The penultimate episode of MatH does not take its title from the Bob Seger song, because the album that was on wasn't released till Oct. 22nd, 1976, and this aired on 31 March of that year. I suspect there are other songs with that title though, and in any case it's an old term, often applied to lust. As we'll see here, it is both figurative and literal.
Art: The episode opens in the bathroom, as Robin paints the ceiling and Chrissy does her mascara. She complains of the terrible pong (smell) of the paint.
Robin: Oh, charming. What would happen to the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel if Toulouse-Lautrec's missus had said that?
Chrissy: Michelangelo painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Toulouse-Lautrec did the skirting board.
Robin says they probably wouldn't have given him the big jobs after he cut his ear off (like Van Gogh).
She tells him that he knows nothing about art, and Norman does. He says he figured that name would crop up. She says Norman took her round the National. Robin is surprised the fences didn't get in the way. (I know she's talking about the National Gallery in London, but I'm not sure if he's referring to a racecourse or what.)
He says that for the last couple months it's been Norman, Norman, Norman. It's 1066 all over again.
Since he's sick of hearing Norman's name, she says that Mr. X is picking her up at one o'clock.
She goes into the kitchen, where Jo is reading sentimental love letters that turn out to be Chrissy's. Jo says Norman writes every single day. At 8 1/2p, it's got to be love. Chrissy says she'll have to hide the letters. Jo suggests Chrissy put them under her pillow with the rest of them. "I'd never think of looking there."
Robin comes in. After Chrissy refers to Mr. X a few times, he exclaims, "Stop talking about Mr. X!"
Chrissy tells Robin she's cooking Norman a meal.
Robin: I thought you liked him.
Chrissy: Anybody can cook. It's just a matter of thawing things out.
Robin is disgusted.
Chestnuts: Meanwhile, Mr. Roper is trying to figure out how to unblock his fireplace. He says it's not an occasion for brute force. His wife says that's good because that's not his strong point.
He says that when he was a kid, they'd have a big blazing open fire. "Me dad used to stand in front of it, roasting his chestnuts." Ahem. George's old granny said she could see pictures in the dancing flames. "They took her away in the end."
Mildred says he's not fooling her. He's nostalgic because of the forty-pound gas bill. He says he never did like central heating. It makes funny gurgling noises in the night.
Mildred: I thought that was you.
George: It switches off just when you need it.
Mildred: Now that is you.
He says that North Sea Gas smells of seaweed. She says sometimes she can see his granny in him.
Speckled: When Jo opens the door to Norman, she calls to Chrissy, "It's Mr. X."
Chrissy greets Norman with a peck on the cheek. He's holding a box and he says, "I brought you these." She says she'll put them in water, but he says they're chocolates.
Jo goes in the kitchen and tells Robin that Chrissy goes to pieces when Norman comes in. Robin enters the lounge and he and Norman say hello. Then Robin asks when Norman is going back to Southampton. (So he does live there! Not with the parents I assume.)
Chrissy: Robin!
Robin: The settee is still warm from the last time he was here.
Putting his arm on Robin's shoulder, Norman says, "If you've got something to say to me, say it now." Robin just says, "Hmph," because that's all he's got to say at the moment.
Chrissy goes to get her coat, telling them to try to be friends, for her sake.
Norman tells Robin that Chrissy's going to show him a few places he hasn't seen. "In London that is."
Robin tells Norman that if anybody messed Chrissy about, he'd kick him up his speckled grey trousers. Norman is of course wearing speckled grey trousers. Norman says, "I'd join you."
Norman: Now, look, Robin, is there anything between you and Chrissy?
Robin: Yeah. You.
Norman says may the best man win. Robin complains that that isn't fair.
Norman: You lack confidence. You've got to have confidence in yourself, however misplaced. You take after Dad in that respect.
Robin: Dad?
Norman: Yeah, he hasn't any confidence in you either.
Chrissy returns. Robin says they tried to be friends. "Well, I have. He hasn't."
Chrissy: How do you think a girl feels having two grown men fighting over her?
Robin: I don't know.
Chrissy: Absolutely marvelous. But stop it! I like both of you.
Norman: You're absolutely right. It was very silly, childish, and petty. And my own attitude hasn't been much better. (He laughs.)
Robin: He's at it again!
Fire down below: Downstairs, George is now putting little bits of wood in the fireplace. Mildred enters with a bucket of coal, saying she's not going to do this every day.
She thinks they need a new central heating system. She shows him some pamphlets. He puts them in the fireplace.
He says they used to have to cart in great big lumps of coal. There were eight of them. (Back on "Cuckoo in the Nest," George said his mum brought up eight kids on 30 bob a week. I don't know if this means she became a widow, or if she's the one who managed the money.)
George: And every now and then, Dad used to reach out and throw one on the fire.
Mildred: Lumps of coal or kids?
George says it was coal, except when he'd had a few (drinks). They had logs as well, after the Council planted trees in their street.
He lights the fire. It immediately starts smoking. The audience laughs a lot. Mildred coughs from the smoke.
Tour: Against a very popular instrumental whose title escapes me (but you might know it when you hear it, especially if you're over 40), we get a montage of Chrissy and Norman having romantic moments in London. They walk hand in hand and/or with arms around each other through a park, past pigeons and near ducks. He kisses her by a fountain.
Then they begin a voiceover, as she gives a tongue-in-cheek tour of London. They look down on the city and she points to a building that's the British Museum, the Bank of England, or possibly Harrod's. He says, "You've been swotting up on this, haven't you?", meaning studying up. She says it's important to get things straight. Then she points to the Post Office Tower, originally built by Henry VIII for one of his wives. "I think it was Annette Crosbie." (She won a BAFTA for her role as Catherine of Aragon in the 1970 television programme The Six Wives of Henry VIII.) Norman and Chrissy laugh and he pulls her close.
They sit at an outdoor cafe and she points to Cleopatra's Needle.
Norman: You've got a lovely little nose, did you know that?
Chrissy: It was towed all the way from Egypt on a barge.
He kisses her nose.
She tells him that if the ravens ever leave the Tower of London, England will sink into the sea.
Norman: What ravens?
Chrissy: Oh well, can you swim?
They run against a red light, holding their coats. They approach a statue of Eros, whom Norman says was the God of Traffic Congestion.
They go to Trafalgar Square, and she says that there's a legend that if you throw a copper in the fountain, you get arrested. I assume this is a pun on two meanings of "copper": copper penny and cop.
Patchy: We cut to a radio playing the instrumental. Robin is painting one of the walls of the bathroom. Jo comes in with a cup of something. She tells him he's painting over the mirror. He says he's taken the mirror down. He turns off the radio.
He thinks he should've sized this before he started painting. She looks at the bathroom and estimates 9 foot by 7. She says the paint is all patchy. He says he should've used a roll-on. She says, "No, suspenders would've scratched the wall." (A pantyhose joke? I'm not sure.)
He suggests she paint the bathroom, but when she says OK, he says no, painting isn't one of her strong points. They go in the kitchen and he says she's put eyeshadow on her nose more than once before.
Jo: Don't have a go at me just because Chrissy prefers your brother.
Robin: When did she say that?
Jo: She didn't.
Robin: Somebody must've said it.
Jo: I did.
Jo says it's only a feeling. She could be wrong. She usually is. Robin says, "But you could be wrong about being wrong." Jo is confused.
She invites him to a party.
Robin: Don't change the subject!
Jo: Why not? I'm embarrassed by the last one.
The party is being thrown by Eleanor and Tom, and I can't help pretending that this is their former flatmate Eleanor and her husband. They didn't invite Robin because they don't like him. Robin says, "I don't think so." Jo says, "Please yourself," and goes to her bedroom.
Chrissy and Norman return. He enjoyed the tour, especially Picadilly Square and Trafalgar Circus (reversing the two sites). She tells him, "Now, watch it, or I won't show you the changing of the Guard at Fortnum & Mason. ( http://www.fortnumandmason.com/the-store.aspx )
Robin enters and asks if Chrissy showed Norman London. They think it was London. She tells Norman to pour some Sherry while she starts dinner.
Robin follows her back into the kitchen. When he sees her take out a frozen dinner, he says, "You call that cooking? Where's the skill in that?" She says some of these packets can be quite tricky to open.
She asks when he's going out. He says he's still painting the bathroom. She says, "Take it with you."
Jo comes back and invites Robin to the party again. She says Herbert is bringing his mouth organ (harmonica). Robin says, "Definitely not," so Jo leaves alone.
Robin doesn't feel like going out. He says he could stand in the corner with his head under a lampshade.
They return to the lounge and Norman gives her a glass of Sherry. He didn't pour one for Robin. Robin says it's all right because he's going out, although he doesn't know where. Then he puts the lampshade over his head. Chrissy and Norman laugh.
Robin takes the lampshade off and says he's not wanted here or at the party. It's a very sad thing not to be wanted. He opens the door and Larry is standing there. Larry says, "Hello, Mate, coming down the pub?" Robin kisses him on the cheek. "He wants me! Oh, joy, I'm wanted!" He grabs Larry, who looks weirded out. They exit.
Norman and Chrissy laugh and then toast. It's not exactly a cliffhanger, but we're going to a break.
Foursome: Robin and Larry are at the bar, both with drinks, while Robin smokes. Larry is wearing a T-shirt that's partially obscured by his denim jacket, but I think it says, "PINK PUSSY."
Robin says he doesn't understand women.
Robin: What's he got that I haven't?
Larry: Don't think about that. It'll only depress you.
Robin insists on knowing, so Larry says Norman is better-dressed and better-looking, has a car, and is taller. Robin says, "All right," but Larry adds that Norman has more charm, and something I can't catch with the audience laughing.
Larry tells Robin that there's no point in going all broody. "You've still got your mates, your muckers. You've still got me. I"ll stick by you." Robin agrees, but then Larry says, "See you then."
Larry is meeting a little raver. He goes over to a girl with curly hair, a lot of mascara, and a fuzzy yellow coat that will later to turn out to be covering a shiny gold top. He greets her as Doris. She's named Deirdre and she works in a tripe shop. She's played by Frankie Jordan, who did 54 episodes of Marked Personal in 1974.
She introduces him to her friend Mu, short for Muriel. Mu is tall with a big nose and straight red hair. She and Deirdre go everywhere together. Muriel is Cecily Hobbs's first credit on IMDB, and she eventually moved on to writing.
He offers to get them drinks. Deirdre wants a gin & tonic. Mu orders something that ends in "Bianco." But Larry order two shandies.
He tells Robin he can't leave him alone in his moment of emotional turmoil, suffering the bittersweet pains as old as life itself. "What you need is crumpet."
He tells Robin that Deirdre brought her girlfriend, who's "ideal for you." He doesn't want Robin to look round and even physically restrains him. He thinks they should form a foursome (in a mostly nonsexual sense). He reluctantly lets Robin look. The girls are laughing loudly together. Robin says, "Forget it!" Larry says this is just what Robin needs to take his mind off women.
Sideline: Meanwhile, George brings in a very large vacuum cleaner to get rid of the soot. Mildred says she's not going up the chimney with it. He says it's the modern way of doing it. The vacuum sucks down the soot. She says it won't work. He tells her they'll have to just suck it and see. He laughs.
He hired the vacuum cleaner off Jerry. It's a sideline of his. Mildred says, "He's got nothing but sidelines." Jerry gave him an instruction leaflet, but it's for a clothes dryer.
Siegfried: Back at the White Swan, the "foursome" sit at a table. The girls are talking about a film they saw. A lady doctor cured a man of an incurable disease.
Larry suggests going back to his place for "coffee and that." The girls agree, but first they'll powder their noses. Robin tries to leave, saying he's not coming back to Larry's flat with "Roobarb & Custard." ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roobarb )
Larry tells him to think of it as therapy. "As the great Siegfried Freud said, the anguish of the human condition is greatly moderated by a bit of the other."
Robin says he's not in the mood. Larry says, "I'm in the mood. They're in the mood. You're outvoted."
Next: Norman and Chrissy are now at the kitchen table, with wine glasses. She offers him more wine, or coffee, or an indigestion tablet. He says it was a very pleasant meal, thawed to perfection.
She says, "You know what comes next." They've both been thinking about it. He guesses the washing up, and she says, "Absolutely."
True Romances: The foursome arrive at Larry's, Robin reluctantly. The girls take their coats off. In the background, we can see one of Larry's posters of a topless blonde.
Holding up a bottle, Larry asks, "Fancy a little Mother's Ruin?" Muriel says, "I'd rather have a drink first." The audience laughs a lot.
The girls sit on the bed. Robin tries to leave but Larry has him sit down. He tells the girls that Robin isn't himself. Muriel asks, "Who are you then?" Annoyed, Deirdre says that Larry means Robin isn't as cheerful as he usually is.
Deirdre: Is it unrequited love, Love?
Robin: Huh?
Deirdre compares it to the young architect in "Fly My Heart Away." Muriel says that that's this week's story in True Romances. Robin says he missed that one.
Robin: Did he fancy the girl who fancied his brother?
Deirdre: No, you're thinking of last week's story.
Muriel says that one was called "Love Knows No Springtime."
Meanwhile Larry has handed out drinks.
Mu says that in LKNS, the younger, more attractive brother lost his true love to his brother, who was rotten. Robin nods and says, "You have a very understanding nature, Mu. I mean Muriel."
Suck and blow: George is setting up the vacuum cleaner. Mildred covers the furniture with sheets. He doesn't know the difference between suck and blow, which would get more emphasis nowadays. There are lots of switches, but he says it has to be one way or the other. He flips a switch. She thought it would be noisier. Then she looks and says she's no expert, but it might possibly help if he plugged it in.
The Moment: Chrissy and Norman are sitting on the settee. The shot is from a different angle than usual, so we see the fireplace behind them. It's clear what's being set up, but that's OK. Soft music plays. They sip wine.
He stutters as he tries to describe what he's feeling. She says it's the frozen chicken dinner. He says he's trying to be serious. He has another drink. He's never done this before and he has to find the right words. She says, "I think I'd better have another drink, too."
He hesitates, and then a blast of soot comes out of the fireplace and all over them. The audience laughs a lot.
Norman and Chrissy stand. She coughs. He brushes himself off. Smiling, she says, "Go on. You were saying."
Norman: Will you marry me?
Chrissy: Yes!
They kiss.
Cocoa: Upstairs, poor Robin is trying to explain the situation. Deirdre says it's ever so sad. Larry suggests the two of them get another bed for a chat.
Deirdre: Oh, Mr. Impatient! (to Robin) Go on.
Robin: That's all there is really, not much more to say.
Larry: Thank God for that!
Robin: Except that, you know, er, well, all the way way along the line, I just seem to sort of have missed the boat, you know. And, er, I suppose you don't realise how you feel about somebody until--
Larry: I thought there wasn't much more to say.
Robin: Until it's too late I suppose.
Muriel: Have you told her that your heart beats for her, and her alone? (Pause.)
Robin: Well, not in those words, exactly.
Muriel: Then it's not too late, is it?
Robin: Huh?
Larry: I think I'll put the cocoa on.
(I think he means because they'll be here all night, discussing this.)
The Other Moment: Norman brushes himself off in the kitchen, just outside the bathroom. Chrissy emerges in a bathrobe, a towel wrapped around her hair. She ran a bath for him.
She laughs at the sight of him and says, "It's a good job my mum can't see you. She was always afraid I'd marry a black man." (We learned on "And Mother Makes Four" that her mum visits twice a year in order to make sure this doesn't happen.) Norman threatens her with a sooty kiss. She ducks out of the way.
She tells him to use Robin's bathrobe. Then she gets a dustpan out of the cupboard and goes to the lounge. She says, "Oh, what a mess," kneels, and starts cleaning.
Robin comes home and wonders why she's undressed and where Norman is. She says Norman got all filthy and he's having a bath. Robin asks what happened and she tells him about the soot.
Chrissy: Robin, I've got something to tell you.
Robin: Yeah, and, er, I've got something to tell you, Chrissy.
He kneels next to where she's sitting, then he makes her stop cleaning.
Robin: Chrissy, I've been thinking, we've known each other a long time. Maybe it's taken my brother to come along to make me realise--
Chrissy: Robin.
He wants to finish. He says he's tried it on a few times. She bites her lip, as if she suspects where this is going.
Robin: You never went along with it, and I'm glad. What I'm gonna ask you is--
Chrissy: Robin, I'm gonna marry Norman.
Robin: Hm?
Chrissy: He asked me, so I accepted.
He says that's great and pretends to be happy for them. He stands up. She asks what he was going to say. He replies, "Nothing really. I was just gonna try it on again. You know me, always trying it on." He goes to congratulate Norman. She looks stunned and sad.
George knocks and lets himself in. He's covered in soot and asks if she has anything to remove it. She suggests a bath, but he says he wouldn't go that far.
No hard feelings: Norman is in the tub, and he's so tall that his feet stick out the end. As usual, there are bubbles. Robin knocks and identifies himself. Norman tells him to come in.
Robin says he just heard the news. He congratulates Norman, who thanks him. Norman asks, "No hard feelings?" Robin says the best man won. But then he dumps white paint all over Norman. He grins. The audience laughs very much.
Commentary: Robin wonders where he went wrong. I think the problem is he always made it seem like he just wanted sex with Chrissy, not a relationship. Also, he sometimes used dishonest means, like with the mouse. Perhaps that works with other women (although not very well, if his dates that we see are typical), but it's not going to work with Chrissy. She wants a relationship, and she likes that Norman takes the time to go for walks and hold hands. They laugh together, in a different way than she and Robin do. Yes, Norman's height and money and education and all that matter, but it's mostly that he enjoys her company, whether or not they go to bed together. (My guess? They don't, but they've probably made out after a couple months.)
Robin is right that it has taken his brother coming along to show him what he's missing out on with Chrissy. Her past relationships were mismatches. Norman is a good match for her. Is he better than Robin? Difficult to say. We're invested in Robin after 2 1/2 years, and we want him to be happy. Also, there's all that RCST, making us think he and Chrissy should end up together. Now that he's realised his feelings for her are much more than lust, it feels like he should have a chance to at least try. But it's too late. As for Chrissy, I can't quite tell what she's feeling. She clearly feels bad for Robin, but is it because she can't return his feelings or because she doesn't want to hurt her best friend? (She and Jo are close, but Robin is at her intellectual level, more so than Norman actually.) Although I watched the last minute or so of the last episode months ago, I'll be curious to see how this is resolved, if at all.
I like that we get a bit of Jo's opinion, with the poor girl as always caught in the middle. Even the "easy girls" give their opinion, and I like that they end up being romantics who want to help Robin out. In Larry's eyes, crumpet is very different than the sort of girl you could love, but the lines between love and lust aren't as clear as he, or Robin, thought.
Besides what Norman does to the RCST, his arrival throws into light a lot about Robin's character, including the insecurity under his occasional conceit. The line about their father having no confidence feels dead on, based on his appearance on the episode where Robin wanted to move back to Southampton after failing his exams. (We don't hear much about Robin in cooking school these days, but I assume he's still going.)
The subplot for once truly impacts the main plot. Norman probably would've proposed anyway, but he wouldn't have had to leave the lounge to take a bath, allowing Robin to almost tell Chrissy his feelings. And Norman wouldn't have got paint dumped on him of course. It's an awful thing to do-- Robin is much more rotten than Norman, who seems generally nice-- but it is understandable, and at least Norman is already in the bathroom, so it'll be easier to wash out. Again, I'm curious to see how the last episode handles the rivalry, if it's addressed and how.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Oh, brother!
"Mum Always Liked You Best," which aired on 24 March 1976, takes its title from the Smothers Brothers' phrase (and 1965 comedy album), although that was of course "Mom Always...." "Lee Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother" gets its title from the Hollies 1969 song, with "Lee" substituting for "He." 3'sC74 aired on Feb. 26, 1980, a couple weeks before "Secret Admirer." It placed #9 in the ratings, although the previous week's "Jack's Bad Boy" landed at #1 and is one of the weakest episodes. "Lee Ain't" is one of the better fourth-season episodes, even if it does have a completely different resolution than its British counterpart.
Satin: As MatH37 opens, Robin is wearing a purple dress, as Jo pins the hem. She asks him to stand on his tiptoes or put on a pair of her heels.
Robin: I think not. Chrissy, why aren't you doing this?
Brit-Chrissy: I can't wear that colour. It clashes with my eyes.
Robin: It doesn't exactly suit me either.
Chrissy: No, you're more the slinky satin, with long drop earrings.
Robin laughs scornfully and says he's very masculine. If anyone says otherwise, he'll scratch their eyes out.
Jo asks, "Can't you stand a bit more like me? Unaware of your gorgeous body." He says he hasn't got the bum for it.
3'sC opens with a doorbell. Janet enters from the bedroom and Amer-Chrissy from the kitchen. They simultaneously say, "I'll get it." Janet says they can both get it.
It's Mr. Furley because we're in Don Knotts's first season. He brought up their mail. The mailman must've put it in his box by mistake. He says of one letter, "They want to save whales." He got one, too, and threw it out. Chrissy asks why, since whales are an endangered species. He says saving whales is ridiculous. "Do what I do, save stamps. They take up less room and they don't get your carpet all soggy." He laughs at his own joke, but the girls just look at him. He leaves disappointed. Then Janet says if he keeps telling jokes like that, he'll be an endangered species.
