he has more time to cook fancy meals. He threatens to throw this food away, and the girls, Chrissy especially, dare him to, but he can't bring himself to.
They all sit down and he claims that the vegetable dish contains soy and the white wine is a cheap brand called Chateau Rubbish. Chrissy says their grocery bill was 16 pounds last week, and they can't go on like this with only two of them bringing in money.
The scene ends there, but 3'sC spells it out more. Janet says, "You know we can't afford that kind of food every night." Chrissy says especially with one of them not working. Jack says they all know who she means, so why not just say it? So she says it's him, and he says he's hurt and she has a mean streak.
There's more, but we can't get into it just yet.
Abu Dhabi: There's a close-up on the want ads and then it backs out to show Robin reading them. Brit-Chrissy is also checking and she finds a listing, but it's in Abu Dhabi. He says that would cost too much in bus fares.
He wants a temporary, holiday job, like snow-shifting. She says, "In the middle of August?" He says there'd be no competition. OK, if this is the middle of August, then that probably pushes Chrissy's birthday back to July.
Chrissy suggests that he be a postman, since it's better than walking the streets.
His student grant ran out at the end of the month. She says it was supposed to last four months. He says, "Don't remind me."
Jo comes in and sits next to Robin on the settee. She asks, "Seen anything worth going for yet?" He says, "Not yet, but if you'd like to lean a little bit more forward." She's wearing a lowcut dress and we get a glimpse of her bra. She tells him to stop that and he's got to get some money. "Oh, I see, you're that kind of girl."
Chrissy finds an ad for a job at International Educational Services, where a young man can earn up to 100 pounds a week. (Apparently in the '70s, you could still have gender-specific want ads, although feminists were starting to challenge that.) Robin rings them up, although Jo doesn't think he should looking like that, unshaven and in his dressing gown. Chrissy suggests he make his voice sound neat and tidy. So he says in a low-class accent, "Hello, Guv, I'm scruffy and in my dressing gown," though he shifts into a posh voice when they actually pick up.
We don't find out till a few scenes later that the job is for an encyclopedia salesman, but in America the ad is more direct. Jack says he's been looking at want ads all day. Janet sees lots of part-time listings but Jack says none of them fit into his school hours. (If I remember correctly, his classes are mostly in the morning.) Then Janet sees the one for an encyclopedia salesman.
Jack says he couldn't sell door to door, all those women saying no. He couldn't take that kind of rejection. Chrissy says, "I don't see why not. You've had enough practice here with us."
Then Janet sees an ad for male models, $10/hour. They want someone tall, young, good-looking. Jack feigns modesty and says they wouldn't want him. Chrissy says he's tall and young. He waits. Then Janet says, "Maybe they won't notice." Jack pouts.
Cucumbers: Downstairs, Mildred reads aloud from a magazine called Woman, while Helen reads an unknown magazine. The magazines advise putting a slice of cucumber over each eyelid and then relaxing for 20 minutes. They lie down with slices over their eyes.
George/Stanley comes home and is surprised by the cucumbers. He takes one slice off his wife's face. She says it's for wrinkles round the eyes. He says it's working, she's got quite a few/a gang of them there. Then he eats the slice. On 3'sC, this becomes the moment for Stanley playing to the audience, and they respond with applause of course.
George tells Mildred about the fortnight in Barbados, in a four-star hotel with a swimming pool and a balcony overlooking the sea. She's surprised by Barbados, since they usually go to Skegness (the town that Chrissy and Ian joked about losing their virginity in back in the '30s). He adds that there will be dancing every night, and they'll have their own private beach.
Then he tells her about the contest with ten easy questions, a slogan, and three Carter's labels. He got the entry form and labels at Tesco's, the latter sort of accidentally peeling off as he was passing. Stanley doesn't do a build up. He just tells Helen about the contest and how he "accidentally" got the labels at the supermarket.
Mildred/Helen says her husband never wins anything. George says he did the contest "Find the Eyes of TV Personalities." She says he got Marty Feldman wrong. He thinks the eyes looked like Amy Turtle (a Crossroads character who wore glasses).
[Gratuitous video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3vtk7hd2XI&feature=related ]
Stanley: Couldn't for once you say, "This time he's gonna do it!"
Helen: Oh, I say that a lot.
George hesitates after reading that he has to put his name and address, so Mildred says that if he can't get that one right, what chance does he have at the other nine?
The scene ends there, while 3'sC continues with things from the next Ropers' scene. (If you haven't noticed by now, MatH tends to chop things up more, going back and forth more frequently between up and downstairs.) So let's head back to the upstairs flat for a bit.
Sideways: In the kitchen, Chrissy is ironing Robin's trousers, while Jo is polishing his suede shoes. (No, they're not blue.) He comes in wearing briefs and a shirt. His razor just stopped, on the day the warranty ran out. Jo says he can't go to the interview half shaved. Chrissy says he should walk in sideways, and keep in profile. Both girls laugh.
Neither of them has a razor. Chrissy suggests tweezers. He says that by the time he plucks this half, the other half will have grown back in. He wants to cancel his interview, but she says she'll borrow a razor from the Ropers.
Slogans: Back downstairs, George/Stanley wonders what the capital of Ecuador is. George pronounces it as "Ec-u-a-dor," and at first I thought this was the British pronunciation, ala "Nic-a-ra-gu-a." But Robin later pronounces the name with just three syllables. From the settee/couch, where she's got cucumbers on her face again, Mrs. Roper says it's a country.
Even with her eyes covered, Mildred knows when George picks his nose, since he's "always" picking his nose. (We first heard about his filthy habit on the previous episode, when he was talking about playing the piano.)
George/Stanley decides to skip the questions for now and just work on the slogan.
George: Baked beans make delicious starters
Join the happy band of--
Mildred: George!
George: Carter's.
Stanley goes patriotic rather than scatalogical, with "Carter's Beans for the red, white, and blue. If they're good enough for the Army, they're good enough for you." Then he salutes.
Someone's at the door, and Mr. Roper has his wife answer it. Mildred calls George a lazy hound. Helen says that if they ran a lazy slob contest, Stanley would win easy.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet wants to borrow a razor. Mildred says John Benjamin has one, meaning George. (I can't place the reference, sorry.) George/Stanley asks if it's for her legs. Brit-Chrissy/Janet says no, it's for Robin/Jack. So Stanley says, "Jack's legs?"
Brit-Chrissy says Robin/Jack was using his electric razor and got halfway through when it quit on him. Mrs. Roper says, "Story of my life."
The razor is in the kitchen, because Mrs. Roper was slicing cucumbers with it. Her husband goes to get it, although Stanley first makes strangling gestures behind her back.
The 3'sC scene ends there, but MatH continues with Chrissy saying that Robin would've come down himself, but he's got no trousers on. Sounding titillated and amused, Mildred says, "Silly boy. I mean, after all, we're all friends here."
Chrissy says Robin has a job interview and he'd better shave first. Mildred says, "And he'd better put his trousers on and all."
George returns with the razor, which he says has turned green. It's a straight razor, so Chrissy looks wary.
Close shave: Upstairs, Amer-Chrissy is ironing Jack's slacks while he's in his shirt and shorts. Janet returns with a straight razor, so Jack says he wants to shave, not commit suicide. Chrissy says she'll shave him.
Jo lathers up Robin's face as Chrissy strops the razor. Robin would rather shave himself.
Robin/Jack says the Chrissys might cut his ear off. The Chrissys would say they're sorry. But Robin/Jack says he wouldn't hear them. The Chrissys used to shave their grandfather. Jo/Janet says, "The one without a nose?" The girls are very amused.
Brit-Chrissy approaches Robin with a shaky hand, teasing him. He tells her to stop mucking about, but she doesn't. He runs away. Jack says, "Forget it, I'll go macho," but Janet stops him from leaving.
Jo has a balloon, a gift from a rich admirer. Amer-Chrissy finds a balloon left over from "the party." (At this point, their most recent party was Eleanor's wedding reception.)
Robin: You don't think you're gonna calm me down by giving me a balloon, do you?
Jack: You're not gonna bribe with a balloon, are you?
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says that this is the way they train barbers, starting off by shaving balloons. Robin/Jack says the balloon doesn't need a shave. Janet/Jo lathers it up. Robin/Jack says the balloon doesn't have high/interesting cheekbones or a firm yet sensitive chin.
Jo: No, and it doesn't look terrified either. Now hold it still!
Janet: Neither do you.
Brit-Chrissy says this will prove that she has a gentle touch with a cutthroat (meaning the razor). Amer-Chrissy says to watch and see the delicate little touch she has. The balloons of course pop. In America, the shaving cream gets on all three of them, while in England it's just Robin and Chrissy, so Jo laughs. Robin glares at Chrissy, who looks apologetic.
In England, they're already ready for adverts, but 3'sC is about to take an unexpected turn.
Living Love: The modeling studio has a bed prominently featured, and then we see a girl in skimpy outfit of a yellow halter top and a blue miniskirt. She's brushing her hair.
The photographer is listed in the credits as Harvey and is played by Bill Fiore, who mostly did '70s sitcoms, from Mary Tyler Moore to Alice, although he did pop up twice on Law & Order. Harvey wonders where "Freddy" is. They're going to start a new series called Bedroom Playground and they'll be doing a centerfold. The girl says she hasn't done one in ages. He says it's not for her, it's for Freddy.
Girl: How come the guys are getting all the centerfolds?
Harvey: Equal rights.
She wants to put on her black fishnets and lace garter belt. He says for this layout, she should just wear her dimples. She complains that she has a head cold. He tells her to wear a wig. She playfully hits him with her brush, then goes to a cubicle to change, undoing her top on the way, so that we can see her white bra.
Jack comes in and immediately apologizes for having no experience, but he says he'll work hard.
Harvey: What's your name?
Jack: Jack Tripper.
Harvey: You've got the job.
Harvey asks if Jack is in good shape. Jack says he has a 42" chest and a 31" waist.
Harvey: What about the rest of you?
Jack: Fantastic.
The audience squeals and claps.
Harvey tells him to take off his clothes.
Jack: (surprised) Are we modeling bathing suits?
Harvey: No, birthday suits.
The audience squeals and claps again.
Jack says he thought he was supposed to model clothes. Harvey asks, "Do you want the job or not?" Jack says he doesn't want to pose naked. Offended, Harvey corrects him, "Not naked! Nude!" Jack asks the difference, and Harvey says naked is dirty, while nude is art.
Harvey says the magazine is called Living Love.
Harvey: You've heard of Playboy?
Jack: Yeah, sure.
Harvey: Now you've heard of Living Love.
Harvey asks if Jack is ashamed of his body. Jack says no but he has certain principles. Harvey asks if Jack came here to debate or to make ten bucks an hour. Jack asks, "Where do I get undressed?" and takes off his jacket.
He walks in on the female model. We can see her naked legs in a seated position. Then we see the back of her head. Jack is very embarrassed and tries to apologize.
Harvey tells him to use the empty cubicle.
Jack: Well, see you.
Girl: You just did.
The audience applauds.
Harvey says that was Sally. She's played by Sally Kirkland, who was the first nude actress in equity theater, in 1968. Although we don't actually see much of Sally-the-model, apparently the scene was filmed with her at least partially naked. Sally-the-actress was 35 at the time of this episode, and now at almost 70 has many stage and screen credits ranging from the 1960s to several not-yet-released films.
Harvey tells her that they'll be using Jack instead of Freddy. Over the cubicle wall, Sally and Jack call each other cute. He tells her she can go first. She says, "We're posing together, silly." Jack runs out of the cubicle with his slacks and shoes in his hands. He slides across the floor and Harvey catches him.
Jack: What about my family? My friends?
Harvey: No, I only want you and the girl.
The audience loves this.
Jack worries about his family and friends seeing him. Harvey says that the way he uses light and shadow, nobody will see Jack's face. He shows Jack a shot he took yesterday. Jack's jaw drops. He counts four people in the picture. Harvey says it's five. Jack's pants drop.
And that's where the cliffhanger goes.
IES: And what of young Robin? When they return from adverts, we see Robin in a suit, with cuts on the right side of his face. He's walking along the street. He goes into a building with a revolving door. After a pause, he emerges with the doorman, who points him to the right address.
We next see him on a more rundown street. He comes to a door with a handlettered sign, "International Edducational [sic] Services First Floor." He looks dubious but decides to try. He steps on a rubbish bin lid. He sets it on the bin and then goes in the building.
Then there's a messy office. Robin knocks and a man tells him to come in. Robin introduces himself as Mr. Tripp, arriving for his twelve o'clock appointment. The man tells him to pull up a tea chest and make himself comfortable.
The man introduces himself as Morris Morris. "I think my parents weally wanted a duplicating machine." He has a slight speech impediment, with soft R's, although not to Fudd level. He's played by Peter Jones, then 55, who a few years later would get his most famous role, as "The Book" in radio/television/LP adaptations of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
MM says that IES is just starting up in this country. The parent company in Toledo, Ohio, glass capital of the Midwest, intends to make this office the focal point of their entire European sales drive, "when we get some chairs in." He talks about educational needs, until Robin guesses it's flogging encyclopedias door to door.
MM asks if Robin has a tea bag. Since Robin doesn't, MM will reuse the one he's got. MM says that IES is held in great respect, throughout Toledo, Ohio. (Toledo is one of those mildly laugh-getting towns-- Klinger on M*A*S*H* was from there-- but it is surprising to see it referenced on such a British show, like if Spike Milligan started making "I'd rather be in Philadelphia" cracks.) Then MM asks if Robin has milk in his pocket. (Robin does not say, "No, I'm just happy to see you.")
Trying to talk the jargon, Robin says he doesn't think he'd be good at disseminating knowledge door to door.
Morris: Piece of cake.
Robin: Sorry, I haven't got one.
MM shows him a form and says that for each sale, Robin would get 25 pounds commission. He has Robin hold it with his thumbs covering the true hire purchase price. Robin asks if this isn't dishonest. MM says it's shrewd psychology.
He gives Robin the complete sales kit. He says that during the first week, his assistant will accompany Robin on calls. Then MM admits he's his own assistant, until IES expands its sales force.
