"Come into My Parlour"

Mary Howitt published "The Spider and the Fly" in 1829 as a warning against lying seducers, and seductive liars.  It opens " 'Will you walk into my parlour?' said the Spider to the Fly."  This MatH episode, which could never have been Americanized into a 3'sC episode, plays off that poem, but not in the way I expected.  It aired a week after "Cuckoo in the Nest" and feels like it takes place soon after, but not immediately.


Cook Book:  Robin is reading Sex Maniacs Cook Book, while Jo is making a sandwich, thus setting up a food/sex dynamic.  She's on a diet, but this isn't a mealtime so it doesn't count.  Chrissy comes in and says that Robin has been stubbing out his cigarettes on her rubber tree plant.  This probably symbolises something, too.


Robin has an upcoming date with another girl from his technical college, this one studying Biology.  He's looking for recipes to seduce her.  He asks if either of his flatmates has eaten oysters.  Jo has.  She was in bed for three days, but with food poisoning.  He thinks that's close enough.  He's also going to serve steak tartare, which "rumour has it was the downfall of Doris Day."


Traditional:  As Chrissy puts items in her cart at the supermarket, Robin keeps asking the plain-looking shop assistant for various seductive items, till she finally tells him to look in the Aphrodisiacs aisle.  Unable to find powdered rhinoceros horn or even oysters, he decides not to get his date going on food.  Instead he'll use "a traditional English method....I'm gonna get her pissed."  (In the traditional English sense of drunk.)  Chrissy laughs.


Joan of Arc:  Jo and Larry are sitting at the usual table at the pub when Chrissy and Robin come in.  Chrissy bought Jo's slimming bread, although it doesn't seem to be working.  Jo thinks perhaps she isn't eating enough of it.


The fellows order drinks from Jim (although he's not shown).  Larry says he's getting the walls in the attic ready for papering.  Robin says he can't help since he's got a girl coming round.  Larry says, "We'll both be stripping off then, eh?"


When Larry hears that it's Angie from the technical college, he says she told him no.  Robin says, "Where the pupil fails, the master may succeed."  Larry points out that Angie was convent-educated, but Robin thinks she's warm under her coldness.


Chrissy has been listening for awhile and she now says that Joan of Arc and Florence Nightingale didn't "spread it about."  What does that make them?  Robin answers, "Dead, so let that be a warning to you."


Chrissy:  You want my opinion, we'd better off without men.  (She grabs a packet of crisps and then speaks to Robin.)  Oh, er, pay for those, will you?  (She goes back to her seat.)
Robin:  She wants to have it both ways.
Larry:  (intrigued) Does she?


Flash:  As Mildred is doing her mascara, George comes in with his holiday snaps.  She says that on their holiday, it tiddled down for ten days and he still got sunstroke.  He says she was laid up with Spanish tummy, so she couldn't go out anyway.  She says the hotel looked like a jail.  He says it was 27 quid, including the flight and meals.


Robin comes by.  She warns him that the holiday snaps are even more boring than they were last year when George forgot to take the lens cap off. 


Robin wants to borrow back his omelet pan.  While Mildred gets it from the kitchen, George shows Robin the pictures.  George says of the photo of the flamenco dancer in the nightclub, "I had a flash there."  But the "best" photo is of Mildred changing out of her costume.  (Bathing costume?)  Mildred is understandably shocked.


Web:  Later in the kitchen, spelling out the meaning of the title, Chrissy tells Robin, "You're like a spider in the middle of your web, waiting to trap her."


He, wearing his naughty apron, thinks she's jealous.  He puts his arms around her and keeps teasing that she's jealous, till she pulls away.
Chrissy:  Go and stuff your peppers!
Robin:  I have already stuffed my peppers, with hot, spicy meat.  To give her a thirst.  (He holds up a wine bottle.)
Chrissy:  Typical.  How long have you known this poor girl?
He says he's taken her out a couple times, to the disco and cinema, and tonight, with any luck, it'll be "bingo."


Annoyed, she goes into the lounge.
Chrissy;  Honestly, that's all he ever thinks about.  Sex.
Jo:  Well, you were only in there for two minutes.
Chrissy:  Not with me!
Jo:  Oh, I thought you were annoyed about something.


He's going to kick them out, since it's his turn to have the flat.  Chrissy says she'll put a smock on first, since Larry paints like a lawn sprinkler.


Robin:  (as he escorts Jo out) A word of warning.  Watch Larry.  He's like a spider in the middle of his web.  Waiting. 
Jo:  I'm only going up there to hold his ladder.
Robin:  That's how it always starts.


He goes in his bedroom, takes off his apron, sprays himself with cologne, and gives thumbs up to the sign on his wall, "LOVE ONE ANOTHER."  There's also a poster of a woman with exposed breasts.  He goes back to the lounge, puts the lights on, puts alcohol on a tray, turns the lights off, and sets the tray down.


Chrissy watches the last of this with her arms crossed.  "If you're not careful, you'll frighten Miss Muffet away," she says, invoking another cautionary poem.  Then she tries to talk seriously to him.
Chrissy:  Listen, Robin, have you got any genuine feelings for this Angie?
Robin:  Well, yes, of course.
Chrissy:  Apart from lust.
Robin:  (slowly) Oh, I see, you're talking about love and respect and, er, sharing and caring for her.
Chrissy:  (smiling in surprise) Yeah.
Robin:  I've got none of that, just lust.


The doorbell rings and he says he'll say Chrissy is the cleaning woman.
Chrissy:  You will not!
Robin:  Well, look, just say hello, goodbye, and then get out.


He greets Angie and takes her coat.  Then the two girls recognise each other, Chrissy calling Angie "Angela."  Angela has been in London three months but didn't know where Chrissy lived.  They were in school together and haven't seen each other in years.  Robin of course wants Chrissy to leave, but Angela says, "We're only going to eat and play records and chat, aren't we?"


The old friends talk about Jillian with the bad teeth and flat chest.  Angela says Jillian had them capped.  "They file them to a point and then they fit new ones on."


When Robin hints that Chrissy should go, Angela says, "Couldn't you stretch it so Chrissy could have some?", meaning dinner.  Chrissy looks at Robin with big eyes and an innocent smile.


Miss Whitaker:  The next morning, as Jo butters toast, she says, "I was only up there for five minutes and he put his arm around me."
Chrissy:  That's Larry.
Jo:  Then he put his other arm around me.
Chrissy:  Typical.
Jo:  Then he hoisted me up the ladder to whitewash his blasted ceiling.


Chrissy says she meant to come up, but she and Angela had lots to talk about.  Jo asks if Robin minded.  Robin hears this as he comes in.
Robin:  Did Robin mind?  Robin sat there for three solid hours, listening to hockey, netball, Jillian the school swot, Miss Whitaker the popular games mistress.  (to Jo) Would you like to know about Miss Whitaker?  Because Robin knows her life story.  And then Robin eventually went to bed and left them to it.  (He exits.)
Chrissy:  No, he didn't mind.
Jo:  I think he did.


Chrissy says she used to look after Angela in school. 
Jo:  But, Chrissy, she's not still in blue woolly bloomers.
Chrissy:  She wouldn't have been in any bloomers if I'd left her alone with him.
Jo:  So you stayed here and played gooseberry in the manger.


Robin returns and talks about Amy the tomboy, "who used to flick ink pellets, and Chrissy got blamed for it, didn't you, Chrissy?  And you know they took away her job as milk monitor, didn't they, Chrissy?"  He exits again.
Chrissy:  Well, I didn't flick the ink pellet.
Jo:  Oh, I'm staying out of this one.


Chrissy says Angela said she's serious about Robin.  And Chrissy knows Robin isn't at all serious about Angela.


Larry comes in to borrow a plate, but ends up "borrowing" eggs, bacon, knife, and fork.  Chrissy sarcastically offers the cooker.  He says he has his own, but it's not connected.  He tries the food and says it looks like it has bits of coal.  Jo says those are mushrooms.  They also smell and taste like coal.


Larry is going down to the pub later.  He's looking forward to the happy smiling faces.


Strawberry Ripple:  But at the Mucky Duck, the four of them look unhappy.  Larry and Jo don't blame Robin for being annoyed with Chrissy.  They think she's wrong.  While Robin is at the bar, Jo says, "You're not her mother."  Chrissy says, "I was her milk monitor."


Mr. Roper wants to show Robin more holiday snapshots, but Robin says, "I'm sorry, I find holiday snaps very boring."  Undeterred, Mr. Roper says that he does, too, other people's anyway.


When Robin comes back to the table, Chrissy apologises, although she admits she doesn't mean it.


Larry says that there will be other evenings and Robin is taking Angie out tonight. 
Robin:  To the cinema.  You can't do a lot in the cinema, can you?
Larry:  Yeah, that's true.  You're liable to put your foot in somebody's Strawberry Ripple.
(I thought at first he meant the '70s wine, but maybe he means strawberry ripple ice cream or something else more likely to be served at the cinema.)


Jo tries to comfort Robin by saying, "Well, there will be other evenings when you'll have the flat to yourself."  But Robin says he'll take tonight.


When Mr. Roper comes over, Robin invites all of them to the Ropers' to look at the holiday snaps.  He can't go himself because he has someone coming round.  Larry says he's decorating, and Jo says she's helping him.  So it'll just be Chrissy.


Horses and nuns:  That night, Robin does a repeat of the cologne and everything, except this time he also sprays it on the sign and his sheets.  Then he does the routine with the lounge lights and the tray of drinks.  Chrissy again watches with crossed arms.


He asks, "What do you think of my little web?"  After hesitating, she says that Angela hasn't been around very much.
Chrissy:  She's liable to take this sort of thing more seriously than you do.  She's had a lot to do with horses....And nuns.  Girls who've had a lot to do with horses don't often know a lot to do with men.  And life.
Robin:  Well, if you think it might make her feel any easier, I could wear a nosebag.


