The conversion of MatH32 into 3'sC30 by Nicholl, Ross & West is pretty straightforward, although as always with some interesting variations. "Come Fly with Me" aired on 9 October 1975, the week after "How Does Your Garden Grow?", while "Bird Song" aired May 9, 1978, earning #2 in the ratings. (As noted earlier, the "Loni Anderson" episode topped it the next week.)
Vegas: MatH shows the Ropers' budgie as the episode's title appears on the screen, ala the plants with "How Does Your Garden Grow?" Then we cut to Robin playing cards with Larry. Jack and Amer-Larry are also playing cards. This time it's blackjack rather than poker. The Larrys narrate the game, set in Las Vegas, and interestingly Brit-Larry gives Robin the nickname "Diamond Jack," which of course carries over to the U.S.
Robin/Jack goes bust.
Brit-Larry: Talking of busts, how are you making out with the blonde bird at the college?
Amer-Larry: Speaking of busts, how's it going with the blonde in your cooking class?
In the UK, it's "that Swedish bit, Inga," while in the U.S. it's the more respectful "Inga the Swedish girl." Upon hearing that the blonde is Swedish, the Larrys point out that in Sweden even the sandwiches are topless.
The Larrys ask if Inga speaks English. (How on earth would she be attending college in England/America if she couldn't?) Robin says he doesn't know, since the only word he's heard her use is no.
Brit-Larry: If you can't make it with a Swedish bird, you may as well trade it in.
Amer-Larry: If you can't score with a Swedish chick, you might as well turn in your badge.
Robin/Jack says she won't even go out with him.
The Larrys say that Swedish girls like to round off the evening by saying thank you in the nicest possible way. Robin does a good imitation of Brit-Larry saying, "Oh yeah, it's a well-known fact, innit?"
Brit-Larry says, "She ain't gonna round off the evening proper on a Wimpy and chips, is she?" ( http://www.wimpy.uk.com/menu.asp?id=22&mm=1 ) Amer-Larry says Jack has to wine and dine her. A beautiful fox like that isn't going to say thank you for an Egg McMuffin and fries. (Did any McDonald's back then serve breakfast items at the same time as lunch/dinner items? I remember it as being rare until the last few years.)
Brit-Chrissy/Janet comes home. Jack greets Janet with "Hey, Babe." Brit-Chrissy says they were playing cards when she left for work.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says Robin/Jack shouldn't play cards with the Larrys, who are much better cheats. The Larrys resent the remark, and since they're two quid/$3 ahead, they'll leave. Brit-Chrissy/Janet says, "Don't forget your marked cards."
Brit-Larry: (to Robin) I'll buy you a pint later.
Amer-Larry: (to Jack, with "gun" fingers) See you at the Regal Beagle later.
Robin says he's had a very bad morning, and Brit-Chrissy is the only one he can turn to. Jack hugs Janet from behind, then flips her forward, holding her close. He had a lousy morning, and she's the only one he can turn to.
Brit-Chrissy: I've been stuck in a stuffy office all morning and you're asking me for sympathy?
Janet: I've been dealing with maniac customers all morning. Don't come to me for sympathy.
Robin says he doesn't want sympathy, "just a bit of the other." Jack says, "I don't want sympathy. I want affection!", and pulls Janet even closer.
Brit-Chrissy politely says, "Not today, thank you." Since Jack is more aggressive, Janet pushes him into a crouching position and says, "Down boy." She moves away.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet goes in the kitchen and Robin/Jack follows, Jack sticking his tongue out like a dog and waddling behind her. Janet pulls Jack back to his feet when she notices.
Robin/Jack says Brit-Chrissy/Janet gave up her Saturday morning for her boss.
Robin: What I want would only take ten minutes.
Brit-Chrissy: No, it wouldn't. I'm very passionate.
Jack: (with his hand on Janet's shoulder) What I'm after won't take that long.
Janet: Yes, it will, I'm very passionate.
Janet has been peeling a banana, so she sticks part of the banana in Jack's mouth.
Jo/Amer-Chrissy comes in, dressed for bed. She tells Brit-Chrissy/Janet, "You're going to be late for work." Brit-Chrissy/Janet says she's been to work and come back.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says she'd willingly trade places with Jo/Amer-Chrissy.
Jo: Ah, but you don't get a bonus while you're in bed.
Robin: You would've done if you hadn't locked the door.
Amer-Chrissy: You don't get a bonus when you're lying in bed, you know.
Jack: Not when you lock the bedroom door.
Janet's bonus is for working late every night this week and coming in Saturday morning. Brit-Chrissy's is presumably just for this morning.
The boss gave Brit-Chrissy/Janet two tickets for a Frank Sinatra concert, Janet calling the tickets lousy (not because they're for bad seats but because it's Frank Sinatra). The flat/roommates are surprised.
The 3'sC scene continues, but MatH visits the Ropers, so we'll skip ahead to the parallel scene.
Pretty boys: Mildred is in her yellow blouse and banana trousers. George is talking to the budgie, Oscar. (What happened to it being named Arthur? Or was that only in the movie?) Stanley is smiling at the nameless parakeet, whom he calls a pretty little boy. George/Stanley tells the budgie/parakeet that today it'll be getting nice new sand to do its little whoopsies on. Stanley once again tries to get the parakeet to say his name.
Mildred/Helen whistles like a bird. She says it's the only way to get his attention. She'd sprout feathers if she could. George/Stanley says the bird gets lonely. She says she gets lonely, too.
She wants him to talk to her the way he talks to the bird.
George: Who's a pretty boy then?
Stanley: You're a pretty little boy, aren't you?
The American audience applauds.
George tells Mildred, "We're married. There's not a lot to say." Mildred/Helen asks if George/Stanley knows what tomorrow is. He guesses Sunday. What else?
She hints that it only happens once a year. Stanley gasps with wide eyes. Scared, he says, "You don't mean?" George just looks a bit nervous. Mildred/Helen says, "No, not that." Stanley looks relieved.
Mildred says it's a very important day, so George guesses Oscar's birthday.
And again, MatH splits a scene, so we'll pick up where we left off on 3'sC.
Grandad: Someone gave the boss the tickets but he can't go, so he gave them to Brit-Chrissy/Janet. In Janet's case, they're in an envelope hanging from a ribbon, sort of like a necklace. She wears the envelope for most of the episode.
The tickets are for tomorrow night. In England, they're for the Albert Hall. In America, they're at an unspecified venue, front row.
Robin says this isn't a Wimpy and chips. Jack says Frank Sinatra is no Egg McMuffin.
Frank Sinatra does absolutely nothing for Brit-Chrissy/Janet.
Robin: He must do. You're a fully paid-up member of the female sex. It says so on your application form. You've got to like him.
Chrissy: He's a grandad!
Jo: You'll be a grandad one day.
Janet is kind of into Stevie Wonder herself.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet has to wash her hair tomorrow night. (See, it's not daily.)
Robin/Jack wants both tickets, while Jo/Amer-Chrissy thinks it should be one each.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet realizes she's in the catbird seat. She says she'd like a cup of tea/coffee. The flat/roommates scramble to get her a cup, Jack telling Amer-Chrissy, "My department I believe." Then Brit-Chrissy/Janet wants a biscuit/cookie.
Jack: (to Amer-Chrissy) Keep your hands off my cookies!
Robin: (to Jo) Get your hands off my ginger nuts!
(This would be funnier if he was a redhead.)
MatH ends the scene here, although 3'sC continues.
Make the bed: We switch to the British girls' bedroom, where Jo offers to make Chrissy's bed. Still in the kitchen, Amer-Chrissy offers to make Janet's bed. Brit-Chrissy/Janet says she already made her bed. Amer-Chrissy/Jo offers to mess it up and make it for her again.
Brit-Chrissy tells Jo to relax. She'll give them a ticket each but she might as well string Robin along for awhile. He comes in with the tea. Chrissy makes him stir it. The girls smile.
Jack puts one of Janet's feet up on an empty kitchen chair, so Amer-Chrissy does the other foot, putting Janet into painful splits. Janet scoots the chairs closer.
Jack hands Janet the coffee, just the way she likes it, strong with one sugar. Amer-Chrissy and Jack fight over who will stir the coffee. Chrissy feeds Janet the cookie. Jack rubs Janet's shoulders. Chrissy pushes Jack over and rubs one shoulder.
In a Southern-belle accent, Janet says, "My, my, my, this is gonna be a wonderful day."
Anniversary: Back at the Ropers', George guesses tomorrow is Battle of Britain Day. Stanley guesses VJ Day. Even when Mildred/Helen tells her husband that it's their wedding anniversary, he still doesn't immediately understand. Then he says he meant to tie a knot in something to remind him. She says she'd have given him a hand.
Dumplings: There's a scene in the Brit-trio's kitchen that doesn't have an exact American equivalent. Jo is now dressed for the day. Robin offers Chrissy more of whatever he cooked. She says it had too much salt and the potatoes were underdone. As for the dumplings--
Robin: Nobody knocks my dumplings.
Chrissy: I was gonna say they were quite nice.
Jo wants Robin to buy her a drink at the pub.
Robin: Don't you start. You've got nothing I want.
Jo: Oh, thank you.
Robin: That you're likely to give me.
Chrissy suggests he buy them both a drink, which he agrees to.
Before they leave, Chrissy tucks the tickets under the sugar bowl on the table.
Flogged and scalped: 3'sC just hops to the Regal Beagle, although the scene starts with a black couple walking in, before the camera moves over to show Chrissy, Jack, Janet, and Larry, in that order, sitting at the usual table. (As a kid, I noticed a lot of black extras on 3'sC, like in party scenes. They never seemed to have any blacks with speaking roles, at least in the early days.)
Jack says, "By the way, Janet, what did you think about that fabulous dinner I cooked especially for you?" Like Brit-Chrissy, she thinks there was too much salt. He has to accept this because he wants the tickets. He goes to get her another drink.
Amer-Chrissy immediately steals Jack's seat. Then she feeds Janet a peanut.
On MatH, Brit-Chrissy sits at a table with Larry, as Robin and Jo order at the bar.
The Larrys suggest Brit-Chrissy/Janet give the tickets to him and he'll flog/scalp them for 20 quid/ 50 bucks. Amer-Larry says he usually doesn't like people knowing what a soft-hearted guy he is. The Larrys tell a sad story about a little old lady who sells bootlaces/pencils, down by the station/pier. Given the different climate, Amer-Larry leaves out the part about her being out in the rain and the snow, to eke out her pitiful widow's pension. Calling the Larrys "Young Master," she said that her greatest desire/ one remaining wish before she dies is to see Frank Sinatra.
Brit-Chrissy and Janet are skeptical, but Amer-Chrissy seems to believe Larry. Both Chrissys say, "And you'd give her the tickets?", but Brit-Chrissy's delivery is drier of course. Brit-Larry says, "No, I'd flog the tickets to her for 20 quid." It's Janet who says, "No, Chrissy, he'd sell them to her for 50 bucks." Amer-Larry calls Janet hard.
Robin and Jo come over with drinks. Jack returns with Janet's beer. Robin/Jack says he's invested a lot of crawling in the tickets. Jack makes Chrissy move out of his seat.
Brit-Chrissy is offended by the word "crawling." She asks, "What kind of a girl do you think I am?" Robin says she's sweet, kind, and intelligent. Brit-Larry adds warm-hearted and generous.
Robin: Beautiful.
Larry: Radiantly beautiful.
Robin: Incredibly, radiantly beautiful.
Chrissy wants to hear it again, this time with more sincerity. Jo says they're exaggerating. Chrissy says, "No, they're not, but as soon as they start to, I'll stop them."
George/Stanley comes in with a shoebox, as Jack calls Janet "Honey." Stanley sits in Jack's chair, so Jack accidentally ends up in his lap before getting back to his feet.
George asks if they mind he joins them. Brit-Larry says, "Not at all," then invites Jo to play darts. Since Stanley sits down without being invited, Amer-Larry less obviously avoids Mr. Roper, but Amer-Larry invites Amer-Chrissy to play darts, adding, "Don't forget your money." Jack then moves to Larry's chair.
George/Stanley says, "Guess what I've got in the shoebox."
Brit-Chrissy: (to Robin) Try shoes.
Robin: No, no, if they were shoes, he wouldn't bother to ask us."
George gives them the clue that the item has feathers, so Chrissy guesses a duck-billed plimsoll (rubber-soled cloth shoe).
Meanwhile, Jack covers his eyes and says, "Wait, don't tell me. Is it bigger than a breadbox?"
George/Stanley got Mildred/Helen a budgie/parakeet for their anniversary tomorrow. When the kids point out that the Ropers already have a bird, George/Stanley says this is a hen.
George: What I've got at home is a co--
Robin: Boy budgie?
Stanley: What I've got at home is a, a, a--
Jack: Boy parakeet?
George/Stanley figures that as long as he has to buy a present for Mildred/Helen, the bird might as well benefit, too.
Brit-Chrissy: Wouldn't a box of chocolates be better?
George: No, no, he doesn't like chocolates. I thought I might try breeding with her you see.
Robin: (to Chrissy) That's a lot better than a box of chocolates, isn't it?
They both laugh. Then George says there's money in breeding budgies.
Janet: Don't you think flowers or candy would be better?
Stanley: Nah, I thought I might try mating with her.
Jack: (to Janet) Mrs. Roper should like that.
Stanley says it'll be a surprise. Janet says, "I'm sure it will be." She and Jack are trying not to laugh.
George/Stanley wants the kids to keep the bird upstairs until tomorrow. Stanley says, "Thanks a lot. You're a very sweet kid, Janet." She tries to protest, but he leaves.
On MatH, Brit-Larry notices that George drank all of his drink. George smiles sheepishly.
Sandpaper: In the next British scene, the trio come home, talking about the care of budgies. Robin, meaning the cage, says you put a little sandpaper on the bottom. Jo, as she unlocks the door says, "Oh, sounds painful."
Janet and Jack are still at the pub. She says she doesn't know anything about parakeets. He recommends food, water, and a little sandpaper on the bottom. She says, "Oo, that sounds painful." He says he'll take care of the bird.
Pulling at the envelope, he says, "I'd do anything for you and your lovely brown eyes." She says, "You mean for lovely Blue Eyes."
Then he sits up and begs like a dog. He whimpers. Then he licks the side of her face. She likes that and suggests he lick back behind her ear. He says, "You got it," and does so. He tries to get the tickets again, but she stops him.
Then 3'sC goes to a break, but MatH goes into the flat.
Search me: Jo thinks they should get worms and berries for the budgie. Chrissy says those are for wild birds. Jo says they can shake the shoebox before they give the worms and berries to the budgie. Chrissy sends her down to the corner shop for birdseed.
Robin is in the kichen, and Chrissy comes in. She says it seems cruel to keep a bird in the shoebox. Robin says, "What, a fully detached shoebox in a residential area?"
She notices that the tickets are gone, and he's the only one who's been in the kitchen since they went down to the pub. He wants her to search him. She says she'll believe him if he says he hasn't got the tickets, but he insists on being searched. He's in position, hands against the wall, bottom tilted provocatively.
She gives him a quick patdown. He wants more. She reaches around from behind for the front pockets of his jeans. He says, "Be careful, there's a hole in that pocket."
It turns out he hid the tickets in the breadbin for safekeeping. He just likes being searched. He assumes the position again. She spanks him. He's very surprised.
And then MatH goes to a break.
Jewels: MatH returns with another close-up of Oscar, then the camera zooms out.
George/Stanley says he has a surprise for the bird tomorow.
Mildred/Helen comes in. She's just been looking through her jewel/jewelry box, the thing she keeps the elastic/rubber bands and safety pins in.
George/Stanley says she can stop hinting. He got her an anniversary present. She's very happy but wonders what it is. Stanley says, "If I didn't tell the bird, I'm not gonna tell you."
Mildred/Helen wants a hint/clue, like the colo(u)r. George/Stanley says yellow. She says, "Like gold?" He says sort/kind of. She asks if it would go on her finger. He says it might, with a little encouragement.
Mildred calls George a generous man. Helen jumps and then claps her hands with glee. She hugs Stanley and gives him a peck on the cheek. She says, "Oh, you sweet thing!" She plans to make him a nice hot cup of cocoa.
