This plot, which centres around tanning, absolutely could not have been transferred over to the Santa Monica trio. It aired on 17 March 1976 and is set during the rainy months of England, which admittedly doesn't narrow it down much. The title comes from the previous year's Oscar-winning movie with Walter Matthau and George Burns.
It's just a jump to the left: The episode opens with a close-up of the Ropers' wireless. A band called Pelvic Thrust plays until the d.j. goes into his patter. He says you're tuned in, turned on, and being tantalised by Ricky Bird, your OK d.j. When he says, "Right on," George says, "Right off," and turns the wireless off.
Mildred enters from the bedroom and turns the wireless back on because she wants to know the time. He turns the wireless off again and says he prefers some World War Two announcer, whom he imitates. He tells Mildred it's ten o'clock.
She asks for his wages. He says he didn't do his full three days at the betting shop. And when she takes the envelope, she knows there's a pound missing because there's always a pound missing.
He says he's saving up, but he won't tell her for what.
George: Isn't a man entitled to a bit of privacy?
Mildred: Not when he's married.
Torremolinos: Meanwhile, Robin and Chrissy are looking at travel brochures on their settee. He wants to go skiing, but she wants to go to the beach. She thinks he'll hurt himself skiing, but he says, "I've learned to fall without hurting myself. It comes from years of drinking."
Jo enters from the kitchen and suggests they compromise by going to a very steep beach.
Larry knocks and enters. Robin has invited him along, to the girls' displeasure. He admits that Larry is the last person you'd want to share a holiday with. Larry says it's nice to feel wanted. Robin says it'll be cheaper with a fourth person.
Chrissy says they're going to Torremolinos. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Torremolinos ) Larry agrees to that, so Jo tells Robin it's three to one and he's outvoted.
After the girls exit for the kitchen, Robin calls Larry a berk. He tells Larry there's plenty of talent in San Moritz. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Moritz ) Larry says to think of all those zips (on the ski clothes). He prefers all that crumpet on the beach. Robin says there will also be local bronzed studs, and Robin will look like a whitewashed milk bottle in comparison. He says that the last time he went to the beach, three people went down with snow blindness.
After Larry leaves, Robin lifts his shirt and looks at his stomach in the mirror. Then he shrieks in horror.
Sunray: We see Larry going downstairs, whistling. Mr. Roper comes out of his flat and invites him in.
George: I'll come straight to the point, Robin.
Larry: Larry.
(Well, at least he's trying.)
He tells Larry he needs some money because he's saving up.
George: I decided to sell something and thought of you.
Larry: You can't sell me.
George says there must be something Larry is short of. Yeah, there is: money.
George offers him the wireless, but Larry already has one. The sewing machine? Larry doesn't do a lot of sewing. George says he could take it up, while listening to the wireless.
George offers him a "reading lamp," but Larry recognises it as a sunray lamp. George says it'll make Larry brown, with ultraviolent [sic] rays.
Larry: How much?
George: Oh, very brown.
When he realises Larry means the cost, he says 5 quid.
1830: This segues to Larry telling Robin the lamp would cost him 10 quid. Larry's flat contains Robin's disturbing poster with a headless woman's body hanging on a hanger, like a coat, from the first series.
Robin asks where Larry got the lamp. He says it's a family heirloom, from 1830. Robin points out that they didn't have electricity then. Larry says that's why it's in such good "nick," meaning condition in this instance, although "nick" will have a different meaning later.
Larry says that after a couple weeks of using the lamp, Robin will be golden brown all over, like a crisp with legs. Robin asks if Larry could just lend it, but Larry says no.
Robin is tempted, since he'll be all brown and sexy.
Larry: Oh, stop it. I'm beginning to fancy you.
Robin: So will all the girls.
Larry asks for his 12 quid, and someone in the audience reacts. Robin also catches the price being jacked up, so Larry apologises and goes back to 10 quid. He's still making a 100% profit of course, off his best friend.
Nice: On the middle floor, the girls are looking at the brochures. Jo says they don't have to go to Spain. They could go to France or Italy.
Chrissy: Pisa's nice but Nice is nicer.
Jo: Say that again.
Chrissy: I don't think I could.
They laugh.
Robin comes back with the lamp. He gives them fair warning that he's going to strip off.
Chrissy: Where did you get that?
Robin: No, you're supposed to say that after I've taken them [clothes] off.
Chrissy of course means the lamp.
After Robin says he got it from Larry, Chrissy says it's stolen property.
Robin: You're very hard on Larry. He's got this framed certificate on his wall, commending him for all the good work he's done for charity.
Jo: He has?
Robin: Yeah, he nicked it from a junk shop.
Robin laughs.
Chrissy wants to use the lamp on her house plants. Robin sarcastically says she should get the frozen joint out of the fridge and thaw it out on his stomach. She says that's a good idea. He says, "Bloody hell!"
Clock: Downstairs, George counts his 5 quid. He starts to head out as Mildred comes home. She asks, "George, why is it when I come in, you always go out? We're like that little man and woman in the weather clock."
She stops him from leaving and tells him to go back in their flat. She says she's been thinking and she was a bit harsh, not letting him have the money. She asks if he's saving up for something in the area of jewelry, or something chocolaty, or flower-like. He says no to all of this. She snaps, "Then you're not having it, you selfish little devil!"
Tarzan: The girls bring some plants through the kitchen and into the lounge.
Jo: Do you think they need to know it's not the real sun?
Chrissy: Well, I won't tell them if you won't.
Robin enters from his bedroom. With a colourful towel wrapped around him, he prances while singing the inevitable stripper tune. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-9F_HWel5g ) Chrissy reads a brochure, and Jo looks equally unimpressed. The audience is very amused.
Robin drops his towel and strikes a muscleman pose. Chrissy says it makes you want to kick sand in his face. Robin's suit is a bit lowcut, but maybe that was the style in the '70s, despite the modest things I'd see Archie and Reggie wear in the comic books.
Robin says, "I'm amazed at how you two girls can control that animal passion that must be seething inside you." Chrissy laughs.
He lies down on the floor. He says there are plenty of girls who'd melt at the sight of these rippling muscles. Chrissy asks who, which of course invokes the Lenny & Squiggy rule. Mrs. Roper comes in, returning sugar, but she gets very distracted by Robin. She tells him that he looks a little bit like Tarzan in the midst of all the plants.
He has Jo turn on the lamp. She asks if he wants to be rare, medium, or well done. Chrissy says that too much of it is bad for you, and asks Mrs. Roper to confirm this. Not thinking of sunlight, Mildred says, "I wouldn't know, Love."
Jo says if they had two lamps, Robin could do his back and front at the same time. With a slight American accent, Chrissy says, "That's the way they do Kentucky Fried Chicken." Laughing, Jo says he'd be finger lickin' good. Chrissy and Mildred laugh, too.
Mildred goes to get her lamp. Uh oh.
Dusty: She looks for the lamp downstairs. George returns from wherever he's been. She says her sister gave her the lamp because it was getting dusty. He asks if this is the one with the scratches off the back. When she says yes, he says he hasn't seen it.
He gets very defensive about her not trusting him. She tries to apologise, but he says he'll swear on the Bible. He mumbles though, so she says, "You don't fool God by mumbling, George."
She thinks the lamp has been stolen. Then she realises that Robin has a sunray lamp upstairs. She's shocked as it sinks in.
And we go to adverts.
There's not all that much more of the scene when we return. Mildred says she doesn't want to believe Mr. Tripp is a thief. And we go back up to the middle flat.
Rabbits: Robin wonders how his tan is coming along. Chrissy says if he were a sausage, she could stick a fork in him. (No, this doesn't count as RCST, sorry.)
He says it's boring laying here and he'd like her to make rabbits (shadow puppet rabbits) on his chest. When Jo comes in, Chrissy says, "He wants me to make rabbits on his chest!" Jo calls him a dirty devil, which is usually what people call George.
Jo says Robin has only been under the lamp for a few minutes. Chrissy says, "What do you expect, instant Harry Belafonte?"
Mildred returns and says she couldn't find her lamp. Chrissy says they'll make do with one and turn Robin round on a spit.
Mildred sees that this lamp has the same scratches as her lamp.
Robin asks Jo for something to protect his nose from peeling. She goes to get an empty corn flakes packet. (Do I have to add a "Corn Flakes" tag for these posts now?)
Robin: It's not that big!
Mildred: How long have you had it?
Robin: Ever since I was born.
Then he realises she means the lamp rather than his nose. He says he got it off Larry half an hour ago. She says, "Larry? Of course, I might've known."
Footprints: George is feeding the budgie, who doesn't get enough onscreen time to merit the "Roper's bird" tag. Mildred returns and says it's her lamp and now she knows who took it. George defensively says it's a lie. She says it was Mr. Simmonds upstairs.
George says she'll need proof, like footprints. She says she's accusing Larry of stealing the lamp, not dancing on it.
When they look out the window and see Larry coming back, George insists that it's a man's job confronting Larry. He greets Larry at the front door and yells at him so Mildred will think he's getting tough. He escorts Larry upstairs, yelling some more. She comes out of her flat and waits at the foot of the stairs.
When they get to Larry's flat, George tells him they're having nice weather for this time of year. There's a poster of a blonde girl behind them, naked to the waist. George yells that Larry can't let it happen again. Then he quietly says it was nice talking to Larry.
He goes back downstairs to his own flat. He tells Mildred that Larry broke down and confessed, in tears. She says Larry has got to go. George says they can't be too harsh. Larry is an orphan from a broken home. (It strikes me now that we don't know anything about Larry's family, unlike the rest of the people in the building. We even know more about Percy the barman.)
George: He hasn't had a lot of love.
Mildred: Neither have I, but I don't go around stealing lamps.
George says it's better to give than to receive. She points out that she didn't give the lamp, Larry nicked it.
George asks, "How do you think his poor old grey-haired mum and dad are gonna feel?" She says he just said they're dead. He says that doesn't mean they haven't got any feelings.
Mildred says she'll think it over, but right now she's going to get her lamp. He tells her that he'll get it and she can make a nice cuppa. He exits and she shakes her head.
Villa: Robin wears part of the corn flakes packet, saying "ORN," over his nose, held in place by his sunglasses. He checks on the time and then takes a break. He tells Chrissy that tomorrow he'll tan himself in a place he hasn't before. He points to a few feet over. She laughs.
She tells him the villa sleeps four and is overlooking the sea and sand. He says that's overlooking the price. She says they're splitting it so they each pay half. He says that's 200%.
Mr. Roper knocks and lets himself in. He says it's nice weather for this time of year. Chrissy says it's pouring down. He says it's nice inside.
He tells Robin, "I want to borrow your whatshisname for a bit, mainly to keep Mildred happy." The audience reacts to this innuendo. Chrissy says he'll never get it downstairs without taking the wheels off. Robin says he might bend the aerial a bit. Chrissy says then they'll never get any icecubes. George says he means the lamp.
Robin says he'll need it back later. George says that's all right because it'll have all blown over by then. He exits with the lamp.
He goes downstairs and calls to Mildred.
Sap: The lamp has been doing Chrissy's plants some good. Robin, now wearing a turtleneck but still his shorts, says, "And me." By spring he'll have blossoms under there, meaning his armpits.
As Jo enters in a black bikini, Robin says, "I can feel my sap-- rising." Chrissy, looking at the buds on the plant says, "Oh, I think one of them's starting to come out." Robin says yes.
Jo wants to sunbathe. Chrissy says Jo's suit doesn't leave much to the imagination. Jo says, "If you've got it, let the air get to it. Anyway, the one you bought shows even more." So Robin suggests that Chrissy sunbathe, too. Chrissy says she'd quite like to, if they had the lamp. Robin says he'll get the lamp.
Jo says if she keeps the top half on, she'll get white marks. Chrissy says she needs someone to rub her suntain oil in. Robin is getting nervously excited. He runs down to get the lamp. Chrissy says there was steam coming out of his ears.
"Why, Mr. Tripp?": Robin knocks but no one answers. He lets himself in and sees the lamp.
The Ropers go down the hallway, she with the tea tray. He suggests they forget the whole thing. She says young people these days seem to have no respect for other people's property.
Robin exits their flat, taking the lamp. She sadly asks, "Why, Mr. Tripp?" He says he wants it. She says it doesn't belong to Mr. Simmonds. He says it's his and goes upstairs with it.
Mildred: George!
George: Perhaps he's an orphan as well.
Wooly's: Robin plugs the lamp in again, but he's all thumbs. He strips off his turtleneck, and squeezes in between the two girls, who are sitting on the floor. Chrissy's blue bikini is actually less revealing than Jo's. He offers suntan lotion, but Chrissy says they already put it on.
Larry comes in and remarks on the "lovely pairs." Putting her sunglasses on, Chrissy says you can get 'em at Wooly's (I assume Woolworth's), for only one pound fifty.
Robin gets to his feet and says, "You've got a nose for this sort of thing," meaning finding girls in bikinis. He asks what Larry wants, but Larry has forgotten.
Larry: Can I stay and watch?
Robin: Be my guest.
Larry: You're a mate.
They shake hands and of course Robin gets suntan oil on Larry.
Mildred comes in and takes the lamp. She says, "I'm very sorry about your parents, Mr. Simmonds." Everyone is baffled. She says she can understand Larry stealing, but Robin? Larry says, "Hang on a bit," and he bought it off Mr. Roper for 5 quid. Robin says, "How much?"
Beeton and Beaten: In the last scene, George is sitting on the settee when Mildred comes home with the lamp. She says he swore on the Bible. He says it was actually Mrs. Beeton's World Cookery Book. The audience laughs a lot. (I suspect this is a made-up title, since the Victorian author is mainly known for her massively successful Mrs. Beeton's Book of Household Management.)
She thinks he needed the money for more of his mucky little magazines. He says it was the deposit for a holiday, a second honeymoon, and it was meant to be a surprise. He thought it would bring them together closer than they've been for some time. She's touched.
But the travel agency wasn't open and the betting shop was. He bet on a horse. The episode ends on her about to bean him with Mrs. Beaton.
Commentary: Lecherous as Jack and Amer-Larry are, they do live in a world where girls frequently wear bikinis, so I don't think that they'd be as stunned as Robin and Brit-Larry are. The Englishmen can hang porn on their walls, but presented with the sight of their two female friends more undressed than they've ever seen them, steam comes out of their ears. And it's not as if Chrissy and Jo have extraordinary figures. The girls are cute but I suspect you could find more amazing bodies in London.
Mildred shouldn't hit George with a heavy book, but it's understandable, more so than the fuss over the dance last episode. And I do have to wonder why George works in a betting shop (first mentioned many episodes ago), if he likes to bet. But then I never understood why Sam Malone was running Cheers if he was an alcoholic.
Other than that, not much to say. This is another of the episodes with nice writing (like the "selling Larry" bit) but not much plot. It's mainly notable for being the episode right before Robin's brother shows up and changes everything....
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
"The Generation Game"
Rooted as MatH35 is in the specific characters of the show, I can't see it being Americanized, unless with drastic changes. "The Generation Game" takes its title from a British gameshow that started in 1971 and has been revived a few times, apparently being referenced in the third Harry Potter movie. This MatH episode aired 10 March 1976.
Pluto: As the episode opens, Robin and Chrissy are returning from the cinema.
Robin: You know something? That's got to be one of the sexiest films I've ever seen. Yeah, I don't know how they got away with it. There were a couple moments there that were really getting me going.
Chrissy: And me. That moment where Pluto leapt onto Donald Duck's bed.
They go into the flat. He says that the cartoon was sexy, too, but he was thinking more of the main feature film. She says he told her the film was going to be cultural. He says it was. What that girl was doing to that fellow was symbolic.
Chrissy: (as they sit on the settee) Of what?
Robin: Why should I care? He didn't.
They laugh. Then, putting his arm around her, he says, "I don't suppose you feel a teeny bit symbolic, do you?"
Jo comes in with a half bottle of milk, a bowl, a spoon, and a box of Kellogg's Corn Flakes. Robin tells Chrissy to forget it, but he's not giving up of course.
Robin: If we didn't share a flat, I'd have come back to your place, or you'd have come back to mine.
Chrissy: Well, we've done that.
Robin: Yes, that is true.
Jo has poured herself a bowl of corn flakes. Robin suggests she go to bed. She says she's got a bowl of corn flakes. He says it's not the same. You can't snuggle up in a bowl of corn flakes. You'd get your pyjamas soggy.
Using a phrase she's used before, Jo says, "Look, I don't like playing gooseberry in the manger."
Robin: (to Chrissy) Well, who would?
Jo: So if you two are in the mood--
Chrissy: I'm not in the mood!
Robin: Think of Pluto, leaping onto Donald Duck's bed.
Jo tells them they'll have to wait till tomorrow night, when she's going out to a party. Chrissy says, "I might not still be in the mood." Robin says, "What do you mean still?" Chrissy laughs. Robin exclaims, "Jo, I can't wait!"
Jo tells him to not be so impatient. Chrissy, who's gotten up from the settee, says he's got to learn to hang his hat up first.
Robin: Oh, yeah, point taken. Tomorrow night it is, just the two of us. (As Chrissy leans forward, resting her elbows on the settee) I shall prepare a meal, with candlelight, wine, music. What more could a man ask?
Chrissy: Oh, you'll think of something.
Robin: Very true.
Chrissy: What makes you think tomorrow night's gonna be any different? We've been alone before.
Robin: Because you're starting to weaken. For instance, last night you nearly gve in. (He leers at her.)
Chrissy: I didn't! I was washing my hair! (She goes towards the kitchen.)
Robin: Not in my dream, you weren't.
From the kitchen doorframe, she gives him a look with a wide, surprised mouth, and then an "oh, you" look.
Kojak: In the downstairs bathroom, George wears a dark blue undershirt as he trims his nose hairs. Mildred comes in, wearing her pink dressing gown.
She makes him stand behind her so she can put pins in her hair. He thinks the nose hairs prove he has very virile nostrils. She suggests he pluck a few of them and plant them on his head. He says she's always making remarks about his forehead. She says she never mentions it, then tells him to move over because it's flashing in her eyes.
He says, "You seem to like baldness in other fellows. Like that man who goes around saying, 'Who loves you, Baby?' " She thinks he means the milkman, but he of course means Kojak. (Making the second of the show's Telly Savalas references.)
George: What's he got that I haven't got?
Mildred: A big lollipop.
This innuendo gets a lot of laughter from the audience.
She asks if he's coming to bed. He asks what for and she says to sleep. He says he doesn't mind that. She crosses her arms.
He looks at his watch and says it's a bit early. She says they'll be very late tomorrow. He remembers the "toffee-nosed knees-up." She calls it the Floral Society's Annual Dinner Dance. (I like that her interest in flowers has continued.) He imitates one of the guests, saying, "May I have the pleasure of a quick Twist, Lady Snootycock? Or perchance you prefer to wait for the Black Bottom." (1960s dance, 1920s dance, both very un-snooty.) This reminds her that he'll need to take a bath. (Like Chrissy washing her hair, apparently not a daily activity.)
George says he's not going. She says he'll enjoy it this time, implying that he went last time and didn't enjoy it. They'll be cruising down the Thames. He says it's against nature, dancing on a boat, an extreme way of putting it. They argue about whether he'll go, till she grabs his arm, making him squeeze the toothpaste tube he's holding, and the paste squirts out onto them.
Siege mentality: Chrissy is at the kitchen table reading the newspaper. Robin is standing, holding a book open.
Robin: Right. I shall breach your outer defences with a seductive seafood salad. I will then batter down your drawbridge with my Beef Wellington. And you will finally surrender to my apple dumplings.
Chrissy: (amused) Sounds like an orgy.
He tells her that this meal has been banned in 39 countries. She says he's cooked for her before and it never got him anywhere. He says that they've always had Blondie Bumstead around, which amuses me because I've recently read a collection of early Blondie, and B.B. definitely had Jo's Gracie-Allenness.
Robin says that tonight it'll just be the two of them. Chrissy says, "Hard luck, I'm on a man-free diet." (Her last boyfriend we saw was on MatH30, with the ground rules of bringing dates home.) Undeterred, Robin says he'll splash out (spend money on) a nice bottle of wine. Then afterwards, they'll have coffee and brandy. He laughs evilly.
Jo comes in and Robin asks if she's still going out tonight. When she says yes, he says, "That is a pity, because the mood I'm in, I think I could tackle both of you."
Chrissy: That's confidence for you.
Jo: Ah, there's many a man who has a two-car garage that only has a bicycle inside.
This deservedly gets a great deal of audience laughter. She says she read it on the back of a matchbox.
She asks if he's going to the shops. In a French accent, he says, "But of course I am. A master chef always gets his ingredients at the very last moment." She tells him not to forget the toilet rolls. Annoyed, he speaks Frenglish, ending in the word "bicycle." Then he exits.
Chrissy: (to Jo) He really fancies his chances.
Jo: So do I fancy his chances. After what you did in his dream last night.
Chrissy: His dreams have got nothing to do with me.
Jo: There's no smoke without fire.
Chrissy: Look, I can handle Robin, and his Beef Wellington. No problem. (pause) You're not gonna be out too late tonight, are you?
Sore toe: Downstairs later, George is reading the newspaper. Mildred comes in wearing a dress that has splashes of yellow, pink, red, and green, a bit like petals. She has a yellow corsage on her left shoulder. Again, she has dressed for a floral occasion.
She tells him they're leaving in less than two hours and she's run him a bath. He says he doesn't want to go and he has a sore toe. As she puts on earrings, looking into their very '70s butterfly-shaped mirror, she says that he had a headache last night, and there's something wrong with him at both ends. "And in between isn't functioning too well either."
She tells him that he should have a bath anyway, even if he's not going. Then he could put on a clean shirt and a suit, comb his hair. Even if he's not going, it'll make him feel better. He says, "Oh yeah? Then I might as well walk you down to the corner, even though I'm not going. Call you a taxi, even though I'm not going. You must think I'm daft. I'm not going."
Sitting on the arm of the settee and leaning over him, she says, "George, you are taking advantage of the fact that I'm a weak woman and easily dominated." He cowers and says he isn't. He just wants to stay home.
She gets up and says she'll get a man to take her, even if it is short notice. He says the man can have his bath. She glares at him.
