"Home & Away"

I thought that the title of this episode, which aired on 6 March 1975, was a reference to the Aussie soap, but that apparently didn't start till '87.  It could be a reference to a 1956 British drama about an ordinary working-class man who wins the football pools.  Robin is not that lucky.

Credits:  The opening credits are mostly new.  We again get a close-up of Big Ben and then a cut to Robin driving an old-fashioned car.  But this time when they pull up to the zoo, we see a meter maid.  She shakes her head because Robin has squeezed the car into a space that a very small car is using. 

The trio stroll around the zoo, and we see the elephant and monkey again, but without any comparisons to the trio yet.  There's also a bear.

This time when the trio go to the zoo cafe, Robin eats a burger, and we cut to a tiger eating raw meat.  Chrissy eating a sandwich becomes a giraffe.  And when Jo tosses a grape into her mouth, the shot switches to a seal catching a fish.

Two tickets:  In the first scene, the girls are reading in the kitchen, Jo the newspaper and Chrissy a book called Indoor Plants.  Robin is offscreen, singing a song I don't recognise.  Chrissy is annoyed, so Jo suggests she stuff cotton wool in her ears.  Chrissy says she'd rather stuff Robin's mouth with cotton wool.

Chrissy says Robin has just run through the Top 20 of 1930.  (This confirms my theory that the show likes to make references to older music more than current.)  Jo says, "Imagine what the Bottom 20 must be like."  When Chrissy says Robin is driving her crazy, Jo correctly predicts that Robin will turn this into a song.  (I remember a similar joke on 3'sC, but I can't place it at the moment.)

When Chrissy goes to an area off to the side of the kitchen (upstage right), Jo tells Robin that Chrissy doesn't like the sound of his voice.  He says, "How do you think I feel?  I was stuck in there with it."

He's very cheerful, and the audience starts laughing as he talks.  When he says that all the women will be at his feet today, saying, "Take me, take me!", Jo says, "You'll be ready for them."  It turns out he has his zipper down.

Jo has made toast, and even that makes Robin happy.  He's got two tickets for the Southampton match.  They're playing Arsenal, whom Chrissy likes.

Jo says it's a really silly game.  Robin says to "just imagine being chased by eleven butch men...All trying to dispossess you and then scoring."  Giggling, Jo says, "They'd have to catch me first.

Cobblers:  Out on the never-before-seen balcony, Chrissy is talking to the plants, which explains her reading choice in the kitchen.  It gives her something in common with Janet, although she's a secretary rather than a florist.  When Robin goes out there and takes the mickey out of her, she says that science has proven that plants respond to the sound of the human voice.  So he takes a plant out of its pot and speaks into it with a radio voice, as if it's a mic.

The ivy plant isn't doing as well.  Robin says that the cat next door has been performing the rather unfeline act of cocking its leg on it.

He invites Chrissy to the match.  She doesn't like the way he swears when the other side scores.  He says that science has proven that Southampton players respond to the sound of the human voice.  He also says something about kicking them in the cobblers and running for it.  Since "cobblers" comes from Cockney rhyming slang for "balls" (from "cobbler's awl"), she says this is what she means about his swearing.

She agrees to go to the match since Arsenal are playing.  When she asks why he's inviting her, he says he was thinking they could stay the night.  She says they'll catch the return train.  Or better yet, they can borrow Roper's car.

Wig:  Downstairs at the Ropers', they talk about televison.  They have a black & white set.  Mildred's sister has had a colour set for six years.  It has a 26" screen.  Her sister can change channels without moving from her armchair.  Goerge says so can he, by getting Mildred to do it.  (Television remotes actually date back to 1950, but they were still very primitive in the mid '70s.)

The postman comes at 10.  While George is getting the post, Mildred tells the budgie that George still owes the postman and several others their Christmas boxes.  She calls George a "mingy little toad," which is possibly worse than Robin calling him "a mingy little ferret."

George has ordered a hairpiece.  She wants him to try it on.  He makes her promise not to laugh, but she can't help it.

Scrounger:  Larry drops by the trio's flat, calling himself their friendly neighbourhood scrounger.  He goes in before Jo greets him.  Robin says he's always on the borrow.  Larry says he gave them something last week.  Chrissy says it was the flu.

He asks Robin if he's decided on the hotel.  Chrissy tells him that they're not staying overnight.  "If he gave you that impression...."  Larry says, "Nah, nah, no, nothing like that.  Should be a good match, he said, changing the subject quickly."

12 pound 50:  While George is out of the room, putting on the wig, Mildred reads the information that came with it.  She says he can swim in it.  "That'll be interesting.  You couldn't swim before."  (As we learned on the previous epiosde.)

George enters in a wavy wig roughly the colour of his own red hair.  Mildred stares.  The audience is delighted.  He says it cost 12 pound 50, including tax.  She thinks he tacked it on, but he means VAT  (Value Added Tax).

She finds the wig very weird.  She says, "You've got more now than when I first met you."  (And that would've been at least 30 years ago, since they met during the war.)  He says this is "the real me, younger."  She says he's got a little old face peeking out from a young head.  He thinks being bald has held him back.

