The title of MatH34 makes it sound like this is another "marijuana episode," but it's "pot" in the sense of "kitty." The episode aired on 3 March 1976 and, yes, Jo is back. There is no real American equivalent, not even to the extent of "Three's Christmas," but there were a couple small influences, which I'll discuss at the end.
Calculating: Jo is drying dishes in the kitchen, as Robin sits at the table and plays with his new calculator. He does the square root of 123. Jo doesn't know what a square root is.
He says the calculator can answer any question, so she asks the capital of Nicaragua (pronounced Britishly, with all those syllables). He says it doesn't do geography.
He then says the calculator can think faster than Jo can. "Mind you, so can a packet of fags." She says she can think. He asks if she's sure. She says, "I think so. There you are, I just did."
He has her compete against the calculator in figuring out seven nines. She uses an elaborate method and doesn't quite finish. Indicating the one on the table, he says, "The packet of fags has done it."
Chrissy comes in and says it's 63. Then she says, "You still messing about with that useless object?" He says, "No, I was just talking to her."
Chrissy gives him the word problem, "If three people have a one-year lease on their flat, which expires today, how much will their rent go up?" He gives the answer "Managua" (with all the syllables).
Now smoking, he tells her to leave him alone and let him play with his thing. She says he's burying his head in the sand and refusing to face facts. He says, "I have buried my head in the sand and I'm facing it. That is a fact."
French loaf: Downstairs, George is trying to get Oscar to say, "On board the good ship Venus." (See below.) Someone knocks and then Chrissy lets herself in. She's brought the rent. He tells her that her lease is due for renewal. She says she completely forgot.
He says the rent could go down, but not surprisingly he raises it, to another 25 a month. She says 5 bob isn't bad, but he means 25 pounds. (I'm confused, was he talking shillings or something?)
He says he and Mildred discussed it, and it's only right considering inflation.
George: I have been hit you know.
Chrissy: That's understandable.
Mildred comes in with groceries. She says that's the last time she travels in a Tube train with a French loaf. (French bread, which presumably was poking people.) She hands the bread to her husband.
George: What am I supposed to do with this, Mildred?
Mildred: I don't care, George, as long as you don't make crumbs.
George escorts Chrissy out before she can mention the lease to Mildred. Mildred scolds George for his manners.
He tells Mildred that he extended the kids' lease, for another 25 quid a month. If they don't feel like paying that, there are plenty of other people who would. She tears the newspaper he's reading and says, "I don't want other people. I want them, George. I like them." And he put up the rent last year.
She wants him to go up and tell them he's changed his mind. He says, "I am master in this house." She yanks him to his feet by his shirt.
Two halves: Later, the trio are in the lounge, and Robin does the maths of the rent increase. The girls say they were half expecting the increase. He says, "Right, so that's two halves, equals one."
Chrissy says, "How many times have I told you to stop playing with that thing?" He calculates that.
Jo has a thought. This worries Robin a little. Chrissy says, "Listen to it before you ignore it." Robin says something I don't catch in an American accent, as if imitating a specific person.
Jo thinks they should get a fourth person in to share the flat. Robin and Chrissy like the idea. Jo says she's not just a pretty face, a gorgeous figure, and a bubbly personality.
George knocks and comes in. He brought the rentbook back. He starts to talk about the rent, but when he hears about the fourth person to share, he really likes the idea. He leaves without offering to lower the rent.
Robin says of their new flatmate, "Do you think she should be a boy or a girl?"
Well done: Downstairs, Mildred scolds the bird and then when George comes in she says that the bird's first word can't be repeated. (I thought it spoke on an earlier episode. Oh well, it's not the only continuity issue with this episode.) George says, "Well done, Oscar."
George confusingly explains what he told the kids, making her think he didn't raise the rent.
Thingy: The trio continue their discussion of the new flatmate. Chrissy wonders where he or she would sleep. Robin says they could put a bunk bed in his room, or if it's a fellow, "he can kip on the settee."
Jo: We could get a convertible.
Chrissy: No, let's stick with a girl or a fellow.
(It seems like Chrissy makes most of the sex-change jokes. And Jo means a convertible settee, not a car.)
Robin thinks of someone and then pretends he hasn't.
Robin: (glancing at his wrist) Gosh, look at the time, the pubs are open.
Chrissy: You haven't got a watch on.
Robin: It's all right, it's not raining.
He dashes out.
Jo: Do you remember Thingy?
Chrissy: Oh yeah, six foot ten, black as coal, walked with a limp, parrot on hs shoulder.
Jo: No, not him, the other Thingy. Er, friend of David's. Everyone used to call him James. What was his name?
Chrissy: James?
Jo: Yes, him! Now, he was looking for a flat to share.
Chrissy: Do you know what his phone number is?
Jo: No, but I can phone him up and ask him what it is. (Chrissy looks perplexed.) David, silly girl.
It's not clear if this is the same David that Jo went out with in "Some Enchanted Evening," the shy Jewish fellow that Robin ended up cooking for.
Wong Ling: At the White Swan, George drinks at the bar as Percy polishes a glass.
George tries to give Percy a hypothetical situation about telling his wife something, but Percy isn't married. George explains so badly that Percy says, "You dirty devil! You've been at it." George says, "Well, it was practically offered to me. Well, everything else is going up, so why not?" He says it wasn't to be sneezed at. He says to imagine the position he's in. Percy says, "Well, if you're sneezing at it, I certainly can."
Robin comes in and Percy says, "Here's your friend," but George doesn't greet Robin, who goes to Linda's table.
Robin asks Linda if she's still having problems with her landlord, Wong Ling. She has to be out by the 2nd of the Year of the Grasshopper. She's not sure when that is. (It doesn't exist.)
He offers to share his flat. She asks what it's like, so he says there's a room fifty feet long with marble fountains and silken tapestries. "And that's just the bog" (bathroom).
She points out he's already sharing the flat with a couple girls. He says that's a strictly keep-your-hands-to-yourself situation, what's the word? She suggests boring. He says platonic.
Robin: They'd have to think we're the same, not that we need be.
Linda: How much a week?
Robin: Well, it depends how we feel.
Linda: Rent!
He gets out his calculator.
She says she'd like to look at the flat before she decides. He says she can come by this afternoon. He wants her to pretend they've never met, because the girls wouldn't let his girlfriend move in. Holding her hands in his, he says they've never met before. He kisses her hands. Then he says, "And we are total strangers." They kiss on the lips. Mr. Roper passes by and says, "Blimey!"
James: Jo enters her bathroom, followed by Chrissy and James. He says it's the smallest room in the house. Chrissy says, "Not quite. You haven't seen your room yet."
Chrissy says they'll try to avoid all being in the bath at the same time. Jo says, "Yes, in case the water overflows."
They go out to the kitchen. Chrissy points at the room she shares with Jo and says it's guarded by a force field that causes instant death to any man who crosses it without his trousers on.
He says it's a big kitchen. They go to the lounge and he says that's big, too, and spacious. She opens the door to Robin's room. James says he can see where they got the space from. This is shot in such a way that we can see a poster they can't, of a topless blonde.
Chrissy: You'd be sharing with Robin. He's awfully nice. You'd soon get to know him.
James: I don't see how I could avoid it.
She says he'd be out in the lounge most of the time. He says his feet would be.
He's seen one other flat, on Gloucester Terrace. It's just opposite the cemetery.
James: I was temped to move in there.
Jo: Don't you have to be dead?
James: The flat.
He says that flat was much better but the rent was twice as much as he could afford.
Robin comes home and Chrissy introduces him to James. She tells Robin that James can move in on Monday, so they've found their fourth. Robin says, "Oh, hell!" and we break for adverts.
John: The scene picks up where we left off. Robin says that was an "Oh, hell" of surprise.
Robin: It's nothing against you, Mr., er.
James: James Freeman. James.
Robin: Mr. James.
Robin wants a quick chat with the girls, so the three of them go into the kitchen.
Robin says, "I grant you, he doesn't look bent." He says he'd have to share a room with him. And James is very tall and it's a very small room. Also, he thinks that James could have garlic breath, maybe not right now, but he's just the type. "That's all we need, an enormously tall garlic-chewing pooft."
He says he's never known a John you could trust.
Chrissy: He said his name is James.
Robin: Well, yeah, that's just the sort of lie a John would come out with.
Ironically, James is played by John Flanagan. John F. was only 29 at the time of this episode but had already been typecast as policemen and detectives, so this probably made a nice change for him.
Robin thinks they should wait till somebody more suitable comes along. Chrissy says that if he's really concerned James might be bent, he could go ask.
The three of them return to the lounge. Robin calls James "John," so James corrects him. Robin sits next to James on the settee. Robin says, "Well, James, I'm given to understand you want to share my bedroom with me." James says that's right, but "frankly, I'd rather share theirs," meaning the girls'. Robin says this is a pity.
James: Why? Are you gay?
Robin: Of course I'm not!
Robin puts his hand on James's leg and asks, "Would it put you off the flat if I was?" Chrissy exclaims, "That's not fair! You're trying to convert him!"
James says Robin wouldn't be able to convert him. Leaning in, he tells Robin, "It's not that you're not attractive. I hope we can be friends." Dancing his fingers on Robin's knee, he says he's not gay.
Robin jumps to his feet. Then he grabs Jo and wants to prove he's not gay.
Chrissy tells James that the three of them will have a chat about this. James says he'll go get cigarettes from the machine on the corner. When he hears that there's no machine, he says he doesn't smoke. He exits.
Chrissy asks what Robin has against James. Robin says, "Nothing," but he still wants someone more suitable. He looks at Jo's watch.
Tweet tweet: At the Ropers', she's reading a fashion magazine with an Ocean Pacific advert. George comes home with a bouquet of flowers behind his back.
She tells him the budgie said the word twice. George says the budgie doesn't know what it means. She says she's not sure she does. George says, "Even if he did, he doesn't actually know how to do it." Budgies have very dull sex lives. She says, "Tweet tweet."
The word is obviously a verb. Beyond that, well, it's probably from the lyrics to the very bawdy song "The Good Ship Venus." It might be "bugger." But you can decide for yourself:
http://www.lyricsmania.com/good_ship_venus_lyrics_loudon_wainwright_iii.html
George tells Mildred that he's done something she might not like. Then he gives her the flowers. She says, "Of course I like it." He says he's done something else. Then he gives her a box of chocolates. She's touched, but then suspicious.
He hesitates and then tells her he likes how she's done her hair. She's flattered and then again suspicious. He gets very nervous.
Avon: Chrissy tells Robin he's being unreasonable. He says he doesn't want to share with a man who goes around pretending to be a pooft when he isn't, since that's dishonest.
Someone knocks. Robin answers and it's Linda. He says, "Good afternoon, Madame." Chrissy asks who it is. He says he doesn't know, maybe a Jehovah's Witness or an Avon Lady, could be both. He brings Linda in.
Linda says she heard they were looking for a fourth to share. Chrissy asks how Linda heard since they didn't advertise. Robin says she probably heard him muttering about it in public. Chrissy asks if he muttered their address as well.
Linda calls him Robin, so he says he muttered his name, too. When he refers to Linda by name, Chrissy says, "Linda? Linda mutters as well?"
Jo enters from the kitchen and Chrissy introduces her to Linda. She tells Jo that Robin and Linda mutter together. Jo says they were doing a lot more than that in the back row of some place I don't catch the name of, but presumably the cinema.
Robin cries to Linda, "It was you!" Then he admits that this is his girlfriend.
James returns and Chrissy has him sit down. The trio go back to the kitchen for another chat.
Chrissy says Robin must think they're daft. He denies it, then indicating Jo, "Well, she is a bit, but not you."
Chrissy says, "You'd like that, wouldn't you? Your girlfriend on tap, like gas or electricity. When you're in the mood, shove a bob in." He exclaims, "Chrissy!"
He promises he won't get involved with Linda if she lives there. "Cross my heart, hope to die in a cellar full of rats." Then he admits he's lying.
Chrissy: It wouldn't work, so let's have James.
Jo: Oh, yes, he's lovely.
Robin thinks Jo is after it, meaning sex with James.
Complaints: James says to Linda, "So you're after it as well? The flat." She tells him about her terrible Chinese landlord. You pay him the rent and then an hour later you feel like paying him again. (I think her landlord was only made Chinese for this joke and the one about the Year of the Grasshopper.)
He says his flat is being pulled down by the Council. They're building a multi-story Complaints Department for Rate-Payers.
She asks how you can find an empty flat in London these days. He says, "Murder," meaning it's murder trying to find one. She says, "Yes, that's one way."
He tells her he saw a place in Gloucester Terrace, enormous.
Linda: The flat?
James: The rent.
Rock: Downstairs, Mildred puts on romantic music and sits on the arm of George's chair, while he's reading the newspaper again. She asks, "George, can I press you to a soft centre?", possibly meaning the chocolates. He says they stick to his plate, meaning his dental plate. He had to use a Brillo pad last time.
She tells him to not spoil the mood. She puts her hand inside his shirt and says his heart is fluttering like a little bird. He tells her they shouldn't in the middle of the afternoon. It's not decent.
Not giving up, she tells him that in a certain light, he looks like Rock Hudson, which is of course deeply ironic in hindsight. (Rock died nine years after this episode, coming out shortly before that.) George tells her she does, too, then has to correct this to her looking like a film star. She asks which one, so he says the one they saw on the telly recently, the one that died of drink and drugs. (This is sadly ironic in light of Yootha Joyce's death, which I'll talk about in my very last post.)
Mildred tells George to make the most of her while she's in a good mood. Then he says there is something he's been trying to raise. He admits that he may have inadvertently given her the impression he hadn't put the rent up.
She angrily turns the music off. He tells her, "Keep tickling me, Mildred," and puts her hand back on his chest. She says, "You take your chest off me!"
On her feet, she says he deliberately disobeyed her and lied about it. He gets to his feet, too, and demands, "What are you gonna do about it?"
Gloucester: Upstairs, Robin tosses a coin, saying the girls have to abide by it. But when the coin picks James, Robin doesn't want to abide by it.
James and Linda can hear the trio quarreling and they get to their feet.
Jo says James and Linda can both move in. She picks up the calculator and talks about the maths, then asks, "How do you turn this on?"
Linda tells the trio that she and James have changed their minds. Neither of them wants to move in if it'll cause quarrels. Jo says it won't, and Chrissy says it will.
Linda and James are going to share the flat in Gloucester Terrace. She tells Robin it'll be platonic, like his situation. He says, "But those two are are far more strong-willed than you are." She's of course insulted.
James and Linda start to leave.
Robin: That's my girlfriend!
James: Yes, I know. But look on the bright side. It may cure me.
He blows Robin a kiss, then he and Linda exit.
Jo says they'll have to advertise for the flatmate. Chrissy says, "We can't do that. We'll get all sorts of weirdos applying."
Someone knocks and Chrissy answers. George is standing there with his toothbrush, and the budgie in its cage.
George: I believe you're looking for a fourth to share.
Chrissy: See what I mean.