Dumplings: Back in the upstairs kitchen, Robin is cutting apples and he says his apple dumplings will melt in Chrissy's mouth. She's watching warily from the doorframe. She says, "You won't get carried away tonight, will you?" He says there'll be a stretcher party standing by. She denies being worried.
He goes over to the oven and takes something out, preparing it, as she stands next to him. He says she's got willpower and self-control. She'll be able to resist his feeble blandishments. He continues, "Yes, I mean, just because I've wined you and dined you." He chuckles.
Robin: We'll all be alone. [sic] You, you won't worry, will you?
Chrissy: (quietly) No.
Robin: I don't believe it either. Hee hee!
He chucks under her chin and she tells him, "Oh, get off!"
She exits and we cut to Jo doing her makeup in the lounge mirror. She's wearing a black dress that shows off her arms and shoulders, possibly the stunning dress from "I Won't Dance." We see Chrissy appear in the background of the mirror, as she asks if there's room for another girl at the party. Jo says no, it would spoil the balance of three men to every girl. Chrissy admits that Robin's making her nervous. Jo tells her to lie back and think of England. This makes Chrissy even more worried.
Jo asks the time. Chrissy looks at her watch and says, "Quarter to sex. Er, six!"
Mrs. Roper lets herself in without knocking because she's returning Jo's perfume. She says it was wasted on George of course.
Jo: Oh, it was supposed to go on you.
Mildred: Yes, er, I did use it, Love.
Mildred says that George is being his usual self. Chrissy says this is pretty rotten of him. Mildred says George won't come to the dance. Jo says he let Mrs. Roper down at the last minute. "Oh, I'm used to that, Love."
Mildred says she was wondering what Mr. Tripp was up to. Jo, smiling, says he may have his hands full. Chrissy protests, "No, he won't!"
As Robin enters from the kitchen, Chrissy says he's free tonight. He says, "I may be free. I may make a small charge."
The girls explain why Mrs. Roper needs an escort tonight.
Robin: Oh, you know I'd love to but--
Chrissy: He'd love to.
Robin: Wait a minute. I said but.
He says he's pretty dratty (?) company. Jo says, "That is true."
Mildred: I won't be offended, Love, if you say no.
Robin: Oh, good. No.
Mildred: (offended) I see.
He tries to rephrase it better but can't.
She says she knows he doesn't want a boring evening with a middle-aged woman. He says, "You're very understanding." She says she'll leave "you young people." Chrissy tells Robin, "Well, congratulations. You really made her day." Then we hear the door slam.
Submarines: George is again reading the paper when Mildred returns. She yells, "Get dressed, you're coming!" He asks what happened to the hordes of fellows queuing up to take her out. She again orders him to get dressed.
George: (on his feet) I do not cave in to threats, Mildred.
Mildred: Oh, yes, you do. (pointing) Bathroom!
They go down the hallway to the bathroom. (I've never really talked about this much, but the layout is odd in that the Ropers have to leave their lounge to go to the bathroom and kitchen. The bedroom seems to be off of the lounge. I can only assume that this is because it's an old building and that's how things got divided when it was turned into flats.)
She tells him not to play submarines, since there isn't time. He locks himself into the bathroom and says he'll stay there till it's all over. She bangs on the door, telling him to come out.
And we go to the adverts.
Cinderella: When we return, Robin is opening a wine bottle in the lounge. Jo is filing her nails, while Chrissy sulks on the settee. Robin says, "Let's not spoil our evening, just because I've spoiled hers."
Chrissy: She's been looking forward to this riverboat thing for weeks.
Jo: Now she can't go. She'll be sitting down there.
Chrissy: By the fireside, crying.
Robin: Oh, don't forget the cinders and the pumpkin and the mice. I mean, why blame me? Why not blame old Roper?
Chrissy: (standing next to Robin with her hands on her hips) Because he's a mean, rotten, little swine and you're not.
Robin: And that's the full extent of my guilt?
Chrissy: Yes.
Robin: Right. Case dismissed.
Jo: (as Robin lights the candles) Listen, she's done us favours.
Chrissy: Many times.
Jo: At least you could do one for her.
Chrissy: It's not too much to ask.
Robin: What is this, stereophonic nagging?
He says he was in the middle of preparing a meal, looking forward to--
Chrissy: I know what you were looking forward to. I can do it myself.
Robin: (shaking his head) You can't, Chrissy, it's not the same.
Chrissy: I can finish cooking the meal, and I can save you some for supper.
As he fumblingly protests, the girls each blow out a candle. He says, "It's not fair."
Woodworm: Mildred is still standing outside the bathroom. She tells George that grown men do not lock themselves in the lavatory. Her tone moving from sweet to hostile, she tells him to be sensible and discuss this like reasonable people.
Inside the bathroom, he's throwing paper airplanes he made out of the toilet roll. He tells her it's no use looking at him like that. It doesn't work through two inches of chipboard.
As she threatens him, Robin comes along. Embarrassed, she says she was talking to the woodworm, the little devils.
He asks for a word with her, so she suggests they go in the lounge. She tells him, "After you," and then pats his bottom.
They go to the lounge and he tells her that he's been thinking over her kind offer, unless she's found someone else. She hasn't. He says that's a relief and he'll take her. "I mean, may I take you? I'd esteem it a great privilege."
She says, "Mr. Tripp, you're too kind." She says she couldn't accept, so he starts to leave. "But if you really want to go, I mustn't disappoint you." She tells him he'll need a tie and he can meet her downstairs in half an hour. Trying to sound convincing, he says, "I'm sure I'm really going to enjoy this." He exits. She looks pleased and relieved.
All's fair: Upstairs later, Chrissy polishes Robin's shoes. She tells him, "You'll probably enjoy it." He enters from his bedroom, in a suit and tie.
Robin: Like hell I will. I know why you're forcing me to go. It's because you were beginning to weaken.
Chrissy: (giggling) All's fair in lust and war.
Robin: What about my poor Beef Wellington?
She again says she'll save him some.
Chrissy: And I'll promise you something else. I'll sit at the table and think sexy thoughts about you.
Robin: What?
Chrissy: Well, it's not as safe when you're here.
She laughs.
Jo enters from the kitchen and says she lost an earring. Chrissy suggests she take the other one off and go with matching earlobes.
As Jo starts to leave, Chrissy has her take Robin with her, so he doesn't make a break for it. Chrissy blows Robin a kiss. He clenches his fist. Jo leads him out.
Through the keyhole: We return to George in the downstairs bathroom. Holding a toilet-paper airplane, he listens at the door. He says he knows she's still out there.
George: You don't frighten me by not threatening me.
Mildred: (offscreen) Yes, I'm here, George.
She startles him.
She's wearing a gold jacket over her dress. It looks like alligator skin. She says, "As far as I'm concerned, George, you can stay in there from Monday to Saturday, all year if you like. I'll shove your birthday cake through the keyhole." She takes a sip of champagne from a glass.
Jo and Robin come downstairs. She says, "Bye-bye. Enjoy yourself." He goes down the hallway towards the bathroom.
Mildred says, "I don't care if you ever come out. You can stay in there and rot!" She sees Robin and he says, "You're really giving those woodworm a hard time, aren't you?"
She hands him her glass, which he sets down. Then he gives her his arm.
Robin: Er, goodnight, Mr. Roper.
George: Who's that?
He thinks Mildred is still out there, but she doesn't answer.
Riverboat: A boat is at the dock. A plump doorman with a moustache and white uniform takes Robin and Mildred's tickets, tearing them in half. In the background, swingin' jazzy music plays, like something from Benny Hill or a mid-1960s teen movie.
Restraint: George emerges from the bathroom and calls to Mildred. He tells her he expects her to behave with restraint. He edges down the hallway. He tells her to not muck about. He checks the lounge, but it's empty.
Shrapnel: In the upstairs kitchen, Chrissy wears a non-naughty apron as she takes the plate of Beef Wellington out of the oven and sets it on the counter.
George comes in, looking for Mildred. Chrissy says Mrs. Roper has gone to the dinner dance with Robin. George is amused that she took the young fellow and thinks she must've twisted his arm. He says, "I got out of it, you know." Chrissy, who's wrapping the Beef Wellington in something yellow (dough?), says, "If I may so, it was reprehensible." George sincerely says, "Oh, thank you very much," clearly not understanding.
He says he can't dance because of his leg. "I've had it since the war." She asks how long he's had the other one. He says the leg has a piece of Jerry shrapnel. A yard nearer his heart and he'd have been dead. She says, "Yeah, you have mentioned it."
He says that during the war, night after night they took everything the Jerry bombers threw at them: two ounces of cheese and a little bit of bacon.
Talking of food, Mildred didn't leave him any supper. He asks about what Chrissy's making, and she says it's Beef Wellington. When he hears she's on her own, he says it's quite a lot for one.
Chrissy: (as she puts it back in the oven) Are you hinting, Mr. Roper?
George: What?
Chrissy: You want to share this?
George: Oh, that's very kind of you. Thank you, I accept.
He says he'll go tidy up a bit. "If Mildred can go out with a young fellow, what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander." He gives her a huge wink and exits. She's wide-eyed with shock.
Mazurka: We cut, not to a goose, but a swan, possibly the one from the credits, although that's a daytime shot. Then we pan to the boat.
Robin, Mildred, and the other passengers applaud at the end of a musical number. Robin apologises for kicking her knee but he didn't know the steps of the dance. She says it was the Palais Glide. ( http://www.kickery.com/2010/04/palais-glide.html )
Mildred: Perhaps later we might have a Mazurka.
Robin: Oh, good, I'm starving.
(Even though it's a dinner dance, they never actually eat, so I hope George doesn't gobble up all the Beef Wellington.)
They go to a table and sit down. She drinks while he glances at his watch.
Mildred: I hope you're not feeling out of it, Dear.
Robin: Oh, no, I feel right in it.
Robin says he's the youngest one here and he hopes she doesn't mind. She says she does have a reputation to think of, and this isn't doing it a bit of harm. She says there are terrible gossips in the group, especially the one over there in the blue dress. "Mind you, I can't stand gossip myself. Especially when it comes from someone who's no better than she ought to be. I mean, after all, I don't take an hour and a half to get my meter read."
He starts to smoke but she takes his cigarette when the Quick Step starts. She tells him that it's more his generation than the other dance.
Scaffolding: Chrissy smiles as she brings two bowls over to the table in the lounge. George arrives in a suit and tie.
He brought "a flower for a flower." It's a red rose, plastic so it'll last longer. He got it free with a packet of slug pellets. She's amused but polite.
He lights the candles and says, "We more mature men think of these niceties." She offers him carrots, but they give him wind.
George: The more mature man isn't so impetuous.
Chrissy: You hang your hat up first.
George: (touching his head) What hat?
She calls him a masher (decades-old term for a man who makes unwanted advances towards a woman). He admits it and then wonders where she heard the word. She says her granddad used to say it.
George says, "The more mature man can sometimes be attractive to the younger woman, wouldn't you say so?" She shakes her head.
She offers him beans but they give him the gallops.
He says that Mildred and the young fellow is the same difference really. Chrissy rises to Mildred's defence, saying she's looked after herself and is still a very attractive woman. He says, "Well, so am I. Man I mean." He says that given Mildred didn't have much to start with, she's kept it going, done a good job of scaffolding.
Chrissy: A lot of men would find her very attractive.
George: A lot of men need glasses.
He thinks Robin went to the dance out of pity, but Chrissy denies it. He says Robin can't fancy Mildred. Chrissy says he underestimates his wife.
George: Does he fancy her?
Chrissy: (amused) I didn't say that.
George: Come to think of it, I've seen him eying her on the stairway. And now they're out together. I've heard of these shipboard romances. Middle-aged women and the giggle-os.
He says it'll be a shove in a doorway and a quick snog.
Chrissy: He wouldn't do that!
George: I'm talking about her.
He says Mildred is very impetuous and Robin wouldn't be too choosy in the dark.
Getting to his feet, he says, "I see what she was up to now, locking me in the loo!" He throws down his serviette and exclaims, "Corblimey!"
Shoulders: We get to see a bit of Robin and Mildred dancing together. They clap as the tune ends. She says she really felt as if she was floating. He points out that this is a boat.
They sit down again.
Mildred: Oh! I feel like a 20-year-old girl.
Robin: (muttering) So do I.
He says it's warm in here. Putting her hand on his knee, she suggests a stroll on the deck. So he says it's not that warm, although he fans himself with a serviette. She removes her hand and looks disappointed.
A taxi pulls up. George gets out and tells the cabbie to wait there. The doorman stops him. George says, "Evening, Captain," and salutes.
The doorman asks for his ticket. George says he left it in his other suit. The doorman says, "Got another suit, have we? And we wear that one? Go on." George runs across the bridge and onto the boat. The doorman is played by Mike Savage, one of the dustmen on "How Does Your Garden Grow."
Mildred says that the terrible thing about George is he never pays her those little compliments. Taking the hint, Robin says that's a very pretty dress. She says that some people consider her shoulders her best features. Pointing at the one nearest him, the left one, he says, "Especially that one." Nothing against the other, but if it came to a crunch, that would definitely be the one for him. She looks flattered, but he looks uncomfortable.
George comes over and asks, "What have you two been up to, eh?" He tells Mildred she's coming home with him, and he pulls her arm. She stands and then Robin does, too. Robin says George is making a scene.
George tries to fight Robin. Robin asks what he's done. George says, "They all seem the same to you in the dark." He tries to get Robin to put up his fists, too, so Robin starts to take off his jacket. Then George hides behind Mildred, so Robin puts his jacket back on.
George insists on going home. He hands Mildred her coat but dashes out. Robin drapes the coat over her and gets her purse. Mildred tells George he's being childish.
He's so upset, he accidentally falls off the boat. Mildred and Robin remind us that George can't swim.
Robin hands Mildred her purse and starts to take his jacket off again. Mildred says, "No, that is your new suit." She hands Robin the life preserver, telling him to sling it to George. Robin does so. And the episode ends.
I must note that Jo's keychain in the credits has a picture of David Bowie, so either they changed it or I was hallucinating when I first saw it.
Commentary:
Jessica Tate: Mickey Mouse's dog was gay???...
Jodie Dallas: Yeah, Goofy was his lover.
(My favorite quote from Soap, airing a year or two after MatH35.)
"I felt so symbolic yesterday."
(My favorite ridiculous quote from the Counting Crows' "Mr. Jones.")
OK, now that I've got those quotes out of my system, let's talk about the RCST. We haven't had much of it lately, but here we have Robin deliberately taking Chrissy to a movie that he finds sexy. She fends him off with banter, and yet the way she teases him about maybe not being still in the mood tomorrow is double-edged. If she genuinely isn't interested in him, then she's being either outright cruel or just playful. But she should also realise that she is leading him on by the way she teases. She could give him a flat "no now and forever," and he'd probably back off. But she doesn't, and never has.
Because the truth is, Chrissy is tempted, as she was on the "mouse" episode. I don't think she's been "weakening" lately, any more than she was during that episode, or the parallel-universe movie. And she pretty much admits that, besides wanting to help Mrs. Roper, she's sending Robin out in order to be "safe" to think sexy thoughts about him.
And it is seen as "weakening," giving in, surrendering. That's how Robin talks, like he's laying siege to her. Yes, it's definitely more seduction than attempted rape, but it's certainly never "Hey, Robin, you turn me on, too, and I think it's time." That would be out of character for Chrissy, and perhaps out-of-decade, although we are deeper into the 1970s and even-nice-girls-doing. Robin is aiming more for an "OK, you win."
We again get a sense of Jo as Robin's second choice, when he says he could "tackle" both girls tonight. And as always, Jo thinks Chrissy and Robin will get together eventually. But "Lie back and think of England" suggests Jo thinks Chrissy won't enjoy Robin deflowering her.
There's again a hint of female masturbation, when Robin tells Chrissy it's not the same doing it herself, although I'm not clear if sometimes innocent Chrissy picks up on it.
As I've said, it's hard to feel too sorry for George when he's being rotten to the kids (or cheating on Mildred), but honestly, it's just a dance. If he doesn't want to go, he shouldn't have to. Yes, it's a shame that Mildred married a man who isn't as fun-loving as she is, but either divorce him, find a platonic friend (other than Robin) to go dancing with (as Peg Bundy did on Married with Children IIRC), or find an activity that she can enjoy with her husband. (Without getting him drunk I mean.) I don't like how she intimidates him on this episode, dominating him while pretending to be the weak little woman.
As for Robin, he has a point that he's even less obligated to go than Mr. Roper is. However, he could've let Mrs. Roper down more gently, or heck, told her the truth, that he was cooking a special dinner that night. (He wouldn't have to say it was for Chrissy.) Or he could've reminded her of what we learned on "I Won't Dance," that he's not a very good dancer.
Besides, knowing how fond Chrissy is of Mrs. Roper, does he really expect to successfully seduce Chrissy when he's disappointing her friend? Why not sacrifice the evening in making Mrs. Roper happy, win some points, and then spend a different evening with Chrissy? They live together. It's not like there won't be other opportunities.
I'm not sure if it's a cultural or a generational difference, but it is weird how Mildred can pat Robin's bum yet still call him Mr. Tripp. The episode makes clear that young people wouldn't find middle-aged people attractive, or at least Robin and Chrissy wouldn't be attracted to the Ropers. I don't think that would play the same in the age of the MILF and the cougar, not to mention 65-year-old Alan Rickman being a sex symbol, but 35 years ago the generation gap was like a chasm. Not that people didn't have partners of different generations-- that's always existed-- but it seems to have been a bigger deal then than now. Remember, in The Graduate (1967), the age difference between Mrs. Robinson and Benjamin was 15 years. (And it was only 6 years between Anne Bancroft and Dustin Hoffman. By the way, Normal Fell has a cameo in that movie, as a landlord.)
And finally, it's a riverboat cruise, but they stay docked the entire time?
Pluto: As the episode opens, Robin and Chrissy are returning from the cinema.
Robin: You know something? That's got to be one of the sexiest films I've ever seen. Yeah, I don't know how they got away with it. There were a couple moments there that were really getting me going.
Chrissy: And me. That moment where Pluto leapt onto Donald Duck's bed.
They go into the flat. He says that the cartoon was sexy, too, but he was thinking more of the main feature film. She says he told her the film was going to be cultural. He says it was. What that girl was doing to that fellow was symbolic.
Chrissy: (as they sit on the settee) Of what?
Robin: Why should I care? He didn't.
They laugh. Then, putting his arm around her, he says, "I don't suppose you feel a teeny bit symbolic, do you?"
Jo comes in with a half bottle of milk, a bowl, a spoon, and a box of Kellogg's Corn Flakes. Robin tells Chrissy to forget it, but he's not giving up of course.
Robin: If we didn't share a flat, I'd have come back to your place, or you'd have come back to mine.
Chrissy: Well, we've done that.
Robin: Yes, that is true.
Jo has poured herself a bowl of corn flakes. Robin suggests she go to bed. She says she's got a bowl of corn flakes. He says it's not the same. You can't snuggle up in a bowl of corn flakes. You'd get your pyjamas soggy.
Using a phrase she's used before, Jo says, "Look, I don't like playing gooseberry in the manger."
Robin: (to Chrissy) Well, who would?
Jo: So if you two are in the mood--
Chrissy: I'm not in the mood!
Robin: Think of Pluto, leaping onto Donald Duck's bed.
Jo tells them they'll have to wait till tomorrow night, when she's going out to a party. Chrissy says, "I might not still be in the mood." Robin says, "What do you mean still?" Chrissy laughs. Robin exclaims, "Jo, I can't wait!"
Jo tells him to not be so impatient. Chrissy, who's gotten up from the settee, says he's got to learn to hang his hat up first.
Robin: Oh, yeah, point taken. Tomorrow night it is, just the two of us. (As Chrissy leans forward, resting her elbows on the settee) I shall prepare a meal, with candlelight, wine, music. What more could a man ask?
Chrissy: Oh, you'll think of something.
Robin: Very true.
Chrissy: What makes you think tomorrow night's gonna be any different? We've been alone before.
Robin: Because you're starting to weaken. For instance, last night you nearly gve in. (He leers at her.)
Chrissy: I didn't! I was washing my hair! (She goes towards the kitchen.)
Robin: Not in my dream, you weren't.
From the kitchen doorframe, she gives him a look with a wide, surprised mouth, and then an "oh, you" look.
Kojak: In the downstairs bathroom, George wears a dark blue undershirt as he trims his nose hairs. Mildred comes in, wearing her pink dressing gown.
She makes him stand behind her so she can put pins in her hair. He thinks the nose hairs prove he has very virile nostrils. She suggests he pluck a few of them and plant them on his head. He says she's always making remarks about his forehead. She says she never mentions it, then tells him to move over because it's flashing in her eyes.
He says, "You seem to like baldness in other fellows. Like that man who goes around saying, 'Who loves you, Baby?' " She thinks he means the milkman, but he of course means Kojak. (Making the second of the show's Telly Savalas references.)
George: What's he got that I haven't got?
Mildred: A big lollipop.
This innuendo gets a lot of laughter from the audience.
She asks if he's coming to bed. He asks what for and she says to sleep. He says he doesn't mind that. She crosses her arms.
He looks at his watch and says it's a bit early. She says they'll be very late tomorrow. He remembers the "toffee-nosed knees-up." She calls it the Floral Society's Annual Dinner Dance. (I like that her interest in flowers has continued.) He imitates one of the guests, saying, "May I have the pleasure of a quick Twist, Lady Snootycock? Or perchance you prefer to wait for the Black Bottom." (1960s dance, 1920s dance, both very un-snooty.) This reminds her that he'll need to take a bath. (Like Chrissy washing her hair, apparently not a daily activity.)
George says he's not going. She says he'll enjoy it this time, implying that he went last time and didn't enjoy it. They'll be cruising down the Thames. He says it's against nature, dancing on a boat, an extreme way of putting it. They argue about whether he'll go, till she grabs his arm, making him squeeze the toothpaste tube he's holding, and the paste squirts out onto them.
Siege mentality: Chrissy is at the kitchen table reading the newspaper. Robin is standing, holding a book open.
Robin: Right. I shall breach your outer defences with a seductive seafood salad. I will then batter down your drawbridge with my Beef Wellington. And you will finally surrender to my apple dumplings.
Chrissy: (amused) Sounds like an orgy.
He tells her that this meal has been banned in 39 countries. She says he's cooked for her before and it never got him anywhere. He says that they've always had Blondie Bumstead around, which amuses me because I've recently read a collection of early Blondie, and B.B. definitely had Jo's Gracie-Allenness.