He'll call for Robin tomorrow at four. When Robin points out that'll be Sunday, MM says that all the punters (not very flattering term for "customers") will be at home, the great advantage of a godless society. He wants Robin to learn the saleman's manual word for word.
Seventeen months: When 3'sC returns from commercial, Janet is doing paperwork in the living room, presumably for the flower shop. Jack comes home and she asks him how the modeling job went. He says, "Terrific, I'm selling encyclopedias."
She asks what happened. He says they wanted him to pose naked, uh, nude.
Jack: They wanted me to take all my clothes off. Can you imagine?
Janet: Aw, poor baby, they took one look and turned you down. (He gives her a look acknowledging the insult.)
Jack: No, I never gave them the chance. I walked out on 'em. How would you like to open up one of those kinky sex magazines and see me lying there?
Janet: I don't know. I think you'd look pretty cute with a staple through your navel.
He says he can make more money selling encyclopedias. When she asks about the rejection, he says there won't be any, not with Morris Morris's selling formula.
When she repeats, "Morris Morris?", he says that's the sales manager. She says MM sounds like he ought to be selling ditto machines. He says MM is a real nice guy. Jack's first week, MM will go around with him and break him in. And for every $300 set of encyclopedias, Jack will get a $50 commission.
On MatH, there's a close-up of Robin reading the manual, then we see that Chrissy is looking at the other paperwork. He says that he would greet the potential customer with "Good afternoon, Madam." She asks what he'd say if it's morning, or a man answers the door. He says provisions have been made, and he'd substitute "morning" and "Sir."
The episodes sync up more from this point out. Robin/Jack wants Brit-Chrissy/Janet to pretend to be a potential customer. So they all stand up and Robin/Jack draws the door in the air. He knocks. She looks through the peekhole, since this is a rough area/neighborhood, Janet slipping into her slight New York accent she gets sometimes on early episodes.
Robin greets Chrissy with "Good morning stroke afternoon, Madam stroke Sir." But she hasn't opened the door yet. He says he's conducting an educational survey and asks if she has any children. She says, "How dare you? I'm not even married! Who's been spreading these filthy rumours? I'll sue!"
Robin/Jack tells Chrissy/Janet he's inside now. He remarks on her lovely three-piece suite/living room set. She's puzzled.
Robin: The manual tells you what to say, word for word, for every occasion.
Jack: The manual tells you what to say, step by step, in every occasion.
Chrissy/Janet says, "Really?", Chrissy in particular looking mischievous.
Chrissy/Janet has Robin/Jack sit down. She sits very close. As Robin does his spiel, Chrissy puts one hand on his knee, the other on his shoulder, and snuggles up. Chrissy/Janet exclaims, "My husband's been away at sea for 17 months!", Janet throwing her arms around Jack. Janet kisses Jack's cheek many times. He and Robin try to continue.
Chrissy/Janet cries that she's so lonely. And she starts blowing in Robin/Jack's ear. He looks turned on but is still trying to continue.
Chrissy/Janet, "I thought your manual was supposed to cover every situation." Robin/Jack pretends to look it up, Jack saying it's under ear-blowing. Then Robin yells and tosses the manual aside, flings his arms around Chrissy and his legs over her lap. Jack throws Janet back on the couch and straddles her. But he tickles her. The American audience is particularly delighted, and there are squeals and laughter again. Both Janet and Brit-Chrissy laugh, but Brit-Chrissy hits Robin and tells him to get off.
Jo/Amer-Chrissy comes home and asks what Robin/Jack is doing. He says, "I'm selling her a set of encyclopedias." The American audience applauds. Jo says that's obvious now that he's explained it. Brit-Chrissy pushes Robin away, but Jack stays on Janet. He asks if she's OK, and when she says yes, he says, "Good," but tickles her some more.
On 3'sC, the doorbell rings, so Jack goes towards the door. Robin/Jack says he needs to practice on somebody. Jo/Amer-Chrissy says, "Practice on me, it looks like fun." However, the delivery is very different on the two shows. Amer-Chrissy says it leaning back on the couch, and he says, "Oh, I'd love to!", with his hands reaching for her. She pushes him away.
Jo says it calmly, as she says most things. And Robin does practice on her, in the less fun way. He indicates the invisible door, with no peekholes. He knocks.
Robin: Good afternoon, Madam.
Jo: Good afternoon. A set of encyclopedias please.
Robin: What?
Jo: No, you'd better make it two sets, just in case I lose one.
Robin: No, Jo, it doesn't work like that.
George knocks and Robin answers, as Jack answers his door, both of them saying they need a real customer. When the American audience sees Stanley, they laugh, as if they know where this is going. George/Stanley wants to know the capital of Ecuador. Robin says that Istanbul used to be Constantinople, if that's any help, and the modern audience thinks of They Might Be Giants.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet offers to look up the capital in the encyclopedia. George says he tried the A to Zed (Guide to London). Robin says that Ecuador is a little further west than Hounslow. Stanley says he used to be good at geography, till new countries started popping up every day.
Janet just says that the capital is Quito, but Brit-Chrissy and then Robin read out a bunch of facts about Ecuador. As George/Stanley leaves, he says that that's a very useful book and he wouldn't mind having one of those. Jack says, "Yeah, it came in handy, didn't it?"
Robin/Jack says, "Now where was I?" Jo/Amer-Chrissy says that he was saying he needs a real customer. Robin/Jack realizes, Jack exclaiming, "Roper!" Jack thinks Roper can be his first customer, and "Ladies, tonight we eat in style."
Sumatran: Downstairs, George says they'll have the fortnight in Barbados as soon as he posts his entry, while Stanley expects two weeks in Hawaii as soon as he mails his. Mildred says that he's wasting the stamp. He got at least one answer wrong. John Wilkes Booth assassinated Lincoln; he didn't found the Salvation Army. George says Booth might've done afterwards, and asks who did. She says probably Amy Turtle. (It was founded by William and Catherine Booth.) Helen is cruder, telling Stanley, as he's sealing the envelope, that he's wasting his spit and he'll never win.
George goes out to post the entry, and then Robin comes downstairs with the sales materials. Jack comes by as Stanley opens the door. Stanley says, "I'll be right back. Talk to Mrs. Roper."
Robin knocks and Mildred answers.
Robin: Good afternoon, Madam, er, Mrs. Roper. I'm conducting an educational survey.
Mildred: You'd better come in then.
Jack and Helen have their equivalent exchange with him in the doorway and her on the couch. He and Robin step in.
Robin asks if Mildred has any children. She looks at him. He says sorry.
Robin/Jack compliments Mildred/Helen's lovely three-piece suite/ living room set. She says it's two-piece and it's horrible.
Jack sits down on the couch next to Helen. Robin and Mildred sit on the settee together, and she puts her arm behind his shoulder. Robin/Jack asks Mildred/Helen if she's ever wished she was more informed about epidemiology. Mildred says, "No, Love." Robin says she's supposed to say yes.
Mildred/Helen realizes Robin/Jack is selling encyclopedias, Helen tapping his book. He says he's not supposed to say so.
Robin/Jack turns to the Sumatran elephant, "a fascinating creature. It's not generally known but it only mates once a year." Mildred/Helen says, "I know how it feels." The American audience squeals.
George/Stanley returns. He caught the four o'clock post/mail.
Mildred: Come in, Jumbo.
Helen: That's nice, Jumbo.
When Mr. Roper questions the new nickname, his wife tells him that Robin/Jack is selling encyclopedias.
Robin says that the set could be George's for the price of 80 cigarettes a day, George says he doesn't smoke 80 cigarettes a day. (Who does?) Mildred says he could force himself, then give it up and get the books for nothing, which sounds like Jo-logic.
His wife?: Speaking of Jo-logic, when Brit-Chrissy says that at 25-pound commission per set, they can all eat again, Jo says, "Then maybe we should buy a set from him." Chrissy shakes her head and goes to the kitchen.
3'sC does its usual thing of clumping the scenes together rather than going back and forth, so they continue with Jack and the Ropers, but I'll jump back upstairs to the American trio's apartment to make these more parallel.
Janet has an encyclopedia open in front of her face while she's slouched on the couch, so we can't see her expression when she says that one set of encyclopedias means a $50 commission and they can really eat. When Amer-Chrissy suggests buying a set from Jack, Janet shuts the book and goes to make herself a cup of tea while she figures that out.
Someone knocks/rings, so Jo/Amer-Chrissy answers the door. The man introduces himself as Morris Morris, so she says, "Hello hello?" In America, he's played by John Fiedler, who was a mousy little guy, then best known either for his recurring role as Dr. Hartley's patient Mr. Peterson on The Bob Newhart Show or for the voice of Piglet in several adaptations of Winnie the Pooh. In fact, he did a couple Winnie movies the year of his death, 2005. He was 52 at the time of this episode and had played a juror in 12 Angry Men (1957).
MM wants to speak to Mr. Tripp/Tripper and asks if she's his "good lady wife," or simply "wife" in America. She says no but he'll be back soon.
He admires the encyclopedias, so she runs into the kitchen and tells Brit-Chrissy/Janet that there's a man asking about the encyclopedias and he must be a customer. Janet says they need to keep him here till Jack gets back.
While Jo makes a cup of tea, Brit-Chrissy goes into the lounge. Both American girls return to the living room. MM asks if Brit-Chrissy/Janet is Mrs. Tripp/Tripper. When she says no, he chuckles and says, "Well," like "I'm tolerant of these modern arrangements."
The Morrises, the Chrissys, and Janet admire the encyclopedias, with their hand-tooled leatherette, with edged genuine imitation goldleaf. ("Genuine imitation" doesn't even get a laugh.) They're full of information, fully indexed in a separate volume, and comprehensively illustrated throughout. They're a constant source of pleasure and profit in any home.
Brit-Chrissy: (confused) Yes, indeed.
Morris: (confused) Yes, indeed.
Anatomy: Back downstairs, Robin is now sitting on the settee between the Ropers. He tells them that the encyclopedias are a constant source of pleasure and profit in any home.
Stanley sits on Jack's other side, so Robin/Jack shows George/Stanley the anatomy of the human male in full colo(u)r. Mildred/Helen finds this very interesting, and Helen even takes the book away. Mildred/Helen says that George/Stanley "doesn't have one of those anymore." The American audience laughs loudly, squeals, and applauds. Mrs. Roper is talking about her husband's appendix.
Robin/Jack shows George/Stanley the anatomy of the human female, in full
colo(u)r. When Robin/Jack flips over to flora & fauna, George/Stanley flips back to female anatomy. He asks Robin/Jack how much the encyclopedias cost. Jack grins.
Untrained: Brit-Morris is now on the settee and Brit-Chrissy hands him the tea that Jo made. The girls talk about the easy payment plan. The confusion is cleared up on both shows. The Morrises say that they'll be making the rounds with Robin/Jack because some of the forms are very complicated. Brit-Morris puts seven lumps of sugar in his tea. When Janet says, "You must be Morris Morris," Amer-Chrissy says, "Janet, how'd you do that?"
Brit-Chrissy/Janet tells the Morrises that Robin/Jack is downstairs selling a set by himself. The Morrises are worried since Robin/Jack is untrained.
Congratulations: Robin/Jack has George/Stanley fill out the forms, but they're indeed complex, and he's not quite sure what he's doing. The Morrises knock/ring and Mrs. Roper answers. Amer-Morris is accompanied by the girls. The Morrises would like a word with Mr. Tripp/Tripper. Then the Morrises exclaim over the lovely three-piece suite/ living room set.
Robin says that a first sale has just been made. Jack says, "Mr. Morris, I just made my first sale." Amer-Chrissy looks particularly happy. The Morrises check the signatures.
Brit-Morris: (to Robin) Congwatulations! You'we the pwoud owneh of a set of IES encyclopedias. (to George) And you qualify for the 25-pound commission.
Amer-Morris: (to Jack) Congratulations! You just bought yourself a set of encyclopedias. (to Stanley) And you, Sir, qualify for the $50 commission.
George is very happy. Mildred, in the background, looks confused and upset, Robin just confused. The episode ends there.
Everyone on 3'sC is confused, except for Stanley, who's of course happy. Jack wants out of this but MM says that a contract is a contract. Jack says he made the sale and he wants Mr. Roper to switch signatures, but Mr. Roper doesn't want to lose the $50. Jack tears up the contract. MM looks shocked and then disapproving.
Pizza Paradise: For the 3'sC tag (one that did survive syndication intact), the girls are looking at some papers together. Jack comes home. He turned in his encyclopedia case. "Another day of Morris Morris and I would've gone mad mad."
He got a part-time job as a waiter at the Pizza Paradise. Chrissy gets to her feet and says she thinks he should've stuck to modeling. A girl at the office had a copy of Living Love. She holds the magazine up. It looks like there's a nude woman on the cover, but the details aren't clear. (The woman might have a red bikini.) We can also see a bit of the nudes inside.
Chrissy thinks Jack looks terrific. She shows the centerfold to Janet. Jack says that's not him and he never posed.
Chrissy says that the face is a bit shadowy, but she would know those feet anywhere. He says those aren't his feet. They continue with knees and waist.
Chrissy: (pointing) And that!
Jack: Chrissy! (Laughter and applause.)
Chrissy: Hairy chest, Jack.
Jack: Those are not my hairs!
Janet: You don't have to hide it from us.
Chrissy: Not anymore.
Jack grabs the magazine and tries to play keepaway on the middle of the couch while they're at either end. And the episode ends there.
Commentary: Watching 3'sC as a child, it always felt like a peek into a familiar but slightly exotic world. First it was the "adult" naughtiness, and then it was the increasingly distant 1970sishness. This is particularly true of the second season, when the show was arguably at its most daring. Seeing how many of that season's plots were lifted from MatH, I expected that this episode would owe its spiciness to its British sister, but lo and behold, there's not a trace of Living Love on "A Little Knowledge"!