Someone knocks/rings the doorbell. It's Jo/Amer-Chrissy, wanting to talk to Mr. Roper. Mildred calls him a lovely man, blows him a kiss, and goes to the kitchen. Helen says, "There he is! Help yourself." She calls him a generous man, and goes to the kitchen.
Amer-Chrissy says, "Mr. Roper, your wife seems so happy." He replies, "Yeah, she's not herself today."
Jo says that the shop on the corner is closed on Saturday and she needs food for the budgie. Amer-Chrissy also wants bird food. George/Stanley gives Jo/Amer-Chrissy birdseed.
Mildred/Helen returns, Helen apologizing for her manners and asking Amer-Chrissy if she would like a cup of cocoa. Mildred/Helen wonders about the birdseed. George/Stanley says the kids need food, and he puts a handful in his mouth.
Mildred says she'll find the kids something else. After she and Jo leave, George spits out the seeds. Helen looks puzzled, but Stanley says it's delicious. The boy parakeet tweets.
A bird in the hand: Upstairs, Brit-Chrissy and Robin are holding the shoebox together, as Robin looks through the airholes. Jack is the only one holding the American shoebox, and he's laughing, as Janet looks on. Robin says he can see a little beady eye staring back at him. "No, she's turned round." 3'sC avoids this saucy joke.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet wonders if the bird needs anything. Robin chirps and talks to the bird. (Well, he is named Robin.) Jack yells, "Do you need anything?" Robin/Jack pretends to listen, then says the bird wants two tickets to the Frank Sinatra concert.
Jo/Amer-Chrissy returns with half a roast chicken, since Mr. Roper ate the birdseed. Jo elaborates that he ate it because he didn't want Mrs. Roper to think she had a budgie as a present. Brit-Chrissy says, "He wanted her to think she had a budgie as a husband?"
Robin takes the budgie out of the box. The little yellow bird is very cute. Chrissy tells him to hold it gently. He says, "I always do hold birds gently. I'm known for it."
Amer-Chrissy suggests Jack take the parakeet out of the box for fresh air. He does so, but the bird bites him. Janet says, "She knows the hand of a groper when he feels it." It's pretty clear that John Ritter is just miming holding the bird and the show didn't get a live bird, like its sister show did, unlike when we did get to see a live puppy the year before. (And what happened to the tenants not being allowed to have pets in their home? Is it OK if it's to help the landlord?)
Robin tells the bird he'll give her bread crumbs, but she can't eat too many. Pointing at the roast chicken, he says, "This budgie ate too many and look what happened to him." Jack tells the bird to eat enough to get nice and fat "like your friends Janet and Chrissy." Amer-Chrissy tells the bird to bite him again.
Mildred/Helen comes in without knocking. She's brought an apple pie for afters/dessert. Robin/Jack quickly hides the bird under his jumper/jacket.
The pie is homemade and she modestly says it won't be as good as Mr. Tripp's/Jack's.
Robin fidgets and Mildred tries not to stare.
Jack laughs because the bird tickles him. Amer-Chrissy says he's laughing at a joke she told him before Mrs. Roper came in.
Helen: And he's just getting it?
Janet: He's very slow.
The bird chirps, so Jack pretends to be practicing bird calls. Uncertainly, Helen says, "Enjoy your pie." Jack whirls, laughing. Helen says to Janet, "I think he's coming down with something." Then she leaves.
Robin excuses himself to his room. Mildred asks if he's all right. Brit-Chrissy blames the weather.
Jo: Actually, I think he's got something under there he doesn't want you to see.
Mildred: Oho, silly boy!
She leaves. The exchange is characteristic of both women, Jo unable to completely lie, and Mildred still quietly lusting after Robin.
Jack puts the parakeet back in the shoebox, while Robin returns with the budgie. When Robin complains about the bird wriggling, Brit-Chrissy says, "Well, you'd wriggle if someone shoved you up their jumper." The budgie/parakeet apparently pooed inside Robin/Jack's jumper/jacket.
Breakfast in bed: The next morning at 9.30, Brit-Chrissy wakes up annoyed that her alarm clock didn't go off. She demonstrates a ring, trying to teach it. Then it goes off.
Robin comes in with a tray, covering his eyes with the other hand. Brit-Chrissy says that their goodies are well-hidden. Jack knocks before coming in.
The tray contains coffee, toast, and the Sunday paper, and it's for Brit-Chrissy/Janet. Jo/Amer Chrissy asks, "What about me?"
Robin: You make your own.
Jack: Oh, good morning to you, too.
Robin/Jack stirs the coffee, and Robin offers to butter a Marmite soldier. ( http://www.londonfoodfilmfiesta.co.uk/FILMMA~1/Marmite.htm )
Brit-Chrissy: You wouldn't by any chance be after my youthful body?
Robin: No, I wasn't, but if it would please you....
Janet says Jack is still trying to get on her good side. Jack suggestively says, "I think both sides are good."
Janet hands Jack the envelope, but when he looks inside he finds only one ticket. Brit-Chrissy gives Robin only one ticket as well. Brit-Chrissy/Janet gave the other ticket to Jo/Amer-Chrissy.
Robin takes the soldier out of Brit-Chrissy's hand. Robin/Jack takes the tray to Jo/Amer-Chrissy. The American audience claps. Interestingly, Jack gets into both girls' beds when he serves them (hey, be nice), but Robin only gets into Brit-Chrissy's. Brit-Chrissy/Janet asks, "What about me?"
Robin: You get your own.
Jack: There's plenty left in the kitchen.
Jo would like a boiled egg. Brit-Chrissy, disgusted by the turn of events rather than the egg, says, "Oh, charming." Robin says something in French that sounds like it means egg and Marmite.
Janet gets up and makes her way to the living room. She says, "Just like a man, a girl gives you what you want, and you drop her like a hot potata" (with that pronunciation).
Amer-Chrissy refuses to give Jack the ticket. He asks her if she loves her country. She says of course. He starts to tell her about a little Swedish girl.
Chrissy: How little?
Jack: Average. A little more average in some places than others.
He says that to this girl he is America. "If I break my promise, she's gonna go back to Sweden and say that Americans are liars. In Sweden, this sort of thing spreads fast. It's a very small country. Next thing you know, they'll break off relations. No more Nobel prizes, no more operations. All because you didn't give me your ticket." He starts singing "America the Beautiful."
Chrissy gives him the ticket. He says she's a great patriot. She says, "No, I just love a good lie when I hear one." She snort-laughs.
Jack exits to the living room. And someone knocks on the British front door, so Robin goes to answer it.
Don't sit there!: Jack says, "Oh, Frankie, I did it my way." Then he sings a bit of Sinatra's "That's Life." He goes to the phone and punches in the numbers. He turns the receiver into a mic. Then he says, "Hello, Inga." He invites her to the concert and, offscreen, she says yes.
Brit-Larry is here, with flowers. Before seeing who's answering, Larry says, "Morning, Gorgeous." For once, Robin doesn't make a queeny joke. The flowers are for Chrissy, from the Ropers' windowbox.
Brit-Larry sits on the shoebox. Since Amer-Larry doesn't return to the episode after going to the Regal Beagle, it's Jack who sits on the shoebox.
Robin is aghast.
Robin: Larry, you just sat on a budgie.
Larry: (standing up) No, it's a shoebox.
Robin tells him that there was a budgie inside.
Jack looks down and realizes what he's done. You can hear oh-noes from the audience. Jack is horrified. He hangs up and then says, "I'll call you later." The audience murmurs some more.
Brit-Larry says it's cruel to keep a budgie in a shoebox. Robin says it's even crueler to sit on the bloody thing. They listen to the box but they can't hear any breathing. They argue over who should look in the box.
Jack stands up. Janet enters from the kitchen. He points at the box. She puts her ear to the box but doesn't hear any breathing. They argue over who should look inside.
George knocks and lets himself in. Robin hides the box behind his back. George sees the flowers and says, "Oh, they're nice. We've got some like that in our windowbox."
He mentions his present for Mildred and Larry asks about it. (Remember, he was playing darts with Jo at the time.) Larry isn't happy to hear it's a budgie.
Robin hesitates to tell George, and then says that Larry sat on the budgie. The scene ends there.
Stanley rings the doorbell and Janet answers. He says Helen is coming up in a minute, and he wants to give her the parakeet in front of everybody. Jack says the parakeet isn't altogether well.
Stanley: What's wrong with my bird?
Janet: Jack sat on it!
Jack explains that it was accidentally.
(The way Stanley says "bird" and the audience reaction makes it sound like a double entendre. There's a similar joke in Bikini Beach from 1964, and I've never understood it there either. Just as there are words, like "boner," that have taken on new connotations, I think there are some words that have lost meanings over the last few decades.)
Typical male: We briefly switch over to the British kitchen, where the girls are leaving the bedroom, Jo carrying the tray.
Chrissy: Honestly, that's a typical male, give them what they want, and they're away.
Jo: I know, even if it's only a ticket.
Back in the lounge, George is sad. Then he looks in the shoebox and sees that it's empty. Brit-Chrissy comes in and says she let the budgie loose in the bathroom. Jo comes in and says she opened the bathroom window, and accidentally let the budgie out.
George: Oh, that's marvelous, isn't it? First you sit on it and then you sling it out the window. Why don't you flush it down the loo and be done with it?
Robin: Mr. Roper, you're overwrought. Sit down.
Larry: Yeah, pull up a budgie.
Robin tells him to shut up.
Brit-Chrissy says the budgie is definitely gone. Jo says they're very sorry.
George: Mildred gets very sentimental on our wedding anniversary. If I don't give her anything, she'll murder me.
Stanley: If I don't give Helen a present, I'll never hear the end of it.
Brit-Chrissy asks George if he'd like to go and see Frank Sinatra. He says, "What for? He doesn't sell budgies," my favorite line on the episode. She has Robin and Jo turn over their tickets. The British scene ends there.
Helen comes in and Janet looks like she's going to cry. Helen says, "I'm ready for my surprise."
Jack has her close her eyes and put her hand out. She does. He hands Mr. Roper the tickets to give to her.
Like gold: Downstairs later at the Brit-Ropers', she's in a purple pantsuit, putting on her make-up. He's polishing his shoes. She says that the tickets for Sinatra are like gold.
The scene continues in America, with Helen looking at the tickets for Sinatra and saying they're like gold. They're incidentally yellow-colored.
George says he went to a lot of trouble and expense. Helen asks, "Stanley, how did you manage to get them?" Stanley says, "It wasn't easy." The American audience applauds.
Helen wants to take Stanley downstairs so she can pick out the clothes she'll wear to the concert. Mildred/Helen says she can remember swooning over Frankie when she was a teenager. Helen dashes out. Calling after her, Stanley says, "He's not that old, is he?" He laughs and winks at the kids/audience. There's more applause. On MatH, it's just George asking, "He's not that old, is he?"
And then the shows split again.
So much for Inga: Mildred says that when Frankie sang, it was all she could do to keep her bobbysox on. And then she notices a budgie on the railing next door.
George dashes out, although she tells him they'll be late.
Upstairs, Jo is dressed for daytime. She's holding a hand of cards. She keeps telling Robin to hit her, so he keeps giving her cards.
Robin: Jo, you must have more than 21 by now.
Jo: No, I've only got 11.
Robin: Not 21 cards!
Chrissy comes in, her hair in a towel.
Jo says Sinatra would be going into his first number. Robin says Inga would be sitting beside him, melting. Chrissy says, "Inga? You mean the Swedish girl from the college?" When Robin says yes, and he asked her out several times but she always refused, Chrissy says, "She's asked me out several times and I've always refused." He's surprised and says, "She's not, is she?" Chrissy shrugs.
Jo says Mrs. Roper will be enjoying the concert. Chrissy looks out the window and says she doesn't think so.
Then there's an exterior with George up a tree, trying to get the girl budgie. Mildred is annoyed and says they're going to miss the second half as well. George has brought birdseed up to lure the budgie and he ends up spilling it all over Mildred.
And so ends the British episode.
After the Amer-Ropers leave, Janet tells Jack, "Well, Honey, I guess you're not gonna get that thank you from your girlfriend."
Chrissy comes in and says, "I almost forgot about the parakeet." It turns out that the box is empty. She says that she couldn't leave the poor little thing in there all night. She let it loose to fly around in the bathroom. In their case, the parakeet has not flown away.
Jack is so angry at Chrissy that he moves and sounds like Frankenstein. Janet tries to stop him, but he chokes Chrissy with Janet in between them.
The Bump: At the start of the American tag, Stanley is reading the newspaper. Helen comes in wearing her bobbysoxer outfit, including a letter sweater. He says he likes it, without looking up.
She answers the doorbell for Chrissy and Jack. They wish her a happy anniversary and she says, "How sweet!"
They've brought a lady parakeet. Stanley is surprised and says, "It's alive?" Helen says, "No, Stanley, they've given us a dead parakeet."
Stanley says he'll put it in the cage with the other one and they can do what comes naturally.
Helen: What's that, Stanley?
Stanley: You know.
Helen: (to Chrissy and Jack) Would you excuse us? I want Stanley to refresh my memory.
She skips and leads him into the bedroom.
Chrissy and Jack laugh and then do the Bump, saying, "Whee!" Then they exit.
And the American episode ends.
Commentary: Even before the tickets are a temptation, these episodes feature not only RCST but JJST. This isn't the only episode where Jack and Janet use terms of endearment for each other (something Amer-Chrissy doesn't do), but it is one of the more notable ones. Jack calls Janet Babe and Honey, and she calls him Honey. And the way he requests affection is a lot more physical than Robin does in that scene. Janet is right to call him a groper, in contrast to Robin, who's known for his gentleness. When Jack says both sides are good, he's flattering her about the tickets, but sounds sincere.
Robin asks his Chrissy for a bit of the other, and she turns him down just for today. Although Robin is sucking up to Brit-Chrissy at the time, he probably does think she's beautiful, if not incredibly, radiantly beautiful. And of course there's the frisking and spanking. He claims he's not after her youthful body, but if it would help....
Both Brit-Chrissy and Janet claim to be very passionate, which won't exactly discourage Robin and Jack. And we learn that Janet not only likes to blow in Jack's ear but to have him lick behind her ear.
Robin still secondarily lusts after Jo, as the exchange about earning a bonus in bed indicates, and of course this carries over for Jack and Amer-Chrissy. We don't get an equivalent of Robin saying that Jo has nothing he wants, that she's likely to give him, but both men shift their attentions to the other flat/roommate when they realize what happened to the second ticket.
It's notable that Brit-Chrissy doesn't string Jo along but almost immediately lets her in on how she's using Robin, while Janet tries to get what she can out of both roomies. Yes, the ticket-holders are unscrupulous, but it's not like they carry it too far. And they do draw the line at Larry flogging/scalping the tickets, although that would've been a good solution, if it weren't illegal.
Not much to say about the Larrys, other than once again Amer-Larry is a more minor character than his British counterpart. It would take Richard Kline till the fourth season to make his way into the opening credits. "Bird Song" is only Larry's fifth episode of what would eventually be 111. In contrast, Doug Fisher has been an integral part of MatH since series three.
I've lost track of how many times Brit-Chrissy remarks on "a typical male," usually Robin.
Since these episodes feature the budgie and parakeet so prominently, with even a promise of mating, I went back and retroactively tagged a bunch of the episodes and the movie. It's arguable that Roper's bird is more prominent on MatH than on 3'sC, since they got a live bird and the episode ends with George trying to catch the girl budgie. It's clear that both birds are outlets for affection for the husbands, with the wives jealous of the attention. It's not surprising that the British show comes closer to Mr. Roper using the word "cock," particularly considering the visual pun in the closing credits (rooster between two cats).
I'm not sure why they had Jack rather Janet be the one to give the tickets to the Ropers, but it works either way.
I'm with Brit-Chrissy and Janet on the subject of Frank Sinatra. It's nothing to do with him being a granddad, since I'd still give Paul Simon (the singer, not the senator) a tumble. Sinatra is just too Vegasy for me. But I do recognize what a huge star he was, apparently in the U.K. as well as U.S. It must've been nice for NRW not to have to swap out a 50+ British singer for someone the Americans would know about. Sinatra turned 60 the December after "Come Fly with Me" came out, and the title of the episode comes from his 1958 album.