Robin says that tonight it'll just be the two of them. Chrissy says, "Hard luck, I'm on a man-free diet." (Her last boyfriend we saw was on MatH30, with the ground rules of bringing dates home.) Undeterred, Robin says he'll splash out (spend money on) a nice bottle of wine. Then afterwards, they'll have coffee and brandy. He laughs evilly.
Jo comes in and Robin asks if she's still going out tonight. When she says yes, he says, "That is a pity, because the mood I'm in, I think I could tackle both of you."
Chrissy: That's confidence for you.
Jo: Ah, there's many a man who has a two-car garage that only has a bicycle inside.
This deservedly gets a great deal of audience laughter. She says she read it on the back of a matchbox.
She asks if he's going to the shops. In a French accent, he says, "But of course I am. A master chef always gets his ingredients at the very last moment." She tells him not to forget the toilet rolls. Annoyed, he speaks Frenglish, ending in the word "bicycle." Then he exits.
Chrissy: (to Jo) He really fancies his chances.
Jo: So do I fancy his chances. After what you did in his dream last night.
Chrissy: His dreams have got nothing to do with me.
Jo: There's no smoke without fire.
Chrissy: Look, I can handle Robin, and his Beef Wellington. No problem. (pause) You're not gonna be out too late tonight, are you?
Sore toe: Downstairs later, George is reading the newspaper. Mildred comes in wearing a dress that has splashes of yellow, pink, red, and green, a bit like petals. She has a yellow corsage on her left shoulder. Again, she has dressed for a floral occasion.
She tells him they're leaving in less than two hours and she's run him a bath. He says he doesn't want to go and he has a sore toe. As she puts on earrings, looking into their very '70s butterfly-shaped mirror, she says that he had a headache last night, and there's something wrong with him at both ends. "And in between isn't functioning too well either."
She tells him that he should have a bath anyway, even if he's not going. Then he could put on a clean shirt and a suit, comb his hair. Even if he's not going, it'll make him feel better. He says, "Oh yeah? Then I might as well walk you down to the corner, even though I'm not going. Call you a taxi, even though I'm not going. You must think I'm daft. I'm not going."
Sitting on the arm of the settee and leaning over him, she says, "George, you are taking advantage of the fact that I'm a weak woman and easily dominated." He cowers and says he isn't. He just wants to stay home.
She gets up and says she'll get a man to take her, even if it is short notice. He says the man can have his bath. She glares at him.
Dumplings: Back in the upstairs kitchen, Robin is cutting apples and he says his apple dumplings will melt in Chrissy's mouth. She's watching warily from the doorframe. She says, "You won't get carried away tonight, will you?" He says there'll be a stretcher party standing by. She denies being worried.
He goes over to the oven and takes something out, preparing it, as she stands next to him. He says she's got willpower and self-control. She'll be able to resist his feeble blandishments. He continues, "Yes, I mean, just because I've wined you and dined you." He chuckles.
Robin: We'll all be alone. [sic] You, you won't worry, will you?
Chrissy: (quietly) No.
Robin: I don't believe it either. Hee hee!
He chucks under her chin and she tells him, "Oh, get off!"
She exits and we cut to Jo doing her makeup in the lounge mirror. She's wearing a black dress that shows off her arms and shoulders, possibly the stunning dress from "I Won't Dance." We see Chrissy appear in the background of the mirror, as she asks if there's room for another girl at the party. Jo says no, it would spoil the balance of three men to every girl. Chrissy admits that Robin's making her nervous. Jo tells her to lie back and think of England. This makes Chrissy even more worried.
Jo asks the time. Chrissy looks at her watch and says, "Quarter to sex. Er, six!"
Mrs. Roper lets herself in without knocking because she's returning Jo's perfume. She says it was wasted on George of course.
Jo: Oh, it was supposed to go on you.
Mildred: Yes, er, I did use it, Love.
Mildred says that George is being his usual self. Chrissy says this is pretty rotten of him. Mildred says George won't come to the dance. Jo says he let Mrs. Roper down at the last minute. "Oh, I'm used to that, Love."
Mildred says she was wondering what Mr. Tripp was up to. Jo, smiling, says he may have his hands full. Chrissy protests, "No, he won't!"
As Robin enters from the kitchen, Chrissy says he's free tonight. He says, "I may be free. I may make a small charge."
The girls explain why Mrs. Roper needs an escort tonight.
Robin: Oh, you know I'd love to but--
Chrissy: He'd love to.
Robin: Wait a minute. I said but.
He says he's pretty dratty (?) company. Jo says, "That is true."
Mildred: I won't be offended, Love, if you say no.
Robin: Oh, good. No.
Mildred: (offended) I see.
He tries to rephrase it better but can't.
She says she knows he doesn't want a boring evening with a middle-aged woman. He says, "You're very understanding." She says she'll leave "you young people." Chrissy tells Robin, "Well, congratulations. You really made her day." Then we hear the door slam.
Submarines: George is again reading the paper when Mildred returns. She yells, "Get dressed, you're coming!" He asks what happened to the hordes of fellows queuing up to take her out. She again orders him to get dressed.
George: (on his feet) I do not cave in to threats, Mildred.
Mildred: Oh, yes, you do. (pointing) Bathroom!
They go down the hallway to the bathroom. (I've never really talked about this much, but the layout is odd in that the Ropers have to leave their lounge to go to the bathroom and kitchen. The bedroom seems to be off of the lounge. I can only assume that this is because it's an old building and that's how things got divided when it was turned into flats.)
She tells him not to play submarines, since there isn't time. He locks himself into the bathroom and says he'll stay there till it's all over. She bangs on the door, telling him to come out.
And we go to the adverts.
Cinderella: When we return, Robin is opening a wine bottle in the lounge. Jo is filing her nails, while Chrissy sulks on the settee. Robin says, "Let's not spoil our evening, just because I've spoiled hers."
Chrissy: She's been looking forward to this riverboat thing for weeks.
Jo: Now she can't go. She'll be sitting down there.
Chrissy: By the fireside, crying.
Robin: Oh, don't forget the cinders and the pumpkin and the mice. I mean, why blame me? Why not blame old Roper?
Chrissy: (standing next to Robin with her hands on her hips) Because he's a mean, rotten, little swine and you're not.
Robin: And that's the full extent of my guilt?
Chrissy: Yes.
Robin: Right. Case dismissed.
Jo: (as Robin lights the candles) Listen, she's done us favours.
Chrissy: Many times.
Jo: At least you could do one for her.
Chrissy: It's not too much to ask.
Robin: What is this, stereophonic nagging?
He says he was in the middle of preparing a meal, looking forward to--
Chrissy: I know what you were looking forward to. I can do it myself.
Robin: (shaking his head) You can't, Chrissy, it's not the same.
Chrissy: I can finish cooking the meal, and I can save you some for supper.
As he fumblingly protests, the girls each blow out a candle. He says, "It's not fair."
Woodworm: Mildred is still standing outside the bathroom. She tells George that grown men do not lock themselves in the lavatory. Her tone moving from sweet to hostile, she tells him to be sensible and discuss this like reasonable people.
Inside the bathroom, he's throwing paper airplanes he made out of the toilet roll. He tells her it's no use looking at him like that. It doesn't work through two inches of chipboard.
As she threatens him, Robin comes along. Embarrassed, she says she was talking to the woodworm, the little devils.
He asks for a word with her, so she suggests they go in the lounge. She tells him, "After you," and then pats his bottom.
They go to the lounge and he tells her that he's been thinking over her kind offer, unless she's found someone else. She hasn't. He says that's a relief and he'll take her. "I mean, may I take you? I'd esteem it a great privilege."
She says, "Mr. Tripp, you're too kind." She says she couldn't accept, so he starts to leave. "But if you really want to go, I mustn't disappoint you." She tells him he'll need a tie and he can meet her downstairs in half an hour. Trying to sound convincing, he says, "I'm sure I'm really going to enjoy this." He exits. She looks pleased and relieved.
All's fair: Upstairs later, Chrissy polishes Robin's shoes. She tells him, "You'll probably enjoy it." He enters from his bedroom, in a suit and tie.
Robin: Like hell I will. I know why you're forcing me to go. It's because you were beginning to weaken.
Chrissy: (giggling) All's fair in lust and war.
Robin: What about my poor Beef Wellington?
She again says she'll save him some.
Chrissy: And I'll promise you something else. I'll sit at the table and think sexy thoughts about you.
Robin: What?
Chrissy: Well, it's not as safe when you're here.
She laughs.
Jo enters from the kitchen and says she lost an earring. Chrissy suggests she take the other one off and go with matching earlobes.
As Jo starts to leave, Chrissy has her take Robin with her, so he doesn't make a break for it. Chrissy blows Robin a kiss. He clenches his fist. Jo leads him out.
Through the keyhole: We return to George in the downstairs bathroom. Holding a toilet-paper airplane, he listens at the door. He says he knows she's still out there.
George: You don't frighten me by not threatening me.
Mildred: (offscreen) Yes, I'm here, George.
She startles him.
She's wearing a gold jacket over her dress. It looks like alligator skin. She says, "As far as I'm concerned, George, you can stay in there from Monday to Saturday, all year if you like. I'll shove your birthday cake through the keyhole." She takes a sip of champagne from a glass.
Jo and Robin come downstairs. She says, "Bye-bye. Enjoy yourself." He goes down the hallway towards the bathroom.
Mildred says, "I don't care if you ever come out. You can stay in there and rot!" She sees Robin and he says, "You're really giving those woodworm a hard time, aren't you?"
She hands him her glass, which he sets down. Then he gives her his arm.
Robin: Er, goodnight, Mr. Roper.
George: Who's that?
He thinks Mildred is still out there, but she doesn't answer.
Riverboat: A boat is at the dock. A plump doorman with a moustache and white uniform takes Robin and Mildred's tickets, tearing them in half. In the background, swingin' jazzy music plays, like something from Benny Hill or a mid-1960s teen movie.
Restraint: George emerges from the bathroom and calls to Mildred. He tells her he expects her to behave with restraint. He edges down the hallway. He tells her to not muck about. He checks the lounge, but it's empty.
Shrapnel: In the upstairs kitchen, Chrissy wears a non-naughty apron as she takes the plate of Beef Wellington out of the oven and sets it on the counter.
George comes in, looking for Mildred. Chrissy says Mrs. Roper has gone to the dinner dance with Robin. George is amused that she took the young fellow and thinks she must've twisted his arm. He says, "I got out of it, you know." Chrissy, who's wrapping the Beef Wellington in something yellow (dough?), says, "If I may so, it was reprehensible." George sincerely says, "Oh, thank you very much," clearly not understanding.
He says he can't dance because of his leg. "I've had it since the war." She asks how long he's had the other one. He says the leg has a piece of Jerry shrapnel. A yard nearer his heart and he'd have been dead. She says, "Yeah, you have mentioned it."
He says that during the war, night after night they took everything the Jerry bombers threw at them: two ounces of cheese and a little bit of bacon.
Talking of food, Mildred didn't leave him any supper. He asks about what Chrissy's making, and she says it's Beef Wellington. When he hears she's on her own, he says it's quite a lot for one.
Chrissy: (as she puts it back in the oven) Are you hinting, Mr. Roper?
George: What?
Chrissy: You want to share this?
George: Oh, that's very kind of you. Thank you, I accept.
He says he'll go tidy up a bit. "If Mildred can go out with a young fellow, what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander." He gives her a huge wink and exits. She's wide-eyed with shock.
Mazurka: We cut, not to a goose, but a swan, possibly the one from the credits, although that's a daytime shot. Then we pan to the boat.
Robin, Mildred, and the other passengers applaud at the end of a musical number. Robin apologises for kicking her knee but he didn't know the steps of the dance. She says it was the Palais Glide. ( http://www.kickery.com/2010/04/palais-glide.html )
Mildred: Perhaps later we might have a Mazurka.
Robin: Oh, good, I'm starving.
(Even though it's a dinner dance, they never actually eat, so I hope George doesn't gobble up all the Beef Wellington.)
They go to a table and sit down. She drinks while he glances at his watch.
Mildred: I hope you're not feeling out of it, Dear.
Robin: Oh, no, I feel right in it.
Robin says he's the youngest one here and he hopes she doesn't mind. She says she does have a reputation to think of, and this isn't doing it a bit of harm. She says there are terrible gossips in the group, especially the one over there in the blue dress. "Mind you, I can't stand gossip myself. Especially when it comes from someone who's no better than she ought to be. I mean, after all, I don't take an hour and a half to get my meter read."
He starts to smoke but she takes his cigarette when the Quick Step starts. She tells him that it's more his generation than the other dance.
Scaffolding: Chrissy smiles as she brings two bowls over to the table in the lounge. George arrives in a suit and tie.
He brought "a flower for a flower." It's a red rose, plastic so it'll last longer. He got it free with a packet of slug pellets. She's amused but polite.
He lights the candles and says, "We more mature men think of these niceties." She offers him carrots, but they give him wind.
George: The more mature man isn't so impetuous.
Chrissy: You hang your hat up first.
George: (touching his head) What hat?
She calls him a masher (decades-old term for a man who makes unwanted advances towards a woman). He admits it and then wonders where she heard the word. She says her granddad used to say it.
George says, "The more mature man can sometimes be attractive to the younger woman, wouldn't you say so?" She shakes her head.
She offers him beans but they give him the gallops.
He says that Mildred and the young fellow is the same difference really. Chrissy rises to Mildred's defence, saying she's looked after herself and is still a very attractive woman. He says, "Well, so am I. Man I mean." He says that given Mildred didn't have much to start with, she's kept it going, done a good job of scaffolding.
Chrissy: A lot of men would find her very attractive.
George: A lot of men need glasses.
He thinks Robin went to the dance out of pity, but Chrissy denies it. He says Robin can't fancy Mildred. Chrissy says he underestimates his wife.
George: Does he fancy her?
Chrissy: (amused) I didn't say that.
George: Come to think of it, I've seen him eying her on the stairway. And now they're out together. I've heard of these shipboard romances. Middle-aged women and the giggle-os.
He says it'll be a shove in a doorway and a quick snog.
Chrissy: He wouldn't do that!
George: I'm talking about her.
He says Mildred is very impetuous and Robin wouldn't be too choosy in the dark.
Getting to his feet, he says, "I see what she was up to now, locking me in the loo!" He throws down his serviette and exclaims, "Corblimey!"
Shoulders: We get to see a bit of Robin and Mildred dancing together. They clap as the tune ends. She says she really felt as if she was floating. He points out that this is a boat.
They sit down again.
Mildred: Oh! I feel like a 20-year-old girl.
Robin: (muttering) So do I.
He says it's warm in here. Putting her hand on his knee, she suggests a stroll on the deck. So he says it's not that warm, although he fans himself with a serviette. She removes her hand and looks disappointed.
A taxi pulls up. George gets out and tells the cabbie to wait there. The doorman stops him. George says, "Evening, Captain," and salutes.
The doorman asks for his ticket. George says he left it in his other suit. The doorman says, "Got another suit, have we? And we wear that one? Go on." George runs across the bridge and onto the boat. The doorman is played by Mike Savage, one of the dustmen on "How Does Your Garden Grow."
Mildred says that the terrible thing about George is he never pays her those little compliments. Taking the hint, Robin says that's a very pretty dress. She says that some people consider her shoulders her best features. Pointing at the one nearest him, the left one, he says, "Especially that one." Nothing against the other, but if it came to a crunch, that would definitely be the one for him. She looks flattered, but he looks uncomfortable.
George comes over and asks, "What have you two been up to, eh?" He tells Mildred she's coming home with him, and he pulls her arm. She stands and then Robin does, too. Robin says George is making a scene.
George tries to fight Robin. Robin asks what he's done. George says, "They all seem the same to you in the dark." He tries to get Robin to put up his fists, too, so Robin starts to take off his jacket. Then George hides behind Mildred, so Robin puts his jacket back on.
George insists on going home. He hands Mildred her coat but dashes out. Robin drapes the coat over her and gets her purse. Mildred tells George he's being childish.
He's so upset, he accidentally falls off the boat. Mildred and Robin remind us that George can't swim.
Robin hands Mildred her purse and starts to take his jacket off again. Mildred says, "No, that is your new suit." She hands Robin the life preserver, telling him to sling it to George. Robin does so. And the episode ends.
I must note that Jo's keychain in the credits has a picture of David Bowie, so either they changed it or I was hallucinating when I first saw it.
Commentary:
Jessica Tate: Mickey Mouse's dog was gay???...
Jodie Dallas: Yeah, Goofy was his lover.
(My favorite quote from Soap, airing a year or two after MatH35.)
"I felt so symbolic yesterday."
(My favorite ridiculous quote from the Counting Crows' "Mr. Jones.")
OK, now that I've got those quotes out of my system, let's talk about the RCST. We haven't had much of it lately, but here we have Robin deliberately taking Chrissy to a movie that he finds sexy. She fends him off with banter, and yet the way she teases him about maybe not being still in the mood tomorrow is double-edged. If she genuinely isn't interested in him, then she's being either outright cruel or just playful. But she should also realise that she is leading him on by the way she teases. She could give him a flat "no now and forever," and he'd probably back off. But she doesn't, and never has.
Because the truth is, Chrissy is tempted, as she was on the "mouse" episode. I don't think she's been "weakening" lately, any more than she was during that episode, or the parallel-universe movie. And she pretty much admits that, besides wanting to help Mrs. Roper, she's sending Robin out in order to be "safe" to think sexy thoughts about him.
And it is seen as "weakening," giving in, surrendering. That's how Robin talks, like he's laying siege to her. Yes, it's definitely more seduction than attempted rape, but it's certainly never "Hey, Robin, you turn me on, too, and I think it's time." That would be out of character for Chrissy, and perhaps out-of-decade, although we are deeper into the 1970s and even-nice-girls-doing. Robin is aiming more for an "OK, you win."
We again get a sense of Jo as Robin's second choice, when he says he could "tackle" both girls tonight. And as always, Jo thinks Chrissy and Robin will get together eventually. But "Lie back and think of England" suggests Jo thinks Chrissy won't enjoy Robin deflowering her.
There's again a hint of female masturbation, when Robin tells Chrissy it's not the same doing it herself, although I'm not clear if sometimes innocent Chrissy picks up on it.
As I've said, it's hard to feel too sorry for George when he's being rotten to the kids (or cheating on Mildred), but honestly, it's just a dance. If he doesn't want to go, he shouldn't have to. Yes, it's a shame that Mildred married a man who isn't as fun-loving as she is, but either divorce him, find a platonic friend (other than Robin) to go dancing with (as Peg Bundy did on Married with Children IIRC), or find an activity that she can enjoy with her husband. (Without getting him drunk I mean.) I don't like how she intimidates him on this episode, dominating him while pretending to be the weak little woman.
As for Robin, he has a point that he's even less obligated to go than Mr. Roper is. However, he could've let Mrs. Roper down more gently, or heck, told her the truth, that he was cooking a special dinner that night. (He wouldn't have to say it was for Chrissy.) Or he could've reminded her of what we learned on "I Won't Dance," that he's not a very good dancer.
Besides, knowing how fond Chrissy is of Mrs. Roper, does he really expect to successfully seduce Chrissy when he's disappointing her friend? Why not sacrifice the evening in making Mrs. Roper happy, win some points, and then spend a different evening with Chrissy? They live together. It's not like there won't be other opportunities.
I'm not sure if it's a cultural or a generational difference, but it is weird how Mildred can pat Robin's bum yet still call him Mr. Tripp. The episode makes clear that young people wouldn't find middle-aged people attractive, or at least Robin and Chrissy wouldn't be attracted to the Ropers. I don't think that would play the same in the age of the MILF and the cougar, not to mention 65-year-old Alan Rickman being a sex symbol, but 35 years ago the generation gap was like a chasm. Not that people didn't have partners of different generations-- that's always existed-- but it seems to have been a bigger deal then than now. Remember, in The Graduate (1967), the age difference between Mrs. Robinson and Benjamin was 15 years. (And it was only 6 years between Anne Bancroft and Dustin Hoffman. By the way, Normal Fell has a cameo in that movie, as a landlord.)
And finally, it's a riverboat cruise, but they stay docked the entire time?
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
"One More for the Pot"
The title of MatH34 makes it sound like this is another "marijuana episode," but it's "pot" in the sense of "kitty." The episode aired on 3 March 1976 and, yes, Jo is back. There is no real American equivalent, not even to the extent of "Three's Christmas," but there were a couple small influences, which I'll discuss at the end.
Calculating: Jo is drying dishes in the kitchen, as Robin sits at the table and plays with his new calculator. He does the square root of 123. Jo doesn't know what a square root is.
He says the calculator can answer any question, so she asks the capital of Nicaragua (pronounced Britishly, with all those syllables). He says it doesn't do geography.
He then says the calculator can think faster than Jo can. "Mind you, so can a packet of fags." She says she can think. He asks if she's sure. She says, "I think so. There you are, I just did."
He has her compete against the calculator in figuring out seven nines. She uses an elaborate method and doesn't quite finish. Indicating the one on the table, he says, "The packet of fags has done it."
Chrissy comes in and says it's 63. Then she says, "You still messing about with that useless object?" He says, "No, I was just talking to her."
Chrissy gives him the word problem, "If three people have a one-year lease on their flat, which expires today, how much will their rent go up?" He gives the answer "Managua" (with all the syllables).
Now smoking, he tells her to leave him alone and let him play with his thing. She says he's burying his head in the sand and refusing to face facts. He says, "I have buried my head in the sand and I'm facing it. That is a fact."
French loaf: Downstairs, George is trying to get Oscar to say, "On board the good ship Venus." (See below.) Someone knocks and then Chrissy lets herself in. She's brought the rent. He tells her that her lease is due for renewal. She says she completely forgot.
He says the rent could go down, but not surprisingly he raises it, to another 25 a month. She says 5 bob isn't bad, but he means 25 pounds. (I'm confused, was he talking shillings or something?)
He says he and Mildred discussed it, and it's only right considering inflation.
George: I have been hit you know.
Chrissy: That's understandable.
Mildred comes in with groceries. She says that's the last time she travels in a Tube train with a French loaf. (French bread, which presumably was poking people.) She hands the bread to her husband.
