"Come into My Parlour"

Mary Howitt published "The Spider and the Fly" in 1829 as a warning against lying seducers, and seductive liars.  It opens " 'Will you walk into my parlour?' said the Spider to the Fly."  This MatH episode, which could never have been Americanized into a 3'sC episode, plays off that poem, but not in the way I expected.  It aired a week after "Cuckoo in the Nest" and feels like it takes place soon after, but not immediately.


Cook Book:  Robin is reading Sex Maniacs Cook Book, while Jo is making a sandwich, thus setting up a food/sex dynamic.  She's on a diet, but this isn't a mealtime so it doesn't count.  Chrissy comes in and says that Robin has been stubbing out his cigarettes on her rubber tree plant.  This probably symbolises something, too.


Robin has an upcoming date with another girl from his technical college, this one studying Biology.  He's looking for recipes to seduce her.  He asks if either of his flatmates has eaten oysters.  Jo has.  She was in bed for three days, but with food poisoning.  He thinks that's close enough.  He's also going to serve steak tartare, which "rumour has it was the downfall of Doris Day."


Traditional:  As Chrissy puts items in her cart at the supermarket, Robin keeps asking the plain-looking shop assistant for various seductive items, till she finally tells him to look in the Aphrodisiacs aisle.  Unable to find powdered rhinoceros horn or even oysters, he decides not to get his date going on food.  Instead he'll use "a traditional English method....I'm gonna get her pissed."  (In the traditional English sense of drunk.)  Chrissy laughs.


Joan of Arc:  Jo and Larry are sitting at the usual table at the pub when Chrissy and Robin come in.  Chrissy bought Jo's slimming bread, although it doesn't seem to be working.  Jo thinks perhaps she isn't eating enough of it.


The fellows order drinks from Jim (although he's not shown).  Larry says he's getting the walls in the attic ready for papering.  Robin says he can't help since he's got a girl coming round.  Larry says, "We'll both be stripping off then, eh?"


When Larry hears that it's Angie from the technical college, he says she told him no.  Robin says, "Where the pupil fails, the master may succeed."  Larry points out that Angie was convent-educated, but Robin thinks she's warm under her coldness.


Chrissy has been listening for awhile and she now says that Joan of Arc and Florence Nightingale didn't "spread it about."  What does that make them?  Robin answers, "Dead, so let that be a warning to you."


Chrissy:  You want my opinion, we'd better off without men.  (She grabs a packet of crisps and then speaks to Robin.)  Oh, er, pay for those, will you?  (She goes back to her seat.)
Robin:  She wants to have it both ways.
Larry:  (intrigued) Does she?


Flash:  As Mildred is doing her mascara, George comes in with his holiday snaps.  She says that on their holiday, it tiddled down for ten days and he still got sunstroke.  He says she was laid up with Spanish tummy, so she couldn't go out anyway.  She says the hotel looked like a jail.  He says it was 27 quid, including the flight and meals.


Robin comes by.  She warns him that the holiday snaps are even more boring than they were last year when George forgot to take the lens cap off. 


Robin wants to borrow back his omelet pan.  While Mildred gets it from the kitchen, George shows Robin the pictures.  George says of the photo of the flamenco dancer in the nightclub, "I had a flash there."  But the "best" photo is of Mildred changing out of her costume.  (Bathing costume?)  Mildred is understandably shocked.


Web:  Later in the kitchen, spelling out the meaning of the title, Chrissy tells Robin, "You're like a spider in the middle of your web, waiting to trap her."


He, wearing his naughty apron, thinks she's jealous.  He puts his arms around her and keeps teasing that she's jealous, till she pulls away.
Chrissy:  Go and stuff your peppers!
Robin:  I have already stuffed my peppers, with hot, spicy meat.  To give her a thirst.  (He holds up a wine bottle.)
Chrissy:  Typical.  How long have you known this poor girl?
He says he's taken her out a couple times, to the disco and cinema, and tonight, with any luck, it'll be "bingo."


Annoyed, she goes into the lounge.
Chrissy;  Honestly, that's all he ever thinks about.  Sex.
Jo:  Well, you were only in there for two minutes.
Chrissy:  Not with me!
Jo:  Oh, I thought you were annoyed about something.


He's going to kick them out, since it's his turn to have the flat.  Chrissy says she'll put a smock on first, since Larry paints like a lawn sprinkler.