The phone rings and Chrissy gets it. As usual, we don't see the person on the other end (Sandra was an exception), but Chrissy repeats enough that we (and Janet) can follow along. She says Jack's not home. She exclaims, "Lee Tripper!", although she's never heard of him. It's Jack's brother. She says, "No, I'm Chrissy, she's Janet." Lee is in town and she thinks Jack will be so excited. She says they'll be home. She hangs up.
Chrissy: Janet, guess what?
Janet: Jack's brother's in town and he's gonna come over.
Chrissy: (disappointed) Who told you?
Janet: I'm psychic.
Jack comes home and says it's a beautiful day, but when he hears the news, he says it's a miserable day. Janet asks, "Don't you like your brother?" Jack says, "I love him. He's a wonderful person. I just can't stand him." He goes to his bedroom.
Chrissy says, "If my brother were coming to visit, I'd be happy." Janet points out that Chrissy doesn't have a brother. Chrissy says, "That's why I'd be happy. I've always wanted one."
Jack returns with a photo album. After some jostling, they all sit together close on the couch.
Brit-Chrissy is already looking at Robin's photo album. She asks, "Is that your brother, standing next to the little girl?"
Robin: Yeah, that's him, but that is not a little girl.
Chrissy: (realising) Oh, sorry.
Robin says he had longer hair then.
Janet tells Jack he was a very handsome little boy. He says that's Lee.
Amer-Chrissy: Who's the cute little girl standing next to him?
Jack: That was me. My hair was longer then.
The Chrissys notice that Robin/Jack's brother was taller. Robin/Jack says his brother had thicker socks on, Robin adding that his brother was two years older.
Jo/Janet says that she didn't know Robin/Jack had a brother, since he never talks about him. Robin/Jack says he deosn't talk about his grandmother but he has one. She's taller than him as well.
Brit-Chrissy looks at pictures of brother Norman winning the cricket cup, the form prize, and the 100 yards. Lee won the 100-yard dash and got a trophy for first place in a tennis tournament. Robin/Jack says there's more to life than coming in first.
Brit-Chrissy: Yeah, there's coming second and there's photographs of you doing it.
Amer-Chrisssy: Yeah, there's coming in second and there you are doing it.
Jo tells Robin to take the dress off, and he says that's a shame because he was getting to like it. Then he tells them to keep an eye out the window. With an American accent, he says, "Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Norman bounding over the rooftops with his bionic legs." (The Six Million Dollar Man had started airing in 1974.) He grabs his jacket and heads out.
Meanwhile, 3'sC expands on the rivalry. Janet notices that Lee was class valedictorian.
Amer-Chrissy: Boy, if your brother's smart and handsome and good in sports, what's wrong with him?
Jack: There's nothing wrong with him. That's what's wrong with him.
He gets to his feet and goes to put the album away. Janet tells Chrissy that that sounds like something she'd say.
When Jack returns, he says it was hard growing up with a brother who was perfect at everything. When Jack was around him, he couldn't do anything right. Jack stumbles over his words, and then says "I don't even talk good around him."
The girls get up and stand on either side of Jack. Janet says they think he's the greatest, and Chrissy agrees. Jack says it's no contest. Lee makes a great living, doing a great job, and he gets to travel all around the world. Jack says he's just a lousy cooking student. Chrissy grabs him by the arms and says he's a good student. Janet grabs him and turns him around, saying he's a good cook. Chrissy grabs and says he's a great cook. Janet grabs and says he's the greatest cook. Jack turns back to Chrissy, but she just nods and smiles. He tries it with Janet, who also just nods and smiles. He says, "Well?" She says, "That's it." He says that's enough. He's a better cook than Lee. He decides to cook something that will send Lee's tastebuds through the roof of his mouth, but he misspeaks. Still, he goes in the kitchen.
The girls shake hands at their successful pep talk. The scene dissolves, and we're back in the living room, as we are for most of the episode. But first let's get the Brit-Ropers' subplot going.
Miss X: In the kitchen downstairs, Mildred is washing up the dishes while George reads the newspaper.
George: "I was carried away by mad passion."
Mildred: When was this?
He's quoting a story about a vicar who gave a lift to 18-year-old Miss X. She gets about, this Miss X. Last week she was in a story about a co-op milkman. She tells of her nightmare journey in the vicar's boot (car trunk).
Mildred asks if there's anything in the paper about men helping their wives with the washing up. And she wonders when's the last time he picked up a dishcloth. He says just now, when he handed it to her. She says he didn't use it. "There's no point in having something in your hand if you're not gonna use it." He says he did his bit, dirtying the plates.
She says they haven't eaten out in a proper restaurant in awhile, with wine, paper napkins, and metal knives and forks. (Does she mean cloth napkins, or are her standards not that high?) He says flash restaurants cost money. Between the two of them, it comes to a quid. She says that just shows how long it's been.
She takes out a wad of pound notes, which she found while dusting his wallet. He takes it back. She says he can now afford to take her out.
Quiche: The American girls are now sitting on the couch playing Go Fish. Jack comes in from the kitchen, wearing a striped apron. He says, "Ladies, this time I have outdone myself." He says he's made the world's greatest quiche. Chrissy comes over and says she's starving. He says nobody eats till Lee gets here. She begs, so he says, "OK, Chrissy, I'll give you a little quiche. Quiche me, you fool!" He gives her a peck on the cheek. (This was two years before Bruce Feirstein's bestseller Real Men Don't Eat Quiche.)
The doorbell rings and Janet says she'll get it. Jack's hands start shaking. Janet says it's just his brother, but he goes back to the kitchen.
Splash: Robin is walking down the street, wearing his jacket and scarf. A fancy white car pulls up and splashes a puddle on him. The man says sorry. After he parks the car, they go into the building.
Just outside the flat, Robin says his socks are all soggy.
Man: I said I was sorry. What a daft place to put a puddle.
Robin: I don't put puddles anywhere.
They go into the flat. Jo is now wearing the purple dress. Robin introduces the girls to Norman, "the one without the wet trousers."
Jo: Excuse me, I'm going to take my dress off.
Norman: I don't usually have this effect on women.
Chrissy laughs and says Jo has another dress on underneath. "She always wears two during the winter months." (Confirming that this series is set a few weeks before the airdates.)
Jo invites Norman to sit down. Robin tells Chrissy, "Watch this. He's won prizes for it."
Norman says he had a smooth run from Southampton. Jo says, "That'll be your bionic legs." She goes to get him some coffee.
Norman passes on messages from his and Robin's parents, their mum nagging and their dad saying to ignore it.
Justice: The episodes sync up again.
Norman: It's nice to meet you, Chrissy. Robin's description didn't do you justice.
Brit-Chrissy: No?
Norman: How could it? I mean, you'd need a Keats or a Shelley.
Robin: Oh, be careful. He's won prizes for this as well.
Chrissy: I'm not that easily swept off my feet.
Norman: Of course not. A beautiful girl like you must be used to compliments.
Chrissy: But do go on.
Janet stutters a bit on meeting handsome, charming Lee. He says that Jack's description didn't do her justice.
Lee: But then a pretty girl like you must be used to compliments. (She laughs, flattered.)
Janet: Yes, don't let that stop you.
Norman is staying here for two days. (I think in London rather than the flat.) Jo returns with the coffee and says, "You'd better take your jacket off then."
Amer-Chrissy says, "Janet, aren't you gonna let Jack's brother in?" She does so.
Chrissy: Hi, welcome to the family!
Lee: Pardon?
Chrissy: Well, you and Jack are brothers, and Janet and I are like sisters, and Jack's more like a brother than a roommate, so it's like we're all related.
Lee: You must be Chrissy. You're even more stunning than Jack said you were. No, no, "stunning" is too mild a word. (Stepping close and taking her hand) If only I were a poet. But, alas, words fail me.
Chrissy: (stunned) I don't know what to say.
Lee: Say no more.
Chrissy: No more.
Jack enters from the kitchen again. Lee calls him Jacky and ruffles his hair, which Jack clearly dislikes. Jack asks when Lee is leaving. Lee says he's in town for a couple days.
Lee sits on the couch, the girls on either side. Janet asks if he's here for business.
Lee: Not exactly. The company flew me in for a dinner.
Chrissy: Why? Don't they have restaurants where you live?
She snort-laughs. He says his company is having their annual Man of the Year banquet. He won again. Jack asks if this is two years in a row. Lee says it's three.
Norman says there's a dinner dance tonight, for buyers and wives. (What, they don't have any female buyers?)
Norman: I've got to go, but I haven't got a wife. I wondered if you could help me, Robin.
Robin: You can't marry your brother.
Norman: I just wondered if you knew a girl who might like caviar, champagne, that sort of stuff.
Chrissy clears her throat and then Jo does, so Chrissy says she did it first.
Norman says that's marvelous. Robin says, "I've changed my mind. I will marry you." Chrissy points out that Norman hasn't asked yet, so he starts to ask Robin if it's all right. "Not him, me. And I accept."
Lee: Actually, Jack, I was hoping you could help me out. I need a date for the dinner tonight.
Jack: (laughing nervously) You could probably win one.
Lee: I thought you might know a girl who'd enjoy a night of, uh, dancing, champagne, caviar, that sort of thing.
Jack says sorry, he doesn't know anybody like that. Amer-Chrissy points at herself.
Lee: Maybe Janet or Chrissy would like to go.
Janet: I'd love to, but, uh, I can't. I have plans tonight.
Jack: Well, Lee, it looks like you're out of luck.
Chrissy points at herself again. Lee asks if she's free tonight. She exclaims, "Yeah!"
Jack says Chrissy can't have dinner with Lee because of the special dinner Jack is making. Then he cries, "Oh my God, the quiche!" He runs into the kitchen.
Lee says he has to go check into his hotel. (Where is his luggage? In a waiting cab downstairs?) He and the girls get to their feet.
Norman tells Brit-Chrissy he'll pick her up at eight o'clock. She says, "Lovely." Robin looks disgusted.
Lee says he'll pick up Amer-Chrissy at 8.
Lee: By the way, it's formal.
Chrissy: Oh, OK. Well, I'll call you Mr. Tripper, and you can call me Miss Snow.
She goes to her room to get dressed, so Janet starts to show Lee out. (Because the front door is so far away from the couch!) Jack enters with his quiche, black and smoking. He says it's a little overdone. Lee laughs and says, "Good to see you, Jack. You haven't changed a bit." Jack miserably says, "Neither have you."
And we dissolve to the living room again.
Plates: George is watching a football match downstairs, making running commentary. Mildred comes in with a tray. She's wearing her banana trousers. He barely noticed what he ate for the main meal. She says he smothers everything wth tomato sauce.
She thinks she must've washed up 40,000 plates since they were married. (So 2000 plates a year? That's like 5 1/2 plates a day. Possible, especially if she's counting the ones for her and guests.) He says they only own six.
She says tomorrow night they'll go out to dinner. He's still not paying attention. She brought him rhubarb pie and custard for pudding (dessert). She puts tomato sauce on the rhubarb. He eats some but it takes him awhile to notice. He likes it though.
Jealous: That night, Robin is in his dressing gown, playing solitaire. Jack, still in his plaid and jeans, is pacing.
Jo, in her dressing gown, brings Robin tea. She tells him to put the red 9 on the 10 of Clovers. He says he could also put it on the 10 of Shovels, but it happens to be a red 6.
She looks at her watch and says it's getting late. He says he's playing as fast as he can. She observes that Chrissy isn't back yet.
Robin: Isn't she? I hadn't noticed.
Jo: I bet they're having a really nice time.
He says they might not be. They might be very bored. He admits that he's very bored.
Jo goes to bed. Robin says, "Oh to hell with it," and puts the 10 of Clovers on the red 6.
Jack hears someone at the door so he yanks it open and cries, "Aha!" Janet falls into the room. He says he just wanted fresh air. She says perhaps he's waiting up for Amer-Chrissy. He scoffs and then admits it.
She thinks maybe he's a little jealous of his brother. He denies it and says he's just worried about a friend. Janet says, "Your friend is just doing your brother a favor. She's not interested in him."
There's laughter offscreen on both shows. With 3'sC, it's Chrissy laughing briefly, while on MatH it's both Chrissy and Norman, and it goes on awhile. Janet says, "I bet she couldn't wait to get home tonight." Jack goes to let Chrissy in. There's a bang or a pop on the British show, so Robin opens the door.
Norman and Brit-Chrissy lean in as if they're about to kiss. He's in a suit with a dinner jacket, while she's in an orange dress. He's got balloons and streamers draped on him, while she's holding a daffodil. (I think it was a balloon that popped.) Robin tells Norman goodnight, but Norman is coming in.
Jack loudly says, "Well, Chrissy, did you have a nice time?" He opens the door on Lee and Chrissy in the middle of a long kiss. Lee is holding her, while her knees are bent so that her feet are off the ground. Jack mumbles, "You don't have to answer that."
And 3'sC breaks for commercials.
Still have begged for more: 3'sC picks up where it left off. Jack gets Lee and Chrissy's attention. They stop kissing and Lee sets her down. The two of them laugh. Lee is wearing black tie, while Chrissy's in a nice but not memorable dress.
Norman says it was a fabulous evening. There was iced champagne, smoked salmon, chandeliers, and a full-string orchestra. Robin says it sounds pretty boring. (I have to agree. Well, chandeliers are cool.)
Brit-Chrissy says it was a marvelous orchestra. She breaks into "I Could've Danced All Night." Norman joins in and they start dancing around the lounge. Robin says he'll get the black coffee. Chrissy says to leave it to her. She goes to the nearest door, so he tells her she's going into his bedroom. She giggles and says, "Naughty boy!"
Lee and Amer-Chrissy dance into the apartment but don't sing.
Norman tells Robin that Brit-Chrissy is a marvelous dancer. He hasn't had such a good partner since he won the gold medal in the something something Championship. Robin joins in before Norman is done.
Lee tells Jack and Janet that Amer-Chrissy is a marvelous dancer. He hasn't had a partner like her since he won first place in the All-City Ballroom Dance Competition. Jack joins in before Lee is done. Then Lee ruffles Jack's hair. Jack looks murderous.
Robin tries to tell Norman that he and Chrissy sort of had a-- But since they don't have anything but tension, no actual commitment, he can't complete his sentence. Instead, he says that Norman always takes things he wants, like his teddy bear when he was a kid. He says, "It's just that I'm a bit worried about her." Norman says he thinks she's in the trunk in the attic, meaning the teddy.
Meanwhile, Chrissy is too drunk to get the coffee grounds into the cups, just dropping them on the counter.
Robin rushes Norman out. Norman wants to say goodbye to Chrissy, in an intimate way. Robin tells him to describe it and he'll do it. He tells his brother cheerio and goes in the kitchen, where he sees Chrissy stirring an empty cup.
He says Norman had to go. She says Norman is very nice. Robin offers to take her to bed, saying it unsuggestively. Hanging on to Robin, she exclaims, "I like him!"
Robin: So we all do. But I mean, take away his dinner jacket, his suave chat, his flashy little white sports car, and what are you left with?
Chrissy: You.
He nods. And we go to adverts.
Come and go: The next morning, Robin cooks breakfast. He's wearing a shirt that says, "SEX MAKES ME COME AND GO." He asks Jo if Chrissy said anything about last night. Jo says Chrissy said something about belonging to Glasgow. (Yes, another old song: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Belong_to_Glasgow )
Chrissy comes in, very chipper. She says bacon and eggs are her favourite. Robin is surprised she's not hung over, but she says she only had three champagne cocktails last night. Then when he sets the plate before her, she can't face the food. She says her eyelashes ache. Robin says that's what happens when you have a good evening.
Winking, Janet says Amer-Chrissy probably had a really rotten time tonight. Chrissy laughs.
Brit-Chrissy says she only remembers bits. Amer-Chrissy says tonight's just a great big blur. The Chrissys remember water, and things going round and round.
Jo: (seriously) You were in a laundrette.
Jack: (sarcastically) You went to a laundromat?
Brit-Chrissy says the dance was by the river. Lee says that there's a fountain outside the Ocean View Plaza Hotel.
Brit-Chrissy and Norman walked along the grass, looking up at the stars. Robin asks, "Vertically or horizontally?", although diagonally would make more sense. She says Norman picked her a daffodil from a windowbox. (Have the police ever looked into this constant raiding and desecration of windowboxes? It's a London crime wave!) Then she realises what Robin's implying.
Amer-Chrissy is still laughing. Janet asks if she's been drinking. Holding up four fingers, she says it was just three champagne cocktails. Janet escorts her towards the kitchen for some very strong black coffee.
Robin won't come right out and say what he's implying. Chrissy is indignant. Jo calmly tries to explain. Then she says they're going to be late for work. Chrissy says, "Honestly, five champagne cocktails and he thinks I'm anybody's." Robin is shocked and follows the girls into the lounge.
Amer-Chrissy says she's all right, since she only had five champagne cocktails. Jack grabs her arm and says, "Five? You said three just now." She replies, "Yeah, three and five is eight." Janet takes her into the ktichen.
After Robin nags her about drinking and coming home late, Brit-Chrissy says, "You know, it's really weird. I hear my mother's voice and I see him." Jo says he's just jealous. He denies it.
Brit-Chrissy opens the door. Norman is there with a bouquet for her, which Jo passes on to Robin. Jo says they're going to be late for work.
Norman: Do you need a lift?
Jo: No thank you, I'll use the stairs.
The girls leave. Robin tells Norman that orchids are a bit flash. He pulls Norman into the flat for a chat. Norman wonders if this is about the teddy. Robin says no and asks him about Chrissy. Norman says it's none of Robin's business.
Robin says Chrissy was pissed last night. Norman says she only had six champagne cocktails.
Robin beats around the bush again, till Norman says, "For a man who just said pissed, you're being very mealy-mouthed.
Norman tells him that he never tries it on with a girl on the first time out. But he was going to ask her out again tonight. Robin says that would be the second time. Norman says, "I do believe you're right."
Robin says that tonight Chrissy is going out with him. Norman says it's his last night in town. Robin says, "You know, I do believe you're right." He smiles mischievously.
Jack asks Lee, "What was that at the door?" Lee says it was a simple goodnight kiss. Jack asks if anything happened tonight. Lee says, "Of course not!" He never tries that with a girl on the first date.
Jack: Thank goodness!
Lee: Of course, I'm seeing Chrissy tomorrow night.
Jack: That would be, that would be the second date.
Lee: Jack, you always were good at math.
He hits Jack playfully on the chin.
He exits and the scene dissolves to the living room yet again.
Opportunity Knocks: Later in the British subplot, Mildred brushes George's dinner jacket. She's wearing a hot pink dress. George enters and says he'll miss Opportunity Knocks.
[ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opportunity_Knocks_(UK_TV_series) ) ] They're having a banjo-playing dog tonight.
She sees the jacket he's got on and tells him he's not wearing Old Faithful tonight. It's been over the bonnet (hood) of the car all winter. She makes him put his decent one on.
She asks if he changed his underpants. He says yes and she starched them. They'll crack like a pistol shot when he sits down. She smiles.
She asks if he cleaned behind his ears. He says he's not a kid.
He gleefully says he forgot to book a table, but she says she did.
Then she tells him to take off his plimsolls. We cut to his worn-out shoes.
Rot: Jo is reading a magazine as Robin straightens his tie. Chrissy comes in wearing a sort of peasant-style blue dress. Robin says she looks nice, then adds, "How can I describe it? It would take a Keats or a Shelley."
Chrissy doesn't remember arranging to eat out tonight. Robin says it's a little French restaurant around the corner.
Chrissy: What about Jo?
Jo: Oh, don't worry about me. I'll just go and sit in the kitchen and rot.
Robin: Good girl.
He takes Chrissy's hand and leads her to the door. But Norman is on the other side, with a box of chocolates, which he gives to Chrissy.
Bart: Jack is sitting on the couch with the photo album again, this time alone and in a different outfit. He says, "Class valedictorian," and gives a raspberry. "First place 100-yard freestyle. First in everything. He was even firstborn."
The doorbell rings and he gets it. It's Mr. Furley again. He's here to fix the sink.
Mr. Furley asks what's wrong, since Jack doesn't seem to be his usual gay self, ha ha. Jack says his brother's upset him. Mr. Furley can relate to that, since part of his characterization is that he feels inferior to his brother, who owns the building. (Unlike Stanley Roper, Ralph Furley is just the manager.)
Ralph: When I was growing up, I always felt inferior to my brother, Bart.
Jack: You did, why?
Ralph: My parents told me I was.
Jack: That's terrible!
When they went to the beach, Bart buried him in the sand, head first. And after Bart lost all his baby teeth, he stole Ralph's to get the money from the Tooth Fairy.
Jack: From under your pillow when you were asleep?
Ralph: No, out of my mouth when I was awake. Wasn't he a pistol?
Jack feels better now but Mr. Furley is depressed. He starts to leave.
Chrissy comes home with Lee and introduces him to Mr. Furley. Ralph exclaims, "You keep your hands off his teeth!", then exits.
Jack says Mr. Furley is allergic to brothers. Lee says, "Well, I love mine!" He ruffles Jack's hair again.
Lee says it's beautiful weather out. Jack says it's been cloudy all morning. Lee says that the sun is always shining when he's near Chrissy.