Robin makes her leave with Jo because he's worried she'll start chatting with Angie again.  He tells them not to come back before midnight, which, judging from "In Praise of Older Men," is their standard rule for having dates over. 


On the landing outside the flat, Chrissy asks if Jo wants to swap, meaning Jo would look at the holiday snaps while Chrissy helps Larry.  Jo says, "Not likely."


Fly:  After Chrissy knocks on the Ropers' door, Angela comes in the front door.  (It never seems to be locked.)  Chrissy starts to warn her about Robin, but Mr. Roper comes out to greet Chrissy.  He's dug out some holiday snaps from Cornwall, the year before last.  He asks of Angela, "Who was that?"  Chrissy says, "Just a fly."


Parlour:  This neatly transitions to Robin telling Angie, "Welcome to my parlour."  She thought they were going to the cinema, but he says it's only Curse of the Zombies and it'll be on TV (yes, he says TV, not the telly) in five years' time.


He asks what she drinks besides milk, and offers her Scotch.  She says yes, with lots of soda.  But, hoping to get her pissed, he puts in only a little soda.


He asks if she's been doing much riding lately.  She asks if he rides.  He says yes, but he can't keep his feet in the stirrup cups.


Gone with the wind:  Mildred hopes that George will take a break from the snaps.  "Even Gone with the Wind had an interval."  But George wants to show Chrissy their wedding photos.  Mildred thinks he should show something happier.  He says it was a happy occasion, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickess and in health. She says, "I lost the toss on every one."  She got married in navy blue, not exactly traditional.  George was in uniform.  He was a bus conductor, for about a fortnight.


Chrissy keeps looking up at the ceiling, worried about what's happening upstairs. 


Mildred:  There's no stopping him, once he gets going.
Chrissy:  What?  (realising she means George) Oh, him, yeah.
Mildred:  I mean, he'll keep it up till he's blue in the face.
Chrissy:  (still looking up) Yeah.
Mildred:  I mean, you know, he'll never take no for an answer.


George says it's a pity that the young fellow and his lady friend couldn't come down.  Mildred offers Chrissy another sherry but decides against it when Chrissy says the pictures are very good.  Chrissy tells George that they don't know what they're missing upstairs.  He suggests she invite them down.  She says she doesn't want to intrude, but there's nothing stopping him from popping upstairs.


Serious:  When we return upstairs, we see a close-up of a foot in pantyhose.  (A Graduate reference?)  The camera pans to Robin and Angie cuddling on the couch.  As he talks, she plays with his gold chain.  He says they've explored each other's minds and it's time to move on. 
Angie:  Are you really serious?
Robin:  Oh, yes.


She sits up and starts undoing the buttons on the front of her dress.  She tells him to not expect too much, since it'll be her first time.  At first he thinks she's kidding.  She says she knows it's old-fashioned, but she's been saving herself for someone who's really serious about her.  Some men think of women as sex objects.  One of the nuns told her that it's wrong unless you're married, but Angie thinks nowadays it's perfectly all right even before you're married.


He's really thrown for a loop.  He says there are a lot of men in this world she shouldn't trust, they're like spiders.  He stops her from further unfastening, when she's gotten down to around her navel.  He tries to rebutton her.


Angie:  Is this your first time, too?
Robin:  Well, I mean, erm, it's the first time for the first time, you see.


He thinks men and women should get to know each other before marriage. 
Robin:  You see, I'm not ready.
Angie:  Well, we've got all evening.
Robin:  I mean for marriage!


He pulls away and jumps off the sofa.  He starts to say she doesn't know much about men and life.  Then the doorbell rings.  Robin pulls Mr. Roper in, relieved.  He insists on George showing his holiday snaps to Angie.  Chrissy comes to the doorway and looks both baffled and annoyed.


Commentary:  The Howitt poem ends, "And now dear little children, who may this story read,
To idle, silly flattering words, I pray you ne'er give heed:
Unto an evil counsellor, close heart and ear and eye,
And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly."


It certainly works on the level of a poem for children, but the implication of sex is there.  The question is, what lesson are we to draw from this tale of MatH15? 


The fly in the poem presumably dies, although all we know is that "He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den,/ Within his little parlour -- but she ne'er came out again!"  Robin says that Joan of Arc and Florence Nightingale are dead, so let that be a warning to Chrissy, presumably to spread it about, or at least not to interfere with Angie spreading it about.


Even before Chrissy knows that Angie is her old schoolmate Angela, she worries about the poor girl he's trying to trap.  Although he and Jo think Chrissy is just jealous, I don't think that's what's going on here, and I don't count this as a RCST episode. 


Angela was convent-educated, as even Larry knows.  It's not clear if this was while she was at school with Chrissy, or if the girls went to primary school together and then Angela went to a Catholic secondary school.  (And now she's taking Biology at the technical college.)  Whether or not Chrissy was convent-educated, she seems to have obeyed the rules in school well enough to become milk monitor.  She also took a protective interest in Angela.  The "not her mother, but milk monitor" exchange is funny because it suggests mother's milk, but it also means that Chrissy took her position of authority in a motherly way that still affects how she sees other women.


Brit-Chrissy admittedly never seems protective of Jo in the way that Janet is of Amer-Chrissy.  Brit-Chrissy is a big sister to Jo, but the teasing, competitive sort.  I think this is because Jo, despite her occasional dottiness, is basically sensible and can take care of herself.  But with the poor convent-educated girl, Chrissy's maternal instincts come out.  And then when she learns that Angie is Angela, and that Angela is serious about Robin, she becomes even more protective.


Another thing going on here, related to that, is that Chrissy doesn't trust men, Robin in particular, since she gets regular demonstrations of his seduction techniques, on her and other girls.  Chrissy was always wary, but I think the experience with Ian has made her even more suspicious.  After all, she said then that she was through with men, and we haven't seen her on a date since, although she has flirted with Robin.  She still thinks we (women) would be better off without men, although they are nice to pay for things like crisps.


When Robin says she wants it both ways, Larry reacts as if Robin has called Chrissy bi.  Is that a possibility?  Could Chrissy be interested in Angela romantically?  Maybe, very subconsciously, but I don't get that sense.  Her feelings are more sisterly or maternal than romantic.


Jo says Chrissy played "gooseberry in the manger."  This is a combination of two old-fashioned terms.  "Playing gooseberry" is from the Victorian era and roughly means to chaperone, although it can be equivalent to the modern term "cockblock," with the term "gooseberry" by itself dating back to the 1700s and meaning "the unwanted companion of a pair of lovers."  The dog in the manger comes from a Greek fable that can be summed up as "There was a dog lying in a manger who did not eat the grain but who nevertheless prevented the horse from being able to eat anything either."  Jo is saying that not only didn't Robin (and perhaps Angela) want Chrissy there last night, but she was preventing Angela from having Robin when Chrissy herself refuses to have him.  According to wikipedia, the sexual interpretation of the fable is quite common, the Bronte sisters among others having noticed it.  I suppose, if you want to go with the bisexual subtext of this episode, Chrissy was also preventing Robin from having Angela because she's too closeted to go for Angela herself.


Even when Chrissy is downstairs at the Ropers', she can't stop worrying about Robin and Angela, and she applies Mildred's words about George ("blue in the face," etc.) to Robin.  It's ironic that Mildred, from a supposedly more sexually repressed generation, clearly wasn't a virgin when she married George, the navy blue dress and her past with the buck sergeant (and perhaps others) telling us this.


In the end, Chrissy uses the subplot of Mr. Roper's holiday snaps against Robin, as he's used it against her, but things don't turn out the way either of them expect.


And now to examine Robin's role in this.  At first, it's pretty straightforward.  He's going to seduce a girl using food or at least alcohol.  The food = sex equation that's suggested by Jo's diet and more overtly by Robin's cookbook is reinforced by Robin stuffing his peppers with hot, spicy meat.

Everyone sees through him except Angie.  Even the shop assistant does, and ironically Hilda Kriseman will return as his mother.  Despite his track record on the show, he thinks he's a master of seduction.  (The dynamic between him and Larry is very different than between Jack and Amer-Larry, who's supposed to be more of a lady's man, and sleazier, than Jack.)  He doesn't mind Chrissy's spider comparison, asking her what she thinks of his web and misquoting the Howitt poem to Angie.

With Liz, he talked about inner emotions and sharing something meaningful.  With Chrissy on "While the Cat's Away," he talked about the warm relationship.  But with Angie, he doesn't feel love, respect, caring, or sharing.  Yet he's still handing her a line, this time about exploring each other's minds.  Robin can't come right out and say, "Do you want to fuck?" (or the 1970s British television equivalent).  This being the time it is and he being the type of person he is, he has to disguise his physical urges with talk of emotions and thoughts.  (He even does this to himself, with his "LOVE ONE ANOTHER" sign.)  This is more dishonest, if less crude, and here at least it backfires on him.

It would've been funny if Angie was savvier than Chrissy thinks and she saw through Robin.  What if Angela was no angel and she was only pretending to be a virgin in order to pay Robin back for manipulating her?  She does appear to be completely sincere though, and I like that she seems like a real person who carefully considers her beliefs, not a stereotypical virgin or rebellious Catholic girl or something.  Caroline Dowdeswell gives a charming performance, and it's nice to know that she had a guest shot on Paula Wilcox's "single mum" sitcom of the late '70s, Miss Jones and Son.

Robin joked about perennial screen virgin Doris Day, but it turns out he's not ready for sex with a virgin.  This is a very old motif, as in Tom Jones (1749 novel), the rake who doesn't touch virgins.  I think in Robin's case it's not quite chivalry but more a dawning awareness that deflowering Angie would have consequences, including that she thinks it would lead to marriage.  Seriousness for him does not mean emotional seriousness.  He thought he would be "riding" tonight, but he can't keep his feet in the stirrups.