George: What am I supposed to do with this, Mildred?
Mildred: I don't care, George, as long as you don't make crumbs.
George escorts Chrissy out before she can mention the lease to Mildred. Mildred scolds George for his manners.
He tells Mildred that he extended the kids' lease, for another 25 quid a month. If they don't feel like paying that, there are plenty of other people who would. She tears the newspaper he's reading and says, "I don't want other people. I want them, George. I like them." And he put up the rent last year.
She wants him to go up and tell them he's changed his mind. He says, "I am master in this house." She yanks him to his feet by his shirt.
Two halves: Later, the trio are in the lounge, and Robin does the maths of the rent increase. The girls say they were half expecting the increase. He says, "Right, so that's two halves, equals one."
Chrissy says, "How many times have I told you to stop playing with that thing?" He calculates that.
Jo has a thought. This worries Robin a little. Chrissy says, "Listen to it before you ignore it." Robin says something I don't catch in an American accent, as if imitating a specific person.
Jo thinks they should get a fourth person in to share the flat. Robin and Chrissy like the idea. Jo says she's not just a pretty face, a gorgeous figure, and a bubbly personality.
George knocks and comes in. He brought the rentbook back. He starts to talk about the rent, but when he hears about the fourth person to share, he really likes the idea. He leaves without offering to lower the rent.
Robin says of their new flatmate, "Do you think she should be a boy or a girl?"
Well done: Downstairs, Mildred scolds the bird and then when George comes in she says that the bird's first word can't be repeated. (I thought it spoke on an earlier episode. Oh well, it's not the only continuity issue with this episode.) George says, "Well done, Oscar."
George confusingly explains what he told the kids, making her think he didn't raise the rent.
Thingy: The trio continue their discussion of the new flatmate. Chrissy wonders where he or she would sleep. Robin says they could put a bunk bed in his room, or if it's a fellow, "he can kip on the settee."
Jo: We could get a convertible.
Chrissy: No, let's stick with a girl or a fellow.
(It seems like Chrissy makes most of the sex-change jokes. And Jo means a convertible settee, not a car.)
Robin thinks of someone and then pretends he hasn't.
Robin: (glancing at his wrist) Gosh, look at the time, the pubs are open.
Chrissy: You haven't got a watch on.
Robin: It's all right, it's not raining.
He dashes out.
Jo: Do you remember Thingy?
Chrissy: Oh yeah, six foot ten, black as coal, walked with a limp, parrot on hs shoulder.
Jo: No, not him, the other Thingy. Er, friend of David's. Everyone used to call him James. What was his name?
Chrissy: James?
Jo: Yes, him! Now, he was looking for a flat to share.
Chrissy: Do you know what his phone number is?
Jo: No, but I can phone him up and ask him what it is. (Chrissy looks perplexed.) David, silly girl.
It's not clear if this is the same David that Jo went out with in "Some Enchanted Evening," the shy Jewish fellow that Robin ended up cooking for.
Wong Ling: At the White Swan, George drinks at the bar as Percy polishes a glass.
George tries to give Percy a hypothetical situation about telling his wife something, but Percy isn't married. George explains so badly that Percy says, "You dirty devil! You've been at it." George says, "Well, it was practically offered to me. Well, everything else is going up, so why not?" He says it wasn't to be sneezed at. He says to imagine the position he's in. Percy says, "Well, if you're sneezing at it, I certainly can."
Robin comes in and Percy says, "Here's your friend," but George doesn't greet Robin, who goes to Linda's table.
Robin asks Linda if she's still having problems with her landlord, Wong Ling. She has to be out by the 2nd of the Year of the Grasshopper. She's not sure when that is. (It doesn't exist.)
He offers to share his flat. She asks what it's like, so he says there's a room fifty feet long with marble fountains and silken tapestries. "And that's just the bog" (bathroom).
She points out he's already sharing the flat with a couple girls. He says that's a strictly keep-your-hands-to-yourself situation, what's the word? She suggests boring. He says platonic.
Robin: They'd have to think we're the same, not that we need be.
Linda: How much a week?
Robin: Well, it depends how we feel.
Linda: Rent!
He gets out his calculator.
She says she'd like to look at the flat before she decides. He says she can come by this afternoon. He wants her to pretend they've never met, because the girls wouldn't let his girlfriend move in. Holding her hands in his, he says they've never met before. He kisses her hands. Then he says, "And we are total strangers." They kiss on the lips. Mr. Roper passes by and says, "Blimey!"
James: Jo enters her bathroom, followed by Chrissy and James. He says it's the smallest room in the house. Chrissy says, "Not quite. You haven't seen your room yet."
Chrissy says they'll try to avoid all being in the bath at the same time. Jo says, "Yes, in case the water overflows."
They go out to the kitchen. Chrissy points at the room she shares with Jo and says it's guarded by a force field that causes instant death to any man who crosses it without his trousers on.
He says it's a big kitchen. They go to the lounge and he says that's big, too, and spacious. She opens the door to Robin's room. James says he can see where they got the space from. This is shot in such a way that we can see a poster they can't, of a topless blonde.
Chrissy: You'd be sharing with Robin. He's awfully nice. You'd soon get to know him.
James: I don't see how I could avoid it.
She says he'd be out in the lounge most of the time. He says his feet would be.
He's seen one other flat, on Gloucester Terrace. It's just opposite the cemetery.
James: I was temped to move in there.
Jo: Don't you have to be dead?
James: The flat.
He says that flat was much better but the rent was twice as much as he could afford.
Robin comes home and Chrissy introduces him to James. She tells Robin that James can move in on Monday, so they've found their fourth. Robin says, "Oh, hell!" and we break for adverts.
John: The scene picks up where we left off. Robin says that was an "Oh, hell" of surprise.
Robin: It's nothing against you, Mr., er.
James: James Freeman. James.
Robin: Mr. James.
Robin wants a quick chat with the girls, so the three of them go into the kitchen.
Robin says, "I grant you, he doesn't look bent." He says he'd have to share a room with him. And James is very tall and it's a very small room. Also, he thinks that James could have garlic breath, maybe not right now, but he's just the type. "That's all we need, an enormously tall garlic-chewing pooft."
He says he's never known a John you could trust.
Chrissy: He said his name is James.
Robin: Well, yeah, that's just the sort of lie a John would come out with.
Ironically, James is played by John Flanagan. John F. was only 29 at the time of this episode but had already been typecast as policemen and detectives, so this probably made a nice change for him.
Robin thinks they should wait till somebody more suitable comes along. Chrissy says that if he's really concerned James might be bent, he could go ask.
The three of them return to the lounge. Robin calls James "John," so James corrects him. Robin sits next to James on the settee. Robin says, "Well, James, I'm given to understand you want to share my bedroom with me." James says that's right, but "frankly, I'd rather share theirs," meaning the girls'. Robin says this is a pity.
James: Why? Are you gay?
Robin: Of course I'm not!
Robin puts his hand on James's leg and asks, "Would it put you off the flat if I was?" Chrissy exclaims, "That's not fair! You're trying to convert him!"
James says Robin wouldn't be able to convert him. Leaning in, he tells Robin, "It's not that you're not attractive. I hope we can be friends." Dancing his fingers on Robin's knee, he says he's not gay.
Robin jumps to his feet. Then he grabs Jo and wants to prove he's not gay.
Chrissy tells James that the three of them will have a chat about this. James says he'll go get cigarettes from the machine on the corner. When he hears that there's no machine, he says he doesn't smoke. He exits.
Chrissy asks what Robin has against James. Robin says, "Nothing," but he still wants someone more suitable. He looks at Jo's watch.
Tweet tweet: At the Ropers', she's reading a fashion magazine with an Ocean Pacific advert. George comes home with a bouquet of flowers behind his back.
She tells him the budgie said the word twice. George says the budgie doesn't know what it means. She says she's not sure she does. George says, "Even if he did, he doesn't actually know how to do it." Budgies have very dull sex lives. She says, "Tweet tweet."
The word is obviously a verb. Beyond that, well, it's probably from the lyrics to the very bawdy song "The Good Ship Venus." It might be "bugger." But you can decide for yourself:
http://www.lyricsmania.com/good_ship_venus_lyrics_loudon_wainwright_iii.html
George tells Mildred that he's done something she might not like. Then he gives her the flowers. She says, "Of course I like it." He says he's done something else. Then he gives her a box of chocolates. She's touched, but then suspicious.
He hesitates and then tells her he likes how she's done her hair. She's flattered and then again suspicious. He gets very nervous.
Avon: Chrissy tells Robin he's being unreasonable. He says he doesn't want to share with a man who goes around pretending to be a pooft when he isn't, since that's dishonest.
Someone knocks. Robin answers and it's Linda. He says, "Good afternoon, Madame." Chrissy asks who it is. He says he doesn't know, maybe a Jehovah's Witness or an Avon Lady, could be both. He brings Linda in.
Linda says she heard they were looking for a fourth to share. Chrissy asks how Linda heard since they didn't advertise. Robin says she probably heard him muttering about it in public. Chrissy asks if he muttered their address as well.
Linda calls him Robin, so he says he muttered his name, too. When he refers to Linda by name, Chrissy says, "Linda? Linda mutters as well?"
Jo enters from the kitchen and Chrissy introduces her to Linda. She tells Jo that Robin and Linda mutter together. Jo says they were doing a lot more than that in the back row of some place I don't catch the name of, but presumably the cinema.
Robin cries to Linda, "It was you!" Then he admits that this is his girlfriend.
James returns and Chrissy has him sit down. The trio go back to the kitchen for another chat.
Chrissy says Robin must think they're daft. He denies it, then indicating Jo, "Well, she is a bit, but not you."
Chrissy says, "You'd like that, wouldn't you? Your girlfriend on tap, like gas or electricity. When you're in the mood, shove a bob in." He exclaims, "Chrissy!"
He promises he won't get involved with Linda if she lives there. "Cross my heart, hope to die in a cellar full of rats." Then he admits he's lying.
Chrissy: It wouldn't work, so let's have James.
Jo: Oh, yes, he's lovely.
Robin thinks Jo is after it, meaning sex with James.
Complaints: James says to Linda, "So you're after it as well? The flat." She tells him about her terrible Chinese landlord. You pay him the rent and then an hour later you feel like paying him again. (I think her landlord was only made Chinese for this joke and the one about the Year of the Grasshopper.)
He says his flat is being pulled down by the Council. They're building a multi-story Complaints Department for Rate-Payers.
She asks how you can find an empty flat in London these days. He says, "Murder," meaning it's murder trying to find one. She says, "Yes, that's one way."
He tells her he saw a place in Gloucester Terrace, enormous.
Linda: The flat?
James: The rent.
Rock: Downstairs, Mildred puts on romantic music and sits on the arm of George's chair, while he's reading the newspaper again. She asks, "George, can I press you to a soft centre?", possibly meaning the chocolates. He says they stick to his plate, meaning his dental plate. He had to use a Brillo pad last time.
She tells him to not spoil the mood. She puts her hand inside his shirt and says his heart is fluttering like a little bird. He tells her they shouldn't in the middle of the afternoon. It's not decent.
Not giving up, she tells him that in a certain light, he looks like Rock Hudson, which is of course deeply ironic in hindsight. (Rock died nine years after this episode, coming out shortly before that.) George tells her she does, too, then has to correct this to her looking like a film star. She asks which one, so he says the one they saw on the telly recently, the one that died of drink and drugs. (This is sadly ironic in light of Yootha Joyce's death, which I'll talk about in my very last post.)
Mildred tells George to make the most of her while she's in a good mood. Then he says there is something he's been trying to raise. He admits that he may have inadvertently given her the impression he hadn't put the rent up.
She angrily turns the music off. He tells her, "Keep tickling me, Mildred," and puts her hand back on his chest. She says, "You take your chest off me!"
On her feet, she says he deliberately disobeyed her and lied about it. He gets to his feet, too, and demands, "What are you gonna do about it?"
Gloucester: Upstairs, Robin tosses a coin, saying the girls have to abide by it. But when the coin picks James, Robin doesn't want to abide by it.
James and Linda can hear the trio quarreling and they get to their feet.
Jo says James and Linda can both move in. She picks up the calculator and talks about the maths, then asks, "How do you turn this on?"
Linda tells the trio that she and James have changed their minds. Neither of them wants to move in if it'll cause quarrels. Jo says it won't, and Chrissy says it will.
Linda and James are going to share the flat in Gloucester Terrace. She tells Robin it'll be platonic, like his situation. He says, "But those two are are far more strong-willed than you are." She's of course insulted.
James and Linda start to leave.
Robin: That's my girlfriend!
James: Yes, I know. But look on the bright side. It may cure me.
He blows Robin a kiss, then he and Linda exit.
Jo says they'll have to advertise for the flatmate. Chrissy says, "We can't do that. We'll get all sorts of weirdos applying."
Someone knocks and Chrissy answers. George is standing there with his toothbrush, and the budgie in its cage.
George: I believe you're looking for a fourth to share.
Chrissy: See what I mean.
And the episode ends. I'd have omitted the last line or two and let the audience work it out.
Commentary: It's not the Rock Hudson reference that most dates this episode, or the cost of the rent. It's Robin being obsessed with a frigging calculator! Yes, in 1976 I was amazed by calculators, too, but in my defense I was 8 years old. The mid-'70s was a time of incredible technological advances (computers had already shrunk from room-size although not yet to television-size), but things do look awfully primitive 35 years later. And I know Jo is meant to meant to be dippy, but can she really not multiply seven times nine?
I like the dottiness of her Thingy exchange with Chrissy, who tries to keep up with her. The other Thingy sounds like a pirate.
By this point, I've lost track of their various leases. They did have the three-year lease elapse in "We Shall Not Be Moved," which aired in November 1974, sixteen months ago. Maybe these winter/spring '76 episodes are supposed to be set a few months earlier, which would make the chronology a bit smoother in "The Party's Over."
As on that episode, George claims that he's discussed something with Mildred and she agrees with him, when of course he's scared of her finding out. This episode makes clear that the "obey" in their vows applied to him, not her. I'd feel sorry for him being henpecked, but as always there's the impression he deserves it for being mean in both senses. Also, it's weird watching this episode after "The Party's Over," because Percy suspects George of cheating on Mildred, which George sort of did. And although Mildred is suspicious of George's gifts and compliments, no mention is made of Mrs. Hollins, as if they've already moved on from that incident.
Even stranger is that Linda and the girls have no memory of meeting each other before. Robin is right that his flatmates, Chrissy in particular, would disapprove of him moving his girlfriend in. One way this influenced 3'sC is that during the episode where Amer-Linda temporarily moves in while Janet's away (contract dispute), Jack has to be platonic with Linda, even though this is after the pregnancy scare episode.
It is odd that after all the initial fuss over Robin moving in with two girls, and briefly pretending to be gay, Mr. Roper doesn't give a damn that either Robin is going to be living with three girls, or there will be two girls and two fellows in the flat. All he cares about at this point is the money. Had British society, or at least television, liberalised that much in 2 1/2 years? Or maybe the interval with Larry staying in the flat till he moved into the attic made George OK with a two-man-two-woman living situtation. Now Robin briefly pretends to be gay in order to keep James from moving in, only to have it backfire on him.
I like James. He's cute and witty and he just rolls with whatever the trio throw at him, and yet he wins in the end, getting the better flat, and a nice roommate like Linda. I don't know if they stay platonic, but the fact that neither of them returns to the show suggests they lived happily ever after, at least for awhile.
The other influence this episode had on 3'sC is part of the resolution of the episode "Chrissy's Cousin," where the title character (Jenilee Harrison's Cindy Snow) moves into the apartment. Using astrology, she convinces Jack's girlfriend and Janet's boyfriend to move into a vacant apartment together, although Jack and Janet had each hoped his/her sweetie would move in. That episode is so different from this one though, even more than "Three's Christmas" and "While The Cat's Away," that it's not worth doing an in-depth comparison.
Calculating: Jo is drying dishes in the kitchen, as Robin sits at the table and plays with his new calculator. He does the square root of 123. Jo doesn't know what a square root is.
He says the calculator can answer any question, so she asks the capital of Nicaragua (pronounced Britishly, with all those syllables). He says it doesn't do geography.
He then says the calculator can think faster than Jo can. "Mind you, so can a packet of fags." She says she can think. He asks if she's sure. She says, "I think so. There you are, I just did."
He has her compete against the calculator in figuring out seven nines. She uses an elaborate method and doesn't quite finish. Indicating the one on the table, he says, "The packet of fags has done it."
Chrissy comes in and says it's 63. Then she says, "You still messing about with that useless object?" He says, "No, I was just talking to her."
Chrissy gives him the word problem, "If three people have a one-year lease on their flat, which expires today, how much will their rent go up?" He gives the answer "Managua" (with all the syllables).
Now smoking, he tells her to leave him alone and let him play with his thing. She says he's burying his head in the sand and refusing to face facts. He says, "I have buried my head in the sand and I'm facing it. That is a fact."
French loaf: Downstairs, George is trying to get Oscar to say, "On board the good ship Venus." (See below.) Someone knocks and then Chrissy lets herself in. She's brought the rent. He tells her that her lease is due for renewal. She says she completely forgot.
He says the rent could go down, but not surprisingly he raises it, to another 25 a month. She says 5 bob isn't bad, but he means 25 pounds. (I'm confused, was he talking shillings or something?)
He says he and Mildred discussed it, and it's only right considering inflation.
George: I have been hit you know.
Chrissy: That's understandable.
Mildred comes in with groceries. She says that's the last time she travels in a Tube train with a French loaf. (French bread, which presumably was poking people.) She hands the bread to her husband.
George: What am I supposed to do with this, Mildred?
Mildred: I don't care, George, as long as you don't make crumbs.
George escorts Chrissy out before she can mention the lease to Mildred. Mildred scolds George for his manners.
He tells Mildred that he extended the kids' lease, for another 25 quid a month. If they don't feel like paying that, there are plenty of other people who would. She tears the newspaper he's reading and says, "I don't want other people. I want them, George. I like them." And he put up the rent last year.
She wants him to go up and tell them he's changed his mind. He says, "I am master in this house." She yanks him to his feet by his shirt.
Two halves: Later, the trio are in the lounge, and Robin does the maths of the rent increase. The girls say they were half expecting the increase. He says, "Right, so that's two halves, equals one."
Chrissy says, "How many times have I told you to stop playing with that thing?" He calculates that.
Jo has a thought. This worries Robin a little. Chrissy says, "Listen to it before you ignore it." Robin says something I don't catch in an American accent, as if imitating a specific person.
Jo thinks they should get a fourth person in to share the flat. Robin and Chrissy like the idea. Jo says she's not just a pretty face, a gorgeous figure, and a bubbly personality.
George knocks and comes in. He brought the rentbook back. He starts to talk about the rent, but when he hears about the fourth person to share, he really likes the idea. He leaves without offering to lower the rent.
Robin says of their new flatmate, "Do you think she should be a boy or a girl?"
Well done: Downstairs, Mildred scolds the bird and then when George comes in she says that the bird's first word can't be repeated. (I thought it spoke on an earlier episode. Oh well, it's not the only continuity issue with this episode.) George says, "Well done, Oscar."
George confusingly explains what he told the kids, making her think he didn't raise the rent.
Thingy: The trio continue their discussion of the new flatmate. Chrissy wonders where he or she would sleep. Robin says they could put a bunk bed in his room, or if it's a fellow, "he can kip on the settee."
Jo: We could get a convertible.
Chrissy: No, let's stick with a girl or a fellow.
(It seems like Chrissy makes most of the sex-change jokes. And Jo means a convertible settee, not a car.)
Robin thinks of someone and then pretends he hasn't.
Robin: (glancing at his wrist) Gosh, look at the time, the pubs are open.
Chrissy: You haven't got a watch on.
Robin: It's all right, it's not raining.
He dashes out.
Jo: Do you remember Thingy?
Chrissy: Oh yeah, six foot ten, black as coal, walked with a limp, parrot on hs shoulder.
Jo: No, not him, the other Thingy. Er, friend of David's. Everyone used to call him James. What was his name?
Chrissy: James?
Jo: Yes, him! Now, he was looking for a flat to share.
Chrissy: Do you know what his phone number is?
Jo: No, but I can phone him up and ask him what it is. (Chrissy looks perplexed.) David, silly girl.
It's not clear if this is the same David that Jo went out with in "Some Enchanted Evening," the shy Jewish fellow that Robin ended up cooking for.
Wong Ling: At the White Swan, George drinks at the bar as Percy polishes a glass.
George tries to give Percy a hypothetical situation about telling his wife something, but Percy isn't married. George explains so badly that Percy says, "You dirty devil! You've been at it." George says, "Well, it was practically offered to me. Well, everything else is going up, so why not?" He says it wasn't to be sneezed at. He says to imagine the position he's in. Percy says, "Well, if you're sneezing at it, I certainly can."
Robin comes in and Percy says, "Here's your friend," but George doesn't greet Robin, who goes to Linda's table.
Robin asks Linda if she's still having problems with her landlord, Wong Ling. She has to be out by the 2nd of the Year of the Grasshopper. She's not sure when that is. (It doesn't exist.)
He offers to share his flat. She asks what it's like, so he says there's a room fifty feet long with marble fountains and silken tapestries. "And that's just the bog" (bathroom).
She points out he's already sharing the flat with a couple girls. He says that's a strictly keep-your-hands-to-yourself situation, what's the word? She suggests boring. He says platonic.
Robin: They'd have to think we're the same, not that we need be.
Linda: How much a week?
Robin: Well, it depends how we feel.
Linda: Rent!
He gets out his calculator.
She says she'd like to look at the flat before she decides. He says she can come by this afternoon. He wants her to pretend they've never met, because the girls wouldn't let his girlfriend move in. Holding her hands in his, he says they've never met before. He kisses her hands. Then he says, "And we are total strangers." They kiss on the lips. Mr. Roper passes by and says, "Blimey!"
James: Jo enters her bathroom, followed by Chrissy and James. He says it's the smallest room in the house. Chrissy says, "Not quite. You haven't seen your room yet."
Chrissy says they'll try to avoid all being in the bath at the same time. Jo says, "Yes, in case the water overflows."
They go out to the kitchen. Chrissy points at the room she shares with Jo and says it's guarded by a force field that causes instant death to any man who crosses it without his trousers on.