And the episode ends. I'd have omitted the last line or two and let the audience work it out.
Commentary: It's not the Rock Hudson reference that most dates this episode, or the cost of the rent. It's Robin being obsessed with a frigging calculator! Yes, in 1976 I was amazed by calculators, too, but in my defense I was 8 years old. The mid-'70s was a time of incredible technological advances (computers had already shrunk from room-size although not yet to television-size), but things do look awfully primitive 35 years later. And I know Jo is meant to meant to be dippy, but can she really not multiply seven times nine?
I like the dottiness of her Thingy exchange with Chrissy, who tries to keep up with her. The other Thingy sounds like a pirate.
By this point, I've lost track of their various leases. They did have the three-year lease elapse in "We Shall Not Be Moved," which aired in November 1974, sixteen months ago. Maybe these winter/spring '76 episodes are supposed to be set a few months earlier, which would make the chronology a bit smoother in "The Party's Over."
As on that episode, George claims that he's discussed something with Mildred and she agrees with him, when of course he's scared of her finding out. This episode makes clear that the "obey" in their vows applied to him, not her. I'd feel sorry for him being henpecked, but as always there's the impression he deserves it for being mean in both senses. Also, it's weird watching this episode after "The Party's Over," because Percy suspects George of cheating on Mildred, which George sort of did. And although Mildred is suspicious of George's gifts and compliments, no mention is made of Mrs. Hollins, as if they've already moved on from that incident.
Even stranger is that Linda and the girls have no memory of meeting each other before. Robin is right that his flatmates, Chrissy in particular, would disapprove of him moving his girlfriend in. One way this influenced 3'sC is that during the episode where Amer-Linda temporarily moves in while Janet's away (contract dispute), Jack has to be platonic with Linda, even though this is after the pregnancy scare episode.
It is odd that after all the initial fuss over Robin moving in with two girls, and briefly pretending to be gay, Mr. Roper doesn't give a damn that either Robin is going to be living with three girls, or there will be two girls and two fellows in the flat. All he cares about at this point is the money. Had British society, or at least television, liberalised that much in 2 1/2 years? Or maybe the interval with Larry staying in the flat till he moved into the attic made George OK with a two-man-two-woman living situtation. Now Robin briefly pretends to be gay in order to keep James from moving in, only to have it backfire on him.
I like James. He's cute and witty and he just rolls with whatever the trio throw at him, and yet he wins in the end, getting the better flat, and a nice roommate like Linda. I don't know if they stay platonic, but the fact that neither of them returns to the show suggests they lived happily ever after, at least for awhile.
The other influence this episode had on 3'sC is part of the resolution of the episode "Chrissy's Cousin," where the title character (Jenilee Harrison's Cindy Snow) moves into the apartment. Using astrology, she convinces Jack's girlfriend and Janet's boyfriend to move into a vacant apartment together, although Jack and Janet had each hoped his/her sweetie would move in. That episode is so different from this one though, even more than "Three's Christmas" and "While The Cat's Away," that it's not worth doing an in-depth comparison.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
"The Party's Over"
As I predicted, the sixth series of Man About the House gets modified credits from the fifth. The trio are out on the boat, but Robin is steering with Chrissy next to him, as Jo suns herself. Robin pours two glasses of champagne and hands one to Jo behind him. Jo sips from her glass. Robin drinks from the bottle.
Jo puts on suntan lotion. Chrissy steers and the ride is bumpy, so the lotion bottle falls over and pours into Chrissy's glass. Chrissy takes a long sip, smiling, until she tastes the lotion.
Jo drinks the rest of her champagne, then tosses the glass. It hits the diver on the head. She puts her hands to her cheeks as she laughs.
There's a random swan.
The fisherman throws his cigarette, which falls down Robin's shirt. Chrissy tries to steer as Robin tries to get the cigarette. He takes it out of his navel, looks at it, and then throws it away in disgust.
Except for the credits in the first two series, it's kind of weird that we see the trio with a car and a boat, when on the show they're always scrambling for money. I will say I like these final series credits better than the ones for the penultimate series, since they feel more in character.
Ah, yes, the final series. We're coming towards the end. And how does the beginning of the end begin? Like Chrissy's steering, a bit bumpy. Not that MatH33 is bad. It's actually much better written than the American counterpart. It's just got some oddities, one of which is obvious right from the start, and the other is in the final moments.
But first up, some broadcasting information. "The Party's Over" aired 25 February 1976. NRW adapted it, as they so often did, and this time kept the title. 3'sC43 hit number one on Dec. 5, 1978. The third season of Three's Company began the drift away from verbal humor and towards more slapstick, so perhaps it's not surprising that there are only two MatH-based episodes. "The Best Laid Plans" is the other one. Even the episode where the kids think Helen is having an affair with Stanley's buddy Jerry is not based on a British plot. As for how this episode was Americanized, well, let us proceed.
Fracas: MatH opens at the White Swan. A young man with shoulder-length, shaggy brown hair takes a drink to a girl with similiar hair. An older couple come in, and the man goes to the bar, where Robin has several boxes in front of him. Robin has a new haircut that's very flattering, and I realize how he's gradually become less scruffy over time, with shorter sideboards, too. But then we are moving further away from the '60s.
Robin, smoking, does an inventory of the food and alcohol he's getting. He says, "We don't want a lot of booze 'cause Jo's not with us this with weekend." First of all, does Jo drink much? And secondly, where the heck is Jo? I'll say right now, she never shows up in the episode, and days pass. There's no explanation of where she's gone. We know she's still in the series, because she's in the opening credits, and she's mentioned in the synopsis for the next episode. Was Sally T. out sick? In contract dispute? (Joyce DeWitt missed one episode of 3'sC for that reason, so Linda got an extra episode.) In any case, you'll notice that some of the lines, the Larry ones especially, sound like they were originally for Jo.
Percy the barman: Why don't I just inform the shareholders that you're gonna make a takeover bid for the brewery?
Robin: We're just having a couple people round tonight.
Percy: Oh, really? W.C. Fields and Dean Martin?
Robin laughs and says it's just a party.
Robin: Oh, listen, what are those bacon-flavoured things called?
Percy: Pigs!
Robin means some kind of snack, and he wants a half dozen packets.
The old man taps a coin impatiently on a bottle.
Percy: Your last party, didn't you have an awful little fracas?
Robin: Yes, but we're not inviting him this time.
Mr. Roper kept coming up about something, but Robin couldn't hear him through all the noise.
The old man taps again.
Percy says, "Mr. Roper's not my favourite man. He's mean," in the sense of stingy. Robin says Mr. Roper never stands a round, in the sense of buying a round of drinks. Percy says Mr. Roper stands around till someone buys him a drink, and then he goes.
The old man taps yet again. Percy exclaims, "All right, I shall be with you in a moment! Customers, they think they're here to be waited on." Robin laughs.
Rings a bell: 3'sC skips acquiring the booze and snacks, instead opening with Jack just outside the apartment, carying a sixpack in each hand and a box in his arms. He knocks and calls to Chrissy and Janet. He rings the doorbell with his nose, and his nose gets caught.
Chrissy answers the door and is amused. She calls Janet over, and Janet laughs, too. Janet pushes Jack's nose out. The three roommates go inside.
Olé: In the Brit-trio's kitchen, Chrissy is working on the hors d'oeuvres, while Larry, smoking, makes sandwiches. She tells him to butter the bread more quietly, because they don't want the Ropers to hear. He says, "They're bound to hear as soon as they start dancing. Not the sandwiches, the people."
She says it'll be a very quiet party, with no dancing, singing, or loud conversation. With a leer, he says, "That leaves one thing, and that can be pretty noisy." She doesn't get it and says, "Drinking?"
He comes over and looks at her snacks. He asks about the two sticks in one sausage. She says it's a Spanish fighting sausage, and adds an "Olé."
Robin comes home with one of the boxes and calls to Chrissy and Larry for help. They come in from the kitchen. She says some people can't carry their liquor.
Jack asks his roommates for help. Chrissy says, "I always said you couldn't hold your liquor, Jack." The Amer-girls take the box, as he drops the sixpacks on top.
Jack says his arms have grown six inches. Chrissy says, "Better than if they grew a foot." The girls laugh.
Robin says there are more boxes in the hallway, and Jack says there are more downstairs. Brit-Chrissy/Janet hopes Mr. Roper didn't see him. Jack says he learned camouflage and stalking when he was a Boy Scout. Amer-Chrissy asks if he got any merit badges. "No, but I got a couple of Camp Fire Girls." He laughs big and stagily. He trips on his way to the door but says it's an old Boy Scout trick.
Brit-Larry says that there are 38 1/2 people coming, since he sort of half invited one of them. He also says that Mr. Roper is bound to know they're having a party. Robin says it'll be too late then.
The Amer-girls carry the box into the kitchen. Chrissy says Mr. Roper is bound to find out. Janet says he won't till tonight and then it'll be too late.
Chrissy feels guilty. (She tends to have a guiltier conscience than the other two, probably due to growing up as a minister's daughter.) Janet says this is their first party in over a year. Their friends have been asking them to parties, and if they don't invite them back, they won't have any friends left. Their social life will dwindle down to nothing, and they'll be living like nuns. Chrissy cracks, "Would that make Jack a monk?"
Bulk: In the entryway, George goes through the bottles, mispronouncing the French names, like "Chah-bliss." Robin sees him and says that the bottles are for the three of them. It's bulk-buying. Although Robin tries to discourage him, George offers to help him, by carrying up one bottle.
Jack sneaks down the stairs and grabs a box. Stanley emerges from his apartment and startles Jack. Stanley says there's enough wine for a whole party. Jack says it's cooking wine. "What are you cooking, an elephant?" Jack laughs exaggeratedly. Stanley is more helpful than George, taking up two bottles.
Riot and hooliganism: Brit-Chrissy looks at the sandwiches, cheese & lettuce and ham. Larry asks where to put the one with pilchards (sardines), bananas, and peanut butter. She says out the window. He takes a bite.
Amer-Chrissy asks if they have any of those bacon-flavored things. Janet says, "Pigs?
Robin tries to discourage George from coming into the flat, but George gets the door.
Offscreen, Jack loudly says, "Don't come into the kitchen, Mr. Roper." The girls hide some of the food.
George says it looks like they've been bulk-buying sausages and sandwiches as well. Robin says it's on the off chance that someone might drop in, "like you." Larry offers George a sandwich. George takes a bite. "You don't fool me, you three are having a--" He chokes on the sandwich. Chrissy tells him the contents. He puts the rest of the sandwich back.
Stanley asks what the food is for. Jack says it's for eating. Stanley says the food can't just be for the three of them. Jack stuffs his face with potato chips. Stanley asks if Jack is trying to be funny. With his mouth full, Jack says, "Perish the thought."
Brit-Chrissy/Janet admits that they're throwing a party. She says there were going to invite the Ropers. Robin says, "Were we? Yes, we were."
Janet asks Amer-Chrissy, "Did you forget to call?" With big eyes, Chrissy says Jack was supposed to. Trying to escort Stanley out, Jack says he was just about to call. "Go downstairs and you'll be just in time to answer your phone."
George: I told you after the last one, no more parties.
Stanley: Remember what I told you after the last party, no more parties.
Robin asks if this is because of what that chap did in Mr. Roper's windowbox. George says it was partly that and partly what the couples did on the stairs. "It marked the carpet you know. It won't come out."
Larry says it was only high spirits. George says, "High spirits? It used to be called hooliganism before the middle classes took it up."
Jack admits it got a little noisy. Stanley says it was a riot, and it woke him up. "You know what it takes to wake me up? Just ask Mrs. Roper." Then he thinks better of it.
George/Stanley insists on no parties, Stanley adding, "That's an order from your landlord," and exits.
Brit-Chrissy asks why Robin brought Mr. Roper up. "I didn't, he just followed me."
Robin/Jack says they'll appeal to a higher court. Brit-Chrissy/Janet guesses he means Mrs. Roper.
Robin asks who's going to do it. Brit-Chrissy gives him a look. Jack asks, "Which one of us is gonna do it, you or Chrissy?" Amer-Chrissy definitely doesn't want to. However.
Feathers: Stanley comes home, but George is already there, talking to Oscar. Stanley says, "Dumb kids," and the parakeet imitates him. Stanley smiles and goes over to the bird. He calls it a good bird, a smart bird. George/Stanley says he and the bird don't like noisy parties, which make their feathers fall out. Stanley tells the parakeet to play with its little toy-toy. And he tries to get it to say Stanley, once again.
Someone knocks and Mr. Roper goes to answer it, Stanley telling the bird, "Excuse me." It's the Chrissys, who want to talk to Mrs. Roper.
George says Brit-Chrissy is trying to go over his head behind his back. He discussed the party with her and she's in full agreement with the stand he's taking. Chrissy still wants to speak to her. He says Mildred is lying down. Chrissy says, "When she wakes up."
Stanley invites Amer-Chrissy in before he realizes and says he's on to her.
George says, "You're wasting your time. Mildred agrees with me." The front door opens and Mildred is back from the shops. He says she would've agreed with him if she'd been here. She denies that. The three of them go into the Ropers' flat.
As the door opens on Helen with her purse and a bag of groceries, Stanley says, "I said it's not gonna do you any good. There's only one boss around here." Helen comes in and says, "It's not nice to talk about me behind my back." Amer-Chrissy smiles.
The Chrissys tell Mrs. Roper that there's a party tonight and she's invited. Mrs. Roper is delighted. When Mr. Roper objects, his wife asks if that's his final word. He says yes, so she says, "Good. Then we won't hear any more from you." The American audience applauds.
Brit-Chrissy says it'll be about 8. George tries to protest. Mildred growls, "Down, George!" When Chrissy leaves, Mildred says, "See you later, Love." Chrissy says, "Bye and thanks."
Helen says she'd love to come and thanks for the invitation. Amer-Chrissy leaves.
Mildred says she'll allow George a five-minute sulk. Helen says it's just a little party.
George: Mildred, may I remind you that the wedding service said, "Love, honour, and obey"? Obey. It did not say, "Love, honour, and make me look like a berk."
Mildred: (holding a zucchini and four bananas) It also said, "With my body, I thee worship." There has been precious little worship going on round here!
Stanley: Our wedding service said, "Love, honor, and obey." It didn't say, "Love, honor, and make Stanley look like a jerk."
Helen: That's because God had already taken care of that part.
Holding his thumb and forefinger an inch apart, George says, "I feel about that big." The audience laughs a lot. Mildred says, "I'm not giving you an argument, George." He says he lost face in front of the tenants.
George: They've been laughing at me up there.
Mildred: (laughing) And at 8 o'clock, I'll be joining them.
Stanley: You're making me look foolish in front of the kids. They're gonna be upstairs laughing at me.
Helen: And at 8 o'clock, I'll join them.
Stanley: No, you won't. You'll be downstairs, in the bedroom with me.
Helen: What's the difference where I laugh?