Robin:  (as he escorts Jo out) A word of warning.  Watch Larry.  He's like a spider in the middle of his web.  Waiting. 
Jo:  I'm only going up there to hold his ladder.
Robin:  That's how it always starts.


He goes in his bedroom, takes off his apron, sprays himself with cologne, and gives thumbs up to the sign on his wall, "LOVE ONE ANOTHER."  There's also a poster of a woman with exposed breasts.  He goes back to the lounge, puts the lights on, puts alcohol on a tray, turns the lights off, and sets the tray down.


Chrissy watches the last of this with her arms crossed.  "If you're not careful, you'll frighten Miss Muffet away," she says, invoking another cautionary poem.  Then she tries to talk seriously to him.
Chrissy:  Listen, Robin, have you got any genuine feelings for this Angie?
Robin:  Well, yes, of course.
Chrissy:  Apart from lust.
Robin:  (slowly) Oh, I see, you're talking about love and respect and, er, sharing and caring for her.
Chrissy:  (smiling in surprise) Yeah.
Robin:  I've got none of that, just lust.


The doorbell rings and he says he'll say Chrissy is the cleaning woman.
Chrissy:  You will not!
Robin:  Well, look, just say hello, goodbye, and then get out.


He greets Angie and takes her coat.  Then the two girls recognise each other, Chrissy calling Angie "Angela."  Angela has been in London three months but didn't know where Chrissy lived.  They were in school together and haven't seen each other in years.  Robin of course wants Chrissy to leave, but Angela says, "We're only going to eat and play records and chat, aren't we?"


The old friends talk about Jillian with the bad teeth and flat chest.  Angela says Jillian had them capped.  "They file them to a point and then they fit new ones on."


When Robin hints that Chrissy should go, Angela says, "Couldn't you stretch it so Chrissy could have some?", meaning dinner.  Chrissy looks at Robin with big eyes and an innocent smile.


Miss Whitaker:  The next morning, as Jo butters toast, she says, "I was only up there for five minutes and he put his arm around me."
Chrissy:  That's Larry.
Jo:  Then he put his other arm around me.
Chrissy:  Typical.
Jo:  Then he hoisted me up the ladder to whitewash his blasted ceiling.


Chrissy says she meant to come up, but she and Angela had lots to talk about.  Jo asks if Robin minded.  Robin hears this as he comes in.
Robin:  Did Robin mind?  Robin sat there for three solid hours, listening to hockey, netball, Jillian the school swot, Miss Whitaker the popular games mistress.  (to Jo) Would you like to know about Miss Whitaker?  Because Robin knows her life story.  And then Robin eventually went to bed and left them to it.  (He exits.)
Chrissy:  No, he didn't mind.
Jo:  I think he did.


Chrissy says she used to look after Angela in school. 
Jo:  But, Chrissy, she's not still in blue woolly bloomers.
Chrissy:  She wouldn't have been in any bloomers if I'd left her alone with him.
Jo:  So you stayed here and played gooseberry in the manger.


Robin returns and talks about Amy the tomboy, "who used to flick ink pellets, and Chrissy got blamed for it, didn't you, Chrissy?  And you know they took away her job as milk monitor, didn't they, Chrissy?"  He exits again.
Chrissy:  Well, I didn't flick the ink pellet.
Jo:  Oh, I'm staying out of this one.


Chrissy says Angela said she's serious about Robin.  And Chrissy knows Robin isn't at all serious about Angela.


Larry comes in to borrow a plate, but ends up "borrowing" eggs, bacon, knife, and fork.  Chrissy sarcastically offers the cooker.  He says he has his own, but it's not connected.  He tries the food and says it looks like it has bits of coal.  Jo says those are mushrooms.  They also smell and taste like coal.


Larry is going down to the pub later.  He's looking forward to the happy smiling faces.


Strawberry Ripple:  But at the Mucky Duck, the four of them look unhappy.  Larry and Jo don't blame Robin for being annoyed with Chrissy.  They think she's wrong.  While Robin is at the bar, Jo says, "You're not her mother."  Chrissy says, "I was her milk monitor."


Mr. Roper wants to show Robin more holiday snapshots, but Robin says, "I'm sorry, I find holiday snaps very boring."  Undeterred, Mr. Roper says that he does, too, other people's anyway.