In the end, it's Robin whom Chrissy is mostly protecting, although she doesn't realise it.  And Mr. Roper saves the day with his "flash" photography.


A counterpoint to all this is the Larry & Jo sub-sub-plot.  Larry has been living in the attic long enough to want to redecorate, starting with the walls.  On "Colour Me Yellow," we learned that it's in the lease that they have to redecorate every three years, but Larry isn't waiting that long.  (No, I don't think three years have passed since last episode!)  The girls are both going to help, but then Chrissy ends up chatting the night away with Angela.  Even before this happens, Robin warns Jo against Larry, with the spider simile.  Jo says she's only going to hold Larry's ladder, but Robin says that's how it starts.

Instead, Larry puts Jo on the ladder and makes her whitewash the blasted ceiling.  It's hard to tell if she's annoyed because she had to do the work or because she thought he was making a move on her and he wasn't.  She's always disliked Larry less than Chrissy has and seems to get along with him all right now that he's not living in her flat.  We see them sitting in the pub together when Robin and Chrissy come in, and she agrees with him in Robin and Chrissy's argument.  She offers to help him again, although that's mostly to get out of seeing Mr. Roper's holiday snaps.  When given the chance to swap, she tells Chrissy, "Not likely."  All that said, I doubt anything happens upstairs in his "parlour."  Amer-Larry would've tried something but Brit-Larry mostly just makes innuendo with Robin and is restrained with the girls.

"Cuckoo in the Nest"

The calendar says almost eight months have passed since we visited the London flatmates, but in this episode we hear it's been only two weeks.  It's enough time for new credits to have been shot.  Rather than the scenes of the trio coming home, we now have a delightful outing at the zoo (yes, with a laughtrack).  We get Robin imitating a monkey, Chrissy dealing with a drinking fountain, and Jo blowing her nose as an elephant trumpets.  Also, the trio play with milk moustaches.  I love seeing the three of them interact and have fun, and not just because I was getting tired of seeing the "blind" man ogle poor Jo.  3'sC also later gets "zoo" credits, both opening and closing, but during the Terri years.  As for MatH's closing credits, I'll get to those at the end.  For now, it's 9 October 1974, Nixon has not only resigned but been pardoned, and it's been a rough two weeks at the flat.

He's got to go:  Larry is still in the flat, although now he's sleeping on the couch rather than in Robin's bed.  Robin goes in the kitchen and sees Chrissy up and dressed.  He panics since he thought it was Saturday.  He strips down to his briefs and starts to put on a shirt.  She says it is Saturday.  This is the only time she can get in the bathroom.  Larry's been monopolising it and not cleaning up after himself.  He even leaves a ring around the walls.

Robin:  I know you don't like Larry, but he is a friend of mine. 
Chrissy:  He's eaten all your breakfast.  There's no bread left.
There's no milk either.

To wake Larry, Robin leans over him and says, "Her husband's coming!"  (It works.)  Larry smokes as they talk.  They're Robin's fags.  He's even been smoking in his sleep.

Chrissy:  He's got to go!  He's got to go!  He's got to go!
Larry:  What's she trying to say?

Robin asks if Larry would like to hear it straight or diplomatically.  Larry chooses diplomatically.  So Robin says, "You're a thieving, scrounging pain in the neck, and you're getting on everybody's wick."  Larry is glad Robin didn't give it to him straight.

When Robin and Chrissy talk again, she says, "Two days you said we'd have to put him up.  He's been here two weeks!"  My impression from the last episode was that Robin was going to find a new place for Larry, and I don't see how that could've been done in two days.  But obviously these two weeks have felt longer.  And then Chrissy says that last night Larry was talking about where to put up the Christmas tree.  Now, it wasn't that many episodes ago that Jo's cheeks were frozen.  Are we supposed to believe that the second series took place over several months?  Or is this still February and Larry is just being particularly premature about December plans?

Jo comes in, on her way to the loo, but Larry takes her towel and goes into the bathroom himself.  Jo says, "He's got to go!"  Now Robin just doesn't call Larry "a friend of mine" but Larry is his best mate.

30 bob a week:  Downstairs at the Ropers', her hair looks softer.  (Actually, everyone's hair looks better to me, but then a lot can apparently happen in two weeks.)  She's complaining he's not giving enough, in this case her allowance.  (But I thought it was his allowance.  Why do I try to make sense of sitcoms?)  She gets only nine pounds a week.  He says that his mum brought up eight kids on 30 bob a week.  They had a very happy home, considering they were starving.

We now learn that not only is he a landlord, but he has a part-time job at a betting shop.  She thinks he should get a real job.  He gets so annoyed with her that he goes upstairs to his refuge in the attic.

Chrissy comes by as he leaves.  It turns out Larry borrowed Mrs. Roper's last pint of milk, but the milkman is coming by soon.  (In the '70s?  Wow!)  Mrs. Roper says that her husband has been cleaning out the attic for the past seven years, which tells me that Chrissy has been living there less than seven years, which I figured anyway.

Attic:  We see George in the attic, drinking and reading a girlie magazine with a fold-out.  No sign of him cleaning.

Dirty, untidy, and vacant:  Robin, while smoking (the pack wasn't completely empty), tries to kick Larry out.
Robin:  You don't know what I've been getting from those two girls.
Larry:  No, but I've got my suspicions, eh?
Robin:  Not that, the other.
Larry:  Yeah, that's what I mean.
Robin:  No, the complaints.

Larry says they've been friends for years.  (Even though Robin moved from Southampton just a few months ago?  Is Larry from Southampton, too?  Or did they meet elsewhere?  Or is the chronology just screwy this episode?)

Larry asks for one more week.  Robin will give him one more day.

Chrissy comes back with two bottles of milk and the news that "there's an attic upstairs that suits him down to the ground," a great pun that couldn't have translated to American.  She tells Robin, "It's dirty, untidy, and vacant.  Who does that remind you of?"  Robin knows the answer is Larry.

Jo comes in and says that Larry used up the hot water.  Chrissy tells her, "With a bit of luck, he'll be going up there."  In her sweet voice, Jo says, "Good idea, let's murder him."

In a day:  Back in the attic, George is reading about a Swedish seventeen-year-old.  When someone knocks, he hides his magazine and bottle.  Chrissy and Robin want to look at the attic.  When they see the mess, George says cleaning takes time, "Rome wasn't burnt in a day."

Chrissy sees that there's a stove, sink, and bed up there.  Robin says they could paint the attic.  George doesn't know they're thinking about Larry, so he says he doesn't want to live up there, he just wants to get away from his wife, especially her nagging.  She comes in as he's imitating her.

She asks the kids what they think.
Chrissy:  I think he'll be very comfortable up here.
Robin:  And he'll be out of everybody's way.
George:  Here, hang on a minute!

When he finds out they want the attic for Larry, he keeps objecting, but Mildred ignores him till she tells him to shut up.  She threatens, "Either you rent out this room, or you go out and get a proper job."  So he gives in.  Then she tells him, there's just one problem.  "Where are you gonna put all your dirty books now?"

Use your imagination:  Out on the landing later, Chrissy and Robin tell Larry to look at the possibilities and use his imagination.  He comes in and says "Bloody hell!"  He calls it a crummy attic.  Jo comes in and says, "Bloody hell!"

Then we cut to the four of them on the landing outside the flat.  Mr. Roper asks what Larry thinks of it.  Chrissy answers for Larry that he loves it.

The four young people go in the flat and Chrissy says she wouldn't mind living in the attic herself.  There'd be no one to pinch (in the sense of steal) her make-up or tights.  Jo denies that she does.  Robin queenily says he does.

Chrissy also says there'd be no more arguments about snoring.
Jo:  I don't snore.
Chrissy:  No, but I do, and I'm fed up feeling guilty about it.

She points out that it'd be seven pounds a week, less than she's paying to share.  Then Jo says she wouldn't mind living up there.  Robin says he doesn't want them falling out.  He'll take the attic.  He can bring a girl up there any time he likes.  Now Larry says it's his room.

Mr. Morris:  We switch back to the attic, where a Mr. Morris comes by to see what he sarcastically calls the "treasure house."  He finally says ten quid for the lot.  When George refuses this, he says, "Please yourself, but no one else will shift this lot for less than ten quid."

Fair:  Larry says he has first refusal.  On the other hand, he doesn't want to live up there with them resenting it.  Chrissy says he's lived down here with them resenting it.  When Larry's briefly out of the room, Jo says Larry only wants the attic because they do.  Chrissy compliments Robin's reverse psychology.  Robin smiles and smokes.

Larry comes back in with slips of paper.  To be fair, he's going to write everyone's name on slips of paper.  He even double-checks on the spelling.  When Mrs. Roper lets herself in, he has her draw a name.  She reads it, Larry.  Everyone's happy.  After Larry leaves the room again, she tells the trio that all the papers say Larry.  Robin rather thought they would.

Dearest Mil:  The girls and Larry clear out the attic, while Robin cleans a violin.  He uncovers the name, Stradwick.  So close.

While Larry's gone, the trio find and read old love letters that say things like, "Dearest Mil, all my love, Georgy."  They feel a little guilty reading something so private, but not enough to stop.

Robin reads, "I pant for your caresses.  For you, My Precious Flower, I could climb the highest mountain and ford the deepest river."  Chrissy says now Mr. Roper won't even bring in the coal for his wife.

Jo reads, "I shall never forget last night.  Your tiny hand in mine.  The butterfly touch of your hair against my cheek.  I hope my console (?) didn't put you off." 