John Ritter was an interesting sex symbol in that, while indeed tall, young, and good-looking, he was also very much the boy-next-door type. I had a crush on him-- and was hit really hard by his death in 2003, even though I hadn't followed his career much in recent years-- but I think that had as much to do with Jack Tripper's playful personality. Come and Knock on Our Door goes into John/Jack's appeal, not just sex appeal, for a wide range of fans, but here I'll just note that we have to believe that one, Jack has certain principles he tries to hold to, and two, he's going to be tempted by the money and the flattery that modeling naked, sorry, nude offer. Jack is an odd mix of conceit and modesty, which can be both annoying and endearing, so it's no wonder his roomies playfully insult him so much.
The porn subplot is probably the best example of 3'sC with its most innocent naughtiness, naughtiest innocence. This is a world before smut on the Internet, even before "adult video" for the home, on cable and VHS. "Kinky" does not necessarily have the BDSM connotations it almost inevitably would have later. A simple orgy of four or five people can be kinky. Jack is "only" asked to pose with Sally. And yet, this is a sitcom that aired in primetime, that went into syndication for viewing in after-school hours. Some things were cut out from the series, but you couldn't cut this subplot without leaving big holes in the middle and end.
The subplot is also very funny. Bill Fiore is a scene-stealer, even though he underplays everything, except when someone says the word "naked." His delivery is right on and he plays wonderfully off of Jack's nervousness. Sally Kirkland is good, too, and I could almost see this as a spin-off in some kinky parallel universe.
Peter Jones's performance is less memorable, but has its moments, like the "godless society" line and the seven lumps of sugar. He of course has more to do than John Fiedler, due to the structures of the episodes.
The other thing I always treasured this episode for was what it does with the JJST. Janet, as Jack's practice customer, comes on to him more than in any episode I can think of, and he responds, even if it's in a teasing way. I'm surprised they didn't do the Brit-Chrissy --> Amer-Chrissy conversion, but it plays better with the savvier roommate giving him a situation he's not ready for. It's also friskier than Brit-Chrissy usually gets, although it seems like good preparation for Mildred, who's getting flirtier than ever with Robin this season.
There is some flirting between Amer-Chrissy and Jack, not to mention Robin peering down Jo's top. Jo doesn't have very much to do in this episode, but her moment as a pretend customer is cute.
And somewhere I have a Three's Company trading card with the "couch keepaway" on it, picked up in a thrift store for a buck a few years ago.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
"Right Said George"
The 28th episode of MatH marks the return of Roy Kinnear, but unfortunately, like the other "Jerry episodes" so far, it's rather forgettable. It takes its title from the 1962 song "Right Said Fred," in which (according to Wikipedia) "a group of workmen struggle to relocate what would seem to be a piano," and yes, this is also where the "I'm Too Sexy" band got their name. This episode aired on 11 September 1975.
http://youtu.be/z7Bvd33V9dQ
Perfect?: We open with a folk tune. Robin is partly turned away from the camera and playing guitar. The girls come home talking about the Common Market, including the metric system. Then Chrissy turns off the record.
Robin says practice makes perfect. He plays "Home on the Range" and sings along, offkey. Jo questions the perfection.
Chrissy says she studied music for four years, the piano, which she claims is harder than the guitar.
Robin says the guitar is harder because you have to crumple your hand to play B sharp. She points out that this doesn't exist.
Jo says her Uncle Arthur used to play the ukelele for the Royal Symphony Orchestra. Since this episode actually aired before the gardening one, Arthur is not yet dead.
Mrs. R: Downstairs, Mr. Roper wants to talk to his wife. She says, "You called, O Lord and Master?" He's looking for paperwork for his car. She comes in wearing a new dress, well, new in 1955. She says she has the same figure she did then. He says, "More's the pity." Then he says the dress suits her because it hides her knees.
He thinks his car is a nifty little roadster. She says it's a cat's watering hole. (So that's where Helen got it on 3'sC11!) She thinks he should trade it in.
She imitates the noise it makes and someone knocks at the end. She answers the door for Jerry, who twice calls her "Mrs. R." He shares his Thought for the Day: If all the men and women in the world were laid end to end, there'd be no need for the Pill. (The Dorothy Parker line seems to be variously quoted, but basically goes, re the Yale prom, " If all the girls attending it were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.") He laughs a lot at his own joke, while Mildred shakes her head.
He's come over to help George push the car to the M.O.T. (Ministry of Transport) test. She says the car has no engine, or at least won't by the time they get it there.
When she says the car will fail the test, Jerry says, "Isn't it better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all?" She replies, "Oh, don't tell me that, Love, tell him," then exits. Jerry asks what she meant but George pretends he doesn't know.
Goes to eleven: We get a close-up of a picture of piano keys. Chrissy is giving lessons to Robin. He tells her to stick to the left hand, because his right hand's got plans of its own. His right hand is on her shoulder.
Chrissy: I thought you said you were interested in theory.
Robin: I'd rather move on to the practice.
He moves his hand off her and claims to have eleven fingers, doing the old trick of counting 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 on one hand and then adding 5 from the other hand to make 11.
Jo looks at the sheet music and asks why some of the tadpoles on the telegraph wires have their tails handing down. Chrissy says, "Because they're not well."
Robin says he'll have to go back to the guitar because they don't have a piano. She says they know someone who has a piano.
Middle C: We next see Mildred at her sewing machine, working on her 20-year-old dress. Someone knocks and she lets in Robin and Chrissy. After some confusion about the sewing machine, she lets them play the piano while she goes to get them tea.
Chrissy first points out Middle C and Robin plays it. "The second thing is to move your leg away," since he's sitting rather close. He says sorry and then plays Middle C several times. She tells him, "There aren't many tunes composed of Middle C. And if there are, you've just played them all."
When she demonstrates C-D-E-F-G-A-B-C, he calls it "cdefgabc." She says this is the scale of C Major.
Chrissy: Above C Major is--
Robin: C Colonel.
She says she gives up, so he puts his arms around her. Mrs. Roper returns with the tea and hopes she isn't interrupting anything.
The noisy car comes home, and Mildred says that's only the windscreen wipers. George and Jerry come in. The car failed the test because of the brakes. George says that the stupid mechanic took the car up to 15 m.p.h. Mildred says that one thing George is good at is failing.
Robin and Chrissy leave, and then Jerry says his brother-in-law knows about cars. (The brother of the wife who abandoned him, or does Jerry have a sister?) Mildred asks if the brother-in-law got out, and Jerry says, yes, for good behaviour.
As Jerry gradually lowers the price from 40 quid to 30 to 25, he and the Ropers discuss the new car that George should or shouldn't get. Mildred suggests a VW, but George says that's a Kraut car. A fiat? "Eye-tie. They were on their [the Germans'] side in the War." Datsun? Jerry says, "Remember Pearl Harbor, George." Even when she suggests a secondhand English Mini, Jerry comes up with the Wars of the Roses.
George says he can't afford another car and he'd rather get the brakes fixed on this one. Mildred says he'd be throwing away 20 quid. Jerry corrects her to 25, then has to give in to 20, even though she doesn't want any thrown away. He leaves to set things up with his brother-in-law.
She suggests George sell something, but when he considers her sewing machine, she objects. They decide on the piano, since it's only used to hold photographs.
Robin returns and George tries to sell the piano to him. When George asks if Robin can play, Robin says he can do Middle C. George says there are other notes and if you play them in the right order, you can make tunes.
George: I can pick things out with one finger.
Mildred: We've seen you, George, and it's a filthy habit.
George puts his arm around Robin and says, "Look, Son, I like you." Robin asks, "Since when?" George claims he's going to give Robin a good deal on the piano, although his mother gave it to him when she died. (Now twelve years ago I guess.) But Mildred steps in and says the piano costs 20 pounds.
Robin agrees to buy it. He sits down and plays a bouncy tune I don't recognize. Chrissy opens the door and cries, "You could play all the time!"
And we go to a break.
Brilliant teaching: When we return, Chrissy and Robin are eating salad in the kitchen. She's sulking but denies it. He says he could only play that well because of her brilliant teaching. Jo comes in and says to stop arguing. (You've got to feel sorry for Jo at times, having to live with these two.)
Jo wonders where they'll put the piano, so Robin leads her into the living room and shows her, his arms around her without touching her. She says, "But it'll scratch the top of the sideboard." They'll need to move the sideboard then. Chrissy says that she lives here, too, and she didn't say they could have a piano. So Robin says he'll stick to the guitar. He plays "Home on the Range" again.
Giggle: Since they'll no longer have the piano, the Ropers clear the pictures off the top. He suggests slinging their wedding photos in the bin, since they've already seen them. He remarks, "Funny how women's fashions have changed over the years." She says, "Mine haven't."
He plays a few notes, but one key won't play. It turns out that he's found a new hiding place for his magazines, inside the piano. The titles this time are Giggle, Girly Fun, and The New Statesman, the last so he'd have something to carry the others in, although he claims not to be ashamed of them. She tells him not to wave the magazines in front of the budgie.
Someone knocks, so Mildred has George hide the dirty magazines. He puts them under a cushion and then sits pretending to read The New Statesman when Robin comes in.
George expects Mildred to move the piano with Robin. George says he has a bad back from the War. He tackled a tank single-handed. She says it was a water tank. He calls her lazy, born bone idle, but she makes him move the piano. Robin says they'll do it allegro and then pianissimo.
Side: The girls discuss where to move the furniture to accommodate the piano. If they move the settee, they'll have to watch the television on its side. Jo says once they have the piano they can sit around it and have a sing-song (which I assume is like a sing-along). The piano would fit in Robin's room if his bed was on its side. Chrissy says then he'd be able to watch television. She suggests they talk about this tomorrow, since it'll take that long to get the piano upstairs.
So we had a cuppa tea: Robin gets the piano wedged on the staircase, and George's foot is caught. Then Robin drops the piano on George's foot! Robin wonders if it comes apart, meaning the piano, but George says, "No, it's attached to my bloody leg!" Mildred takes the lyrical solution of making tea.
Robin offers George a cigarette but has to put it in George's mouth because George can't move his arms. Robin says Larry will be back on Monday (in case you were wondering why he's not in this episode), but they'd better do something before then.
Robin doesn't have a light, so he rummages in George's pockets, tickling him. He pulls out a matchbox and lights their cigarettes.
Jerry comes in and says his brother-in-law will do the car for 20 quid but he wants the money now. George tells Robin to pay Jerry, but Robin says the deal was no money till the piano is delivered upstairs. George says it's halfway up, so Robin should give Jerry half the money.
George is having trouble breathing, talking, and smoking simultaneously. Robin says they're French cigarettes and a bit strong if you're not used to them.
Jerry says they might've damaged the piano, so Robin climbs onto the side of the railing and plays the piano to make sure it's OK. Jerry requests "The Dream of Olwen," from the 1947 film While I Live.
Mildred says that the tea is ready. She suggests they come into the lounge, where it's cosy, and she even pats Robin's bottom! He takes it in stride and climbs down. He, Jerry, and Mildred go into the flat, leaving George under the piano.
And Charlie had a think, and he said, "Look, Fred,
I get a sort of feelin'
If we remove the ceilin'
With a rope or two we could drop the blighter through."
But when Jerry suggests cutting a hole in the ceiling, Mildred's not having it.
George spits out his cigarette, then Chrissy comes down the stairs. She tries to squeeze around him but can't.
Tea time is over so Mildred wants to use the best butter to grease George's foot. (Now things are turning Carrollian.) Chrissy doesn't think Mildred should use something so expensive, so Mildred considers popping down to get marge (margarine).
Jerry tells a long, rambling story about his cousin Kevin, but the point is that he can get Kevin's help to haul the piano through the upstairs window. (Not a solution present in the song.)
George laughs because Mildred is tickling him as she applies butter to his bare foot.
Doodahs: Apparently the butter works, because we next see the Ropers and the trio getting the piano onto the sidewalk. Jerry comes along with a crane. He wants to move the piano through the French windows, so the trio go upstairs to open them.
When Mildred understandably wonders if Jerry can operate the crane, he says if his cousin can do it, he can. George says, "That's true. He's even dafter than Jerry."
Jerry had to slip Kevin a quid and he's gotta get the crane back before the foreman's lunch is over, so they've only got three hours. He says he'll supervise while George and Mildred get the "doodahs," meaning ropes and things. (Well, they are Ropers. And this is as funny as any actual joke on the episode.)
Half a ton of rubble: Chrissy doesn't think the plan will work. When Robin tells her to be more positive, she says she's positive it's not going to work. Jo thinks they're at the wrong set of windows, and after disagreeing, Robin realises she's right and hastens to open the other set.
The piano is raised very high, as George directs Jerry. Jerry thinks one lever will move the piano either forwards or backwards. It of course drops the piano on the car. He says now George won't have to get the brakes fixed. Mildred says now they can get a new car.
The trio watch the disaster from above. Chrissy says, "So much for the piano." Robin breaks into "Home on the Range." This time, the girls join in. And the episode ends on, well, that note.
Commentary: It's ironic that Mildred can't stand George's crude friend, and yet she owes her new furniture and now presumably a new car to Jerry. Also, she may sarcastically call George her lord and master, but it's clear she has the last word with not only him but his mates.
Other than that, not a lot to say about this episode. Even the RCST isn't too remarkable. So here's your Wikipedia link to the Common Market: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/European_Economic_Community
http://youtu.be/z7Bvd33V9dQ
Perfect?: We open with a folk tune. Robin is partly turned away from the camera and playing guitar. The girls come home talking about the Common Market, including the metric system. Then Chrissy turns off the record.
Robin says practice makes perfect. He plays "Home on the Range" and sings along, offkey. Jo questions the perfection.
Chrissy says she studied music for four years, the piano, which she claims is harder than the guitar.
Robin says the guitar is harder because you have to crumple your hand to play B sharp. She points out that this doesn't exist.
Jo says her Uncle Arthur used to play the ukelele for the Royal Symphony Orchestra. Since this episode actually aired before the gardening one, Arthur is not yet dead.
Mrs. R: Downstairs, Mr. Roper wants to talk to his wife. She says, "You called, O Lord and Master?" He's looking for paperwork for his car. She comes in wearing a new dress, well, new in 1955. She says she has the same figure she did then. He says, "More's the pity." Then he says the dress suits her because it hides her knees.