Rollers: In the lounge upstairs, Larry is polishing a glass as Chrissy looks through the albums. She sees Frank Sinatra (obviously not hers), Elton John, the Stones, and a talk-along with Telly Savalas. Larry asks about his Bay City Rollers LP. She says it's broken. He asks who did it. She says she doesn't know, but the world is full of music lovers.
She asks if she should play something sexy or something lively. He says, "It all means the same thing as far as I'm concerned." Amused, she says, "Oh, I see."
Robin enters from his bedroom. He says, "Here I am, as irresistible as ever." He wonders if he should raffle himself off now or later. (To Larry and Chrissy? Shouldn't he wait for the guests?) Chrissy says he should make sure there's enough to eat. He feels his own arm and says there's plenty there.
Larry: (to Robin) You been messing around with my Bay City Rollers?
Robin: I never use them. I'm naturally wavy.
Chrissy asks, "Robbie, is there enough to eat?", one of the few times she calls him that. He looks at the sandwiches-- cheese & lettuce, ham & pickle, and--
Robin: Oh.
Larry: Yeah, they're mine.
Robin: I know they are. Listen, why's that sausage got two sticks in it?
Larry: Er, that's to please the crowd and weaken it for the kill.
After Larry goes in the kitchen, Chrissy says they won't have to be quiet with Mr. Roper coming to the party. They have to get him tanked up quickly and stand him in the corner. Robin says they can hang coats on him.
Frisky: Downstairs, Mildred wants George to zip up the back of her green dress. He insists that there won't be a party. "My mind's made up. It may be a small thing, but my mind's made up."
Mildred says, "George, I've lived with you all these years for one reason only. I need someone to zip me up. Now do it!" Muttering, he gets up and does it. She yelps at his roughness.
She says he should go and enjoy himself. He says he doesn't like enjoying himself. She tells him to let his hair down for once, "metaphorically speaking of course," one of the occasional references to his balding.
She's taking his whiskey upstairs, and she says since there won't be a party, no one will drink it. She'll be home about midnight, probably in a frisky mood.
As soon as she exits, he grabs a pen and paper. He mutters, "I'll give her a frisky mood." He writes a message that starts out, "PARTY CANCELLED."
Margo and Tom: 3'sC skips over those two scenes and so the next parallel scenes have the Mrs. Ropers at the party. Except, there are no other guests.
In the flat, Robin, Chrissy, Larry, and Mildred sit around glumly as a psychedelic instrumental plays. At the apartment, disco music is on. Janet is pacing, as the others sit. The British tune ends. Amer-Chrissy gets up and turns off the record player.
Brit-Larry says, "Have a sandwich, Mrs. R?", yes, with that abbreviation. She says one was quite enough. She asks, "Is anyone else coming or is it just me?" Chrissy says there will be lots of people. They just haven't turned up yet.
There's silence and then Robin says it's 10 past 10. Over in America, Helen says it's after 10.
Mildred laughs and says, "Isn't this fun?" But she's forcing it.
Amer-Chrissy says it's an omen. If you give a party and no one shows up, it means bad luck is coming your way. Janet says that's an old wives' tale. Chrissy says she heard it from Joan Frazier, who's only 24.
Brit-Larry, who's been eating one of his sandwiches, says, "Perhaps we should start without them." Robin says, "Off you go, good luck." But when Janet suggests starting the party without them, her friends agree.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says that she's sure any minute now, all their friends will come pouring/barging through that front door. Everyone looks at the door, but no one arrives. Janet says, "Or maybe not."
The last party they had, there were 75 people and the bed collapsed. Mildred says, "Pardon?" It was all those coats.
Robin says it's now 10 1/2 minutes past 10. Then, getting to his feet, he says this is ridiculous, and somebody should've arrived by now. He goes to the window. He sees Tom and Margo. Chrissy says they're always the last to arrive. He says this time they're the first.
Jack goes to the front door and sees a car pulling up. It's Margo and Tom. Janet says they're always the last ones to come to a party. He says this time they're the first, and maybe it's a surprise party.
Robin puts on another psychedelic tune, but a funkier one. He invites Mrs. Roper to dance. She twists low.
Jack plays the record and says, "Come on, Mrs. Roper. We're gonna have a swingin' time. Get down!" He tries to be funky, but she dances close. (So Robin's T-shirt was right.) She says, "What do we need with other people?" He plays along and dances cheek to cheek.
Brit-Chrissy says Tom and Margo are going away again. Robin goes to the window to look. Then he excuses himself to Mrs. Roper, who keeps dancing, and he exits.
Then she stops and saunters over to Larry, who's drinking alcohol and eating a sandwich. She beckons with her finger and dances at him, smiling. He reluctantly sways a little.
Janet and Amer-Chrissy have gone out the door and they now return, saying that Margo and Tom are getting back in their car. Jack lets go of Mrs. Roper and calls after Margo and Tom. Then he heads downstairs.
We see Robin run downstairs to the front door. He calls out to Tom and Margo. Then he sees a sign on the outer door: "PARTY CANCELLED. ORDER OF LANDLORD." He takes it down.
Emerging into the darkness in a rather sinister way, George says, "When I say a thing is cancelled, Son, it's cancelled. I've also disconnected your doorbell, so there."
Mildred and Brit-Chrissy come downstairs. Robin shows them the sign. Now George is nervous. Mildred growls, "This time you've gone too far! Get in there!"
Over in America, Janet wonders why Margo and Tom left. Chrissy says maybe they thought they weren't late enough. Then there's the exchange about 75 people breaking the bed, with Helen intrigued, and then disappointed when she hears about the coats.
Jack returns with a note that was stuck to the staircase downstairs. Helen recognizes Stanley's handwriting. She gasps and then says, "Oh no! This time he's gone too far!" She gives the note back to Jack and storms out.
Jack hands the note to Janet, who reads, "Sorry, Folks, party cancelled. Had to leave town."
Amer-Chrissy: Well, that--
Jack: Go ahead, Chrissy, say it for all of us.
Janet: Yeah.
Chrissy: That-- Roper!
They just look at her.
Toad: Later at the Ropers', Mildred/Helen is packing, Mildred in the lounge, Helen in the bedroom. George/Stanley claims she's bluffing, like the last time she said she was going to leave him. Then he says that something's upset her, Stanley adding that that's the only time she stops talking. George wants to discuss this like rational people. Mildred/Helen calls her husband a toad. Stanley says, "Well, that's better. At least we're communicating."
Mildred is going to her sister. George says that the sister never did like him. Mildred says, "No one likes you. If you had a grain of common sense, you wouldn't like yourself."
Helen says the party was the straw that broke the camel's back, and she's going to stay with her sister.
Mildred says that this isn't just because of the party. She's been meaning to leave him since the day he walked down the aisle with two of his fly buttons undone. The audience laughs a lot. She says she had to do the buttons up while the vicar wasn't looking. (During the ceremony? When would the vicar not be looking at the bridal couple?) George says, "Is that what you were doing?"
When Mildred closes the lid of her suitcase, she hits his hand, and doesn't apologise.
Out in the entryway, Robin is coming down with a box of booze. He tells Chrissy that he won't get his money back, since he didn't pay yet, but it'll get the booze off the slate.
The Ropers exit their apartment, still arguing. Mildred tells Robin and Chrissy, "Bye-bye, Loves. I'll drop you a line." George still acts like she's bluffing, even when she leaves the building. Then he turns to the kids and says, "Now see what you've done!"
And we break for adverts.
Helen doesn't say goodbye to anyone. She slams both the bedroom door and the front door. From the bedroom, Stanley asks, "How far are you gonna carry this bluff?"
And we go to commercial.
Betty: Upstairs, Jack hangs up and tries another number. Janet says he's not going to get anybody to come back for a party now. Amer-Chrissy says, "Yeah, I'm already here, and I don't wanna come."
Jack is calling Betty, whom he says is crazy about him. He thinks she'll call a couple girlfriends, who'll call a couple fellas. Jack tells Betty (offscreen) that a practical joker put up the sign. When he hears she's undressed and in bed, he says, "Well, how about me coming over there right now?" She hangs up.
Someone knocks and they get their hopes up. Mr. Roper announces himself. Janet calls him a fink and doesn't want Jack to let him in. Jack says, "I'm gonna let him in and then let him have it." He opens the door.
Jack and Stanley say in sync, "I hope you're happy! Do you know what you did?" Then Jack says, "You spoiled our party," as Stanley simultaneously says, "My wife left me."
Stanley says it's their fault, for filling Helen's head with "all those ideas." He asks, "Why would she leave a man like me if she wasn't crazy?" Then he says, "Let her stay away." It'll be a vacation for him. He can do what he likes.
He's about to leave but then he says he feels hungry. Helen didn't make him dinner before she left. He helps himself to the party food. The trio look on in disbelief.
Foofoo: Time passes. Everyone's in a different outfit, and we're in the kitchens. Robin is cooking in his naughty apron, as Chrissy and Larry sit at the table. Jack is sampling the dish he's making, as Amer-Chrissy sits at the table.
Janet enters the kitchen, having finished answering Mrs. Roper's letter. Brit-Chrissy is writing to Mrs. Roper, telling her that "we're well and Mr. Roper's well." Robin says, "You could mention that we're thinking of leaving him, too."
Robin also says Brit-Chrissy has been encouraging Mr. Roper by saying hello.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says Mrs. Roper says she's coming back when pigs grow wings. Annoyed, Robin says, "That could be weeks." This ends up as a spacy Amer-Chrissy line and gets applause.
Robin says Mr. Roper was whining, sighing, and groaning last night. Brit-Chrissy says, "Perhaps we should've let him in." Robin says they let him in Wednesday and he left Thursday. He does a good imitation of Mr. Roper telling a war story.
Robin calls Mr. Roper such a bore. Larry points out that Mr. Roper hasn't shaved in a week. Robin says he's a hairy bore.
Brit-Chrissy wonders where the envelopes are. Robin says they're in Foofoo the Frog, Jo's pyjama case. Jo doesn't wear pyjamas, which is why she keeps her envelopes in there. Chrissy says, "Of course." Clearly, this was meant to be a quirky Jo explanation that they ended up giving to Robin.
Robin says that the last time Mr. Roper came round, he had a knife and fork sticking out of his breast pocket.
After Amer-Chrissy goes into the living room, Jack says Mr. Roper is up here all the time. Janet is going to mail the letter, so he follows her into the living room. He says he doesn't want Roper mooching off more meals from them. Janet says that Jack was the one who invited him up here last time. Jack says he had to, since Mr. Roper was standing there with a knife and fork sticking out of his shirt pocket.
In an unusually sensitive moment, Larry says that Mr. Roper comes up here because he's sort of lost. Robin says, "He thinks this is his flat?"
Mr. Roper knocks and calls to them. Robin nicknames him the lonely vagabond. Without knocking, Stanley calls, "Anybody home?"
Robin and Brit-Larry hide behind the settee. Jack and Amer-Chrissy hide behind the sofa.
Brit-Chrissy answers the door. George is unshaven with messy hair. His shirt is untucked, with the bottom button undone.
Stanley lets himself in. He says, "Did somebody say, 'Come in'?" His hair is rumpled and he's wearing a bathrobe over his clothes, but he doesn't look as bad as George.
Brit-Chrissy says she's on her way out to the post. Janet says she's going to mail a letter. They exit.
George comes in and sees Robin and Brit-Larry. Stanley steps in and sees Jack and Amer-Chrissy.
Amer-Chrissy: (whispering) Is he gone yet?
Stanley: (whispering) No.
Robin/Jack claims that they were looking for his sock, which rolled away. It was in a ball.
George/Stanley says he thought they might like some company. Robin says they've got plenty of company. "Somebody has been up here every night of the week. You." Jack says that's nice but they're very busy.
George/Stanley follows Robin/Jack into the kitchen and says that the dish Robin/Jack is cooking smells good. Robin/Jack says there's only enough for three.
George says he's not looking for charity. Robin says, "You've come to the right place. We haven't got any."
George says he has bread & scrape, eggs, and a bit of cocoa. Robin says George can make a cocoa omelet. Stanley has peanut butter, bread, and a knife.
George burns his tongue sampling Robin's dish.
Brit-Larry comes in and says he couldn't find Robin's sock.
Larry: I brought you a glass of vino instead.
Robin: I won't be able to put my foot in it, but thanks anyway.
George: I haven't had a glass of wine in a long time.
Robin: Well, keep up the the good work.
George takes awhile to leave. Robin tells him to enjoy the cocoa omelet.
Stanley again tells Jack that the food smells good. Leaning close, Jack says, "So do you. What are you wearing?" The audience applauds. Stanley backs away and says he has to go. Jack says, "So soon?"
As Amer-Chrissy comes in, Jack seasons the dish, and Mr. Roper sneaks a chicken leg into his robe. After he leaves, Chrissy says, amused, "Mr. Roper's starting a new takeout business....I've heard of chicken in a bucket, but I've never seen chicken in a pocket." Jack is confused.
Missing her: Brit-Chrissy returns as George comes downstairs. Stanley comes downstairs, eating chicken, which he hides in his robe pocket again when he sees Janet. Stanley asks Janet if she mailed her letter OK, and she tells him how easy it was.
George invites Brit-Chrissy in for a chat. Stanley wants to talk to Janet privately. Both girls are reluctant, but they give in because they feel sorry for Mr. Roper.
The flat and apartment are very messy, with newspapers everywhere. George says the flat needs a woman's touch, and Mildred did keep the place tidy. Stanley says Helen really used to keep the apartment neat.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says that George/Stanley misses his wife. He denies it but says the bird does. (On 3'sC, there's a close-up of the parakeet, which chirps.) George/Stanley hears the bird at night, laying awake, missing Mrs. Roper. Stanley adds the detail that the bird tosses and turns.
Brit-Chrissy: I expect he's quite fond of her, really.
George: He didn't realise till she was gone how fond of her he was.
Janet: He likes her, huh?
Stanley: Now that she's gone, he realizes how much he likes her.
Brit-Chrissy: He could telephone her, ask her to come back.
George: No, I don't let him use the phone.
Chrissy: But you could phone, if only for his sake.
George: No, if I did that, she'd think it was me, and she hates me.
Chrissy: Oh, she doesn't hate you. She may be a bit bored with you, a bit fed up. She may even dislike you a bit, or even a lot.
George: You keep going, you'll work your way back to hate.
Janet: How about a telephone call, asking her to come back?
Stanley: I don't let him use the phone.
Janet: Well, uh, you could call her. You know, for his sake.
George: I mean, be honest. If you were Mildred, would you come back to me?
Brit-Chrissy: Well, not the way you look at the moment. But if you smartened yourself up, had a shave. Have you got a clean shirt?
George: You'd come back then?
Chrissy: I wouldn't, but she might.
He asks if he's let himself go a bit. She nods.
Stanley: Janet, tell me something. If you were Helen, would you come back to me?
Janet: No. Well, uh, I mean, not the way you're looking now. (stroking his hair) But, um, if you combed your hair, you know. (stroking his back) And, uh, you got all dressed up.
Stanley: Then you'd come back?
Janet: I wouldn't. Uh, but she might. Sure, she might.
He smooths his hair and looks hopeful.