Dinner for...: Lee asks if Chrissy is busy tonight. Before she can reply, Jack says remember, they're going to Chez Robert (with a silent T), just the two of them.
Norman/Lee says it's a shame because it's his last night in town and he wanted to take Robin/Jack out to dinner. Robin/Jack is so surprised that he lets himself be manipulated into having to go to dinner with Robin/Lee and the Chrissys because he doesn't want his brother and his roommate to have dinner alone.
It sounds like Lee says he'll pick them up at teven, but I could've misheard him. He exits.
Chrissy goes to her room as Janet comes home. Jack tells Janet that somehow Lee managed to invite himself to dinner. Janet thinks this is a good thing.
Janet: Where's the one place that nobody can compete with you?
Jack: (trying to look suave) My bedroom?
Janet: Guess again.
She says they're going to a restaurant, and he says it's a French restaurant. She says that's even better, because his specialty is French cuisine. She tells him to be a good sport and not embarrass his brother too much. He says he'll try not to. He looks sly.
Garcon: The two sets of brothers and Chrissys enter the French restaurants. Jack says this is one of the finest restaurants in the city. Robin says they know him quite well. Jack says they know him here. Robin calls the restaurant manager Charles and is corrected to "Alphonse." Jack calls him Robert (with the silent T) and is corrected to "Maurice." Robin says to give Charles his best wishes, while Jack says to give Robert his best.
Alphonse is listed in the credits as "Restaurant Manager" and is played by Steve Plytas. Mr. Plytas was actually Turkish, but as far back as '58 he was playing a French restaurant manager. He also played Arabs, Russians, Swiss, and Germans, including George I of England. Maurice is played by Albert Carrier, who was born in Canada but often cast as French, from hairdressers to generals, but, yes, with a lot of restaurant staff thrown in.
Robin/Jack asks for a quiet table for three/trois. Alphonse/Maurice says Robin/Jack has no reservation and they're full. Norman/Lee smoothly bribes Alphonse/Maurice, who then offers a quiet table. Brit-Chrissy tells Robin that it's obviously an advantage that they don't know him. Lee says merci.
Alphonse/Maurice escorts them to the table. Alphonse pulls chairs out for Brit-Chrissy and Norman, but poor Robin stands around for awhile until he has to seat himself.
On 3'sC, the tables are further apart and the place looks more upscale than the London restaurant. Maurice just seats Amer-Chrissy. The men seat themselves.
Alphonse corrects Robin's pronunciation, repeatedly, and Robin still doesn't get it right. Alphonse gets annoyed and sends over the waiter, played by Lawrence Davidson. Mr. Davidson was in a television production of Pride and Prejudice in 1952, but he didn't start appearing steadily till almost a decade later. He often played French, including the President of France in Curse of the Pink Panther (1983).
Maurice just waits on the table himself.
When Robin starts to order in French, the waiter replies in rapid French. Jack also orders French dishes. Amer-Chrissy says, "Wonderful." Maurice replies in French. Robin/Jack says he only speaks food.
Norman orders something in French and the waiter replies in a friendly manner, the two of them chatting in French for a bit. The same thing happens in America, except that I can catch some of Lee's words, like "mon frere" (my brother).
Jack says, "We'll have what he's having." He looks humiliated.
The Brit-Ropers come in. Mildred tells Alphonse that they have a reservation under "Mrs. Roper and husband." He escorts them to a table. Out of Alphonse's hearing, George says this is a Froggy restaurant, not proper food. It'll be all snails and horsemeat.
They see the Tripps and Chrissy, exchanging hellos. They're seated at the next table.
George calls the waiter "Garcon," with a hard C. He says there's no tomato sauce, clarifying this with "No tomato sauce-o, savvy?" The waiter goes to get some.
George nudges Robin and says, "You speak this wog lingo, don't you? What's that say?" Robin replies, "Oh, you'll like that. It's snails and horsemeat." ("Wog" is an ethnic slur, usually applied to dark-skinned people, although it can be used against a Mediterranean person.
Robin wants to start out with one dish I can't spell, but Norman says, "Not for me." He had some before and was ill for days. He suggests Chrissy try the pâté. As a compromise, Chrissy says she'll have the melon.
George is outraged by the tomato sauce coming in a gravy boat. He wants it in a proper bottle. He grumbles about the foreign muck.
Both scenes dissolve and we return to the restaurants after dinner has been eaten. Norman is going to pay the check, but Robin insists on it. Then he sees it and suggests they split it. Norman picks it up and says Robin can pay it next time. Chrissy thanks them both.
Amer-Chrissy says the meal was delicious.
Jack: My pleasure, Chrissy.
Lee: I'm just glad I was able to order for you.
Jack: I picked the restaurant.
Lee: And you almost got us a table.
This is where the episodes really diverge, and I'm going to talk about 3'sC74 first because it's a stand-alone, while MatH37 has huge ramifications.
Gateau: Maurice offers them dessert, but Chrissy says, "Not for me, my waistline." Jack orders the gateau au chocolat. Then he talks about one dish, demonstrating how you have to roll the dough. He spills his drink on himself and bangs into Maurice, who spills the gateau on Lee.
Maurice apologizes to Lee, who doesn't blame him. Lee goes to the restroom. Maurice takes the dessert tray away.
Jack says whenever he's around his brother, he can't do anything right. He misses his chair when he tries to sit down. He calls himself a klutz. She says he's not a klutz.
Chrissy: Don't you see? It's no contest.
Jack: Don't rub it in.
She says she'd much rather spend an evening with him than his brother. "If your brother Lee were a cake, he'd be all icing. But you're all cake, with a lot of layers." This deservedly gets applause.
Chrissy says Jack is real and Lee isn't. Jack says Lee is a winner.
Chrissy: Remember that Pittsburgh ballplayer, Willy Startrek?
Jack: Stargell.
Chrissy: Whatever. When Willy steps up to the home plate to hit that winning touchdown, the crowd goes wild!
Jack: (amused) I don't blame 'em.
She says that Willy is doing it for the team and for them. "With your brother, he's just doing it for himself, and to say, 'Look how good I am.' " She says she feels sorry for Lee. Jack is surprised.
She says Lee is so predictable. When he comes back, he'll say, "Don't worry about the suit. I have another one at home just like it."
Lee returns. Jack starts to apologize, but Lee says what Chrissy predicted. The audience applauds. Jack laughs and Chrissy tries not to.
Jack says he suddenly feels really good about himself. He apologizes about the spill. Lee says, "Forget it. I just can't imagine going through life doing things like that." Jack says Lee also can't hit a touchdown with a baseball bat. He swings his fork and hits Chrissy's drink, spilling it onto her. She cries, "Jack, you klutz!" He looks sheepish.
Slam dunk: In the tag, Chrissy is wearing short-shorts and watering the plants. Jack is vacuuming. Janet enters from the kitchen with a wastebasket. Jack turns off the vacuum and slam-dunks a wad of paper. Chrissy cheers. Jack gives Janet a low-ten and then they do the Bump.
Janet says Jack is certainly in a good mood. He says that ever since his brother Lee left on that airplane, he feels this tremendous weight off his shoulders. He's all thumbs when Lee is around. "Now that he's gone, I can do whatever I want." He grabs Janet and smooches her. Then he grabs Chrissy, who's watering plants again. He tries to smooch her, but she sprays him. Janet laughs. Chrissy says, "Except that."
Janet says, "Back to work." She tells Jack to take out the trash. She'll clean the bathroom.
The doorbell rings and Chrissy answers it while Jack's in the kitchen getting the trash. It's Lee. Chrissy calls out, "Jack, your brother's back!" We see Jack spill the trash, knock over the table, stumble into the living room, kick the wastepaper basket, and fall at Lee's feet. The audience applauds.
Jack asks what Lee is doing here. Lee says he missed his plane. Jack says, "Can't you do anything right?" Lee and the girls help him to his feet.
And the American episode ends.
Potato: Norman says he's had a wonderful two days. Chrissy says, "I've enjoyed it, too." They hold onto each other's hands, so Robin puts his hand on top and does "One potato, two potato." Norman says, "On that sophisticated note, we'd better go." They say goodnight to the Ropers and leave.
George is shocked by the 50p for couvert, which he didn't order. Mildred says that's the cover charge. He asks the waiter to knock off a bit, since he's English and he "saved you lot during the war." He says the French come over here on their bicycles, with their string of onions, and buy themselves a monkey jacket.
He realises he doesn't have his wallet, because he left it in Old Faithful. So they'll have to wash dishes.
Dog bites boy: In the last scene, Robin is lying on the settee, suffering, with a blanket over him. There's a different Scottish doctor than before, played by John Harvey. Mr. Harvey had an uncredited film role in 1935, but didn't start appearing regularly till the late '40s. He not only portrayed doctors but a lot of detectives, policemen, and such.
As this doctor, he says it's a mild case of food poisoning. Jo suggests pumping Robin out. The doctor says that won't be necessary. He hands her Robin's prescription and says, "A spoonful of that would pump out Loch Ness."
After the girls and the doctor exit to the kitchen, Norman says he can't leave his only brother confined to a sick bed. He's decided to stay for another week. Besides, someone has to keep an eye on Chrissy.
Robin says, "Remember that puppy when I was a kid?" It kept biting him. No one could make it sit up and beg except Norman. "Well, it's bloody well happening again, isn't it?" He collapses in pain, obviously not just from food poisoning.
And the British episode ends.
Commentary: The casting of the brothers is really good. They look like Robin and Jack respectively, while of course being taller. They also match up in personality. Even the names feel like sets, without doing that thing of "All my children have names that start with B: Bryan, Britney, Bethany, etc." Norman Eshley is of course doing The Danza, although he didn't make a habit of it like Tony D. He's actually a year younger than Richard O'Sullivan, which also means, yes, it's ironic that he was the "older man" for Chrissy a couple years earlier. John Getz is in fact two years older than John Ritter, although the Trippers' age difference isn't specified. Mr. Getz got his start in the TV-movie Killer Bees (1974), and has worked steadily ever since, including as a lawyer in The Social Network.
We never find out exactly what either Norman or Lee does for a living, but maybe it's left deliberately vague, so we can imagine the most enviable job. (Or they didn't want to date the shows, although that's hardly a concern otherwise, is it?) I'm a little surprised Norman lives in Southampton, but maybe he was just visiting his parents before driving to see Robin. Lee lives far enough away that he has to fly to L.A.
Norman is presented as a more likable person than Lee is, which is good since we're asked to take that two-day relationship more seriously. Lee is much more condescending to Jack, while Norman handles, for instance, the check situation in a more considerate way. On the other hand, Norman is rather sneaky, asking Chrissy her plans for the evening, when Robin already told him she had plans with him. At least Lee, as far as we know, expected both her and Jack to be free.
Jack's feelings about Lee's date with Chrissy are less complicated than Robin's. He still lusts after Chrissy but they have been living together three years at this point, and he is, if not quite like a brother, at least pretty comfortable with the platonic situation. He's protective of Chrissy and annoyed that his brother has once again charmed people he likes. As for Chrissy, she's clearly attracted to Lee, but in the sober light of day she realizes that he's self-centered and not as much fun as Jack.
Janet is probably just trying to make Jack feel better when she says that Amer-Chrissy isn't interested in Lee, since she says she has other plans that night in order to help Chrissy go out with Lee. (We never find out if she really did, or if she was bluffing so Chrissy could go. We also don't find out where she went then, or the next day. Janet's social life is more of a closed book than her roommates'.)
Jo seems to approve of Norman and Brit-Chrissy going out, although she might just be teasing Robin. There's no scene of either set of female roommates discussing the matter. The way the episodes end, it would be difficult for Amer-Chrissy and Lee to pursue anything, since she's seen through him, while Brit-Chrissy is still very fond of Norman. They didn't have to continue the relationship, since all of Chrissy's other relationships have fizzled out, but it is nicely set up for that. Norman is staying in London not just to look after his sick brother but to "keep an eye on Chrissy."
And does Chrissy want him keeping an eye on her? I think she does. Ironically, this seems to be the most she's fallen for a man since Ian Cross. There is no disillusionment or complication this time, as there so often is for her and her fellows. (Or in the case of the secret admirer, the fellow turning out to be Jo's.)
I suppose I should say something about the British subplot, but it's just there, incorporated into the main plot without enriching it or weakening it. It was easily removed for the American show, and I'm perfectly happy to get more of Jack and Mr. Furley's insecurities about their brothers instead. Also, note they're doing that "my sister Nancy" thing again. There are many moments when we hear about "my/your brother Lee" and "my/your brother Bart," when these are families of two boys and there's no need to be that specific. The irony is that when Jack's father shows up a couple years later, he's Jack Tripper, Sr. On that episode and the one where Jack pretends to have a twin brother, Lee has been retconned out. Robin, on the other hand, will not find it so easy to get rid of his brother....
Satin: As MatH37 opens, Robin is wearing a purple dress, as Jo pins the hem. She asks him to stand on his tiptoes or put on a pair of her heels.
Robin: I think not. Chrissy, why aren't you doing this?
Brit-Chrissy: I can't wear that colour. It clashes with my eyes.
Robin: It doesn't exactly suit me either.
Chrissy: No, you're more the slinky satin, with long drop earrings.
Robin laughs scornfully and says he's very masculine. If anyone says otherwise, he'll scratch their eyes out.
Jo asks, "Can't you stand a bit more like me? Unaware of your gorgeous body." He says he hasn't got the bum for it.
3'sC opens with a doorbell. Janet enters from the bedroom and Amer-Chrissy from the kitchen. They simultaneously say, "I'll get it." Janet says they can both get it.
It's Mr. Furley because we're in Don Knotts's first season. He brought up their mail. The mailman must've put it in his box by mistake. He says of one letter, "They want to save whales." He got one, too, and threw it out. Chrissy asks why, since whales are an endangered species. He says saving whales is ridiculous. "Do what I do, save stamps. They take up less room and they don't get your carpet all soggy." He laughs at his own joke, but the girls just look at him. He leaves disappointed. Then Janet says if he keeps telling jokes like that, he'll be an endangered species.
The phone rings and Chrissy gets it. As usual, we don't see the person on the other end (Sandra was an exception), but Chrissy repeats enough that we (and Janet) can follow along. She says Jack's not home. She exclaims, "Lee Tripper!", although she's never heard of him. It's Jack's brother. She says, "No, I'm Chrissy, she's Janet." Lee is in town and she thinks Jack will be so excited. She says they'll be home. She hangs up.
Chrissy: Janet, guess what?
Janet: Jack's brother's in town and he's gonna come over.
Chrissy: (disappointed) Who told you?
Janet: I'm psychic.
Jack comes home and says it's a beautiful day, but when he hears the news, he says it's a miserable day. Janet asks, "Don't you like your brother?" Jack says, "I love him. He's a wonderful person. I just can't stand him." He goes to his bedroom.
Chrissy says, "If my brother were coming to visit, I'd be happy." Janet points out that Chrissy doesn't have a brother. Chrissy says, "That's why I'd be happy. I've always wanted one."
Jack returns with a photo album. After some jostling, they all sit together close on the couch.
Brit-Chrissy is already looking at Robin's photo album. She asks, "Is that your brother, standing next to the little girl?"
Robin: Yeah, that's him, but that is not a little girl.
Chrissy: (realising) Oh, sorry.
Robin says he had longer hair then.
Janet tells Jack he was a very handsome little boy. He says that's Lee.
Amer-Chrissy: Who's the cute little girl standing next to him?
Jack: That was me. My hair was longer then.
The Chrissys notice that Robin/Jack's brother was taller. Robin/Jack says his brother had thicker socks on, Robin adding that his brother was two years older.
Jo/Janet says that she didn't know Robin/Jack had a brother, since he never talks about him. Robin/Jack says he deosn't talk about his grandmother but he has one. She's taller than him as well.
Brit-Chrissy looks at pictures of brother Norman winning the cricket cup, the form prize, and the 100 yards. Lee won the 100-yard dash and got a trophy for first place in a tennis tournament. Robin/Jack says there's more to life than coming in first.
Brit-Chrissy: Yeah, there's coming second and there's photographs of you doing it.
Amer-Chrisssy: Yeah, there's coming in second and there you are doing it.
Jo tells Robin to take the dress off, and he says that's a shame because he was getting to like it. Then he tells them to keep an eye out the window. With an American accent, he says, "Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Norman bounding over the rooftops with his bionic legs." (The Six Million Dollar Man had started airing in 1974.) He grabs his jacket and heads out.
Meanwhile, 3'sC expands on the rivalry. Janet notices that Lee was class valedictorian.
Amer-Chrissy: Boy, if your brother's smart and handsome and good in sports, what's wrong with him?
Jack: There's nothing wrong with him. That's what's wrong with him.
He gets to his feet and goes to put the album away. Janet tells Chrissy that that sounds like something she'd say.
When Jack returns, he says it was hard growing up with a brother who was perfect at everything. When Jack was around him, he couldn't do anything right. Jack stumbles over his words, and then says "I don't even talk good around him."
The girls get up and stand on either side of Jack. Janet says they think he's the greatest, and Chrissy agrees. Jack says it's no contest. Lee makes a great living, doing a great job, and he gets to travel all around the world. Jack says he's just a lousy cooking student. Chrissy grabs him by the arms and says he's a good student. Janet grabs him and turns him around, saying he's a good cook. Chrissy grabs and says he's a great cook. Janet grabs and says he's the greatest cook. Jack turns back to Chrissy, but she just nods and smiles. He tries it with Janet, who also just nods and smiles. He says, "Well?" She says, "That's it." He says that's enough. He's a better cook than Lee. He decides to cook something that will send Lee's tastebuds through the roof of his mouth, but he misspeaks. Still, he goes in the kitchen.
The girls shake hands at their successful pep talk. The scene dissolves, and we're back in the living room, as we are for most of the episode. But first let's get the Brit-Ropers' subplot going.
Miss X: In the kitchen downstairs, Mildred is washing up the dishes while George reads the newspaper.
George: "I was carried away by mad passion."
Mildred: When was this?
He's quoting a story about a vicar who gave a lift to 18-year-old Miss X. She gets about, this Miss X. Last week she was in a story about a co-op milkman. She tells of her nightmare journey in the vicar's boot (car trunk).
Mildred asks if there's anything in the paper about men helping their wives with the washing up. And she wonders when's the last time he picked up a dishcloth. He says just now, when he handed it to her. She says he didn't use it. "There's no point in having something in your hand if you're not gonna use it." He says he did his bit, dirtying the plates.
She says they haven't eaten out in a proper restaurant in awhile, with wine, paper napkins, and metal knives and forks. (Does she mean cloth napkins, or are her standards not that high?) He says flash restaurants cost money. Between the two of them, it comes to a quid. She says that just shows how long it's been.
She takes out a wad of pound notes, which she found while dusting his wallet. He takes it back. She says he can now afford to take her out.
Quiche: The American girls are now sitting on the couch playing Go Fish. Jack comes in from the kitchen, wearing a striped apron. He says, "Ladies, this time I have outdone myself." He says he's made the world's greatest quiche. Chrissy comes over and says she's starving. He says nobody eats till Lee gets here. She begs, so he says, "OK, Chrissy, I'll give you a little quiche. Quiche me, you fool!" He gives her a peck on the cheek. (This was two years before Bruce Feirstein's bestseller Real Men Don't Eat Quiche.)
The doorbell rings and Janet says she'll get it. Jack's hands start shaking. Janet says it's just his brother, but he goes back to the kitchen.
Splash: Robin is walking down the street, wearing his jacket and scarf. A fancy white car pulls up and splashes a puddle on him. The man says sorry. After he parks the car, they go into the building.
Just outside the flat, Robin says his socks are all soggy.
Man: I said I was sorry. What a daft place to put a puddle.
Robin: I don't put puddles anywhere.
They go into the flat. Jo is now wearing the purple dress. Robin introduces the girls to Norman, "the one without the wet trousers."
Jo: Excuse me, I'm going to take my dress off.
Norman: I don't usually have this effect on women.
Chrissy laughs and says Jo has another dress on underneath. "She always wears two during the winter months." (Confirming that this series is set a few weeks before the airdates.)
Jo invites Norman to sit down. Robin tells Chrissy, "Watch this. He's won prizes for it."
Norman says he had a smooth run from Southampton. Jo says, "That'll be your bionic legs." She goes to get him some coffee.
Norman passes on messages from his and Robin's parents, their mum nagging and their dad saying to ignore it.
Justice: The episodes sync up again.
Norman: It's nice to meet you, Chrissy. Robin's description didn't do you justice.
Brit-Chrissy: No?
Norman: How could it? I mean, you'd need a Keats or a Shelley.
Robin: Oh, be careful. He's won prizes for this as well.
Chrissy: I'm not that easily swept off my feet.
Norman: Of course not. A beautiful girl like you must be used to compliments.
Chrissy: But do go on.
Janet stutters a bit on meeting handsome, charming Lee. He says that Jack's description didn't do her justice.
Lee: But then a pretty girl like you must be used to compliments. (She laughs, flattered.)
Janet: Yes, don't let that stop you.
Norman is staying here for two days. (I think in London rather than the flat.) Jo returns with the coffee and says, "You'd better take your jacket off then."
Amer-Chrissy says, "Janet, aren't you gonna let Jack's brother in?" She does so.