When it's Chrissy's turn, she reads, "We wandered by the daffodils/ Beside the railway line/ A train ran past/ You didn't hear when I said, 'Please be mine.' "

George is in the doorway when Robin reads again.  It's very awkward.  He takes the letters and the trio apologise.  Robin says it wasn't so much the words as the way Mr. Roper spelled them.  George says he never claimed to be an educated man.  "I know these letters are silly.  Well, you write things like that, when you're younger, and still got hope."  It's a surprisingly poignant moment.

He tells them to throw the letters out with the rest of the junk.He says he was a bit oversentimental and romantic in those days.  "Perhaps I still am."  Then Mildred accidentally bumps the door as she's bringing in tea.  He scolds, "Watch what you're doing, you silly cow!"

It turns out that he told Mildred that he was only going to charge Larry five quid.  They start bickering.  She says that for twenty years, she's put up with his sneaking, penny-pinching ways.  He insults her back. 

Then Chrissy gives Mildred the stack of love letters, asking her to read them and remember how she felt.  Mildred says he's never written her a love letter.  The recipient turns out to have been Millicent Briggs, Mildred's maid of honour.  (Then how did they end up in the attic?)  Mrs. Roper calls her husband "you dirty little devil!" 

Closing credits:  The end credits have gotten racier.  For instance, when we learn that Mr. Morris was played Norman Chappell, the background picture is of various celebrities (Gable, Bogart, Flynn) and some topless woman.  And the very last picture is of something that I saw someone online refer to awhile back and has been puzzling me ever since, not because the meaning isn't clear but because it was absent during the show's first two series:  there's a rooster between two cats.  (Think about it.)

Commentary:  In an episode that's supposed to be about Larry, it's surprising that we learn so much about George.  Not only do we find out that he works in a betting shop, but we learn about his past.  He's one of eight kids who grew up in poverty.  (Earlier we'd found out he never saw an orange till he was 25.)  And he was in love with Mildred's maid of honour.  Somehow the show plays that for both laughs and tears.  There's the farcical side of him writing soppy love letters to another woman, but it's sad, too, that he cared for Millicent as he's never cared for his wife.  (And she meanwhile was probably pining for the American buck sergeant.)  On the other hand, he is still a mingy little ferret.

When Amer-Larry first shows up on "No Children, No Dogs," he probably doesn't live in the apartment building, but he does later.  I like the set-up here, how Larry doesn't just suddenly appear in the building, that we get the story of how he moves in.  Obviously, having him continue living with the trio wouldn't work, particularly since the girls can't stand him.  Also, they'd have to change the name of the show to Men About the House.  By now, I get the impression that there are only two flats in the building, the Ropers' and the trio's, very different than the set-up on 3'sC.  So adding Larry to the building is going to be enough of a change in itself.  Presumably he'll be able to drop by more now, and we'll get to see how he fixes up the attic.

I notice in this episode that Brit-Chrissy and Jo argue more than Amer-Chrissy and Janet do, even with Robin again trying to make peace by queenily claiming he's the one who borrows clothes and make-up.  When the American girls fight, it's a big deal, while the British girls are more like sisters.  I also note that Brit-Chrissy snores and I wonder if Robin will ever hear it.  I like how the writers are starting to play more off Jo's innocent persona, like making her say, "Bloody hell," and talk about killing Larry.  (There's also a weird moment in the attic where she sees a teddy bear and says it reminds her of her childhood teddy that she told all her secrets to, until she had to drown him for knowing too much.)

Perhaps because their living situation has been disrupted, we don't get any RCST this episode, even when Robin strips in the kitchen.  But looking at the synopses for the rest of the third series, the tension will be back....

"Carry Me Back to Old Southampton"

I suppose this episode, which aired on 13 February 1974, could've been Americanized, but it feels so rooted in who the British characters are, Robin in particular, that it's hard to imagine.  Before going into it, I'll note that this is at least the fourth episode title based on an old American song:  "And Mother Makes Four" from the line in 1927's "My Blue Heaven" about "Just Molly and Me, and baby makes three," "Some Enchanted Evening" from South Pacific (1949), "Two Foot Two, Eyes of Blue" from the refrain "Five foot two, eyes of blue" in the 1925 song "Has Anybody Seen My Gal?", and this one with "Old Southampton" substituted for "Old Virginny" in the song from 1878.

Champagne:  In a scene that does pop up on some episode of 3'sC, Mr. Roper is fixing the drain in the upstairs kitchen.  He complains about all the demands on him.  (Considering we mostly see him sitting around bickering with Mrs. Roper, I'm guessing there are harder working landlords in London.)  When he's under the sink, Chrissy pours tea down the drain, while the pipe is still removed.  The girls are very amused.  Then he tries to clean himself up and the water runs out onto his foot.

The girls got champagne to celebrate Robin's exam results.  When Robin comes home, he draws out the story and then calmly says he failed, due to nerves.  For instance, he put curry powder in the egg custard.  With the written exam, he got the date right.

Mr. Roper says, "I never passed an examination in my life, and look at me."  Then he excuses himself out.

The girls say it's not the end of the world.  Robin says that'll be when he tells his parents.

Orange:  Downstairs, Mr. Roper blames free love for Robin failing his exams, since it saps the brain.  (Considering that Robin seems to never get laid, you'd think he'd be top of his class.)  After listening to George pontificate on the younger generation, Helen sarcastically says, "What they need is a good war to straighten them out."  He keeps going though, revealing that "When I was his age, I'd been under a butcher for four years.  [This is said without innuendo.]  Four years, two quid a week, and all the offal I could eat."  He was 25 before he saw an orange.  She says at least Mr. Tripp tried.  He gleefully says, "And failed!"

Extruded:  Back in the flat, Robin says his dad wants him to come home and work in the family business, Tripp's Extruded Tubing, Southampton, Ltd.  Jo says her father wanted her to be a Royal Marine, before she was born and turned out to be a girl.

The Laughing Landlord:  Robin goes over to Larry's for advice.  Larry says we've all been failures at some point.  Look at Edward Heath, at one point wandering around without shoes.  Of course he was eighteen months at the time.

Larry says Robin will be the boss's son, the trendy young executive with the flash car and dolly secretary sprawled across his blotter.  Half the birds in Southampton want to marry the boss's son.  "And if I concentrate on the other half," Robin muses.

A dour heavyset man comes by.  Larry calls him "The Laughing Landlord."  He calls Larry "Mr. Simmonds."  (I think this is the first time we get Larry's last name.  It took 3'sC several seasons to reveal their Larry's last name, and they took it from talent coordinator Bea Dallas.)

The landlord complains about everything from yogurt left on Larry's doorstep to a girl being over.  The landlord lives upstairs and "Well, quite, frankly, I was on the verge of banging."  The landlord is also allergic to fly spray.  But he's not one to complain.

After the landlord leaves, Robin, who has a cigarette and a beer, says Mr. Roper is just as bad.  He calls him a mingy little ferret.  Larry says Robin has compensations, Chrissy and Jo.  No wonder Robin failed his exams, he probably had shaky handwriting.

Replacement:  The girls come back from shopping.  Jo wonders if the dress she bought is too lowcut.  Chrissy suggests she walk around with her arms folded.

Robin comes in and reads them a letter: 
Dear Mum,

I blew it.  I'm coming home to work with Dad.

Love,
Robin

The girls are shocked he's leaving.  He says he'll hang around till they find a replacement.  Then Larry walks through the doorway with candy and flowers.  "Hello, Chrissy.  Hello, Jo."  He heard there might be a vacancy in the flat.

Belief:  Chrissy helps Robin pack in his bedroom.  He warns her to watch out for Larry, who's a randy little bugger.  Chrissy says, "Oh, well, we won't notice the difference then."  Robin says he didn't push it when she said no.  She says and now it's too late.  He says they have a couple hours before his train leaves.

He asks if she'll miss him.  She says the bathroom won't be the same without his wet underpants dripping over the sink.  Then she admits she'll miss him quite a bit.

He says that there was a time when he thought they might've got it together.  She says she always said no.  "And you always believed me."
Robin:  Are you sort of trying to say you didn't mean it?
Chrissy:  Of course I meant it.
Robin:  Oh.
Chrissy:  There you go again, believing me.
Robin is understandably confused.

Slidy thing:  In the kitchen, Jo is sorting out the kitchen implements.  She sees "one slidy thing that you put in the pan."  "Spatula," Robin says.  He thinks there's no point in taking all this, since he'll probably never cook again.
Chrissy:  Oh, but you must!  It's the thing you do best.
Robin:  No, it isn't, but you wouldn't know about that.
Chrissy:  (amused) Why?  What else do you do?
Robin:  I believe people.

He lifts Jo onto the table, holding her.  He's going to start saying his goodbyes.  She says she's sitting on his thermometer.  The way their heads touch as they laugh, and the way his hand lingers before he lets go of her, I get a sense of Richard & Sally peeking through the characters.  Chrissy says, "Tries to the last, I'll give him that."

He says they've been good mates and living with them has been like living with a couple blokes.  They're a bit offended.  But they are really going to miss him.  Chrissy starts to cry and leaves the room, then Jo does.  He says he's going down to say goodbye to the Ropers.

A man about the house:  Mr. Roper tells his wife that he couldn't have just stepped into his father's business.  She says, "No, well, there's not a lot of money to be made out of forging clothing coupons these days, is there?"  She's in a rather mod outfit of red and white, including white boots.  (Again, Helen never gets to wear anything like this.)

When Robin shows up, George says Robin is going to sponge off his dad.  Mildred is much more polite
Mildred:  I must say it, Mr. Tripp.  It's been a pleasure having a man about the house.
George:  I think you mean another man, My Love.
She has a "no comment" facial expression.

George:  I'm sorry I called you a long-haired layabout.
Robin:  I didn't know you had.
George:  But only in fun.
Robin:  Well, I'm sorry I called you a mingy little ferret.
George:  Eh? 
Robin:  You know, only in fun.