He says it's a big kitchen. They go to the lounge and he says that's big, too, and spacious. She opens the door to Robin's room. James says he can see where they got the space from. This is shot in such a way that we can see a poster they can't, of a topless blonde.
Chrissy: You'd be sharing with Robin. He's awfully nice. You'd soon get to know him.
James: I don't see how I could avoid it.
She says he'd be out in the lounge most of the time. He says his feet would be.
He's seen one other flat, on Gloucester Terrace. It's just opposite the cemetery.
James: I was temped to move in there.
Jo: Don't you have to be dead?
James: The flat.
He says that flat was much better but the rent was twice as much as he could afford.
Robin comes home and Chrissy introduces him to James. She tells Robin that James can move in on Monday, so they've found their fourth. Robin says, "Oh, hell!" and we break for adverts.
John: The scene picks up where we left off. Robin says that was an "Oh, hell" of surprise.
Robin: It's nothing against you, Mr., er.
James: James Freeman. James.
Robin: Mr. James.
Robin wants a quick chat with the girls, so the three of them go into the kitchen.
Robin says, "I grant you, he doesn't look bent." He says he'd have to share a room with him. And James is very tall and it's a very small room. Also, he thinks that James could have garlic breath, maybe not right now, but he's just the type. "That's all we need, an enormously tall garlic-chewing pooft."
He says he's never known a John you could trust.
Chrissy: He said his name is James.
Robin: Well, yeah, that's just the sort of lie a John would come out with.
Ironically, James is played by John Flanagan. John F. was only 29 at the time of this episode but had already been typecast as policemen and detectives, so this probably made a nice change for him.
Robin thinks they should wait till somebody more suitable comes along. Chrissy says that if he's really concerned James might be bent, he could go ask.
The three of them return to the lounge. Robin calls James "John," so James corrects him. Robin sits next to James on the settee. Robin says, "Well, James, I'm given to understand you want to share my bedroom with me." James says that's right, but "frankly, I'd rather share theirs," meaning the girls'. Robin says this is a pity.
James: Why? Are you gay?
Robin: Of course I'm not!
Robin puts his hand on James's leg and asks, "Would it put you off the flat if I was?" Chrissy exclaims, "That's not fair! You're trying to convert him!"
James says Robin wouldn't be able to convert him. Leaning in, he tells Robin, "It's not that you're not attractive. I hope we can be friends." Dancing his fingers on Robin's knee, he says he's not gay.
Robin jumps to his feet. Then he grabs Jo and wants to prove he's not gay.
Chrissy tells James that the three of them will have a chat about this. James says he'll go get cigarettes from the machine on the corner. When he hears that there's no machine, he says he doesn't smoke. He exits.
Chrissy asks what Robin has against James. Robin says, "Nothing," but he still wants someone more suitable. He looks at Jo's watch.
Tweet tweet: At the Ropers', she's reading a fashion magazine with an Ocean Pacific advert. George comes home with a bouquet of flowers behind his back.
She tells him the budgie said the word twice. George says the budgie doesn't know what it means. She says she's not sure she does. George says, "Even if he did, he doesn't actually know how to do it." Budgies have very dull sex lives. She says, "Tweet tweet."
The word is obviously a verb. Beyond that, well, it's probably from the lyrics to the very bawdy song "The Good Ship Venus." It might be "bugger." But you can decide for yourself:
http://www.lyricsmania.com/good_ship_venus_lyrics_loudon_wainwright_iii.html
George tells Mildred that he's done something she might not like. Then he gives her the flowers. She says, "Of course I like it." He says he's done something else. Then he gives her a box of chocolates. She's touched, but then suspicious.
He hesitates and then tells her he likes how she's done her hair. She's flattered and then again suspicious. He gets very nervous.
Avon: Chrissy tells Robin he's being unreasonable. He says he doesn't want to share with a man who goes around pretending to be a pooft when he isn't, since that's dishonest.
Someone knocks. Robin answers and it's Linda. He says, "Good afternoon, Madame." Chrissy asks who it is. He says he doesn't know, maybe a Jehovah's Witness or an Avon Lady, could be both. He brings Linda in.
Linda says she heard they were looking for a fourth to share. Chrissy asks how Linda heard since they didn't advertise. Robin says she probably heard him muttering about it in public. Chrissy asks if he muttered their address as well.
Linda calls him Robin, so he says he muttered his name, too. When he refers to Linda by name, Chrissy says, "Linda? Linda mutters as well?"
Jo enters from the kitchen and Chrissy introduces her to Linda. She tells Jo that Robin and Linda mutter together. Jo says they were doing a lot more than that in the back row of some place I don't catch the name of, but presumably the cinema.
Robin cries to Linda, "It was you!" Then he admits that this is his girlfriend.
James returns and Chrissy has him sit down. The trio go back to the kitchen for another chat.
Chrissy says Robin must think they're daft. He denies it, then indicating Jo, "Well, she is a bit, but not you."
Chrissy says, "You'd like that, wouldn't you? Your girlfriend on tap, like gas or electricity. When you're in the mood, shove a bob in." He exclaims, "Chrissy!"
He promises he won't get involved with Linda if she lives there. "Cross my heart, hope to die in a cellar full of rats." Then he admits he's lying.
Chrissy: It wouldn't work, so let's have James.
Jo: Oh, yes, he's lovely.
Robin thinks Jo is after it, meaning sex with James.
Complaints: James says to Linda, "So you're after it as well? The flat." She tells him about her terrible Chinese landlord. You pay him the rent and then an hour later you feel like paying him again. (I think her landlord was only made Chinese for this joke and the one about the Year of the Grasshopper.)
He says his flat is being pulled down by the Council. They're building a multi-story Complaints Department for Rate-Payers.
She asks how you can find an empty flat in London these days. He says, "Murder," meaning it's murder trying to find one. She says, "Yes, that's one way."
He tells her he saw a place in Gloucester Terrace, enormous.
Linda: The flat?
James: The rent.
Rock: Downstairs, Mildred puts on romantic music and sits on the arm of George's chair, while he's reading the newspaper again. She asks, "George, can I press you to a soft centre?", possibly meaning the chocolates. He says they stick to his plate, meaning his dental plate. He had to use a Brillo pad last time.
She tells him to not spoil the mood. She puts her hand inside his shirt and says his heart is fluttering like a little bird. He tells her they shouldn't in the middle of the afternoon. It's not decent.
Not giving up, she tells him that in a certain light, he looks like Rock Hudson, which is of course deeply ironic in hindsight. (Rock died nine years after this episode, coming out shortly before that.) George tells her she does, too, then has to correct this to her looking like a film star. She asks which one, so he says the one they saw on the telly recently, the one that died of drink and drugs. (This is sadly ironic in light of Yootha Joyce's death, which I'll talk about in my very last post.)
Mildred tells George to make the most of her while she's in a good mood. Then he says there is something he's been trying to raise. He admits that he may have inadvertently given her the impression he hadn't put the rent up.
She angrily turns the music off. He tells her, "Keep tickling me, Mildred," and puts her hand back on his chest. She says, "You take your chest off me!"
On her feet, she says he deliberately disobeyed her and lied about it. He gets to his feet, too, and demands, "What are you gonna do about it?"
Gloucester: Upstairs, Robin tosses a coin, saying the girls have to abide by it. But when the coin picks James, Robin doesn't want to abide by it.
James and Linda can hear the trio quarreling and they get to their feet.
Jo says James and Linda can both move in. She picks up the calculator and talks about the maths, then asks, "How do you turn this on?"
Linda tells the trio that she and James have changed their minds. Neither of them wants to move in if it'll cause quarrels. Jo says it won't, and Chrissy says it will.
Linda and James are going to share the flat in Gloucester Terrace. She tells Robin it'll be platonic, like his situation. He says, "But those two are are far more strong-willed than you are." She's of course insulted.
James and Linda start to leave.
Robin: That's my girlfriend!
James: Yes, I know. But look on the bright side. It may cure me.
He blows Robin a kiss, then he and Linda exit.
Jo says they'll have to advertise for the flatmate. Chrissy says, "We can't do that. We'll get all sorts of weirdos applying."
Someone knocks and Chrissy answers. George is standing there with his toothbrush, and the budgie in its cage.
George: I believe you're looking for a fourth to share.
Chrissy: See what I mean.
And the episode ends. I'd have omitted the last line or two and let the audience work it out.
Commentary: It's not the Rock Hudson reference that most dates this episode, or the cost of the rent. It's Robin being obsessed with a frigging calculator! Yes, in 1976 I was amazed by calculators, too, but in my defense I was 8 years old. The mid-'70s was a time of incredible technological advances (computers had already shrunk from room-size although not yet to television-size), but things do look awfully primitive 35 years later. And I know Jo is meant to meant to be dippy, but can she really not multiply seven times nine?
I like the dottiness of her Thingy exchange with Chrissy, who tries to keep up with her. The other Thingy sounds like a pirate.
By this point, I've lost track of their various leases. They did have the three-year lease elapse in "We Shall Not Be Moved," which aired in November 1974, sixteen months ago. Maybe these winter/spring '76 episodes are supposed to be set a few months earlier, which would make the chronology a bit smoother in "The Party's Over."
As on that episode, George claims that he's discussed something with Mildred and she agrees with him, when of course he's scared of her finding out. This episode makes clear that the "obey" in their vows applied to him, not her. I'd feel sorry for him being henpecked, but as always there's the impression he deserves it for being mean in both senses. Also, it's weird watching this episode after "The Party's Over," because Percy suspects George of cheating on Mildred, which George sort of did. And although Mildred is suspicious of George's gifts and compliments, no mention is made of Mrs. Hollins, as if they've already moved on from that incident.
Even stranger is that Linda and the girls have no memory of meeting each other before. Robin is right that his flatmates, Chrissy in particular, would disapprove of him moving his girlfriend in. One way this influenced 3'sC is that during the episode where Amer-Linda temporarily moves in while Janet's away (contract dispute), Jack has to be platonic with Linda, even though this is after the pregnancy scare episode.
It is odd that after all the initial fuss over Robin moving in with two girls, and briefly pretending to be gay, Mr. Roper doesn't give a damn that either Robin is going to be living with three girls, or there will be two girls and two fellows in the flat. All he cares about at this point is the money. Had British society, or at least television, liberalised that much in 2 1/2 years? Or maybe the interval with Larry staying in the flat till he moved into the attic made George OK with a two-man-two-woman living situtation. Now Robin briefly pretends to be gay in order to keep James from moving in, only to have it backfire on him.
I like James. He's cute and witty and he just rolls with whatever the trio throw at him, and yet he wins in the end, getting the better flat, and a nice roommate like Linda. I don't know if they stay platonic, but the fact that neither of them returns to the show suggests they lived happily ever after, at least for awhile.
The other influence this episode had on 3'sC is part of the resolution of the episode "Chrissy's Cousin," where the title character (Jenilee Harrison's Cindy Snow) moves into the apartment. Using astrology, she convinces Jack's girlfriend and Janet's boyfriend to move into a vacant apartment together, although Jack and Janet had each hoped his/her sweetie would move in. That episode is so different from this one though, even more than "Three's Christmas" and "While The Cat's Away," that it's not worth doing an in-depth comparison.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
"The Party's Over"
As I predicted, the sixth series of Man About the House gets modified credits from the fifth. The trio are out on the boat, but Robin is steering with Chrissy next to him, as Jo suns herself. Robin pours two glasses of champagne and hands one to Jo behind him. Jo sips from her glass. Robin drinks from the bottle.
Jo puts on suntan lotion. Chrissy steers and the ride is bumpy, so the lotion bottle falls over and pours into Chrissy's glass. Chrissy takes a long sip, smiling, until she tastes the lotion.
Jo drinks the rest of her champagne, then tosses the glass. It hits the diver on the head. She puts her hands to her cheeks as she laughs.
There's a random swan.
The fisherman throws his cigarette, which falls down Robin's shirt. Chrissy tries to steer as Robin tries to get the cigarette. He takes it out of his navel, looks at it, and then throws it away in disgust.
Except for the credits in the first two series, it's kind of weird that we see the trio with a car and a boat, when on the show they're always scrambling for money. I will say I like these final series credits better than the ones for the penultimate series, since they feel more in character.
Ah, yes, the final series. We're coming towards the end. And how does the beginning of the end begin? Like Chrissy's steering, a bit bumpy. Not that MatH33 is bad. It's actually much better written than the American counterpart. It's just got some oddities, one of which is obvious right from the start, and the other is in the final moments.
But first up, some broadcasting information. "The Party's Over" aired 25 February 1976. NRW adapted it, as they so often did, and this time kept the title. 3'sC43 hit number one on Dec. 5, 1978. The third season of Three's Company began the drift away from verbal humor and towards more slapstick, so perhaps it's not surprising that there are only two MatH-based episodes. "The Best Laid Plans" is the other one. Even the episode where the kids think Helen is having an affair with Stanley's buddy Jerry is not based on a British plot. As for how this episode was Americanized, well, let us proceed.
Fracas: MatH opens at the White Swan. A young man with shoulder-length, shaggy brown hair takes a drink to a girl with similiar hair. An older couple come in, and the man goes to the bar, where Robin has several boxes in front of him. Robin has a new haircut that's very flattering, and I realize how he's gradually become less scruffy over time, with shorter sideboards, too. But then we are moving further away from the '60s.
Robin, smoking, does an inventory of the food and alcohol he's getting. He says, "We don't want a lot of booze 'cause Jo's not with us this with weekend." First of all, does Jo drink much? And secondly, where the heck is Jo? I'll say right now, she never shows up in the episode, and days pass. There's no explanation of where she's gone. We know she's still in the series, because she's in the opening credits, and she's mentioned in the synopsis for the next episode. Was Sally T. out sick? In contract dispute? (Joyce DeWitt missed one episode of 3'sC for that reason, so Linda got an extra episode.) In any case, you'll notice that some of the lines, the Larry ones especially, sound like they were originally for Jo.
Percy the barman: Why don't I just inform the shareholders that you're gonna make a takeover bid for the brewery?
Robin: We're just having a couple people round tonight.
Percy: Oh, really? W.C. Fields and Dean Martin?
Robin laughs and says it's just a party.
Robin: Oh, listen, what are those bacon-flavoured things called?
Percy: Pigs!
Robin means some kind of snack, and he wants a half dozen packets.
The old man taps a coin impatiently on a bottle.
Percy: Your last party, didn't you have an awful little fracas?
Robin: Yes, but we're not inviting him this time.
Mr. Roper kept coming up about something, but Robin couldn't hear him through all the noise.
The old man taps again.
Percy says, "Mr. Roper's not my favourite man. He's mean," in the sense of stingy. Robin says Mr. Roper never stands a round, in the sense of buying a round of drinks. Percy says Mr. Roper stands around till someone buys him a drink, and then he goes.
The old man taps yet again. Percy exclaims, "All right, I shall be with you in a moment! Customers, they think they're here to be waited on." Robin laughs.
Rings a bell: 3'sC skips acquiring the booze and snacks, instead opening with Jack just outside the apartment, carying a sixpack in each hand and a box in his arms. He knocks and calls to Chrissy and Janet. He rings the doorbell with his nose, and his nose gets caught.
Chrissy answers the door and is amused. She calls Janet over, and Janet laughs, too. Janet pushes Jack's nose out. The three roommates go inside.
Olé: In the Brit-trio's kitchen, Chrissy is working on the hors d'oeuvres, while Larry, smoking, makes sandwiches. She tells him to butter the bread more quietly, because they don't want the Ropers to hear. He says, "They're bound to hear as soon as they start dancing. Not the sandwiches, the people."
She says it'll be a very quiet party, with no dancing, singing, or loud conversation. With a leer, he says, "That leaves one thing, and that can be pretty noisy." She doesn't get it and says, "Drinking?"
He comes over and looks at her snacks. He asks about the two sticks in one sausage. She says it's a Spanish fighting sausage, and adds an "Olé."
Robin comes home with one of the boxes and calls to Chrissy and Larry for help. They come in from the kitchen. She says some people can't carry their liquor.
Jack asks his roommates for help. Chrissy says, "I always said you couldn't hold your liquor, Jack." The Amer-girls take the box, as he drops the sixpacks on top.
Jack says his arms have grown six inches. Chrissy says, "Better than if they grew a foot." The girls laugh.
Robin says there are more boxes in the hallway, and Jack says there are more downstairs. Brit-Chrissy/Janet hopes Mr. Roper didn't see him. Jack says he learned camouflage and stalking when he was a Boy Scout. Amer-Chrissy asks if he got any merit badges. "No, but I got a couple of Camp Fire Girls." He laughs big and stagily. He trips on his way to the door but says it's an old Boy Scout trick.
Brit-Larry says that there are 38 1/2 people coming, since he sort of half invited one of them. He also says that Mr. Roper is bound to know they're having a party. Robin says it'll be too late then.
The Amer-girls carry the box into the kitchen. Chrissy says Mr. Roper is bound to find out. Janet says he won't till tonight and then it'll be too late.
Chrissy feels guilty. (She tends to have a guiltier conscience than the other two, probably due to growing up as a minister's daughter.) Janet says this is their first party in over a year. Their friends have been asking them to parties, and if they don't invite them back, they won't have any friends left. Their social life will dwindle down to nothing, and they'll be living like nuns. Chrissy cracks, "Would that make Jack a monk?"
Bulk: In the entryway, George goes through the bottles, mispronouncing the French names, like "Chah-bliss." Robin sees him and says that the bottles are for the three of them. It's bulk-buying. Although Robin tries to discourage him, George offers to help him, by carrying up one bottle.
Jack sneaks down the stairs and grabs a box. Stanley emerges from his apartment and startles Jack. Stanley says there's enough wine for a whole party. Jack says it's cooking wine. "What are you cooking, an elephant?" Jack laughs exaggeratedly. Stanley is more helpful than George, taking up two bottles.
Riot and hooliganism: Brit-Chrissy looks at the sandwiches, cheese & lettuce and ham. Larry asks where to put the one with pilchards (sardines), bananas, and peanut butter. She says out the window. He takes a bite.
Amer-Chrissy asks if they have any of those bacon-flavored things. Janet says, "Pigs?
Robin tries to discourage George from coming into the flat, but George gets the door.
Offscreen, Jack loudly says, "Don't come into the kitchen, Mr. Roper." The girls hide some of the food.
George says it looks like they've been bulk-buying sausages and sandwiches as well. Robin says it's on the off chance that someone might drop in, "like you." Larry offers George a sandwich. George takes a bite. "You don't fool me, you three are having a--" He chokes on the sandwich. Chrissy tells him the contents. He puts the rest of the sandwich back.
Stanley asks what the food is for. Jack says it's for eating. Stanley says the food can't just be for the three of them. Jack stuffs his face with potato chips. Stanley asks if Jack is trying to be funny. With his mouth full, Jack says, "Perish the thought."
Brit-Chrissy/Janet admits that they're throwing a party. She says there were going to invite the Ropers. Robin says, "Were we? Yes, we were."
Janet asks Amer-Chrissy, "Did you forget to call?" With big eyes, Chrissy says Jack was supposed to. Trying to escort Stanley out, Jack says he was just about to call. "Go downstairs and you'll be just in time to answer your phone."
George: I told you after the last one, no more parties.
Stanley: Remember what I told you after the last party, no more parties.
Robin asks if this is because of what that chap did in Mr. Roper's windowbox. George says it was partly that and partly what the couples did on the stairs. "It marked the carpet you know. It won't come out."
Larry says it was only high spirits. George says, "High spirits? It used to be called hooliganism before the middle classes took it up."
Jack admits it got a little noisy. Stanley says it was a riot, and it woke him up. "You know what it takes to wake me up? Just ask Mrs. Roper." Then he thinks better of it.
George/Stanley insists on no parties, Stanley adding, "That's an order from your landlord," and exits.
Brit-Chrissy asks why Robin brought Mr. Roper up. "I didn't, he just followed me."
Robin/Jack says they'll appeal to a higher court. Brit-Chrissy/Janet guesses he means Mrs. Roper.
Robin asks who's going to do it. Brit-Chrissy gives him a look. Jack asks, "Which one of us is gonna do it, you or Chrissy?" Amer-Chrissy definitely doesn't want to. However.
Feathers: Stanley comes home, but George is already there, talking to Oscar. Stanley says, "Dumb kids," and the parakeet imitates him. Stanley smiles and goes over to the bird. He calls it a good bird, a smart bird. George/Stanley says he and the bird don't like noisy parties, which make their feathers fall out. Stanley tells the parakeet to play with its little toy-toy. And he tries to get it to say Stanley, once again.
Someone knocks and Mr. Roper goes to answer it, Stanley telling the bird, "Excuse me." It's the Chrissys, who want to talk to Mrs. Roper.
George says Brit-Chrissy is trying to go over his head behind his back. He discussed the party with her and she's in full agreement with the stand he's taking. Chrissy still wants to speak to her. He says Mildred is lying down. Chrissy says, "When she wakes up."
Stanley invites Amer-Chrissy in before he realizes and says he's on to her.
George says, "You're wasting your time. Mildred agrees with me." The front door opens and Mildred is back from the shops. He says she would've agreed with him if she'd been here. She denies that. The three of them go into the Ropers' flat.
As the door opens on Helen with her purse and a bag of groceries, Stanley says, "I said it's not gonna do you any good. There's only one boss around here." Helen comes in and says, "It's not nice to talk about me behind my back." Amer-Chrissy smiles.
The Chrissys tell Mrs. Roper that there's a party tonight and she's invited. Mrs. Roper is delighted. When Mr. Roper objects, his wife asks if that's his final word. He says yes, so she says, "Good. Then we won't hear any more from you." The American audience applauds.
Brit-Chrissy says it'll be about 8. George tries to protest. Mildred growls, "Down, George!" When Chrissy leaves, Mildred says, "See you later, Love." Chrissy says, "Bye and thanks."
Helen says she'd love to come and thanks for the invitation. Amer-Chrissy leaves.
Mildred says she'll allow George a five-minute sulk. Helen says it's just a little party.
George: Mildred, may I remind you that the wedding service said, "Love, honour, and obey"? Obey. It did not say, "Love, honour, and make me look like a berk."
Mildred: (holding a zucchini and four bananas) It also said, "With my body, I thee worship." There has been precious little worship going on round here!
Stanley: Our wedding service said, "Love, honor, and obey." It didn't say, "Love, honor, and make Stanley look like a jerk."