When Robin comes back to the table, Chrissy apologises, although she admits she doesn't mean it.


Larry says that there will be other evenings and Robin is taking Angie out tonight. 
Robin:  To the cinema.  You can't do a lot in the cinema, can you?
Larry:  Yeah, that's true.  You're liable to put your foot in somebody's Strawberry Ripple.
(I thought at first he meant the '70s wine, but maybe he means strawberry ripple ice cream or something else more likely to be served at the cinema.)


Jo tries to comfort Robin by saying, "Well, there will be other evenings when you'll have the flat to yourself."  But Robin says he'll take tonight.


When Mr. Roper comes over, Robin invites all of them to the Ropers' to look at the holiday snaps.  He can't go himself because he has someone coming round.  Larry says he's decorating, and Jo says she's helping him.  So it'll just be Chrissy.


Horses and nuns:  That night, Robin does a repeat of the cologne and everything, except this time he also sprays it on the sign and his sheets.  Then he does the routine with the lounge lights and the tray of drinks.  Chrissy again watches with crossed arms.


He asks, "What do you think of my little web?"  After hesitating, she says that Angela hasn't been around very much.
Chrissy:  She's liable to take this sort of thing more seriously than you do.  She's had a lot to do with horses....And nuns.  Girls who've had a lot to do with horses don't often know a lot to do with men.  And life.
Robin:  Well, if you think it might make her feel any easier, I could wear a nosebag.


Robin makes her leave with Jo because he's worried she'll start chatting with Angie again.  He tells them not to come back before midnight, which, judging from "In Praise of Older Men," is their standard rule for having dates over. 


On the landing outside the flat, Chrissy asks if Jo wants to swap, meaning Jo would look at the holiday snaps while Chrissy helps Larry.  Jo says, "Not likely."


Fly:  After Chrissy knocks on the Ropers' door, Angela comes in the front door.  (It never seems to be locked.)  Chrissy starts to warn her about Robin, but Mr. Roper comes out to greet Chrissy.  He's dug out some holiday snaps from Cornwall, the year before last.  He asks of Angela, "Who was that?"  Chrissy says, "Just a fly."


Parlour:  This neatly transitions to Robin telling Angie, "Welcome to my parlour."  She thought they were going to the cinema, but he says it's only Curse of the Zombies and it'll be on TV (yes, he says TV, not the telly) in five years' time.


He asks what she drinks besides milk, and offers her Scotch.  She says yes, with lots of soda.  But, hoping to get her pissed, he puts in only a little soda.


He asks if she's been doing much riding lately.  She asks if he rides.  He says yes, but he can't keep his feet in the stirrup cups.


Gone with the wind:  Mildred hopes that George will take a break from the snaps.  "Even Gone with the Wind had an interval."  But George wants to show Chrissy their wedding photos.  Mildred thinks he should show something happier.  He says it was a happy occasion, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickess and in health. She says, "I lost the toss on every one."  She got married in navy blue, not exactly traditional.  George was in uniform.  He was a bus conductor, for about a fortnight.


Chrissy keeps looking up at the ceiling, worried about what's happening upstairs. 


Mildred:  There's no stopping him, once he gets going.
Chrissy:  What?  (realising she means George) Oh, him, yeah.
Mildred:  I mean, he'll keep it up till he's blue in the face.
Chrissy:  (still looking up) Yeah.
Mildred:  I mean, you know, he'll never take no for an answer.


George says it's a pity that the young fellow and his lady friend couldn't come down.  Mildred offers Chrissy another sherry but decides against it when Chrissy says the pictures are very good.  Chrissy tells George that they don't know what they're missing upstairs.  He suggests she invite them down.  She says she doesn't want to intrude, but there's nothing stopping him from popping upstairs.


Serious:  When we return upstairs, we see a close-up of a foot in pantyhose.  (A Graduate reference?)  The camera pans to Robin and Angie cuddling on the couch.  As he talks, she plays with his gold chain.  He says they've explored each other's minds and it's time to move on. 
Angie:  Are you really serious?
Robin:  Oh, yes.