And Father makes four:  Chrissy says she and Robin have had some good times together.  Chrissy takes it suggestively, and Jo says something I don't quite catch about Chrissy not flinging it about but talking about it a lot.  Chrissy says she's no more obsessed about fellows than Jo is.  Jo says, "Exactly.  You should be ashamed of yourself."

Chrissy answers the doorbell.  It's an older man looking for Flat 2.  He's got what I assume is a Southampton accent and is played by an actor whose fame merits him "And Guest Star Leslie Sands" in the credits.  He did loads of telly from the '50s to the '90s, often in starring roles, although it looks like the only thing I might've seen him in is the Black Adder episode "The Archbishop," where he plays Lord Graveney.  He was 52 at the time of this episode, where he plays Robin's father.

"Chrissy and Jo, eh?  Well, Robin gave the impression that it was Chris and Joe, Joe with an E."  He seems to take it mostly in stride, but "wait till I tell his mother.  No, on second thought."  When Jo says it's been very innocent, he accepts it, but "you know what mothers are."  (Well, Chrissy's mum was fine with it.)  He says that in one letter Robin said "he spilt your perfume.  I've been wondering what sort of fellow you were."

Robin enters the room, a bit surprised to see his father there.  Chrissy excuses herself and Jo, saying they need a quick shave before Rugby practice. 

It turns out that Robin's dad doesn't want him to come home.  He says Robin has no brains, taking after Mrs. Tripp.  Besides, you have to love the work.  Robin asks, "How can anyone love an extruded tube?"

The only job Robin might be able to do is in the staff canteen.  Robin wants to make classical French cuisine.  His father says it'd be more like bangers and mash, or there'd be a strike.  With insight and generosity, although expressed with another insult, he says, "What you'd really like is another year studying this cooking nonsense, right?"  He'll pay for it, but this time Robin has to pass the "bloody" exams.

Robin wonders if his mother will be disappointed.  "Nay, nay, I'll get her a goldfish."

The girls come back in and hear the good news. 
Jo:  Does that mean you're going to stay?
Robin:  Yes, I believe I am.  (leaning over so that only Chrissy can hear) And that's all I'm going to believe in future.
Chrissy:  Oh, me and my big mouth.

Robin's father wants to go to Soho before he catches the train.  According to wikipedia, "Long established as an entertainment district, for much of the 20th century Soho had a reputation for sex shops as well as night life and film industry."  Hmm.

The girls are happy that Robin's staying.  Chrissy says she never fancied that Larry moving in.  Robin suddenly realises he'll have to tell Larry.

Mr. Gideon:  Larry's landlord, who we learn in this scene is named Mr. Gideon, is noting the changes to the flat.  Larry was supposed to leave the premises as he found them.
Larry:  Aw, be reasonable.  Where am I gonna find 50 cockroaches at this time of year?
Mr. Gideon:  I have never understood your sense of humour, Mr. Simmonds.

He asks where the half roll of toilet paper is.  "Where do you think it is?"  Mr. Gideon means the replacement roll. 

Larry is ecstatic to be leaving (or so he says, Doug Fisher always seems mopy to me) and he starts telling Mr. Gideon off.  Robin comes by and tries to stop him, but it's too late.

More burnt toast:  For the final scene, we see Robin in bed, topless.  Chrissy comes in with tea.  Jo brings toast, "I burnt it myself."  The girls are celebrating him staying.  Robin says, "Aw, isn't that nice of you?  Isn't that nice of them?"  From out of the covers, Larry wakes up, his head at the foot of the bed.  He's wearing an undershirt.  The situation comes across as more funny than suggestive, despite all the gay jokes on the show.

It turns out that Larry is staying till Robin finds him a new flat.  He grabs the toast.  And the second series ends.

Commentary:  The only time I can remember Jack failing an exam is when a rival classmate switches dishes with him in the graduating exam.  He's always top of the class.  Robin is closer to a long-haired layabout.  (His hair is shaggy but not remarkably long for his place and time.)  It's hard to believe that Jack would give up cooking, even if he flunked out, and indeed Robin pictures making French cuisine at the staff canteen.

I love all we get on people's backgrounds  in this episode:  Robin of course, but also Jo, George, and Larry.  None of that would've translated to their American counterparts because it belongs uniquely to them.  This episode also covers an aspect of George and Robin's relationship that is different than that for Stanley and Jack.  There's a real generation gap between George and Robin, a bit like Archie Bunker and his son-in-law Mike, although less political.  ("Mingy," by the way, means "stingy.")  Robin clashes less with his bluff but understanding father. 

Jack's father does show up on 3'sC, but it's late in the run and the circumstances are very different.  As played by Dick Shawn, he's totally unlike the elder Mr. Tripp.

The Robin-Chrissy-sexual-tension (which I might as well start abbreviating if it's going to keep cropping up) becomes deeper and more complex on this episode.  She's teasing him in the senses of both titillating and mocking.  With him leaving, she can claim that she was lying, but it feels like she was neither lying nor telling the truth.  As always, she's tempted but not quite enough.  This is why we have RCST rather than RCSR (release).  As for Robin, I get the feeling that, despite the joke about killing time before his train, he wants more than just a one-time thing with her.

Another thing that's unresolved at the end of the second series is Larry's living situation.  I'm not clear why the girls were going along with it if they didn't want Larry to move in, but maybe after their experience trying to find a roommate at the beginning of the show, they figure Larry is better than some of the people out there, like Gabrielle.  I haven't yet watched any of series three, but the synopsis at http://www.mjnewton.demon.co.uk/tv/manabout.htm reads, "Larry is staying in the flat and driving everybody crazy. They have to find somewhere for him to live. But where?"

One further carry over into the future, John Carlin (Mr. Gideon) will return as "Barman" in six episodes.

The Baby Sitters of Two Foot Two, Eyes of Blue

The twelfth episode of MatH converts into the twenty-third episode of 3'sC pretty easily, with some omissions and changes in dialogue.  Again, a Robin-and-Chrissy plot becomes a Jack-and-Chrissy plot.  (If you're wondering if Janet ever gets to be the focus in the early seasons, the answer is yes, but so far not with a MatH-based plot.)  "Two Foot Two, Eyes of Blue" aired 6 February 1974, while "The Baby Sitters" appeared on January 17, 1978, placing #4 in the ratings.

More of me:  Jo wants to borrow an up-lift bra.  Robin queenily says he's wearing it himself.  She means Chrissy's.
Chrissy:  You've got nothing to uplift.
Jo:  I've got more than you have.
Chrissy:  Rubbish!
Robin says he's willing to offer his services as an impartial judge.  (Paula Wilcox looks more endowed than Sally Thomsett, though not as much as Suzanne Somers.)

Meanwhile, Jack is reading on the couch.  Janet enters from the bathroom in a towel.  He suggests they play drop the handkerchief.  Janet borrows Chrissy's brown eyeliner and goes back in the bathroom.

Jack tells Chrissy he's reading Quorum:  A Study of Personal Relationships.  (Robin's Quorum was a "journal," and seemed to be a magazine rather than a book, although it was referred to as both.)  The cover is much plainer than the racy British version.  Jack and Chrissy have a similar conversation to Robin and Chrissy back on MatH4, although instead of only one who's had a crack at being both a man and a woman, it's a couple people.  Like Robin, Jack measures his head to measure his virility, although Amer-Chrissy doesn't remark, "He's obsessed with sex."  When Jack sees what it says about 22 inches, he says, "What a crackpot theory this is!"

Brit-Chrissy points out that Jo already has her lipstick, fingernails, eyelashes.  Jo thinks Chrissy objects because Chrissy fancies Philip herself.  Chrissy says, "There's more of me going out with him than you."

While Jack's getting the tape measure from the kitchen, Janet returns from the bathroom, still in the towel.  She wants to borrow Chrissy's tan skirt and plaid shawl.  (Hey, it was the '70s!  Actually, the outfit does look nice when it's all assembled.)  Chrissy says, "There's more of me going out with David than there is of you," but there's no sense of rivalry or hostility here.

Robin tells the girls they should stop quarreling over Philip and instead quarrel over him.  Jo says he's too available.  He claims he's hard to get.
Chrissy:  Come to bed.
Robin:  You talked me into it.
She says he'll miss Match of the Day.  (Not only was this the title of an episode, but this is one of the BBC's longest-running shows, since 1964 showing highlights of the day's matches for the Premier League.)  He gleefully says, "Oh, what a choice!  Lechery or Leeds!"

Jo warns that one of these days Robin will take Chrissy at her word.  "Then what will you do?"  Chrissy says, "I shall whisper for help."  Robin laughs.

The phone rings while Jo/Janet is out of the room.  Chrissy answers.  It's Simon/Jerry Randall.  Simon is from #27, I think the street address rather than the number of a flat, because it's too far away to be in the same building, and anyway this building looks too small to have 27 flats.  Simon/Jerry says he and Podge/Punkin are leaving at seven-thirty.  It turns out that Jo/Janet promised weeks ago that she'd babysit.  Brit-Chrissy is especially amused.

When Jo comes back, Chrissy says, "I only hope he doesen't wet himself all over your new dress."  Amer-Chrissy tells Janet, "I just hope he does't wet himself all over your skirt."  (Especially since she borrowed the skirt from Chrissy.)  Jo/Janet has compelety forgotten about babysitting.  Chrissy offers to take her place.

Brit-Chrissy:  Where will Philip be taking me?
Amer-Chrissy:  Where's David going to be taking me?

The Chrissies, Robin, and Jack don't want to babysit.  Robin/Jack suggests Mrs. Roper, but Chrissy says she's in bed with the flu.

Toast on fire:  Cut to the Ropers', where he's serving her breakfast on a tray.  George is wearing a fluffy pink apron, symbol of his emasculation.  (He doesn't wear it comfortably like Robin does his naughty apron.)  Mr. Roper made a boiled egg and somehow set the toast on fire.