Helen: That's because God had already taken care of that part.
Holding his thumb and forefinger an inch apart, George says, "I feel about that big." The audience laughs a lot. Mildred says, "I'm not giving you an argument, George." He says he lost face in front of the tenants.
George: They've been laughing at me up there.
Mildred: (laughing) And at 8 o'clock, I'll be joining them.
Stanley: You're making me look foolish in front of the kids. They're gonna be upstairs laughing at me.
Helen: And at 8 o'clock, I'll join them.
Stanley: No, you won't. You'll be downstairs, in the bedroom with me.
Helen: What's the difference where I laugh?
Rollers: In the lounge upstairs, Larry is polishing a glass as Chrissy looks through the albums. She sees Frank Sinatra (obviously not hers), Elton John, the Stones, and a talk-along with Telly Savalas. Larry asks about his Bay City Rollers LP. She says it's broken. He asks who did it. She says she doesn't know, but the world is full of music lovers.
She asks if she should play something sexy or something lively. He says, "It all means the same thing as far as I'm concerned." Amused, she says, "Oh, I see."
Robin enters from his bedroom. He says, "Here I am, as irresistible as ever." He wonders if he should raffle himself off now or later. (To Larry and Chrissy? Shouldn't he wait for the guests?) Chrissy says he should make sure there's enough to eat. He feels his own arm and says there's plenty there.
Larry: (to Robin) You been messing around with my Bay City Rollers?
Robin: I never use them. I'm naturally wavy.
Chrissy asks, "Robbie, is there enough to eat?", one of the few times she calls him that. He looks at the sandwiches-- cheese & lettuce, ham & pickle, and--
Robin: Oh.
Larry: Yeah, they're mine.
Robin: I know they are. Listen, why's that sausage got two sticks in it?
Larry: Er, that's to please the crowd and weaken it for the kill.
After Larry goes in the kitchen, Chrissy says they won't have to be quiet with Mr. Roper coming to the party. They have to get him tanked up quickly and stand him in the corner. Robin says they can hang coats on him.
Frisky: Downstairs, Mildred wants George to zip up the back of her green dress. He insists that there won't be a party. "My mind's made up. It may be a small thing, but my mind's made up."
Mildred says, "George, I've lived with you all these years for one reason only. I need someone to zip me up. Now do it!" Muttering, he gets up and does it. She yelps at his roughness.
She says he should go and enjoy himself. He says he doesn't like enjoying himself. She tells him to let his hair down for once, "metaphorically speaking of course," one of the occasional references to his balding.
She's taking his whiskey upstairs, and she says since there won't be a party, no one will drink it. She'll be home about midnight, probably in a frisky mood.
As soon as she exits, he grabs a pen and paper. He mutters, "I'll give her a frisky mood." He writes a message that starts out, "PARTY CANCELLED."
Margo and Tom: 3'sC skips over those two scenes and so the next parallel scenes have the Mrs. Ropers at the party. Except, there are no other guests.
In the flat, Robin, Chrissy, Larry, and Mildred sit around glumly as a psychedelic instrumental plays. At the apartment, disco music is on. Janet is pacing, as the others sit. The British tune ends. Amer-Chrissy gets up and turns off the record player.
Brit-Larry says, "Have a sandwich, Mrs. R?", yes, with that abbreviation. She says one was quite enough. She asks, "Is anyone else coming or is it just me?" Chrissy says there will be lots of people. They just haven't turned up yet.
There's silence and then Robin says it's 10 past 10. Over in America, Helen says it's after 10.
Mildred laughs and says, "Isn't this fun?" But she's forcing it.
Amer-Chrissy says it's an omen. If you give a party and no one shows up, it means bad luck is coming your way. Janet says that's an old wives' tale. Chrissy says she heard it from Joan Frazier, who's only 24.
Brit-Larry, who's been eating one of his sandwiches, says, "Perhaps we should start without them." Robin says, "Off you go, good luck." But when Janet suggests starting the party without them, her friends agree.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says that she's sure any minute now, all their friends will come pouring/barging through that front door. Everyone looks at the door, but no one arrives. Janet says, "Or maybe not."
The last party they had, there were 75 people and the bed collapsed. Mildred says, "Pardon?" It was all those coats.
Robin says it's now 10 1/2 minutes past 10. Then, getting to his feet, he says this is ridiculous, and somebody should've arrived by now. He goes to the window. He sees Tom and Margo. Chrissy says they're always the last to arrive. He says this time they're the first.
Jack goes to the front door and sees a car pulling up. It's Margo and Tom. Janet says they're always the last ones to come to a party. He says this time they're the first, and maybe it's a surprise party.
Robin puts on another psychedelic tune, but a funkier one. He invites Mrs. Roper to dance. She twists low.
Jack plays the record and says, "Come on, Mrs. Roper. We're gonna have a swingin' time. Get down!" He tries to be funky, but she dances close. (So Robin's T-shirt was right.) She says, "What do we need with other people?" He plays along and dances cheek to cheek.
Brit-Chrissy says Tom and Margo are going away again. Robin goes to the window to look. Then he excuses himself to Mrs. Roper, who keeps dancing, and he exits.
Then she stops and saunters over to Larry, who's drinking alcohol and eating a sandwich. She beckons with her finger and dances at him, smiling. He reluctantly sways a little.
Janet and Amer-Chrissy have gone out the door and they now return, saying that Margo and Tom are getting back in their car. Jack lets go of Mrs. Roper and calls after Margo and Tom. Then he heads downstairs.
We see Robin run downstairs to the front door. He calls out to Tom and Margo. Then he sees a sign on the outer door: "PARTY CANCELLED. ORDER OF LANDLORD." He takes it down.
Emerging into the darkness in a rather sinister way, George says, "When I say a thing is cancelled, Son, it's cancelled. I've also disconnected your doorbell, so there."
Mildred and Brit-Chrissy come downstairs. Robin shows them the sign. Now George is nervous. Mildred growls, "This time you've gone too far! Get in there!"
Over in America, Janet wonders why Margo and Tom left. Chrissy says maybe they thought they weren't late enough. Then there's the exchange about 75 people breaking the bed, with Helen intrigued, and then disappointed when she hears about the coats.
Jack returns with a note that was stuck to the staircase downstairs. Helen recognizes Stanley's handwriting. She gasps and then says, "Oh no! This time he's gone too far!" She gives the note back to Jack and storms out.
Jack hands the note to Janet, who reads, "Sorry, Folks, party cancelled. Had to leave town."
Amer-Chrissy: Well, that--
Jack: Go ahead, Chrissy, say it for all of us.
Janet: Yeah.
Chrissy: That-- Roper!
They just look at her.
Toad: Later at the Ropers', Mildred/Helen is packing, Mildred in the lounge, Helen in the bedroom. George/Stanley claims she's bluffing, like the last time she said she was going to leave him. Then he says that something's upset her, Stanley adding that that's the only time she stops talking. George wants to discuss this like rational people. Mildred/Helen calls her husband a toad. Stanley says, "Well, that's better. At least we're communicating."
Mildred is going to her sister. George says that the sister never did like him. Mildred says, "No one likes you. If you had a grain of common sense, you wouldn't like yourself."
Helen says the party was the straw that broke the camel's back, and she's going to stay with her sister.
Mildred says that this isn't just because of the party. She's been meaning to leave him since the day he walked down the aisle with two of his fly buttons undone. The audience laughs a lot. She says she had to do the buttons up while the vicar wasn't looking. (During the ceremony? When would the vicar not be looking at the bridal couple?) George says, "Is that what you were doing?"
When Mildred closes the lid of her suitcase, she hits his hand, and doesn't apologise.
Out in the entryway, Robin is coming down with a box of booze. He tells Chrissy that he won't get his money back, since he didn't pay yet, but it'll get the booze off the slate.
The Ropers exit their apartment, still arguing. Mildred tells Robin and Chrissy, "Bye-bye, Loves. I'll drop you a line." George still acts like she's bluffing, even when she leaves the building. Then he turns to the kids and says, "Now see what you've done!"
And we break for adverts.
Helen doesn't say goodbye to anyone. She slams both the bedroom door and the front door. From the bedroom, Stanley asks, "How far are you gonna carry this bluff?"
And we go to commercial.
Betty: Upstairs, Jack hangs up and tries another number. Janet says he's not going to get anybody to come back for a party now. Amer-Chrissy says, "Yeah, I'm already here, and I don't wanna come."
Jack is calling Betty, whom he says is crazy about him. He thinks she'll call a couple girlfriends, who'll call a couple fellas. Jack tells Betty (offscreen) that a practical joker put up the sign. When he hears she's undressed and in bed, he says, "Well, how about me coming over there right now?" She hangs up.
Someone knocks and they get their hopes up. Mr. Roper announces himself. Janet calls him a fink and doesn't want Jack to let him in. Jack says, "I'm gonna let him in and then let him have it." He opens the door.
Jack and Stanley say in sync, "I hope you're happy! Do you know what you did?" Then Jack says, "You spoiled our party," as Stanley simultaneously says, "My wife left me."
Stanley says it's their fault, for filling Helen's head with "all those ideas." He asks, "Why would she leave a man like me if she wasn't crazy?" Then he says, "Let her stay away." It'll be a vacation for him. He can do what he likes.
He's about to leave but then he says he feels hungry. Helen didn't make him dinner before she left. He helps himself to the party food. The trio look on in disbelief.
Foofoo: Time passes. Everyone's in a different outfit, and we're in the kitchens. Robin is cooking in his naughty apron, as Chrissy and Larry sit at the table. Jack is sampling the dish he's making, as Amer-Chrissy sits at the table.
Janet enters the kitchen, having finished answering Mrs. Roper's letter. Brit-Chrissy is writing to Mrs. Roper, telling her that "we're well and Mr. Roper's well." Robin says, "You could mention that we're thinking of leaving him, too."
Robin also says Brit-Chrissy has been encouraging Mr. Roper by saying hello.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says Mrs. Roper says she's coming back when pigs grow wings. Annoyed, Robin says, "That could be weeks." This ends up as a spacy Amer-Chrissy line and gets applause.
Robin says Mr. Roper was whining, sighing, and groaning last night. Brit-Chrissy says, "Perhaps we should've let him in." Robin says they let him in Wednesday and he left Thursday. He does a good imitation of Mr. Roper telling a war story.
Robin calls Mr. Roper such a bore. Larry points out that Mr. Roper hasn't shaved in a week. Robin says he's a hairy bore.
Brit-Chrissy wonders where the envelopes are. Robin says they're in Foofoo the Frog, Jo's pyjama case. Jo doesn't wear pyjamas, which is why she keeps her envelopes in there. Chrissy says, "Of course." Clearly, this was meant to be a quirky Jo explanation that they ended up giving to Robin.
Robin says that the last time Mr. Roper came round, he had a knife and fork sticking out of his breast pocket.
After Amer-Chrissy goes into the living room, Jack says Mr. Roper is up here all the time. Janet is going to mail the letter, so he follows her into the living room. He says he doesn't want Roper mooching off more meals from them. Janet says that Jack was the one who invited him up here last time. Jack says he had to, since Mr. Roper was standing there with a knife and fork sticking out of his shirt pocket.
In an unusually sensitive moment, Larry says that Mr. Roper comes up here because he's sort of lost. Robin says, "He thinks this is his flat?"
Mr. Roper knocks and calls to them. Robin nicknames him the lonely vagabond. Without knocking, Stanley calls, "Anybody home?"
Robin and Brit-Larry hide behind the settee. Jack and Amer-Chrissy hide behind the sofa.
Brit-Chrissy answers the door. George is unshaven with messy hair. His shirt is untucked, with the bottom button undone.
Stanley lets himself in. He says, "Did somebody say, 'Come in'?" His hair is rumpled and he's wearing a bathrobe over his clothes, but he doesn't look as bad as George.
Brit-Chrissy says she's on her way out to the post. Janet says she's going to mail a letter. They exit.
George comes in and sees Robin and Brit-Larry. Stanley steps in and sees Jack and Amer-Chrissy.
Amer-Chrissy: (whispering) Is he gone yet?
Stanley: (whispering) No.
Robin/Jack claims that they were looking for his sock, which rolled away. It was in a ball.
George/Stanley says he thought they might like some company. Robin says they've got plenty of company. "Somebody has been up here every night of the week. You." Jack says that's nice but they're very busy.
George/Stanley follows Robin/Jack into the kitchen and says that the dish Robin/Jack is cooking smells good. Robin/Jack says there's only enough for three.
George says he's not looking for charity. Robin says, "You've come to the right place. We haven't got any."
George says he has bread & scrape, eggs, and a bit of cocoa. Robin says George can make a cocoa omelet. Stanley has peanut butter, bread, and a knife.
George burns his tongue sampling Robin's dish.
Brit-Larry comes in and says he couldn't find Robin's sock.
Larry: I brought you a glass of vino instead.
Robin: I won't be able to put my foot in it, but thanks anyway.
George: I haven't had a glass of wine in a long time.
Robin: Well, keep up the the good work.
George takes awhile to leave. Robin tells him to enjoy the cocoa omelet.
Stanley again tells Jack that the food smells good. Leaning close, Jack says, "So do you. What are you wearing?" The audience applauds. Stanley backs away and says he has to go. Jack says, "So soon?"
As Amer-Chrissy comes in, Jack seasons the dish, and Mr. Roper sneaks a chicken leg into his robe. After he leaves, Chrissy says, amused, "Mr. Roper's starting a new takeout business....I've heard of chicken in a bucket, but I've never seen chicken in a pocket." Jack is confused.
Missing her: Brit-Chrissy returns as George comes downstairs. Stanley comes downstairs, eating chicken, which he hides in his robe pocket again when he sees Janet. Stanley asks Janet if she mailed her letter OK, and she tells him how easy it was.
George invites Brit-Chrissy in for a chat. Stanley wants to talk to Janet privately. Both girls are reluctant, but they give in because they feel sorry for Mr. Roper.
The flat and apartment are very messy, with newspapers everywhere. George says the flat needs a woman's touch, and Mildred did keep the place tidy. Stanley says Helen really used to keep the apartment neat.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says that George/Stanley misses his wife. He denies it but says the bird does. (On 3'sC, there's a close-up of the parakeet, which chirps.) George/Stanley hears the bird at night, laying awake, missing Mrs. Roper. Stanley adds the detail that the bird tosses and turns.
Brit-Chrissy: I expect he's quite fond of her, really.
George: He didn't realise till she was gone how fond of her he was.
Janet: He likes her, huh?
Stanley: Now that she's gone, he realizes how much he likes her.
Brit-Chrissy: He could telephone her, ask her to come back.
George: No, I don't let him use the phone.
Chrissy: But you could phone, if only for his sake.
George: No, if I did that, she'd think it was me, and she hates me.
Chrissy: Oh, she doesn't hate you. She may be a bit bored with you, a bit fed up. She may even dislike you a bit, or even a lot.
George: You keep going, you'll work your way back to hate.
Janet: How about a telephone call, asking her to come back?
Stanley: I don't let him use the phone.
Janet: Well, uh, you could call her. You know, for his sake.
George: I mean, be honest. If you were Mildred, would you come back to me?
Brit-Chrissy: Well, not the way you look at the moment. But if you smartened yourself up, had a shave. Have you got a clean shirt?
George: You'd come back then?
Chrissy: I wouldn't, but she might.
He asks if he's let himself go a bit. She nods.
Stanley: Janet, tell me something. If you were Helen, would you come back to me?
Janet: No. Well, uh, I mean, not the way you're looking now. (stroking his hair) But, um, if you combed your hair, you know. (stroking his back) And, uh, you got all dressed up.
Stanley: Then you'd come back?
Janet: I wouldn't. Uh, but she might. Sure, she might.
He smooths his hair and looks hopeful.
Einstein: Upstairs in the kids' flat later, Larry sits at the kitchen table. Robin, annoyed, says the meal is piping hot, but where is she? "Gallivanting to the post box." Larry tells him not to get his pinny (apron) in a twist. Robin exclaims, "My father was right! They don't deserve good food!"
Brit-Chrissy comes in and says she's just been speaking to Mr. Roper. Robin says, "What? Alone, unaided? Sit down, I'll get you a brandy."
As Robin dishes up the food, Chrissy says that Mr. Roper is a proud man. She doesn't know what he's proud of, but he is. He told her he'll ask his wife to come back after she's come back, and not before.
Larry: That don't make sense.
Robin: If it doesn't make sense to Einstein here, what chance have the rest of us got?
Larry: (sarcastically) Oh, nice.
I'm guessing that this exchange, perhaps in a slightly different form, was originally for Jo and Robin.
Chrissy says they'll have to do something. Robin suggests "arsenic in his bread & scrape, or the merciful bullet." She goes to phone Mrs. Roper.
Overall: At least a week has passed, but the long-brown-haired young couple are still at (or back at) the White Swan, now playing darts. The older couple are sitting at the back of the bar. You go, British extras! (My all-time favorite sitcom-extras moment is in a Brady Bunch episode, where the same students repeatedly walk by Marcia and her boyfriend.)
George comes in with a bouquet of yellow flowers. He's shaven and nicely dressed. He goes to the bar, where a mousy middle-aged woman is sitting. Percy says, "Mr. Roper, you look quite presentable. What happened?" George orders a drink and tells Percy to have one himself. Percy says, "It is Mr. Roper, isn't it?"
George says he's off to see his wife, give her a bit of a surprise. Then he says they'd better make the drink a huge one, for him. Mildred is staying with her sister for a few days, till she learns her lesson. The flowers are for her. Percy says, "Oh my. And I'd thought I clicked."
George will have a quick couple of these drinks and then he's off to Purley. (That Mildred's sister lives in Purley was established on "We Shall Not Be Moved.") He won't crawl. Percy says the bus is much the best way. They both drink.
George: You're coming with me, Woman. No argument, you'll do as you're told.
Mousy woman: I beg your pardon?
He apologises.
She's the woman from the pet shop. He didn't recognise her with her clothes on, meaning she usually wears an overall. She says she's Mrs. Hollins and asks after his "little Whatshisname." George is embarrassed, till she remembers the name, Oscar. George says Oscar is all right, a bit lonely this time of year. She says, "Aren't we all?"
He says, "Another Scotch, Percy." Then he offers to buy her a drink. She asks for a large Snowball, which is a cocktail. She's played by Hilda Braid, who would go on to do 210 episodes of Eastenders in her 70s.
Smock: Things go differently on 3'sC, in part because they're not using the Regal Beagle set this week. After Janet's pep talk, the scene fades and then reopens on the Ropers' living room. Stanley enters from his bedroom. His hair is combed and he's wearing plaid pants, a pink leisure-suity jacket, a wide-lapeled brown shirt, and a white undershirt. The audience laughs, whistles, and oohs.
The bird whistles, too. Stanley smiles and goes over to it. He says, "I look good, huh?" He says he's going to bring Helen back from her sister's. She'll come out and say, "Oh, Stanley!" He continues, "And I'm gonna say, 'Helen, I love you.' " He surprises himself, then says, "Yeah, what the hell. 'Helen, I love you.' I'm gonna go to the door," he opens his actual door, "and I'm gonna say, 'You're coming with me, Woman.' "
On the other side of the door is a middle-aged woman with blonde curly hair. She's holding a little paper bag. He recognizes her from the pet shop, Mrs. Hollins. He says he didn't recognize her at first with her clothes on. "I mean, I usually see you in that smock."
Diana Herbert debuted at 17 in Margie (1946) and is still working to this day, although now it tends to be as aunts and grandmothers. Her Mrs. Hollins is more attractive than Hilda Braid's, but I think this is deliberate.
Mrs. Hollins says, "You left this behind at the shop. It's the vitamins for your parakeet." She asks after the parakeet and Stanley says, "I'm lonely. I mean, he's lonely." She wants to look at the poor little thing, so they go over to the cage.
Gurgling: Upstairs in the flat, Mildred is in the armchair, while Chrissy serves her tea. Robin and Larry are on the settee. At the Amer-trio's apartment, the women are sitting on the couch, while Jack leans over them. Helen says she was so happy when they called.
On the subject of Mr. Roper missing his wife, Robin says that at night they hear gurgling sounds from downstairs. Larry says, "Nah, that's the lavatory." On 3'sC, these lines surprisingly go to Janet (with "gurgling sobs") and Helen (with "the toilet"). Robin/Janet says that the gurgling was from Mr. Roper, who's not the man he used to be. Mildred/Helen says, "He never was."
Brit-Chrissy: Mrs. Roper, he said to me, the only one I've ever loved has left me.
Mildred: Oho, has his budgie escaped then?
She's skeptical and wants to know his exact words.
Chrissy: "I miss the old bag."
Mildred: That sounds like him.
Larry says, "He did say he missed you." Robin says she must've missed Mr. Roper a bit. She says she's used to him, like a toothache.
Robin: Imagine life without him. I mean, never to see him. I grant you, it sounds attractive.
Larry: It certainly does.
Chrissy: Only to us, not necessarily to Mrs. Roper.
In America, this is all shortened to Chrissy saying, "The important thing is that he misses you."
Mildred/Helen says maybe she a was a bit hasty. Brit-Chrissy says, "Don't upset yourself. He's not worth it. Well, yes, he is worth it." The men agree. On 3'sC, Helen wonders if Stanley is worth it. Jack says, "Of course he is."
Mildred: No, he's not, but he's all I've got.
Helen: No, he's not, but he's mine.
Mildred says they've talked her into it. She stands up, looking determined.
Love means...: Downstairs, Stanley is pacing. George is talking to Oscar. He says, "They'd never let me see her. The sister, the husband, the goldfish. They do not like me." Although, based on previous mentions, he's probably right about his in-laws, he's clearly drunk at the moment. He pours himself another drink. He again says, "They'd never let me see her."
Mildred/Helen enters. Not seeing her, George says he's come home to Oscar, "me only friend." Moved, Mildred says, "He's not your only friend, George." They call each other's names a few times. She goes to him.
Mildred/Helen doesn't want her husband to say anything, just listen. Mildred says, "You can't help being the way you are." Perhaps she could've tried harder to understand.
Mildred: When two people love each other, George, does it really matter whether they like each other? You know, I mean all the time? I mean, isn't that what love is all about?
Helen: If two people love each other, does it matter whether they like each other? I mean, I mean, all the time. Isn't that what love is all about?