She sits up and starts undoing the buttons on the front of her dress.  She tells him to not expect too much, since it'll be her first time.  At first he thinks she's kidding.  She says she knows it's old-fashioned, but she's been saving herself for someone who's really serious about her.  Some men think of women as sex objects.  One of the nuns told her that it's wrong unless you're married, but Angie thinks nowadays it's perfectly all right even before you're married.


He's really thrown for a loop.  He says there are a lot of men in this world she shouldn't trust, they're like spiders.  He stops her from further unfastening, when she's gotten down to around her navel.  He tries to rebutton her.


Angie:  Is this your first time, too?
Robin:  Well, I mean, erm, it's the first time for the first time, you see.


He thinks men and women should get to know each other before marriage. 
Robin:  You see, I'm not ready.
Angie:  Well, we've got all evening.
Robin:  I mean for marriage!


He pulls away and jumps off the sofa.  He starts to say she doesn't know much about men and life.  Then the doorbell rings.  Robin pulls Mr. Roper in, relieved.  He insists on George showing his holiday snaps to Angie.  Chrissy comes to the doorway and looks both baffled and annoyed.


Commentary:  The Howitt poem ends, "And now dear little children, who may this story read,
To idle, silly flattering words, I pray you ne'er give heed:
Unto an evil counsellor, close heart and ear and eye,
And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly."


It certainly works on the level of a poem for children, but the implication of sex is there.  The question is, what lesson are we to draw from this tale of MatH15? 


The fly in the poem presumably dies, although all we know is that "He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den,/ Within his little parlour -- but she ne'er came out again!"  Robin says that Joan of Arc and Florence Nightingale are dead, so let that be a warning to Chrissy, presumably to spread it about, or at least not to interfere with Angie spreading it about.


Even before Chrissy knows that Angie is her old schoolmate Angela, she worries about the poor girl he's trying to trap.  Although he and Jo think Chrissy is just jealous, I don't think that's what's going on here, and I don't count this as a RCST episode. 


Angela was convent-educated, as even Larry knows.  It's not clear if this was while she was at school with Chrissy, or if the girls went to primary school together and then Angela went to a Catholic secondary school.  (And now she's taking Biology at the technical college.)  Whether or not Chrissy was convent-educated, she seems to have obeyed the rules in school well enough to become milk monitor.  She also took a protective interest in Angela.  The "not her mother, but milk monitor" exchange is funny because it suggests mother's milk, but it also means that Chrissy took her position of authority in a motherly way that still affects how she sees other women.


Brit-Chrissy admittedly never seems protective of Jo in the way that Janet is of Amer-Chrissy.  Brit-Chrissy is a big sister to Jo, but the teasing, competitive sort.  I think this is because Jo, despite her occasional dottiness, is basically sensible and can take care of herself.  But with the poor convent-educated girl, Chrissy's maternal instincts come out.  And then when she learns that Angie is Angela, and that Angela is serious about Robin, she becomes even more protective.


Another thing going on here, related to that, is that Chrissy doesn't trust men, Robin in particular, since she gets regular demonstrations of his seduction techniques, on her and other girls.  Chrissy was always wary, but I think the experience with Ian has made her even more suspicious.  After all, she said then that she was through with men, and we haven't seen her on a date since, although she has flirted with Robin.  She still thinks we (women) would be better off without men, although they are nice to pay for things like crisps.


When Robin says she wants it both ways, Larry reacts as if Robin has called Chrissy bi.  Is that a possibility?  Could Chrissy be interested in Angela romantically?  Maybe, very subconsciously, but I don't get that sense.  Her feelings are more sisterly or maternal than romantic.


Jo says Chrissy played "gooseberry in the manger."  This is a combination of two old-fashioned terms.  "Playing gooseberry" is from the Victorian era and roughly means to chaperone, although it can be equivalent to the modern term "cockblock," with the term "gooseberry" by itself dating back to the 1700s and meaning "the unwanted companion of a pair of lovers."  The dog in the manger comes from a Greek fable that can be summed up as "There was a dog lying in a manger who did not eat the grain but who nevertheless prevented the horse from being able to eat anything either."  Jo is saying that not only didn't Robin (and perhaps Angela) want Chrissy there last night, but she was preventing Angela from having Robin when Chrissy herself refuses to have him.  According to wikipedia, the sexual interpretation of the fable is quite common, the Bronte sisters among others having noticed it.  I suppose, if you want to go with the bisexual subtext of this episode, Chrissy was also preventing Robin from having Angela because she's too closeted to go for Angela herself.