He thinks his car is a nifty little roadster. She says it's a cat's watering hole. (So that's where Helen got it on 3'sC11!) She thinks he should trade it in.
She imitates the noise it makes and someone knocks at the end. She answers the door for Jerry, who twice calls her "Mrs. R." He shares his Thought for the Day: If all the men and women in the world were laid end to end, there'd be no need for the Pill. (The Dorothy Parker line seems to be variously quoted, but basically goes, re the Yale prom, " If all the girls attending it were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.") He laughs a lot at his own joke, while Mildred shakes her head.
He's come over to help George push the car to the M.O.T. (Ministry of Transport) test. She says the car has no engine, or at least won't by the time they get it there.
When she says the car will fail the test, Jerry says, "Isn't it better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all?" She replies, "Oh, don't tell me that, Love, tell him," then exits. Jerry asks what she meant but George pretends he doesn't know.
Goes to eleven: We get a close-up of a picture of piano keys. Chrissy is giving lessons to Robin. He tells her to stick to the left hand, because his right hand's got plans of its own. His right hand is on her shoulder.
Chrissy: I thought you said you were interested in theory.
Robin: I'd rather move on to the practice.
He moves his hand off her and claims to have eleven fingers, doing the old trick of counting 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 on one hand and then adding 5 from the other hand to make 11.
Jo looks at the sheet music and asks why some of the tadpoles on the telegraph wires have their tails handing down. Chrissy says, "Because they're not well."
Robin says he'll have to go back to the guitar because they don't have a piano. She says they know someone who has a piano.
Middle C: We next see Mildred at her sewing machine, working on her 20-year-old dress. Someone knocks and she lets in Robin and Chrissy. After some confusion about the sewing machine, she lets them play the piano while she goes to get them tea.
Chrissy first points out Middle C and Robin plays it. "The second thing is to move your leg away," since he's sitting rather close. He says sorry and then plays Middle C several times. She tells him, "There aren't many tunes composed of Middle C. And if there are, you've just played them all."
When she demonstrates C-D-E-F-G-A-B-C, he calls it "cdefgabc." She says this is the scale of C Major.
Chrissy: Above C Major is--
Robin: C Colonel.
She says she gives up, so he puts his arms around her. Mrs. Roper returns with the tea and hopes she isn't interrupting anything.
The noisy car comes home, and Mildred says that's only the windscreen wipers. George and Jerry come in. The car failed the test because of the brakes. George says that the stupid mechanic took the car up to 15 m.p.h. Mildred says that one thing George is good at is failing.
Robin and Chrissy leave, and then Jerry says his brother-in-law knows about cars. (The brother of the wife who abandoned him, or does Jerry have a sister?) Mildred asks if the brother-in-law got out, and Jerry says, yes, for good behaviour.
As Jerry gradually lowers the price from 40 quid to 30 to 25, he and the Ropers discuss the new car that George should or shouldn't get. Mildred suggests a VW, but George says that's a Kraut car. A fiat? "Eye-tie. They were on their [the Germans'] side in the War." Datsun? Jerry says, "Remember Pearl Harbor, George." Even when she suggests a secondhand English Mini, Jerry comes up with the Wars of the Roses.
George says he can't afford another car and he'd rather get the brakes fixed on this one. Mildred says he'd be throwing away 20 quid. Jerry corrects her to 25, then has to give in to 20, even though she doesn't want any thrown away. He leaves to set things up with his brother-in-law.
She suggests George sell something, but when he considers her sewing machine, she objects. They decide on the piano, since it's only used to hold photographs.
Robin returns and George tries to sell the piano to him. When George asks if Robin can play, Robin says he can do Middle C. George says there are other notes and if you play them in the right order, you can make tunes.
George: I can pick things out with one finger.
Mildred: We've seen you, George, and it's a filthy habit.
George puts his arm around Robin and says, "Look, Son, I like you." Robin asks, "Since when?" George claims he's going to give Robin a good deal on the piano, although his mother gave it to him when she died. (Now twelve years ago I guess.) But Mildred steps in and says the piano costs 20 pounds.
Robin agrees to buy it. He sits down and plays a bouncy tune I don't recognize. Chrissy opens the door and cries, "You could play all the time!"
And we go to a break.
Brilliant teaching: When we return, Chrissy and Robin are eating salad in the kitchen. She's sulking but denies it. He says he could only play that well because of her brilliant teaching. Jo comes in and says to stop arguing. (You've got to feel sorry for Jo at times, having to live with these two.)
Jo wonders where they'll put the piano, so Robin leads her into the living room and shows her, his arms around her without touching her. She says, "But it'll scratch the top of the sideboard." They'll need to move the sideboard then. Chrissy says that she lives here, too, and she didn't say they could have a piano. So Robin says he'll stick to the guitar. He plays "Home on the Range" again.
Giggle: Since they'll no longer have the piano, the Ropers clear the pictures off the top. He suggests slinging their wedding photos in the bin, since they've already seen them. He remarks, "Funny how women's fashions have changed over the years." She says, "Mine haven't."
He plays a few notes, but one key won't play. It turns out that he's found a new hiding place for his magazines, inside the piano. The titles this time are Giggle, Girly Fun, and The New Statesman, the last so he'd have something to carry the others in, although he claims not to be ashamed of them. She tells him not to wave the magazines in front of the budgie.
Someone knocks, so Mildred has George hide the dirty magazines. He puts them under a cushion and then sits pretending to read The New Statesman when Robin comes in.
George expects Mildred to move the piano with Robin. George says he has a bad back from the War. He tackled a tank single-handed. She says it was a water tank. He calls her lazy, born bone idle, but she makes him move the piano. Robin says they'll do it allegro and then pianissimo.
Side: The girls discuss where to move the furniture to accommodate the piano. If they move the settee, they'll have to watch the television on its side. Jo says once they have the piano they can sit around it and have a sing-song (which I assume is like a sing-along). The piano would fit in Robin's room if his bed was on its side. Chrissy says then he'd be able to watch television. She suggests they talk about this tomorrow, since it'll take that long to get the piano upstairs.
So we had a cuppa tea: Robin gets the piano wedged on the staircase, and George's foot is caught. Then Robin drops the piano on George's foot! Robin wonders if it comes apart, meaning the piano, but George says, "No, it's attached to my bloody leg!" Mildred takes the lyrical solution of making tea.
Robin offers George a cigarette but has to put it in George's mouth because George can't move his arms. Robin says Larry will be back on Monday (in case you were wondering why he's not in this episode), but they'd better do something before then.
Robin doesn't have a light, so he rummages in George's pockets, tickling him. He pulls out a matchbox and lights their cigarettes.
Jerry comes in and says his brother-in-law will do the car for 20 quid but he wants the money now. George tells Robin to pay Jerry, but Robin says the deal was no money till the piano is delivered upstairs. George says it's halfway up, so Robin should give Jerry half the money.
George is having trouble breathing, talking, and smoking simultaneously. Robin says they're French cigarettes and a bit strong if you're not used to them.
Jerry says they might've damaged the piano, so Robin climbs onto the side of the railing and plays the piano to make sure it's OK. Jerry requests "The Dream of Olwen," from the 1947 film While I Live.
Mildred says that the tea is ready. She suggests they come into the lounge, where it's cosy, and she even pats Robin's bottom! He takes it in stride and climbs down. He, Jerry, and Mildred go into the flat, leaving George under the piano.
And Charlie had a think, and he said, "Look, Fred,
I get a sort of feelin'
If we remove the ceilin'
With a rope or two we could drop the blighter through."
But when Jerry suggests cutting a hole in the ceiling, Mildred's not having it.
George spits out his cigarette, then Chrissy comes down the stairs. She tries to squeeze around him but can't.
Tea time is over so Mildred wants to use the best butter to grease George's foot. (Now things are turning Carrollian.) Chrissy doesn't think Mildred should use something so expensive, so Mildred considers popping down to get marge (margarine).
Jerry tells a long, rambling story about his cousin Kevin, but the point is that he can get Kevin's help to haul the piano through the upstairs window. (Not a solution present in the song.)
George laughs because Mildred is tickling him as she applies butter to his bare foot.
Doodahs: Apparently the butter works, because we next see the Ropers and the trio getting the piano onto the sidewalk. Jerry comes along with a crane. He wants to move the piano through the French windows, so the trio go upstairs to open them.
When Mildred understandably wonders if Jerry can operate the crane, he says if his cousin can do it, he can. George says, "That's true. He's even dafter than Jerry."
Jerry had to slip Kevin a quid and he's gotta get the crane back before the foreman's lunch is over, so they've only got three hours. He says he'll supervise while George and Mildred get the "doodahs," meaning ropes and things. (Well, they are Ropers. And this is as funny as any actual joke on the episode.)
Half a ton of rubble: Chrissy doesn't think the plan will work. When Robin tells her to be more positive, she says she's positive it's not going to work. Jo thinks they're at the wrong set of windows, and after disagreeing, Robin realises she's right and hastens to open the other set.
The piano is raised very high, as George directs Jerry. Jerry thinks one lever will move the piano either forwards or backwards. It of course drops the piano on the car. He says now George won't have to get the brakes fixed. Mildred says now they can get a new car.
The trio watch the disaster from above. Chrissy says, "So much for the piano." Robin breaks into "Home on the Range." This time, the girls join in. And the episode ends on, well, that note.
Commentary: It's ironic that Mildred can't stand George's crude friend, and yet she owes her new furniture and now presumably a new car to Jerry. Also, she may sarcastically call George her lord and master, but it's clear she has the last word with not only him but his mates.
Other than that, not a lot to say about this episode. Even the RCST isn't too remarkable. So here's your Wikipedia link to the Common Market: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/European_Economic_Community
Saturday, June 11, 2011
The Last Picture Show of Home Movies
The fifth series of MatH gets new credits. The trio are on a boat. Not only do I have no idea how they can afford it, but Robin is drinking champagne. Chrissy tries to start the motor but falls back. Then she pulls up a snorkel, throws it back to the diver, and tries to look nonchalant.
Jo sunbathes on her stomach and undoes the top of her bikini. A fisherman catches her top. She's next shown sitting up, with a towel over her front. She's surprised and then amused. Robin strips off his shirt then hands it to Jo. He and Chrissy smile. Robin takes off his hat, which says, "Hello Sailor," and bows to Jo.
I don't like these as much as the zoo credits, although Robin's chivalry is cute. It feels off to have Chrissy suddenly having mishaps like this. (Jo's mishap is not of her own making.) Also, there's less of a feel to the trio having fun together, compared to the zoo credits. I'm guessing for series six, we'll get a modification of these, but I won't spoil myself this time.
As for the episode itself, it aired on 4 September 1975, just about two years after "And Then There Were Two." The title is of course a reference to the 1971 film directed by Peter Bogdanovich, based on the 1966 novel by Larry McMurtry. The Americans went with the more prosaic "Home Movies" for their 24th episode, which appeared on Jan. 24, 1978. That placed #14 in the ratings, the second-lowest rated episode in the first three years of the show. (The pilot was #28). Not that that's a bad rating, but it feels particularly low considering the teasing premise.
Battleship Potemkin: MatH opens with Jo and Robin sitting on the settee. She's reading a magazine and he's watching the telly, with an archbishop at the Methodist Conference. Jack and Janet are watching TV together, but from their body language, she's riveted and he's bored. A male character is threatening suicide, with his wife trying to talk him out of it.
Robin uses the remote to switch to a description of a boxing match. Then he switches back to the conference, amused at the juxtaposition. Jo tells him to stop that or he'll break the channel-changer. He says there's nothing else to do.
When Jack switches the channel, Janet is upset. Jack switches back, at a dentures commercial, which he makes segue into a glue ad. All Janet catches is the end of the movie. When Jack gets off the couch, she lies down.
Robin /Jack says the ice glaciers are advancing at a rate of half an inch every year. He thinks they should take advantage of the time left, so he tries to take advantage of her. In Robin's case, he jumps her and she pushes him off. Jack is less aggressive. He hovers over Janet's supine body and tries to kiss her. She pushes him away and says no dice. He tries to use the remote on her.
Brit-Chrissy comes home with a man wearing glasses, a plaid jacket, and a pink tie. He's a very tall redhead who smokes a pipe and carries a briefcase. Amer-Chrissy's date looks less stereotypically pseudo-intellectual, but both he and she are wearing turtlenecks. Peter Greene plays Brit-Neil and he doesn't have any memorable credits, just the usual Dr. Who, Carry On, etc. Stuart Gillard would go on to be a successful director, most notably for Avonlea and Charmed, so his role as Neil the film buff feels especially appropriate.
The Chrissys are surprised that their roommates are still awake. Robin says it's half past ten. When Amer-Chrissy says, "I thought you two would be in bed by now," Jack smiles and says, "It's not for lack of trying." Janet puts popcorn in his mouth.
The Chrissys introduce their date, Neil. He belongs to the local film society, which tonight was showing The Battleship Potemkin ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Battleship_Potemkin ), with two hours of footage that Eisenstein left on the cutting room floor. Jo says, "We had a pretty boring evening, too." Chrissy suggests Jo make coffee. For once, 3'sC is subtler. Janet just looks dubious and goes to make herself coffee.
Brit-Chrissy and Neil sit on the settee, she next to Robin. She and Robin make faces at each other, as she tries to signal to him to leave. Amer-Chrissy and Neil sit down on the couch, but Jack remains standing. (I have a theory, which I'm not going to try to prove, that Jack says more of his lines standing than Robin does, at least in the early years of the show. I have a strong composite mental image of him delivering punch lines that way, sometimes with his arms crossed. Robin is more likely to be slouching in the chair or on the settee, because he's more laidback.)
Robin/Jack says that Chrissy said Neil is interested in rotten old films. She says she didn't say it like that. Neil says it's a fair/good point though, since most of them are on nitrate stock, which doesn't last long. Robin/Jack says two hours sounds long enough to him.
In talking about the movie, the Chrissys accidentally say Einstein. The Neils correct them, Amer-Neil adding that Einstein did the theory of relativity. Amer-Chrissy asks, "Was that a silent or a talkie?" Jack is amused, so she tells him to go help Janet.