And then, Brit-Mrs.-Hollins enters from the bedroom, with a cigarette. She's not wearing a blouse, so we see her bra! She says, "Make mine a large one, Dear." Then she sees Mildred and is startled. Mildred is understandably outraged.
Brit-Larry and Robin are listening outside the door, as Chrissy sits on the stairs. Larry is smoking. We hear Mildred demand, "How dare you bring another woman into my house?" Mrs. Hollins says something about his little budgie. Then plates break. Not for the first time, Mildred calls George a dirty little devil. Robin thinks things are back to normal. Chrissy says, "Definitely back to normal."
And the episode ends there!
On 3'sC, Mrs. Hollins comes in from the kitchen, fully dressed, saying, "Here we are, nothing like some vitamins to pep a fellow up."
Helen: (confused rather than jealous) Oh, I didn't know you had company.
Stanley: Helen, I can explain.
Mrs. Hollins: I'm Mrs. Hollins. I just came over to see his little friend.
Helen blinks, speechless. As Stanley pushes Mrs. Hollins out, he says, "It's not what you think."
Mrs. Hollins: (exiting) Nice meeting you.
Helen: Likewise.
Stanley: Helen, before you lose your temper, you gotta believe me, nothing happened!
Helen: I know.
Stanley: You don't know! I'm a man! I'm capable!
Helen: Given time.
Stanley: You caught me with another woman. You should be shocked! And upset!
Helen: OK, so I'm shocked and upset.
Stanley: That's better.
Helen says she didn't come back home to fight with him. She came back to forgive and forget. He smiles and thanks her. He says, "I'm glad you came back." He hesitantly kisses her. The audience applauds.
She smiles and says, "Thank you, Stanley." She says the best part of a fight is the making up. She tells him, "Come on, Lover." He says, "I knew there was a catch to it." She takes his hand and leads him to the bedroom. We see his hand grab the doorframe, but she keeps pulling until his hand lets go.
Bride and bribery: In the American tag, everyone is sitting on or by the couch, the trio grinning, as Mrs. Roper talks about her husband. She says, "These last few days have been fantastic! Stanley's been so attentive and so loving and so romantic! I feel like a bride on her honeymoon!" No one points out that she spent her honeymoon playing Monopoly.
Janet says this is wonderful, and Chrissy says, "I'm happy for you."
Helen says she got Stanley to let them have their party. Jack asks how. It was bribery: a night off. The trio are amused.
And the episode ends.
Commentary: We don't know exactly what happens with the British versions of Mr. Roper and Mrs. Hollins, but it at least involves her taking off her blouse. I think they deliberately made her mousy in order to add to the shock factor. It's unclear if she's married, widowed, or divorced, but he of course is married. True, his wife has left him, but he was supposed to be going to collect her from her sister's, whether or not the in-laws dislike him.
We can be pretty sure that the American Mr. Roper did nothing but look at his bird with Mrs. Hollins, and, no, "bird" is not a euphemism here. Stanley is capable, but he seems genuinely less interested in sex and romance than George is. While Helen glows with his attentions, he is clearly reluctant to go in the bedroom with her, and he's later happy to have a night off. George, if you get him liquored up enough, can be rather amorous.
The borderline adultery aside, the British episode is better, mostly because of the humour, like the absurdism of the dancing sandwiches and the Spanish fighting sausage. Even Robin's line about putting his foot in a glass of wine is whimsical. I also like the turn of phrase "the merciful bullet." The Robin-as-annoyed-housewife bit is cute. And I like how many funny lines Percy gets. Jim the bartender never gets to be funny.
When Janet says that this is the first party they've had in over a year, she's apparently not counting the party on "Three's Christmas," perhaps because no one showed up at that one. It was slightly less than a year ago. The party previous to that was the one on "Strange Bedfellows," but Janet and Amer-Chrissy weren't there, as it was a party Jack threw while they were out of town. The party with the 75 coats must've been in between episodes.
As for the Brits, the last party we saw them throw was on "While the Cat's Away," back in January 1974. It did seem like a wild enough party for Mr. Roper to forbid them having another, although I don't think there were 75 people. It's likely that they, too, had a party in between episodes.
George makes another of his comments about the middle class, this time about how they took up hooliganism, presumably in the 1960s.
A "berk" is not exactly equivalent to a "jerk," since it's Cockney rhyming slang for "cunt," from "Berkeley hunt." But there's no comparable American term, and the change of one letter works.
There's another suggestion that Mildred masturbates, since she's holding five phallic symbols when she complains that George doesn't worship her body enough. This episode continues Mildred's half-joking suspicion that her husband loves the budgie more than he loves her.
Jack is more cooperative with Mrs. Roper's advances than Robin is, but then Helen is less aggressive than Mildred sometimes is towards Robin.
The British episode has another example of Chrissy being too innocent to get something, like Mr. Roper's curly hair on the "wig" episode, this time her not realising the noisy activity Larry's thinking of. I like that Larry and Chrissy get some moments together on their own, and seem to be getting along, an unexpected benefit to the Jo-less-ness.
The scenes between Brit-Chrissy & George and Janet & Stanley are sweet, particularly the way Chrissy keeps putting her foot in her mouth, as she later does with Mrs. Roper.
It's cool that all the celebrities mentioned on MatH are ones that Americans (at least in the '70s) would be familiar with, no need for me to resort to Wikipedia this time. The Bay City Rollers feel too teenybopper for Larry's taste, but who knows.
A quick note on the new closing credits for MatH. They've added pictures of keychains for the trio. Robin's says, "MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR," suggesting that his view of free love is a carryover from the '60s. Chrissy's is the letter C and a red heart. Jo has the letter J and a picture of a blond man holding an animal. The keychains are all together at the end, and Robin and Chrissy get theirs individually, but Sally Thomsett's name is omitted here. We'll see what happens next week....
Jo puts on suntan lotion. Chrissy steers and the ride is bumpy, so the lotion bottle falls over and pours into Chrissy's glass. Chrissy takes a long sip, smiling, until she tastes the lotion.
Jo drinks the rest of her champagne, then tosses the glass. It hits the diver on the head. She puts her hands to her cheeks as she laughs.
There's a random swan.
The fisherman throws his cigarette, which falls down Robin's shirt. Chrissy tries to steer as Robin tries to get the cigarette. He takes it out of his navel, looks at it, and then throws it away in disgust.
Except for the credits in the first two series, it's kind of weird that we see the trio with a car and a boat, when on the show they're always scrambling for money. I will say I like these final series credits better than the ones for the penultimate series, since they feel more in character.
Ah, yes, the final series. We're coming towards the end. And how does the beginning of the end begin? Like Chrissy's steering, a bit bumpy. Not that MatH33 is bad. It's actually much better written than the American counterpart. It's just got some oddities, one of which is obvious right from the start, and the other is in the final moments.
But first up, some broadcasting information. "The Party's Over" aired 25 February 1976. NRW adapted it, as they so often did, and this time kept the title. 3'sC43 hit number one on Dec. 5, 1978. The third season of Three's Company began the drift away from verbal humor and towards more slapstick, so perhaps it's not surprising that there are only two MatH-based episodes. "The Best Laid Plans" is the other one. Even the episode where the kids think Helen is having an affair with Stanley's buddy Jerry is not based on a British plot. As for how this episode was Americanized, well, let us proceed.
Fracas: MatH opens at the White Swan. A young man with shoulder-length, shaggy brown hair takes a drink to a girl with similiar hair. An older couple come in, and the man goes to the bar, where Robin has several boxes in front of him. Robin has a new haircut that's very flattering, and I realize how he's gradually become less scruffy over time, with shorter sideboards, too. But then we are moving further away from the '60s.
Robin, smoking, does an inventory of the food and alcohol he's getting. He says, "We don't want a lot of booze 'cause Jo's not with us this with weekend." First of all, does Jo drink much? And secondly, where the heck is Jo? I'll say right now, she never shows up in the episode, and days pass. There's no explanation of where she's gone. We know she's still in the series, because she's in the opening credits, and she's mentioned in the synopsis for the next episode. Was Sally T. out sick? In contract dispute? (Joyce DeWitt missed one episode of 3'sC for that reason, so Linda got an extra episode.) In any case, you'll notice that some of the lines, the Larry ones especially, sound like they were originally for Jo.
Percy the barman: Why don't I just inform the shareholders that you're gonna make a takeover bid for the brewery?
Robin: We're just having a couple people round tonight.
Percy: Oh, really? W.C. Fields and Dean Martin?
Robin laughs and says it's just a party.
Robin: Oh, listen, what are those bacon-flavoured things called?
Percy: Pigs!
Robin means some kind of snack, and he wants a half dozen packets.
The old man taps a coin impatiently on a bottle.
Percy: Your last party, didn't you have an awful little fracas?
Robin: Yes, but we're not inviting him this time.
Mr. Roper kept coming up about something, but Robin couldn't hear him through all the noise.
The old man taps again.
Percy says, "Mr. Roper's not my favourite man. He's mean," in the sense of stingy. Robin says Mr. Roper never stands a round, in the sense of buying a round of drinks. Percy says Mr. Roper stands around till someone buys him a drink, and then he goes.
The old man taps yet again. Percy exclaims, "All right, I shall be with you in a moment! Customers, they think they're here to be waited on." Robin laughs.
Rings a bell: 3'sC skips acquiring the booze and snacks, instead opening with Jack just outside the apartment, carying a sixpack in each hand and a box in his arms. He knocks and calls to Chrissy and Janet. He rings the doorbell with his nose, and his nose gets caught.
Chrissy answers the door and is amused. She calls Janet over, and Janet laughs, too. Janet pushes Jack's nose out. The three roommates go inside.
Olé: In the Brit-trio's kitchen, Chrissy is working on the hors d'oeuvres, while Larry, smoking, makes sandwiches. She tells him to butter the bread more quietly, because they don't want the Ropers to hear. He says, "They're bound to hear as soon as they start dancing. Not the sandwiches, the people."
She says it'll be a very quiet party, with no dancing, singing, or loud conversation. With a leer, he says, "That leaves one thing, and that can be pretty noisy." She doesn't get it and says, "Drinking?"
He comes over and looks at her snacks. He asks about the two sticks in one sausage. She says it's a Spanish fighting sausage, and adds an "Olé."
Robin comes home with one of the boxes and calls to Chrissy and Larry for help. They come in from the kitchen. She says some people can't carry their liquor.
Jack asks his roommates for help. Chrissy says, "I always said you couldn't hold your liquor, Jack." The Amer-girls take the box, as he drops the sixpacks on top.
Jack says his arms have grown six inches. Chrissy says, "Better than if they grew a foot." The girls laugh.
Robin says there are more boxes in the hallway, and Jack says there are more downstairs. Brit-Chrissy/Janet hopes Mr. Roper didn't see him. Jack says he learned camouflage and stalking when he was a Boy Scout. Amer-Chrissy asks if he got any merit badges. "No, but I got a couple of Camp Fire Girls." He laughs big and stagily. He trips on his way to the door but says it's an old Boy Scout trick.
Brit-Larry says that there are 38 1/2 people coming, since he sort of half invited one of them. He also says that Mr. Roper is bound to know they're having a party. Robin says it'll be too late then.
The Amer-girls carry the box into the kitchen. Chrissy says Mr. Roper is bound to find out. Janet says he won't till tonight and then it'll be too late.
Chrissy feels guilty. (She tends to have a guiltier conscience than the other two, probably due to growing up as a minister's daughter.) Janet says this is their first party in over a year. Their friends have been asking them to parties, and if they don't invite them back, they won't have any friends left. Their social life will dwindle down to nothing, and they'll be living like nuns. Chrissy cracks, "Would that make Jack a monk?"
Bulk: In the entryway, George goes through the bottles, mispronouncing the French names, like "Chah-bliss." Robin sees him and says that the bottles are for the three of them. It's bulk-buying. Although Robin tries to discourage him, George offers to help him, by carrying up one bottle.
Jack sneaks down the stairs and grabs a box. Stanley emerges from his apartment and startles Jack. Stanley says there's enough wine for a whole party. Jack says it's cooking wine. "What are you cooking, an elephant?" Jack laughs exaggeratedly. Stanley is more helpful than George, taking up two bottles.
Riot and hooliganism: Brit-Chrissy looks at the sandwiches, cheese & lettuce and ham. Larry asks where to put the one with pilchards (sardines), bananas, and peanut butter. She says out the window. He takes a bite.
Amer-Chrissy asks if they have any of those bacon-flavored things. Janet says, "Pigs?
Robin tries to discourage George from coming into the flat, but George gets the door.
Offscreen, Jack loudly says, "Don't come into the kitchen, Mr. Roper." The girls hide some of the food.
George says it looks like they've been bulk-buying sausages and sandwiches as well. Robin says it's on the off chance that someone might drop in, "like you." Larry offers George a sandwich. George takes a bite. "You don't fool me, you three are having a--" He chokes on the sandwich. Chrissy tells him the contents. He puts the rest of the sandwich back.
Stanley asks what the food is for. Jack says it's for eating. Stanley says the food can't just be for the three of them. Jack stuffs his face with potato chips. Stanley asks if Jack is trying to be funny. With his mouth full, Jack says, "Perish the thought."
Brit-Chrissy/Janet admits that they're throwing a party. She says there were going to invite the Ropers. Robin says, "Were we? Yes, we were."
Janet asks Amer-Chrissy, "Did you forget to call?" With big eyes, Chrissy says Jack was supposed to. Trying to escort Stanley out, Jack says he was just about to call. "Go downstairs and you'll be just in time to answer your phone."
George: I told you after the last one, no more parties.
Stanley: Remember what I told you after the last party, no more parties.
Robin asks if this is because of what that chap did in Mr. Roper's windowbox. George says it was partly that and partly what the couples did on the stairs. "It marked the carpet you know. It won't come out."
Larry says it was only high spirits. George says, "High spirits? It used to be called hooliganism before the middle classes took it up."
Jack admits it got a little noisy. Stanley says it was a riot, and it woke him up. "You know what it takes to wake me up? Just ask Mrs. Roper." Then he thinks better of it.
George/Stanley insists on no parties, Stanley adding, "That's an order from your landlord," and exits.
Brit-Chrissy asks why Robin brought Mr. Roper up. "I didn't, he just followed me."
Robin/Jack says they'll appeal to a higher court. Brit-Chrissy/Janet guesses he means Mrs. Roper.
Robin asks who's going to do it. Brit-Chrissy gives him a look. Jack asks, "Which one of us is gonna do it, you or Chrissy?" Amer-Chrissy definitely doesn't want to. However.
Feathers: Stanley comes home, but George is already there, talking to Oscar. Stanley says, "Dumb kids," and the parakeet imitates him. Stanley smiles and goes over to the bird. He calls it a good bird, a smart bird. George/Stanley says he and the bird don't like noisy parties, which make their feathers fall out. Stanley tells the parakeet to play with its little toy-toy. And he tries to get it to say Stanley, once again.
Someone knocks and Mr. Roper goes to answer it, Stanley telling the bird, "Excuse me." It's the Chrissys, who want to talk to Mrs. Roper.
George says Brit-Chrissy is trying to go over his head behind his back. He discussed the party with her and she's in full agreement with the stand he's taking. Chrissy still wants to speak to her. He says Mildred is lying down. Chrissy says, "When she wakes up."
Stanley invites Amer-Chrissy in before he realizes and says he's on to her.
George says, "You're wasting your time. Mildred agrees with me." The front door opens and Mildred is back from the shops. He says she would've agreed with him if she'd been here. She denies that. The three of them go into the Ropers' flat.
As the door opens on Helen with her purse and a bag of groceries, Stanley says, "I said it's not gonna do you any good. There's only one boss around here." Helen comes in and says, "It's not nice to talk about me behind my back." Amer-Chrissy smiles.
The Chrissys tell Mrs. Roper that there's a party tonight and she's invited. Mrs. Roper is delighted. When Mr. Roper objects, his wife asks if that's his final word. He says yes, so she says, "Good. Then we won't hear any more from you." The American audience applauds.
Brit-Chrissy says it'll be about 8. George tries to protest. Mildred growls, "Down, George!" When Chrissy leaves, Mildred says, "See you later, Love." Chrissy says, "Bye and thanks."
Helen says she'd love to come and thanks for the invitation. Amer-Chrissy leaves.
Mildred says she'll allow George a five-minute sulk. Helen says it's just a little party.
George: Mildred, may I remind you that the wedding service said, "Love, honour, and obey"? Obey. It did not say, "Love, honour, and make me look like a berk."
Mildred: (holding a zucchini and four bananas) It also said, "With my body, I thee worship." There has been precious little worship going on round here!
Stanley: Our wedding service said, "Love, honor, and obey." It didn't say, "Love, honor, and make Stanley look like a jerk."
Helen: That's because God had already taken care of that part.
Holding his thumb and forefinger an inch apart, George says, "I feel about that big." The audience laughs a lot. Mildred says, "I'm not giving you an argument, George." He says he lost face in front of the tenants.
George: They've been laughing at me up there.
Mildred: (laughing) And at 8 o'clock, I'll be joining them.
Stanley: You're making me look foolish in front of the kids. They're gonna be upstairs laughing at me.
Helen: And at 8 o'clock, I'll join them.
Stanley: No, you won't. You'll be downstairs, in the bedroom with me.
Helen: What's the difference where I laugh?
Rollers: In the lounge upstairs, Larry is polishing a glass as Chrissy looks through the albums. She sees Frank Sinatra (obviously not hers), Elton John, the Stones, and a talk-along with Telly Savalas. Larry asks about his Bay City Rollers LP. She says it's broken. He asks who did it. She says she doesn't know, but the world is full of music lovers.
She asks if she should play something sexy or something lively. He says, "It all means the same thing as far as I'm concerned." Amused, she says, "Oh, I see."
Robin enters from his bedroom. He says, "Here I am, as irresistible as ever." He wonders if he should raffle himself off now or later. (To Larry and Chrissy? Shouldn't he wait for the guests?) Chrissy says he should make sure there's enough to eat. He feels his own arm and says there's plenty there.
Larry: (to Robin) You been messing around with my Bay City Rollers?
Robin: I never use them. I'm naturally wavy.
Chrissy asks, "Robbie, is there enough to eat?", one of the few times she calls him that. He looks at the sandwiches-- cheese & lettuce, ham & pickle, and--
Robin: Oh.
Larry: Yeah, they're mine.
Robin: I know they are. Listen, why's that sausage got two sticks in it?
Larry: Er, that's to please the crowd and weaken it for the kill.
After Larry goes in the kitchen, Chrissy says they won't have to be quiet with Mr. Roper coming to the party. They have to get him tanked up quickly and stand him in the corner. Robin says they can hang coats on him.
Frisky: Downstairs, Mildred wants George to zip up the back of her green dress. He insists that there won't be a party. "My mind's made up. It may be a small thing, but my mind's made up."
Mildred says, "George, I've lived with you all these years for one reason only. I need someone to zip me up. Now do it!" Muttering, he gets up and does it. She yelps at his roughness.
She says he should go and enjoy himself. He says he doesn't like enjoying himself. She tells him to let his hair down for once, "metaphorically speaking of course," one of the occasional references to his balding.
She's taking his whiskey upstairs, and she says since there won't be a party, no one will drink it. She'll be home about midnight, probably in a frisky mood.
As soon as she exits, he grabs a pen and paper. He mutters, "I'll give her a frisky mood." He writes a message that starts out, "PARTY CANCELLED."
Margo and Tom: 3'sC skips over those two scenes and so the next parallel scenes have the Mrs. Ropers at the party. Except, there are no other guests.
In the flat, Robin, Chrissy, Larry, and Mildred sit around glumly as a psychedelic instrumental plays. At the apartment, disco music is on. Janet is pacing, as the others sit. The British tune ends. Amer-Chrissy gets up and turns off the record player.
Brit-Larry says, "Have a sandwich, Mrs. R?", yes, with that abbreviation. She says one was quite enough. She asks, "Is anyone else coming or is it just me?" Chrissy says there will be lots of people. They just haven't turned up yet.
There's silence and then Robin says it's 10 past 10. Over in America, Helen says it's after 10.
Mildred laughs and says, "Isn't this fun?" But she's forcing it.
Amer-Chrissy says it's an omen. If you give a party and no one shows up, it means bad luck is coming your way. Janet says that's an old wives' tale. Chrissy says she heard it from Joan Frazier, who's only 24.
Brit-Larry, who's been eating one of his sandwiches, says, "Perhaps we should start without them." Robin says, "Off you go, good luck." But when Janet suggests starting the party without them, her friends agree.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says that she's sure any minute now, all their friends will come pouring/barging through that front door. Everyone looks at the door, but no one arrives. Janet says, "Or maybe not."
The last party they had, there were 75 people and the bed collapsed. Mildred says, "Pardon?" It was all those coats.
Robin says it's now 10 1/2 minutes past 10. Then, getting to his feet, he says this is ridiculous, and somebody should've arrived by now. He goes to the window. He sees Tom and Margo. Chrissy says they're always the last to arrive. He says this time they're the first.
Jack goes to the front door and sees a car pulling up. It's Margo and Tom. Janet says they're always the last ones to come to a party. He says this time they're the first, and maybe it's a surprise party.
Robin puts on another psychedelic tune, but a funkier one. He invites Mrs. Roper to dance. She twists low.
Jack plays the record and says, "Come on, Mrs. Roper. We're gonna have a swingin' time. Get down!" He tries to be funky, but she dances close. (So Robin's T-shirt was right.) She says, "What do we need with other people?" He plays along and dances cheek to cheek.
Brit-Chrissy says Tom and Margo are going away again. Robin goes to the window to look. Then he excuses himself to Mrs. Roper, who keeps dancing, and he exits.
Then she stops and saunters over to Larry, who's drinking alcohol and eating a sandwich. She beckons with her finger and dances at him, smiling. He reluctantly sways a little.
Janet and Amer-Chrissy have gone out the door and they now return, saying that Margo and Tom are getting back in their car. Jack lets go of Mrs. Roper and calls after Margo and Tom. Then he heads downstairs.
We see Robin run downstairs to the front door. He calls out to Tom and Margo. Then he sees a sign on the outer door: "PARTY CANCELLED. ORDER OF LANDLORD." He takes it down.
Emerging into the darkness in a rather sinister way, George says, "When I say a thing is cancelled, Son, it's cancelled. I've also disconnected your doorbell, so there."