My favorite added moment for the American episode is Jack's speech about Sweden. It is a good lie.
I like that Brit-Swedish-Inga is a lesbian for no particular reason, and Chrissy is completely casual about it. Jack will later date a girl named Inga, on the "skiing" episode, although she seems to be American-born and has no discernible foreign accent.
"Did You Ever Meet Rommel?", which aired on 30 January 1974, had the Ropers celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary. The American version of "No Children, No Dogs" was where those Ropers had their 20th anniversary, and it aired April 7, 1977. For once, the American continuity is closer, although still wrong. And of course, it feels off that Mildred/Helen was young enough to be a bobbysoxer Sinatra fan if she met George/Stanley during the war, although maybe that explains why they waited more than a decade to get married.
Showing posts with label Robin's school friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Robin's school friends. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
"Come into My Parlour"
Mary Howitt published "The Spider and the Fly" in 1829 as a warning against lying seducers, and seductive liars. It opens " 'Will you walk into my parlour?' said the Spider to the Fly." This MatH episode, which could never have been Americanized into a 3'sC episode, plays off that poem, but not in the way I expected. It aired a week after "Cuckoo in the Nest" and feels like it takes place soon after, but not immediately.
Cook Book: Robin is reading Sex Maniacs Cook Book, while Jo is making a sandwich, thus setting up a food/sex dynamic. She's on a diet, but this isn't a mealtime so it doesn't count. Chrissy comes in and says that Robin has been stubbing out his cigarettes on her rubber tree plant. This probably symbolises something, too.
Robin has an upcoming date with another girl from his technical college, this one studying Biology. He's looking for recipes to seduce her. He asks if either of his flatmates has eaten oysters. Jo has. She was in bed for three days, but with food poisoning. He thinks that's close enough. He's also going to serve steak tartare, which "rumour has it was the downfall of Doris Day."
Traditional: As Chrissy puts items in her cart at the supermarket, Robin keeps asking the plain-looking shop assistant for various seductive items, till she finally tells him to look in the Aphrodisiacs aisle. Unable to find powdered rhinoceros horn or even oysters, he decides not to get his date going on food. Instead he'll use "a traditional English method....I'm gonna get her pissed." (In the traditional English sense of drunk.) Chrissy laughs.
Joan of Arc: Jo and Larry are sitting at the usual table at the pub when Chrissy and Robin come in. Chrissy bought Jo's slimming bread, although it doesn't seem to be working. Jo thinks perhaps she isn't eating enough of it.
The fellows order drinks from Jim (although he's not shown). Larry says he's getting the walls in the attic ready for papering. Robin says he can't help since he's got a girl coming round. Larry says, "We'll both be stripping off then, eh?"
When Larry hears that it's Angie from the technical college, he says she told him no. Robin says, "Where the pupil fails, the master may succeed." Larry points out that Angie was convent-educated, but Robin thinks she's warm under her coldness.
Chrissy has been listening for awhile and she now says that Joan of Arc and Florence Nightingale didn't "spread it about." What does that make them? Robin answers, "Dead, so let that be a warning to you."
Chrissy: You want my opinion, we'd better off without men. (She grabs a packet of crisps and then speaks to Robin.) Oh, er, pay for those, will you? (She goes back to her seat.)
Robin: She wants to have it both ways.
Larry: (intrigued) Does she?
Flash: As Mildred is doing her mascara, George comes in with his holiday snaps. She says that on their holiday, it tiddled down for ten days and he still got sunstroke. He says she was laid up with Spanish tummy, so she couldn't go out anyway. She says the hotel looked like a jail. He says it was 27 quid, including the flight and meals.
Robin comes by. She warns him that the holiday snaps are even more boring than they were last year when George forgot to take the lens cap off.
Robin wants to borrow back his omelet pan. While Mildred gets it from the kitchen, George shows Robin the pictures. George says of the photo of the flamenco dancer in the nightclub, "I had a flash there." But the "best" photo is of Mildred changing out of her costume. (Bathing costume?) Mildred is understandably shocked.
Web: Later in the kitchen, spelling out the meaning of the title, Chrissy tells Robin, "You're like a spider in the middle of your web, waiting to trap her."
He, wearing his naughty apron, thinks she's jealous. He puts his arms around her and keeps teasing that she's jealous, till she pulls away.
Chrissy: Go and stuff your peppers!
Robin: I have already stuffed my peppers, with hot, spicy meat. To give her a thirst. (He holds up a wine bottle.)
Chrissy: Typical. How long have you known this poor girl?
He says he's taken her out a couple times, to the disco and cinema, and tonight, with any luck, it'll be "bingo."
Annoyed, she goes into the lounge.
Chrissy; Honestly, that's all he ever thinks about. Sex.
Jo: Well, you were only in there for two minutes.
Chrissy: Not with me!
Jo: Oh, I thought you were annoyed about something.
He's going to kick them out, since it's his turn to have the flat. Chrissy says she'll put a smock on first, since Larry paints like a lawn sprinkler.
Robin: (as he escorts Jo out) A word of warning. Watch Larry. He's like a spider in the middle of his web. Waiting.
Jo: I'm only going up there to hold his ladder.
Robin: That's how it always starts.
He goes in his bedroom, takes off his apron, sprays himself with cologne, and gives thumbs up to the sign on his wall, "LOVE ONE ANOTHER." There's also a poster of a woman with exposed breasts. He goes back to the lounge, puts the lights on, puts alcohol on a tray, turns the lights off, and sets the tray down.
Chrissy watches the last of this with her arms crossed. "If you're not careful, you'll frighten Miss Muffet away," she says, invoking another cautionary poem. Then she tries to talk seriously to him.
Chrissy: Listen, Robin, have you got any genuine feelings for this Angie?
Robin: Well, yes, of course.
Chrissy: Apart from lust.
Robin: (slowly) Oh, I see, you're talking about love and respect and, er, sharing and caring for her.
Chrissy: (smiling in surprise) Yeah.
Robin: I've got none of that, just lust.
The doorbell rings and he says he'll say Chrissy is the cleaning woman.
Chrissy: You will not!
Robin: Well, look, just say hello, goodbye, and then get out.
He greets Angie and takes her coat. Then the two girls recognise each other, Chrissy calling Angie "Angela." Angela has been in London three months but didn't know where Chrissy lived. They were in school together and haven't seen each other in years. Robin of course wants Chrissy to leave, but Angela says, "We're only going to eat and play records and chat, aren't we?"
The old friends talk about Jillian with the bad teeth and flat chest. Angela says Jillian had them capped. "They file them to a point and then they fit new ones on."
When Robin hints that Chrissy should go, Angela says, "Couldn't you stretch it so Chrissy could have some?", meaning dinner. Chrissy looks at Robin with big eyes and an innocent smile.
Miss Whitaker: The next morning, as Jo butters toast, she says, "I was only up there for five minutes and he put his arm around me."
Chrissy: That's Larry.
Jo: Then he put his other arm around me.
Chrissy: Typical.
Jo: Then he hoisted me up the ladder to whitewash his blasted ceiling.
Chrissy says she meant to come up, but she and Angela had lots to talk about. Jo asks if Robin minded. Robin hears this as he comes in.
Robin: Did Robin mind? Robin sat there for three solid hours, listening to hockey, netball, Jillian the school swot, Miss Whitaker the popular games mistress. (to Jo) Would you like to know about Miss Whitaker? Because Robin knows her life story. And then Robin eventually went to bed and left them to it. (He exits.)
Chrissy: No, he didn't mind.
Jo: I think he did.
Chrissy says she used to look after Angela in school.
Jo: But, Chrissy, she's not still in blue woolly bloomers.
Chrissy: She wouldn't have been in any bloomers if I'd left her alone with him.
Jo: So you stayed here and played gooseberry in the manger.
Robin returns and talks about Amy the tomboy, "who used to flick ink pellets, and Chrissy got blamed for it, didn't you, Chrissy? And you know they took away her job as milk monitor, didn't they, Chrissy?" He exits again.
Chrissy: Well, I didn't flick the ink pellet.
Jo: Oh, I'm staying out of this one.
Chrissy says Angela said she's serious about Robin. And Chrissy knows Robin isn't at all serious about Angela.
Larry comes in to borrow a plate, but ends up "borrowing" eggs, bacon, knife, and fork. Chrissy sarcastically offers the cooker. He says he has his own, but it's not connected. He tries the food and says it looks like it has bits of coal. Jo says those are mushrooms. They also smell and taste like coal.
Larry is going down to the pub later. He's looking forward to the happy smiling faces.
Strawberry Ripple: But at the Mucky Duck, the four of them look unhappy. Larry and Jo don't blame Robin for being annoyed with Chrissy. They think she's wrong. While Robin is at the bar, Jo says, "You're not her mother." Chrissy says, "I was her milk monitor."
Mr. Roper wants to show Robin more holiday snapshots, but Robin says, "I'm sorry, I find holiday snaps very boring." Undeterred, Mr. Roper says that he does, too, other people's anyway.
When Robin comes back to the table, Chrissy apologises, although she admits she doesn't mean it.
Larry says that there will be other evenings and Robin is taking Angie out tonight.
Robin: To the cinema. You can't do a lot in the cinema, can you?
Larry: Yeah, that's true. You're liable to put your foot in somebody's Strawberry Ripple.
(I thought at first he meant the '70s wine, but maybe he means strawberry ripple ice cream or something else more likely to be served at the cinema.)
Jo tries to comfort Robin by saying, "Well, there will be other evenings when you'll have the flat to yourself." But Robin says he'll take tonight.
When Mr. Roper comes over, Robin invites all of them to the Ropers' to look at the holiday snaps. He can't go himself because he has someone coming round. Larry says he's decorating, and Jo says she's helping him. So it'll just be Chrissy.
Horses and nuns: That night, Robin does a repeat of the cologne and everything, except this time he also sprays it on the sign and his sheets. Then he does the routine with the lounge lights and the tray of drinks. Chrissy again watches with crossed arms.
He asks, "What do you think of my little web?" After hesitating, she says that Angela hasn't been around very much.
Chrissy: She's liable to take this sort of thing more seriously than you do. She's had a lot to do with horses....And nuns. Girls who've had a lot to do with horses don't often know a lot to do with men. And life.
Robin: Well, if you think it might make her feel any easier, I could wear a nosebag.
Robin makes her leave with Jo because he's worried she'll start chatting with Angie again. He tells them not to come back before midnight, which, judging from "In Praise of Older Men," is their standard rule for having dates over.
On the landing outside the flat, Chrissy asks if Jo wants to swap, meaning Jo would look at the holiday snaps while Chrissy helps Larry. Jo says, "Not likely."
Fly: After Chrissy knocks on the Ropers' door, Angela comes in the front door. (It never seems to be locked.) Chrissy starts to warn her about Robin, but Mr. Roper comes out to greet Chrissy. He's dug out some holiday snaps from Cornwall, the year before last. He asks of Angela, "Who was that?" Chrissy says, "Just a fly."
Parlour: This neatly transitions to Robin telling Angie, "Welcome to my parlour." She thought they were going to the cinema, but he says it's only Curse of the Zombies and it'll be on TV (yes, he says TV, not the telly) in five years' time.
He asks what she drinks besides milk, and offers her Scotch. She says yes, with lots of soda. But, hoping to get her pissed, he puts in only a little soda.
He asks if she's been doing much riding lately. She asks if he rides. He says yes, but he can't keep his feet in the stirrup cups.
Gone with the wind: Mildred hopes that George will take a break from the snaps. "Even Gone with the Wind had an interval." But George wants to show Chrissy their wedding photos. Mildred thinks he should show something happier. He says it was a happy occasion, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickess and in health. She says, "I lost the toss on every one." She got married in navy blue, not exactly traditional. George was in uniform. He was a bus conductor, for about a fortnight.
Chrissy keeps looking up at the ceiling, worried about what's happening upstairs.
Mildred: There's no stopping him, once he gets going.
Chrissy: What? (realising she means George) Oh, him, yeah.
Mildred: I mean, he'll keep it up till he's blue in the face.
Chrissy: (still looking up) Yeah.
Mildred: I mean, you know, he'll never take no for an answer.
George says it's a pity that the young fellow and his lady friend couldn't come down. Mildred offers Chrissy another sherry but decides against it when Chrissy says the pictures are very good. Chrissy tells George that they don't know what they're missing upstairs. He suggests she invite them down. She says she doesn't want to intrude, but there's nothing stopping him from popping upstairs.
Serious: When we return upstairs, we see a close-up of a foot in pantyhose. (A Graduate reference?) The camera pans to Robin and Angie cuddling on the couch. As he talks, she plays with his gold chain. He says they've explored each other's minds and it's time to move on.
Angie: Are you really serious?
Robin: Oh, yes.
She sits up and starts undoing the buttons on the front of her dress. She tells him to not expect too much, since it'll be her first time. At first he thinks she's kidding. She says she knows it's old-fashioned, but she's been saving herself for someone who's really serious about her. Some men think of women as sex objects. One of the nuns told her that it's wrong unless you're married, but Angie thinks nowadays it's perfectly all right even before you're married.
He's really thrown for a loop. He says there are a lot of men in this world she shouldn't trust, they're like spiders. He stops her from further unfastening, when she's gotten down to around her navel. He tries to rebutton her.
Angie: Is this your first time, too?
Robin: Well, I mean, erm, it's the first time for the first time, you see.
He thinks men and women should get to know each other before marriage.
Robin: You see, I'm not ready.
Angie: Well, we've got all evening.
Robin: I mean for marriage!
He pulls away and jumps off the sofa. He starts to say she doesn't know much about men and life. Then the doorbell rings. Robin pulls Mr. Roper in, relieved. He insists on George showing his holiday snaps to Angie. Chrissy comes to the doorway and looks both baffled and annoyed.
Commentary: The Howitt poem ends, "And now dear little children, who may this story read,
To idle, silly flattering words, I pray you ne'er give heed:
Unto an evil counsellor, close heart and ear and eye,
And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly."
It certainly works on the level of a poem for children, but the implication of sex is there. The question is, what lesson are we to draw from this tale of MatH15?
The fly in the poem presumably dies, although all we know is that "He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den,/ Within his little parlour -- but she ne'er came out again!" Robin says that Joan of Arc and Florence Nightingale are dead, so let that be a warning to Chrissy, presumably to spread it about, or at least not to interfere with Angie spreading it about.
Even before Chrissy knows that Angie is her old schoolmate Angela, she worries about the poor girl he's trying to trap. Although he and Jo think Chrissy is just jealous, I don't think that's what's going on here, and I don't count this as a RCST episode.
Angela was convent-educated, as even Larry knows. It's not clear if this was while she was at school with Chrissy, or if the girls went to primary school together and then Angela went to a Catholic secondary school. (And now she's taking Biology at the technical college.) Whether or not Chrissy was convent-educated, she seems to have obeyed the rules in school well enough to become milk monitor. She also took a protective interest in Angela. The "not her mother, but milk monitor" exchange is funny because it suggests mother's milk, but it also means that Chrissy took her position of authority in a motherly way that still affects how she sees other women.
Brit-Chrissy admittedly never seems protective of Jo in the way that Janet is of Amer-Chrissy. Brit-Chrissy is a big sister to Jo, but the teasing, competitive sort. I think this is because Jo, despite her occasional dottiness, is basically sensible and can take care of herself. But with the poor convent-educated girl, Chrissy's maternal instincts come out. And then when she learns that Angie is Angela, and that Angela is serious about Robin, she becomes even more protective.
Another thing going on here, related to that, is that Chrissy doesn't trust men, Robin in particular, since she gets regular demonstrations of his seduction techniques, on her and other girls. Chrissy was always wary, but I think the experience with Ian has made her even more suspicious. After all, she said then that she was through with men, and we haven't seen her on a date since, although she has flirted with Robin. She still thinks we (women) would be better off without men, although they are nice to pay for things like crisps.
When Robin says she wants it both ways, Larry reacts as if Robin has called Chrissy bi. Is that a possibility? Could Chrissy be interested in Angela romantically? Maybe, very subconsciously, but I don't get that sense. Her feelings are more sisterly or maternal than romantic.