George changed her library book.  She wanted a nice romance, but he got her Rustlers at Cactus Creek, which he's going to read first.  She wants to sit and chat.  So he asks if they kept up their death benefit insurance. 

Stanley says Name That Tune (established early on as his favorite program) is going on in a few minutes.  But she wants him to sit and talk about Us.  He says here they are, together, and if only she were well, they could watch Name That Tune together.

Mr. Roper suggests he sleep on the couch because of germs.  She says he never gets close enough to catch anything.

Suffocate:  Back upstairs, Chrissy says she doesn't know one end of a baby from another.  If she put a nappy/diaper on it, it'd probably suffocate.  Jo says she doesn't know either but she's made a fortune from babysitting, 40 pence/hour.  Janet says that the Randalls are old friends of hers and she can't disappoint them.

Robin still doesn't want to miss Match of the Day.  Jack wants to watch the Lakers vs. Portland.  Jo says their television set is in black & white, while the Randalls have got colour.  It would be less plausible that even flat broke young people wouldn't have color TV by '78, so Janet just says the Randalls have a better set.  Jo says they've also got a bar full of drinks.  Janet talks about the Randalls' fancy liquers, the kind that Jack has been wanting to cook with.  Now Robin/Jack wants to go.  Chrissy reluctantly agrees.

Philip/David arrives.  Philip is rather cute, and I can see why Chrissy would fancy him.  David is nerdier-looking, a little heavy, with glasses, and a suit and a tie.  Philip is going to take Jo to a Stockhausen concert.  ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karlheinz_Stockhausen ), while David is going to take Janet to a recital of 14th-century music, featuring a clavichord.  Amer-Chrissy says, "She's gonna play her collarbone?"  Brit-Chrissy tells Jo, "I'd rather have the baby," while Janet tells Amer-Chrissy that maybe she should've stuck with the babysitting.

Indigestion:  Mr. Randall asks if the baby is settling down.  Mrs. Randall, very pregnant, says no, he's still kicking, going to be a football-player this one.  He meant Jonathan.  He thinks maybe they shouldn't go out that night.  Simon says, "My boss wouldn't take kindly to you whelping in the middle of dinner."  Jerry isn't that insensitive, but he is worried.  Mrs. Randall says the doctor claims there are two weeks left.  Mr. Randall says and seven months ago the doctor said it was indigestion.

The babysitters arrive.  (I have no idea why there's a space in the 3'sC title.  A hyphen I could see.  Unless it implies that Jack and Chrissy are in the infancy of their sitting.)  Robin/Jack, seeing heavily pregnant Podge/Punkin, whom he's never met before although Chrissy has, wonders if they're too early.  Chrissy asks if it's going to be a boy or a girl.  Podge/Punkin certainly hopes so.

While Podge/Punkin takes Chrissy in to see the baby, Simon/Jerry shows Robin/Jack where the bottles are, but he means baby bottles.  Podge/Punkin says Jonathan is almost a year old. 

Brit-Chrissy:  You hardly had time to catch your breath before you were off again.
Podge:  Exactly.  Simon thought it would be a good cure for post-natal depression.

Amer-Chrissy:  Boy, you hardly had time to catch your breath before you were off to the races again, huh?
Punkin:  Right.  Jerry thought having another baby would be a good cure for post-natal depression.

Meanwhile, Robin/Jack finds out that the television set is in the repair shop. 

Simon/Jerry tells his wife to hurry up.  She says, "You take all the pleasure out of being late."  They leave.

Robin/Jack pretends to watch television, Jack referring to Kareem (Abdul-Jabbar) and (Bill) Walton, of the L.A. Lakers and Portland Trail Blazers respectively.  Chrissy suggests Robin/Jack try the liquor/liquers.  but the cabinet is locked.

Robin says, "No bottle.  No drink."  He looks at her then puts his arms around her.  "You know what we could do?"  She says no.  Robin/Jack points out that they've left the flat/apartment empty and someone could steal the television.  But she doesn't want to be left alone with the baby.  She says they can just have a quiet evening there.  Then the baby cries.

A twist:  We get an extra scene at the Ropers' on MatH.  Earlier, Stanley was spraying some kind of disinfectant, and now George does the same.  Mildred says he's still got his gas mask, presumably the one from The War.  George is reading the Western.  He says, "The sheriff's about to have it out in the main street."  She takes it suggestively and says, "Oo, I must read that." 

She snuggles him, but he tells her, "Now, you need rest, My Beloved."

He reads on.
George:  Oo, I say, hey, here's a twist.  The girl from the saloon's found out that the sheriff's gun is loaded with blanks.
Mildred:  I know how she feels!

Why is a raven like a writing desk?:  Back at the Randalls', the babysitters have just changed Jonathan.  Robin tolds the diaper in wooden tongs, while Jack holds the diaper at arm's length.  Amer-Chrissy is starting to find the baby cute and Robin says he quite likes kids, but Brit-Chrissy doesn't seem to agree.  Robin says, "All women love babies.  It's a well-known fallacy."  She admits that Jonathan is nice when he's asleep.

The phone rings and the babysitters have trouble finding it at first.  Luckily the baby doesn't wake up.  Simon/Jerry says Podge/Punkin has gone into labo(u)r right in the middle of the vichyssoise/appetizer.  Robin says, "Nasty," while Jack only says, "What?"  The pains are coming every five minutes, so Simon/Jerry will be back late.  He tells Robin/Jack to have another drink.  Robin/Jack says the cabinet is locked.  Simon/Jerry says the key is in the (writing) desk. 

But when Robin/Jack goes to the desk, it's locked, too.  Then the baby cries.  Jack and Chrissy fight over who will go take care of Jonathan.  Both programs break for adverts/commercials.

Puff-Puff:  When we return, Jack is holding the baby and singing, "There was a young lady from Wheeling/Whose bust was so huge it was--"  Chrissy protests and takes Jonathan to feed him a bottle.  (Any guesses on what was going to rhyme with "Wheeling"?  I vote for "appealing.")

We don't actually hear Robin sing, but Chrissy holds the baby and asks if the nasty man frightened him with his horrible voice.  Robin says he was singing a lullaby.  Chrissy says "Lily the Pink" is not a lullaby.  (This was a surprise hit for The Scaffold in 1968, based on a folk/pub song.  Lyrics to one version here:  http://www.thebards.net/music/lyrics/Lily_The_Pink.shtml .

Robin/Jack reads Jonathan Percy Puff-Puff and His Little Red Tooter, with supporting characters like Sammy the Signal.  (A Thomas the Tank Engine parody?  Probably, since the books had been around since the '40s, although it wasn't till 1979 that it turned into a children's show and became popular world-wide.)  The writing is so inane that Amer-Chrissy would rather hear the limerick.  When she and Brit-Chrissy complain, Robin/Jack says it wasn't written for them, it was written for Robin/Jack and Jonathan.  Like Janet on "Cyrano de Tripper," she does a Steve Martin imitation with "Well, excuse me!"  (It was quite the catchphrase in '77/'78.)

Robin has a suggestive pause before turning the page:  "Percy's little tender behind (pause) him was full of coal."  This is expanded on 3'sC:  "Percy's little tender behind (pause) him was full of lumpy coal for the journey."  Brit-Chrissy/Amer-Chrissy says Robin/Jack bored Joanthan to sleep, and she puts the baby to bed.  Robin/Jack takes the book with him as they leave the room, to see how it ends.  Chrissy can't believe he's going to read it.  He says it gets pretty spicy/sexy later on.  Percy has a thing going with Daphne Diesel-Engine.  (Apparently not a diesel dyke.)  Jack adds, "What do you think was making Percy go puff-puff-puff?"

Brit-Chrissy is worried about Podge.  Robin says Podge will be all right, there's nothing to it (meaning childbirth).  He says that in China the women don't even straighten up from picking the rice.  He puts on an accent and even puts his fingers to his eyes to indicate slants!  (This would never happen on 3'sC.)

Chrissy:  How would you feel if men had the babies?
Robin:  Terrified of being alone with you, Ducky.

The phone rings and Chrissy answers it, telling Robin "You are an unfeeling pig!"  Simon says, "Yes, I know," thinking she means him.  He's calling from the hospital and has promised to watch the birth.  Robin takes the phone.

The whole sequence with Robin's prejudices is skipped for 3'sC.  Jack answers the phone right off.  Robin/Jack asks where the key to the writing desk is.  Simon/Jerry asks if Robin/Jack wants to write something.  He says no, he wants to drink something.  Simon/Jerry says then he wants the drinks/liquor cabinet, and hangs up.

Robin says Simon is understandably flustered, this is a difficult time for a husband.  Chrissy says, "It's all her.  He did his bit months ago and he probably enjoyed it.  You're a real male chauvinist you are."  He tells her, "You can't argue with Father Nature."

He borrows a hair slide (pin) and tries to pick the lock on the drinks cabinet.  She asks if he knows how and he says he's so far had no luck with her bedroom door.  He manages this lock and does a French accent, calling himself a gentleman safecracker.

He pours them drinks, sherry for her, Scotch for him. 
Robin:  A couple of these and I'm anybody's.
Chrissy:  A cup of tea and you're anybody's.

He claims he's not sex-mad.  He's never told this to anyone before, but he's worried about his virility.  (No wonder, with that 22-inch head.)  He needs a sympathetic girl to help him sort out his problems.  He can't keep up the ploy and ends up grabbing her and laughing.  She tells him to get off (in the sense of let go).  He warns her that when Gay Lib comes for him, she'll be to blame.

Chrissy:  You never give in!
Robin:  Neither do you.

The baby cries.  Chrissy goes to check on him.  She says he probably only wants a little cuddle.  Robin says to the now empty room, "I know how he feels."