Someone knocks.  He hides behind the newspaper as she lets in Chrissy, who asks to borrow the car.  Mildred says OK and asks George what he thinks, taking away his paper.  Chrissy tries not to react to the wig.

He says Southampton is a long way to drive.  She says it's a good match.  He touches his head, thinking she means the wig.  Probably to get rid of her, he agrees to loan the car.  She says they should be back tonight, and she leaves.  He tells Mildred that he doesn't think Chrissy even noticed.

Short and curly:  When Chrissy returns to the flat, Robin tells her that Larry has gone upstairs to get his Arsenal scarf.  "You'll need it to hang yourself when we thrash the living daylights out of you."

She tells him and Jo about the wig.  They're very amused.  Robin says perhaps it's a transplant.  Chrissy asks, "Where from?   He didn't have a lot to begin with."  Robin says it could be lots of places, and asks if it was short and curly.  Chrissy doesn't seem to understand.

Jo says maybe Mr. Roper has let his sideboards (sideburns) grow and knotted them all together on top.

Mr. Roper knocks and lets himself in.  He hands over the carkeys.  Robin and Jo try not to stare at his wig.  Mr. Roper asks if they've noticed anything different about him.  They all protest no, then Chrissy asks if he's got a new cardigan.

Larry comes in and stares, exclaiming, "Gorblimey!"  Then he pretends he's talking about the wallpaper. 

Robin and Chrissy excuse themselves since they don't want to be late for the match.  Mr. Roper says it wasn't easy to put on properly.  He had to use strip paste and fill the cracks in with poly filler.  Larry says, "Oh, the wallpaper, yeah."

Jo, as direct as ever, says, "Mr. Roper, I must ask you, is that a toupee?"  When he admits it, she says, "Oh, I'd never have known."  He's flattered and then confused.

Young:  Downstairs later, George is reluctant to go to the pub because he feels shy about his wig.  And he doesn't understand why Mildred wanted the kids to borrow the car.  She says that they're young and they want to get out and enjoy themselves.

So we switch to an exterior of Chrissy steering the car as Robin pushes it.  Then we cut between them and eight bikers, till the bikers catch up with them, driving on either side and yelling incoherent but probably rude things.  After they drive on, Robin flips them off British style.  And we cut to an advert.

AA:  When we return, Robin is looking under the bonnet (hood) of the car.  Chrissy is eating something from a sack, probably a snack they brought to eat at the match.  She says the problem could be the fanbelt, since she at least knows where that is.

He says that if the car were a horse, he'd shoot it.  She pours him something out of the thermos.  She says they might be stuck here all night.  He smiles.

They're right by a phone box, so she wants him to call the AA, not Alcoholics Anonymous but the British equivalent of Triple A.  He says he's not a member.  She says he could offer to join.  He says it costs five quid, and the car isn't worth that.

He wants to hitch to Southampton.  She worries people will pinch (steal) parts of the abandoned car.  She suggests they phone Roper.  Robin would rather find a small hotel and stay the night.  She says, "You never give up, do you?"  So he'll call Roper, but he'll be at the pub this time of day.

Hair:  In the pub, Larry is talking about the Southampton team.  He says that the back four expose themselves, leave themselves wide open, vulnerable to sudden attack.  Jo takes this suggestively and says, "They would be."

The nameless barman is played by John Carlin, formerly Larry's prissy landlord.  He's almost unrecognisable in this costume and with different mannerisms.  He'll go on to five more episodes in that role, mostly in this fourth series.  Here, he asks something about who on the Arsenal forward side can take advantage.  Jo tells Larry, "Don't answer that because it's libelous."

We switch over to a table where the Ropers are sitting.  He's wearing a tam o'shanter over his wig.  Mildred takes off the hat.  She wants a gin and tonic, so he goes over to the bar and orders a small one.  She changes it to large.

Jo, in whispers, compliments Mr. Roper's wig.  He feels self-conscious and wants her to change the subject.  So she asks the Ropers if they're going to the Litle Theatre next week.  Mrs. Roper asks what's on.  Jo says, "Oh, it's that," and points to the poster for the Kensington Players' production of Hair.  She covers her laughter with her hand, and Larry and Mildred try not to laugh.

Wigan:  The barman answers the phone, and we get reconfirmation that this is the White Swan.  (I don't know why they stopped going to the Mucky Duck.)  We cut back and forth between the pub and the stranded couple.  Robin asks to speak to George Roper, describing him as a little ratty fellow, of 4'3".  Chrissy adds that Mr. Roper is wearing a wig.  The barman calls for a George Wigan.

Robin repeats Mr. Roper's name and describes the wig as a "ridiculous curly ginger thing.  Oh, hello, Mr. Roper."  He tells Mr. Roper that the car made a terrible noise.  Chrissy imitates it and Robin imitates her.  They decide to let him listen to the noise himself.  In the funniest line of the episode, George tells Mildred, "They've got the car in the phone box with 'em."