Jo says Chrissy played "gooseberry in the manger." This is a combination of two old-fashioned terms. "Playing gooseberry" is from the Victorian era and roughly means to chaperone, although it can be equivalent to the modern term "cockblock," with the term "gooseberry" by itself dating back to the 1700s and meaning "the unwanted companion of a pair of lovers." The dog in the manger comes from a Greek fable that can be summed up as "There was a dog lying in a manger who did not eat the grain but who nevertheless prevented the horse from being able to eat anything either." Jo is saying that not only didn't Robin (and perhaps Angela) want Chrissy there last night, but she was preventing Angela from having Robin when Chrissy herself refuses to have him. According to wikipedia, the sexual interpretation of the fable is quite common, the Bronte sisters among others having noticed it. I suppose, if you want to go with the bisexual subtext of this episode, Chrissy was also preventing Robin from having Angela because she's too closeted to go for Angela herself.
Even when Chrissy is downstairs at the Ropers', she can't stop worrying about Robin and Angela, and she applies Mildred's words about George ("blue in the face," etc.) to Robin. It's ironic that Mildred, from a supposedly more sexually repressed generation, clearly wasn't a virgin when she married George, the navy blue dress and her past with the buck sergeant (and perhaps others) telling us this.
In the end, Chrissy uses the subplot of Mr. Roper's holiday snaps against Robin, as he's used it against her, but things don't turn out the way either of them expect.
And now to examine Robin's role in this. At first, it's pretty straightforward. He's going to seduce a girl using food or at least alcohol. The food = sex equation that's suggested by Jo's diet and more overtly by Robin's cookbook is reinforced by Robin stuffing his peppers with hot, spicy meat.
Everyone sees through him except Angie. Even the shop assistant does, and ironically Hilda Kriseman will return as his mother. Despite his track record on the show, he thinks he's a master of seduction. (The dynamic between him and Larry is very different than between Jack and Amer-Larry, who's supposed to be more of a lady's man, and sleazier, than Jack.) He doesn't mind Chrissy's spider comparison, asking her what she thinks of his web and misquoting the Howitt poem to Angie.
With Liz, he talked about inner emotions and sharing something meaningful. With Chrissy on "While the Cat's Away," he talked about the warm relationship. But with Angie, he doesn't feel love, respect, caring, or sharing. Yet he's still handing her a line, this time about exploring each other's minds. Robin can't come right out and say, "Do you want to fuck?" (or the 1970s British television equivalent). This being the time it is and he being the type of person he is, he has to disguise his physical urges with talk of emotions and thoughts. (He even does this to himself, with his "LOVE ONE ANOTHER" sign.) This is more dishonest, if less crude, and here at least it backfires on him.
It would've been funny if Angie was savvier than Chrissy thinks and she saw through Robin. What if Angela was no angel and she was only pretending to be a virgin in order to pay Robin back for manipulating her? She does appear to be completely sincere though, and I like that she seems like a real person who carefully considers her beliefs, not a stereotypical virgin or rebellious Catholic girl or something. Caroline Dowdeswell gives a charming performance, and it's nice to know that she had a guest shot on Paula Wilcox's "single mum" sitcom of the late '70s, Miss Jones and Son.
Robin joked about perennial screen virgin Doris Day, but it turns out he's not ready for sex with a virgin. This is a very old motif, as in Tom Jones (1749 novel), the rake who doesn't touch virgins. I think in Robin's case it's not quite chivalry but more a dawning awareness that deflowering Angie would have consequences, including that she thinks it would lead to marriage. Seriousness for him does not mean emotional seriousness. He thought he would be "riding" tonight, but he can't keep his feet in the stirrups.
In the end, it's Robin whom Chrissy is mostly protecting, although she doesn't realise it. And Mr. Roper saves the day with his "flash" photography.
A counterpoint to all this is the Larry & Jo sub-sub-plot. Larry has been living in the attic long enough to want to redecorate, starting with the walls. On "Colour Me Yellow," we learned that it's in the lease that they have to redecorate every three years, but Larry isn't waiting that long. (No, I don't think three years have passed since last episode!) The girls are both going to help, but then Chrissy ends up chatting the night away with Angela. Even before this happens, Robin warns Jo against Larry, with the spider simile. Jo says she's only going to hold Larry's ladder, but Robin says that's how it starts.
Instead, Larry puts Jo on the ladder and makes her whitewash the blasted ceiling. It's hard to tell if she's annoyed because she had to do the work or because she thought he was making a move on her and he wasn't. She's always disliked Larry less than Chrissy has and seems to get along with him all right now that he's not living in her flat. We see them sitting in the pub together when Robin and Chrissy come in, and she agrees with him in Robin and Chrissy's argument. She offers to help him again, although that's mostly to get out of seeing Mr. Roper's holiday snaps. When given the chance to swap, she tells Chrissy, "Not likely." All that said, I doubt anything happens upstairs in his "parlour." Amer-Larry would've tried something but Brit-Larry mostly just makes innuendo with Robin and is restrained with the girls.
Cook Book: Robin is reading Sex Maniacs Cook Book, while Jo is making a sandwich, thus setting up a food/sex dynamic. She's on a diet, but this isn't a mealtime so it doesn't count. Chrissy comes in and says that Robin has been stubbing out his cigarettes on her rubber tree plant. This probably symbolises something, too.
Robin has an upcoming date with another girl from his technical college, this one studying Biology. He's looking for recipes to seduce her. He asks if either of his flatmates has eaten oysters. Jo has. She was in bed for three days, but with food poisoning. He thinks that's close enough. He's also going to serve steak tartare, which "rumour has it was the downfall of Doris Day."
Traditional: As Chrissy puts items in her cart at the supermarket, Robin keeps asking the plain-looking shop assistant for various seductive items, till she finally tells him to look in the Aphrodisiacs aisle. Unable to find powdered rhinoceros horn or even oysters, he decides not to get his date going on food. Instead he'll use "a traditional English method....I'm gonna get her pissed." (In the traditional English sense of drunk.) Chrissy laughs.
Joan of Arc: Jo and Larry are sitting at the usual table at the pub when Chrissy and Robin come in. Chrissy bought Jo's slimming bread, although it doesn't seem to be working. Jo thinks perhaps she isn't eating enough of it.
The fellows order drinks from Jim (although he's not shown). Larry says he's getting the walls in the attic ready for papering. Robin says he can't help since he's got a girl coming round. Larry says, "We'll both be stripping off then, eh?"
When Larry hears that it's Angie from the technical college, he says she told him no. Robin says, "Where the pupil fails, the master may succeed." Larry points out that Angie was convent-educated, but Robin thinks she's warm under her coldness.
Chrissy has been listening for awhile and she now says that Joan of Arc and Florence Nightingale didn't "spread it about." What does that make them? Robin answers, "Dead, so let that be a warning to you."
Chrissy: You want my opinion, we'd better off without men. (She grabs a packet of crisps and then speaks to Robin.) Oh, er, pay for those, will you? (She goes back to her seat.)
Robin: She wants to have it both ways.
Larry: (intrigued) Does she?
Flash: As Mildred is doing her mascara, George comes in with his holiday snaps. She says that on their holiday, it tiddled down for ten days and he still got sunstroke. He says she was laid up with Spanish tummy, so she couldn't go out anyway. She says the hotel looked like a jail. He says it was 27 quid, including the flight and meals.
Robin comes by. She warns him that the holiday snaps are even more boring than they were last year when George forgot to take the lens cap off.
Robin wants to borrow back his omelet pan. While Mildred gets it from the kitchen, George shows Robin the pictures. George says of the photo of the flamenco dancer in the nightclub, "I had a flash there." But the "best" photo is of Mildred changing out of her costume. (Bathing costume?) Mildred is understandably shocked.
Web: Later in the kitchen, spelling out the meaning of the title, Chrissy tells Robin, "You're like a spider in the middle of your web, waiting to trap her."
He, wearing his naughty apron, thinks she's jealous. He puts his arms around her and keeps teasing that she's jealous, till she pulls away.
Chrissy: Go and stuff your peppers!
Robin: I have already stuffed my peppers, with hot, spicy meat. To give her a thirst. (He holds up a wine bottle.)
Chrissy: Typical. How long have you known this poor girl?
He says he's taken her out a couple times, to the disco and cinema, and tonight, with any luck, it'll be "bingo."
Annoyed, she goes into the lounge.
Chrissy; Honestly, that's all he ever thinks about. Sex.
Jo: Well, you were only in there for two minutes.
Chrissy: Not with me!
Jo: Oh, I thought you were annoyed about something.
He's going to kick them out, since it's his turn to have the flat. Chrissy says she'll put a smock on first, since Larry paints like a lawn sprinkler.
Robin: (as he escorts Jo out) A word of warning. Watch Larry. He's like a spider in the middle of his web. Waiting.
Jo: I'm only going up there to hold his ladder.
Robin: That's how it always starts.
He goes in his bedroom, takes off his apron, sprays himself with cologne, and gives thumbs up to the sign on his wall, "LOVE ONE ANOTHER." There's also a poster of a woman with exposed breasts. He goes back to the lounge, puts the lights on, puts alcohol on a tray, turns the lights off, and sets the tray down.
Chrissy watches the last of this with her arms crossed. "If you're not careful, you'll frighten Miss Muffet away," she says, invoking another cautionary poem. Then she tries to talk seriously to him.
Chrissy: Listen, Robin, have you got any genuine feelings for this Angie?
Robin: Well, yes, of course.
Chrissy: Apart from lust.
Robin: (slowly) Oh, I see, you're talking about love and respect and, er, sharing and caring for her.
Chrissy: (smiling in surprise) Yeah.
Robin: I've got none of that, just lust.
The doorbell rings and he says he'll say Chrissy is the cleaning woman.
Chrissy: You will not!
Robin: Well, look, just say hello, goodbye, and then get out.
He greets Angie and takes her coat. Then the two girls recognise each other, Chrissy calling Angie "Angela." Angela has been in London three months but didn't know where Chrissy lived. They were in school together and haven't seen each other in years. Robin of course wants Chrissy to leave, but Angela says, "We're only going to eat and play records and chat, aren't we?"
The old friends talk about Jillian with the bad teeth and flat chest. Angela says Jillian had them capped. "They file them to a point and then they fit new ones on."
When Robin hints that Chrissy should go, Angela says, "Couldn't you stretch it so Chrissy could have some?", meaning dinner. Chrissy looks at Robin with big eyes and an innocent smile.
Miss Whitaker: The next morning, as Jo butters toast, she says, "I was only up there for five minutes and he put his arm around me."
Chrissy: That's Larry.
Jo: Then he put his other arm around me.
Chrissy: Typical.
Jo: Then he hoisted me up the ladder to whitewash his blasted ceiling.
Chrissy says she meant to come up, but she and Angela had lots to talk about. Jo asks if Robin minded. Robin hears this as he comes in.
Robin: Did Robin mind? Robin sat there for three solid hours, listening to hockey, netball, Jillian the school swot, Miss Whitaker the popular games mistress. (to Jo) Would you like to know about Miss Whitaker? Because Robin knows her life story. And then Robin eventually went to bed and left them to it. (He exits.)
Chrissy: No, he didn't mind.
Jo: I think he did.
Chrissy says she used to look after Angela in school.
Jo: But, Chrissy, she's not still in blue woolly bloomers.
Chrissy: She wouldn't have been in any bloomers if I'd left her alone with him.
Jo: So you stayed here and played gooseberry in the manger.
Robin returns and talks about Amy the tomboy, "who used to flick ink pellets, and Chrissy got blamed for it, didn't you, Chrissy? And you know they took away her job as milk monitor, didn't they, Chrissy?" He exits again.
Chrissy: Well, I didn't flick the ink pellet.
Jo: Oh, I'm staying out of this one.
Chrissy says Angela said she's serious about Robin. And Chrissy knows Robin isn't at all serious about Angela.
Larry comes in to borrow a plate, but ends up "borrowing" eggs, bacon, knife, and fork. Chrissy sarcastically offers the cooker. He says he has his own, but it's not connected. He tries the food and says it looks like it has bits of coal. Jo says those are mushrooms. They also smell and taste like coal.
Larry is going down to the pub later. He's looking forward to the happy smiling faces.
Strawberry Ripple: But at the Mucky Duck, the four of them look unhappy. Larry and Jo don't blame Robin for being annoyed with Chrissy. They think she's wrong. While Robin is at the bar, Jo says, "You're not her mother." Chrissy says, "I was her milk monitor."
Mr. Roper wants to show Robin more holiday snapshots, but Robin says, "I'm sorry, I find holiday snaps very boring." Undeterred, Mr. Roper says that he does, too, other people's anyway.
When Robin comes back to the table, Chrissy apologises, although she admits she doesn't mean it.
Larry says that there will be other evenings and Robin is taking Angie out tonight.
Robin: To the cinema. You can't do a lot in the cinema, can you?
Larry: Yeah, that's true. You're liable to put your foot in somebody's Strawberry Ripple.
(I thought at first he meant the '70s wine, but maybe he means strawberry ripple ice cream or something else more likely to be served at the cinema.)
Jo tries to comfort Robin by saying, "Well, there will be other evenings when you'll have the flat to yourself." But Robin says he'll take tonight.
When Mr. Roper comes over, Robin invites all of them to the Ropers' to look at the holiday snaps. He can't go himself because he has someone coming round. Larry says he's decorating, and Jo says she's helping him. So it'll just be Chrissy.
Horses and nuns: That night, Robin does a repeat of the cologne and everything, except this time he also sprays it on the sign and his sheets. Then he does the routine with the lounge lights and the tray of drinks. Chrissy again watches with crossed arms.
He asks, "What do you think of my little web?" After hesitating, she says that Angela hasn't been around very much.
Chrissy: She's liable to take this sort of thing more seriously than you do. She's had a lot to do with horses....And nuns. Girls who've had a lot to do with horses don't often know a lot to do with men. And life.
Robin: Well, if you think it might make her feel any easier, I could wear a nosebag.
Robin makes her leave with Jo because he's worried she'll start chatting with Angie again. He tells them not to come back before midnight, which, judging from "In Praise of Older Men," is their standard rule for having dates over.
On the landing outside the flat, Chrissy asks if Jo wants to swap, meaning Jo would look at the holiday snaps while Chrissy helps Larry. Jo says, "Not likely."
Fly: After Chrissy knocks on the Ropers' door, Angela comes in the front door. (It never seems to be locked.) Chrissy starts to warn her about Robin, but Mr. Roper comes out to greet Chrissy. He's dug out some holiday snaps from Cornwall, the year before last. He asks of Angela, "Who was that?" Chrissy says, "Just a fly."
Parlour: This neatly transitions to Robin telling Angie, "Welcome to my parlour." She thought they were going to the cinema, but he says it's only Curse of the Zombies and it'll be on TV (yes, he says TV, not the telly) in five years' time.
He asks what she drinks besides milk, and offers her Scotch. She says yes, with lots of soda. But, hoping to get her pissed, he puts in only a little soda.
He asks if she's been doing much riding lately. She asks if he rides. He says yes, but he can't keep his feet in the stirrup cups.
Gone with the wind: Mildred hopes that George will take a break from the snaps. "Even Gone with the Wind had an interval." But George wants to show Chrissy their wedding photos. Mildred thinks he should show something happier. He says it was a happy occasion, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickess and in health. She says, "I lost the toss on every one." She got married in navy blue, not exactly traditional. George was in uniform. He was a bus conductor, for about a fortnight.
Chrissy keeps looking up at the ceiling, worried about what's happening upstairs.
Mildred: There's no stopping him, once he gets going.
Chrissy: What? (realising she means George) Oh, him, yeah.
Mildred: I mean, he'll keep it up till he's blue in the face.
Chrissy: (still looking up) Yeah.
Mildred: I mean, you know, he'll never take no for an answer.
George says it's a pity that the young fellow and his lady friend couldn't come down. Mildred offers Chrissy another sherry but decides against it when Chrissy says the pictures are very good. Chrissy tells George that they don't know what they're missing upstairs. He suggests she invite them down. She says she doesn't want to intrude, but there's nothing stopping him from popping upstairs.