Chrissy: Hi, welcome to the family!
Lee: Pardon?
Chrissy: Well, you and Jack are brothers, and Janet and I are like sisters, and Jack's more like a brother than a roommate, so it's like we're all related.
Lee: You must be Chrissy. You're even more stunning than Jack said you were. No, no, "stunning" is too mild a word. (Stepping close and taking her hand) If only I were a poet. But, alas, words fail me.
Chrissy: (stunned) I don't know what to say.
Lee: Say no more.
Chrissy: No more.
Jack enters from the kitchen again. Lee calls him Jacky and ruffles his hair, which Jack clearly dislikes. Jack asks when Lee is leaving. Lee says he's in town for a couple days.
Lee sits on the couch, the girls on either side. Janet asks if he's here for business.
Lee: Not exactly. The company flew me in for a dinner.
Chrissy: Why? Don't they have restaurants where you live?
She snort-laughs. He says his company is having their annual Man of the Year banquet. He won again. Jack asks if this is two years in a row. Lee says it's three.
Norman says there's a dinner dance tonight, for buyers and wives. (What, they don't have any female buyers?)
Norman: I've got to go, but I haven't got a wife. I wondered if you could help me, Robin.
Robin: You can't marry your brother.
Norman: I just wondered if you knew a girl who might like caviar, champagne, that sort of stuff.
Chrissy clears her throat and then Jo does, so Chrissy says she did it first.
Norman says that's marvelous. Robin says, "I've changed my mind. I will marry you." Chrissy points out that Norman hasn't asked yet, so he starts to ask Robin if it's all right. "Not him, me. And I accept."
Lee: Actually, Jack, I was hoping you could help me out. I need a date for the dinner tonight.
Jack: (laughing nervously) You could probably win one.
Lee: I thought you might know a girl who'd enjoy a night of, uh, dancing, champagne, caviar, that sort of thing.
Jack says sorry, he doesn't know anybody like that. Amer-Chrissy points at herself.
Lee: Maybe Janet or Chrissy would like to go.
Janet: I'd love to, but, uh, I can't. I have plans tonight.
Jack: Well, Lee, it looks like you're out of luck.
Chrissy points at herself again. Lee asks if she's free tonight. She exclaims, "Yeah!"
Jack says Chrissy can't have dinner with Lee because of the special dinner Jack is making. Then he cries, "Oh my God, the quiche!" He runs into the kitchen.
Lee says he has to go check into his hotel. (Where is his luggage? In a waiting cab downstairs?) He and the girls get to their feet.
Norman tells Brit-Chrissy he'll pick her up at eight o'clock. She says, "Lovely." Robin looks disgusted.
Lee says he'll pick up Amer-Chrissy at 8.
Lee: By the way, it's formal.
Chrissy: Oh, OK. Well, I'll call you Mr. Tripper, and you can call me Miss Snow.
She goes to her room to get dressed, so Janet starts to show Lee out. (Because the front door is so far away from the couch!) Jack enters with his quiche, black and smoking. He says it's a little overdone. Lee laughs and says, "Good to see you, Jack. You haven't changed a bit." Jack miserably says, "Neither have you."
And we dissolve to the living room again.
Plates: George is watching a football match downstairs, making running commentary. Mildred comes in with a tray. She's wearing her banana trousers. He barely noticed what he ate for the main meal. She says he smothers everything wth tomato sauce.
She thinks she must've washed up 40,000 plates since they were married. (So 2000 plates a year? That's like 5 1/2 plates a day. Possible, especially if she's counting the ones for her and guests.) He says they only own six.
She says tomorrow night they'll go out to dinner. He's still not paying attention. She brought him rhubarb pie and custard for pudding (dessert). She puts tomato sauce on the rhubarb. He eats some but it takes him awhile to notice. He likes it though.
Jealous: That night, Robin is in his dressing gown, playing solitaire. Jack, still in his plaid and jeans, is pacing.
Jo, in her dressing gown, brings Robin tea. She tells him to put the red 9 on the 10 of Clovers. He says he could also put it on the 10 of Shovels, but it happens to be a red 6.
She looks at her watch and says it's getting late. He says he's playing as fast as he can. She observes that Chrissy isn't back yet.
Robin: Isn't she? I hadn't noticed.
Jo: I bet they're having a really nice time.
He says they might not be. They might be very bored. He admits that he's very bored.
Jo goes to bed. Robin says, "Oh to hell with it," and puts the 10 of Clovers on the red 6.
Jack hears someone at the door so he yanks it open and cries, "Aha!" Janet falls into the room. He says he just wanted fresh air. She says perhaps he's waiting up for Amer-Chrissy. He scoffs and then admits it.
She thinks maybe he's a little jealous of his brother. He denies it and says he's just worried about a friend. Janet says, "Your friend is just doing your brother a favor. She's not interested in him."
There's laughter offscreen on both shows. With 3'sC, it's Chrissy laughing briefly, while on MatH it's both Chrissy and Norman, and it goes on awhile. Janet says, "I bet she couldn't wait to get home tonight." Jack goes to let Chrissy in. There's a bang or a pop on the British show, so Robin opens the door.
Norman and Brit-Chrissy lean in as if they're about to kiss. He's in a suit with a dinner jacket, while she's in an orange dress. He's got balloons and streamers draped on him, while she's holding a daffodil. (I think it was a balloon that popped.) Robin tells Norman goodnight, but Norman is coming in.
Jack loudly says, "Well, Chrissy, did you have a nice time?" He opens the door on Lee and Chrissy in the middle of a long kiss. Lee is holding her, while her knees are bent so that her feet are off the ground. Jack mumbles, "You don't have to answer that."
And 3'sC breaks for commercials.
Still have begged for more: 3'sC picks up where it left off. Jack gets Lee and Chrissy's attention. They stop kissing and Lee sets her down. The two of them laugh. Lee is wearing black tie, while Chrissy's in a nice but not memorable dress.
Norman says it was a fabulous evening. There was iced champagne, smoked salmon, chandeliers, and a full-string orchestra. Robin says it sounds pretty boring. (I have to agree. Well, chandeliers are cool.)
Brit-Chrissy says it was a marvelous orchestra. She breaks into "I Could've Danced All Night." Norman joins in and they start dancing around the lounge. Robin says he'll get the black coffee. Chrissy says to leave it to her. She goes to the nearest door, so he tells her she's going into his bedroom. She giggles and says, "Naughty boy!"
Lee and Amer-Chrissy dance into the apartment but don't sing.
Norman tells Robin that Brit-Chrissy is a marvelous dancer. He hasn't had such a good partner since he won the gold medal in the something something Championship. Robin joins in before Norman is done.
Lee tells Jack and Janet that Amer-Chrissy is a marvelous dancer. He hasn't had a partner like her since he won first place in the All-City Ballroom Dance Competition. Jack joins in before Lee is done. Then Lee ruffles Jack's hair. Jack looks murderous.
Robin tries to tell Norman that he and Chrissy sort of had a-- But since they don't have anything but tension, no actual commitment, he can't complete his sentence. Instead, he says that Norman always takes things he wants, like his teddy bear when he was a kid. He says, "It's just that I'm a bit worried about her." Norman says he thinks she's in the trunk in the attic, meaning the teddy.
Meanwhile, Chrissy is too drunk to get the coffee grounds into the cups, just dropping them on the counter.
Robin rushes Norman out. Norman wants to say goodbye to Chrissy, in an intimate way. Robin tells him to describe it and he'll do it. He tells his brother cheerio and goes in the kitchen, where he sees Chrissy stirring an empty cup.
He says Norman had to go. She says Norman is very nice. Robin offers to take her to bed, saying it unsuggestively. Hanging on to Robin, she exclaims, "I like him!"
Robin: So we all do. But I mean, take away his dinner jacket, his suave chat, his flashy little white sports car, and what are you left with?
Chrissy: You.
He nods. And we go to adverts.
Come and go: The next morning, Robin cooks breakfast. He's wearing a shirt that says, "SEX MAKES ME COME AND GO." He asks Jo if Chrissy said anything about last night. Jo says Chrissy said something about belonging to Glasgow. (Yes, another old song: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Belong_to_Glasgow )
Chrissy comes in, very chipper. She says bacon and eggs are her favourite. Robin is surprised she's not hung over, but she says she only had three champagne cocktails last night. Then when he sets the plate before her, she can't face the food. She says her eyelashes ache. Robin says that's what happens when you have a good evening.
Winking, Janet says Amer-Chrissy probably had a really rotten time tonight. Chrissy laughs.
Brit-Chrissy says she only remembers bits. Amer-Chrissy says tonight's just a great big blur. The Chrissys remember water, and things going round and round.
Jo: (seriously) You were in a laundrette.
Jack: (sarcastically) You went to a laundromat?
Brit-Chrissy says the dance was by the river. Lee says that there's a fountain outside the Ocean View Plaza Hotel.
Brit-Chrissy and Norman walked along the grass, looking up at the stars. Robin asks, "Vertically or horizontally?", although diagonally would make more sense. She says Norman picked her a daffodil from a windowbox. (Have the police ever looked into this constant raiding and desecration of windowboxes? It's a London crime wave!) Then she realises what Robin's implying.
Amer-Chrissy is still laughing. Janet asks if she's been drinking. Holding up four fingers, she says it was just three champagne cocktails. Janet escorts her towards the kitchen for some very strong black coffee.
Robin won't come right out and say what he's implying. Chrissy is indignant. Jo calmly tries to explain. Then she says they're going to be late for work. Chrissy says, "Honestly, five champagne cocktails and he thinks I'm anybody's." Robin is shocked and follows the girls into the lounge.
Amer-Chrissy says she's all right, since she only had five champagne cocktails. Jack grabs her arm and says, "Five? You said three just now." She replies, "Yeah, three and five is eight." Janet takes her into the ktichen.
After Robin nags her about drinking and coming home late, Brit-Chrissy says, "You know, it's really weird. I hear my mother's voice and I see him." Jo says he's just jealous. He denies it.
Brit-Chrissy opens the door. Norman is there with a bouquet for her, which Jo passes on to Robin. Jo says they're going to be late for work.
Norman: Do you need a lift?
Jo: No thank you, I'll use the stairs.
The girls leave. Robin tells Norman that orchids are a bit flash. He pulls Norman into the flat for a chat. Norman wonders if this is about the teddy. Robin says no and asks him about Chrissy. Norman says it's none of Robin's business.
Robin says Chrissy was pissed last night. Norman says she only had six champagne cocktails.
Robin beats around the bush again, till Norman says, "For a man who just said pissed, you're being very mealy-mouthed.
Norman tells him that he never tries it on with a girl on the first time out. But he was going to ask her out again tonight. Robin says that would be the second time. Norman says, "I do believe you're right."
Robin says that tonight Chrissy is going out with him. Norman says it's his last night in town. Robin says, "You know, I do believe you're right." He smiles mischievously.
Jack asks Lee, "What was that at the door?" Lee says it was a simple goodnight kiss. Jack asks if anything happened tonight. Lee says, "Of course not!" He never tries that with a girl on the first date.
Jack: Thank goodness!
Lee: Of course, I'm seeing Chrissy tomorrow night.
Jack: That would be, that would be the second date.
Lee: Jack, you always were good at math.
He hits Jack playfully on the chin.
He exits and the scene dissolves to the living room yet again.
Opportunity Knocks: Later in the British subplot, Mildred brushes George's dinner jacket. She's wearing a hot pink dress. George enters and says he'll miss Opportunity Knocks.
[ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opportunity_Knocks_(UK_TV_series) ) ] They're having a banjo-playing dog tonight.
She sees the jacket he's got on and tells him he's not wearing Old Faithful tonight. It's been over the bonnet (hood) of the car all winter. She makes him put his decent one on.
She asks if he changed his underpants. He says yes and she starched them. They'll crack like a pistol shot when he sits down. She smiles.
She asks if he cleaned behind his ears. He says he's not a kid.
He gleefully says he forgot to book a table, but she says she did.
Then she tells him to take off his plimsolls. We cut to his worn-out shoes.
Rot: Jo is reading a magazine as Robin straightens his tie. Chrissy comes in wearing a sort of peasant-style blue dress. Robin says she looks nice, then adds, "How can I describe it? It would take a Keats or a Shelley."
Chrissy doesn't remember arranging to eat out tonight. Robin says it's a little French restaurant around the corner.
Chrissy: What about Jo?
Jo: Oh, don't worry about me. I'll just go and sit in the kitchen and rot.
Robin: Good girl.
He takes Chrissy's hand and leads her to the door. But Norman is on the other side, with a box of chocolates, which he gives to Chrissy.
Bart: Jack is sitting on the couch with the photo album again, this time alone and in a different outfit. He says, "Class valedictorian," and gives a raspberry. "First place 100-yard freestyle. First in everything. He was even firstborn."
The doorbell rings and he gets it. It's Mr. Furley again. He's here to fix the sink.
Mr. Furley asks what's wrong, since Jack doesn't seem to be his usual gay self, ha ha. Jack says his brother's upset him. Mr. Furley can relate to that, since part of his characterization is that he feels inferior to his brother, who owns the building. (Unlike Stanley Roper, Ralph Furley is just the manager.)
Ralph: When I was growing up, I always felt inferior to my brother, Bart.
Jack: You did, why?
Ralph: My parents told me I was.
Jack: That's terrible!
When they went to the beach, Bart buried him in the sand, head first. And after Bart lost all his baby teeth, he stole Ralph's to get the money from the Tooth Fairy.
Jack: From under your pillow when you were asleep?
Ralph: No, out of my mouth when I was awake. Wasn't he a pistol?
Jack feels better now but Mr. Furley is depressed. He starts to leave.
Chrissy comes home with Lee and introduces him to Mr. Furley. Ralph exclaims, "You keep your hands off his teeth!", then exits.
Jack says Mr. Furley is allergic to brothers. Lee says, "Well, I love mine!" He ruffles Jack's hair again.
Lee says it's beautiful weather out. Jack says it's been cloudy all morning. Lee says that the sun is always shining when he's near Chrissy.
Dinner for...: Lee asks if Chrissy is busy tonight. Before she can reply, Jack says remember, they're going to Chez Robert (with a silent T), just the two of them.
Norman/Lee says it's a shame because it's his last night in town and he wanted to take Robin/Jack out to dinner. Robin/Jack is so surprised that he lets himself be manipulated into having to go to dinner with Robin/Lee and the Chrissys because he doesn't want his brother and his roommate to have dinner alone.
It sounds like Lee says he'll pick them up at teven, but I could've misheard him. He exits.
Chrissy goes to her room as Janet comes home. Jack tells Janet that somehow Lee managed to invite himself to dinner. Janet thinks this is a good thing.
Janet: Where's the one place that nobody can compete with you?
Jack: (trying to look suave) My bedroom?
Janet: Guess again.
She says they're going to a restaurant, and he says it's a French restaurant. She says that's even better, because his specialty is French cuisine. She tells him to be a good sport and not embarrass his brother too much. He says he'll try not to. He looks sly.
Garcon: The two sets of brothers and Chrissys enter the French restaurants. Jack says this is one of the finest restaurants in the city. Robin says they know him quite well. Jack says they know him here. Robin calls the restaurant manager Charles and is corrected to "Alphonse." Jack calls him Robert (with the silent T) and is corrected to "Maurice." Robin says to give Charles his best wishes, while Jack says to give Robert his best.
Alphonse is listed in the credits as "Restaurant Manager" and is played by Steve Plytas. Mr. Plytas was actually Turkish, but as far back as '58 he was playing a French restaurant manager. He also played Arabs, Russians, Swiss, and Germans, including George I of England. Maurice is played by Albert Carrier, who was born in Canada but often cast as French, from hairdressers to generals, but, yes, with a lot of restaurant staff thrown in.
Robin/Jack asks for a quiet table for three/trois. Alphonse/Maurice says Robin/Jack has no reservation and they're full. Norman/Lee smoothly bribes Alphonse/Maurice, who then offers a quiet table. Brit-Chrissy tells Robin that it's obviously an advantage that they don't know him. Lee says merci.
Alphonse/Maurice escorts them to the table. Alphonse pulls chairs out for Brit-Chrissy and Norman, but poor Robin stands around for awhile until he has to seat himself.
On 3'sC, the tables are further apart and the place looks more upscale than the London restaurant. Maurice just seats Amer-Chrissy. The men seat themselves.
Alphonse corrects Robin's pronunciation, repeatedly, and Robin still doesn't get it right. Alphonse gets annoyed and sends over the waiter, played by Lawrence Davidson. Mr. Davidson was in a television production of Pride and Prejudice in 1952, but he didn't start appearing steadily till almost a decade later. He often played French, including the President of France in Curse of the Pink Panther (1983).
Maurice just waits on the table himself.
When Robin starts to order in French, the waiter replies in rapid French. Jack also orders French dishes. Amer-Chrissy says, "Wonderful." Maurice replies in French. Robin/Jack says he only speaks food.
Norman orders something in French and the waiter replies in a friendly manner, the two of them chatting in French for a bit. The same thing happens in America, except that I can catch some of Lee's words, like "mon frere" (my brother).
Jack says, "We'll have what he's having." He looks humiliated.
The Brit-Ropers come in. Mildred tells Alphonse that they have a reservation under "Mrs. Roper and husband." He escorts them to a table. Out of Alphonse's hearing, George says this is a Froggy restaurant, not proper food. It'll be all snails and horsemeat.
They see the Tripps and Chrissy, exchanging hellos. They're seated at the next table.
George calls the waiter "Garcon," with a hard C. He says there's no tomato sauce, clarifying this with "No tomato sauce-o, savvy?" The waiter goes to get some.
George nudges Robin and says, "You speak this wog lingo, don't you? What's that say?" Robin replies, "Oh, you'll like that. It's snails and horsemeat." ("Wog" is an ethnic slur, usually applied to dark-skinned people, although it can be used against a Mediterranean person.
Robin wants to start out with one dish I can't spell, but Norman says, "Not for me." He had some before and was ill for days. He suggests Chrissy try the pâté. As a compromise, Chrissy says she'll have the melon.
George is outraged by the tomato sauce coming in a gravy boat. He wants it in a proper bottle. He grumbles about the foreign muck.
Both scenes dissolve and we return to the restaurants after dinner has been eaten. Norman is going to pay the check, but Robin insists on it. Then he sees it and suggests they split it. Norman picks it up and says Robin can pay it next time. Chrissy thanks them both.
Amer-Chrissy says the meal was delicious.
Jack: My pleasure, Chrissy.
Lee: I'm just glad I was able to order for you.
Jack: I picked the restaurant.
Lee: And you almost got us a table.
This is where the episodes really diverge, and I'm going to talk about 3'sC74 first because it's a stand-alone, while MatH37 has huge ramifications.
Gateau: Maurice offers them dessert, but Chrissy says, "Not for me, my waistline." Jack orders the gateau au chocolat. Then he talks about one dish, demonstrating how you have to roll the dough. He spills his drink on himself and bangs into Maurice, who spills the gateau on Lee.
Maurice apologizes to Lee, who doesn't blame him. Lee goes to the restroom. Maurice takes the dessert tray away.
Jack says whenever he's around his brother, he can't do anything right. He misses his chair when he tries to sit down. He calls himself a klutz. She says he's not a klutz.
Chrissy: Don't you see? It's no contest.
Jack: Don't rub it in.
She says she'd much rather spend an evening with him than his brother. "If your brother Lee were a cake, he'd be all icing. But you're all cake, with a lot of layers." This deservedly gets applause.
Chrissy says Jack is real and Lee isn't. Jack says Lee is a winner.
Chrissy: Remember that Pittsburgh ballplayer, Willy Startrek?
Jack: Stargell.
Chrissy: Whatever. When Willy steps up to the home plate to hit that winning touchdown, the crowd goes wild!
Jack: (amused) I don't blame 'em.
She says that Willy is doing it for the team and for them. "With your brother, he's just doing it for himself, and to say, 'Look how good I am.' " She says she feels sorry for Lee. Jack is surprised.
She says Lee is so predictable. When he comes back, he'll say, "Don't worry about the suit. I have another one at home just like it."
Lee returns. Jack starts to apologize, but Lee says what Chrissy predicted. The audience applauds. Jack laughs and Chrissy tries not to.
Jack says he suddenly feels really good about himself. He apologizes about the spill. Lee says, "Forget it. I just can't imagine going through life doing things like that." Jack says Lee also can't hit a touchdown with a baseball bat. He swings his fork and hits Chrissy's drink, spilling it onto her. She cries, "Jack, you klutz!" He looks sheepish.
Slam dunk: In the tag, Chrissy is wearing short-shorts and watering the plants. Jack is vacuuming. Janet enters from the kitchen with a wastebasket. Jack turns off the vacuum and slam-dunks a wad of paper. Chrissy cheers. Jack gives Janet a low-ten and then they do the Bump.
Janet says Jack is certainly in a good mood. He says that ever since his brother Lee left on that airplane, he feels this tremendous weight off his shoulders. He's all thumbs when Lee is around. "Now that he's gone, I can do whatever I want." He grabs Janet and smooches her. Then he grabs Chrissy, who's watering plants again. He tries to smooch her, but she sprays him. Janet laughs. Chrissy says, "Except that."
Janet says, "Back to work." She tells Jack to take out the trash. She'll clean the bathroom.