Einstein: Upstairs in the kids' flat later, Larry sits at the kitchen table. Robin, annoyed, says the meal is piping hot, but where is she? "Gallivanting to the post box." Larry tells him not to get his pinny (apron) in a twist. Robin exclaims, "My father was right! They don't deserve good food!"
Brit-Chrissy comes in and says she's just been speaking to Mr. Roper. Robin says, "What? Alone, unaided? Sit down, I'll get you a brandy."
As Robin dishes up the food, Chrissy says that Mr. Roper is a proud man. She doesn't know what he's proud of, but he is. He told her he'll ask his wife to come back after she's come back, and not before.
Larry: That don't make sense.
Robin: If it doesn't make sense to Einstein here, what chance have the rest of us got?
Larry: (sarcastically) Oh, nice.
I'm guessing that this exchange, perhaps in a slightly different form, was originally for Jo and Robin.
Chrissy says they'll have to do something. Robin suggests "arsenic in his bread & scrape, or the merciful bullet." She goes to phone Mrs. Roper.
Overall: At least a week has passed, but the long-brown-haired young couple are still at (or back at) the White Swan, now playing darts. The older couple are sitting at the back of the bar. You go, British extras! (My all-time favorite sitcom-extras moment is in a Brady Bunch episode, where the same students repeatedly walk by Marcia and her boyfriend.)
George comes in with a bouquet of yellow flowers. He's shaven and nicely dressed. He goes to the bar, where a mousy middle-aged woman is sitting. Percy says, "Mr. Roper, you look quite presentable. What happened?" George orders a drink and tells Percy to have one himself. Percy says, "It is Mr. Roper, isn't it?"
George says he's off to see his wife, give her a bit of a surprise. Then he says they'd better make the drink a huge one, for him. Mildred is staying with her sister for a few days, till she learns her lesson. The flowers are for her. Percy says, "Oh my. And I'd thought I clicked."
George will have a quick couple of these drinks and then he's off to Purley. (That Mildred's sister lives in Purley was established on "We Shall Not Be Moved.") He won't crawl. Percy says the bus is much the best way. They both drink.
George: You're coming with me, Woman. No argument, you'll do as you're told.
Mousy woman: I beg your pardon?
He apologises.
She's the woman from the pet shop. He didn't recognise her with her clothes on, meaning she usually wears an overall. She says she's Mrs. Hollins and asks after his "little Whatshisname." George is embarrassed, till she remembers the name, Oscar. George says Oscar is all right, a bit lonely this time of year. She says, "Aren't we all?"
He says, "Another Scotch, Percy." Then he offers to buy her a drink. She asks for a large Snowball, which is a cocktail. She's played by Hilda Braid, who would go on to do 210 episodes of Eastenders in her 70s.
Smock: Things go differently on 3'sC, in part because they're not using the Regal Beagle set this week. After Janet's pep talk, the scene fades and then reopens on the Ropers' living room. Stanley enters from his bedroom. His hair is combed and he's wearing plaid pants, a pink leisure-suity jacket, a wide-lapeled brown shirt, and a white undershirt. The audience laughs, whistles, and oohs.
The bird whistles, too. Stanley smiles and goes over to it. He says, "I look good, huh?" He says he's going to bring Helen back from her sister's. She'll come out and say, "Oh, Stanley!" He continues, "And I'm gonna say, 'Helen, I love you.' " He surprises himself, then says, "Yeah, what the hell. 'Helen, I love you.' I'm gonna go to the door," he opens his actual door, "and I'm gonna say, 'You're coming with me, Woman.' "
On the other side of the door is a middle-aged woman with blonde curly hair. She's holding a little paper bag. He recognizes her from the pet shop, Mrs. Hollins. He says he didn't recognize her at first with her clothes on. "I mean, I usually see you in that smock."
Diana Herbert debuted at 17 in Margie (1946) and is still working to this day, although now it tends to be as aunts and grandmothers. Her Mrs. Hollins is more attractive than Hilda Braid's, but I think this is deliberate.
Mrs. Hollins says, "You left this behind at the shop. It's the vitamins for your parakeet." She asks after the parakeet and Stanley says, "I'm lonely. I mean, he's lonely." She wants to look at the poor little thing, so they go over to the cage.
Gurgling: Upstairs in the flat, Mildred is in the armchair, while Chrissy serves her tea. Robin and Larry are on the settee. At the Amer-trio's apartment, the women are sitting on the couch, while Jack leans over them. Helen says she was so happy when they called.
On the subject of Mr. Roper missing his wife, Robin says that at night they hear gurgling sounds from downstairs. Larry says, "Nah, that's the lavatory." On 3'sC, these lines surprisingly go to Janet (with "gurgling sobs") and Helen (with "the toilet"). Robin/Janet says that the gurgling was from Mr. Roper, who's not the man he used to be. Mildred/Helen says, "He never was."
Brit-Chrissy: Mrs. Roper, he said to me, the only one I've ever loved has left me.
Mildred: Oho, has his budgie escaped then?
She's skeptical and wants to know his exact words.
Chrissy: "I miss the old bag."
Mildred: That sounds like him.
Larry says, "He did say he missed you." Robin says she must've missed Mr. Roper a bit. She says she's used to him, like a toothache.
Robin: Imagine life without him. I mean, never to see him. I grant you, it sounds attractive.
Larry: It certainly does.
Chrissy: Only to us, not necessarily to Mrs. Roper.
In America, this is all shortened to Chrissy saying, "The important thing is that he misses you."
Mildred/Helen says maybe she a was a bit hasty. Brit-Chrissy says, "Don't upset yourself. He's not worth it. Well, yes, he is worth it." The men agree. On 3'sC, Helen wonders if Stanley is worth it. Jack says, "Of course he is."
Mildred: No, he's not, but he's all I've got.
Helen: No, he's not, but he's mine.
Mildred says they've talked her into it. She stands up, looking determined.
Love means...: Downstairs, Stanley is pacing. George is talking to Oscar. He says, "They'd never let me see her. The sister, the husband, the goldfish. They do not like me." Although, based on previous mentions, he's probably right about his in-laws, he's clearly drunk at the moment. He pours himself another drink. He again says, "They'd never let me see her."
Mildred/Helen enters. Not seeing her, George says he's come home to Oscar, "me only friend." Moved, Mildred says, "He's not your only friend, George." They call each other's names a few times. She goes to him.
Mildred/Helen doesn't want her husband to say anything, just listen. Mildred says, "You can't help being the way you are." Perhaps she could've tried harder to understand.
Mildred: When two people love each other, George, does it really matter whether they like each other? You know, I mean all the time? I mean, isn't that what love is all about?
Helen: If two people love each other, does it matter whether they like each other? I mean, I mean, all the time. Isn't that what love is all about?
And then, Brit-Mrs.-Hollins enters from the bedroom, with a cigarette. She's not wearing a blouse, so we see her bra! She says, "Make mine a large one, Dear." Then she sees Mildred and is startled. Mildred is understandably outraged.
Brit-Larry and Robin are listening outside the door, as Chrissy sits on the stairs. Larry is smoking. We hear Mildred demand, "How dare you bring another woman into my house?" Mrs. Hollins says something about his little budgie. Then plates break. Not for the first time, Mildred calls George a dirty little devil. Robin thinks things are back to normal. Chrissy says, "Definitely back to normal."
And the episode ends there!
On 3'sC, Mrs. Hollins comes in from the kitchen, fully dressed, saying, "Here we are, nothing like some vitamins to pep a fellow up."
Helen: (confused rather than jealous) Oh, I didn't know you had company.
Stanley: Helen, I can explain.
Mrs. Hollins: I'm Mrs. Hollins. I just came over to see his little friend.
Helen blinks, speechless. As Stanley pushes Mrs. Hollins out, he says, "It's not what you think."
Mrs. Hollins: (exiting) Nice meeting you.
Helen: Likewise.
Stanley: Helen, before you lose your temper, you gotta believe me, nothing happened!
Helen: I know.
Stanley: You don't know! I'm a man! I'm capable!
Helen: Given time.
Stanley: You caught me with another woman. You should be shocked! And upset!
Helen: OK, so I'm shocked and upset.
Stanley: That's better.
Helen says she didn't come back home to fight with him. She came back to forgive and forget. He smiles and thanks her. He says, "I'm glad you came back." He hesitantly kisses her. The audience applauds.
She smiles and says, "Thank you, Stanley." She says the best part of a fight is the making up. She tells him, "Come on, Lover." He says, "I knew there was a catch to it." She takes his hand and leads him to the bedroom. We see his hand grab the doorframe, but she keeps pulling until his hand lets go.
Bride and bribery: In the American tag, everyone is sitting on or by the couch, the trio grinning, as Mrs. Roper talks about her husband. She says, "These last few days have been fantastic! Stanley's been so attentive and so loving and so romantic! I feel like a bride on her honeymoon!" No one points out that she spent her honeymoon playing Monopoly.
Janet says this is wonderful, and Chrissy says, "I'm happy for you."
Helen says she got Stanley to let them have their party. Jack asks how. It was bribery: a night off. The trio are amused.
And the episode ends.
Commentary: We don't know exactly what happens with the British versions of Mr. Roper and Mrs. Hollins, but it at least involves her taking off her blouse. I think they deliberately made her mousy in order to add to the shock factor. It's unclear if she's married, widowed, or divorced, but he of course is married. True, his wife has left him, but he was supposed to be going to collect her from her sister's, whether or not the in-laws dislike him.
We can be pretty sure that the American Mr. Roper did nothing but look at his bird with Mrs. Hollins, and, no, "bird" is not a euphemism here. Stanley is capable, but he seems genuinely less interested in sex and romance than George is. While Helen glows with his attentions, he is clearly reluctant to go in the bedroom with her, and he's later happy to have a night off. George, if you get him liquored up enough, can be rather amorous.
The borderline adultery aside, the British episode is better, mostly because of the humour, like the absurdism of the dancing sandwiches and the Spanish fighting sausage. Even Robin's line about putting his foot in a glass of wine is whimsical. I also like the turn of phrase "the merciful bullet." The Robin-as-annoyed-housewife bit is cute. And I like how many funny lines Percy gets. Jim the bartender never gets to be funny.
When Janet says that this is the first party they've had in over a year, she's apparently not counting the party on "Three's Christmas," perhaps because no one showed up at that one. It was slightly less than a year ago. The party previous to that was the one on "Strange Bedfellows," but Janet and Amer-Chrissy weren't there, as it was a party Jack threw while they were out of town. The party with the 75 coats must've been in between episodes.
As for the Brits, the last party we saw them throw was on "While the Cat's Away," back in January 1974. It did seem like a wild enough party for Mr. Roper to forbid them having another, although I don't think there were 75 people. It's likely that they, too, had a party in between episodes.
George makes another of his comments about the middle class, this time about how they took up hooliganism, presumably in the 1960s.
A "berk" is not exactly equivalent to a "jerk," since it's Cockney rhyming slang for "cunt," from "Berkeley hunt." But there's no comparable American term, and the change of one letter works.
There's another suggestion that Mildred masturbates, since she's holding five phallic symbols when she complains that George doesn't worship her body enough. This episode continues Mildred's half-joking suspicion that her husband loves the budgie more than he loves her.
Jack is more cooperative with Mrs. Roper's advances than Robin is, but then Helen is less aggressive than Mildred sometimes is towards Robin.
The British episode has another example of Chrissy being too innocent to get something, like Mr. Roper's curly hair on the "wig" episode, this time her not realising the noisy activity Larry's thinking of. I like that Larry and Chrissy get some moments together on their own, and seem to be getting along, an unexpected benefit to the Jo-less-ness.
The scenes between Brit-Chrissy & George and Janet & Stanley are sweet, particularly the way Chrissy keeps putting her foot in her mouth, as she later does with Mrs. Roper.
It's cool that all the celebrities mentioned on MatH are ones that Americans (at least in the '70s) would be familiar with, no need for me to resort to Wikipedia this time. The Bay City Rollers feel too teenybopper for Larry's taste, but who knows.
A quick note on the new closing credits for MatH. They've added pictures of keychains for the trio. Robin's says, "MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR," suggesting that his view of free love is a carryover from the '60s. Chrissy's is the letter C and a red heart. Jo has the letter J and a picture of a blond man holding an animal. The keychains are all together at the end, and Robin and Chrissy get theirs individually, but Sally Thomsett's name is omitted here. We'll see what happens next week....
Jo puts on suntan lotion. Chrissy steers and the ride is bumpy, so the lotion bottle falls over and pours into Chrissy's glass. Chrissy takes a long sip, smiling, until she tastes the lotion.
Jo drinks the rest of her champagne, then tosses the glass. It hits the diver on the head. She puts her hands to her cheeks as she laughs.
There's a random swan.
The fisherman throws his cigarette, which falls down Robin's shirt. Chrissy tries to steer as Robin tries to get the cigarette. He takes it out of his navel, looks at it, and then throws it away in disgust.
Except for the credits in the first two series, it's kind of weird that we see the trio with a car and a boat, when on the show they're always scrambling for money. I will say I like these final series credits better than the ones for the penultimate series, since they feel more in character.
Ah, yes, the final series. We're coming towards the end. And how does the beginning of the end begin? Like Chrissy's steering, a bit bumpy. Not that MatH33 is bad. It's actually much better written than the American counterpart. It's just got some oddities, one of which is obvious right from the start, and the other is in the final moments.
But first up, some broadcasting information. "The Party's Over" aired 25 February 1976. NRW adapted it, as they so often did, and this time kept the title. 3'sC43 hit number one on Dec. 5, 1978. The third season of Three's Company began the drift away from verbal humor and towards more slapstick, so perhaps it's not surprising that there are only two MatH-based episodes. "The Best Laid Plans" is the other one. Even the episode where the kids think Helen is having an affair with Stanley's buddy Jerry is not based on a British plot. As for how this episode was Americanized, well, let us proceed.
Fracas: MatH opens at the White Swan. A young man with shoulder-length, shaggy brown hair takes a drink to a girl with similiar hair. An older couple come in, and the man goes to the bar, where Robin has several boxes in front of him. Robin has a new haircut that's very flattering, and I realize how he's gradually become less scruffy over time, with shorter sideboards, too. But then we are moving further away from the '60s.
Robin, smoking, does an inventory of the food and alcohol he's getting. He says, "We don't want a lot of booze 'cause Jo's not with us this with weekend." First of all, does Jo drink much? And secondly, where the heck is Jo? I'll say right now, she never shows up in the episode, and days pass. There's no explanation of where she's gone. We know she's still in the series, because she's in the opening credits, and she's mentioned in the synopsis for the next episode. Was Sally T. out sick? In contract dispute? (Joyce DeWitt missed one episode of 3'sC for that reason, so Linda got an extra episode.) In any case, you'll notice that some of the lines, the Larry ones especially, sound like they were originally for Jo.
Percy the barman: Why don't I just inform the shareholders that you're gonna make a takeover bid for the brewery?
Robin: We're just having a couple people round tonight.