Serious: When we return upstairs, we see a close-up of a foot in pantyhose. (A Graduate reference?) The camera pans to Robin and Angie cuddling on the couch. As he talks, she plays with his gold chain. He says they've explored each other's minds and it's time to move on.
Angie: Are you really serious?
Robin: Oh, yes.
She sits up and starts undoing the buttons on the front of her dress. She tells him to not expect too much, since it'll be her first time. At first he thinks she's kidding. She says she knows it's old-fashioned, but she's been saving herself for someone who's really serious about her. Some men think of women as sex objects. One of the nuns told her that it's wrong unless you're married, but Angie thinks nowadays it's perfectly all right even before you're married.
He's really thrown for a loop. He says there are a lot of men in this world she shouldn't trust, they're like spiders. He stops her from further unfastening, when she's gotten down to around her navel. He tries to rebutton her.
Angie: Is this your first time, too?
Robin: Well, I mean, erm, it's the first time for the first time, you see.
He thinks men and women should get to know each other before marriage.
Robin: You see, I'm not ready.
Angie: Well, we've got all evening.
Robin: I mean for marriage!
He pulls away and jumps off the sofa. He starts to say she doesn't know much about men and life. Then the doorbell rings. Robin pulls Mr. Roper in, relieved. He insists on George showing his holiday snaps to Angie. Chrissy comes to the doorway and looks both baffled and annoyed.
Commentary: The Howitt poem ends, "And now dear little children, who may this story read,
To idle, silly flattering words, I pray you ne'er give heed:
Unto an evil counsellor, close heart and ear and eye,
And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly."
It certainly works on the level of a poem for children, but the implication of sex is there. The question is, what lesson are we to draw from this tale of MatH15?
The fly in the poem presumably dies, although all we know is that "He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den,/ Within his little parlour -- but she ne'er came out again!" Robin says that Joan of Arc and Florence Nightingale are dead, so let that be a warning to Chrissy, presumably to spread it about, or at least not to interfere with Angie spreading it about.
Even before Chrissy knows that Angie is her old schoolmate Angela, she worries about the poor girl he's trying to trap. Although he and Jo think Chrissy is just jealous, I don't think that's what's going on here, and I don't count this as a RCST episode.
Angela was convent-educated, as even Larry knows. It's not clear if this was while she was at school with Chrissy, or if the girls went to primary school together and then Angela went to a Catholic secondary school. (And now she's taking Biology at the technical college.) Whether or not Chrissy was convent-educated, she seems to have obeyed the rules in school well enough to become milk monitor. She also took a protective interest in Angela. The "not her mother, but milk monitor" exchange is funny because it suggests mother's milk, but it also means that Chrissy took her position of authority in a motherly way that still affects how she sees other women.
Brit-Chrissy admittedly never seems protective of Jo in the way that Janet is of Amer-Chrissy. Brit-Chrissy is a big sister to Jo, but the teasing, competitive sort. I think this is because Jo, despite her occasional dottiness, is basically sensible and can take care of herself. But with the poor convent-educated girl, Chrissy's maternal instincts come out. And then when she learns that Angie is Angela, and that Angela is serious about Robin, she becomes even more protective.
Another thing going on here, related to that, is that Chrissy doesn't trust men, Robin in particular, since she gets regular demonstrations of his seduction techniques, on her and other girls. Chrissy was always wary, but I think the experience with Ian has made her even more suspicious. After all, she said then that she was through with men, and we haven't seen her on a date since, although she has flirted with Robin. She still thinks we (women) would be better off without men, although they are nice to pay for things like crisps.
When Robin says she wants it both ways, Larry reacts as if Robin has called Chrissy bi. Is that a possibility? Could Chrissy be interested in Angela romantically? Maybe, very subconsciously, but I don't get that sense. Her feelings are more sisterly or maternal than romantic.
Jo says Chrissy played "gooseberry in the manger." This is a combination of two old-fashioned terms. "Playing gooseberry" is from the Victorian era and roughly means to chaperone, although it can be equivalent to the modern term "cockblock," with the term "gooseberry" by itself dating back to the 1700s and meaning "the unwanted companion of a pair of lovers." The dog in the manger comes from a Greek fable that can be summed up as "There was a dog lying in a manger who did not eat the grain but who nevertheless prevented the horse from being able to eat anything either." Jo is saying that not only didn't Robin (and perhaps Angela) want Chrissy there last night, but she was preventing Angela from having Robin when Chrissy herself refuses to have him. According to wikipedia, the sexual interpretation of the fable is quite common, the Bronte sisters among others having noticed it. I suppose, if you want to go with the bisexual subtext of this episode, Chrissy was also preventing Robin from having Angela because she's too closeted to go for Angela herself.
Even when Chrissy is downstairs at the Ropers', she can't stop worrying about Robin and Angela, and she applies Mildred's words about George ("blue in the face," etc.) to Robin. It's ironic that Mildred, from a supposedly more sexually repressed generation, clearly wasn't a virgin when she married George, the navy blue dress and her past with the buck sergeant (and perhaps others) telling us this.
In the end, Chrissy uses the subplot of Mr. Roper's holiday snaps against Robin, as he's used it against her, but things don't turn out the way either of them expect.
And now to examine Robin's role in this. At first, it's pretty straightforward. He's going to seduce a girl using food or at least alcohol. The food = sex equation that's suggested by Jo's diet and more overtly by Robin's cookbook is reinforced by Robin stuffing his peppers with hot, spicy meat.
Everyone sees through him except Angie. Even the shop assistant does, and ironically Hilda Kriseman will return as his mother. Despite his track record on the show, he thinks he's a master of seduction. (The dynamic between him and Larry is very different than between Jack and Amer-Larry, who's supposed to be more of a lady's man, and sleazier, than Jack.) He doesn't mind Chrissy's spider comparison, asking her what she thinks of his web and misquoting the Howitt poem to Angie.
With Liz, he talked about inner emotions and sharing something meaningful. With Chrissy on "While the Cat's Away," he talked about the warm relationship. But with Angie, he doesn't feel love, respect, caring, or sharing. Yet he's still handing her a line, this time about exploring each other's minds. Robin can't come right out and say, "Do you want to fuck?" (or the 1970s British television equivalent). This being the time it is and he being the type of person he is, he has to disguise his physical urges with talk of emotions and thoughts. (He even does this to himself, with his "LOVE ONE ANOTHER" sign.) This is more dishonest, if less crude, and here at least it backfires on him.
It would've been funny if Angie was savvier than Chrissy thinks and she saw through Robin. What if Angela was no angel and she was only pretending to be a virgin in order to pay Robin back for manipulating her? She does appear to be completely sincere though, and I like that she seems like a real person who carefully considers her beliefs, not a stereotypical virgin or rebellious Catholic girl or something. Caroline Dowdeswell gives a charming performance, and it's nice to know that she had a guest shot on Paula Wilcox's "single mum" sitcom of the late '70s, Miss Jones and Son.
Robin joked about perennial screen virgin Doris Day, but it turns out he's not ready for sex with a virgin. This is a very old motif, as in Tom Jones (1749 novel), the rake who doesn't touch virgins. I think in Robin's case it's not quite chivalry but more a dawning awareness that deflowering Angie would have consequences, including that she thinks it would lead to marriage. Seriousness for him does not mean emotional seriousness. He thought he would be "riding" tonight, but he can't keep his feet in the stirrups.
In the end, it's Robin whom Chrissy is mostly protecting, although she doesn't realise it. And Mr. Roper saves the day with his "flash" photography.
A counterpoint to all this is the Larry & Jo sub-sub-plot. Larry has been living in the attic long enough to want to redecorate, starting with the walls. On "Colour Me Yellow," we learned that it's in the lease that they have to redecorate every three years, but Larry isn't waiting that long. (No, I don't think three years have passed since last episode!) The girls are both going to help, but then Chrissy ends up chatting the night away with Angela. Even before this happens, Robin warns Jo against Larry, with the spider simile. Jo says she's only going to hold Larry's ladder, but Robin says that's how it starts.
Instead, Larry puts Jo on the ladder and makes her whitewash the blasted ceiling. It's hard to tell if she's annoyed because she had to do the work or because she thought he was making a move on her and he wasn't. She's always disliked Larry less than Chrissy has and seems to get along with him all right now that he's not living in her flat. We see them sitting in the pub together when Robin and Chrissy come in, and she agrees with him in Robin and Chrissy's argument. She offers to help him again, although that's mostly to get out of seeing Mr. Roper's holiday snaps. When given the chance to swap, she tells Chrissy, "Not likely." All that said, I doubt anything happens upstairs in his "parlour." Amer-Larry would've tried something but Brit-Larry mostly just makes innuendo with Robin and is restrained with the girls.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
"Did You Ever Meet Rommel?"
It is unimaginable that the eleventh episode of MatH could've been Americanized. Its basic premise just wouldn't have worked, not with those characters. That's not to say that it had no influence on its American cousin, but we'll get to that.
Before we get into the show proper, I want to note that the laughtrack did come back after a one-episode absence, although it's comparatively toned down.
Crossroads: The girls enter the downstairs hallway and they're dressed for the cold, this episode having aired on 30 January 1974. Jo says it's freezing out and her cheeks have gone all numb. Chrissy says it serves her right for wearing a short skirt. I'm not sure if that joke would've gotten past the American censors.
Mrs. Roper wants to return the saucy book Chrissy loaned her. This next sequence ends up, with a few changes, on the American version of "No Children, No Dogs." On both, Mrs. Roper has read the book quickly because she went to the pages with the corners turned down. On MatH, Chrissy claims that was Robin's doing.
Like on 3'sC, Mrs. Roper calls the book-loaner in to chat. She says that she read the book in bed, which was like reading The Good Food Guide in a health farm. (I think there was an American equivalent of this joke, but I can't remember.)
Close to how it happens on 3'sC, Mrs. Roper says that it's her twentieth wedding anniversary tomorrow (in America, it's the day after tomorrow). Like Janet, Chrissy asks if they'll see a show. Instead of Baretta and Charlie's Angels, it'll be Crossroads ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crossroads_(soap_opera) ) and Hawaii Five-O, the latter an American show then at about the midpoint of its twelve-year run. Like Stanley, George probably won't even remember their anniversary.
As in the American version of the conversation, Mrs. Roper envies the lifestyle of a young single woman, especially since boyfriends are after only one thing.
When Mr. Roper comes in, he mentions his war injury, which he got in the bath during a buzz bomb.
Like Janet, Brit-Chrissy tries hinting at the anniversary. At first, George remembers that Saturday is special because it's Arsenal vs. Chelsea. Chrissy even hums the wedding march, although Mildred has warned her that George is tone deaf. He thinks it's "Happy Birthday." Chrissy finally just tells him it's his wedding anniversary. She invites them to dinner at her flat to celebrate.
It's interesting how the anniversary gets used in a different way than on 3'sC, where it resolves the dilemma of what to do with the puppy Larry gave Jack. Here it starts a problem instead.
Knackwurst: Jo doesn't want to listen to Mr. Roper's war stories, which are already established on the show as being party-killers. She serves Chrissy some tea which she didn't stir, since she didn't put any sugar in it.
Robin comes home with knackwurst and other Germanic foods because he's going to make dinner tomorrow for his friend Franz Wasserman. Chrissy says he can make dinner for six, "stretch your knackwurst a bit." (I can't see that joke making it on 3'sC.)
While Robin is out of the room, Chrissy says she thinks Franz fancies her.
Robin is unhappy that Chrissy has invited the Ropers, although not for the same reason Jo is.
Robin: What's the one thing Mr. Roper can't stand?
Chrissy: Mrs. Roper.
Robin: Germans!
Jo notices how dirty their tablecloth is.
20p a go: So the next scene is set in a laundrette, another example of them using an extra set, when 3'sC would've just recycled. It's 20p a go for the washer.
Robin does an imitation of Mr. Roper saying something against the "Krauts." Franz is going back to Germany, so Robin can't invite him another time. Robin wants Chrissy to cancel the Ropers. Chrissy suggests they try to pass Franz off as Welsh. Robin says he'll uninvite the Ropers at the pub that night. (I guess they all go to the pub nearly every night. It sure seems like it anyway.)
Robin wants some coffee but there's no cup at the machine, so he accidentally uses the washing powder cup, taking a sip before he realises it. Also, it turns out that his red underpants aren't colour-fast.
Brick: For no reason except the purposes of the joke, Robin and Chrissy bring the now streaky pink tablecloth to the pub.
Chrissy tells Jo that the 20th anniversary is china, so perhaps they should give the Ropers The Thoughts of Chairman Mao. (Mao died two years after this episode and his most famous book was Quotations from Chairman Mao.)
Robin plans to tell the Ropers that the girls have gone down with the Black Death, and all the chairs have been eaten by soldier ants. Chrissy says why not be subtle and brick up the stairs.
When Mrs. Roper sits at their table, Robin tells her that Chrissy has something to tell her. Chrissy says Robin has all the details. He says, "You got anything to say, Jo?" She shakes her head.
Mrs. Roper says that last anniversary was tea, telly, and George cutting his toenails. Robin can't hurt her feelings, so he says it'll be 7.30 for 8, which I think means arrive at 7.30 for an eight o'clock dinner. When George hears the time, he says they'll catch Crossroads but miss Hawaii Five-O.
We find out that the Ropers became engaged during the war, which confirms the chronology offered on "And Then There Were Two." Mildred now says, "What with the blackout and the gas mask, I didn't quite know what I was getting."
George reminisces about the one man standing between them and the Krauts/Huns: Tommy Handley. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tommy_Handley ) Chrissy says the Germans are our friends now. He says they're all Nazis. Robin quietly asks Chrissy, "How long would it take to brick up the stairs?"
Cufflinks: Robin again wears his "underwear" apron and the audience again is amused. He's working from a book called German Cooking. Jo says that "simmer my giblets" sounds like a pirate's curse. He agrees and does a pirate imitation. He's cheered up since the evening might not be so bad.
He tells her to pull the wine cork, not push it. She says he has no faith in her.
Chrissy comes home. She's been out buying perfume for Mrs. Roper, cufflinks for Mr. Roper, the latter with "bloodstones to match his eyeballs." She says Robin has a nicer box to put them in. She goes in the kitchen to ask him about it.
Chrissy: Robin, you know that red velvet thingy you keep your whatsits in?
Robin: What, when I'm playing rugby?
Chrissy: The little box, from Bond Street.
(Another joke that wouldn't have made it past the American censors.)
She hands him the cufflinks to put in the box. He takes them but keeps preparing dinner.
Downstairs, the Ropers are dressing up, she with a mirror whose crack is unexplained. He has back pain. She says there's nothing wrong with his back, and she should know, she sees enough of it in bed. She calls him a hypochondriac. He says even hypochondriacs can get sick.
Did You Ever Meet Rommel?: The girls met Franz at the Student Union dance. Jo says he made an improper suggestion to her, but it was all in German. You might think that it's being set up that Franz will chat up one or both of the girls when he arrives, but no, this episode is just offering examples of how confident these two are about their sex appeal, in contrast to Amer-Chrissy and Janet, who always seem insecure about their abilities to attract men.
Robin is deeply offended when Jo calls his food nosh. Chrissy asks if he's going to warn the Ropers that he's invited a German. He says no, but he does when they arrive. Mr. Roper says he has nothing against Germans himself. "I mean, they do a good binocular, don't they?" And it's not Franz's fault he's a Kraut.
Meanwhile, Jo can find only one cufflink in the kitchen. (You saw this coming, right?)
Franz arrives and introductions are made. Franz waves hello. George almost does the Nazi salute in return, but stops himself.
Jo, in close-up, says, "Excuse me, I'm just going to find the missing link," and no one even reacts, as if they're used to her occasional dippiness.
Mr. Roper asks Franz if he's seen The World at War, a very topical reference, since the 26-episode program started airing the previous October. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_World_at_War ) Franz says that it started well, but he didn't like the ending. He couldn't have seen the ending, since that didn't air till 8 May, but it works for the joke.