Mildred and Brit-Chrissy come downstairs. Robin shows them the sign. Now George is nervous. Mildred growls, "This time you've gone too far! Get in there!"
Over in America, Janet wonders why Margo and Tom left. Chrissy says maybe they thought they weren't late enough. Then there's the exchange about 75 people breaking the bed, with Helen intrigued, and then disappointed when she hears about the coats.
Jack returns with a note that was stuck to the staircase downstairs. Helen recognizes Stanley's handwriting. She gasps and then says, "Oh no! This time he's gone too far!" She gives the note back to Jack and storms out.
Jack hands the note to Janet, who reads, "Sorry, Folks, party cancelled. Had to leave town."
Amer-Chrissy: Well, that--
Jack: Go ahead, Chrissy, say it for all of us.
Janet: Yeah.
Chrissy: That-- Roper!
They just look at her.
Toad: Later at the Ropers', Mildred/Helen is packing, Mildred in the lounge, Helen in the bedroom. George/Stanley claims she's bluffing, like the last time she said she was going to leave him. Then he says that something's upset her, Stanley adding that that's the only time she stops talking. George wants to discuss this like rational people. Mildred/Helen calls her husband a toad. Stanley says, "Well, that's better. At least we're communicating."
Mildred is going to her sister. George says that the sister never did like him. Mildred says, "No one likes you. If you had a grain of common sense, you wouldn't like yourself."
Helen says the party was the straw that broke the camel's back, and she's going to stay with her sister.
Mildred says that this isn't just because of the party. She's been meaning to leave him since the day he walked down the aisle with two of his fly buttons undone. The audience laughs a lot. She says she had to do the buttons up while the vicar wasn't looking. (During the ceremony? When would the vicar not be looking at the bridal couple?) George says, "Is that what you were doing?"
When Mildred closes the lid of her suitcase, she hits his hand, and doesn't apologise.
Out in the entryway, Robin is coming down with a box of booze. He tells Chrissy that he won't get his money back, since he didn't pay yet, but it'll get the booze off the slate.
The Ropers exit their apartment, still arguing. Mildred tells Robin and Chrissy, "Bye-bye, Loves. I'll drop you a line." George still acts like she's bluffing, even when she leaves the building. Then he turns to the kids and says, "Now see what you've done!"
And we break for adverts.
Helen doesn't say goodbye to anyone. She slams both the bedroom door and the front door. From the bedroom, Stanley asks, "How far are you gonna carry this bluff?"
And we go to commercial.
Betty: Upstairs, Jack hangs up and tries another number. Janet says he's not going to get anybody to come back for a party now. Amer-Chrissy says, "Yeah, I'm already here, and I don't wanna come."
Jack is calling Betty, whom he says is crazy about him. He thinks she'll call a couple girlfriends, who'll call a couple fellas. Jack tells Betty (offscreen) that a practical joker put up the sign. When he hears she's undressed and in bed, he says, "Well, how about me coming over there right now?" She hangs up.
Someone knocks and they get their hopes up. Mr. Roper announces himself. Janet calls him a fink and doesn't want Jack to let him in. Jack says, "I'm gonna let him in and then let him have it." He opens the door.
Jack and Stanley say in sync, "I hope you're happy! Do you know what you did?" Then Jack says, "You spoiled our party," as Stanley simultaneously says, "My wife left me."
Stanley says it's their fault, for filling Helen's head with "all those ideas." He asks, "Why would she leave a man like me if she wasn't crazy?" Then he says, "Let her stay away." It'll be a vacation for him. He can do what he likes.
He's about to leave but then he says he feels hungry. Helen didn't make him dinner before she left. He helps himself to the party food. The trio look on in disbelief.
Foofoo: Time passes. Everyone's in a different outfit, and we're in the kitchens. Robin is cooking in his naughty apron, as Chrissy and Larry sit at the table. Jack is sampling the dish he's making, as Amer-Chrissy sits at the table.
Janet enters the kitchen, having finished answering Mrs. Roper's letter. Brit-Chrissy is writing to Mrs. Roper, telling her that "we're well and Mr. Roper's well." Robin says, "You could mention that we're thinking of leaving him, too."
Robin also says Brit-Chrissy has been encouraging Mr. Roper by saying hello.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says Mrs. Roper says she's coming back when pigs grow wings. Annoyed, Robin says, "That could be weeks." This ends up as a spacy Amer-Chrissy line and gets applause.
Robin says Mr. Roper was whining, sighing, and groaning last night. Brit-Chrissy says, "Perhaps we should've let him in." Robin says they let him in Wednesday and he left Thursday. He does a good imitation of Mr. Roper telling a war story.
Robin calls Mr. Roper such a bore. Larry points out that Mr. Roper hasn't shaved in a week. Robin says he's a hairy bore.
Brit-Chrissy wonders where the envelopes are. Robin says they're in Foofoo the Frog, Jo's pyjama case. Jo doesn't wear pyjamas, which is why she keeps her envelopes in there. Chrissy says, "Of course." Clearly, this was meant to be a quirky Jo explanation that they ended up giving to Robin.
Robin says that the last time Mr. Roper came round, he had a knife and fork sticking out of his breast pocket.
After Amer-Chrissy goes into the living room, Jack says Mr. Roper is up here all the time. Janet is going to mail the letter, so he follows her into the living room. He says he doesn't want Roper mooching off more meals from them. Janet says that Jack was the one who invited him up here last time. Jack says he had to, since Mr. Roper was standing there with a knife and fork sticking out of his shirt pocket.
In an unusually sensitive moment, Larry says that Mr. Roper comes up here because he's sort of lost. Robin says, "He thinks this is his flat?"
Mr. Roper knocks and calls to them. Robin nicknames him the lonely vagabond. Without knocking, Stanley calls, "Anybody home?"
Robin and Brit-Larry hide behind the settee. Jack and Amer-Chrissy hide behind the sofa.
Brit-Chrissy answers the door. George is unshaven with messy hair. His shirt is untucked, with the bottom button undone.
Stanley lets himself in. He says, "Did somebody say, 'Come in'?" His hair is rumpled and he's wearing a bathrobe over his clothes, but he doesn't look as bad as George.
Brit-Chrissy says she's on her way out to the post. Janet says she's going to mail a letter. They exit.
George comes in and sees Robin and Brit-Larry. Stanley steps in and sees Jack and Amer-Chrissy.
Amer-Chrissy: (whispering) Is he gone yet?
Stanley: (whispering) No.
Robin/Jack claims that they were looking for his sock, which rolled away. It was in a ball.
George/Stanley says he thought they might like some company. Robin says they've got plenty of company. "Somebody has been up here every night of the week. You." Jack says that's nice but they're very busy.
George/Stanley follows Robin/Jack into the kitchen and says that the dish Robin/Jack is cooking smells good. Robin/Jack says there's only enough for three.
George says he's not looking for charity. Robin says, "You've come to the right place. We haven't got any."
George says he has bread & scrape, eggs, and a bit of cocoa. Robin says George can make a cocoa omelet. Stanley has peanut butter, bread, and a knife.
George burns his tongue sampling Robin's dish.
Brit-Larry comes in and says he couldn't find Robin's sock.
Larry: I brought you a glass of vino instead.
Robin: I won't be able to put my foot in it, but thanks anyway.
George: I haven't had a glass of wine in a long time.
Robin: Well, keep up the the good work.
George takes awhile to leave. Robin tells him to enjoy the cocoa omelet.
Stanley again tells Jack that the food smells good. Leaning close, Jack says, "So do you. What are you wearing?" The audience applauds. Stanley backs away and says he has to go. Jack says, "So soon?"
As Amer-Chrissy comes in, Jack seasons the dish, and Mr. Roper sneaks a chicken leg into his robe. After he leaves, Chrissy says, amused, "Mr. Roper's starting a new takeout business....I've heard of chicken in a bucket, but I've never seen chicken in a pocket." Jack is confused.
Missing her: Brit-Chrissy returns as George comes downstairs. Stanley comes downstairs, eating chicken, which he hides in his robe pocket again when he sees Janet. Stanley asks Janet if she mailed her letter OK, and she tells him how easy it was.
George invites Brit-Chrissy in for a chat. Stanley wants to talk to Janet privately. Both girls are reluctant, but they give in because they feel sorry for Mr. Roper.
The flat and apartment are very messy, with newspapers everywhere. George says the flat needs a woman's touch, and Mildred did keep the place tidy. Stanley says Helen really used to keep the apartment neat.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says that George/Stanley misses his wife. He denies it but says the bird does. (On 3'sC, there's a close-up of the parakeet, which chirps.) George/Stanley hears the bird at night, laying awake, missing Mrs. Roper. Stanley adds the detail that the bird tosses and turns.
Brit-Chrissy: I expect he's quite fond of her, really.
George: He didn't realise till she was gone how fond of her he was.
Janet: He likes her, huh?
Stanley: Now that she's gone, he realizes how much he likes her.
Brit-Chrissy: He could telephone her, ask her to come back.
George: No, I don't let him use the phone.
Chrissy: But you could phone, if only for his sake.
George: No, if I did that, she'd think it was me, and she hates me.
Chrissy: Oh, she doesn't hate you. She may be a bit bored with you, a bit fed up. She may even dislike you a bit, or even a lot.
George: You keep going, you'll work your way back to hate.
Janet: How about a telephone call, asking her to come back?
Stanley: I don't let him use the phone.
Janet: Well, uh, you could call her. You know, for his sake.
George: I mean, be honest. If you were Mildred, would you come back to me?
Brit-Chrissy: Well, not the way you look at the moment. But if you smartened yourself up, had a shave. Have you got a clean shirt?
George: You'd come back then?
Chrissy: I wouldn't, but she might.
He asks if he's let himself go a bit. She nods.
Stanley: Janet, tell me something. If you were Helen, would you come back to me?
Janet: No. Well, uh, I mean, not the way you're looking now. (stroking his hair) But, um, if you combed your hair, you know. (stroking his back) And, uh, you got all dressed up.
Stanley: Then you'd come back?
Janet: I wouldn't. Uh, but she might. Sure, she might.
He smooths his hair and looks hopeful.
Einstein: Upstairs in the kids' flat later, Larry sits at the kitchen table. Robin, annoyed, says the meal is piping hot, but where is she? "Gallivanting to the post box." Larry tells him not to get his pinny (apron) in a twist. Robin exclaims, "My father was right! They don't deserve good food!"
Brit-Chrissy comes in and says she's just been speaking to Mr. Roper. Robin says, "What? Alone, unaided? Sit down, I'll get you a brandy."
As Robin dishes up the food, Chrissy says that Mr. Roper is a proud man. She doesn't know what he's proud of, but he is. He told her he'll ask his wife to come back after she's come back, and not before.
Larry: That don't make sense.
Robin: If it doesn't make sense to Einstein here, what chance have the rest of us got?
Larry: (sarcastically) Oh, nice.
I'm guessing that this exchange, perhaps in a slightly different form, was originally for Jo and Robin.
Chrissy says they'll have to do something. Robin suggests "arsenic in his bread & scrape, or the merciful bullet." She goes to phone Mrs. Roper.
Overall: At least a week has passed, but the long-brown-haired young couple are still at (or back at) the White Swan, now playing darts. The older couple are sitting at the back of the bar. You go, British extras! (My all-time favorite sitcom-extras moment is in a Brady Bunch episode, where the same students repeatedly walk by Marcia and her boyfriend.)
George comes in with a bouquet of yellow flowers. He's shaven and nicely dressed. He goes to the bar, where a mousy middle-aged woman is sitting. Percy says, "Mr. Roper, you look quite presentable. What happened?" George orders a drink and tells Percy to have one himself. Percy says, "It is Mr. Roper, isn't it?"
George says he's off to see his wife, give her a bit of a surprise. Then he says they'd better make the drink a huge one, for him. Mildred is staying with her sister for a few days, till she learns her lesson. The flowers are for her. Percy says, "Oh my. And I'd thought I clicked."
George will have a quick couple of these drinks and then he's off to Purley. (That Mildred's sister lives in Purley was established on "We Shall Not Be Moved.") He won't crawl. Percy says the bus is much the best way. They both drink.
George: You're coming with me, Woman. No argument, you'll do as you're told.
Mousy woman: I beg your pardon?
He apologises.
She's the woman from the pet shop. He didn't recognise her with her clothes on, meaning she usually wears an overall. She says she's Mrs. Hollins and asks after his "little Whatshisname." George is embarrassed, till she remembers the name, Oscar. George says Oscar is all right, a bit lonely this time of year. She says, "Aren't we all?"
He says, "Another Scotch, Percy." Then he offers to buy her a drink. She asks for a large Snowball, which is a cocktail. She's played by Hilda Braid, who would go on to do 210 episodes of Eastenders in her 70s.
Smock: Things go differently on 3'sC, in part because they're not using the Regal Beagle set this week. After Janet's pep talk, the scene fades and then reopens on the Ropers' living room. Stanley enters from his bedroom. His hair is combed and he's wearing plaid pants, a pink leisure-suity jacket, a wide-lapeled brown shirt, and a white undershirt. The audience laughs, whistles, and oohs.
The bird whistles, too. Stanley smiles and goes over to it. He says, "I look good, huh?" He says he's going to bring Helen back from her sister's. She'll come out and say, "Oh, Stanley!" He continues, "And I'm gonna say, 'Helen, I love you.' " He surprises himself, then says, "Yeah, what the hell. 'Helen, I love you.' I'm gonna go to the door," he opens his actual door, "and I'm gonna say, 'You're coming with me, Woman.' "
On the other side of the door is a middle-aged woman with blonde curly hair. She's holding a little paper bag. He recognizes her from the pet shop, Mrs. Hollins. He says he didn't recognize her at first with her clothes on. "I mean, I usually see you in that smock."
Diana Herbert debuted at 17 in Margie (1946) and is still working to this day, although now it tends to be as aunts and grandmothers. Her Mrs. Hollins is more attractive than Hilda Braid's, but I think this is deliberate.
Mrs. Hollins says, "You left this behind at the shop. It's the vitamins for your parakeet." She asks after the parakeet and Stanley says, "I'm lonely. I mean, he's lonely." She wants to look at the poor little thing, so they go over to the cage.
Gurgling: Upstairs in the flat, Mildred is in the armchair, while Chrissy serves her tea. Robin and Larry are on the settee. At the Amer-trio's apartment, the women are sitting on the couch, while Jack leans over them. Helen says she was so happy when they called.
On the subject of Mr. Roper missing his wife, Robin says that at night they hear gurgling sounds from downstairs. Larry says, "Nah, that's the lavatory." On 3'sC, these lines surprisingly go to Janet (with "gurgling sobs") and Helen (with "the toilet"). Robin/Janet says that the gurgling was from Mr. Roper, who's not the man he used to be. Mildred/Helen says, "He never was."
Brit-Chrissy: Mrs. Roper, he said to me, the only one I've ever loved has left me.
Mildred: Oho, has his budgie escaped then?
She's skeptical and wants to know his exact words.
Chrissy: "I miss the old bag."
Mildred: That sounds like him.
Larry says, "He did say he missed you." Robin says she must've missed Mr. Roper a bit. She says she's used to him, like a toothache.
Robin: Imagine life without him. I mean, never to see him. I grant you, it sounds attractive.
Larry: It certainly does.
Chrissy: Only to us, not necessarily to Mrs. Roper.
In America, this is all shortened to Chrissy saying, "The important thing is that he misses you."
Mildred/Helen says maybe she a was a bit hasty. Brit-Chrissy says, "Don't upset yourself. He's not worth it. Well, yes, he is worth it." The men agree. On 3'sC, Helen wonders if Stanley is worth it. Jack says, "Of course he is."
Mildred: No, he's not, but he's all I've got.
Helen: No, he's not, but he's mine.
Mildred says they've talked her into it. She stands up, looking determined.
Love means...: Downstairs, Stanley is pacing. George is talking to Oscar. He says, "They'd never let me see her. The sister, the husband, the goldfish. They do not like me." Although, based on previous mentions, he's probably right about his in-laws, he's clearly drunk at the moment. He pours himself another drink. He again says, "They'd never let me see her."
Mildred/Helen enters. Not seeing her, George says he's come home to Oscar, "me only friend." Moved, Mildred says, "He's not your only friend, George." They call each other's names a few times. She goes to him.
Mildred/Helen doesn't want her husband to say anything, just listen. Mildred says, "You can't help being the way you are." Perhaps she could've tried harder to understand.
Mildred: When two people love each other, George, does it really matter whether they like each other? You know, I mean all the time? I mean, isn't that what love is all about?
Helen: If two people love each other, does it matter whether they like each other? I mean, I mean, all the time. Isn't that what love is all about?
And then, Brit-Mrs.-Hollins enters from the bedroom, with a cigarette. She's not wearing a blouse, so we see her bra! She says, "Make mine a large one, Dear." Then she sees Mildred and is startled. Mildred is understandably outraged.
Brit-Larry and Robin are listening outside the door, as Chrissy sits on the stairs. Larry is smoking. We hear Mildred demand, "How dare you bring another woman into my house?" Mrs. Hollins says something about his little budgie. Then plates break. Not for the first time, Mildred calls George a dirty little devil. Robin thinks things are back to normal. Chrissy says, "Definitely back to normal."
And the episode ends there!
On 3'sC, Mrs. Hollins comes in from the kitchen, fully dressed, saying, "Here we are, nothing like some vitamins to pep a fellow up."
Helen: (confused rather than jealous) Oh, I didn't know you had company.
Stanley: Helen, I can explain.
Mrs. Hollins: I'm Mrs. Hollins. I just came over to see his little friend.
Helen blinks, speechless. As Stanley pushes Mrs. Hollins out, he says, "It's not what you think."
Mrs. Hollins: (exiting) Nice meeting you.
Helen: Likewise.
Stanley: Helen, before you lose your temper, you gotta believe me, nothing happened!
Helen: I know.
Stanley: You don't know! I'm a man! I'm capable!
Helen: Given time.
Stanley: You caught me with another woman. You should be shocked! And upset!
Helen: OK, so I'm shocked and upset.
Stanley: That's better.
Helen says she didn't come back home to fight with him. She came back to forgive and forget. He smiles and thanks her. He says, "I'm glad you came back." He hesitantly kisses her. The audience applauds.
She smiles and says, "Thank you, Stanley." She says the best part of a fight is the making up. She tells him, "Come on, Lover." He says, "I knew there was a catch to it." She takes his hand and leads him to the bedroom. We see his hand grab the doorframe, but she keeps pulling until his hand lets go.
Bride and bribery: In the American tag, everyone is sitting on or by the couch, the trio grinning, as Mrs. Roper talks about her husband. She says, "These last few days have been fantastic! Stanley's been so attentive and so loving and so romantic! I feel like a bride on her honeymoon!" No one points out that she spent her honeymoon playing Monopoly.
Janet says this is wonderful, and Chrissy says, "I'm happy for you."
Helen says she got Stanley to let them have their party. Jack asks how. It was bribery: a night off. The trio are amused.
And the episode ends.
Commentary: We don't know exactly what happens with the British versions of Mr. Roper and Mrs. Hollins, but it at least involves her taking off her blouse. I think they deliberately made her mousy in order to add to the shock factor. It's unclear if she's married, widowed, or divorced, but he of course is married. True, his wife has left him, but he was supposed to be going to collect her from her sister's, whether or not the in-laws dislike him.
We can be pretty sure that the American Mr. Roper did nothing but look at his bird with Mrs. Hollins, and, no, "bird" is not a euphemism here. Stanley is capable, but he seems genuinely less interested in sex and romance than George is. While Helen glows with his attentions, he is clearly reluctant to go in the bedroom with her, and he's later happy to have a night off. George, if you get him liquored up enough, can be rather amorous.
The borderline adultery aside, the British episode is better, mostly because of the humour, like the absurdism of the dancing sandwiches and the Spanish fighting sausage. Even Robin's line about putting his foot in a glass of wine is whimsical. I also like the turn of phrase "the merciful bullet." The Robin-as-annoyed-housewife bit is cute. And I like how many funny lines Percy gets. Jim the bartender never gets to be funny.
When Janet says that this is the first party they've had in over a year, she's apparently not counting the party on "Three's Christmas," perhaps because no one showed up at that one. It was slightly less than a year ago. The party previous to that was the one on "Strange Bedfellows," but Janet and Amer-Chrissy weren't there, as it was a party Jack threw while they were out of town. The party with the 75 coats must've been in between episodes.
As for the Brits, the last party we saw them throw was on "While the Cat's Away," back in January 1974. It did seem like a wild enough party for Mr. Roper to forbid them having another, although I don't think there were 75 people. It's likely that they, too, had a party in between episodes.
George makes another of his comments about the middle class, this time about how they took up hooliganism, presumably in the 1960s.
A "berk" is not exactly equivalent to a "jerk," since it's Cockney rhyming slang for "cunt," from "Berkeley hunt." But there's no comparable American term, and the change of one letter works.
There's another suggestion that Mildred masturbates, since she's holding five phallic symbols when she complains that George doesn't worship her body enough. This episode continues Mildred's half-joking suspicion that her husband loves the budgie more than he loves her.
Jack is more cooperative with Mrs. Roper's advances than Robin is, but then Helen is less aggressive than Mildred sometimes is towards Robin.
The British episode has another example of Chrissy being too innocent to get something, like Mr. Roper's curly hair on the "wig" episode, this time her not realising the noisy activity Larry's thinking of. I like that Larry and Chrissy get some moments together on their own, and seem to be getting along, an unexpected benefit to the Jo-less-ness.
The scenes between Brit-Chrissy & George and Janet & Stanley are sweet, particularly the way Chrissy keeps putting her foot in her mouth, as she later does with Mrs. Roper.
It's cool that all the celebrities mentioned on MatH are ones that Americans (at least in the '70s) would be familiar with, no need for me to resort to Wikipedia this time. The Bay City Rollers feel too teenybopper for Larry's taste, but who knows.
A quick note on the new closing credits for MatH. They've added pictures of keychains for the trio. Robin's says, "MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR," suggesting that his view of free love is a carryover from the '60s. Chrissy's is the letter C and a red heart. Jo has the letter J and a picture of a blond man holding an animal. The keychains are all together at the end, and Robin and Chrissy get theirs individually, but Sally Thomsett's name is omitted here. We'll see what happens next week....
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