Percy: Oh, really? W.C. Fields and Dean Martin?
Robin laughs and says it's just a party.
Robin: Oh, listen, what are those bacon-flavoured things called?
Percy: Pigs!
Robin means some kind of snack, and he wants a half dozen packets.
The old man taps a coin impatiently on a bottle.
Percy: Your last party, didn't you have an awful little fracas?
Robin: Yes, but we're not inviting him this time.
Mr. Roper kept coming up about something, but Robin couldn't hear him through all the noise.
The old man taps again.
Percy says, "Mr. Roper's not my favourite man. He's mean," in the sense of stingy. Robin says Mr. Roper never stands a round, in the sense of buying a round of drinks. Percy says Mr. Roper stands around till someone buys him a drink, and then he goes.
The old man taps yet again. Percy exclaims, "All right, I shall be with you in a moment! Customers, they think they're here to be waited on." Robin laughs.
Rings a bell: 3'sC skips acquiring the booze and snacks, instead opening with Jack just outside the apartment, carying a sixpack in each hand and a box in his arms. He knocks and calls to Chrissy and Janet. He rings the doorbell with his nose, and his nose gets caught.
Chrissy answers the door and is amused. She calls Janet over, and Janet laughs, too. Janet pushes Jack's nose out. The three roommates go inside.
Olé: In the Brit-trio's kitchen, Chrissy is working on the hors d'oeuvres, while Larry, smoking, makes sandwiches. She tells him to butter the bread more quietly, because they don't want the Ropers to hear. He says, "They're bound to hear as soon as they start dancing. Not the sandwiches, the people."
She says it'll be a very quiet party, with no dancing, singing, or loud conversation. With a leer, he says, "That leaves one thing, and that can be pretty noisy." She doesn't get it and says, "Drinking?"
He comes over and looks at her snacks. He asks about the two sticks in one sausage. She says it's a Spanish fighting sausage, and adds an "Olé."
Robin comes home with one of the boxes and calls to Chrissy and Larry for help. They come in from the kitchen. She says some people can't carry their liquor.
Jack asks his roommates for help. Chrissy says, "I always said you couldn't hold your liquor, Jack." The Amer-girls take the box, as he drops the sixpacks on top.
Jack says his arms have grown six inches. Chrissy says, "Better than if they grew a foot." The girls laugh.
Robin says there are more boxes in the hallway, and Jack says there are more downstairs. Brit-Chrissy/Janet hopes Mr. Roper didn't see him. Jack says he learned camouflage and stalking when he was a Boy Scout. Amer-Chrissy asks if he got any merit badges. "No, but I got a couple of Camp Fire Girls." He laughs big and stagily. He trips on his way to the door but says it's an old Boy Scout trick.
Brit-Larry says that there are 38 1/2 people coming, since he sort of half invited one of them. He also says that Mr. Roper is bound to know they're having a party. Robin says it'll be too late then.
The Amer-girls carry the box into the kitchen. Chrissy says Mr. Roper is bound to find out. Janet says he won't till tonight and then it'll be too late.
Chrissy feels guilty. (She tends to have a guiltier conscience than the other two, probably due to growing up as a minister's daughter.) Janet says this is their first party in over a year. Their friends have been asking them to parties, and if they don't invite them back, they won't have any friends left. Their social life will dwindle down to nothing, and they'll be living like nuns. Chrissy cracks, "Would that make Jack a monk?"
Bulk: In the entryway, George goes through the bottles, mispronouncing the French names, like "Chah-bliss." Robin sees him and says that the bottles are for the three of them. It's bulk-buying. Although Robin tries to discourage him, George offers to help him, by carrying up one bottle.
Jack sneaks down the stairs and grabs a box. Stanley emerges from his apartment and startles Jack. Stanley says there's enough wine for a whole party. Jack says it's cooking wine. "What are you cooking, an elephant?" Jack laughs exaggeratedly. Stanley is more helpful than George, taking up two bottles.
Riot and hooliganism: Brit-Chrissy looks at the sandwiches, cheese & lettuce and ham. Larry asks where to put the one with pilchards (sardines), bananas, and peanut butter. She says out the window. He takes a bite.
Amer-Chrissy asks if they have any of those bacon-flavored things. Janet says, "Pigs?
Robin tries to discourage George from coming into the flat, but George gets the door.
Offscreen, Jack loudly says, "Don't come into the kitchen, Mr. Roper." The girls hide some of the food.
George says it looks like they've been bulk-buying sausages and sandwiches as well. Robin says it's on the off chance that someone might drop in, "like you." Larry offers George a sandwich. George takes a bite. "You don't fool me, you three are having a--" He chokes on the sandwich. Chrissy tells him the contents. He puts the rest of the sandwich back.
Stanley asks what the food is for. Jack says it's for eating. Stanley says the food can't just be for the three of them. Jack stuffs his face with potato chips. Stanley asks if Jack is trying to be funny. With his mouth full, Jack says, "Perish the thought."
Brit-Chrissy/Janet admits that they're throwing a party. She says there were going to invite the Ropers. Robin says, "Were we? Yes, we were."
Janet asks Amer-Chrissy, "Did you forget to call?" With big eyes, Chrissy says Jack was supposed to. Trying to escort Stanley out, Jack says he was just about to call. "Go downstairs and you'll be just in time to answer your phone."
George: I told you after the last one, no more parties.
Stanley: Remember what I told you after the last party, no more parties.
Robin asks if this is because of what that chap did in Mr. Roper's windowbox. George says it was partly that and partly what the couples did on the stairs. "It marked the carpet you know. It won't come out."
Larry says it was only high spirits. George says, "High spirits? It used to be called hooliganism before the middle classes took it up."
Jack admits it got a little noisy. Stanley says it was a riot, and it woke him up. "You know what it takes to wake me up? Just ask Mrs. Roper." Then he thinks better of it.
George/Stanley insists on no parties, Stanley adding, "That's an order from your landlord," and exits.
Brit-Chrissy asks why Robin brought Mr. Roper up. "I didn't, he just followed me."
Robin/Jack says they'll appeal to a higher court. Brit-Chrissy/Janet guesses he means Mrs. Roper.
Robin asks who's going to do it. Brit-Chrissy gives him a look. Jack asks, "Which one of us is gonna do it, you or Chrissy?" Amer-Chrissy definitely doesn't want to. However.
Feathers: Stanley comes home, but George is already there, talking to Oscar. Stanley says, "Dumb kids," and the parakeet imitates him. Stanley smiles and goes over to the bird. He calls it a good bird, a smart bird. George/Stanley says he and the bird don't like noisy parties, which make their feathers fall out. Stanley tells the parakeet to play with its little toy-toy. And he tries to get it to say Stanley, once again.
Someone knocks and Mr. Roper goes to answer it, Stanley telling the bird, "Excuse me." It's the Chrissys, who want to talk to Mrs. Roper.
George says Brit-Chrissy is trying to go over his head behind his back. He discussed the party with her and she's in full agreement with the stand he's taking. Chrissy still wants to speak to her. He says Mildred is lying down. Chrissy says, "When she wakes up."
Stanley invites Amer-Chrissy in before he realizes and says he's on to her.
George says, "You're wasting your time. Mildred agrees with me." The front door opens and Mildred is back from the shops. He says she would've agreed with him if she'd been here. She denies that. The three of them go into the Ropers' flat.
As the door opens on Helen with her purse and a bag of groceries, Stanley says, "I said it's not gonna do you any good. There's only one boss around here." Helen comes in and says, "It's not nice to talk about me behind my back." Amer-Chrissy smiles.
The Chrissys tell Mrs. Roper that there's a party tonight and she's invited. Mrs. Roper is delighted. When Mr. Roper objects, his wife asks if that's his final word. He says yes, so she says, "Good. Then we won't hear any more from you." The American audience applauds.
Brit-Chrissy says it'll be about 8. George tries to protest. Mildred growls, "Down, George!" When Chrissy leaves, Mildred says, "See you later, Love." Chrissy says, "Bye and thanks."
Helen says she'd love to come and thanks for the invitation. Amer-Chrissy leaves.
Mildred says she'll allow George a five-minute sulk. Helen says it's just a little party.
George: Mildred, may I remind you that the wedding service said, "Love, honour, and obey"? Obey. It did not say, "Love, honour, and make me look like a berk."
Mildred: (holding a zucchini and four bananas) It also said, "With my body, I thee worship." There has been precious little worship going on round here!
Stanley: Our wedding service said, "Love, honor, and obey." It didn't say, "Love, honor, and make Stanley look like a jerk."
Helen: That's because God had already taken care of that part.
Holding his thumb and forefinger an inch apart, George says, "I feel about that big." The audience laughs a lot. Mildred says, "I'm not giving you an argument, George." He says he lost face in front of the tenants.
George: They've been laughing at me up there.
Mildred: (laughing) And at 8 o'clock, I'll be joining them.
Stanley: You're making me look foolish in front of the kids. They're gonna be upstairs laughing at me.
Helen: And at 8 o'clock, I'll join them.
Stanley: No, you won't. You'll be downstairs, in the bedroom with me.
Helen: What's the difference where I laugh?
Rollers: In the lounge upstairs, Larry is polishing a glass as Chrissy looks through the albums. She sees Frank Sinatra (obviously not hers), Elton John, the Stones, and a talk-along with Telly Savalas. Larry asks about his Bay City Rollers LP. She says it's broken. He asks who did it. She says she doesn't know, but the world is full of music lovers.
She asks if she should play something sexy or something lively. He says, "It all means the same thing as far as I'm concerned." Amused, she says, "Oh, I see."
Robin enters from his bedroom. He says, "Here I am, as irresistible as ever." He wonders if he should raffle himself off now or later. (To Larry and Chrissy? Shouldn't he wait for the guests?) Chrissy says he should make sure there's enough to eat. He feels his own arm and says there's plenty there.
Larry: (to Robin) You been messing around with my Bay City Rollers?
Robin: I never use them. I'm naturally wavy.
Chrissy asks, "Robbie, is there enough to eat?", one of the few times she calls him that. He looks at the sandwiches-- cheese & lettuce, ham & pickle, and--
Robin: Oh.
Larry: Yeah, they're mine.
Robin: I know they are. Listen, why's that sausage got two sticks in it?
Larry: Er, that's to please the crowd and weaken it for the kill.
After Larry goes in the kitchen, Chrissy says they won't have to be quiet with Mr. Roper coming to the party. They have to get him tanked up quickly and stand him in the corner. Robin says they can hang coats on him.
Frisky: Downstairs, Mildred wants George to zip up the back of her green dress. He insists that there won't be a party. "My mind's made up. It may be a small thing, but my mind's made up."
Mildred says, "George, I've lived with you all these years for one reason only. I need someone to zip me up. Now do it!" Muttering, he gets up and does it. She yelps at his roughness.
She says he should go and enjoy himself. He says he doesn't like enjoying himself. She tells him to let his hair down for once, "metaphorically speaking of course," one of the occasional references to his balding.
She's taking his whiskey upstairs, and she says since there won't be a party, no one will drink it. She'll be home about midnight, probably in a frisky mood.
As soon as she exits, he grabs a pen and paper. He mutters, "I'll give her a frisky mood." He writes a message that starts out, "PARTY CANCELLED."
Margo and Tom: 3'sC skips over those two scenes and so the next parallel scenes have the Mrs. Ropers at the party. Except, there are no other guests.
In the flat, Robin, Chrissy, Larry, and Mildred sit around glumly as a psychedelic instrumental plays. At the apartment, disco music is on. Janet is pacing, as the others sit. The British tune ends. Amer-Chrissy gets up and turns off the record player.
Brit-Larry says, "Have a sandwich, Mrs. R?", yes, with that abbreviation. She says one was quite enough. She asks, "Is anyone else coming or is it just me?" Chrissy says there will be lots of people. They just haven't turned up yet.
There's silence and then Robin says it's 10 past 10. Over in America, Helen says it's after 10.
Mildred laughs and says, "Isn't this fun?" But she's forcing it.
Amer-Chrissy says it's an omen. If you give a party and no one shows up, it means bad luck is coming your way. Janet says that's an old wives' tale. Chrissy says she heard it from Joan Frazier, who's only 24.
Brit-Larry, who's been eating one of his sandwiches, says, "Perhaps we should start without them." Robin says, "Off you go, good luck." But when Janet suggests starting the party without them, her friends agree.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says that she's sure any minute now, all their friends will come pouring/barging through that front door. Everyone looks at the door, but no one arrives. Janet says, "Or maybe not."
The last party they had, there were 75 people and the bed collapsed. Mildred says, "Pardon?" It was all those coats.
Robin says it's now 10 1/2 minutes past 10. Then, getting to his feet, he says this is ridiculous, and somebody should've arrived by now. He goes to the window. He sees Tom and Margo. Chrissy says they're always the last to arrive. He says this time they're the first.
Jack goes to the front door and sees a car pulling up. It's Margo and Tom. Janet says they're always the last ones to come to a party. He says this time they're the first, and maybe it's a surprise party.
Robin puts on another psychedelic tune, but a funkier one. He invites Mrs. Roper to dance. She twists low.
Jack plays the record and says, "Come on, Mrs. Roper. We're gonna have a swingin' time. Get down!" He tries to be funky, but she dances close. (So Robin's T-shirt was right.) She says, "What do we need with other people?" He plays along and dances cheek to cheek.
Brit-Chrissy says Tom and Margo are going away again. Robin goes to the window to look. Then he excuses himself to Mrs. Roper, who keeps dancing, and he exits.
Then she stops and saunters over to Larry, who's drinking alcohol and eating a sandwich. She beckons with her finger and dances at him, smiling. He reluctantly sways a little.
Janet and Amer-Chrissy have gone out the door and they now return, saying that Margo and Tom are getting back in their car. Jack lets go of Mrs. Roper and calls after Margo and Tom. Then he heads downstairs.
We see Robin run downstairs to the front door. He calls out to Tom and Margo. Then he sees a sign on the outer door: "PARTY CANCELLED. ORDER OF LANDLORD." He takes it down.
Emerging into the darkness in a rather sinister way, George says, "When I say a thing is cancelled, Son, it's cancelled. I've also disconnected your doorbell, so there."
Mildred and Brit-Chrissy come downstairs. Robin shows them the sign. Now George is nervous. Mildred growls, "This time you've gone too far! Get in there!"
Over in America, Janet wonders why Margo and Tom left. Chrissy says maybe they thought they weren't late enough. Then there's the exchange about 75 people breaking the bed, with Helen intrigued, and then disappointed when she hears about the coats.
Jack returns with a note that was stuck to the staircase downstairs. Helen recognizes Stanley's handwriting. She gasps and then says, "Oh no! This time he's gone too far!" She gives the note back to Jack and storms out.
Jack hands the note to Janet, who reads, "Sorry, Folks, party cancelled. Had to leave town."
Amer-Chrissy: Well, that--
Jack: Go ahead, Chrissy, say it for all of us.
Janet: Yeah.
Chrissy: That-- Roper!
They just look at her.