Brit-Chrissy says you could feel the man's (Eisenstein's) presence in every frame. This reminds Neil and he takes a wrapped gift out of his briefcase. Now Chrissy tells Robin to go help Jo. Robin is very winky about leaving the room. Jack is even worse, taking Robin's simple line of leaving them to get on with it and making it into "I'll leave you two to get it on." He slaps himself and says, "I mean to get on with it."
Brit-Chrissy looks like she's about to kiss Neil, then Robin pops back in from the kitchen to say they won't be interrupted. Amer-Neil looks like he's going to kiss Chrissy, as he puts his arm behind her. They even move in for a kiss, before Jack comes back to say, "Don't worry, no one will disturb you." They try again, but he returns to say everybody in this building minds their own business. Janet has to yank him back into the kitchen.
We get a little scene in the British kitchen. Robin didn't know it's almost Chrissy's birthday. Jo says that all week Chrissy has been saying, "I'm 22 on Saturday." Well, what do you know? Chrissy was lying to her mum! Unless she's now lying to her flatmates. If she's 22 on some Saturday in late August (this episode covering at least a few days), then that puts her birthday in August 1953. She moved to London when she was 18 and turned 20 around the time we met her. She was still 20 when she was dating the 30-year-old.
Robin says he forgot to get Chrissy a gift and there's no time. Jo says, "And the ice glaciers are advancing half an inch every year."
Perfume: We switch to the Ropers' bedroom, where she's wearing a frilly nightdress/gown and spraying herself with perfume. Mildred even puts it in her mouth and cleavage! Mrs. Roper calls out to her husband.
He comes in with his toolcase/toolbox. When she asks why, he says something's missing from it. She asks if he means his mucky/dirty little magazines. He says they're art. Helen gets the line, "Yeah, they're full of busts." Mildred says they have titles like Wink, Nudge, and Titter. George buys them for the articles on motoring and male fashion. Mildred looks at him in his boring striped pyjamas. Stanley says he buys them for the articles on male fashion and automobiles. Helen doesn't really react.
Mildred packed them up and gave them to Oxfam (second Oxfam reference on the show). Helen gave them to the Salvation Army. Stanley threatens, "Helen, one of these days you're gonna make me come after you." She says, "God knows I try."
Mr. Roper gets into bed and then wonders what the bad smell is. She says it's her perfume. Mildred's is "Tonight or Never," Helen's "Now or Never." Mr. Roper says that's half right.
Mildred actually saved one of George's magazines, but he's not in the mood. He soon falls asleep and snores, or at least fakes it. She hits him with the magazine. On 3'sC, all we get is Helen pulling the sheet over her head in frustration.
Presenting: In the kitchen the next morning, Brit-Chrissy is unwrapping her birthday presents. Jo got her a nice bracelet but a card for a 4-year-old. Jo didn't read the verse first. Robin, who's in his "slow dancing" shirt from the gardening episode, gives her an IOU for a card and present.
Larry comes in, wearing his Oxford shirt. He wants to borrow a sausage (said without innuendo). He asks, "Who's in line for the big birthday kiss from me?" Robin queenily says, "Well, if you really insist," and puckers up. Larry doesn't kiss anyone.
The American trio are reading the newspaper in sections, which after awhile they trade counter-clockwise. Chrissy gets the obituaries and says it happened again, people keep dying in alphabetical order! The doorbell rings and she goes to get it before Janet can explain. Jack says sometimes Chrissy is right about these things, and maybe they should change their names to something beginning with Z. Janet says he'd have to call himself Jack Zipper. He says he wouldn't like that because people would make remarks like "Hey, fella, your name is open!"
Amer-Chrissy returns with a package from home. She says it's not her birthday or anything. Jack says he was beginning to feel guilty. (But I thought Chrissy was born in December/January? Again, lousy continuity.)
Brit-Neil's card says he didn't know what to get her, so he got her something he needs himself. Robin asks how Neil put a kick up the backside in the box. Chrissy says, "Oh, you've never liked him," making it sound like she's gone out with Neil awhile.
Neil got her a cinecamera. Robin says, "As seen on television," probably a reference to a specific advert. Amer-Chrissy's parents got her a movie camera, too. She says she told them she's dating "a nice Methodist boy who likes films." Jack says, "Great. Next time tell them you're going out with a banker."
The Chrissys say they'll have lots of fun with the camera as soon as they learn how to use it. Robin/Jack shows her that she's holding it backwards.
Curse: Mildred is reading Beauty Time magazine. She lowers the cover and we see that she's wearing a white "face pack" as she calls it. It needs to set for ten minutes. Meanwhile, Helen is lying on the couch with a green face.
Mr. Roper comes home wearing a raincoat. Stanley is reading Playhouse, with a buxom blonde in a lowcut blouse and what a few years later would be known as Daisy Dukes. He has other magazines rolled up in his pockets. He sees Helen resting on the couch, so he hides this magazine in a pocket, too.
George says he had his morning constitutional around the block. Stanley says there's nothing like a nice brisk walk around the block first thing in the morning. Helen says she thought he went upstairs to fix the window in the kids' apartment. (It's a different window this time, as we'll see.)
Mr. Roper notices the face pack and is surprised, but then he tells her he likes it and she should leave it on. She says insults bounce right off her. He says a brick would bounce right off that stuff.
George says Christopher Lee had something like it in Curse of the Mummy. He went around murdering people. Mildred says she knows how he felt. Stanley says Lon Chaney wore something like this in The Mummy's Curse. He does his patented take, but it doesn't get applause. Then she says, "He's got his curse, I've got you," and that they clap for. Christopher Lee never actually did a movie called Curse of the Mummy, but he was in The Mummy (1959) as the title role. Lon Chaney, Jr. did star in The Mummy's Curse (1944).
Mr. Roper is going to take a shower/bath, and his wife wonders why he's wearing his raincoat. Mildred says he's been buying more of those dirty little magazines. He refuses to discuss it. She yells at him and breaks her face pack. She cries.
Helen says he can give those dirty magazines a bath, too. He claims he got Popular Mechanics and Reader's Digest. She says, "Oh, go fix your window." He leaves.
Interesting: Upstairs, Brit-Chrissy has three lamps on as she films Robin sitting in a chair in the lounge. She tells him, "Don't just sit there, do something interesting." So he lifts his shirt and touches his nipples. She says, "Not too interesting." He lowers his shirt.
Amer-Chrissy films Jack reading Fashion magazine. When she tells him to do something interesting, he does his perve act and comes towards her. She tells him not that interesting.
Jo comes in from the kitchen and tries to put face powder on Robin, Jamaican Dust. He theatrically exclaims, "With hazel eyes? You must be mad! Cancel my contract, I'm leaving the set!" Janet manages to put face powder on Jack, but he balks at blue eyeshadow. He says, "I'm walking off the set, cancel my contract."
Brit-Chrissy follows Robin through the kitchen. Amer-Chrissy goes after Jack across the living room. The Chrissys are still filming, so they say to do something natural. Robin/Jack opens the bathroom door and says, "I'm about to," and she can't film it.
Brit-Chrissy has Jo pour cornflakes into a bowl, meanwhile smiling, frowning, and then laughing. The cornflakes get all over the table, but neither girl seems to care. Amer-Chrissy takes flowers out of a vase just so Janet will arrange them. She makes Janet laugh, too, for quite awhile. Then the Chrissys say tomorrow they must try this with film in the camera.
Jo says, "What?" and the British scene ends there. But Janet chokes Amer-Chrissy and then the doorbell rings. As she goes to get it, she says, "Next time, please date a stamp collector."
She lets in Mr. Roper. She asks if it's raining outside and he says no. Jack returns from the bathroom, still made-up. He also asks if it's raining. When Mr. Roper asks about Jack's face, he says, "Just a little eyeshadow. Do you like it?" He leans forward. The audience laughs and appluads.
The broken window is in Jack's room, so he goes in and beckons to Mr. Roper with only his hand and arm visible. Mr. Roper says he'll find it himself. Jack reemerges and hisses at him. The audience is delighted. The trio are very amused.
The first picture show: The next scene is also in the lounge/living room, but everyone's in a different outfit from before. Brit-Neil is at a projector, while Chrissy sets up a screen, with Robin and Jo on the settee. In America, Neil is on the couch, Chrissy is at the projector, and Jack does the screen. Janet is absent but presumably watches the movie at some point, based on her behavior later in the episode.
Jack says he's going to the game with Larry tonight (probably basketball again). As the doorbell rings, Jack says he's sure Chrissy's movie will deserve to be hidden away in the archives. She takes this as a compliment. Jack lets Larry in. Larry says the game starts in 15 minutes, but Jack says this won't take long.
Brit-Larry lets himself in, "ready for the big premiere." He makes another joke about strawberry ripple, which I still don't understand.
On MatH, Larry is of course an established character by now, the sixth biggest on the show (after the trio and the Ropers). But this is actually only the second appearance of Amer-Larry.
Brit-Neil says that he borrowed the projector from the film society. Robin mocks Neil's posh accent in an aside to Larry. Jack tells Amer-Larry that Neil collects old sprocket holes.
The Chrissys start the movies. Brit-Chrissy's is in black & white and silent. The shots are very blurry and shaky at first. Robin holds up a movie clapboard that has Chrissy and Friends as the movie title. He hurts his hand shutting the clapboard on it.
Then Robin, Jo, and Larry stand close together. Chrissy wanted an action shot, so they all jump once. Larry looks bored, Jo as if she's having a great time, and Robin somewhere in between.
Next a shirtless Robin dives, and then splashes in a kiddie pool. Chrissy seems to have filmed at least some of this movie in a park.
Larry opens his shirt and starts to unzip his trousers. Then we see a random housewife (in curlers) smiling and modeling for the camera.
Jo plays with a beach ball but she's lit so darkly that we can't see any details. Thus, when Chrissy says this is the part where Jo lost the top of her bikini, and Larry and Robin lean forward on the settee, we can't see anything. Chrissy admits, "Not a good shot really."
Chrissy put herself in, like Hitchcock she says. She's wearing a long dress and holding a drink. She sits in a chair with an umbrella, which after a few moments closes on her.
Amer-Chrissy's movie, in contrast, is all set in the trio's living room. It opens with an extreme close-up of Jack's smile, at a 45-degree angle. Jack mimes a clapboard and camera. This is also a silent movie, but in color.
Janet comes in the front door. For the "action" shot, she and Jack do lots of hopping, still at the odd angle.
Then we get a normal angle for Jack in the kitchen, making an omelet or souffle. He tries to flip it but has to catch it in his hand and put it back in the pan. Janet comes over and kisses his cheek. He exaggerates his surprise. Then he kisses her and backs her onto the table.
Next is a sideways shot of Jack with a glass. Janet hands him a wine bottle. He pours the wine into the glass. The men and Chrissy tilt their heads as they watch.
Chrissy says in the next part Janet is going to the beach. Janet enters from her bedroom in a pink bikini, holding a beach ball. Chrissy says Janet loses the top of her bikini. The men lean forward. But we next see a close-up of Janet's face looking worried and surprised. Then she smiles. The camera backs up, to reveal her holding the beach ball in front of her. We can just see her naked shoulders. The men lean back.
The film ends and the Chrissys ask, "What did you think?" The Brits are particularly speechless, till Neil says it was very interesting. Robin agrees. In America, it's Larry who agrees with Neil that it was very interesting. Brit-Chrissy says there are another 20 minutes to go, while Amer-Chrissy says there are six more reels. The men's body language says they're dreading it, the American men in particular. Amer-Larry even tries to leave, but Jack stops him. (So much for the game.)
And both shows go to a break.
Sampler: When MatH comes back, we open on a sampler that says, "Home Sweet Home." For some reason the audience finds this funny.
Robin is in a bathrobe (dressing gown?), with a towel over his shoulder. He walks through the kitchen and towards the bathroom. He opens the door but doesn't go in. Jack comes out of his bedroom fully dressed and goes into the bathroom.
Robin/Jack apologizes to Jo/Janet, who's having a bath. (We don't see anything, on MatH because she's offscreen and on 3'sC because of the shower curtain.) Robin/Jack says they really need to get the lock fixed. (Yeah, it's been over a year on both shows!) Robin steps away and then goes back as he talks, while Jack just says the bit about people coming in and staring at her. Jo/Janet tells Robin/Jack to get out and throws the sponge at him. Jack tells Janet she needs more bubbles.
Someone knocks/rings the doorbell. Robin/Jack answers it. It's Larry. Amer-Larry hasn't yet fully transitioned from his car-salesman plaid to his swinging singles threads, but he is wearing a suede jacket.
The Larrys ask if the girls are home. Robin/Jack say the Chrissys are getting dressed and Jo/Janet's having a bath. Robin says, "They actually float," which the audience takes suggestively, then he holds up the sponge. Amer-Larry asks, "What are you doing with the sponge?" Jack says he has to do everything around here.
The Larrys want to borrow the projector. Robin/Jack says they'll have to ask the Chrissys. The Larrys say the Chrissys might not approve of blue movies.
Last week Brit-Larry met a bloke at the pub (unspecified but probably the White Swan), while Amer-Larry met a guy at the Regal Beagle. The bloke was named Ken, Sid, or Fred. He works for customs. He confiscated some blue movies, red hot stuff. They should've been burned but his lighter wasn't working. He's selling them for a fiver a throw.
The guy was named Kenneth. Amer-Larry doesn't know him well enough to be on last-name terms. Kenneth has a friend on the vice squad. He has some really hot films that were confiscated and should've been burned. Kenneth is selling them for 50 bucks. (Either the exchange rate and the inflation between 1975 and '78 were incredible, or Amer-Larry is getting ripped off even more than we think.)
Robin/Jack doesn't want to loan the Larrys any money. Brit-Larry says he's not always on the borrow, and Amer-Larry makes a similarly unbelievable claim, although in his case it's a bit more plausible at this point because his character is less familiar, only known for giving Jack a puppy in order to cancel a debt.
The Larrys will come up with the money themselves, but they still want to borrow the projector. The Chrissys come in and the Larrys ask when the projector has to go back. The Chrissys aren't sure but ask why the Larrys want to know. Meanwhile, Jo comes in wearing a towel. She wants her sponge back. Robin presents it to her.