The doorbell rings and Chrissy answers it while Jack's in the kitchen getting the trash. It's Lee. Chrissy calls out, "Jack, your brother's back!" We see Jack spill the trash, knock over the table, stumble into the living room, kick the wastepaper basket, and fall at Lee's feet. The audience applauds.
Jack asks what Lee is doing here. Lee says he missed his plane. Jack says, "Can't you do anything right?" Lee and the girls help him to his feet.
And the American episode ends.
Potato: Norman says he's had a wonderful two days. Chrissy says, "I've enjoyed it, too." They hold onto each other's hands, so Robin puts his hand on top and does "One potato, two potato." Norman says, "On that sophisticated note, we'd better go." They say goodnight to the Ropers and leave.
George is shocked by the 50p for couvert, which he didn't order. Mildred says that's the cover charge. He asks the waiter to knock off a bit, since he's English and he "saved you lot during the war." He says the French come over here on their bicycles, with their string of onions, and buy themselves a monkey jacket.
He realises he doesn't have his wallet, because he left it in Old Faithful. So they'll have to wash dishes.
Dog bites boy: In the last scene, Robin is lying on the settee, suffering, with a blanket over him. There's a different Scottish doctor than before, played by John Harvey. Mr. Harvey had an uncredited film role in 1935, but didn't start appearing regularly till the late '40s. He not only portrayed doctors but a lot of detectives, policemen, and such.
As this doctor, he says it's a mild case of food poisoning. Jo suggests pumping Robin out. The doctor says that won't be necessary. He hands her Robin's prescription and says, "A spoonful of that would pump out Loch Ness."
After the girls and the doctor exit to the kitchen, Norman says he can't leave his only brother confined to a sick bed. He's decided to stay for another week. Besides, someone has to keep an eye on Chrissy.
Robin says, "Remember that puppy when I was a kid?" It kept biting him. No one could make it sit up and beg except Norman. "Well, it's bloody well happening again, isn't it?" He collapses in pain, obviously not just from food poisoning.
And the British episode ends.
Commentary: The casting of the brothers is really good. They look like Robin and Jack respectively, while of course being taller. They also match up in personality. Even the names feel like sets, without doing that thing of "All my children have names that start with B: Bryan, Britney, Bethany, etc." Norman Eshley is of course doing The Danza, although he didn't make a habit of it like Tony D. He's actually a year younger than Richard O'Sullivan, which also means, yes, it's ironic that he was the "older man" for Chrissy a couple years earlier. John Getz is in fact two years older than John Ritter, although the Trippers' age difference isn't specified. Mr. Getz got his start in the TV-movie Killer Bees (1974), and has worked steadily ever since, including as a lawyer in The Social Network.
We never find out exactly what either Norman or Lee does for a living, but maybe it's left deliberately vague, so we can imagine the most enviable job. (Or they didn't want to date the shows, although that's hardly a concern otherwise, is it?) I'm a little surprised Norman lives in Southampton, but maybe he was just visiting his parents before driving to see Robin. Lee lives far enough away that he has to fly to L.A.
Norman is presented as a more likable person than Lee is, which is good since we're asked to take that two-day relationship more seriously. Lee is much more condescending to Jack, while Norman handles, for instance, the check situation in a more considerate way. On the other hand, Norman is rather sneaky, asking Chrissy her plans for the evening, when Robin already told him she had plans with him. At least Lee, as far as we know, expected both her and Jack to be free.
Jack's feelings about Lee's date with Chrissy are less complicated than Robin's. He still lusts after Chrissy but they have been living together three years at this point, and he is, if not quite like a brother, at least pretty comfortable with the platonic situation. He's protective of Chrissy and annoyed that his brother has once again charmed people he likes. As for Chrissy, she's clearly attracted to Lee, but in the sober light of day she realizes that he's self-centered and not as much fun as Jack.
Janet is probably just trying to make Jack feel better when she says that Amer-Chrissy isn't interested in Lee, since she says she has other plans that night in order to help Chrissy go out with Lee. (We never find out if she really did, or if she was bluffing so Chrissy could go. We also don't find out where she went then, or the next day. Janet's social life is more of a closed book than her roommates'.)
Jo seems to approve of Norman and Brit-Chrissy going out, although she might just be teasing Robin. There's no scene of either set of female roommates discussing the matter. The way the episodes end, it would be difficult for Amer-Chrissy and Lee to pursue anything, since she's seen through him, while Brit-Chrissy is still very fond of Norman. They didn't have to continue the relationship, since all of Chrissy's other relationships have fizzled out, but it is nicely set up for that. Norman is staying in London not just to look after his sick brother but to "keep an eye on Chrissy."
And does Chrissy want him keeping an eye on her? I think she does. Ironically, this seems to be the most she's fallen for a man since Ian Cross. There is no disillusionment or complication this time, as there so often is for her and her fellows. (Or in the case of the secret admirer, the fellow turning out to be Jo's.)
I suppose I should say something about the British subplot, but it's just there, incorporated into the main plot without enriching it or weakening it. It was easily removed for the American show, and I'm perfectly happy to get more of Jack and Mr. Furley's insecurities about their brothers instead. Also, note they're doing that "my sister Nancy" thing again. There are many moments when we hear about "my/your brother Lee" and "my/your brother Bart," when these are families of two boys and there's no need to be that specific. The irony is that when Jack's father shows up a couple years later, he's Jack Tripper, Sr. On that episode and the one where Jack pretends to have a twin brother, Lee has been retconned out. Robin, on the other hand, will not find it so easy to get rid of his brother....
Thursday, July 21, 2011
"The Sunshine Boys"
This plot, which centres around tanning, absolutely could not have been transferred over to the Santa Monica trio. It aired on 17 March 1976 and is set during the rainy months of England, which admittedly doesn't narrow it down much. The title comes from the previous year's Oscar-winning movie with Walter Matthau and George Burns.
It's just a jump to the left: The episode opens with a close-up of the Ropers' wireless. A band called Pelvic Thrust plays until the d.j. goes into his patter. He says you're tuned in, turned on, and being tantalised by Ricky Bird, your OK d.j. When he says, "Right on," George says, "Right off," and turns the wireless off.
Mildred enters from the bedroom and turns the wireless back on because she wants to know the time. He turns the wireless off again and says he prefers some World War Two announcer, whom he imitates. He tells Mildred it's ten o'clock.
She asks for his wages. He says he didn't do his full three days at the betting shop. And when she takes the envelope, she knows there's a pound missing because there's always a pound missing.
He says he's saving up, but he won't tell her for what.
George: Isn't a man entitled to a bit of privacy?
Mildred: Not when he's married.
Torremolinos: Meanwhile, Robin and Chrissy are looking at travel brochures on their settee. He wants to go skiing, but she wants to go to the beach. She thinks he'll hurt himself skiing, but he says, "I've learned to fall without hurting myself. It comes from years of drinking."
Jo enters from the kitchen and suggests they compromise by going to a very steep beach.
Larry knocks and enters. Robin has invited him along, to the girls' displeasure. He admits that Larry is the last person you'd want to share a holiday with. Larry says it's nice to feel wanted. Robin says it'll be cheaper with a fourth person.
Chrissy says they're going to Torremolinos. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Torremolinos ) Larry agrees to that, so Jo tells Robin it's three to one and he's outvoted.
After the girls exit for the kitchen, Robin calls Larry a berk. He tells Larry there's plenty of talent in San Moritz. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Moritz ) Larry says to think of all those zips (on the ski clothes). He prefers all that crumpet on the beach. Robin says there will also be local bronzed studs, and Robin will look like a whitewashed milk bottle in comparison. He says that the last time he went to the beach, three people went down with snow blindness.
After Larry leaves, Robin lifts his shirt and looks at his stomach in the mirror. Then he shrieks in horror.
Sunray: We see Larry going downstairs, whistling. Mr. Roper comes out of his flat and invites him in.
George: I'll come straight to the point, Robin.
Larry: Larry.
(Well, at least he's trying.)
He tells Larry he needs some money because he's saving up.
George: I decided to sell something and thought of you.
Larry: You can't sell me.
George says there must be something Larry is short of. Yeah, there is: money.
George offers him the wireless, but Larry already has one. The sewing machine? Larry doesn't do a lot of sewing. George says he could take it up, while listening to the wireless.
George offers him a "reading lamp," but Larry recognises it as a sunray lamp. George says it'll make Larry brown, with ultraviolent [sic] rays.
Larry: How much?
George: Oh, very brown.
When he realises Larry means the cost, he says 5 quid.
1830: This segues to Larry telling Robin the lamp would cost him 10 quid. Larry's flat contains Robin's disturbing poster with a headless woman's body hanging on a hanger, like a coat, from the first series.
Robin asks where Larry got the lamp. He says it's a family heirloom, from 1830. Robin points out that they didn't have electricity then. Larry says that's why it's in such good "nick," meaning condition in this instance, although "nick" will have a different meaning later.
Larry says that after a couple weeks of using the lamp, Robin will be golden brown all over, like a crisp with legs. Robin asks if Larry could just lend it, but Larry says no.
Robin is tempted, since he'll be all brown and sexy.
Larry: Oh, stop it. I'm beginning to fancy you.
Robin: So will all the girls.
Larry asks for his 12 quid, and someone in the audience reacts. Robin also catches the price being jacked up, so Larry apologises and goes back to 10 quid. He's still making a 100% profit of course, off his best friend.
Nice: On the middle floor, the girls are looking at the brochures. Jo says they don't have to go to Spain. They could go to France or Italy.
Chrissy: Pisa's nice but Nice is nicer.
Jo: Say that again.
Chrissy: I don't think I could.
They laugh.
Robin comes back with the lamp. He gives them fair warning that he's going to strip off.
Chrissy: Where did you get that?
Robin: No, you're supposed to say that after I've taken them [clothes] off.
Chrissy of course means the lamp.
After Robin says he got it from Larry, Chrissy says it's stolen property.
Robin: You're very hard on Larry. He's got this framed certificate on his wall, commending him for all the good work he's done for charity.
Jo: He has?
Robin: Yeah, he nicked it from a junk shop.
Robin laughs.
Chrissy wants to use the lamp on her house plants. Robin sarcastically says she should get the frozen joint out of the fridge and thaw it out on his stomach. She says that's a good idea. He says, "Bloody hell!"
Clock: Downstairs, George counts his 5 quid. He starts to head out as Mildred comes home. She asks, "George, why is it when I come in, you always go out? We're like that little man and woman in the weather clock."
She stops him from leaving and tells him to go back in their flat. She says she's been thinking and she was a bit harsh, not letting him have the money. She asks if he's saving up for something in the area of jewelry, or something chocolaty, or flower-like. He says no to all of this. She snaps, "Then you're not having it, you selfish little devil!"
Tarzan: The girls bring some plants through the kitchen and into the lounge.
Jo: Do you think they need to know it's not the real sun?
Chrissy: Well, I won't tell them if you won't.
Robin enters from his bedroom. With a colourful towel wrapped around him, he prances while singing the inevitable stripper tune. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-9F_HWel5g ) Chrissy reads a brochure, and Jo looks equally unimpressed. The audience is very amused.
Robin drops his towel and strikes a muscleman pose. Chrissy says it makes you want to kick sand in his face. Robin's suit is a bit lowcut, but maybe that was the style in the '70s, despite the modest things I'd see Archie and Reggie wear in the comic books.
Robin says, "I'm amazed at how you two girls can control that animal passion that must be seething inside you." Chrissy laughs.
He lies down on the floor. He says there are plenty of girls who'd melt at the sight of these rippling muscles. Chrissy asks who, which of course invokes the Lenny & Squiggy rule. Mrs. Roper comes in, returning sugar, but she gets very distracted by Robin. She tells him that he looks a little bit like Tarzan in the midst of all the plants.
He has Jo turn on the lamp. She asks if he wants to be rare, medium, or well done. Chrissy says that too much of it is bad for you, and asks Mrs. Roper to confirm this. Not thinking of sunlight, Mildred says, "I wouldn't know, Love."
Jo says if they had two lamps, Robin could do his back and front at the same time. With a slight American accent, Chrissy says, "That's the way they do Kentucky Fried Chicken." Laughing, Jo says he'd be finger lickin' good. Chrissy and Mildred laugh, too.
Mildred goes to get her lamp. Uh oh.
Dusty: She looks for the lamp downstairs. George returns from wherever he's been. She says her sister gave her the lamp because it was getting dusty. He asks if this is the one with the scratches off the back. When she says yes, he says he hasn't seen it.
He gets very defensive about her not trusting him. She tries to apologise, but he says he'll swear on the Bible. He mumbles though, so she says, "You don't fool God by mumbling, George."
She thinks the lamp has been stolen. Then she realises that Robin has a sunray lamp upstairs. She's shocked as it sinks in.
And we go to adverts.
There's not all that much more of the scene when we return. Mildred says she doesn't want to believe Mr. Tripp is a thief. And we go back up to the middle flat.
Rabbits: Robin wonders how his tan is coming along. Chrissy says if he were a sausage, she could stick a fork in him. (No, this doesn't count as RCST, sorry.)
He says it's boring laying here and he'd like her to make rabbits (shadow puppet rabbits) on his chest. When Jo comes in, Chrissy says, "He wants me to make rabbits on his chest!" Jo calls him a dirty devil, which is usually what people call George.
Jo says Robin has only been under the lamp for a few minutes. Chrissy says, "What do you expect, instant Harry Belafonte?"
Mildred returns and says she couldn't find her lamp. Chrissy says they'll make do with one and turn Robin round on a spit.
Mildred sees that this lamp has the same scratches as her lamp.
Robin asks Jo for something to protect his nose from peeling. She goes to get an empty corn flakes packet. (Do I have to add a "Corn Flakes" tag for these posts now?)
Robin: It's not that big!
Mildred: How long have you had it?
Robin: Ever since I was born.
Then he realises she means the lamp rather than his nose. He says he got it off Larry half an hour ago. She says, "Larry? Of course, I might've known."
Footprints: George is feeding the budgie, who doesn't get enough onscreen time to merit the "Roper's bird" tag. Mildred returns and says it's her lamp and now she knows who took it. George defensively says it's a lie. She says it was Mr. Simmonds upstairs.
George says she'll need proof, like footprints. She says she's accusing Larry of stealing the lamp, not dancing on it.
When they look out the window and see Larry coming back, George insists that it's a man's job confronting Larry. He greets Larry at the front door and yells at him so Mildred will think he's getting tough. He escorts Larry upstairs, yelling some more. She comes out of her flat and waits at the foot of the stairs.
When they get to Larry's flat, George tells him they're having nice weather for this time of year. There's a poster of a blonde girl behind them, naked to the waist. George yells that Larry can't let it happen again. Then he quietly says it was nice talking to Larry.
He goes back downstairs to his own flat. He tells Mildred that Larry broke down and confessed, in tears. She says Larry has got to go. George says they can't be too harsh. Larry is an orphan from a broken home. (It strikes me now that we don't know anything about Larry's family, unlike the rest of the people in the building. We even know more about Percy the barman.)
George: He hasn't had a lot of love.
Mildred: Neither have I, but I don't go around stealing lamps.
George says it's better to give than to receive. She points out that she didn't give the lamp, Larry nicked it.
George asks, "How do you think his poor old grey-haired mum and dad are gonna feel?" She says he just said they're dead. He says that doesn't mean they haven't got any feelings.
Mildred says she'll think it over, but right now she's going to get her lamp. He tells her that he'll get it and she can make a nice cuppa. He exits and she shakes her head.
Villa: Robin wears part of the corn flakes packet, saying "ORN," over his nose, held in place by his sunglasses. He checks on the time and then takes a break. He tells Chrissy that tomorrow he'll tan himself in a place he hasn't before. He points to a few feet over. She laughs.
She tells him the villa sleeps four and is overlooking the sea and sand. He says that's overlooking the price. She says they're splitting it so they each pay half. He says that's 200%.
Mr. Roper knocks and lets himself in. He says it's nice weather for this time of year. Chrissy says it's pouring down. He says it's nice inside.
He tells Robin, "I want to borrow your whatshisname for a bit, mainly to keep Mildred happy." The audience reacts to this innuendo. Chrissy says he'll never get it downstairs without taking the wheels off. Robin says he might bend the aerial a bit. Chrissy says then they'll never get any icecubes. George says he means the lamp.
Robin says he'll need it back later. George says that's all right because it'll have all blown over by then. He exits with the lamp.
He goes downstairs and calls to Mildred.
Sap: The lamp has been doing Chrissy's plants some good. Robin, now wearing a turtleneck but still his shorts, says, "And me." By spring he'll have blossoms under there, meaning his armpits.
As Jo enters in a black bikini, Robin says, "I can feel my sap-- rising." Chrissy, looking at the buds on the plant says, "Oh, I think one of them's starting to come out." Robin says yes.
Jo wants to sunbathe. Chrissy says Jo's suit doesn't leave much to the imagination. Jo says, "If you've got it, let the air get to it. Anyway, the one you bought shows even more." So Robin suggests that Chrissy sunbathe, too. Chrissy says she'd quite like to, if they had the lamp. Robin says he'll get the lamp.
Jo says if she keeps the top half on, she'll get white marks. Chrissy says she needs someone to rub her suntain oil in. Robin is getting nervously excited. He runs down to get the lamp. Chrissy says there was steam coming out of his ears.
"Why, Mr. Tripp?": Robin knocks but no one answers. He lets himself in and sees the lamp.
The Ropers go down the hallway, she with the tea tray. He suggests they forget the whole thing. She says young people these days seem to have no respect for other people's property.
Robin exits their flat, taking the lamp. She sadly asks, "Why, Mr. Tripp?" He says he wants it. She says it doesn't belong to Mr. Simmonds. He says it's his and goes upstairs with it.
Mildred: George!
George: Perhaps he's an orphan as well.
Wooly's: Robin plugs the lamp in again, but he's all thumbs. He strips off his turtleneck, and squeezes in between the two girls, who are sitting on the floor. Chrissy's blue bikini is actually less revealing than Jo's. He offers suntan lotion, but Chrissy says they already put it on.
Larry comes in and remarks on the "lovely pairs." Putting her sunglasses on, Chrissy says you can get 'em at Wooly's (I assume Woolworth's), for only one pound fifty.
Robin gets to his feet and says, "You've got a nose for this sort of thing," meaning finding girls in bikinis. He asks what Larry wants, but Larry has forgotten.
Larry: Can I stay and watch?
Robin: Be my guest.
Larry: You're a mate.
They shake hands and of course Robin gets suntan oil on Larry.
Mildred comes in and takes the lamp. She says, "I'm very sorry about your parents, Mr. Simmonds." Everyone is baffled. She says she can understand Larry stealing, but Robin? Larry says, "Hang on a bit," and he bought it off Mr. Roper for 5 quid. Robin says, "How much?"
Beeton and Beaten: In the last scene, George is sitting on the settee when Mildred comes home with the lamp. She says he swore on the Bible. He says it was actually Mrs. Beeton's World Cookery Book. The audience laughs a lot. (I suspect this is a made-up title, since the Victorian author is mainly known for her massively successful Mrs. Beeton's Book of Household Management.)
She thinks he needed the money for more of his mucky little magazines. He says it was the deposit for a holiday, a second honeymoon, and it was meant to be a surprise. He thought it would bring them together closer than they've been for some time. She's touched.
But the travel agency wasn't open and the betting shop was. He bet on a horse. The episode ends on her about to bean him with Mrs. Beaton.
Commentary: Lecherous as Jack and Amer-Larry are, they do live in a world where girls frequently wear bikinis, so I don't think that they'd be as stunned as Robin and Brit-Larry are. The Englishmen can hang porn on their walls, but presented with the sight of their two female friends more undressed than they've ever seen them, steam comes out of their ears. And it's not as if Chrissy and Jo have extraordinary figures. The girls are cute but I suspect you could find more amazing bodies in London.
Mildred shouldn't hit George with a heavy book, but it's understandable, more so than the fuss over the dance last episode. And I do have to wonder why George works in a betting shop (first mentioned many episodes ago), if he likes to bet. But then I never understood why Sam Malone was running Cheers if he was an alcoholic.
Other than that, not much to say. This is another of the episodes with nice writing (like the "selling Larry" bit) but not much plot. It's mainly notable for being the episode right before Robin's brother shows up and changes everything....
It's just a jump to the left: The episode opens with a close-up of the Ropers' wireless. A band called Pelvic Thrust plays until the d.j. goes into his patter. He says you're tuned in, turned on, and being tantalised by Ricky Bird, your OK d.j. When he says, "Right on," George says, "Right off," and turns the wireless off.
Mildred enters from the bedroom and turns the wireless back on because she wants to know the time. He turns the wireless off again and says he prefers some World War Two announcer, whom he imitates. He tells Mildred it's ten o'clock.
She asks for his wages. He says he didn't do his full three days at the betting shop. And when she takes the envelope, she knows there's a pound missing because there's always a pound missing.
He says he's saving up, but he won't tell her for what.
George: Isn't a man entitled to a bit of privacy?
Mildred: Not when he's married.
Torremolinos: Meanwhile, Robin and Chrissy are looking at travel brochures on their settee. He wants to go skiing, but she wants to go to the beach. She thinks he'll hurt himself skiing, but he says, "I've learned to fall without hurting myself. It comes from years of drinking."