Chrissy seats Mr. Roper away from Franz, but Mr. Roper keeps asking inappropriate questions. It turns out that Franz's father bombed London once or twice. George asks if he was ever over Putney on a Monday, bath night. Franz says if he was, he never mentioned it.
In the kitchen, Chrissy wonders if the cufflink got in the food. Robin says he's not that stupid.
George says not all the Germans were Nazis. Rommel was practically on their side. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rommel ) Franz remarks, "No doubt he played secret cricket." George asks the title question, and no, Franz didn't. (Rommel died almost 30 years before this episode.) Franz asks, and George never met him either. George was in the Home Guard ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_Guard_(United_Kingdom) ), defending the women, mostly from the flaming Yanks. (I wonder what he thought about Mildred's big buck sergeant.)
Franz, who's been enjoying the food, despite Mr. Roper's company, finds the cufflink on his plate. Robin says it's an old German custom on wedding anniversaries, to hide a present in the food. Franz is surprised but then plays along. Mrs. Roper says, "Well, a good job it wasn't a set of blankets."
Doctor: There's a time lapse, so it's sort of like a new scene, although all six people are still at the dinner table. Mr. Roper is gloating about England beating Germany in the World Cup match, although Germany won the next year.
Franz, getting to his feet after a bit, says, "If you had let us crush Poland in 1939, you might've won zis World Cup. Sieg Heil!" He does the salute and puts two fingers of his other hand under his nose to suggest a Hitler moustache. Everyone's too stunned to say anything. Franz says this is how Mr. Roper expects all Germans to behave.
George says Hitler had his good points and names a few, like keeping Russia in line. Franz calls him a bloody Fascist.
Then we learn that Franz has passed his exams and become a doctor. George brightens at this and wants a free back examination. Chrissy starts to explain that Franz isn't that kind of doctor, but Franz says he doesn't mind. Calling Jo "Josephine," he asks for several items, among them castor oil, a large funnel, a small hammer, and plaster of paris.
Chrissy and Robin decide not to mention that Franz is a doctor of philosophy.
Commentary: Although there were bigots on 1970s American television, Archie Bunker being the most prominent, it would've been unusual to have someone who was only prejudiced against Germans (and homosexuals). And trying to pass Franz off as Welsh wouldn't have made any sense. I also don't think the Chairman Mao joke would've made it, because MatH's mild political humour would've been too much for 3'sC.
A couple other things about this episode. By now, they're really capitalising on Richard O'Sullivan's comedic talents, as 3'sC is with John Ritter's physical humor. Richard O gets a bit of physical humour, but mostly it's things like his imitations and whimsical lines like the one about the soldier ants.
Franz is not played by a German. Dennis Waterman was born in Clapham in 1948, yes, too young to have met Rommel. "Wasserman" is clearly the Anglicised version of his last name.
And lastly, Jo's cookery is now apparently so bad that she can't even manage serving tea or wine.
Before we get into the show proper, I want to note that the laughtrack did come back after a one-episode absence, although it's comparatively toned down.
Crossroads: The girls enter the downstairs hallway and they're dressed for the cold, this episode having aired on 30 January 1974. Jo says it's freezing out and her cheeks have gone all numb. Chrissy says it serves her right for wearing a short skirt. I'm not sure if that joke would've gotten past the American censors.
Mrs. Roper wants to return the saucy book Chrissy loaned her. This next sequence ends up, with a few changes, on the American version of "No Children, No Dogs." On both, Mrs. Roper has read the book quickly because she went to the pages with the corners turned down. On MatH, Chrissy claims that was Robin's doing.
Like on 3'sC, Mrs. Roper calls the book-loaner in to chat. She says that she read the book in bed, which was like reading The Good Food Guide in a health farm. (I think there was an American equivalent of this joke, but I can't remember.)
Close to how it happens on 3'sC, Mrs. Roper says that it's her twentieth wedding anniversary tomorrow (in America, it's the day after tomorrow). Like Janet, Chrissy asks if they'll see a show. Instead of Baretta and Charlie's Angels, it'll be Crossroads ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crossroads_(soap_opera) ) and Hawaii Five-O, the latter an American show then at about the midpoint of its twelve-year run. Like Stanley, George probably won't even remember their anniversary.
As in the American version of the conversation, Mrs. Roper envies the lifestyle of a young single woman, especially since boyfriends are after only one thing.
When Mr. Roper comes in, he mentions his war injury, which he got in the bath during a buzz bomb.
Like Janet, Brit-Chrissy tries hinting at the anniversary. At first, George remembers that Saturday is special because it's Arsenal vs. Chelsea. Chrissy even hums the wedding march, although Mildred has warned her that George is tone deaf. He thinks it's "Happy Birthday." Chrissy finally just tells him it's his wedding anniversary. She invites them to dinner at her flat to celebrate.
It's interesting how the anniversary gets used in a different way than on 3'sC, where it resolves the dilemma of what to do with the puppy Larry gave Jack. Here it starts a problem instead.
Knackwurst: Jo doesn't want to listen to Mr. Roper's war stories, which are already established on the show as being party-killers. She serves Chrissy some tea which she didn't stir, since she didn't put any sugar in it.
Robin comes home with knackwurst and other Germanic foods because he's going to make dinner tomorrow for his friend Franz Wasserman. Chrissy says he can make dinner for six, "stretch your knackwurst a bit." (I can't see that joke making it on 3'sC.)
While Robin is out of the room, Chrissy says she thinks Franz fancies her.
Robin is unhappy that Chrissy has invited the Ropers, although not for the same reason Jo is.
Robin: What's the one thing Mr. Roper can't stand?
Chrissy: Mrs. Roper.
Robin: Germans!
Jo notices how dirty their tablecloth is.
20p a go: So the next scene is set in a laundrette, another example of them using an extra set, when 3'sC would've just recycled. It's 20p a go for the washer.
Robin does an imitation of Mr. Roper saying something against the "Krauts." Franz is going back to Germany, so Robin can't invite him another time. Robin wants Chrissy to cancel the Ropers. Chrissy suggests they try to pass Franz off as Welsh. Robin says he'll uninvite the Ropers at the pub that night. (I guess they all go to the pub nearly every night. It sure seems like it anyway.)
Robin wants some coffee but there's no cup at the machine, so he accidentally uses the washing powder cup, taking a sip before he realises it. Also, it turns out that his red underpants aren't colour-fast.
Brick: For no reason except the purposes of the joke, Robin and Chrissy bring the now streaky pink tablecloth to the pub.
Chrissy tells Jo that the 20th anniversary is china, so perhaps they should give the Ropers The Thoughts of Chairman Mao. (Mao died two years after this episode and his most famous book was Quotations from Chairman Mao.)
Robin plans to tell the Ropers that the girls have gone down with the Black Death, and all the chairs have been eaten by soldier ants. Chrissy says why not be subtle and brick up the stairs.
When Mrs. Roper sits at their table, Robin tells her that Chrissy has something to tell her. Chrissy says Robin has all the details. He says, "You got anything to say, Jo?" She shakes her head.
Mrs. Roper says that last anniversary was tea, telly, and George cutting his toenails. Robin can't hurt her feelings, so he says it'll be 7.30 for 8, which I think means arrive at 7.30 for an eight o'clock dinner. When George hears the time, he says they'll catch Crossroads but miss Hawaii Five-O.
We find out that the Ropers became engaged during the war, which confirms the chronology offered on "And Then There Were Two." Mildred now says, "What with the blackout and the gas mask, I didn't quite know what I was getting."
George reminisces about the one man standing between them and the Krauts/Huns: Tommy Handley. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tommy_Handley ) Chrissy says the Germans are our friends now. He says they're all Nazis. Robin quietly asks Chrissy, "How long would it take to brick up the stairs?"
Cufflinks: Robin again wears his "underwear" apron and the audience again is amused. He's working from a book called German Cooking. Jo says that "simmer my giblets" sounds like a pirate's curse. He agrees and does a pirate imitation. He's cheered up since the evening might not be so bad.
He tells her to pull the wine cork, not push it. She says he has no faith in her.
Chrissy comes home. She's been out buying perfume for Mrs. Roper, cufflinks for Mr. Roper, the latter with "bloodstones to match his eyeballs." She says Robin has a nicer box to put them in. She goes in the kitchen to ask him about it.
Chrissy: Robin, you know that red velvet thingy you keep your whatsits in?
Robin: What, when I'm playing rugby?
Chrissy: The little box, from Bond Street.
(Another joke that wouldn't have made it past the American censors.)
She hands him the cufflinks to put in the box. He takes them but keeps preparing dinner.
Downstairs, the Ropers are dressing up, she with a mirror whose crack is unexplained. He has back pain. She says there's nothing wrong with his back, and she should know, she sees enough of it in bed. She calls him a hypochondriac. He says even hypochondriacs can get sick.
Did You Ever Meet Rommel?: The girls met Franz at the Student Union dance. Jo says he made an improper suggestion to her, but it was all in German. You might think that it's being set up that Franz will chat up one or both of the girls when he arrives, but no, this episode is just offering examples of how confident these two are about their sex appeal, in contrast to Amer-Chrissy and Janet, who always seem insecure about their abilities to attract men.
Robin is deeply offended when Jo calls his food nosh. Chrissy asks if he's going to warn the Ropers that he's invited a German. He says no, but he does when they arrive. Mr. Roper says he has nothing against Germans himself. "I mean, they do a good binocular, don't they?" And it's not Franz's fault he's a Kraut.
Meanwhile, Jo can find only one cufflink in the kitchen. (You saw this coming, right?)
Franz arrives and introductions are made. Franz waves hello. George almost does the Nazi salute in return, but stops himself.
Jo, in close-up, says, "Excuse me, I'm just going to find the missing link," and no one even reacts, as if they're used to her occasional dippiness.
Mr. Roper asks Franz if he's seen The World at War, a very topical reference, since the 26-episode program started airing the previous October. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_World_at_War ) Franz says that it started well, but he didn't like the ending. He couldn't have seen the ending, since that didn't air till 8 May, but it works for the joke.
Chrissy seats Mr. Roper away from Franz, but Mr. Roper keeps asking inappropriate questions. It turns out that Franz's father bombed London once or twice. George asks if he was ever over Putney on a Monday, bath night. Franz says if he was, he never mentioned it.
In the kitchen, Chrissy wonders if the cufflink got in the food. Robin says he's not that stupid.
George says not all the Germans were Nazis. Rommel was practically on their side. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rommel ) Franz remarks, "No doubt he played secret cricket." George asks the title question, and no, Franz didn't. (Rommel died almost 30 years before this episode.) Franz asks, and George never met him either. George was in the Home Guard ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_Guard_(United_Kingdom) ), defending the women, mostly from the flaming Yanks. (I wonder what he thought about Mildred's big buck sergeant.)
Franz, who's been enjoying the food, despite Mr. Roper's company, finds the cufflink on his plate. Robin says it's an old German custom on wedding anniversaries, to hide a present in the food. Franz is surprised but then plays along. Mrs. Roper says, "Well, a good job it wasn't a set of blankets."
Doctor: There's a time lapse, so it's sort of like a new scene, although all six people are still at the dinner table. Mr. Roper is gloating about England beating Germany in the World Cup match, although Germany won the next year.
Franz, getting to his feet after a bit, says, "If you had let us crush Poland in 1939, you might've won zis World Cup. Sieg Heil!" He does the salute and puts two fingers of his other hand under his nose to suggest a Hitler moustache. Everyone's too stunned to say anything. Franz says this is how Mr. Roper expects all Germans to behave.
George says Hitler had his good points and names a few, like keeping Russia in line. Franz calls him a bloody Fascist.
Then we learn that Franz has passed his exams and become a doctor. George brightens at this and wants a free back examination. Chrissy starts to explain that Franz isn't that kind of doctor, but Franz says he doesn't mind. Calling Jo "Josephine," he asks for several items, among them castor oil, a large funnel, a small hammer, and plaster of paris.
Chrissy and Robin decide not to mention that Franz is a doctor of philosophy.
Commentary: Although there were bigots on 1970s American television, Archie Bunker being the most prominent, it would've been unusual to have someone who was only prejudiced against Germans (and homosexuals). And trying to pass Franz off as Welsh wouldn't have made any sense. I also don't think the Chairman Mao joke would've made it, because MatH's mild political humour would've been too much for 3'sC.
A couple other things about this episode. By now, they're really capitalising on Richard O'Sullivan's comedic talents, as 3'sC is with John Ritter's physical humor. Richard O gets a bit of physical humour, but mostly it's things like his imitations and whimsical lines like the one about the soldier ants.
Franz is not played by a German. Dennis Waterman was born in Clapham in 1948, yes, too young to have met Rommel. "Wasserman" is clearly the Anglicised version of his last name.
And lastly, Jo's cookery is now apparently so bad that she can't even manage serving tea or wine.
Friday, March 25, 2011
"While the Cat's Away"/"Three's Christmas"
The second-series opener for MatH is so drastically different from its American "counterpart" that at first I thought it hadn't been Americanized. But some of the lines sounded suspiciously familiar. Finally, it hit me, it was the Christmas episode for the second season of 3'sC. Although this is easily the most drastically different pairing so far, I still want to compare them and talk about some of the reasons why these took such different paths.
"While the Cat's Away" aired 9 January 1974. "Three's Christmas" aired almost four years later, on Dec. 20th, 1977, reaching #5 in the ratings.
Let's have a party!: After a surprisingly laugh-track-less theme song, MatH8 opens with the trio watching television. Robin predicts, "Any minute now, there'll be clothes torn off, red-hot passion, bodies writhing on the floor, you know, squeals of delight." Chrissy says, "In The Lone Ranger?" He says, no, they'll turn the telly off first.
Chrissy is interested in an actor named Mark, who they saw on the telly during a production of Hedda Gabler. He was demonstrating deodorant, for an advert.
The three of them are bored. Jo suggests having a party. Chrissy thinks the Ropers would disapprove.
Over in the States, Janet decorates the Christmas tree. Jack, wearing a mistletoe sweatband, comes out of his bedroom and gives her a big kiss. Then he smooches Chrissy. He smooches Janet again, so she "chops off his sprig" with her scissors. But he has a spare sprig.
They open presents. I mentioned earlier that Chrissy's full name is Christmas Snow, but I forgot that it's actually first revealed on this episode. She says, "My father was a big fan of Bing Crosby."
Janet says of her gift of perfume, " '1001 nights.' If it gets me just one, I'll be happy."
Both girls got Jack socks. They briefly quarrel about it. Jack got Janet a scarf and Chrissy a belt. They end up trading. He points at his mistletoe and they both kiss him.
This is Chrissy's first Christmas away from home. (I'm sure she's been living away from home at least a year by this point, based on evidence elsewhere, but maybe she went home for Christmas '76.) She talks about the parties her father used to throw, how they invited everyone, including the local rabbi, and it was lots of fun.
Janet: Gee, Chrissy, I thought your father was a real stern minister.
Chrissy: He is, except when he's having fun.
She misses having a party, like back home. Jack suggests having a party in the apartment. Janet says this is a great idea. He has her kiss him again. She says they don't have to worry about making noise. The Ropers went to Helen's brother's for the whole weekend.
While the cat's away: The Brit-Ropers are also going to visit her brother and his family. George doesn't want to go. His brother-in-law brags, including about his automatic garage door opener. Mildred says she doesn't know why her brother invites them, "after what you did in their fishtank." George blames the cheap Spanish wine. She says he didn't have to tip it in. The guppies were drunk for days.
Mr. Roper is worried about something go wrong with the building and/or budgie while they're gone. Mrs. Roper suggests leaving the key upstairs. We learn that Mr. Roper is very amused that his brother-in-law lost his licence for drinking and driving.
Upstairs, Robin suggests inviting the Ropers to their party. Chrissy says Mrs. Roper is all right but Mr. Roper is the kiss of death. And then Jo burns the oven glove.
Mrs. Roper drops by with the key to her flat. She says they'll be gone for the weekend, leaving Saturday morning and coming back on Monday. Chrissy says they'll make sure there are no wild parties while the Ropers are gone.
Hello, Gorgeous: Robin plans to invite "the most seductive, sensual, sexy bird you could wish to meet." Chrissy says, "Well, I'm coming anyway." He actually means Liz Martin, so it looks like I was wrong and we haven't seen the last of Liz.