Toad: Later at the Ropers', Mildred/Helen is packing, Mildred in the lounge, Helen in the bedroom. George/Stanley claims she's bluffing, like the last time she said she was going to leave him. Then he says that something's upset her, Stanley adding that that's the only time she stops talking. George wants to discuss this like rational people. Mildred/Helen calls her husband a toad. Stanley says, "Well, that's better. At least we're communicating."
Mildred is going to her sister. George says that the sister never did like him. Mildred says, "No one likes you. If you had a grain of common sense, you wouldn't like yourself."
Helen says the party was the straw that broke the camel's back, and she's going to stay with her sister.
Mildred says that this isn't just because of the party. She's been meaning to leave him since the day he walked down the aisle with two of his fly buttons undone. The audience laughs a lot. She says she had to do the buttons up while the vicar wasn't looking. (During the ceremony? When would the vicar not be looking at the bridal couple?) George says, "Is that what you were doing?"
When Mildred closes the lid of her suitcase, she hits his hand, and doesn't apologise.
Out in the entryway, Robin is coming down with a box of booze. He tells Chrissy that he won't get his money back, since he didn't pay yet, but it'll get the booze off the slate.
The Ropers exit their apartment, still arguing. Mildred tells Robin and Chrissy, "Bye-bye, Loves. I'll drop you a line." George still acts like she's bluffing, even when she leaves the building. Then he turns to the kids and says, "Now see what you've done!"
And we break for adverts.
Helen doesn't say goodbye to anyone. She slams both the bedroom door and the front door. From the bedroom, Stanley asks, "How far are you gonna carry this bluff?"
And we go to commercial.
Betty: Upstairs, Jack hangs up and tries another number. Janet says he's not going to get anybody to come back for a party now. Amer-Chrissy says, "Yeah, I'm already here, and I don't wanna come."
Jack is calling Betty, whom he says is crazy about him. He thinks she'll call a couple girlfriends, who'll call a couple fellas. Jack tells Betty (offscreen) that a practical joker put up the sign. When he hears she's undressed and in bed, he says, "Well, how about me coming over there right now?" She hangs up.
Someone knocks and they get their hopes up. Mr. Roper announces himself. Janet calls him a fink and doesn't want Jack to let him in. Jack says, "I'm gonna let him in and then let him have it." He opens the door.
Jack and Stanley say in sync, "I hope you're happy! Do you know what you did?" Then Jack says, "You spoiled our party," as Stanley simultaneously says, "My wife left me."
Stanley says it's their fault, for filling Helen's head with "all those ideas." He asks, "Why would she leave a man like me if she wasn't crazy?" Then he says, "Let her stay away." It'll be a vacation for him. He can do what he likes.
He's about to leave but then he says he feels hungry. Helen didn't make him dinner before she left. He helps himself to the party food. The trio look on in disbelief.
Foofoo: Time passes. Everyone's in a different outfit, and we're in the kitchens. Robin is cooking in his naughty apron, as Chrissy and Larry sit at the table. Jack is sampling the dish he's making, as Amer-Chrissy sits at the table.
Janet enters the kitchen, having finished answering Mrs. Roper's letter. Brit-Chrissy is writing to Mrs. Roper, telling her that "we're well and Mr. Roper's well." Robin says, "You could mention that we're thinking of leaving him, too."
Robin also says Brit-Chrissy has been encouraging Mr. Roper by saying hello.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says Mrs. Roper says she's coming back when pigs grow wings. Annoyed, Robin says, "That could be weeks." This ends up as a spacy Amer-Chrissy line and gets applause.
Robin says Mr. Roper was whining, sighing, and groaning last night. Brit-Chrissy says, "Perhaps we should've let him in." Robin says they let him in Wednesday and he left Thursday. He does a good imitation of Mr. Roper telling a war story.
Robin calls Mr. Roper such a bore. Larry points out that Mr. Roper hasn't shaved in a week. Robin says he's a hairy bore.
Brit-Chrissy wonders where the envelopes are. Robin says they're in Foofoo the Frog, Jo's pyjama case. Jo doesn't wear pyjamas, which is why she keeps her envelopes in there. Chrissy says, "Of course." Clearly, this was meant to be a quirky Jo explanation that they ended up giving to Robin.
Robin says that the last time Mr. Roper came round, he had a knife and fork sticking out of his breast pocket.
After Amer-Chrissy goes into the living room, Jack says Mr. Roper is up here all the time. Janet is going to mail the letter, so he follows her into the living room. He says he doesn't want Roper mooching off more meals from them. Janet says that Jack was the one who invited him up here last time. Jack says he had to, since Mr. Roper was standing there with a knife and fork sticking out of his shirt pocket.
In an unusually sensitive moment, Larry says that Mr. Roper comes up here because he's sort of lost. Robin says, "He thinks this is his flat?"
Mr. Roper knocks and calls to them. Robin nicknames him the lonely vagabond. Without knocking, Stanley calls, "Anybody home?"
Robin and Brit-Larry hide behind the settee. Jack and Amer-Chrissy hide behind the sofa.
Brit-Chrissy answers the door. George is unshaven with messy hair. His shirt is untucked, with the bottom button undone.
Stanley lets himself in. He says, "Did somebody say, 'Come in'?" His hair is rumpled and he's wearing a bathrobe over his clothes, but he doesn't look as bad as George.
Brit-Chrissy says she's on her way out to the post. Janet says she's going to mail a letter. They exit.
George comes in and sees Robin and Brit-Larry. Stanley steps in and sees Jack and Amer-Chrissy.
Amer-Chrissy: (whispering) Is he gone yet?
Stanley: (whispering) No.
Robin/Jack claims that they were looking for his sock, which rolled away. It was in a ball.
George/Stanley says he thought they might like some company. Robin says they've got plenty of company. "Somebody has been up here every night of the week. You." Jack says that's nice but they're very busy.
George/Stanley follows Robin/Jack into the kitchen and says that the dish Robin/Jack is cooking smells good. Robin/Jack says there's only enough for three.
George says he's not looking for charity. Robin says, "You've come to the right place. We haven't got any."
George says he has bread & scrape, eggs, and a bit of cocoa. Robin says George can make a cocoa omelet. Stanley has peanut butter, bread, and a knife.
George burns his tongue sampling Robin's dish.
Brit-Larry comes in and says he couldn't find Robin's sock.
Larry: I brought you a glass of vino instead.
Robin: I won't be able to put my foot in it, but thanks anyway.
George: I haven't had a glass of wine in a long time.
Robin: Well, keep up the the good work.
George takes awhile to leave. Robin tells him to enjoy the cocoa omelet.
Stanley again tells Jack that the food smells good. Leaning close, Jack says, "So do you. What are you wearing?" The audience applauds. Stanley backs away and says he has to go. Jack says, "So soon?"
As Amer-Chrissy comes in, Jack seasons the dish, and Mr. Roper sneaks a chicken leg into his robe. After he leaves, Chrissy says, amused, "Mr. Roper's starting a new takeout business....I've heard of chicken in a bucket, but I've never seen chicken in a pocket." Jack is confused.
Missing her: Brit-Chrissy returns as George comes downstairs. Stanley comes downstairs, eating chicken, which he hides in his robe pocket again when he sees Janet. Stanley asks Janet if she mailed her letter OK, and she tells him how easy it was.
George invites Brit-Chrissy in for a chat. Stanley wants to talk to Janet privately. Both girls are reluctant, but they give in because they feel sorry for Mr. Roper.
The flat and apartment are very messy, with newspapers everywhere. George says the flat needs a woman's touch, and Mildred did keep the place tidy. Stanley says Helen really used to keep the apartment neat.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says that George/Stanley misses his wife. He denies it but says the bird does. (On 3'sC, there's a close-up of the parakeet, which chirps.) George/Stanley hears the bird at night, laying awake, missing Mrs. Roper. Stanley adds the detail that the bird tosses and turns.
Brit-Chrissy: I expect he's quite fond of her, really.
George: He didn't realise till she was gone how fond of her he was.
Janet: He likes her, huh?
Stanley: Now that she's gone, he realizes how much he likes her.
Brit-Chrissy: He could telephone her, ask her to come back.
George: No, I don't let him use the phone.
Chrissy: But you could phone, if only for his sake.
George: No, if I did that, she'd think it was me, and she hates me.
Chrissy: Oh, she doesn't hate you. She may be a bit bored with you, a bit fed up. She may even dislike you a bit, or even a lot.
George: You keep going, you'll work your way back to hate.
Janet: How about a telephone call, asking her to come back?
Stanley: I don't let him use the phone.
Janet: Well, uh, you could call her. You know, for his sake.
George: I mean, be honest. If you were Mildred, would you come back to me?
Brit-Chrissy: Well, not the way you look at the moment. But if you smartened yourself up, had a shave. Have you got a clean shirt?
George: You'd come back then?
Chrissy: I wouldn't, but she might.
He asks if he's let himself go a bit. She nods.
Stanley: Janet, tell me something. If you were Helen, would you come back to me?
Janet: No. Well, uh, I mean, not the way you're looking now. (stroking his hair) But, um, if you combed your hair, you know. (stroking his back) And, uh, you got all dressed up.
Stanley: Then you'd come back?
Janet: I wouldn't. Uh, but she might. Sure, she might.
He smooths his hair and looks hopeful.
Einstein: Upstairs in the kids' flat later, Larry sits at the kitchen table. Robin, annoyed, says the meal is piping hot, but where is she? "Gallivanting to the post box." Larry tells him not to get his pinny (apron) in a twist. Robin exclaims, "My father was right! They don't deserve good food!"
Brit-Chrissy comes in and says she's just been speaking to Mr. Roper. Robin says, "What? Alone, unaided? Sit down, I'll get you a brandy."
As Robin dishes up the food, Chrissy says that Mr. Roper is a proud man. She doesn't know what he's proud of, but he is. He told her he'll ask his wife to come back after she's come back, and not before.
Larry: That don't make sense.
Robin: If it doesn't make sense to Einstein here, what chance have the rest of us got?
Larry: (sarcastically) Oh, nice.
I'm guessing that this exchange, perhaps in a slightly different form, was originally for Jo and Robin.
Chrissy says they'll have to do something. Robin suggests "arsenic in his bread & scrape, or the merciful bullet." She goes to phone Mrs. Roper.
Overall: At least a week has passed, but the long-brown-haired young couple are still at (or back at) the White Swan, now playing darts. The older couple are sitting at the back of the bar. You go, British extras! (My all-time favorite sitcom-extras moment is in a Brady Bunch episode, where the same students repeatedly walk by Marcia and her boyfriend.)
George comes in with a bouquet of yellow flowers. He's shaven and nicely dressed. He goes to the bar, where a mousy middle-aged woman is sitting. Percy says, "Mr. Roper, you look quite presentable. What happened?" George orders a drink and tells Percy to have one himself. Percy says, "It is Mr. Roper, isn't it?"
George says he's off to see his wife, give her a bit of a surprise. Then he says they'd better make the drink a huge one, for him. Mildred is staying with her sister for a few days, till she learns her lesson. The flowers are for her. Percy says, "Oh my. And I'd thought I clicked."
George will have a quick couple of these drinks and then he's off to Purley. (That Mildred's sister lives in Purley was established on "We Shall Not Be Moved.") He won't crawl. Percy says the bus is much the best way. They both drink.
George: You're coming with me, Woman. No argument, you'll do as you're told.
Mousy woman: I beg your pardon?
He apologises.
She's the woman from the pet shop. He didn't recognise her with her clothes on, meaning she usually wears an overall. She says she's Mrs. Hollins and asks after his "little Whatshisname." George is embarrassed, till she remembers the name, Oscar. George says Oscar is all right, a bit lonely this time of year. She says, "Aren't we all?"
He says, "Another Scotch, Percy." Then he offers to buy her a drink. She asks for a large Snowball, which is a cocktail. She's played by Hilda Braid, who would go on to do 210 episodes of Eastenders in her 70s.
Smock: Things go differently on 3'sC, in part because they're not using the Regal Beagle set this week. After Janet's pep talk, the scene fades and then reopens on the Ropers' living room. Stanley enters from his bedroom. His hair is combed and he's wearing plaid pants, a pink leisure-suity jacket, a wide-lapeled brown shirt, and a white undershirt. The audience laughs, whistles, and oohs.
The bird whistles, too. Stanley smiles and goes over to it. He says, "I look good, huh?" He says he's going to bring Helen back from her sister's. She'll come out and say, "Oh, Stanley!" He continues, "And I'm gonna say, 'Helen, I love you.' " He surprises himself, then says, "Yeah, what the hell. 'Helen, I love you.' I'm gonna go to the door," he opens his actual door, "and I'm gonna say, 'You're coming with me, Woman.' "
On the other side of the door is a middle-aged woman with blonde curly hair. She's holding a little paper bag. He recognizes her from the pet shop, Mrs. Hollins. He says he didn't recognize her at first with her clothes on. "I mean, I usually see you in that smock."
Diana Herbert debuted at 17 in Margie (1946) and is still working to this day, although now it tends to be as aunts and grandmothers. Her Mrs. Hollins is more attractive than Hilda Braid's, but I think this is deliberate.
Mrs. Hollins says, "You left this behind at the shop. It's the vitamins for your parakeet." She asks after the parakeet and Stanley says, "I'm lonely. I mean, he's lonely." She wants to look at the poor little thing, so they go over to the cage.
Gurgling: Upstairs in the flat, Mildred is in the armchair, while Chrissy serves her tea. Robin and Larry are on the settee. At the Amer-trio's apartment, the women are sitting on the couch, while Jack leans over them. Helen says she was so happy when they called.
On the subject of Mr. Roper missing his wife, Robin says that at night they hear gurgling sounds from downstairs. Larry says, "Nah, that's the lavatory." On 3'sC, these lines surprisingly go to Janet (with "gurgling sobs") and Helen (with "the toilet"). Robin/Janet says that the gurgling was from Mr. Roper, who's not the man he used to be. Mildred/Helen says, "He never was."
Brit-Chrissy: Mrs. Roper, he said to me, the only one I've ever loved has left me.
Mildred: Oho, has his budgie escaped then?
She's skeptical and wants to know his exact words.
Chrissy: "I miss the old bag."
Mildred: That sounds like him.
Larry says, "He did say he missed you." Robin says she must've missed Mr. Roper a bit. She says she's used to him, like a toothache.
Robin: Imagine life without him. I mean, never to see him. I grant you, it sounds attractive.
Larry: It certainly does.
Chrissy: Only to us, not necessarily to Mrs. Roper.
In America, this is all shortened to Chrissy saying, "The important thing is that he misses you."
Mildred/Helen says maybe she a was a bit hasty. Brit-Chrissy says, "Don't upset yourself. He's not worth it. Well, yes, he is worth it." The men agree. On 3'sC, Helen wonders if Stanley is worth it. Jack says, "Of course he is."
Mildred: No, he's not, but he's all I've got.
Helen: No, he's not, but he's mine.
Mildred says they've talked her into it. She stands up, looking determined.