Jo enters from the kitchen and suggests they compromise by going to a very steep beach.
Larry knocks and enters. Robin has invited him along, to the girls' displeasure. He admits that Larry is the last person you'd want to share a holiday with. Larry says it's nice to feel wanted. Robin says it'll be cheaper with a fourth person.
Chrissy says they're going to Torremolinos. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Torremolinos ) Larry agrees to that, so Jo tells Robin it's three to one and he's outvoted.
After the girls exit for the kitchen, Robin calls Larry a berk. He tells Larry there's plenty of talent in San Moritz. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Moritz ) Larry says to think of all those zips (on the ski clothes). He prefers all that crumpet on the beach. Robin says there will also be local bronzed studs, and Robin will look like a whitewashed milk bottle in comparison. He says that the last time he went to the beach, three people went down with snow blindness.
After Larry leaves, Robin lifts his shirt and looks at his stomach in the mirror. Then he shrieks in horror.
Sunray: We see Larry going downstairs, whistling. Mr. Roper comes out of his flat and invites him in.
George: I'll come straight to the point, Robin.
Larry: Larry.
(Well, at least he's trying.)
He tells Larry he needs some money because he's saving up.
George: I decided to sell something and thought of you.
Larry: You can't sell me.
George says there must be something Larry is short of. Yeah, there is: money.
George offers him the wireless, but Larry already has one. The sewing machine? Larry doesn't do a lot of sewing. George says he could take it up, while listening to the wireless.
George offers him a "reading lamp," but Larry recognises it as a sunray lamp. George says it'll make Larry brown, with ultraviolent [sic] rays.
Larry: How much?
George: Oh, very brown.
When he realises Larry means the cost, he says 5 quid.
1830: This segues to Larry telling Robin the lamp would cost him 10 quid. Larry's flat contains Robin's disturbing poster with a headless woman's body hanging on a hanger, like a coat, from the first series.
Robin asks where Larry got the lamp. He says it's a family heirloom, from 1830. Robin points out that they didn't have electricity then. Larry says that's why it's in such good "nick," meaning condition in this instance, although "nick" will have a different meaning later.
Larry says that after a couple weeks of using the lamp, Robin will be golden brown all over, like a crisp with legs. Robin asks if Larry could just lend it, but Larry says no.
Robin is tempted, since he'll be all brown and sexy.
Larry: Oh, stop it. I'm beginning to fancy you.
Robin: So will all the girls.
Larry asks for his 12 quid, and someone in the audience reacts. Robin also catches the price being jacked up, so Larry apologises and goes back to 10 quid. He's still making a 100% profit of course, off his best friend.
Nice: On the middle floor, the girls are looking at the brochures. Jo says they don't have to go to Spain. They could go to France or Italy.
Chrissy: Pisa's nice but Nice is nicer.
Jo: Say that again.
Chrissy: I don't think I could.
They laugh.
Robin comes back with the lamp. He gives them fair warning that he's going to strip off.
Chrissy: Where did you get that?
Robin: No, you're supposed to say that after I've taken them [clothes] off.
Chrissy of course means the lamp.
After Robin says he got it from Larry, Chrissy says it's stolen property.
Robin: You're very hard on Larry. He's got this framed certificate on his wall, commending him for all the good work he's done for charity.
Jo: He has?
Robin: Yeah, he nicked it from a junk shop.
Robin laughs.
Chrissy wants to use the lamp on her house plants. Robin sarcastically says she should get the frozen joint out of the fridge and thaw it out on his stomach. She says that's a good idea. He says, "Bloody hell!"
Clock: Downstairs, George counts his 5 quid. He starts to head out as Mildred comes home. She asks, "George, why is it when I come in, you always go out? We're like that little man and woman in the weather clock."
She stops him from leaving and tells him to go back in their flat. She says she's been thinking and she was a bit harsh, not letting him have the money. She asks if he's saving up for something in the area of jewelry, or something chocolaty, or flower-like. He says no to all of this. She snaps, "Then you're not having it, you selfish little devil!"
Tarzan: The girls bring some plants through the kitchen and into the lounge.
Jo: Do you think they need to know it's not the real sun?
Chrissy: Well, I won't tell them if you won't.
Robin enters from his bedroom. With a colourful towel wrapped around him, he prances while singing the inevitable stripper tune. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-9F_HWel5g ) Chrissy reads a brochure, and Jo looks equally unimpressed. The audience is very amused.
Robin drops his towel and strikes a muscleman pose. Chrissy says it makes you want to kick sand in his face. Robin's suit is a bit lowcut, but maybe that was the style in the '70s, despite the modest things I'd see Archie and Reggie wear in the comic books.
Robin says, "I'm amazed at how you two girls can control that animal passion that must be seething inside you." Chrissy laughs.
He lies down on the floor. He says there are plenty of girls who'd melt at the sight of these rippling muscles. Chrissy asks who, which of course invokes the Lenny & Squiggy rule. Mrs. Roper comes in, returning sugar, but she gets very distracted by Robin. She tells him that he looks a little bit like Tarzan in the midst of all the plants.
He has Jo turn on the lamp. She asks if he wants to be rare, medium, or well done. Chrissy says that too much of it is bad for you, and asks Mrs. Roper to confirm this. Not thinking of sunlight, Mildred says, "I wouldn't know, Love."
Jo says if they had two lamps, Robin could do his back and front at the same time. With a slight American accent, Chrissy says, "That's the way they do Kentucky Fried Chicken." Laughing, Jo says he'd be finger lickin' good. Chrissy and Mildred laugh, too.
Mildred goes to get her lamp. Uh oh.
Dusty: She looks for the lamp downstairs. George returns from wherever he's been. She says her sister gave her the lamp because it was getting dusty. He asks if this is the one with the scratches off the back. When she says yes, he says he hasn't seen it.
He gets very defensive about her not trusting him. She tries to apologise, but he says he'll swear on the Bible. He mumbles though, so she says, "You don't fool God by mumbling, George."
She thinks the lamp has been stolen. Then she realises that Robin has a sunray lamp upstairs. She's shocked as it sinks in.
And we go to adverts.
There's not all that much more of the scene when we return. Mildred says she doesn't want to believe Mr. Tripp is a thief. And we go back up to the middle flat.
Rabbits: Robin wonders how his tan is coming along. Chrissy says if he were a sausage, she could stick a fork in him. (No, this doesn't count as RCST, sorry.)
He says it's boring laying here and he'd like her to make rabbits (shadow puppet rabbits) on his chest. When Jo comes in, Chrissy says, "He wants me to make rabbits on his chest!" Jo calls him a dirty devil, which is usually what people call George.
Jo says Robin has only been under the lamp for a few minutes. Chrissy says, "What do you expect, instant Harry Belafonte?"
Mildred returns and says she couldn't find her lamp. Chrissy says they'll make do with one and turn Robin round on a spit.
Mildred sees that this lamp has the same scratches as her lamp.
Robin asks Jo for something to protect his nose from peeling. She goes to get an empty corn flakes packet. (Do I have to add a "Corn Flakes" tag for these posts now?)
Robin: It's not that big!
Mildred: How long have you had it?
Robin: Ever since I was born.
Then he realises she means the lamp rather than his nose. He says he got it off Larry half an hour ago. She says, "Larry? Of course, I might've known."
Footprints: George is feeding the budgie, who doesn't get enough onscreen time to merit the "Roper's bird" tag. Mildred returns and says it's her lamp and now she knows who took it. George defensively says it's a lie. She says it was Mr. Simmonds upstairs.
George says she'll need proof, like footprints. She says she's accusing Larry of stealing the lamp, not dancing on it.
When they look out the window and see Larry coming back, George insists that it's a man's job confronting Larry. He greets Larry at the front door and yells at him so Mildred will think he's getting tough. He escorts Larry upstairs, yelling some more. She comes out of her flat and waits at the foot of the stairs.
When they get to Larry's flat, George tells him they're having nice weather for this time of year. There's a poster of a blonde girl behind them, naked to the waist. George yells that Larry can't let it happen again. Then he quietly says it was nice talking to Larry.
He goes back downstairs to his own flat. He tells Mildred that Larry broke down and confessed, in tears. She says Larry has got to go. George says they can't be too harsh. Larry is an orphan from a broken home. (It strikes me now that we don't know anything about Larry's family, unlike the rest of the people in the building. We even know more about Percy the barman.)
George: He hasn't had a lot of love.
Mildred: Neither have I, but I don't go around stealing lamps.
George says it's better to give than to receive. She points out that she didn't give the lamp, Larry nicked it.
George asks, "How do you think his poor old grey-haired mum and dad are gonna feel?" She says he just said they're dead. He says that doesn't mean they haven't got any feelings.
Mildred says she'll think it over, but right now she's going to get her lamp. He tells her that he'll get it and she can make a nice cuppa. He exits and she shakes her head.
Villa: Robin wears part of the corn flakes packet, saying "ORN," over his nose, held in place by his sunglasses. He checks on the time and then takes a break. He tells Chrissy that tomorrow he'll tan himself in a place he hasn't before. He points to a few feet over. She laughs.
She tells him the villa sleeps four and is overlooking the sea and sand. He says that's overlooking the price. She says they're splitting it so they each pay half. He says that's 200%.
Mr. Roper knocks and lets himself in. He says it's nice weather for this time of year. Chrissy says it's pouring down. He says it's nice inside.
He tells Robin, "I want to borrow your whatshisname for a bit, mainly to keep Mildred happy." The audience reacts to this innuendo. Chrissy says he'll never get it downstairs without taking the wheels off. Robin says he might bend the aerial a bit. Chrissy says then they'll never get any icecubes. George says he means the lamp.
Robin says he'll need it back later. George says that's all right because it'll have all blown over by then. He exits with the lamp.
He goes downstairs and calls to Mildred.
Sap: The lamp has been doing Chrissy's plants some good. Robin, now wearing a turtleneck but still his shorts, says, "And me." By spring he'll have blossoms under there, meaning his armpits.
As Jo enters in a black bikini, Robin says, "I can feel my sap-- rising." Chrissy, looking at the buds on the plant says, "Oh, I think one of them's starting to come out." Robin says yes.
Jo wants to sunbathe. Chrissy says Jo's suit doesn't leave much to the imagination. Jo says, "If you've got it, let the air get to it. Anyway, the one you bought shows even more." So Robin suggests that Chrissy sunbathe, too. Chrissy says she'd quite like to, if they had the lamp. Robin says he'll get the lamp.
Jo says if she keeps the top half on, she'll get white marks. Chrissy says she needs someone to rub her suntain oil in. Robin is getting nervously excited. He runs down to get the lamp. Chrissy says there was steam coming out of his ears.
"Why, Mr. Tripp?": Robin knocks but no one answers. He lets himself in and sees the lamp.
The Ropers go down the hallway, she with the tea tray. He suggests they forget the whole thing. She says young people these days seem to have no respect for other people's property.
Robin exits their flat, taking the lamp. She sadly asks, "Why, Mr. Tripp?" He says he wants it. She says it doesn't belong to Mr. Simmonds. He says it's his and goes upstairs with it.
Mildred: George!
George: Perhaps he's an orphan as well.
Wooly's: Robin plugs the lamp in again, but he's all thumbs. He strips off his turtleneck, and squeezes in between the two girls, who are sitting on the floor. Chrissy's blue bikini is actually less revealing than Jo's. He offers suntan lotion, but Chrissy says they already put it on.
Larry comes in and remarks on the "lovely pairs." Putting her sunglasses on, Chrissy says you can get 'em at Wooly's (I assume Woolworth's), for only one pound fifty.
Robin gets to his feet and says, "You've got a nose for this sort of thing," meaning finding girls in bikinis. He asks what Larry wants, but Larry has forgotten.
Larry: Can I stay and watch?
Robin: Be my guest.
Larry: You're a mate.
They shake hands and of course Robin gets suntan oil on Larry.
Mildred comes in and takes the lamp. She says, "I'm very sorry about your parents, Mr. Simmonds." Everyone is baffled. She says she can understand Larry stealing, but Robin? Larry says, "Hang on a bit," and he bought it off Mr. Roper for 5 quid. Robin says, "How much?"
Beeton and Beaten: In the last scene, George is sitting on the settee when Mildred comes home with the lamp. She says he swore on the Bible. He says it was actually Mrs. Beeton's World Cookery Book. The audience laughs a lot. (I suspect this is a made-up title, since the Victorian author is mainly known for her massively successful Mrs. Beeton's Book of Household Management.)
She thinks he needed the money for more of his mucky little magazines. He says it was the deposit for a holiday, a second honeymoon, and it was meant to be a surprise. He thought it would bring them together closer than they've been for some time. She's touched.
But the travel agency wasn't open and the betting shop was. He bet on a horse. The episode ends on her about to bean him with Mrs. Beaton.
Commentary: Lecherous as Jack and Amer-Larry are, they do live in a world where girls frequently wear bikinis, so I don't think that they'd be as stunned as Robin and Brit-Larry are. The Englishmen can hang porn on their walls, but presented with the sight of their two female friends more undressed than they've ever seen them, steam comes out of their ears. And it's not as if Chrissy and Jo have extraordinary figures. The girls are cute but I suspect you could find more amazing bodies in London.
Mildred shouldn't hit George with a heavy book, but it's understandable, more so than the fuss over the dance last episode. And I do have to wonder why George works in a betting shop (first mentioned many episodes ago), if he likes to bet. But then I never understood why Sam Malone was running Cheers if he was an alcoholic.
Other than that, not much to say. This is another of the episodes with nice writing (like the "selling Larry" bit) but not much plot. It's mainly notable for being the episode right before Robin's brother shows up and changes everything....
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
"The Generation Game"
Rooted as MatH35 is in the specific characters of the show, I can't see it being Americanized, unless with drastic changes. "The Generation Game" takes its title from a British gameshow that started in 1971 and has been revived a few times, apparently being referenced in the third Harry Potter movie. This MatH episode aired 10 March 1976.
Pluto: As the episode opens, Robin and Chrissy are returning from the cinema.
Robin: You know something? That's got to be one of the sexiest films I've ever seen. Yeah, I don't know how they got away with it. There were a couple moments there that were really getting me going.
Chrissy: And me. That moment where Pluto leapt onto Donald Duck's bed.
They go into the flat. He says that the cartoon was sexy, too, but he was thinking more of the main feature film. She says he told her the film was going to be cultural. He says it was. What that girl was doing to that fellow was symbolic.
Chrissy: (as they sit on the settee) Of what?
Robin: Why should I care? He didn't.
They laugh. Then, putting his arm around her, he says, "I don't suppose you feel a teeny bit symbolic, do you?"
Jo comes in with a half bottle of milk, a bowl, a spoon, and a box of Kellogg's Corn Flakes. Robin tells Chrissy to forget it, but he's not giving up of course.
Robin: If we didn't share a flat, I'd have come back to your place, or you'd have come back to mine.
Chrissy: Well, we've done that.
Robin: Yes, that is true.
Jo has poured herself a bowl of corn flakes. Robin suggests she go to bed. She says she's got a bowl of corn flakes. He says it's not the same. You can't snuggle up in a bowl of corn flakes. You'd get your pyjamas soggy.
Using a phrase she's used before, Jo says, "Look, I don't like playing gooseberry in the manger."
Robin: (to Chrissy) Well, who would?
Jo: So if you two are in the mood--
Chrissy: I'm not in the mood!
Robin: Think of Pluto, leaping onto Donald Duck's bed.
Jo tells them they'll have to wait till tomorrow night, when she's going out to a party. Chrissy says, "I might not still be in the mood." Robin says, "What do you mean still?" Chrissy laughs. Robin exclaims, "Jo, I can't wait!"
Jo tells him to not be so impatient. Chrissy, who's gotten up from the settee, says he's got to learn to hang his hat up first.
Robin: Oh, yeah, point taken. Tomorrow night it is, just the two of us. (As Chrissy leans forward, resting her elbows on the settee) I shall prepare a meal, with candlelight, wine, music. What more could a man ask?
Chrissy: Oh, you'll think of something.
Robin: Very true.
Chrissy: What makes you think tomorrow night's gonna be any different? We've been alone before.
Robin: Because you're starting to weaken. For instance, last night you nearly gve in. (He leers at her.)
Chrissy: I didn't! I was washing my hair! (She goes towards the kitchen.)
Robin: Not in my dream, you weren't.
From the kitchen doorframe, she gives him a look with a wide, surprised mouth, and then an "oh, you" look.
Kojak: In the downstairs bathroom, George wears a dark blue undershirt as he trims his nose hairs. Mildred comes in, wearing her pink dressing gown.
She makes him stand behind her so she can put pins in her hair. He thinks the nose hairs prove he has very virile nostrils. She suggests he pluck a few of them and plant them on his head. He says she's always making remarks about his forehead. She says she never mentions it, then tells him to move over because it's flashing in her eyes.
He says, "You seem to like baldness in other fellows. Like that man who goes around saying, 'Who loves you, Baby?' " She thinks he means the milkman, but he of course means Kojak. (Making the second of the show's Telly Savalas references.)
George: What's he got that I haven't got?
Mildred: A big lollipop.
This innuendo gets a lot of laughter from the audience.
She asks if he's coming to bed. He asks what for and she says to sleep. He says he doesn't mind that. She crosses her arms.
He looks at his watch and says it's a bit early. She says they'll be very late tomorrow. He remembers the "toffee-nosed knees-up." She calls it the Floral Society's Annual Dinner Dance. (I like that her interest in flowers has continued.) He imitates one of the guests, saying, "May I have the pleasure of a quick Twist, Lady Snootycock? Or perchance you prefer to wait for the Black Bottom." (1960s dance, 1920s dance, both very un-snooty.) This reminds her that he'll need to take a bath. (Like Chrissy washing her hair, apparently not a daily activity.)
George says he's not going. She says he'll enjoy it this time, implying that he went last time and didn't enjoy it. They'll be cruising down the Thames. He says it's against nature, dancing on a boat, an extreme way of putting it. They argue about whether he'll go, till she grabs his arm, making him squeeze the toothpaste tube he's holding, and the paste squirts out onto them.
Siege mentality: Chrissy is at the kitchen table reading the newspaper. Robin is standing, holding a book open.
Robin: Right. I shall breach your outer defences with a seductive seafood salad. I will then batter down your drawbridge with my Beef Wellington. And you will finally surrender to my apple dumplings.
Chrissy: (amused) Sounds like an orgy.
He tells her that this meal has been banned in 39 countries. She says he's cooked for her before and it never got him anywhere. He says that they've always had Blondie Bumstead around, which amuses me because I've recently read a collection of early Blondie, and B.B. definitely had Jo's Gracie-Allenness.
Robin says that tonight it'll just be the two of them. Chrissy says, "Hard luck, I'm on a man-free diet." (Her last boyfriend we saw was on MatH30, with the ground rules of bringing dates home.) Undeterred, Robin says he'll splash out (spend money on) a nice bottle of wine. Then afterwards, they'll have coffee and brandy. He laughs evilly.
Jo comes in and Robin asks if she's still going out tonight. When she says yes, he says, "That is a pity, because the mood I'm in, I think I could tackle both of you."
Chrissy: That's confidence for you.
Jo: Ah, there's many a man who has a two-car garage that only has a bicycle inside.
This deservedly gets a great deal of audience laughter. She says she read it on the back of a matchbox.
She asks if he's going to the shops. In a French accent, he says, "But of course I am. A master chef always gets his ingredients at the very last moment." She tells him not to forget the toilet rolls. Annoyed, he speaks Frenglish, ending in the word "bicycle." Then he exits.
Chrissy: (to Jo) He really fancies his chances.
Jo: So do I fancy his chances. After what you did in his dream last night.
Chrissy: His dreams have got nothing to do with me.
Jo: There's no smoke without fire.
Chrissy: Look, I can handle Robin, and his Beef Wellington. No problem. (pause) You're not gonna be out too late tonight, are you?
Sore toe: Downstairs later, George is reading the newspaper. Mildred comes in wearing a dress that has splashes of yellow, pink, red, and green, a bit like petals. She has a yellow corsage on her left shoulder. Again, she has dressed for a floral occasion.
She tells him they're leaving in less than two hours and she's run him a bath. He says he doesn't want to go and he has a sore toe. As she puts on earrings, looking into their very '70s butterfly-shaped mirror, she says that he had a headache last night, and there's something wrong with him at both ends. "And in between isn't functioning too well either."
She tells him that he should have a bath anyway, even if he's not going. Then he could put on a clean shirt and a suit, comb his hair. Even if he's not going, it'll make him feel better. He says, "Oh yeah? Then I might as well walk you down to the corner, even though I'm not going. Call you a taxi, even though I'm not going. You must think I'm daft. I'm not going."
Sitting on the arm of the settee and leaning over him, she says, "George, you are taking advantage of the fact that I'm a weak woman and easily dominated." He cowers and says he isn't. He just wants to stay home.
She gets up and says she'll get a man to take her, even if it is short notice. He says the man can have his bath. She glares at him.
Dumplings: Back in the upstairs kitchen, Robin is cutting apples and he says his apple dumplings will melt in Chrissy's mouth. She's watching warily from the doorframe. She says, "You won't get carried away tonight, will you?" He says there'll be a stretcher party standing by. She denies being worried.