Jack is going to invite "the most sensual, sexy, seductive woman you ever saw." Janet says, "Well, you can't invite one of us, we're already here." Jack is talking about the luscious Liz Martin.
Robin: Oh, hello, Gorgeous. It's me. I've just been overcome by lust and I have this crude proposition to-- Hello, hello, Mrs. Martin. Could I speak to Elizabeth please?
Jack: Hi, Gorgeous. It's me. Listen, I have just been overcome by lust and I have a crude proposition to-- Oh, hello, Mrs. Martin. Could I speak to your daughter? And a Very Merry Christmas to you.
The Brit-trio continue this scene at the pub, while the Amer-trio stay in their apartment. (Generally, MatH changes scenes more often than 3'sC, I don't know why.)
They've got 14 girls and 14 fellows on their invite list now. Jo invites the gay couple at the next table, Maurice and Henry. Chrissy says, "I don't know which column to put them in."
Jo wants more fellows than girls at the party because she wants them fighting over her. Meanwhile, Robin puts a lot on the slate, I guess running up a debt as he buys alcohol and crisps and such from Jim the Landlord.
Amer-Chrissy calls Mark. Janet tells Jack that this is Chrissy's latest, kind of an actor. Janet delivers the lines about Hedda Gabler and deodorant.
Brit-Mark shows up at the pub. His agent wants him to play a freeze-dried pea in the next advert.
Mark: (to Robin) I ask you, what does a pea sound like?
Robin: Pardon?
Amer-Mark can't make it to the party. He's busy shooting another commercial. (On Christmas Day?) Chrissy tells Janet that Mark will be the voice of a freeze-dried pea.
Chrissy: What's a pea sound like?
Jack: (reentering from the kitchen) Pardon?
Janet suggests making a list of who to invite. She wants more guys than girls, so the guys will fight over her. Jack just wants one girl who likes to say yes.
The Ropers come into the pub. Robin tells them he'll be in all weekend, doing a little studying, a little reading. Jim puts the crate of booze on the counter. With perfect delivery, Robin says, "I might have a little drink."
Before the party: Robin again wears the bra-and-panties apron. This time the audience really reacts, laughing for quite awhile. He objects to using Donald Duck plates for the party. Chrissy says they also have some Popeye plates. "Oh, that's all right!"
Downstairs, Mr. Roper says goodbye to the budgie.
Back upstairs, Robin asks if they're going to let people into the bedrooms at the party, you know what parties can develop into, with any luck. Chrissy says that's all he thinks of. Jo says to be fair, he thinks about football and cooking as well. Chrissy says, "Oh, yes, if he could get his girlfriend and a gas stove in the middle of Wembley Stadium, he'd be away."
Jo looks out the window and sees the Ropers drive away. Robin puts his arms around both girls and says now they're alone with him. Chrissy says they can do anything they like. "Oh, and what were you thinking of, My Tempestuous Beauty?" She was thinking of eating his cheese dip.
Full Swing: We get an exterior shot of the building and rock music plays as a couple gets out of their car. Then we cut to the flat, where the music is coming from. Chrissy, in a lowcut yellow dress, is dancing with Mark.
Jo, more modestly dressed, is mixing drinks, as badly as she cooks. Robin says what she needs is a little fruit. So Henry turns around.
Robin asks if Jo has seen Liz. Since Jo was at her nephew's christening when Robin had Liz over last time, she doesn't know what Liz looks like. Robin, holding two oranges, moves them closer to his chest.
Chrissy asks Mark if he likes her dress, if it gives her a sexy look, like Susan George. Mark just says yes. He does tell her he auditioned for a crowd scene in Straw Dogs (which starred Susan George), but he and Peckinpah didn't hit it off.
Robin asks Chrissy if she's seen Liz. She says no and tells him to get her a drink, but Mark goes to get the drink.
Robin asks what she sees in Mark. She says Mark has a lovely disposition.
Robin: I know, but he wastes it on himself.
Chrissy: He's got one thing you haven't got.
Robin: What?
Chrissy: Me.
Mark answers the door. It's Liz, with a very different hairstyle now, which is probably why I didn't recognize her when I watched this episode before. Her dress is even more revealing than Chrissy's. She recognises Mark. He gives her Chrissy's martini.
Chrissy: Who's that tarty-looking bird chatting up Mark?
Robin: That is Liz.
Chrissy: Yeah, I know, and look at them. Lust at first sight.
Robin says Liz is very attractive and every man at the party fancies her. Henry or Maurice laughs fruitily.
Robin: Well, almost.
Chrissy: I'm hardly surprised. I've seen higher necklines on a topless waitress.
Robin says he'll glide over there and smoothly separate them. Mark and Liz are now on the couch. She asks if he's ever met Michael Caine. Mark stood behind him in line for the canteen at Pinewood.
Liz: What's he like?
Mark: Hamburger and chips.
Robin invites her to dance. She doesn't want to.
Mark says that the most important thing in acting is sincerity. Robin says, "Yes, once you've learned to fake that, you're all right."
Mark invites Liz to dance. She says, "I'd love to."
Jo: (grinning) Don't worry, he's got big ears anyway.
Chrissy: Oh, shut up!
Chrissy asks Robin, who's now smoking, "What happened to your famous sex appeal?" He says, "It's alive and well and standing next to you." He invites her to dance.
Time passes and we see them slow-dancing. He tries to say something about him being a man, and her being a woman, but her sarcasm heads him off. He invites her into his bedroom, just to talk. She says, "It's more crowded in there than it is in here."
He offers to get her a drink. She says, "I'm not sure I could trust myself if I had another drink. Gin and tonic please."
Jo says they're out of ice and she makes Chrissy go downstairs to get some from the Ropers'. Robin offers to carry the ice bucket. He also takes a bottle and glasses.
Liz is cuddling with Mark, but when she sees Robin and Chrissy leave, she grumbles, "Oh, that's nice. He invites me to a party and then goes off with someone else."
Bedding down the budgie: Chrissy is suspicious when Robin puts the cover over the birdcage.
Robin: I'm just bedding down the budgie.
Chrissy: Well, that's all you're bedding down tonight.
Robin says it's quieter down there at the Ropers'. He suggests they have a drink before they go. She says just one, or the ice will start to melt.
Robin: (putting his arm around her) You know, Chrissy, sometimes, sometimes, you know, a man wants more. He wants, he wants something fine and warm, you know. And one day he wakes up and realises it's under his nose.
Chrissy: You're thinking of growing a moustache.
Robin: I'm very serious, Chrissy. I mean, we all want the relationship, the warm relationship--
Chrissy: Look, why don't you come right out with it and say what you're after?
Robin: I just don't know the words.
Chrissy: Yes, you do. I've heard you using them. Anyway, look, remember what we agreed when you moved in.
Robin: Seven pounds fifty a week.
Chrissy: Not that, the other.
Robin: Well, what about it?
Chrissy: There wasn't going to be any. Look, I'm flesh and blood as well.
Robin: I've only got your word for it, Chrissy.
Chrissy: Well, all I'm saying is, if you were a gentleman, you wouldn't take advantage of the way I'm feeling now.
He pulls her closer for a kiss.
Return of the Ropers: We get another exterior shot of the building. We can see silhouettes of the party upstairs. Mr. Roper drives up and parks the car. Apparently he kept talking about his brother-in-law being a drunken driver. Mildred says, "They'll never ask us again." George says that then the evening wasn't a complete waste.
Back in the States, the Ropers return to their apartment. She was never so ashamed in all her life. He kept talking about her brother being arrested for drunk driving. They have the "complete waste" exchange here. And then we get the bit about the garage door opener. And finally the "fishtank" conversation, although the cheap wine isn't Spanish, and Mr. Roper gets a line about the old expression "drinking like a fish."
Jimmy & Betty: Upstairs, Janet is on the phone. All their friends are going to Jimmy and Betty Stevens's party in the neighboring building.
The doorbell rings, Mrs. Roper. They all wish Merry Christmas.
The trio are surprised to see her. She says, "I don't think that Stanley and my brother get along very well." She says they keep hitting each other.
She invites the three of them to a Christmas party. Chrissy is enthusiastic. Jack and Janet are more reluctant. Mrs. Roper promises a cake and Spin the Bottle.
After she leaves, the phone rings. It's Jimmy Stevens asking why they're not at the party. They never got the invitation. Jack happily accepts. He and Janet hug and then sing and dance, but Chrissy insists on going to the Ropers'.
Jack says whale-gutting in the Arctic would be more fun. Janet admits it would be a lousy trick to play on the Ropers if they didn't turn up. Then they realize that Mr. Roper is usually asleep by 9:30 and they can go to the Stevenses' party.
The girls guilt-trip Jack about which pair of socks he's going to wear.
Festive: Helen tells Stanley to look more festive. He asks if he should stick holly up his nose. He doesn't want to party with the kids. The trio come by and we hear that Jack's been talking about nothing but the party all day.
The Ropers have a pink plastic Christmas tree. It's pine-scented, so it also works as an air freshener. Helen's brother Billy gave them the Christmas wreath, wrapped around Stanley's neck.
Mr. Roper serves them a tiny bit of Scotch. He notices that Jack's socks don't match. Janet says, "He has another pair just like it upstairs."
Helen: What shall we play?
Stanley: I don't like games.
Helen: Tell me about it.
It turns out that Mrs. Roper plays a lot of solitaire in bed. Mr. Roper gets the cards from the bedroom and does a pathetic card trick. Mrs. Roper says Jack looks pensive. He says he's thinking of whale-gutting in the Arctic.
The phone rings and Mr. Roper answers it.
Chrissy: Come on, Jack, get your fingers moving!
Jack: Hm?
She wants him to play the piano, so he does. I don't recognize the tune.
Mr. Roper comes over and says that Helen's brother found her earrings in the punch bowl.
Stanley: Has he been playing long?
Chrissy: No, he just started now.
Mr. Roper says, "I can sing you know," which sounds like a threat. He sits next to Jack on the piano bench and sings, "Oh, give me some men who are stout-hearted men...." Jack grins at him and bats his eyelashes. Mr. Roper quickly gets up and switches to "Roll out the Barrel." Chrissy happily sings along. Janet and Mrs. Roper look bored. Jack crosses his eyes at the end.
There's a time lapse and Mr. Roper is singing "In a Shanty in Old Shanty Town." Chrissy is delighted and she claps.
Stanley: (to Jack) Do you know "I'm Walking Behind You on Your Wedding Day"?
Jack: Oh, I hope not.
Mr. Roper brings out his trumpet and plays reveille. Then he says, "Everybody dance!"
Jack exclaims, "Oh my goodness! It's 5 after 10 already! It's past my bedtime!" He says he has to go to sleep, but he doesn't want to drag the girls away.
Chrissy: Oh, no, we'll come to bed with you!
Stanley: What???
Chrissy: I mean at the same time.
The trio excuse themselves. Just outside the apartment, they say they can go to the Stevenses' party. Back inside, Mrs. Roper is upset about Stanley driving the kids away. He tells her that it wasn't her brother on the phone. They were invited to the Stevenses' party after all. Both Jack and Mr. Roper say, "Maybe now we'll meet some interesting people."
Tidying up: What happens when the Brit-Ropers come home is very different. It takes them awhile to notice the music of the party but they decide to ignore it. We find out that Mr. Roper rinsed his teeth in his brother-in-law's bidet.
The Ropers go into their apartment. Robin and Chrissy are tidying up. Robin admits to the party. Mrs. Roper wants to go. "They never had parties like that when we were alive."
Upstairs later, Maurice is doing Jo's hair. She says he'll make somebody a lovely brother.
Mr. Roper is boring Liz with war stories. Chrissy sends him out to move his car so someone else can get out. Liz says hello to Robin, but he pulls Chrissy aside and invites her to his bedroom again, to finish off the bottle of wine. She again says no. He says he's going to donate his body to medicine, "I'm not using it."
We get yet another exterior of the building. Mr. Roper hits the other cars while trying to move his. A policeman catches him.
Back up in the flat, Chrissy tells Robin that if anything had happened, it would've spoiled things. She kisses his cheek. Lisping, he says, "I wonder who's taking Maurice home."
Mrs. Roper is dancing with Mark, when Mr. Roper comes in with the copper. He has to give him "a sample." The trio and their gay friends laugh.
The tag of 3'sC is set just outside of the Ropers' apartment. Jack apologizes to Helen about not telling them about the Stevenses' party. Mrs. Roper is drunk and not at all upset. Mr. Roper is unconscious but standing. The trio help hold him up. Mrs. Roper says to "just put him under the tree, and I'll unwrap him in the morning."
Commentary: "The cat," Mr. Roper, isn't away for very long on 3'sC, and "the mice" definitely don't get as playful. Both trios plan to throw a party in the Ropers' absence, with the male roommates inviting sexy Liz Martin and the Chrissies inviting Mark the actor. But on 3'sC it doesn't work to throw an impromptu party, especially not on Christmas Day. So we get the Ropers returning early and throwing a boring party for the kids. (Boring to them, I find it entertaining, corny jokes and all). And everyone really wants to go to the Stevenses' party. (They keep saying "Stevens," but unless the last name is "Steven," I decided to just be grammatically correct.)
But on MatH, well, well. Quite a change from four months ago, on "And Then There Were Two." Now Chrissy wants to be plied with gin & tonic, and "pow" is looking more appealing. As for Robin, he may be just handing her lines, like he does with other girls, but when he's given the chance to get Liz back, he chooses the less sure thing of Chrissy. Robin & Chrissy's chemistry is great by this point, and the viewer can't help hoping something will happen between them. I doubt Jo would mind, although she'd certainly tease them about it.
I'm not sure what happens between the kiss and the tidying up. Maybe Chrissy breaks away, maybe they hear the Ropers out in the hallway. In a sense it's them (or at least her) backing off, but it's also of course the producers backing off. I'm guessing that, although British television censorship was less strict than American in the 1970s, having two of the platonic flatmates stop being platonic would not have been allowed.
It's still further than it would've gone on 3'sC. Jack can give his roommates mistletoe smooches, but (at least at this point) there's not going to be any serious consideration of, ahem, "a warm relationship." And speaking of sexuality, it's interesting that the gay friends get so much to do on MatH8, when they're not really necessary to the plot. Yes, like all the gay humour on MatH, they're incredibly stereotypical, but nonetheless they are invited to the party and they get to be in the shot of the amused trio. Nothing comparable happens on 3'sC, ever.
3'sC in its first two seasons is more mature and sophisticated than it would be later. (Faint praise I know.) But there's no question that MatH is the more adult program, and this pairing of episodes is a perfect, albeit extreme, example of why.
"While the Cat's Away" aired 9 January 1974. "Three's Christmas" aired almost four years later, on Dec. 20th, 1977, reaching #5 in the ratings.
Let's have a party!: After a surprisingly laugh-track-less theme song, MatH8 opens with the trio watching television. Robin predicts, "Any minute now, there'll be clothes torn off, red-hot passion, bodies writhing on the floor, you know, squeals of delight." Chrissy says, "In The Lone Ranger?" He says, no, they'll turn the telly off first.
Chrissy is interested in an actor named Mark, who they saw on the telly during a production of Hedda Gabler. He was demonstrating deodorant, for an advert.
The three of them are bored. Jo suggests having a party. Chrissy thinks the Ropers would disapprove.
Over in the States, Janet decorates the Christmas tree. Jack, wearing a mistletoe sweatband, comes out of his bedroom and gives her a big kiss. Then he smooches Chrissy. He smooches Janet again, so she "chops off his sprig" with her scissors. But he has a spare sprig.
They open presents. I mentioned earlier that Chrissy's full name is Christmas Snow, but I forgot that it's actually first revealed on this episode. She says, "My father was a big fan of Bing Crosby."
Janet says of her gift of perfume, " '1001 nights.' If it gets me just one, I'll be happy."
Both girls got Jack socks. They briefly quarrel about it. Jack got Janet a scarf and Chrissy a belt. They end up trading. He points at his mistletoe and they both kiss him.
This is Chrissy's first Christmas away from home. (I'm sure she's been living away from home at least a year by this point, based on evidence elsewhere, but maybe she went home for Christmas '76.) She talks about the parties her father used to throw, how they invited everyone, including the local rabbi, and it was lots of fun.