The Larrys say they want another chance of seeing the Chrissys' movies. The Larrys say they really enjoyed it. Jack rolls his eyes. Jo says, "Oh, may God forgive you." She says he fell asleep. He says that's why he wants to watch again, because he missed most of it.
The Chrissys can't show the movies right now because Brit-Chrissy is meeting Neil at noon, while Amer-Chrissy is meeting him in half an hour. Amer-Chrissy says, "Oh, darn," so Jack imitates this when feigning disappointment. Brit-Chrissy says to Robin, "And you said it was boring." She adds that some people are easily bored, and she exits.
N.F.T.: This transitions to a sign that reads, "N.F.T. presents/ An Exhibition of STILLS/ from the FILM ARCHIVES 1894-1920." A couple, he with a beard, walk over to the sign and look very happy.
Then we see Neil and Chrissy and she looks very bored as he talks about a still from 1894. When he mentions D.W. Griffith, she thinks "Dee" is a woman. He says Griffith pioneered the close-up. She says she used one in her film. She says she knows her film wasn't very good, it was pretty terrible. At first he's polite, and then he says it was dreadful. She's hurt.
They go over to another still. Then he recognises a blonde named Diana. He and Diana met at a film conference. He "pinched her seat," but this is said without innuendo. They talk about the conference and clasp hands for about 15 seconds. Chrissy now looks jealous but still bored.
There's no equivalent scene on 3'sC. Catherine Riding plays Diana, and she has only a few, very minor credits.
Approval: One of the tasks Mildred said George should be doing (when she was yelling at him and broke her face pack) was mending the stairs, so that's what he's doing in the next scene. Meanwhile, Stanley is clipping the hedge outside his apartment.
Jo comes down the stairs, and then Brit-Larry comes in the building, happy she's going out. She's going to the laundrette.
Amer-Larry comes downstairs and asks Stanley if he's clipping the hedge. Stanley says Larry is very observant. Larry tries to hide the film behind his back. Janet has a laundry bag, so Larry asks if she's going to the laundromat. Stanley tells her that Larry is very observant.
After Jo leaves, Brit-Larry trips over George while going up the stairs. He drops his movie. Janet accidentally knocks down the film with her laundry bag as she exits. Mr. Roper picks up the film and reads the title: Red, Hot, and Randy in England, Naked Dreams in America. The cover isn't visible in America, but the British one shows a naked woman turned to the side, her face, arm and shoulder visible. Her hair is sort of like in the bottom picture here: http://gugelpicek.blogspot.com/2010/07/60s-hairstyles-60s-hair.html .
The Larrys say there's a projector upstairs. Mr. Roper asks if the Larrys are going to show the film on it. The Larrys say that's a good idea. Mr. Roper says that as landlord, it's his duty to see that any film shown in this house meets with his approval, and he does approve of the title.
The Larrys invite Mr. Roper up to watch the movie. Mr. Roper says he'll go get his glasses, Stanley so eager that he doesn't even let Larry finish the invitation.
Cleaning: George/Stanley hunts for his glasses. Mildred comes in with a magazine that has a cover of a woman naked except for stockings, one hand covering her crotch. Helen enters with Playhouse. Mrs. Roper found her husband's hiding place. He says he doesn't hide the magazines, he leaves them in a convenient spot. Anyway, what was she doing on top of the wardrobe? She says she was cleaning up the dirt. Mildred flicks her feather duster at the magazine.
Mildred says she's going to make a serious effort to understand why he reads this sort of muck. Helen says she's going to do her best to try to understand why he reads this stuff.
Mildred opens the magazine to the centrefold and asks, "What does that do for you?" He hesitates, then puts on his glasses. He says the girl is upside-down. She says the girl was photographed that way.
We mostly see the covers, but if you pause at the right moment (which of course viewers couldn't do 35 years ago), you'll see that when Mildred holds the magazine sideways, there's a tan or black woman with black pubes! This is even more startling than the dirty-word Scrabble.
On 3'sC, the centerfold is much more discreet. We see a girl whose very long red hair hangs down from her head and covers most of her naked body. Stanley may say he reads about the automobiles, but he doesn't know what a Ferrari is. Helen says there's one right next to the girl with the big-- He says, "Ah! Nice hubcaps."
Mildred: What has she got that I haven't got?
George: Now don't be silly, Mildred.
Helen: Why do you have to look at pictures like that when you've got me around?
Stanley: All day long people have been asking me stupid questions.
Colo(u)r: Upstairs, the Larys are trying to load the blue movies onto the projectors. Brit-Larry says the movie is in full colour, mostly pink. Amer-Larry says it's flesh color mostly. Brit-Larry says the movie has sound. Robin asks what kind. Larry laughs as he says, "I dread to think."
Robin/Jack asks Larry what this sort of thing does for him. Larry says Robin/Jack is just as interested as he is. Robin denies that and will sit here denying it all through the movie.
Then the Chrissys come home. Brit-Chrissy says boring Neil met a boring girl and had a boring conversation about boring film and she got bored. Amer-Chrissy says she's had it with that stupid boring Neil. He told her how awful her movie was. "Who does he think he is, D.W. Hitchcocks?" (Combining two of the directors mentioned on MatH.) The guys mouth, "What?" at each other.
The Chrissys ask what the men are doing. Robin stutters and then says Larry is going to watch Chrissy's movie. On 3'sC, Larry does most of the stuttering.
When they see that the Larrys are having trouble with the projector, the Chrissys say they can do it, no problem. Robin/Jack says there is one problem.
Jo/Janet returns, since the laundrette/laundromat is closed on Sundays. The Larrys and Robin/Jack say, "Two problems," in sync.
When the Chrissys say they're going to show the home movies again, Jo/Janet wants to go out again. Robin/Jack says that's a good idea and they can all go out, since only the Larrys want to watch.
Then Mr. Roper comes in the open door without knocking, glasses in hand. George/Stanley is surprised that Brit-Chrissy/Janet is interested in this sort of movie.
Jo: Of course she is. She's in it.
Amer-Chrissy: Of course she's interested. She's in it!
Stanley is particularly shocked. The audience claps.
Brit-Chrissy says so are Jo and Robin. "Larry gets a bit as well." Janet says, "So are Jack and Chrissy." Brit-Chrissy wants George's opinion, like does she zoom in too quickly? He says, "I'll watch out for that."
Mrs. Roper comes in. She says her husband snuck out when her back was turned, Helen adding the detail that she was checking on her casserole. Mr. Roper says he was invited upstairs. Brit-Chrissy/Amer-Chrissy say it was to watch her home movie. Mrs. Roper wants to watch, Helen especially enthusiastic.
Stanley: I'm tired. Why don't we go to bed?
Helen: No, Stanley, I'd rather do something we can do together.
Robin tells Brit-Larry, "Oh, death, where is thy knife?", presumably deliberately mangling the quote. Jack goes over to Amer-Larry with a fake smile and asks where the earthquakes are when you really need them, a more Southern Californian kind of comment.
The Larrys think Robin/Jack should say/do something. Jack says, "Me do something? It's your movie." He punches Amer-Larry's shoulder. But he does try Charades. Larry mimes cutting. Robin suggests a game of cards, or Twenty Questions, or I Spy.
The distractions don't work, so Robin/Jack says he did his best. The Larrys say, "That was your best?"
The Chrissys start the movies. Robin and Brit-Larry cover their eyes. But in England we see The Nearsighted Mr. Magoo, while America gets Woody Woodpecker. Robin and Larry hear Jim Backus's chuckles and lower their hands. On MatH, everyone is puzzled for different reasons, but Amer-Chrissy says, "What a nice surprise, Larry! They always show the cartoon before the main feature!" (And, yes, they sometimes still did that in the late '70s. By the rise of the VCR in the mid '80s, the practice had faded.)
Brit-Larry: That cost me a bloody fiver!
Amer-Larry: Fifty bucks for Woody Woodpecker?
Brit-Larry says he'll murder that Ken. Robin says, "Or Fred or Sid or whatever his name was." Then he playfully slaps Larry and the episode ends.
Jack is very amused and he says, "Thank God for Kenneth Whatshisname! He really gave you the bird!" Then he does the "Woody" laugh. Helen laughs a lot. Janet mostly seems amused by her.
Artist: For the 3'sC tag, Amer-Chrissy is wearing an artist's smock and making a charcoal picture as Stanley poses with a plunger. He's apparently been doing this for two hours.
Jack and Janet come home with groceries. Janet tells Jack that Chrissy's new boyfriend is a painter. (Janet always seems to know more about Chrissy's boyfriends than Jack does, which makes sense considering she's Chrissy's best friend, and Jack usually dislikes Chrissy's beaus.) They go over and look at the picture. They think it's pretty good and Mr. Roper won't believe the likeness. Then there's a shot of Chrissy signing her name to a picture of the plunger. All in all, one of the stronger tags, although I can see why it got cut in syndication like most of them.
Commentary: From MatH's new credits onward, this pair of episodes is about teasing the audience. That we actually do get to see some porn on MatH is deliciously ironic, although my guess is that they figured it was easier to buy an actual skin mag than to invent something like Playhouse. (Or they wanted to see what they could get away with, like the dirty Scrabble.) Like I said, without a pause button, '70s audiences would only get a glimpse. And the British censors are obviously a lot less strict than the American ones.
The part with Jo's bikini top being fished away will remain through the season, as I know from watching MatH31, but it does foreshadow what happens to her during Chrissy's movie. This pair of episodes is unusual for having Robin and Jack chase after the J-girls more than the Chrissys. Not only do they hope to see Jo and Janet without their bikini tops, but there are the opening scenes with them using boredom as an excuse for seduction, as well as Jack backing Janet up onto the kitchen table during Chrissy's home movie. (Actually, Robin gets fresher with himself than he does with anyone else.) Instead of feeling competitive with the Neils, like they did with Ian/Lloyd and David/Michael, they seem to have given up on the Chrissys for the moment. (Not that RCST is dead by any means, just hibernating.)
Brit-Neil seems like a pretentious jerk throughout, but Amer-Neil doesn't seem too bad, until he offscreen is harsh about Chrissy's movie. Amer-Chrissy's parents are happy to hear she's dating a Methodist (her religion being more integral to 3'sC than the passing reference on MatH), but it doesn't take her roomies long to start talking about who she should date "next time." And indeed she's already hooked up with some nameless artist by the end of the episode.
As with the line about only a man would get a girl pregnant, some of the lines that Brit-Chrissy says that sound like simple mistakes become fodder for the dumb-blonding of Amer-Chrissy, like the expansion of the Einstein slip.
It's interesting that instead of the scene at the exhibition, we get the sub-subplot of Stanley fixing Jack's window and being frightened by Jack hitting on him. Stanley doesn't make any homophobic remarks this episode, but there's a sense of payback for the times he has.
These episodes seem to have more than their share of comedic references to violence. Among them:
1. Janet yanking Jack by his hair
2. Stanley threatening to "come after" Helen (although she takes it sexually of course)
3. Mildred hitting George with a magazine
4. Mildred relating to the murderous mummy
5. Janet choking Chrissy
6. Jack punching Larry's shoulder
7. Brit-Larry saying he'll murder "Ken"
8. Robin slapping Larry
Also, the relationship between the Amer-Ropers is much more antagonistic than that between the Brit-Ropers on these episodes.
It feels like Helen gives up on Stanley more this episode than Mildred does with George. Mildred yells at George, while Helen says, "Oh, go fix your window." Helen pulls the sheet over her head rather than continue trying to seduce Stanley. And she would rather watch a home movie than go to bed with him because the former is something they can do together.
It's slightly surprising that Mildred saves one of George's magazines, and seems to want to use it as a tool of arousal, but neither Mr. Roper wants to share pornography with his wife. (George probably had to find a new place to stash his magazines when Larry moved into the attic.) I don't know the laws on exhibiting adult movies in private residences, not for profit, in the 1970s, U.K. or U.S., but it's a safe bet that landlords had no such duty to approve them.
Jo sunbathes on her stomach and undoes the top of her bikini. A fisherman catches her top. She's next shown sitting up, with a towel over her front. She's surprised and then amused. Robin strips off his shirt then hands it to Jo. He and Chrissy smile. Robin takes off his hat, which says, "Hello Sailor," and bows to Jo.
I don't like these as much as the zoo credits, although Robin's chivalry is cute. It feels off to have Chrissy suddenly having mishaps like this. (Jo's mishap is not of her own making.) Also, there's less of a feel to the trio having fun together, compared to the zoo credits. I'm guessing for series six, we'll get a modification of these, but I won't spoil myself this time.
As for the episode itself, it aired on 4 September 1975, just about two years after "And Then There Were Two." The title is of course a reference to the 1971 film directed by Peter Bogdanovich, based on the 1966 novel by Larry McMurtry. The Americans went with the more prosaic "Home Movies" for their 24th episode, which appeared on Jan. 24, 1978. That placed #14 in the ratings, the second-lowest rated episode in the first three years of the show. (The pilot was #28). Not that that's a bad rating, but it feels particularly low considering the teasing premise.
Battleship Potemkin: MatH opens with Jo and Robin sitting on the settee. She's reading a magazine and he's watching the telly, with an archbishop at the Methodist Conference. Jack and Janet are watching TV together, but from their body language, she's riveted and he's bored. A male character is threatening suicide, with his wife trying to talk him out of it.
Robin uses the remote to switch to a description of a boxing match. Then he switches back to the conference, amused at the juxtaposition. Jo tells him to stop that or he'll break the channel-changer. He says there's nothing else to do.
When Jack switches the channel, Janet is upset. Jack switches back, at a dentures commercial, which he makes segue into a glue ad. All Janet catches is the end of the movie. When Jack gets off the couch, she lies down.
Robin /Jack says the ice glaciers are advancing at a rate of half an inch every year. He thinks they should take advantage of the time left, so he tries to take advantage of her. In Robin's case, he jumps her and she pushes him off. Jack is less aggressive. He hovers over Janet's supine body and tries to kiss her. She pushes him away and says no dice. He tries to use the remote on her.