He goes over to the oven and takes something out, preparing it, as she stands next to him. He says she's got willpower and self-control. She'll be able to resist his feeble blandishments. He continues, "Yes, I mean, just because I've wined you and dined you." He chuckles.
Robin: We'll all be alone. [sic] You, you won't worry, will you?
Chrissy: (quietly) No.
Robin: I don't believe it either. Hee hee!
He chucks under her chin and she tells him, "Oh, get off!"
She exits and we cut to Jo doing her makeup in the lounge mirror. She's wearing a black dress that shows off her arms and shoulders, possibly the stunning dress from "I Won't Dance." We see Chrissy appear in the background of the mirror, as she asks if there's room for another girl at the party. Jo says no, it would spoil the balance of three men to every girl. Chrissy admits that Robin's making her nervous. Jo tells her to lie back and think of England. This makes Chrissy even more worried.
Jo asks the time. Chrissy looks at her watch and says, "Quarter to sex. Er, six!"
Mrs. Roper lets herself in without knocking because she's returning Jo's perfume. She says it was wasted on George of course.
Jo: Oh, it was supposed to go on you.
Mildred: Yes, er, I did use it, Love.
Mildred says that George is being his usual self. Chrissy says this is pretty rotten of him. Mildred says George won't come to the dance. Jo says he let Mrs. Roper down at the last minute. "Oh, I'm used to that, Love."
Mildred says she was wondering what Mr. Tripp was up to. Jo, smiling, says he may have his hands full. Chrissy protests, "No, he won't!"
As Robin enters from the kitchen, Chrissy says he's free tonight. He says, "I may be free. I may make a small charge."
The girls explain why Mrs. Roper needs an escort tonight.
Robin: Oh, you know I'd love to but--
Chrissy: He'd love to.
Robin: Wait a minute. I said but.
He says he's pretty dratty (?) company. Jo says, "That is true."
Mildred: I won't be offended, Love, if you say no.
Robin: Oh, good. No.
Mildred: (offended) I see.
He tries to rephrase it better but can't.
She says she knows he doesn't want a boring evening with a middle-aged woman. He says, "You're very understanding." She says she'll leave "you young people." Chrissy tells Robin, "Well, congratulations. You really made her day." Then we hear the door slam.
Submarines: George is again reading the paper when Mildred returns. She yells, "Get dressed, you're coming!" He asks what happened to the hordes of fellows queuing up to take her out. She again orders him to get dressed.
George: (on his feet) I do not cave in to threats, Mildred.
Mildred: Oh, yes, you do. (pointing) Bathroom!
They go down the hallway to the bathroom. (I've never really talked about this much, but the layout is odd in that the Ropers have to leave their lounge to go to the bathroom and kitchen. The bedroom seems to be off of the lounge. I can only assume that this is because it's an old building and that's how things got divided when it was turned into flats.)
She tells him not to play submarines, since there isn't time. He locks himself into the bathroom and says he'll stay there till it's all over. She bangs on the door, telling him to come out.
And we go to the adverts.
Cinderella: When we return, Robin is opening a wine bottle in the lounge. Jo is filing her nails, while Chrissy sulks on the settee. Robin says, "Let's not spoil our evening, just because I've spoiled hers."
Chrissy: She's been looking forward to this riverboat thing for weeks.
Jo: Now she can't go. She'll be sitting down there.
Chrissy: By the fireside, crying.
Robin: Oh, don't forget the cinders and the pumpkin and the mice. I mean, why blame me? Why not blame old Roper?
Chrissy: (standing next to Robin with her hands on her hips) Because he's a mean, rotten, little swine and you're not.
Robin: And that's the full extent of my guilt?
Chrissy: Yes.
Robin: Right. Case dismissed.
Jo: (as Robin lights the candles) Listen, she's done us favours.
Chrissy: Many times.
Jo: At least you could do one for her.
Chrissy: It's not too much to ask.
Robin: What is this, stereophonic nagging?
He says he was in the middle of preparing a meal, looking forward to--
Chrissy: I know what you were looking forward to. I can do it myself.
Robin: (shaking his head) You can't, Chrissy, it's not the same.
Chrissy: I can finish cooking the meal, and I can save you some for supper.
As he fumblingly protests, the girls each blow out a candle. He says, "It's not fair."
Woodworm: Mildred is still standing outside the bathroom. She tells George that grown men do not lock themselves in the lavatory. Her tone moving from sweet to hostile, she tells him to be sensible and discuss this like reasonable people.
Inside the bathroom, he's throwing paper airplanes he made out of the toilet roll. He tells her it's no use looking at him like that. It doesn't work through two inches of chipboard.
As she threatens him, Robin comes along. Embarrassed, she says she was talking to the woodworm, the little devils.
He asks for a word with her, so she suggests they go in the lounge. She tells him, "After you," and then pats his bottom.
They go to the lounge and he tells her that he's been thinking over her kind offer, unless she's found someone else. She hasn't. He says that's a relief and he'll take her. "I mean, may I take you? I'd esteem it a great privilege."
She says, "Mr. Tripp, you're too kind." She says she couldn't accept, so he starts to leave. "But if you really want to go, I mustn't disappoint you." She tells him he'll need a tie and he can meet her downstairs in half an hour. Trying to sound convincing, he says, "I'm sure I'm really going to enjoy this." He exits. She looks pleased and relieved.
All's fair: Upstairs later, Chrissy polishes Robin's shoes. She tells him, "You'll probably enjoy it." He enters from his bedroom, in a suit and tie.
Robin: Like hell I will. I know why you're forcing me to go. It's because you were beginning to weaken.
Chrissy: (giggling) All's fair in lust and war.
Robin: What about my poor Beef Wellington?
She again says she'll save him some.
Chrissy: And I'll promise you something else. I'll sit at the table and think sexy thoughts about you.
Robin: What?
Chrissy: Well, it's not as safe when you're here.
She laughs.
Jo enters from the kitchen and says she lost an earring. Chrissy suggests she take the other one off and go with matching earlobes.
As Jo starts to leave, Chrissy has her take Robin with her, so he doesn't make a break for it. Chrissy blows Robin a kiss. He clenches his fist. Jo leads him out.
Through the keyhole: We return to George in the downstairs bathroom. Holding a toilet-paper airplane, he listens at the door. He says he knows she's still out there.
George: You don't frighten me by not threatening me.
Mildred: (offscreen) Yes, I'm here, George.
She startles him.
She's wearing a gold jacket over her dress. It looks like alligator skin. She says, "As far as I'm concerned, George, you can stay in there from Monday to Saturday, all year if you like. I'll shove your birthday cake through the keyhole." She takes a sip of champagne from a glass.
Jo and Robin come downstairs. She says, "Bye-bye. Enjoy yourself." He goes down the hallway towards the bathroom.
Mildred says, "I don't care if you ever come out. You can stay in there and rot!" She sees Robin and he says, "You're really giving those woodworm a hard time, aren't you?"
She hands him her glass, which he sets down. Then he gives her his arm.
Robin: Er, goodnight, Mr. Roper.
George: Who's that?
He thinks Mildred is still out there, but she doesn't answer.
Riverboat: A boat is at the dock. A plump doorman with a moustache and white uniform takes Robin and Mildred's tickets, tearing them in half. In the background, swingin' jazzy music plays, like something from Benny Hill or a mid-1960s teen movie.
Restraint: George emerges from the bathroom and calls to Mildred. He tells her he expects her to behave with restraint. He edges down the hallway. He tells her to not muck about. He checks the lounge, but it's empty.
Shrapnel: In the upstairs kitchen, Chrissy wears a non-naughty apron as she takes the plate of Beef Wellington out of the oven and sets it on the counter.
George comes in, looking for Mildred. Chrissy says Mrs. Roper has gone to the dinner dance with Robin. George is amused that she took the young fellow and thinks she must've twisted his arm. He says, "I got out of it, you know." Chrissy, who's wrapping the Beef Wellington in something yellow (dough?), says, "If I may so, it was reprehensible." George sincerely says, "Oh, thank you very much," clearly not understanding.
He says he can't dance because of his leg. "I've had it since the war." She asks how long he's had the other one. He says the leg has a piece of Jerry shrapnel. A yard nearer his heart and he'd have been dead. She says, "Yeah, you have mentioned it."
He says that during the war, night after night they took everything the Jerry bombers threw at them: two ounces of cheese and a little bit of bacon.
Talking of food, Mildred didn't leave him any supper. He asks about what Chrissy's making, and she says it's Beef Wellington. When he hears she's on her own, he says it's quite a lot for one.
Chrissy: (as she puts it back in the oven) Are you hinting, Mr. Roper?
George: What?
Chrissy: You want to share this?
George: Oh, that's very kind of you. Thank you, I accept.
He says he'll go tidy up a bit. "If Mildred can go out with a young fellow, what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander." He gives her a huge wink and exits. She's wide-eyed with shock.
Mazurka: We cut, not to a goose, but a swan, possibly the one from the credits, although that's a daytime shot. Then we pan to the boat.
Robin, Mildred, and the other passengers applaud at the end of a musical number. Robin apologises for kicking her knee but he didn't know the steps of the dance. She says it was the Palais Glide. ( http://www.kickery.com/2010/04/palais-glide.html )
Mildred: Perhaps later we might have a Mazurka.
Robin: Oh, good, I'm starving.
(Even though it's a dinner dance, they never actually eat, so I hope George doesn't gobble up all the Beef Wellington.)
They go to a table and sit down. She drinks while he glances at his watch.
Mildred: I hope you're not feeling out of it, Dear.
Robin: Oh, no, I feel right in it.
Robin says he's the youngest one here and he hopes she doesn't mind. She says she does have a reputation to think of, and this isn't doing it a bit of harm. She says there are terrible gossips in the group, especially the one over there in the blue dress. "Mind you, I can't stand gossip myself. Especially when it comes from someone who's no better than she ought to be. I mean, after all, I don't take an hour and a half to get my meter read."
He starts to smoke but she takes his cigarette when the Quick Step starts. She tells him that it's more his generation than the other dance.
Scaffolding: Chrissy smiles as she brings two bowls over to the table in the lounge. George arrives in a suit and tie.
He brought "a flower for a flower." It's a red rose, plastic so it'll last longer. He got it free with a packet of slug pellets. She's amused but polite.
He lights the candles and says, "We more mature men think of these niceties." She offers him carrots, but they give him wind.
George: The more mature man isn't so impetuous.
Chrissy: You hang your hat up first.
George: (touching his head) What hat?
She calls him a masher (decades-old term for a man who makes unwanted advances towards a woman). He admits it and then wonders where she heard the word. She says her granddad used to say it.
George says, "The more mature man can sometimes be attractive to the younger woman, wouldn't you say so?" She shakes her head.
She offers him beans but they give him the gallops.
He says that Mildred and the young fellow is the same difference really. Chrissy rises to Mildred's defence, saying she's looked after herself and is still a very attractive woman. He says, "Well, so am I. Man I mean." He says that given Mildred didn't have much to start with, she's kept it going, done a good job of scaffolding.
Chrissy: A lot of men would find her very attractive.
George: A lot of men need glasses.
He thinks Robin went to the dance out of pity, but Chrissy denies it. He says Robin can't fancy Mildred. Chrissy says he underestimates his wife.
George: Does he fancy her?
Chrissy: (amused) I didn't say that.
George: Come to think of it, I've seen him eying her on the stairway. And now they're out together. I've heard of these shipboard romances. Middle-aged women and the giggle-os.
He says it'll be a shove in a doorway and a quick snog.
Chrissy: He wouldn't do that!
George: I'm talking about her.
He says Mildred is very impetuous and Robin wouldn't be too choosy in the dark.
Getting to his feet, he says, "I see what she was up to now, locking me in the loo!" He throws down his serviette and exclaims, "Corblimey!"
Shoulders: We get to see a bit of Robin and Mildred dancing together. They clap as the tune ends. She says she really felt as if she was floating. He points out that this is a boat.
They sit down again.
Mildred: Oh! I feel like a 20-year-old girl.
Robin: (muttering) So do I.
He says it's warm in here. Putting her hand on his knee, she suggests a stroll on the deck. So he says it's not that warm, although he fans himself with a serviette. She removes her hand and looks disappointed.
A taxi pulls up. George gets out and tells the cabbie to wait there. The doorman stops him. George says, "Evening, Captain," and salutes.
The doorman asks for his ticket. George says he left it in his other suit. The doorman says, "Got another suit, have we? And we wear that one? Go on." George runs across the bridge and onto the boat. The doorman is played by Mike Savage, one of the dustmen on "How Does Your Garden Grow."
Mildred says that the terrible thing about George is he never pays her those little compliments. Taking the hint, Robin says that's a very pretty dress. She says that some people consider her shoulders her best features. Pointing at the one nearest him, the left one, he says, "Especially that one." Nothing against the other, but if it came to a crunch, that would definitely be the one for him. She looks flattered, but he looks uncomfortable.
George comes over and asks, "What have you two been up to, eh?" He tells Mildred she's coming home with him, and he pulls her arm. She stands and then Robin does, too. Robin says George is making a scene.
George tries to fight Robin. Robin asks what he's done. George says, "They all seem the same to you in the dark." He tries to get Robin to put up his fists, too, so Robin starts to take off his jacket. Then George hides behind Mildred, so Robin puts his jacket back on.
George insists on going home. He hands Mildred her coat but dashes out. Robin drapes the coat over her and gets her purse. Mildred tells George he's being childish.
He's so upset, he accidentally falls off the boat. Mildred and Robin remind us that George can't swim.
Robin hands Mildred her purse and starts to take his jacket off again. Mildred says, "No, that is your new suit." She hands Robin the life preserver, telling him to sling it to George. Robin does so. And the episode ends.
I must note that Jo's keychain in the credits has a picture of David Bowie, so either they changed it or I was hallucinating when I first saw it.
Commentary:
Jessica Tate: Mickey Mouse's dog was gay???...
Jodie Dallas: Yeah, Goofy was his lover.
(My favorite quote from Soap, airing a year or two after MatH35.)
"I felt so symbolic yesterday."
(My favorite ridiculous quote from the Counting Crows' "Mr. Jones.")
OK, now that I've got those quotes out of my system, let's talk about the RCST. We haven't had much of it lately, but here we have Robin deliberately taking Chrissy to a movie that he finds sexy. She fends him off with banter, and yet the way she teases him about maybe not being still in the mood tomorrow is double-edged. If she genuinely isn't interested in him, then she's being either outright cruel or just playful. But she should also realise that she is leading him on by the way she teases. She could give him a flat "no now and forever," and he'd probably back off. But she doesn't, and never has.
Because the truth is, Chrissy is tempted, as she was on the "mouse" episode. I don't think she's been "weakening" lately, any more than she was during that episode, or the parallel-universe movie. And she pretty much admits that, besides wanting to help Mrs. Roper, she's sending Robin out in order to be "safe" to think sexy thoughts about him.
And it is seen as "weakening," giving in, surrendering. That's how Robin talks, like he's laying siege to her. Yes, it's definitely more seduction than attempted rape, but it's certainly never "Hey, Robin, you turn me on, too, and I think it's time." That would be out of character for Chrissy, and perhaps out-of-decade, although we are deeper into the 1970s and even-nice-girls-doing. Robin is aiming more for an "OK, you win."
We again get a sense of Jo as Robin's second choice, when he says he could "tackle" both girls tonight. And as always, Jo thinks Chrissy and Robin will get together eventually. But "Lie back and think of England" suggests Jo thinks Chrissy won't enjoy Robin deflowering her.
There's again a hint of female masturbation, when Robin tells Chrissy it's not the same doing it herself, although I'm not clear if sometimes innocent Chrissy picks up on it.
As I've said, it's hard to feel too sorry for George when he's being rotten to the kids (or cheating on Mildred), but honestly, it's just a dance. If he doesn't want to go, he shouldn't have to. Yes, it's a shame that Mildred married a man who isn't as fun-loving as she is, but either divorce him, find a platonic friend (other than Robin) to go dancing with (as Peg Bundy did on Married with Children IIRC), or find an activity that she can enjoy with her husband. (Without getting him drunk I mean.) I don't like how she intimidates him on this episode, dominating him while pretending to be the weak little woman.
As for Robin, he has a point that he's even less obligated to go than Mr. Roper is. However, he could've let Mrs. Roper down more gently, or heck, told her the truth, that he was cooking a special dinner that night. (He wouldn't have to say it was for Chrissy.) Or he could've reminded her of what we learned on "I Won't Dance," that he's not a very good dancer.
Besides, knowing how fond Chrissy is of Mrs. Roper, does he really expect to successfully seduce Chrissy when he's disappointing her friend? Why not sacrifice the evening in making Mrs. Roper happy, win some points, and then spend a different evening with Chrissy? They live together. It's not like there won't be other opportunities.
I'm not sure if it's a cultural or a generational difference, but it is weird how Mildred can pat Robin's bum yet still call him Mr. Tripp. The episode makes clear that young people wouldn't find middle-aged people attractive, or at least Robin and Chrissy wouldn't be attracted to the Ropers. I don't think that would play the same in the age of the MILF and the cougar, not to mention 65-year-old Alan Rickman being a sex symbol, but 35 years ago the generation gap was like a chasm. Not that people didn't have partners of different generations-- that's always existed-- but it seems to have been a bigger deal then than now. Remember, in The Graduate (1967), the age difference between Mrs. Robinson and Benjamin was 15 years. (And it was only 6 years between Anne Bancroft and Dustin Hoffman. By the way, Normal Fell has a cameo in that movie, as a landlord.)
And finally, it's a riverboat cruise, but they stay docked the entire time?
Pluto: As the episode opens, Robin and Chrissy are returning from the cinema.
Robin: You know something? That's got to be one of the sexiest films I've ever seen. Yeah, I don't know how they got away with it. There were a couple moments there that were really getting me going.
Chrissy: And me. That moment where Pluto leapt onto Donald Duck's bed.
They go into the flat. He says that the cartoon was sexy, too, but he was thinking more of the main feature film. She says he told her the film was going to be cultural. He says it was. What that girl was doing to that fellow was symbolic.
Chrissy: (as they sit on the settee) Of what?
Robin: Why should I care? He didn't.
They laugh. Then, putting his arm around her, he says, "I don't suppose you feel a teeny bit symbolic, do you?"
Jo comes in with a half bottle of milk, a bowl, a spoon, and a box of Kellogg's Corn Flakes. Robin tells Chrissy to forget it, but he's not giving up of course.
Robin: If we didn't share a flat, I'd have come back to your place, or you'd have come back to mine.
Chrissy: Well, we've done that.
Robin: Yes, that is true.
Jo has poured herself a bowl of corn flakes. Robin suggests she go to bed. She says she's got a bowl of corn flakes. He says it's not the same. You can't snuggle up in a bowl of corn flakes. You'd get your pyjamas soggy.
Using a phrase she's used before, Jo says, "Look, I don't like playing gooseberry in the manger."
Robin: (to Chrissy) Well, who would?
Jo: So if you two are in the mood--
Chrissy: I'm not in the mood!
Robin: Think of Pluto, leaping onto Donald Duck's bed.
Jo tells them they'll have to wait till tomorrow night, when she's going out to a party. Chrissy says, "I might not still be in the mood." Robin says, "What do you mean still?" Chrissy laughs. Robin exclaims, "Jo, I can't wait!"
Jo tells him to not be so impatient. Chrissy, who's gotten up from the settee, says he's got to learn to hang his hat up first.
Robin: Oh, yeah, point taken. Tomorrow night it is, just the two of us. (As Chrissy leans forward, resting her elbows on the settee) I shall prepare a meal, with candlelight, wine, music. What more could a man ask?
Chrissy: Oh, you'll think of something.
Robin: Very true.
Chrissy: What makes you think tomorrow night's gonna be any different? We've been alone before.
Robin: Because you're starting to weaken. For instance, last night you nearly gve in. (He leers at her.)
Chrissy: I didn't! I was washing my hair! (She goes towards the kitchen.)
Robin: Not in my dream, you weren't.
From the kitchen doorframe, she gives him a look with a wide, surprised mouth, and then an "oh, you" look.
Kojak: In the downstairs bathroom, George wears a dark blue undershirt as he trims his nose hairs. Mildred comes in, wearing her pink dressing gown.
She makes him stand behind her so she can put pins in her hair. He thinks the nose hairs prove he has very virile nostrils. She suggests he pluck a few of them and plant them on his head. He says she's always making remarks about his forehead. She says she never mentions it, then tells him to move over because it's flashing in her eyes.
He says, "You seem to like baldness in other fellows. Like that man who goes around saying, 'Who loves you, Baby?' " She thinks he means the milkman, but he of course means Kojak. (Making the second of the show's Telly Savalas references.)
George: What's he got that I haven't got?
Mildred: A big lollipop.
This innuendo gets a lot of laughter from the audience.
She asks if he's coming to bed. He asks what for and she says to sleep. He says he doesn't mind that. She crosses her arms.
He looks at his watch and says it's a bit early. She says they'll be very late tomorrow. He remembers the "toffee-nosed knees-up." She calls it the Floral Society's Annual Dinner Dance. (I like that her interest in flowers has continued.) He imitates one of the guests, saying, "May I have the pleasure of a quick Twist, Lady Snootycock? Or perchance you prefer to wait for the Black Bottom." (1960s dance, 1920s dance, both very un-snooty.) This reminds her that he'll need to take a bath. (Like Chrissy washing her hair, apparently not a daily activity.)