Even when Chrissy is downstairs at the Ropers', she can't stop worrying about Robin and Angela, and she applies Mildred's words about George ("blue in the face," etc.) to Robin.  It's ironic that Mildred, from a supposedly more sexually repressed generation, clearly wasn't a virgin when she married George, the navy blue dress and her past with the buck sergeant (and perhaps others) telling us this.


In the end, Chrissy uses the subplot of Mr. Roper's holiday snaps against Robin, as he's used it against her, but things don't turn out the way either of them expect.


And now to examine Robin's role in this.  At first, it's pretty straightforward.  He's going to seduce a girl using food or at least alcohol.  The food = sex equation that's suggested by Jo's diet and more overtly by Robin's cookbook is reinforced by Robin stuffing his peppers with hot, spicy meat.

Everyone sees through him except Angie.  Even the shop assistant does, and ironically Hilda Kriseman will return as his mother.  Despite his track record on the show, he thinks he's a master of seduction.  (The dynamic between him and Larry is very different than between Jack and Amer-Larry, who's supposed to be more of a lady's man, and sleazier, than Jack.)  He doesn't mind Chrissy's spider comparison, asking her what she thinks of his web and misquoting the Howitt poem to Angie.

With Liz, he talked about inner emotions and sharing something meaningful.  With Chrissy on "While the Cat's Away," he talked about the warm relationship.  But with Angie, he doesn't feel love, respect, caring, or sharing.  Yet he's still handing her a line, this time about exploring each other's minds.  Robin can't come right out and say, "Do you want to fuck?" (or the 1970s British television equivalent).  This being the time it is and he being the type of person he is, he has to disguise his physical urges with talk of emotions and thoughts.  (He even does this to himself, with his "LOVE ONE ANOTHER" sign.)  This is more dishonest, if less crude, and here at least it backfires on him.

It would've been funny if Angie was savvier than Chrissy thinks and she saw through Robin.  What if Angela was no angel and she was only pretending to be a virgin in order to pay Robin back for manipulating her?  She does appear to be completely sincere though, and I like that she seems like a real person who carefully considers her beliefs, not a stereotypical virgin or rebellious Catholic girl or something.  Caroline Dowdeswell gives a charming performance, and it's nice to know that she had a guest shot on Paula Wilcox's "single mum" sitcom of the late '70s, Miss Jones and Son.

Robin joked about perennial screen virgin Doris Day, but it turns out he's not ready for sex with a virgin.  This is a very old motif, as in Tom Jones (1749 novel), the rake who doesn't touch virgins.  I think in Robin's case it's not quite chivalry but more a dawning awareness that deflowering Angie would have consequences, including that she thinks it would lead to marriage.  Seriousness for him does not mean emotional seriousness.  He thought he would be "riding" tonight, but he can't keep his feet in the stirrups.

In the end, it's Robin whom Chrissy is mostly protecting, although she doesn't realise it.  And Mr. Roper saves the day with his "flash" photography.


A counterpoint to all this is the Larry & Jo sub-sub-plot.  Larry has been living in the attic long enough to want to redecorate, starting with the walls.  On "Colour Me Yellow," we learned that it's in the lease that they have to redecorate every three years, but Larry isn't waiting that long.  (No, I don't think three years have passed since last episode!)  The girls are both going to help, but then Chrissy ends up chatting the night away with Angela.  Even before this happens, Robin warns Jo against Larry, with the spider simile.  Jo says she's only going to hold Larry's ladder, but Robin says that's how it starts.

Instead, Larry puts Jo on the ladder and makes her whitewash the blasted ceiling.  It's hard to tell if she's annoyed because she had to do the work or because she thought he was making a move on her and he wasn't.  She's always disliked Larry less than Chrissy has and seems to get along with him all right now that he's not living in her flat.  We see them sitting in the pub together when Robin and Chrissy come in, and she agrees with him in Robin and Chrissy's argument.  She offers to help him again, although that's mostly to get out of seeing Mr. Roper's holiday snaps.  When given the chance to swap, she tells Chrissy, "Not likely."  All that said, I doubt anything happens upstairs in his "parlour."  Amer-Larry would've tried something but Brit-Larry mostly just makes innuendo with Robin and is restrained with the girls.