Robin starts the car and Chrissy holds out the phone.  After listening, Mr. Roper says it's difficult to say.  The operator asks for 2p, which Robin and Chrissy don't have.  George tells them it's probably the carburetor and they'll have to strip it down, but they've already been disconnected.

As George is turning, a man named Mike spills four beers on his head.  Mike is played by Michael Redfern, the bigger removal man on the previous episode, as well as Tom from "Match of the Day."  He'd go on to play a policeman on both Robin's Nest and George & Mildred, as well as The Young Ones and several other programmes.  Here, he and George yell at each other, ending with him saying, "Keep your hair on!"

Scarves:  It's now gotten dark and Chrissy is complaining.  She says they could be there all night.  He says, "Not both of us, 'cause I'm gonna strangle you." 

When he wants her to start the car, she thinks it won't work.
Robin:  You've got no faith in me, have you?
Chrissy:  How can I put it?  No.

When it doesn't work, she says he's not a mechanic, he's a cookery student, and he could probably casserole the carburetor beautifully. 

The bikers return.  They hope that the bikers didn't see Robin give them the V sign.  He tells her to keep her sense of humour, and if that fails?
Chrissy:  Kick them in the--
Robin:  Yes.

Robin sees the bikers' Arsenal scarves, like Chrissy is wearing, so he takes her Arsenal rosette.

The leader asks if they passed the couple five hours ago.  Robin denies it.  Chrissy says they were on their way to the match.  The leader says they missed a great match, four-nil.  Robin says, "Good team, Arsenal."

Chrissy says she thought he was a Southampton fan.  The leader finds Robin's Southampton scarf, but he says it's not his.  He borrowed it from a friend, his Kung Fu teacher.

Another biker looks under the bonnet and says the fanbelt is slipping.  His name is Sid and he'll mend their car.  They need a temporary fanbelt, so Robin offers the Southampton scarf.

These two bikers with lines are played by Hilary Minster and Drew Wood.  The former actor also played a motorcyclist on The Long Chase, but he wasn't typecast, since he also appeared on Dr. Who and a 1977 miniseries of Anna Karenina, as well as 59 appearances as General Erich von Klinkerhoffen in 'Allo, Allo!  Drew Wood had much fewer credits, ranging from '67 to '77, the last as a motorcyclist, and he, too, appeared on Dr. Who.  

Two of the nicest:  In the next scene, the Ropers are in their bedclothes.  His wig shrunk.  She says he shouldn't have dried it in the oven.  She suggests he give it to the budgie as a nest.

Robin and Chrissy knock, then let themselves in.  They return the keys and say that they were rescued by Mad Mick and Sid the Scratcher, two of the nicest Hell's Angels you could ever hope to meet.  Robin says they had the tights off Chrissy.  She says that was to use as a fanbelt.

Before they leave, Chrissy tells Mr. Roper, "Oh, er, I think it looks really nice."  Mildred is amused since George is no longer wearing the wig.

Quirk:  The funniest part of the episode is only three seconds long and was probably not as funny before the days when viewers could freeze-frame.  Larry and Jo are playing Scrabble and the scene opens with a shot of the board upside-down.

The across words:
"orifice," "quirk," "anal," "who," "pubic," "smear," "ire," "teat," "rig," and "toss." 

Reading down we get:
 "dun," "okapi," "fellate," "ethyl," "pist" [sic], "breast," "cervix," "eo," "tit," and "ego." 

Even if you want to assume that Jo is playing the less dirty words (with E-O tying in with "ethyl," since it could stand for "Ethelyne Oxide"), that still means only about eight words out of twenty.  What makes it even funnier is none of the characters comments on this, like they just take it for granted.  And the audience doesn't even react, like they did to Robin's zipper.

When Robin and Chrissy come in, Larry and Jo tell them about the match.  Larry and Jo watched it on the telly because it was on Match of the Day.

Commentary:  It's surprising that Robin and Chrissy borrow Roper's car, knowing how crappy it is.  Perhaps subconsciously Chrissy hoped it would break down, although she still doesn't want to go to a hotel with Robin.  And it's funny that they're going to Southampton and it doesn't occur to them to phone his parents to ask to stay with them.  I do like that Robin's fanship for the Southampton team has stayed consistent since the first episode.

As for the subplot, I never really thought of George as bald, since he's less balding than Stanley Roper.  On the other hand, I can't imagine Stanley buying a wig, since he's not insecure about his looks.  (Janet is the one who buys a wig on 3'sC, but to try being a blonde.)  Still, the subplot could've been more easily Americanized than the main plot, since none of the girls would've gone to see a game alone with Jack.  (Not to mention that 3'sC, like most American sitcoms of its time, just didn't use exterior shots.)

One thing we learn in this episode is that Jo is not as innocent as she seems.  Not only does she start thinking of football in sexual terms, but she's perfectly happy to play dirty-word Scrabble alone in the flat with Larry.  Again, I wonder if the show was setting up Jo & Larry as a potential secondary couple, or if it just made sense to have them hang out together when Robin & Chrissy are off doing things.

Another notable aspect of this episode is that the tenants and landlords are getting less formal with each other, letting themselves into each other's flats more, as if they're all one big household.