On 3'sC, this is all left out, and instead Jack says damn in frustration at not being able to open the liquor cabinet.  Chrissy tells him not to swear, but when the baby cries, she exclaims, "Oh, damn!"  To put this in context, around this time it was always a big deal (especially to nine-year-old me) to hear George Jefferson use the word "damn," and Chrissy is a minister's daughter.  Swearing, "tit" aside, was very rare on 3'sC.  Although now that I think of it, both "tits" and "motherfucker" are on George Carlin's list of Seven Dirty Words, and 3'sC did use a shortened version of the latter on the never-aired Suzanne Zenor pilot.  Still, innuendo aside, 3'sC generally had less swearing than other shows of its time.

A lovely evening:  Back at the flat/apartment, Jo/Janet's date is coming to an end.  Jo says she had a lovely evening, but this wasn't it. 
Janet:  Well, David, I had a lovely evening.
David:  Did you?
Janet:  No, but I'm trying to be polite.

Philip/David is surprised she didn't enjoy Stockhausen/ 14th-century music.  She says not to listen to.  David compares it to spinach, which doesn't help.  Jo/Janet says she'd invite him in but her flatmates/roommates are home.  The phone rings and she goes to answer it.  Philip/David sneaks in while she's talking to Chrissy.

The baby hasn't stopped crying.  Jo/Janet recommends putting cotton wool/ cottonballs in your ears.  She also suggests calling Mrs. Roper, who used to work in a hospital. 

After Jo/Janet hangs up, she sees Philip/David, who remarks that they're all alone.  She says she will be once he leaves.  Philip wants some coffee, so Jo tells him where to buy some.  David wants a drink, so Janet tells him that the Regal Beagle is right around the corner.  (We knew it was in walking distance, but that's really close.)

Teething:  Back at the Randalls, Robin/Jack is trying to read to Jonathan again.  Chrissy asks, "Do you think he's teething?"  Robin/Jack tells her, "No, I'm thure he'th therious," Jack calling her "Cwithy."  She says he's responsible for that baby.  He protests that he's only been in London/L.A. for six months.  The chronology works perfectly for MatH, since this episode is almost six months after the first episode, when Robin had only been in London a few days.  But 3'sC had been on the air ten months by this point.  Jack could've said he'd been in L.A. less than a year, since Jonathan was born before Jack got to town, but the joke might not have been as funny.

Chrissy goes to call Mrs. Roper.  Amer-Jonathan briefly stops crying, but when he starts again, Jack bawls, too.

Between his legs:  Mildred is reading the Western while George sleeps.  When the phone rings, she and Helen reach across their husbands, since Mr. Roper is asleep and the phone is by his side of the bed.  Mr. Roper thinks his wife is in the mood and tells her not tonight.  We don't get Chrissy's perspective for this phone call, just Mrs. Roper's, so that we're hearing it as Mr. Roper does, only we don't wake up to it and we know what Chrissy's really talking about.

Chrissy apparently apologizes for calling since Mrs. Roper says not to worry, nothing disturbs her in bed.  She did work in a hospital, but in the laundry room.  (More background on her, although we don't know when this was.  During the war perhaps?) 

Mildred:  Did you wash his bottom?...Powder him between his legs and rub in some zinc and castor oil cream....And if that doesn't work, try dipping his comforter in honey....
Helen:  Did you feel his bottom, Chrissy?...Rub some oil between his legs and sprinkle some powder...Try putting some honey on his nipple.

"Nipple" is not one of the Seven Dirty Words, although I'm always surprised to hear it when I watch this episode.  The "comforter" line is subtler yet ultimately smuttier.  The Mr. Ropers are very confused and shocked by what they hear, Stanley especially.

We can see Robin/Jack take the phone and tell Mrs. Roper that he burped the baby, and Jonathan went right to sleep.  The scene continues at the Randalls' after Robin/Jack hangs up.  Robin gets them drinks again.  He and Jack say that there's only one remaining problem, they might have to sleep over.  Chrissy says theat there's only one bed.  Robin says, "What do you think, eh?"  She looks like she's considering it.  But Amer-Chrissy has big scared eyes.

Seven pounds, 10 ounces:  The next morning, we find Robin/Jack sleeping on the sofa.  He answers the doorbell.  Jo/Janet wonders why the two of them didn't come home last night. 

Robin:  Jo, you're a woman of the world.
Jo:  No, I'm not.
Robin:  You would've been if you'd stayed here last night.

Jack:  Janet, Janet, you're a woman of the world.
Janet:  No, I'm not.
Jack:  You would be if you spent the night here.

Meanwhile, Chrissy answers the phone.  Podge/Punkin says she had a girl, 7 lb, 10 oz.  (Two ounces heavier than Eleanor's baby.)  Her mother is coming over.  Simon/Jerry fainted during the delivery, hit his head on the floor, and might have a concussion, so he's being held for observation.  Jack asks how much the concussion weighs.

The doorbell rings again.  Robin answers it again, but this time Janet goes to the door.  The older woman says she's "Mrs. Randall's mother" in the more formal U.K., while she's "Punkin's mother" on 3'sC.  She's very bossy, as well as brisk in America.  She starts telling the trio all the tasks that need to be done for the baby.  Chrissy says that they're the night shift, Jo/Janet is the day shift.

The next twelve hours:  MatH ends there, but we get the tag scene on 3'sC.  Janet comes home, exhausted.  She says that's the last "sit" she'll do.  Two minutes after Chrissy and Jack left, the grandmother collapsed on the couch and said her heart couldn't take the excitement.  (Janet does an imitation of the grandmother.)

Janet:  I spent the next twelve hours feeding and fetching and reading.  " 'Toot-toot,' " went the little red tooter.  'Toot-toot,' went Percy the Toot-Toot!"
Jack:  Percy the Puff-Puff.
Chrissy:  Gee, we didn't have any trouble with the baby.
Janet:  The baby?  I'm talking about the old lady!
She collapses on the couch. 

Maybe it's being middle-aged myself, but Punkin's mother doesn't look that old to me.  Still, it's another case of where something has to be phrased a certain way for the purposes of a joke.

Commentary:  Although it's less the focus of the episode than on "And Then There Were Two" and "While the Cat's Away," I put the label "Robin-Chrissy-sexual-tension" on this episode, because we again get Robin and Chrissy alone together, and she again does seem tempted.  Not only does she consider sharing the Randalls' bed with Robin, but she says that if he ever takes her flirting seriously, she shall whisper for help. 

Of course, Robin isn't just sex-mad, he's also sexist, as he seems to acknowledge himself, when he says, "All women love babies.  It's a well-known fallacy."  Chrissy challenges him on many of his sexist remarks, although she doesn't care if he's making fun of the Chinese or the French.

I think the Randalls are the third married couple we meet on either show.  (Not counting the Stevenses, whom we never see on "Three's Christmas.")  They seem to be about the same age as the trio and serve as a contrast to the swinging singles.  They don't seem much happier than the Ropers, although they're probably happier than the Crosses will be once Mrs. Cross finds out about his cheating.  Mrs. Cross didn't have a first name, and Podge/Punkin just has a nickname.  (Even Punkin's mother calls her that.)  Parenthood doesn't look too attractive here either.  Jonathan is cute on both shows, but at eleven months he's a handful.  Podge/Punkin had post-natal depression, which her husband thought she should cure with pregnancy, the "hair of the dog that bit you" approach to child-spacing.

Not much can be said about the Jo/Janet subplot, but note that sometimes dates and friends take the living arrangement totally in stride.  I think this has less to do with characters' tolerance and more to do with whether the writers want to bother adding that element in.  Here, Philip/David is a pretentious bore, so it doesn't really matter whether or not he's tolerant.

Except for the babies playing little Jonathan, all the guest stars on both episodes have worked, or did work, steadily for decades.  I don't recognize any of the British guests, but Jo Kendall (Podge) has done some things that I could've seen, or you may've:  roles in not only TV productions of Sense and Sensibility and Treasure Island, but guest shots on programmes like The Two Ronnies and Two Goodies, not to mention parts in Howards End and Remains of the Day.  Bella Emberg, playing her mother, was a regular on, of all things, The Benny Hill Show (playing various roles, presumably all of them sour-faced women).  She also did guest shots on MatH's two spin-offs, George & Mildred  and Robin's Nest.  She was actually only 36 at the time of this episode, but looks far older.

Jerry Randall is played by Archie Hahn, who seems to have innocuously guest-starred on half the sitcoms of the '70s and '80s, often playing characters like "Bartender" or "Steward," and he recently played "Agent" in Alvin and the Chipmunks:  The Squeakquel.  He also did a notably unfunny string of six appearances on one of my other favorite shows, Whose Line Is It Anyway?  Lee Bryant (Podge), too, has worked steadily and mostly obscurely from the '70s to today, her role as ex-wife Fran on T.J. Hooker probably the most significant.  Sheila Rogers, who was a well-preserved 53 at the time of this episode, was another performer with an "every-face" that got her roles like "Receptionist" and "Nurse" from The Donna Reed Show to Throb (1987).  In fact, she'd win a recurring role late in 3'sC run as Marge Evans, at Terri's hospital.

"Did You Ever Meet Rommel?"

It is unimaginable that the eleventh episode of MatH could've been Americanized.  Its basic premise just wouldn't have worked, not with those characters.  That's not to say that it had no influence on its American cousin, but we'll get to that.

Before we get into the show proper, I want to note that the laughtrack did come back after a one-episode absence, although it's comparatively toned down.

Crossroads:  The girls enter the downstairs hallway and they're dressed for the cold, this episode having aired on 30 January 1974.  Jo says it's freezing out and her cheeks have gone all numb.  Chrissy says it serves her right for wearing a short skirt.  I'm not sure if that joke would've gotten past the American censors.