George says he's not going. She says he'll enjoy it this time, implying that he went last time and didn't enjoy it. They'll be cruising down the Thames. He says it's against nature, dancing on a boat, an extreme way of putting it. They argue about whether he'll go, till she grabs his arm, making him squeeze the toothpaste tube he's holding, and the paste squirts out onto them.
Siege mentality: Chrissy is at the kitchen table reading the newspaper. Robin is standing, holding a book open.
Robin: Right. I shall breach your outer defences with a seductive seafood salad. I will then batter down your drawbridge with my Beef Wellington. And you will finally surrender to my apple dumplings.
Chrissy: (amused) Sounds like an orgy.
He tells her that this meal has been banned in 39 countries. She says he's cooked for her before and it never got him anywhere. He says that they've always had Blondie Bumstead around, which amuses me because I've recently read a collection of early Blondie, and B.B. definitely had Jo's Gracie-Allenness.
Robin says that tonight it'll just be the two of them. Chrissy says, "Hard luck, I'm on a man-free diet." (Her last boyfriend we saw was on MatH30, with the ground rules of bringing dates home.) Undeterred, Robin says he'll splash out (spend money on) a nice bottle of wine. Then afterwards, they'll have coffee and brandy. He laughs evilly.
Jo comes in and Robin asks if she's still going out tonight. When she says yes, he says, "That is a pity, because the mood I'm in, I think I could tackle both of you."
Chrissy: That's confidence for you.
Jo: Ah, there's many a man who has a two-car garage that only has a bicycle inside.
This deservedly gets a great deal of audience laughter. She says she read it on the back of a matchbox.
She asks if he's going to the shops. In a French accent, he says, "But of course I am. A master chef always gets his ingredients at the very last moment." She tells him not to forget the toilet rolls. Annoyed, he speaks Frenglish, ending in the word "bicycle." Then he exits.
Chrissy: (to Jo) He really fancies his chances.
Jo: So do I fancy his chances. After what you did in his dream last night.
Chrissy: His dreams have got nothing to do with me.
Jo: There's no smoke without fire.
Chrissy: Look, I can handle Robin, and his Beef Wellington. No problem. (pause) You're not gonna be out too late tonight, are you?
Sore toe: Downstairs later, George is reading the newspaper. Mildred comes in wearing a dress that has splashes of yellow, pink, red, and green, a bit like petals. She has a yellow corsage on her left shoulder. Again, she has dressed for a floral occasion.
She tells him they're leaving in less than two hours and she's run him a bath. He says he doesn't want to go and he has a sore toe. As she puts on earrings, looking into their very '70s butterfly-shaped mirror, she says that he had a headache last night, and there's something wrong with him at both ends. "And in between isn't functioning too well either."
She tells him that he should have a bath anyway, even if he's not going. Then he could put on a clean shirt and a suit, comb his hair. Even if he's not going, it'll make him feel better. He says, "Oh yeah? Then I might as well walk you down to the corner, even though I'm not going. Call you a taxi, even though I'm not going. You must think I'm daft. I'm not going."
Sitting on the arm of the settee and leaning over him, she says, "George, you are taking advantage of the fact that I'm a weak woman and easily dominated." He cowers and says he isn't. He just wants to stay home.
She gets up and says she'll get a man to take her, even if it is short notice. He says the man can have his bath. She glares at him.
Dumplings: Back in the upstairs kitchen, Robin is cutting apples and he says his apple dumplings will melt in Chrissy's mouth. She's watching warily from the doorframe. She says, "You won't get carried away tonight, will you?" He says there'll be a stretcher party standing by. She denies being worried.
He goes over to the oven and takes something out, preparing it, as she stands next to him. He says she's got willpower and self-control. She'll be able to resist his feeble blandishments. He continues, "Yes, I mean, just because I've wined you and dined you." He chuckles.
Robin: We'll all be alone. [sic] You, you won't worry, will you?
Chrissy: (quietly) No.
Robin: I don't believe it either. Hee hee!
He chucks under her chin and she tells him, "Oh, get off!"
She exits and we cut to Jo doing her makeup in the lounge mirror. She's wearing a black dress that shows off her arms and shoulders, possibly the stunning dress from "I Won't Dance." We see Chrissy appear in the background of the mirror, as she asks if there's room for another girl at the party. Jo says no, it would spoil the balance of three men to every girl. Chrissy admits that Robin's making her nervous. Jo tells her to lie back and think of England. This makes Chrissy even more worried.
Jo asks the time. Chrissy looks at her watch and says, "Quarter to sex. Er, six!"
Mrs. Roper lets herself in without knocking because she's returning Jo's perfume. She says it was wasted on George of course.
Jo: Oh, it was supposed to go on you.
Mildred: Yes, er, I did use it, Love.
Mildred says that George is being his usual self. Chrissy says this is pretty rotten of him. Mildred says George won't come to the dance. Jo says he let Mrs. Roper down at the last minute. "Oh, I'm used to that, Love."
Mildred says she was wondering what Mr. Tripp was up to. Jo, smiling, says he may have his hands full. Chrissy protests, "No, he won't!"
As Robin enters from the kitchen, Chrissy says he's free tonight. He says, "I may be free. I may make a small charge."
The girls explain why Mrs. Roper needs an escort tonight.
Robin: Oh, you know I'd love to but--
Chrissy: He'd love to.
Robin: Wait a minute. I said but.
He says he's pretty dratty (?) company. Jo says, "That is true."
Mildred: I won't be offended, Love, if you say no.
Robin: Oh, good. No.
Mildred: (offended) I see.
He tries to rephrase it better but can't.
She says she knows he doesn't want a boring evening with a middle-aged woman. He says, "You're very understanding." She says she'll leave "you young people." Chrissy tells Robin, "Well, congratulations. You really made her day." Then we hear the door slam.
Submarines: George is again reading the paper when Mildred returns. She yells, "Get dressed, you're coming!" He asks what happened to the hordes of fellows queuing up to take her out. She again orders him to get dressed.
George: (on his feet) I do not cave in to threats, Mildred.
Mildred: Oh, yes, you do. (pointing) Bathroom!
They go down the hallway to the bathroom. (I've never really talked about this much, but the layout is odd in that the Ropers have to leave their lounge to go to the bathroom and kitchen. The bedroom seems to be off of the lounge. I can only assume that this is because it's an old building and that's how things got divided when it was turned into flats.)
She tells him not to play submarines, since there isn't time. He locks himself into the bathroom and says he'll stay there till it's all over. She bangs on the door, telling him to come out.
And we go to the adverts.
Cinderella: When we return, Robin is opening a wine bottle in the lounge. Jo is filing her nails, while Chrissy sulks on the settee. Robin says, "Let's not spoil our evening, just because I've spoiled hers."
Chrissy: She's been looking forward to this riverboat thing for weeks.
Jo: Now she can't go. She'll be sitting down there.
Chrissy: By the fireside, crying.
Robin: Oh, don't forget the cinders and the pumpkin and the mice. I mean, why blame me? Why not blame old Roper?
Chrissy: (standing next to Robin with her hands on her hips) Because he's a mean, rotten, little swine and you're not.
Robin: And that's the full extent of my guilt?
Chrissy: Yes.
Robin: Right. Case dismissed.
Jo: (as Robin lights the candles) Listen, she's done us favours.
Chrissy: Many times.
Jo: At least you could do one for her.
Chrissy: It's not too much to ask.
Robin: What is this, stereophonic nagging?
He says he was in the middle of preparing a meal, looking forward to--
Chrissy: I know what you were looking forward to. I can do it myself.
Robin: (shaking his head) You can't, Chrissy, it's not the same.
Chrissy: I can finish cooking the meal, and I can save you some for supper.
As he fumblingly protests, the girls each blow out a candle. He says, "It's not fair."
Woodworm: Mildred is still standing outside the bathroom. She tells George that grown men do not lock themselves in the lavatory. Her tone moving from sweet to hostile, she tells him to be sensible and discuss this like reasonable people.
Inside the bathroom, he's throwing paper airplanes he made out of the toilet roll. He tells her it's no use looking at him like that. It doesn't work through two inches of chipboard.
As she threatens him, Robin comes along. Embarrassed, she says she was talking to the woodworm, the little devils.
He asks for a word with her, so she suggests they go in the lounge. She tells him, "After you," and then pats his bottom.
They go to the lounge and he tells her that he's been thinking over her kind offer, unless she's found someone else. She hasn't. He says that's a relief and he'll take her. "I mean, may I take you? I'd esteem it a great privilege."
She says, "Mr. Tripp, you're too kind." She says she couldn't accept, so he starts to leave. "But if you really want to go, I mustn't disappoint you." She tells him he'll need a tie and he can meet her downstairs in half an hour. Trying to sound convincing, he says, "I'm sure I'm really going to enjoy this." He exits. She looks pleased and relieved.
All's fair: Upstairs later, Chrissy polishes Robin's shoes. She tells him, "You'll probably enjoy it." He enters from his bedroom, in a suit and tie.
Robin: Like hell I will. I know why you're forcing me to go. It's because you were beginning to weaken.
Chrissy: (giggling) All's fair in lust and war.
Robin: What about my poor Beef Wellington?
She again says she'll save him some.
Chrissy: And I'll promise you something else. I'll sit at the table and think sexy thoughts about you.
Robin: What?
Chrissy: Well, it's not as safe when you're here.
She laughs.
Jo enters from the kitchen and says she lost an earring. Chrissy suggests she take the other one off and go with matching earlobes.
As Jo starts to leave, Chrissy has her take Robin with her, so he doesn't make a break for it. Chrissy blows Robin a kiss. He clenches his fist. Jo leads him out.
Through the keyhole: We return to George in the downstairs bathroom. Holding a toilet-paper airplane, he listens at the door. He says he knows she's still out there.
George: You don't frighten me by not threatening me.
Mildred: (offscreen) Yes, I'm here, George.
She startles him.
She's wearing a gold jacket over her dress. It looks like alligator skin. She says, "As far as I'm concerned, George, you can stay in there from Monday to Saturday, all year if you like. I'll shove your birthday cake through the keyhole." She takes a sip of champagne from a glass.
Jo and Robin come downstairs. She says, "Bye-bye. Enjoy yourself." He goes down the hallway towards the bathroom.
Mildred says, "I don't care if you ever come out. You can stay in there and rot!" She sees Robin and he says, "You're really giving those woodworm a hard time, aren't you?"
She hands him her glass, which he sets down. Then he gives her his arm.
Robin: Er, goodnight, Mr. Roper.
George: Who's that?
He thinks Mildred is still out there, but she doesn't answer.
Riverboat: A boat is at the dock. A plump doorman with a moustache and white uniform takes Robin and Mildred's tickets, tearing them in half. In the background, swingin' jazzy music plays, like something from Benny Hill or a mid-1960s teen movie.
Restraint: George emerges from the bathroom and calls to Mildred. He tells her he expects her to behave with restraint. He edges down the hallway. He tells her to not muck about. He checks the lounge, but it's empty.
Shrapnel: In the upstairs kitchen, Chrissy wears a non-naughty apron as she takes the plate of Beef Wellington out of the oven and sets it on the counter.
George comes in, looking for Mildred. Chrissy says Mrs. Roper has gone to the dinner dance with Robin. George is amused that she took the young fellow and thinks she must've twisted his arm. He says, "I got out of it, you know." Chrissy, who's wrapping the Beef Wellington in something yellow (dough?), says, "If I may so, it was reprehensible." George sincerely says, "Oh, thank you very much," clearly not understanding.
He says he can't dance because of his leg. "I've had it since the war." She asks how long he's had the other one. He says the leg has a piece of Jerry shrapnel. A yard nearer his heart and he'd have been dead. She says, "Yeah, you have mentioned it."
He says that during the war, night after night they took everything the Jerry bombers threw at them: two ounces of cheese and a little bit of bacon.
Talking of food, Mildred didn't leave him any supper. He asks about what Chrissy's making, and she says it's Beef Wellington. When he hears she's on her own, he says it's quite a lot for one.
Chrissy: (as she puts it back in the oven) Are you hinting, Mr. Roper?
George: What?
Chrissy: You want to share this?
George: Oh, that's very kind of you. Thank you, I accept.
He says he'll go tidy up a bit. "If Mildred can go out with a young fellow, what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander." He gives her a huge wink and exits. She's wide-eyed with shock.
Mazurka: We cut, not to a goose, but a swan, possibly the one from the credits, although that's a daytime shot. Then we pan to the boat.
Robin, Mildred, and the other passengers applaud at the end of a musical number. Robin apologises for kicking her knee but he didn't know the steps of the dance. She says it was the Palais Glide. ( http://www.kickery.com/2010/04/palais-glide.html )
Mildred: Perhaps later we might have a Mazurka.
Robin: Oh, good, I'm starving.
(Even though it's a dinner dance, they never actually eat, so I hope George doesn't gobble up all the Beef Wellington.)
They go to a table and sit down. She drinks while he glances at his watch.
Mildred: I hope you're not feeling out of it, Dear.
Robin: Oh, no, I feel right in it.
Robin says he's the youngest one here and he hopes she doesn't mind. She says she does have a reputation to think of, and this isn't doing it a bit of harm. She says there are terrible gossips in the group, especially the one over there in the blue dress. "Mind you, I can't stand gossip myself. Especially when it comes from someone who's no better than she ought to be. I mean, after all, I don't take an hour and a half to get my meter read."
He starts to smoke but she takes his cigarette when the Quick Step starts. She tells him that it's more his generation than the other dance.
Scaffolding: Chrissy smiles as she brings two bowls over to the table in the lounge. George arrives in a suit and tie.
He brought "a flower for a flower." It's a red rose, plastic so it'll last longer. He got it free with a packet of slug pellets. She's amused but polite.
He lights the candles and says, "We more mature men think of these niceties." She offers him carrots, but they give him wind.
George: The more mature man isn't so impetuous.
Chrissy: You hang your hat up first.
George: (touching his head) What hat?
She calls him a masher (decades-old term for a man who makes unwanted advances towards a woman). He admits it and then wonders where she heard the word. She says her granddad used to say it.
George says, "The more mature man can sometimes be attractive to the younger woman, wouldn't you say so?" She shakes her head.
She offers him beans but they give him the gallops.
He says that Mildred and the young fellow is the same difference really. Chrissy rises to Mildred's defence, saying she's looked after herself and is still a very attractive woman. He says, "Well, so am I. Man I mean." He says that given Mildred didn't have much to start with, she's kept it going, done a good job of scaffolding.
Chrissy: A lot of men would find her very attractive.
George: A lot of men need glasses.
He thinks Robin went to the dance out of pity, but Chrissy denies it. He says Robin can't fancy Mildred. Chrissy says he underestimates his wife.
George: Does he fancy her?
Chrissy: (amused) I didn't say that.
George: Come to think of it, I've seen him eying her on the stairway. And now they're out together. I've heard of these shipboard romances. Middle-aged women and the giggle-os.
He says it'll be a shove in a doorway and a quick snog.
Chrissy: He wouldn't do that!
George: I'm talking about her.
He says Mildred is very impetuous and Robin wouldn't be too choosy in the dark.
Getting to his feet, he says, "I see what she was up to now, locking me in the loo!" He throws down his serviette and exclaims, "Corblimey!"
Shoulders: We get to see a bit of Robin and Mildred dancing together. They clap as the tune ends. She says she really felt as if she was floating. He points out that this is a boat.
They sit down again.
Mildred: Oh! I feel like a 20-year-old girl.
Robin: (muttering) So do I.
He says it's warm in here. Putting her hand on his knee, she suggests a stroll on the deck. So he says it's not that warm, although he fans himself with a serviette. She removes her hand and looks disappointed.
A taxi pulls up. George gets out and tells the cabbie to wait there. The doorman stops him. George says, "Evening, Captain," and salutes.
The doorman asks for his ticket. George says he left it in his other suit. The doorman says, "Got another suit, have we? And we wear that one? Go on." George runs across the bridge and onto the boat. The doorman is played by Mike Savage, one of the dustmen on "How Does Your Garden Grow."
Mildred says that the terrible thing about George is he never pays her those little compliments. Taking the hint, Robin says that's a very pretty dress. She says that some people consider her shoulders her best features. Pointing at the one nearest him, the left one, he says, "Especially that one." Nothing against the other, but if it came to a crunch, that would definitely be the one for him. She looks flattered, but he looks uncomfortable.
George comes over and asks, "What have you two been up to, eh?" He tells Mildred she's coming home with him, and he pulls her arm. She stands and then Robin does, too. Robin says George is making a scene.
George tries to fight Robin. Robin asks what he's done. George says, "They all seem the same to you in the dark." He tries to get Robin to put up his fists, too, so Robin starts to take off his jacket. Then George hides behind Mildred, so Robin puts his jacket back on.
George insists on going home. He hands Mildred her coat but dashes out. Robin drapes the coat over her and gets her purse. Mildred tells George he's being childish.
He's so upset, he accidentally falls off the boat. Mildred and Robin remind us that George can't swim.
Robin hands Mildred her purse and starts to take his jacket off again. Mildred says, "No, that is your new suit." She hands Robin the life preserver, telling him to sling it to George. Robin does so. And the episode ends.
I must note that Jo's keychain in the credits has a picture of David Bowie, so either they changed it or I was hallucinating when I first saw it.
Commentary:
Jessica Tate: Mickey Mouse's dog was gay???...
Jodie Dallas: Yeah, Goofy was his lover.
(My favorite quote from Soap, airing a year or two after MatH35.)
"I felt so symbolic yesterday."
(My favorite ridiculous quote from the Counting Crows' "Mr. Jones.")
OK, now that I've got those quotes out of my system, let's talk about the RCST. We haven't had much of it lately, but here we have Robin deliberately taking Chrissy to a movie that he finds sexy. She fends him off with banter, and yet the way she teases him about maybe not being still in the mood tomorrow is double-edged. If she genuinely isn't interested in him, then she's being either outright cruel or just playful. But she should also realise that she is leading him on by the way she teases. She could give him a flat "no now and forever," and he'd probably back off. But she doesn't, and never has.
Because the truth is, Chrissy is tempted, as she was on the "mouse" episode. I don't think she's been "weakening" lately, any more than she was during that episode, or the parallel-universe movie. And she pretty much admits that, besides wanting to help Mrs. Roper, she's sending Robin out in order to be "safe" to think sexy thoughts about him.
And it is seen as "weakening," giving in, surrendering. That's how Robin talks, like he's laying siege to her. Yes, it's definitely more seduction than attempted rape, but it's certainly never "Hey, Robin, you turn me on, too, and I think it's time." That would be out of character for Chrissy, and perhaps out-of-decade, although we are deeper into the 1970s and even-nice-girls-doing. Robin is aiming more for an "OK, you win."
We again get a sense of Jo as Robin's second choice, when he says he could "tackle" both girls tonight. And as always, Jo thinks Chrissy and Robin will get together eventually. But "Lie back and think of England" suggests Jo thinks Chrissy won't enjoy Robin deflowering her.
There's again a hint of female masturbation, when Robin tells Chrissy it's not the same doing it herself, although I'm not clear if sometimes innocent Chrissy picks up on it.
As I've said, it's hard to feel too sorry for George when he's being rotten to the kids (or cheating on Mildred), but honestly, it's just a dance. If he doesn't want to go, he shouldn't have to. Yes, it's a shame that Mildred married a man who isn't as fun-loving as she is, but either divorce him, find a platonic friend (other than Robin) to go dancing with (as Peg Bundy did on Married with Children IIRC), or find an activity that she can enjoy with her husband. (Without getting him drunk I mean.) I don't like how she intimidates him on this episode, dominating him while pretending to be the weak little woman.
As for Robin, he has a point that he's even less obligated to go than Mr. Roper is. However, he could've let Mrs. Roper down more gently, or heck, told her the truth, that he was cooking a special dinner that night. (He wouldn't have to say it was for Chrissy.) Or he could've reminded her of what we learned on "I Won't Dance," that he's not a very good dancer.
Besides, knowing how fond Chrissy is of Mrs. Roper, does he really expect to successfully seduce Chrissy when he's disappointing her friend? Why not sacrifice the evening in making Mrs. Roper happy, win some points, and then spend a different evening with Chrissy? They live together. It's not like there won't be other opportunities.
I'm not sure if it's a cultural or a generational difference, but it is weird how Mildred can pat Robin's bum yet still call him Mr. Tripp. The episode makes clear that young people wouldn't find middle-aged people attractive, or at least Robin and Chrissy wouldn't be attracted to the Ropers. I don't think that would play the same in the age of the MILF and the cougar, not to mention 65-year-old Alan Rickman being a sex symbol, but 35 years ago the generation gap was like a chasm. Not that people didn't have partners of different generations-- that's always existed-- but it seems to have been a bigger deal then than now. Remember, in The Graduate (1967), the age difference between Mrs. Robinson and Benjamin was 15 years. (And it was only 6 years between Anne Bancroft and Dustin Hoffman. By the way, Normal Fell has a cameo in that movie, as a landlord.)
And finally, it's a riverboat cruise, but they stay docked the entire time?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)