Brit-Chrissy comes home with a man wearing glasses, a plaid jacket, and a pink tie. He's a very tall redhead who smokes a pipe and carries a briefcase. Amer-Chrissy's date looks less stereotypically pseudo-intellectual, but both he and she are wearing turtlenecks. Peter Greene plays Brit-Neil and he doesn't have any memorable credits, just the usual Dr. Who, Carry On, etc. Stuart Gillard would go on to be a successful director, most notably for Avonlea and Charmed, so his role as Neil the film buff feels especially appropriate.
The Chrissys are surprised that their roommates are still awake. Robin says it's half past ten. When Amer-Chrissy says, "I thought you two would be in bed by now," Jack smiles and says, "It's not for lack of trying." Janet puts popcorn in his mouth.
The Chrissys introduce their date, Neil. He belongs to the local film society, which tonight was showing The Battleship Potemkin ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Battleship_Potemkin ), with two hours of footage that Eisenstein left on the cutting room floor. Jo says, "We had a pretty boring evening, too." Chrissy suggests Jo make coffee. For once, 3'sC is subtler. Janet just looks dubious and goes to make herself coffee.
Brit-Chrissy and Neil sit on the settee, she next to Robin. She and Robin make faces at each other, as she tries to signal to him to leave. Amer-Chrissy and Neil sit down on the couch, but Jack remains standing. (I have a theory, which I'm not going to try to prove, that Jack says more of his lines standing than Robin does, at least in the early years of the show. I have a strong composite mental image of him delivering punch lines that way, sometimes with his arms crossed. Robin is more likely to be slouching in the chair or on the settee, because he's more laidback.)
Robin/Jack says that Chrissy said Neil is interested in rotten old films. She says she didn't say it like that. Neil says it's a fair/good point though, since most of them are on nitrate stock, which doesn't last long. Robin/Jack says two hours sounds long enough to him.
In talking about the movie, the Chrissys accidentally say Einstein. The Neils correct them, Amer-Neil adding that Einstein did the theory of relativity. Amer-Chrissy asks, "Was that a silent or a talkie?" Jack is amused, so she tells him to go help Janet.
Brit-Chrissy says you could feel the man's (Eisenstein's) presence in every frame. This reminds Neil and he takes a wrapped gift out of his briefcase. Now Chrissy tells Robin to go help Jo. Robin is very winky about leaving the room. Jack is even worse, taking Robin's simple line of leaving them to get on with it and making it into "I'll leave you two to get it on." He slaps himself and says, "I mean to get on with it."
Brit-Chrissy looks like she's about to kiss Neil, then Robin pops back in from the kitchen to say they won't be interrupted. Amer-Neil looks like he's going to kiss Chrissy, as he puts his arm behind her. They even move in for a kiss, before Jack comes back to say, "Don't worry, no one will disturb you." They try again, but he returns to say everybody in this building minds their own business. Janet has to yank him back into the kitchen.
We get a little scene in the British kitchen. Robin didn't know it's almost Chrissy's birthday. Jo says that all week Chrissy has been saying, "I'm 22 on Saturday." Well, what do you know? Chrissy was lying to her mum! Unless she's now lying to her flatmates. If she's 22 on some Saturday in late August (this episode covering at least a few days), then that puts her birthday in August 1953. She moved to London when she was 18 and turned 20 around the time we met her. She was still 20 when she was dating the 30-year-old.
Robin says he forgot to get Chrissy a gift and there's no time. Jo says, "And the ice glaciers are advancing half an inch every year."
Perfume: We switch to the Ropers' bedroom, where she's wearing a frilly nightdress/gown and spraying herself with perfume. Mildred even puts it in her mouth and cleavage! Mrs. Roper calls out to her husband.
He comes in with his toolcase/toolbox. When she asks why, he says something's missing from it. She asks if he means his mucky/dirty little magazines. He says they're art. Helen gets the line, "Yeah, they're full of busts." Mildred says they have titles like Wink, Nudge, and Titter. George buys them for the articles on motoring and male fashion. Mildred looks at him in his boring striped pyjamas. Stanley says he buys them for the articles on male fashion and automobiles. Helen doesn't really react.
Mildred packed them up and gave them to Oxfam (second Oxfam reference on the show). Helen gave them to the Salvation Army. Stanley threatens, "Helen, one of these days you're gonna make me come after you." She says, "God knows I try."
Mr. Roper gets into bed and then wonders what the bad smell is. She says it's her perfume. Mildred's is "Tonight or Never," Helen's "Now or Never." Mr. Roper says that's half right.
Mildred actually saved one of George's magazines, but he's not in the mood. He soon falls asleep and snores, or at least fakes it. She hits him with the magazine. On 3'sC, all we get is Helen pulling the sheet over her head in frustration.
Presenting: In the kitchen the next morning, Brit-Chrissy is unwrapping her birthday presents. Jo got her a nice bracelet but a card for a 4-year-old. Jo didn't read the verse first. Robin, who's in his "slow dancing" shirt from the gardening episode, gives her an IOU for a card and present.
Larry comes in, wearing his Oxford shirt. He wants to borrow a sausage (said without innuendo). He asks, "Who's in line for the big birthday kiss from me?" Robin queenily says, "Well, if you really insist," and puckers up. Larry doesn't kiss anyone.
The American trio are reading the newspaper in sections, which after awhile they trade counter-clockwise. Chrissy gets the obituaries and says it happened again, people keep dying in alphabetical order! The doorbell rings and she goes to get it before Janet can explain. Jack says sometimes Chrissy is right about these things, and maybe they should change their names to something beginning with Z. Janet says he'd have to call himself Jack Zipper. He says he wouldn't like that because people would make remarks like "Hey, fella, your name is open!"
Amer-Chrissy returns with a package from home. She says it's not her birthday or anything. Jack says he was beginning to feel guilty. (But I thought Chrissy was born in December/January? Again, lousy continuity.)
Brit-Neil's card says he didn't know what to get her, so he got her something he needs himself. Robin asks how Neil put a kick up the backside in the box. Chrissy says, "Oh, you've never liked him," making it sound like she's gone out with Neil awhile.
Neil got her a cinecamera. Robin says, "As seen on television," probably a reference to a specific advert. Amer-Chrissy's parents got her a movie camera, too. She says she told them she's dating "a nice Methodist boy who likes films." Jack says, "Great. Next time tell them you're going out with a banker."
The Chrissys say they'll have lots of fun with the camera as soon as they learn how to use it. Robin/Jack shows her that she's holding it backwards.
Curse: Mildred is reading Beauty Time magazine. She lowers the cover and we see that she's wearing a white "face pack" as she calls it. It needs to set for ten minutes. Meanwhile, Helen is lying on the couch with a green face.
Mr. Roper comes home wearing a raincoat. Stanley is reading Playhouse, with a buxom blonde in a lowcut blouse and what a few years later would be known as Daisy Dukes. He has other magazines rolled up in his pockets. He sees Helen resting on the couch, so he hides this magazine in a pocket, too.
George says he had his morning constitutional around the block. Stanley says there's nothing like a nice brisk walk around the block first thing in the morning. Helen says she thought he went upstairs to fix the window in the kids' apartment. (It's a different window this time, as we'll see.)
Mr. Roper notices the face pack and is surprised, but then he tells her he likes it and she should leave it on. She says insults bounce right off her. He says a brick would bounce right off that stuff.
George says Christopher Lee had something like it in Curse of the Mummy. He went around murdering people. Mildred says she knows how he felt. Stanley says Lon Chaney wore something like this in The Mummy's Curse. He does his patented take, but it doesn't get applause. Then she says, "He's got his curse, I've got you," and that they clap for. Christopher Lee never actually did a movie called Curse of the Mummy, but he was in The Mummy (1959) as the title role. Lon Chaney, Jr. did star in The Mummy's Curse (1944).
Mr. Roper is going to take a shower/bath, and his wife wonders why he's wearing his raincoat. Mildred says he's been buying more of those dirty little magazines. He refuses to discuss it. She yells at him and breaks her face pack. She cries.
Helen says he can give those dirty magazines a bath, too. He claims he got Popular Mechanics and Reader's Digest. She says, "Oh, go fix your window." He leaves.
Interesting: Upstairs, Brit-Chrissy has three lamps on as she films Robin sitting in a chair in the lounge. She tells him, "Don't just sit there, do something interesting." So he lifts his shirt and touches his nipples. She says, "Not too interesting." He lowers his shirt.
Amer-Chrissy films Jack reading Fashion magazine. When she tells him to do something interesting, he does his perve act and comes towards her. She tells him not that interesting.
Jo comes in from the kitchen and tries to put face powder on Robin, Jamaican Dust. He theatrically exclaims, "With hazel eyes? You must be mad! Cancel my contract, I'm leaving the set!" Janet manages to put face powder on Jack, but he balks at blue eyeshadow. He says, "I'm walking off the set, cancel my contract."
Brit-Chrissy follows Robin through the kitchen. Amer-Chrissy goes after Jack across the living room. The Chrissys are still filming, so they say to do something natural. Robin/Jack opens the bathroom door and says, "I'm about to," and she can't film it.
Brit-Chrissy has Jo pour cornflakes into a bowl, meanwhile smiling, frowning, and then laughing. The cornflakes get all over the table, but neither girl seems to care. Amer-Chrissy takes flowers out of a vase just so Janet will arrange them. She makes Janet laugh, too, for quite awhile. Then the Chrissys say tomorrow they must try this with film in the camera.
Jo says, "What?" and the British scene ends there. But Janet chokes Amer-Chrissy and then the doorbell rings. As she goes to get it, she says, "Next time, please date a stamp collector."
She lets in Mr. Roper. She asks if it's raining outside and he says no. Jack returns from the bathroom, still made-up. He also asks if it's raining. When Mr. Roper asks about Jack's face, he says, "Just a little eyeshadow. Do you like it?" He leans forward. The audience laughs and appluads.
The broken window is in Jack's room, so he goes in and beckons to Mr. Roper with only his hand and arm visible. Mr. Roper says he'll find it himself. Jack reemerges and hisses at him. The audience is delighted. The trio are very amused.
The first picture show: The next scene is also in the lounge/living room, but everyone's in a different outfit from before. Brit-Neil is at a projector, while Chrissy sets up a screen, with Robin and Jo on the settee. In America, Neil is on the couch, Chrissy is at the projector, and Jack does the screen. Janet is absent but presumably watches the movie at some point, based on her behavior later in the episode.
Jack says he's going to the game with Larry tonight (probably basketball again). As the doorbell rings, Jack says he's sure Chrissy's movie will deserve to be hidden away in the archives. She takes this as a compliment. Jack lets Larry in. Larry says the game starts in 15 minutes, but Jack says this won't take long.
Brit-Larry lets himself in, "ready for the big premiere." He makes another joke about strawberry ripple, which I still don't understand.
On MatH, Larry is of course an established character by now, the sixth biggest on the show (after the trio and the Ropers). But this is actually only the second appearance of Amer-Larry.
Brit-Neil says that he borrowed the projector from the film society. Robin mocks Neil's posh accent in an aside to Larry. Jack tells Amer-Larry that Neil collects old sprocket holes.
The Chrissys start the movies. Brit-Chrissy's is in black & white and silent. The shots are very blurry and shaky at first. Robin holds up a movie clapboard that has Chrissy and Friends as the movie title. He hurts his hand shutting the clapboard on it.
Then Robin, Jo, and Larry stand close together. Chrissy wanted an action shot, so they all jump once. Larry looks bored, Jo as if she's having a great time, and Robin somewhere in between.
Next a shirtless Robin dives, and then splashes in a kiddie pool. Chrissy seems to have filmed at least some of this movie in a park.
Larry opens his shirt and starts to unzip his trousers. Then we see a random housewife (in curlers) smiling and modeling for the camera.
Jo plays with a beach ball but she's lit so darkly that we can't see any details. Thus, when Chrissy says this is the part where Jo lost the top of her bikini, and Larry and Robin lean forward on the settee, we can't see anything. Chrissy admits, "Not a good shot really."
Chrissy put herself in, like Hitchcock she says. She's wearing a long dress and holding a drink. She sits in a chair with an umbrella, which after a few moments closes on her.
Amer-Chrissy's movie, in contrast, is all set in the trio's living room. It opens with an extreme close-up of Jack's smile, at a 45-degree angle. Jack mimes a clapboard and camera. This is also a silent movie, but in color.
Janet comes in the front door. For the "action" shot, she and Jack do lots of hopping, still at the odd angle.
Then we get a normal angle for Jack in the kitchen, making an omelet or souffle. He tries to flip it but has to catch it in his hand and put it back in the pan. Janet comes over and kisses his cheek. He exaggerates his surprise. Then he kisses her and backs her onto the table.
Next is a sideways shot of Jack with a glass. Janet hands him a wine bottle. He pours the wine into the glass. The men and Chrissy tilt their heads as they watch.
Chrissy says in the next part Janet is going to the beach. Janet enters from her bedroom in a pink bikini, holding a beach ball. Chrissy says Janet loses the top of her bikini. The men lean forward. But we next see a close-up of Janet's face looking worried and surprised. Then she smiles. The camera backs up, to reveal her holding the beach ball in front of her. We can just see her naked shoulders. The men lean back.
The film ends and the Chrissys ask, "What did you think?" The Brits are particularly speechless, till Neil says it was very interesting. Robin agrees. In America, it's Larry who agrees with Neil that it was very interesting. Brit-Chrissy says there are another 20 minutes to go, while Amer-Chrissy says there are six more reels. The men's body language says they're dreading it, the American men in particular. Amer-Larry even tries to leave, but Jack stops him. (So much for the game.)
And both shows go to a break.
Sampler: When MatH comes back, we open on a sampler that says, "Home Sweet Home." For some reason the audience finds this funny.
Robin is in a bathrobe (dressing gown?), with a towel over his shoulder. He walks through the kitchen and towards the bathroom. He opens the door but doesn't go in. Jack comes out of his bedroom fully dressed and goes into the bathroom.