Mrs. Roper wants to return the saucy book Chrissy loaned her.  This next sequence ends up, with a few changes, on the American version of "No Children, No Dogs."  On both, Mrs. Roper has read the book quickly because she went to the pages with the corners turned down.  On MatH, Chrissy claims that was Robin's doing. 

Like on 3'sC, Mrs. Roper calls the book-loaner in to chat.  She says that she read the book in bed, which was like reading The Good Food Guide in a health farm.  (I think there was an American equivalent of this joke, but I can't remember.) 

Close to how it happens on 3'sC, Mrs. Roper says that it's her twentieth wedding anniversary tomorrow (in America, it's the day after tomorrow).  Like Janet, Chrissy asks if they'll see a show.  Instead of Baretta and Charlie's Angels, it'll be Crossroads ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crossroads_(soap_opera) ) and Hawaii Five-O, the latter an American show then at about the midpoint of its twelve-year run.  Like Stanley, George probably won't even remember their anniversary.

As in the American version of the conversation, Mrs. Roper envies the lifestyle of a young single woman, especially since boyfriends are after only one thing.

When Mr. Roper comes in, he mentions his war injury, which he got in the bath during a buzz bomb.

Like Janet, Brit-Chrissy tries hinting at the anniversary.  At first, George remembers that Saturday is special because it's Arsenal vs. Chelsea.  Chrissy even hums the wedding march, although Mildred has warned her that George is tone deaf.  He thinks it's "Happy Birthday."  Chrissy finally just tells him it's his wedding anniversary.  She invites them to dinner at her flat to celebrate.

It's interesting how the anniversary gets used in a different way than on 3'sC, where it resolves the dilemma of what to do with the puppy Larry gave Jack.  Here it starts a problem instead.

Knackwurst:  Jo doesn't want to listen to Mr. Roper's war stories, which are already established on the show as being party-killers.  She serves Chrissy some tea which she didn't stir, since she didn't put any sugar in it. 

Robin comes home with knackwurst and other Germanic foods because he's going to make dinner tomorrow for his friend Franz Wasserman.  Chrissy says he can make dinner for six, "stretch your knackwurst a bit."  (I can't see that joke making it on 3'sC.)

While Robin is out of the room, Chrissy says she thinks Franz fancies her.

Robin is unhappy that Chrissy has invited the Ropers, although not for the same reason Jo is.
Robin:  What's the one thing Mr. Roper can't stand?
Chrissy:  Mrs. Roper.
Robin:  Germans!

Jo notices how dirty their tablecloth is.

20p a go:  So the next scene is set in a laundrette, another example of them using an extra set, when 3'sC would've just recycled.  It's 20p a go for the washer.

Robin does an imitation of Mr. Roper saying something against the "Krauts." Franz is going back to Germany, so Robin can't invite him another time.  Robin wants Chrissy to cancel the Ropers.  Chrissy suggests they try to pass Franz off as Welsh.  Robin says he'll uninvite the Ropers at the pub that night.  (I guess they all go to the pub nearly every night.  It sure seems like it anyway.)

Robin wants some coffee but there's no cup at the machine, so he accidentally uses the washing powder cup, taking a sip before he realises it.  Also, it turns out that his red underpants aren't colour-fast.

Brick:  For no reason except the purposes of the joke, Robin and Chrissy bring the now streaky pink tablecloth to the pub.

Chrissy tells Jo that the 20th anniversary is china, so perhaps they should give the Ropers The Thoughts of Chairman Mao.  (Mao died two years after this episode and his most famous book was Quotations from Chairman Mao.) 

Robin plans to tell the Ropers that the girls have gone down with the Black Death, and all the chairs have been eaten by soldier ants.  Chrissy says why not be subtle and brick up the stairs.

When Mrs. Roper sits at their table, Robin tells her that Chrissy has something to tell her.  Chrissy says Robin has all the details.  He says, "You got anything to say, Jo?"  She shakes her head.

Mrs. Roper says that last anniversary was tea, telly, and George cutting his toenails.  Robin can't hurt her feelings, so he says it'll be 7.30 for 8, which I think means arrive at 7.30 for an eight o'clock dinner.  When George hears the time, he says they'll catch Crossroads but miss Hawaii Five-O. 

We find out that the Ropers became engaged during the war, which confirms the chronology offered on "And Then There Were Two."  Mildred now says, "What with the blackout and the gas mask,  I didn't quite know what I was getting."

George reminisces about the one man standing between them and the Krauts/Huns:  Tommy Handley.  ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tommy_Handley )  Chrissy says the Germans are our friends now.  He says they're all Nazis.  Robin quietly asks Chrissy, "How long would it take to brick up the stairs?"

Cufflinks:  Robin again wears his "underwear" apron and the audience again is amused.  He's working from a book called German Cooking.  Jo says that "simmer my giblets" sounds like a pirate's curse.  He agrees and does a pirate imitation.  He's cheered up since the evening might not be so bad.

He tells her to pull the wine cork, not push it.  She says he has no faith in her.

Chrissy comes home.  She's been out buying perfume for Mrs. Roper, cufflinks for Mr. Roper, the latter with "bloodstones to match his eyeballs."  She says Robin has a nicer box to put them in.  She goes in the kitchen to ask him about it.
Chrissy:  Robin, you know that red velvet thingy you keep your whatsits in?
Robin:  What, when I'm playing rugby?
Chrissy:  The little box, from Bond Street.
(Another joke that wouldn't have made it past the American censors.)

She hands him the cufflinks to put in the box.  He takes them but keeps preparing dinner.

Downstairs, the Ropers are dressing up, she with a mirror whose crack is unexplained.  He has back pain.  She says there's nothing wrong with his back, and she should know, she sees enough of it in bed.  She calls him a hypochondriac.  He says even hypochondriacs can get sick.

Did You Ever Meet Rommel?:  The girls met Franz at the Student Union dance.  Jo says he made an improper suggestion to her, but it was all in German.  You might think that it's being set up that Franz will chat up one or both of the girls when he arrives, but no, this episode is just offering examples of how confident these two are about their sex appeal, in contrast to Amer-Chrissy and Janet, who always seem insecure about their abilities to attract men.

Robin is deeply offended when Jo calls his food nosh.  Chrissy asks if he's going to warn the Ropers that he's invited a German.  He says no, but he does when they arrive.  Mr. Roper says he has nothing against Germans himself.  "I mean, they do a good binocular, don't they?"  And it's not Franz's fault he's a Kraut.

Meanwhile, Jo can find only one cufflink in the kitchen.  (You saw this coming, right?)

Franz arrives and introductions are made.  Franz waves hello.  George almost does the Nazi salute in return, but stops himself. 

Jo, in close-up, says, "Excuse me, I'm just going to find the missing link," and no one even reacts, as if they're used to her occasional dippiness.

Mr. Roper asks Franz if he's seen The World at War, a very topical reference, since the 26-episode program started airing the previous October.  ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_World_at_War )  Franz says that it started well, but he didn't like the ending.  He couldn't have seen the ending, since that didn't air till 8 May, but it works for the joke.

Chrissy seats Mr. Roper away from Franz, but Mr. Roper keeps asking inappropriate questions.  It turns out that Franz's father bombed London once or twice.  George asks if he was ever over Putney on a Monday, bath night.  Franz says if he was, he never mentioned it.

In the kitchen, Chrissy wonders if the cufflink got in the food.  Robin says he's not that stupid.

George says not all the Germans were Nazis.  Rommel was practically on their side.  ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rommel )  Franz remarks, "No doubt he played secret cricket."  George asks the title question, and no, Franz didn't.  (Rommel died almost 30 years before this episode.)  Franz asks, and George never met him either.  George was in the Home Guard ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_Guard_(United_Kingdom) ), defending the women, mostly from the flaming Yanks.  (I wonder what he thought about Mildred's big buck sergeant.)

Franz, who's been enjoying the food, despite Mr. Roper's company, finds the cufflink on his plate.  Robin says it's an old German custom on wedding anniversaries, to hide a present in the food.  Franz is surprised but then plays along.  Mrs. Roper says, "Well, a good job it wasn't a set of blankets."

Doctor:  There's a time lapse, so it's sort of like a new scene, although all six people are still at the dinner table.  Mr. Roper is gloating about England beating Germany in the World Cup match, although Germany won the next year. 

Franz, getting to his feet after a bit, says, "If you had let us crush Poland in 1939, you might've won zis World Cup.  Sieg Heil!"  He does the salute and puts two fingers of his other hand under his nose to suggest a Hitler moustache.  Everyone's too stunned to say anything.  Franz says this is how Mr. Roper expects all Germans to behave. 

George says Hitler had his good points and names a few, like keeping Russia in line.  Franz calls him a bloody Fascist. 

Then we learn that Franz has passed his exams and become a doctor.  George brightens at this and wants a free back examination.  Chrissy starts to explain that Franz isn't that kind of doctor, but Franz says he doesn't mind.  Calling Jo "Josephine," he asks for several items, among them castor oil, a large funnel, a small hammer, and plaster of paris.

Chrissy and Robin decide not to mention that Franz is a doctor of philosophy.

Commentary:  Although there were bigots on 1970s American television, Archie Bunker being the most prominent, it would've been unusual to have someone who was only prejudiced against Germans (and homosexuals).  And trying to pass Franz off as Welsh wouldn't have made any sense.  I also don't think the Chairman Mao joke would've made it, because MatH's mild political humour would've been too much for 3'sC.   

A couple other things about this episode.  By now, they're really capitalising on Richard O'Sullivan's comedic talents, as 3'sC is with John Ritter's physical humor.  Richard O gets a bit of physical humour, but mostly it's things like his imitations and whimsical lines like the one about the soldier ants.

Franz is not played by a German.  Dennis Waterman was born in Clapham in 1948, yes, too young to have met Rommel.  "Wasserman" is clearly the Anglicised version of his last name.

And lastly, Jo's cookery is now apparently so bad that she can't even manage serving tea or wine.