Love means...: Downstairs, Stanley is pacing. George is talking to Oscar. He says, "They'd never let me see her. The sister, the husband, the goldfish. They do not like me." Although, based on previous mentions, he's probably right about his in-laws, he's clearly drunk at the moment. He pours himself another drink. He again says, "They'd never let me see her."
Mildred/Helen enters. Not seeing her, George says he's come home to Oscar, "me only friend." Moved, Mildred says, "He's not your only friend, George." They call each other's names a few times. She goes to him.
Mildred/Helen doesn't want her husband to say anything, just listen. Mildred says, "You can't help being the way you are." Perhaps she could've tried harder to understand.
Mildred: When two people love each other, George, does it really matter whether they like each other? You know, I mean all the time? I mean, isn't that what love is all about?
Helen: If two people love each other, does it matter whether they like each other? I mean, I mean, all the time. Isn't that what love is all about?
And then, Brit-Mrs.-Hollins enters from the bedroom, with a cigarette. She's not wearing a blouse, so we see her bra! She says, "Make mine a large one, Dear." Then she sees Mildred and is startled. Mildred is understandably outraged.
Brit-Larry and Robin are listening outside the door, as Chrissy sits on the stairs. Larry is smoking. We hear Mildred demand, "How dare you bring another woman into my house?" Mrs. Hollins says something about his little budgie. Then plates break. Not for the first time, Mildred calls George a dirty little devil. Robin thinks things are back to normal. Chrissy says, "Definitely back to normal."
And the episode ends there!
On 3'sC, Mrs. Hollins comes in from the kitchen, fully dressed, saying, "Here we are, nothing like some vitamins to pep a fellow up."
Helen: (confused rather than jealous) Oh, I didn't know you had company.
Stanley: Helen, I can explain.
Mrs. Hollins: I'm Mrs. Hollins. I just came over to see his little friend.
Helen blinks, speechless. As Stanley pushes Mrs. Hollins out, he says, "It's not what you think."
Mrs. Hollins: (exiting) Nice meeting you.
Helen: Likewise.
Stanley: Helen, before you lose your temper, you gotta believe me, nothing happened!
Helen: I know.
Stanley: You don't know! I'm a man! I'm capable!
Helen: Given time.
Stanley: You caught me with another woman. You should be shocked! And upset!
Helen: OK, so I'm shocked and upset.
Stanley: That's better.
Helen says she didn't come back home to fight with him. She came back to forgive and forget. He smiles and thanks her. He says, "I'm glad you came back." He hesitantly kisses her. The audience applauds.
She smiles and says, "Thank you, Stanley." She says the best part of a fight is the making up. She tells him, "Come on, Lover." He says, "I knew there was a catch to it." She takes his hand and leads him to the bedroom. We see his hand grab the doorframe, but she keeps pulling until his hand lets go.
Bride and bribery: In the American tag, everyone is sitting on or by the couch, the trio grinning, as Mrs. Roper talks about her husband. She says, "These last few days have been fantastic! Stanley's been so attentive and so loving and so romantic! I feel like a bride on her honeymoon!" No one points out that she spent her honeymoon playing Monopoly.
Janet says this is wonderful, and Chrissy says, "I'm happy for you."
Helen says she got Stanley to let them have their party. Jack asks how. It was bribery: a night off. The trio are amused.
And the episode ends.
Commentary: We don't know exactly what happens with the British versions of Mr. Roper and Mrs. Hollins, but it at least involves her taking off her blouse. I think they deliberately made her mousy in order to add to the shock factor. It's unclear if she's married, widowed, or divorced, but he of course is married. True, his wife has left him, but he was supposed to be going to collect her from her sister's, whether or not the in-laws dislike him.
We can be pretty sure that the American Mr. Roper did nothing but look at his bird with Mrs. Hollins, and, no, "bird" is not a euphemism here. Stanley is capable, but he seems genuinely less interested in sex and romance than George is. While Helen glows with his attentions, he is clearly reluctant to go in the bedroom with her, and he's later happy to have a night off. George, if you get him liquored up enough, can be rather amorous.
The borderline adultery aside, the British episode is better, mostly because of the humour, like the absurdism of the dancing sandwiches and the Spanish fighting sausage. Even Robin's line about putting his foot in a glass of wine is whimsical. I also like the turn of phrase "the merciful bullet." The Robin-as-annoyed-housewife bit is cute. And I like how many funny lines Percy gets. Jim the bartender never gets to be funny.
When Janet says that this is the first party they've had in over a year, she's apparently not counting the party on "Three's Christmas," perhaps because no one showed up at that one. It was slightly less than a year ago. The party previous to that was the one on "Strange Bedfellows," but Janet and Amer-Chrissy weren't there, as it was a party Jack threw while they were out of town. The party with the 75 coats must've been in between episodes.
As for the Brits, the last party we saw them throw was on "While the Cat's Away," back in January 1974. It did seem like a wild enough party for Mr. Roper to forbid them having another, although I don't think there were 75 people. It's likely that they, too, had a party in between episodes.
George makes another of his comments about the middle class, this time about how they took up hooliganism, presumably in the 1960s.
A "berk" is not exactly equivalent to a "jerk," since it's Cockney rhyming slang for "cunt," from "Berkeley hunt." But there's no comparable American term, and the change of one letter works.
There's another suggestion that Mildred masturbates, since she's holding five phallic symbols when she complains that George doesn't worship her body enough. This episode continues Mildred's half-joking suspicion that her husband loves the budgie more than he loves her.
Jack is more cooperative with Mrs. Roper's advances than Robin is, but then Helen is less aggressive than Mildred sometimes is towards Robin.
The British episode has another example of Chrissy being too innocent to get something, like Mr. Roper's curly hair on the "wig" episode, this time her not realising the noisy activity Larry's thinking of. I like that Larry and Chrissy get some moments together on their own, and seem to be getting along, an unexpected benefit to the Jo-less-ness.
The scenes between Brit-Chrissy & George and Janet & Stanley are sweet, particularly the way Chrissy keeps putting her foot in her mouth, as she later does with Mrs. Roper.
It's cool that all the celebrities mentioned on MatH are ones that Americans (at least in the '70s) would be familiar with, no need for me to resort to Wikipedia this time. The Bay City Rollers feel too teenybopper for Larry's taste, but who knows.
A quick note on the new closing credits for MatH. They've added pictures of keychains for the trio. Robin's says, "MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR," suggesting that his view of free love is a carryover from the '60s. Chrissy's is the letter C and a red heart. Jo has the letter J and a picture of a blond man holding an animal. The keychains are all together at the end, and Robin and Chrissy get theirs individually, but Sally Thomsett's name is omitted here. We'll see what happens next week....
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
For the Birds
The conversion of MatH32 into 3'sC30 by Nicholl, Ross & West is pretty straightforward, although as always with some interesting variations. "Come Fly with Me" aired on 9 October 1975, the week after "How Does Your Garden Grow?", while "Bird Song" aired May 9, 1978, earning #2 in the ratings. (As noted earlier, the "Loni Anderson" episode topped it the next week.)
Vegas: MatH shows the Ropers' budgie as the episode's title appears on the screen, ala the plants with "How Does Your Garden Grow?" Then we cut to Robin playing cards with Larry. Jack and Amer-Larry are also playing cards. This time it's blackjack rather than poker. The Larrys narrate the game, set in Las Vegas, and interestingly Brit-Larry gives Robin the nickname "Diamond Jack," which of course carries over to the U.S.
Robin/Jack goes bust.
Brit-Larry: Talking of busts, how are you making out with the blonde bird at the college?
Amer-Larry: Speaking of busts, how's it going with the blonde in your cooking class?
In the UK, it's "that Swedish bit, Inga," while in the U.S. it's the more respectful "Inga the Swedish girl." Upon hearing that the blonde is Swedish, the Larrys point out that in Sweden even the sandwiches are topless.
The Larrys ask if Inga speaks English. (How on earth would she be attending college in England/America if she couldn't?) Robin says he doesn't know, since the only word he's heard her use is no.
Brit-Larry: If you can't make it with a Swedish bird, you may as well trade it in.
Amer-Larry: If you can't score with a Swedish chick, you might as well turn in your badge.
Robin/Jack says she won't even go out with him.
The Larrys say that Swedish girls like to round off the evening by saying thank you in the nicest possible way. Robin does a good imitation of Brit-Larry saying, "Oh yeah, it's a well-known fact, innit?"
Brit-Larry says, "She ain't gonna round off the evening proper on a Wimpy and chips, is she?" ( http://www.wimpy.uk.com/menu.asp?id=22&mm=1 ) Amer-Larry says Jack has to wine and dine her. A beautiful fox like that isn't going to say thank you for an Egg McMuffin and fries. (Did any McDonald's back then serve breakfast items at the same time as lunch/dinner items? I remember it as being rare until the last few years.)
Brit-Chrissy/Janet comes home. Jack greets Janet with "Hey, Babe." Brit-Chrissy says they were playing cards when she left for work.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says Robin/Jack shouldn't play cards with the Larrys, who are much better cheats. The Larrys resent the remark, and since they're two quid/$3 ahead, they'll leave. Brit-Chrissy/Janet says, "Don't forget your marked cards."
Brit-Larry: (to Robin) I'll buy you a pint later.
Amer-Larry: (to Jack, with "gun" fingers) See you at the Regal Beagle later.
Robin says he's had a very bad morning, and Brit-Chrissy is the only one he can turn to. Jack hugs Janet from behind, then flips her forward, holding her close. He had a lousy morning, and she's the only one he can turn to.
Brit-Chrissy: I've been stuck in a stuffy office all morning and you're asking me for sympathy?
Janet: I've been dealing with maniac customers all morning. Don't come to me for sympathy.
Robin says he doesn't want sympathy, "just a bit of the other." Jack says, "I don't want sympathy. I want affection!", and pulls Janet even closer.
Brit-Chrissy politely says, "Not today, thank you." Since Jack is more aggressive, Janet pushes him into a crouching position and says, "Down boy." She moves away.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet goes in the kitchen and Robin/Jack follows, Jack sticking his tongue out like a dog and waddling behind her. Janet pulls Jack back to his feet when she notices.
Robin/Jack says Brit-Chrissy/Janet gave up her Saturday morning for her boss.
Robin: What I want would only take ten minutes.
Brit-Chrissy: No, it wouldn't. I'm very passionate.
Jack: (with his hand on Janet's shoulder) What I'm after won't take that long.
Janet: Yes, it will, I'm very passionate.
Janet has been peeling a banana, so she sticks part of the banana in Jack's mouth.
Jo/Amer-Chrissy comes in, dressed for bed. She tells Brit-Chrissy/Janet, "You're going to be late for work." Brit-Chrissy/Janet says she's been to work and come back.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says she'd willingly trade places with Jo/Amer-Chrissy.
Jo: Ah, but you don't get a bonus while you're in bed.
Robin: You would've done if you hadn't locked the door.
Amer-Chrissy: You don't get a bonus when you're lying in bed, you know.
Jack: Not when you lock the bedroom door.
Janet's bonus is for working late every night this week and coming in Saturday morning. Brit-Chrissy's is presumably just for this morning.
The boss gave Brit-Chrissy/Janet two tickets for a Frank Sinatra concert, Janet calling the tickets lousy (not because they're for bad seats but because it's Frank Sinatra). The flat/roommates are surprised.
The 3'sC scene continues, but MatH visits the Ropers, so we'll skip ahead to the parallel scene.
Pretty boys: Mildred is in her yellow blouse and banana trousers. George is talking to the budgie, Oscar. (What happened to it being named Arthur? Or was that only in the movie?) Stanley is smiling at the nameless parakeet, whom he calls a pretty little boy. George/Stanley tells the budgie/parakeet that today it'll be getting nice new sand to do its little whoopsies on. Stanley once again tries to get the parakeet to say his name.
Mildred/Helen whistles like a bird. She says it's the only way to get his attention. She'd sprout feathers if she could. George/Stanley says the bird gets lonely. She says she gets lonely, too.
She wants him to talk to her the way he talks to the bird.
George: Who's a pretty boy then?
Stanley: You're a pretty little boy, aren't you?
The American audience applauds.
George tells Mildred, "We're married. There's not a lot to say." Mildred/Helen asks if George/Stanley knows what tomorrow is. He guesses Sunday. What else?
She hints that it only happens once a year. Stanley gasps with wide eyes. Scared, he says, "You don't mean?" George just looks a bit nervous. Mildred/Helen says, "No, not that." Stanley looks relieved.
Mildred says it's a very important day, so George guesses Oscar's birthday.
And again, MatH splits a scene, so we'll pick up where we left off on 3'sC.
Grandad: Someone gave the boss the tickets but he can't go, so he gave them to Brit-Chrissy/Janet. In Janet's case, they're in an envelope hanging from a ribbon, sort of like a necklace. She wears the envelope for most of the episode.
The tickets are for tomorrow night. In England, they're for the Albert Hall. In America, they're at an unspecified venue, front row.
Robin says this isn't a Wimpy and chips. Jack says Frank Sinatra is no Egg McMuffin.
Frank Sinatra does absolutely nothing for Brit-Chrissy/Janet.
Robin: He must do. You're a fully paid-up member of the female sex. It says so on your application form. You've got to like him.
Chrissy: He's a grandad!
Jo: You'll be a grandad one day.
Janet is kind of into Stevie Wonder herself.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet has to wash her hair tomorrow night. (See, it's not daily.)
Robin/Jack wants both tickets, while Jo/Amer-Chrissy thinks it should be one each.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet realizes she's in the catbird seat. She says she'd like a cup of tea/coffee. The flat/roommates scramble to get her a cup, Jack telling Amer-Chrissy, "My department I believe." Then Brit-Chrissy/Janet wants a biscuit/cookie.
Jack: (to Amer-Chrissy) Keep your hands off my cookies!
Robin: (to Jo) Get your hands off my ginger nuts!
(This would be funnier if he was a redhead.)
MatH ends the scene here, although 3'sC continues.
Make the bed: We switch to the British girls' bedroom, where Jo offers to make Chrissy's bed. Still in the kitchen, Amer-Chrissy offers to make Janet's bed. Brit-Chrissy/Janet says she already made her bed. Amer-Chrissy/Jo offers to mess it up and make it for her again.
Brit-Chrissy tells Jo to relax. She'll give them a ticket each but she might as well string Robin along for awhile. He comes in with the tea. Chrissy makes him stir it. The girls smile.
Jack puts one of Janet's feet up on an empty kitchen chair, so Amer-Chrissy does the other foot, putting Janet into painful splits. Janet scoots the chairs closer.
Jack hands Janet the coffee, just the way she likes it, strong with one sugar. Amer-Chrissy and Jack fight over who will stir the coffee. Chrissy feeds Janet the cookie. Jack rubs Janet's shoulders. Chrissy pushes Jack over and rubs one shoulder.
In a Southern-belle accent, Janet says, "My, my, my, this is gonna be a wonderful day."
Anniversary: Back at the Ropers', George guesses tomorrow is Battle of Britain Day. Stanley guesses VJ Day. Even when Mildred/Helen tells her husband that it's their wedding anniversary, he still doesn't immediately understand. Then he says he meant to tie a knot in something to remind him. She says she'd have given him a hand.