Janet: Gee, Chrissy, I thought your father was a real stern minister.
Chrissy: He is, except when he's having fun.
She misses having a party, like back home. Jack suggests having a party in the apartment. Janet says this is a great idea. He has her kiss him again. She says they don't have to worry about making noise. The Ropers went to Helen's brother's for the whole weekend.
While the cat's away: The Brit-Ropers are also going to visit her brother and his family. George doesn't want to go. His brother-in-law brags, including about his automatic garage door opener. Mildred says she doesn't know why her brother invites them, "after what you did in their fishtank." George blames the cheap Spanish wine. She says he didn't have to tip it in. The guppies were drunk for days.
Mr. Roper is worried about something go wrong with the building and/or budgie while they're gone. Mrs. Roper suggests leaving the key upstairs. We learn that Mr. Roper is very amused that his brother-in-law lost his licence for drinking and driving.
Upstairs, Robin suggests inviting the Ropers to their party. Chrissy says Mrs. Roper is all right but Mr. Roper is the kiss of death. And then Jo burns the oven glove.
Mrs. Roper drops by with the key to her flat. She says they'll be gone for the weekend, leaving Saturday morning and coming back on Monday. Chrissy says they'll make sure there are no wild parties while the Ropers are gone.
Hello, Gorgeous: Robin plans to invite "the most seductive, sensual, sexy bird you could wish to meet." Chrissy says, "Well, I'm coming anyway." He actually means Liz Martin, so it looks like I was wrong and we haven't seen the last of Liz.
Jack is going to invite "the most sensual, sexy, seductive woman you ever saw." Janet says, "Well, you can't invite one of us, we're already here." Jack is talking about the luscious Liz Martin.
Robin: Oh, hello, Gorgeous. It's me. I've just been overcome by lust and I have this crude proposition to-- Hello, hello, Mrs. Martin. Could I speak to Elizabeth please?
Jack: Hi, Gorgeous. It's me. Listen, I have just been overcome by lust and I have a crude proposition to-- Oh, hello, Mrs. Martin. Could I speak to your daughter? And a Very Merry Christmas to you.
The Brit-trio continue this scene at the pub, while the Amer-trio stay in their apartment. (Generally, MatH changes scenes more often than 3'sC, I don't know why.)
They've got 14 girls and 14 fellows on their invite list now. Jo invites the gay couple at the next table, Maurice and Henry. Chrissy says, "I don't know which column to put them in."
Jo wants more fellows than girls at the party because she wants them fighting over her. Meanwhile, Robin puts a lot on the slate, I guess running up a debt as he buys alcohol and crisps and such from Jim the Landlord.
Amer-Chrissy calls Mark. Janet tells Jack that this is Chrissy's latest, kind of an actor. Janet delivers the lines about Hedda Gabler and deodorant.
Brit-Mark shows up at the pub. His agent wants him to play a freeze-dried pea in the next advert.
Mark: (to Robin) I ask you, what does a pea sound like?
Robin: Pardon?
Amer-Mark can't make it to the party. He's busy shooting another commercial. (On Christmas Day?) Chrissy tells Janet that Mark will be the voice of a freeze-dried pea.
Chrissy: What's a pea sound like?
Jack: (reentering from the kitchen) Pardon?
Janet suggests making a list of who to invite. She wants more guys than girls, so the guys will fight over her. Jack just wants one girl who likes to say yes.
The Ropers come into the pub. Robin tells them he'll be in all weekend, doing a little studying, a little reading. Jim puts the crate of booze on the counter. With perfect delivery, Robin says, "I might have a little drink."
Before the party: Robin again wears the bra-and-panties apron. This time the audience really reacts, laughing for quite awhile. He objects to using Donald Duck plates for the party. Chrissy says they also have some Popeye plates. "Oh, that's all right!"
Downstairs, Mr. Roper says goodbye to the budgie.
Back upstairs, Robin asks if they're going to let people into the bedrooms at the party, you know what parties can develop into, with any luck. Chrissy says that's all he thinks of. Jo says to be fair, he thinks about football and cooking as well. Chrissy says, "Oh, yes, if he could get his girlfriend and a gas stove in the middle of Wembley Stadium, he'd be away."
Jo looks out the window and sees the Ropers drive away. Robin puts his arms around both girls and says now they're alone with him. Chrissy says they can do anything they like. "Oh, and what were you thinking of, My Tempestuous Beauty?" She was thinking of eating his cheese dip.
Full Swing: We get an exterior shot of the building and rock music plays as a couple gets out of their car. Then we cut to the flat, where the music is coming from. Chrissy, in a lowcut yellow dress, is dancing with Mark.
Jo, more modestly dressed, is mixing drinks, as badly as she cooks. Robin says what she needs is a little fruit. So Henry turns around.
Robin asks if Jo has seen Liz. Since Jo was at her nephew's christening when Robin had Liz over last time, she doesn't know what Liz looks like. Robin, holding two oranges, moves them closer to his chest.
Chrissy asks Mark if he likes her dress, if it gives her a sexy look, like Susan George. Mark just says yes. He does tell her he auditioned for a crowd scene in Straw Dogs (which starred Susan George), but he and Peckinpah didn't hit it off.
Robin asks Chrissy if she's seen Liz. She says no and tells him to get her a drink, but Mark goes to get the drink.
Robin asks what she sees in Mark. She says Mark has a lovely disposition.
Robin: I know, but he wastes it on himself.
Chrissy: He's got one thing you haven't got.
Robin: What?
Chrissy: Me.
Mark answers the door. It's Liz, with a very different hairstyle now, which is probably why I didn't recognize her when I watched this episode before. Her dress is even more revealing than Chrissy's. She recognises Mark. He gives her Chrissy's martini.
Chrissy: Who's that tarty-looking bird chatting up Mark?
Robin: That is Liz.
Chrissy: Yeah, I know, and look at them. Lust at first sight.
Robin says Liz is very attractive and every man at the party fancies her. Henry or Maurice laughs fruitily.
Robin: Well, almost.
Chrissy: I'm hardly surprised. I've seen higher necklines on a topless waitress.
Robin says he'll glide over there and smoothly separate them. Mark and Liz are now on the couch. She asks if he's ever met Michael Caine. Mark stood behind him in line for the canteen at Pinewood.
Liz: What's he like?
Mark: Hamburger and chips.
Robin invites her to dance. She doesn't want to.
Mark says that the most important thing in acting is sincerity. Robin says, "Yes, once you've learned to fake that, you're all right."
Mark invites Liz to dance. She says, "I'd love to."
Jo: (grinning) Don't worry, he's got big ears anyway.
Chrissy: Oh, shut up!
Chrissy asks Robin, who's now smoking, "What happened to your famous sex appeal?" He says, "It's alive and well and standing next to you." He invites her to dance.
Time passes and we see them slow-dancing. He tries to say something about him being a man, and her being a woman, but her sarcasm heads him off. He invites her into his bedroom, just to talk. She says, "It's more crowded in there than it is in here."
He offers to get her a drink. She says, "I'm not sure I could trust myself if I had another drink. Gin and tonic please."
Jo says they're out of ice and she makes Chrissy go downstairs to get some from the Ropers'. Robin offers to carry the ice bucket. He also takes a bottle and glasses.
Liz is cuddling with Mark, but when she sees Robin and Chrissy leave, she grumbles, "Oh, that's nice. He invites me to a party and then goes off with someone else."
Bedding down the budgie: Chrissy is suspicious when Robin puts the cover over the birdcage.
Robin: I'm just bedding down the budgie.
Chrissy: Well, that's all you're bedding down tonight.
Robin says it's quieter down there at the Ropers'. He suggests they have a drink before they go. She says just one, or the ice will start to melt.
Robin: (putting his arm around her) You know, Chrissy, sometimes, sometimes, you know, a man wants more. He wants, he wants something fine and warm, you know. And one day he wakes up and realises it's under his nose.
Chrissy: You're thinking of growing a moustache.
Robin: I'm very serious, Chrissy. I mean, we all want the relationship, the warm relationship--
Chrissy: Look, why don't you come right out with it and say what you're after?
Robin: I just don't know the words.
Chrissy: Yes, you do. I've heard you using them. Anyway, look, remember what we agreed when you moved in.
Robin: Seven pounds fifty a week.
Chrissy: Not that, the other.
Robin: Well, what about it?
Chrissy: There wasn't going to be any. Look, I'm flesh and blood as well.
Robin: I've only got your word for it, Chrissy.
Chrissy: Well, all I'm saying is, if you were a gentleman, you wouldn't take advantage of the way I'm feeling now.
He pulls her closer for a kiss.
Return of the Ropers: We get another exterior shot of the building. We can see silhouettes of the party upstairs. Mr. Roper drives up and parks the car. Apparently he kept talking about his brother-in-law being a drunken driver. Mildred says, "They'll never ask us again." George says that then the evening wasn't a complete waste.
Back in the States, the Ropers return to their apartment. She was never so ashamed in all her life. He kept talking about her brother being arrested for drunk driving. They have the "complete waste" exchange here. And then we get the bit about the garage door opener. And finally the "fishtank" conversation, although the cheap wine isn't Spanish, and Mr. Roper gets a line about the old expression "drinking like a fish."
Jimmy & Betty: Upstairs, Janet is on the phone. All their friends are going to Jimmy and Betty Stevens's party in the neighboring building.
The doorbell rings, Mrs. Roper. They all wish Merry Christmas.
The trio are surprised to see her. She says, "I don't think that Stanley and my brother get along very well." She says they keep hitting each other.
She invites the three of them to a Christmas party. Chrissy is enthusiastic. Jack and Janet are more reluctant. Mrs. Roper promises a cake and Spin the Bottle.
After she leaves, the phone rings. It's Jimmy Stevens asking why they're not at the party. They never got the invitation. Jack happily accepts. He and Janet hug and then sing and dance, but Chrissy insists on going to the Ropers'.
Jack says whale-gutting in the Arctic would be more fun. Janet admits it would be a lousy trick to play on the Ropers if they didn't turn up. Then they realize that Mr. Roper is usually asleep by 9:30 and they can go to the Stevenses' party.
The girls guilt-trip Jack about which pair of socks he's going to wear.
Festive: Helen tells Stanley to look more festive. He asks if he should stick holly up his nose. He doesn't want to party with the kids. The trio come by and we hear that Jack's been talking about nothing but the party all day.
The Ropers have a pink plastic Christmas tree. It's pine-scented, so it also works as an air freshener. Helen's brother Billy gave them the Christmas wreath, wrapped around Stanley's neck.
Mr. Roper serves them a tiny bit of Scotch. He notices that Jack's socks don't match. Janet says, "He has another pair just like it upstairs."
Helen: What shall we play?
Stanley: I don't like games.
Helen: Tell me about it.
It turns out that Mrs. Roper plays a lot of solitaire in bed. Mr. Roper gets the cards from the bedroom and does a pathetic card trick. Mrs. Roper says Jack looks pensive. He says he's thinking of whale-gutting in the Arctic.
The phone rings and Mr. Roper answers it.
Chrissy: Come on, Jack, get your fingers moving!
Jack: Hm?
She wants him to play the piano, so he does. I don't recognize the tune.
Mr. Roper comes over and says that Helen's brother found her earrings in the punch bowl.
Stanley: Has he been playing long?
Chrissy: No, he just started now.
Mr. Roper says, "I can sing you know," which sounds like a threat. He sits next to Jack on the piano bench and sings, "Oh, give me some men who are stout-hearted men...." Jack grins at him and bats his eyelashes. Mr. Roper quickly gets up and switches to "Roll out the Barrel." Chrissy happily sings along. Janet and Mrs. Roper look bored. Jack crosses his eyes at the end.
There's a time lapse and Mr. Roper is singing "In a Shanty in Old Shanty Town." Chrissy is delighted and she claps.
Stanley: (to Jack) Do you know "I'm Walking Behind You on Your Wedding Day"?
Jack: Oh, I hope not.
Mr. Roper brings out his trumpet and plays reveille. Then he says, "Everybody dance!"
Jack exclaims, "Oh my goodness! It's 5 after 10 already! It's past my bedtime!" He says he has to go to sleep, but he doesn't want to drag the girls away.
Chrissy: Oh, no, we'll come to bed with you!
Stanley: What???
Chrissy: I mean at the same time.
The trio excuse themselves. Just outside the apartment, they say they can go to the Stevenses' party. Back inside, Mrs. Roper is upset about Stanley driving the kids away. He tells her that it wasn't her brother on the phone. They were invited to the Stevenses' party after all. Both Jack and Mr. Roper say, "Maybe now we'll meet some interesting people."
Tidying up: What happens when the Brit-Ropers come home is very different. It takes them awhile to notice the music of the party but they decide to ignore it. We find out that Mr. Roper rinsed his teeth in his brother-in-law's bidet.
The Ropers go into their apartment. Robin and Chrissy are tidying up. Robin admits to the party. Mrs. Roper wants to go. "They never had parties like that when we were alive."
Upstairs later, Maurice is doing Jo's hair. She says he'll make somebody a lovely brother.
Mr. Roper is boring Liz with war stories. Chrissy sends him out to move his car so someone else can get out. Liz says hello to Robin, but he pulls Chrissy aside and invites her to his bedroom again, to finish off the bottle of wine. She again says no. He says he's going to donate his body to medicine, "I'm not using it."
We get yet another exterior of the building. Mr. Roper hits the other cars while trying to move his. A policeman catches him.
Back up in the flat, Chrissy tells Robin that if anything had happened, it would've spoiled things. She kisses his cheek. Lisping, he says, "I wonder who's taking Maurice home."
Mrs. Roper is dancing with Mark, when Mr. Roper comes in with the copper. He has to give him "a sample." The trio and their gay friends laugh.
The tag of 3'sC is set just outside of the Ropers' apartment. Jack apologizes to Helen about not telling them about the Stevenses' party. Mrs. Roper is drunk and not at all upset. Mr. Roper is unconscious but standing. The trio help hold him up. Mrs. Roper says to "just put him under the tree, and I'll unwrap him in the morning."
Commentary: "The cat," Mr. Roper, isn't away for very long on 3'sC, and "the mice" definitely don't get as playful. Both trios plan to throw a party in the Ropers' absence, with the male roommates inviting sexy Liz Martin and the Chrissies inviting Mark the actor. But on 3'sC it doesn't work to throw an impromptu party, especially not on Christmas Day. So we get the Ropers returning early and throwing a boring party for the kids. (Boring to them, I find it entertaining, corny jokes and all). And everyone really wants to go to the Stevenses' party. (They keep saying "Stevens," but unless the last name is "Steven," I decided to just be grammatically correct.)
But on MatH, well, well. Quite a change from four months ago, on "And Then There Were Two." Now Chrissy wants to be plied with gin & tonic, and "pow" is looking more appealing. As for Robin, he may be just handing her lines, like he does with other girls, but when he's given the chance to get Liz back, he chooses the less sure thing of Chrissy. Robin & Chrissy's chemistry is great by this point, and the viewer can't help hoping something will happen between them. I doubt Jo would mind, although she'd certainly tease them about it.
I'm not sure what happens between the kiss and the tidying up. Maybe Chrissy breaks away, maybe they hear the Ropers out in the hallway. In a sense it's them (or at least her) backing off, but it's also of course the producers backing off. I'm guessing that, although British television censorship was less strict than American in the 1970s, having two of the platonic flatmates stop being platonic would not have been allowed.
It's still further than it would've gone on 3'sC. Jack can give his roommates mistletoe smooches, but (at least at this point) there's not going to be any serious consideration of, ahem, "a warm relationship." And speaking of sexuality, it's interesting that the gay friends get so much to do on MatH8, when they're not really necessary to the plot. Yes, like all the gay humour on MatH, they're incredibly stereotypical, but nonetheless they are invited to the party and they get to be in the shot of the amused trio. Nothing comparable happens on 3'sC, ever.
3'sC in its first two seasons is more mature and sophisticated than it would be later. (Faint praise I know.) But there's no question that MatH is the more adult program, and this pairing of episodes is a perfect, albeit extreme, example of why.
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