Robin/Jack apologizes to Jo/Janet, who's having a bath. (We don't see anything, on MatH because she's offscreen and on 3'sC because of the shower curtain.) Robin/Jack says they really need to get the lock fixed. (Yeah, it's been over a year on both shows!) Robin steps away and then goes back as he talks, while Jack just says the bit about people coming in and staring at her. Jo/Janet tells Robin/Jack to get out and throws the sponge at him. Jack tells Janet she needs more bubbles.
Someone knocks/rings the doorbell. Robin/Jack answers it. It's Larry. Amer-Larry hasn't yet fully transitioned from his car-salesman plaid to his swinging singles threads, but he is wearing a suede jacket.
The Larrys ask if the girls are home. Robin/Jack say the Chrissys are getting dressed and Jo/Janet's having a bath. Robin says, "They actually float," which the audience takes suggestively, then he holds up the sponge. Amer-Larry asks, "What are you doing with the sponge?" Jack says he has to do everything around here.
The Larrys want to borrow the projector. Robin/Jack says they'll have to ask the Chrissys. The Larrys say the Chrissys might not approve of blue movies.
Last week Brit-Larry met a bloke at the pub (unspecified but probably the White Swan), while Amer-Larry met a guy at the Regal Beagle. The bloke was named Ken, Sid, or Fred. He works for customs. He confiscated some blue movies, red hot stuff. They should've been burned but his lighter wasn't working. He's selling them for a fiver a throw.
The guy was named Kenneth. Amer-Larry doesn't know him well enough to be on last-name terms. Kenneth has a friend on the vice squad. He has some really hot films that were confiscated and should've been burned. Kenneth is selling them for 50 bucks. (Either the exchange rate and the inflation between 1975 and '78 were incredible, or Amer-Larry is getting ripped off even more than we think.)
Robin/Jack doesn't want to loan the Larrys any money. Brit-Larry says he's not always on the borrow, and Amer-Larry makes a similarly unbelievable claim, although in his case it's a bit more plausible at this point because his character is less familiar, only known for giving Jack a puppy in order to cancel a debt.
The Larrys will come up with the money themselves, but they still want to borrow the projector. The Chrissys come in and the Larrys ask when the projector has to go back. The Chrissys aren't sure but ask why the Larrys want to know. Meanwhile, Jo comes in wearing a towel. She wants her sponge back. Robin presents it to her.
The Larrys say they want another chance of seeing the Chrissys' movies. The Larrys say they really enjoyed it. Jack rolls his eyes. Jo says, "Oh, may God forgive you." She says he fell asleep. He says that's why he wants to watch again, because he missed most of it.
The Chrissys can't show the movies right now because Brit-Chrissy is meeting Neil at noon, while Amer-Chrissy is meeting him in half an hour. Amer-Chrissy says, "Oh, darn," so Jack imitates this when feigning disappointment. Brit-Chrissy says to Robin, "And you said it was boring." She adds that some people are easily bored, and she exits.
N.F.T.: This transitions to a sign that reads, "N.F.T. presents/ An Exhibition of STILLS/ from the FILM ARCHIVES 1894-1920." A couple, he with a beard, walk over to the sign and look very happy.
Then we see Neil and Chrissy and she looks very bored as he talks about a still from 1894. When he mentions D.W. Griffith, she thinks "Dee" is a woman. He says Griffith pioneered the close-up. She says she used one in her film. She says she knows her film wasn't very good, it was pretty terrible. At first he's polite, and then he says it was dreadful. She's hurt.
They go over to another still. Then he recognises a blonde named Diana. He and Diana met at a film conference. He "pinched her seat," but this is said without innuendo. They talk about the conference and clasp hands for about 15 seconds. Chrissy now looks jealous but still bored.
There's no equivalent scene on 3'sC. Catherine Riding plays Diana, and she has only a few, very minor credits.
Approval: One of the tasks Mildred said George should be doing (when she was yelling at him and broke her face pack) was mending the stairs, so that's what he's doing in the next scene. Meanwhile, Stanley is clipping the hedge outside his apartment.
Jo comes down the stairs, and then Brit-Larry comes in the building, happy she's going out. She's going to the laundrette.
Amer-Larry comes downstairs and asks Stanley if he's clipping the hedge. Stanley says Larry is very observant. Larry tries to hide the film behind his back. Janet has a laundry bag, so Larry asks if she's going to the laundromat. Stanley tells her that Larry is very observant.
After Jo leaves, Brit-Larry trips over George while going up the stairs. He drops his movie. Janet accidentally knocks down the film with her laundry bag as she exits. Mr. Roper picks up the film and reads the title: Red, Hot, and Randy in England, Naked Dreams in America. The cover isn't visible in America, but the British one shows a naked woman turned to the side, her face, arm and shoulder visible. Her hair is sort of like in the bottom picture here: http://gugelpicek.blogspot.com/2010/07/60s-hairstyles-60s-hair.html .
The Larrys say there's a projector upstairs. Mr. Roper asks if the Larrys are going to show the film on it. The Larrys say that's a good idea. Mr. Roper says that as landlord, it's his duty to see that any film shown in this house meets with his approval, and he does approve of the title.
The Larrys invite Mr. Roper up to watch the movie. Mr. Roper says he'll go get his glasses, Stanley so eager that he doesn't even let Larry finish the invitation.
Cleaning: George/Stanley hunts for his glasses. Mildred comes in with a magazine that has a cover of a woman naked except for stockings, one hand covering her crotch. Helen enters with Playhouse. Mrs. Roper found her husband's hiding place. He says he doesn't hide the magazines, he leaves them in a convenient spot. Anyway, what was she doing on top of the wardrobe? She says she was cleaning up the dirt. Mildred flicks her feather duster at the magazine.
Mildred says she's going to make a serious effort to understand why he reads this sort of muck. Helen says she's going to do her best to try to understand why he reads this stuff.
Mildred opens the magazine to the centrefold and asks, "What does that do for you?" He hesitates, then puts on his glasses. He says the girl is upside-down. She says the girl was photographed that way.
We mostly see the covers, but if you pause at the right moment (which of course viewers couldn't do 35 years ago), you'll see that when Mildred holds the magazine sideways, there's a tan or black woman with black pubes! This is even more startling than the dirty-word Scrabble.
On 3'sC, the centerfold is much more discreet. We see a girl whose very long red hair hangs down from her head and covers most of her naked body. Stanley may say he reads about the automobiles, but he doesn't know what a Ferrari is. Helen says there's one right next to the girl with the big-- He says, "Ah! Nice hubcaps."
Mildred: What has she got that I haven't got?
George: Now don't be silly, Mildred.
Helen: Why do you have to look at pictures like that when you've got me around?
Stanley: All day long people have been asking me stupid questions.
Colo(u)r: Upstairs, the Larys are trying to load the blue movies onto the projectors. Brit-Larry says the movie is in full colour, mostly pink. Amer-Larry says it's flesh color mostly. Brit-Larry says the movie has sound. Robin asks what kind. Larry laughs as he says, "I dread to think."
Robin/Jack asks Larry what this sort of thing does for him. Larry says Robin/Jack is just as interested as he is. Robin denies that and will sit here denying it all through the movie.
Then the Chrissys come home. Brit-Chrissy says boring Neil met a boring girl and had a boring conversation about boring film and she got bored. Amer-Chrissy says she's had it with that stupid boring Neil. He told her how awful her movie was. "Who does he think he is, D.W. Hitchcocks?" (Combining two of the directors mentioned on MatH.) The guys mouth, "What?" at each other.
The Chrissys ask what the men are doing. Robin stutters and then says Larry is going to watch Chrissy's movie. On 3'sC, Larry does most of the stuttering.
When they see that the Larrys are having trouble with the projector, the Chrissys say they can do it, no problem. Robin/Jack says there is one problem.
Jo/Janet returns, since the laundrette/laundromat is closed on Sundays. The Larrys and Robin/Jack say, "Two problems," in sync.
When the Chrissys say they're going to show the home movies again, Jo/Janet wants to go out again. Robin/Jack says that's a good idea and they can all go out, since only the Larrys want to watch.
Then Mr. Roper comes in the open door without knocking, glasses in hand. George/Stanley is surprised that Brit-Chrissy/Janet is interested in this sort of movie.
Jo: Of course she is. She's in it.
Amer-Chrissy: Of course she's interested. She's in it!
Stanley is particularly shocked. The audience claps.
Brit-Chrissy says so are Jo and Robin. "Larry gets a bit as well." Janet says, "So are Jack and Chrissy." Brit-Chrissy wants George's opinion, like does she zoom in too quickly? He says, "I'll watch out for that."
Mrs. Roper comes in. She says her husband snuck out when her back was turned, Helen adding the detail that she was checking on her casserole. Mr. Roper says he was invited upstairs. Brit-Chrissy/Amer-Chrissy say it was to watch her home movie. Mrs. Roper wants to watch, Helen especially enthusiastic.
Stanley: I'm tired. Why don't we go to bed?
Helen: No, Stanley, I'd rather do something we can do together.
Robin tells Brit-Larry, "Oh, death, where is thy knife?", presumably deliberately mangling the quote. Jack goes over to Amer-Larry with a fake smile and asks where the earthquakes are when you really need them, a more Southern Californian kind of comment.
The Larrys think Robin/Jack should say/do something. Jack says, "Me do something? It's your movie." He punches Amer-Larry's shoulder. But he does try Charades. Larry mimes cutting. Robin suggests a game of cards, or Twenty Questions, or I Spy.
The distractions don't work, so Robin/Jack says he did his best. The Larrys say, "That was your best?"
The Chrissys start the movies. Robin and Brit-Larry cover their eyes. But in England we see The Nearsighted Mr. Magoo, while America gets Woody Woodpecker. Robin and Larry hear Jim Backus's chuckles and lower their hands. On MatH, everyone is puzzled for different reasons, but Amer-Chrissy says, "What a nice surprise, Larry! They always show the cartoon before the main feature!" (And, yes, they sometimes still did that in the late '70s. By the rise of the VCR in the mid '80s, the practice had faded.)
Brit-Larry: That cost me a bloody fiver!
Amer-Larry: Fifty bucks for Woody Woodpecker?
Brit-Larry says he'll murder that Ken. Robin says, "Or Fred or Sid or whatever his name was." Then he playfully slaps Larry and the episode ends.
Jack is very amused and he says, "Thank God for Kenneth Whatshisname! He really gave you the bird!" Then he does the "Woody" laugh. Helen laughs a lot. Janet mostly seems amused by her.
Artist: For the 3'sC tag, Amer-Chrissy is wearing an artist's smock and making a charcoal picture as Stanley poses with a plunger. He's apparently been doing this for two hours.
Jack and Janet come home with groceries. Janet tells Jack that Chrissy's new boyfriend is a painter. (Janet always seems to know more about Chrissy's boyfriends than Jack does, which makes sense considering she's Chrissy's best friend, and Jack usually dislikes Chrissy's beaus.) They go over and look at the picture. They think it's pretty good and Mr. Roper won't believe the likeness. Then there's a shot of Chrissy signing her name to a picture of the plunger. All in all, one of the stronger tags, although I can see why it got cut in syndication like most of them.
Commentary: From MatH's new credits onward, this pair of episodes is about teasing the audience. That we actually do get to see some porn on MatH is deliciously ironic, although my guess is that they figured it was easier to buy an actual skin mag than to invent something like Playhouse. (Or they wanted to see what they could get away with, like the dirty Scrabble.) Like I said, without a pause button, '70s audiences would only get a glimpse. And the British censors are obviously a lot less strict than the American ones.
The part with Jo's bikini top being fished away will remain through the season, as I know from watching MatH31, but it does foreshadow what happens to her during Chrissy's movie. This pair of episodes is unusual for having Robin and Jack chase after the J-girls more than the Chrissys. Not only do they hope to see Jo and Janet without their bikini tops, but there are the opening scenes with them using boredom as an excuse for seduction, as well as Jack backing Janet up onto the kitchen table during Chrissy's home movie. (Actually, Robin gets fresher with himself than he does with anyone else.) Instead of feeling competitive with the Neils, like they did with Ian/Lloyd and David/Michael, they seem to have given up on the Chrissys for the moment. (Not that RCST is dead by any means, just hibernating.)
Brit-Neil seems like a pretentious jerk throughout, but Amer-Neil doesn't seem too bad, until he offscreen is harsh about Chrissy's movie. Amer-Chrissy's parents are happy to hear she's dating a Methodist (her religion being more integral to 3'sC than the passing reference on MatH), but it doesn't take her roomies long to start talking about who she should date "next time." And indeed she's already hooked up with some nameless artist by the end of the episode.
As with the line about only a man would get a girl pregnant, some of the lines that Brit-Chrissy says that sound like simple mistakes become fodder for the dumb-blonding of Amer-Chrissy, like the expansion of the Einstein slip.
It's interesting that instead of the scene at the exhibition, we get the sub-subplot of Stanley fixing Jack's window and being frightened by Jack hitting on him. Stanley doesn't make any homophobic remarks this episode, but there's a sense of payback for the times he has.
These episodes seem to have more than their share of comedic references to violence. Among them:
1. Janet yanking Jack by his hair
2. Stanley threatening to "come after" Helen (although she takes it sexually of course)
3. Mildred hitting George with a magazine
4. Mildred relating to the murderous mummy
5. Janet choking Chrissy
6. Jack punching Larry's shoulder
7. Brit-Larry saying he'll murder "Ken"
8. Robin slapping Larry
Also, the relationship between the Amer-Ropers is much more antagonistic than that between the Brit-Ropers on these episodes.
It feels like Helen gives up on Stanley more this episode than Mildred does with George. Mildred yells at George, while Helen says, "Oh, go fix your window." Helen pulls the sheet over her head rather than continue trying to seduce Stanley. And she would rather watch a home movie than go to bed with him because the former is something they can do together.
It's slightly surprising that Mildred saves one of George's magazines, and seems to want to use it as a tool of arousal, but neither Mr. Roper wants to share pornography with his wife. (George probably had to find a new place to stash his magazines when Larry moved into the attic.) I don't know the laws on exhibiting adult movies in private residences, not for profit, in the 1970s, U.K. or U.S., but it's a safe bet that landlords had no such duty to approve them.
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