Dumplings: There's a scene in the Brit-trio's kitchen that doesn't have an exact American equivalent. Jo is now dressed for the day. Robin offers Chrissy more of whatever he cooked. She says it had too much salt and the potatoes were underdone. As for the dumplings--
Robin: Nobody knocks my dumplings.
Chrissy: I was gonna say they were quite nice.
Jo wants Robin to buy her a drink at the pub.
Robin: Don't you start. You've got nothing I want.
Jo: Oh, thank you.
Robin: That you're likely to give me.
Chrissy suggests he buy them both a drink, which he agrees to.
Before they leave, Chrissy tucks the tickets under the sugar bowl on the table.
Flogged and scalped: 3'sC just hops to the Regal Beagle, although the scene starts with a black couple walking in, before the camera moves over to show Chrissy, Jack, Janet, and Larry, in that order, sitting at the usual table. (As a kid, I noticed a lot of black extras on 3'sC, like in party scenes. They never seemed to have any blacks with speaking roles, at least in the early days.)
Jack says, "By the way, Janet, what did you think about that fabulous dinner I cooked especially for you?" Like Brit-Chrissy, she thinks there was too much salt. He has to accept this because he wants the tickets. He goes to get her another drink.
Amer-Chrissy immediately steals Jack's seat. Then she feeds Janet a peanut.
On MatH, Brit-Chrissy sits at a table with Larry, as Robin and Jo order at the bar.
The Larrys suggest Brit-Chrissy/Janet give the tickets to him and he'll flog/scalp them for 20 quid/ 50 bucks. Amer-Larry says he usually doesn't like people knowing what a soft-hearted guy he is. The Larrys tell a sad story about a little old lady who sells bootlaces/pencils, down by the station/pier. Given the different climate, Amer-Larry leaves out the part about her being out in the rain and the snow, to eke out her pitiful widow's pension. Calling the Larrys "Young Master," she said that her greatest desire/ one remaining wish before she dies is to see Frank Sinatra.
Brit-Chrissy and Janet are skeptical, but Amer-Chrissy seems to believe Larry. Both Chrissys say, "And you'd give her the tickets?", but Brit-Chrissy's delivery is drier of course. Brit-Larry says, "No, I'd flog the tickets to her for 20 quid." It's Janet who says, "No, Chrissy, he'd sell them to her for 50 bucks." Amer-Larry calls Janet hard.
Robin and Jo come over with drinks. Jack returns with Janet's beer. Robin/Jack says he's invested a lot of crawling in the tickets. Jack makes Chrissy move out of his seat.
Brit-Chrissy is offended by the word "crawling." She asks, "What kind of a girl do you think I am?" Robin says she's sweet, kind, and intelligent. Brit-Larry adds warm-hearted and generous.
Robin: Beautiful.
Larry: Radiantly beautiful.
Robin: Incredibly, radiantly beautiful.
Chrissy wants to hear it again, this time with more sincerity. Jo says they're exaggerating. Chrissy says, "No, they're not, but as soon as they start to, I'll stop them."
George/Stanley comes in with a shoebox, as Jack calls Janet "Honey." Stanley sits in Jack's chair, so Jack accidentally ends up in his lap before getting back to his feet.
George asks if they mind he joins them. Brit-Larry says, "Not at all," then invites Jo to play darts. Since Stanley sits down without being invited, Amer-Larry less obviously avoids Mr. Roper, but Amer-Larry invites Amer-Chrissy to play darts, adding, "Don't forget your money." Jack then moves to Larry's chair.
George/Stanley says, "Guess what I've got in the shoebox."
Brit-Chrissy: (to Robin) Try shoes.
Robin: No, no, if they were shoes, he wouldn't bother to ask us."
George gives them the clue that the item has feathers, so Chrissy guesses a duck-billed plimsoll (rubber-soled cloth shoe).
Meanwhile, Jack covers his eyes and says, "Wait, don't tell me. Is it bigger than a breadbox?"
George/Stanley got Mildred/Helen a budgie/parakeet for their anniversary tomorrow. When the kids point out that the Ropers already have a bird, George/Stanley says this is a hen.
George: What I've got at home is a co--
Robin: Boy budgie?
Stanley: What I've got at home is a, a, a--
Jack: Boy parakeet?
George/Stanley figures that as long as he has to buy a present for Mildred/Helen, the bird might as well benefit, too.
Brit-Chrissy: Wouldn't a box of chocolates be better?
George: No, no, he doesn't like chocolates. I thought I might try breeding with her you see.
Robin: (to Chrissy) That's a lot better than a box of chocolates, isn't it?
They both laugh. Then George says there's money in breeding budgies.
Janet: Don't you think flowers or candy would be better?
Stanley: Nah, I thought I might try mating with her.
Jack: (to Janet) Mrs. Roper should like that.
Stanley says it'll be a surprise. Janet says, "I'm sure it will be." She and Jack are trying not to laugh.
George/Stanley wants the kids to keep the bird upstairs until tomorrow. Stanley says, "Thanks a lot. You're a very sweet kid, Janet." She tries to protest, but he leaves.
On MatH, Brit-Larry notices that George drank all of his drink. George smiles sheepishly.
Sandpaper: In the next British scene, the trio come home, talking about the care of budgies. Robin, meaning the cage, says you put a little sandpaper on the bottom. Jo, as she unlocks the door says, "Oh, sounds painful."
Janet and Jack are still at the pub. She says she doesn't know anything about parakeets. He recommends food, water, and a little sandpaper on the bottom. She says, "Oo, that sounds painful." He says he'll take care of the bird.
Pulling at the envelope, he says, "I'd do anything for you and your lovely brown eyes." She says, "You mean for lovely Blue Eyes."
Then he sits up and begs like a dog. He whimpers. Then he licks the side of her face. She likes that and suggests he lick back behind her ear. He says, "You got it," and does so. He tries to get the tickets again, but she stops him.
Then 3'sC goes to a break, but MatH goes into the flat.
Search me: Jo thinks they should get worms and berries for the budgie. Chrissy says those are for wild birds. Jo says they can shake the shoebox before they give the worms and berries to the budgie. Chrissy sends her down to the corner shop for birdseed.
Robin is in the kichen, and Chrissy comes in. She says it seems cruel to keep a bird in the shoebox. Robin says, "What, a fully detached shoebox in a residential area?"
She notices that the tickets are gone, and he's the only one who's been in the kitchen since they went down to the pub. He wants her to search him. She says she'll believe him if he says he hasn't got the tickets, but he insists on being searched. He's in position, hands against the wall, bottom tilted provocatively.
She gives him a quick patdown. He wants more. She reaches around from behind for the front pockets of his jeans. He says, "Be careful, there's a hole in that pocket."
It turns out he hid the tickets in the breadbin for safekeeping. He just likes being searched. He assumes the position again. She spanks him. He's very surprised.
And then MatH goes to a break.
Jewels: MatH returns with another close-up of Oscar, then the camera zooms out.
George/Stanley says he has a surprise for the bird tomorow.
Mildred/Helen comes in. She's just been looking through her jewel/jewelry box, the thing she keeps the elastic/rubber bands and safety pins in.
George/Stanley says she can stop hinting. He got her an anniversary present. She's very happy but wonders what it is. Stanley says, "If I didn't tell the bird, I'm not gonna tell you."
Mildred/Helen wants a hint/clue, like the colo(u)r. George/Stanley says yellow. She says, "Like gold?" He says sort/kind of. She asks if it would go on her finger. He says it might, with a little encouragement.
Mildred calls George a generous man. Helen jumps and then claps her hands with glee. She hugs Stanley and gives him a peck on the cheek. She says, "Oh, you sweet thing!" She plans to make him a nice hot cup of cocoa.
Someone knocks/rings the doorbell. It's Jo/Amer-Chrissy, wanting to talk to Mr. Roper. Mildred calls him a lovely man, blows him a kiss, and goes to the kitchen. Helen says, "There he is! Help yourself." She calls him a generous man, and goes to the kitchen.
Amer-Chrissy says, "Mr. Roper, your wife seems so happy." He replies, "Yeah, she's not herself today."
Jo says that the shop on the corner is closed on Saturday and she needs food for the budgie. Amer-Chrissy also wants bird food. George/Stanley gives Jo/Amer-Chrissy birdseed.
Mildred/Helen returns, Helen apologizing for her manners and asking Amer-Chrissy if she would like a cup of cocoa. Mildred/Helen wonders about the birdseed. George/Stanley says the kids need food, and he puts a handful in his mouth.
Mildred says she'll find the kids something else. After she and Jo leave, George spits out the seeds. Helen looks puzzled, but Stanley says it's delicious. The boy parakeet tweets.
A bird in the hand: Upstairs, Brit-Chrissy and Robin are holding the shoebox together, as Robin looks through the airholes. Jack is the only one holding the American shoebox, and he's laughing, as Janet looks on. Robin says he can see a little beady eye staring back at him. "No, she's turned round." 3'sC avoids this saucy joke.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet wonders if the bird needs anything. Robin chirps and talks to the bird. (Well, he is named Robin.) Jack yells, "Do you need anything?" Robin/Jack pretends to listen, then says the bird wants two tickets to the Frank Sinatra concert.
Jo/Amer-Chrissy returns with half a roast chicken, since Mr. Roper ate the birdseed. Jo elaborates that he ate it because he didn't want Mrs. Roper to think she had a budgie as a present. Brit-Chrissy says, "He wanted her to think she had a budgie as a husband?"
Robin takes the budgie out of the box. The little yellow bird is very cute. Chrissy tells him to hold it gently. He says, "I always do hold birds gently. I'm known for it."
Amer-Chrissy suggests Jack take the parakeet out of the box for fresh air. He does so, but the bird bites him. Janet says, "She knows the hand of a groper when he feels it." It's pretty clear that John Ritter is just miming holding the bird and the show didn't get a live bird, like its sister show did, unlike when we did get to see a live puppy the year before. (And what happened to the tenants not being allowed to have pets in their home? Is it OK if it's to help the landlord?)
Robin tells the bird he'll give her bread crumbs, but she can't eat too many. Pointing at the roast chicken, he says, "This budgie ate too many and look what happened to him." Jack tells the bird to eat enough to get nice and fat "like your friends Janet and Chrissy." Amer-Chrissy tells the bird to bite him again.
Mildred/Helen comes in without knocking. She's brought an apple pie for afters/dessert. Robin/Jack quickly hides the bird under his jumper/jacket.
The pie is homemade and she modestly says it won't be as good as Mr. Tripp's/Jack's.
Robin fidgets and Mildred tries not to stare.
Jack laughs because the bird tickles him. Amer-Chrissy says he's laughing at a joke she told him before Mrs. Roper came in.
Helen: And he's just getting it?
Janet: He's very slow.
The bird chirps, so Jack pretends to be practicing bird calls. Uncertainly, Helen says, "Enjoy your pie." Jack whirls, laughing. Helen says to Janet, "I think he's coming down with something." Then she leaves.
Robin excuses himself to his room. Mildred asks if he's all right. Brit-Chrissy blames the weather.
Jo: Actually, I think he's got something under there he doesn't want you to see.
Mildred: Oho, silly boy!
She leaves. The exchange is characteristic of both women, Jo unable to completely lie, and Mildred still quietly lusting after Robin.
Jack puts the parakeet back in the shoebox, while Robin returns with the budgie. When Robin complains about the bird wriggling, Brit-Chrissy says, "Well, you'd wriggle if someone shoved you up their jumper." The budgie/parakeet apparently pooed inside Robin/Jack's jumper/jacket.
Breakfast in bed: The next morning at 9.30, Brit-Chrissy wakes up annoyed that her alarm clock didn't go off. She demonstrates a ring, trying to teach it. Then it goes off.
Robin comes in with a tray, covering his eyes with the other hand. Brit-Chrissy says that their goodies are well-hidden. Jack knocks before coming in.
The tray contains coffee, toast, and the Sunday paper, and it's for Brit-Chrissy/Janet. Jo/Amer Chrissy asks, "What about me?"
Robin: You make your own.
Jack: Oh, good morning to you, too.
Robin/Jack stirs the coffee, and Robin offers to butter a Marmite soldier. ( http://www.londonfoodfilmfiesta.co.uk/FILMMA~1/Marmite.htm )
Brit-Chrissy: You wouldn't by any chance be after my youthful body?
Robin: No, I wasn't, but if it would please you....
Janet says Jack is still trying to get on her good side. Jack suggestively says, "I think both sides are good."
Janet hands Jack the envelope, but when he looks inside he finds only one ticket. Brit-Chrissy gives Robin only one ticket as well. Brit-Chrissy/Janet gave the other ticket to Jo/Amer-Chrissy.
Robin takes the soldier out of Brit-Chrissy's hand. Robin/Jack takes the tray to Jo/Amer-Chrissy. The American audience claps. Interestingly, Jack gets into both girls' beds when he serves them (hey, be nice), but Robin only gets into Brit-Chrissy's. Brit-Chrissy/Janet asks, "What about me?"
Robin: You get your own.
Jack: There's plenty left in the kitchen.
Jo would like a boiled egg. Brit-Chrissy, disgusted by the turn of events rather than the egg, says, "Oh, charming." Robin says something in French that sounds like it means egg and Marmite.
Janet gets up and makes her way to the living room. She says, "Just like a man, a girl gives you what you want, and you drop her like a hot potata" (with that pronunciation).
Amer-Chrissy refuses to give Jack the ticket. He asks her if she loves her country. She says of course. He starts to tell her about a little Swedish girl.
Chrissy: How little?
Jack: Average. A little more average in some places than others.
He says that to this girl he is America. "If I break my promise, she's gonna go back to Sweden and say that Americans are liars. In Sweden, this sort of thing spreads fast. It's a very small country. Next thing you know, they'll break off relations. No more Nobel prizes, no more operations. All because you didn't give me your ticket." He starts singing "America the Beautiful."
Chrissy gives him the ticket. He says she's a great patriot. She says, "No, I just love a good lie when I hear one." She snort-laughs.
Jack exits to the living room. And someone knocks on the British front door, so Robin goes to answer it.
Don't sit there!: Jack says, "Oh, Frankie, I did it my way." Then he sings a bit of Sinatra's "That's Life." He goes to the phone and punches in the numbers. He turns the receiver into a mic. Then he says, "Hello, Inga." He invites her to the concert and, offscreen, she says yes.
Brit-Larry is here, with flowers. Before seeing who's answering, Larry says, "Morning, Gorgeous." For once, Robin doesn't make a queeny joke. The flowers are for Chrissy, from the Ropers' windowbox.
Brit-Larry sits on the shoebox. Since Amer-Larry doesn't return to the episode after going to the Regal Beagle, it's Jack who sits on the shoebox.
Robin is aghast.
Robin: Larry, you just sat on a budgie.
Larry: (standing up) No, it's a shoebox.
Robin tells him that there was a budgie inside.
Jack looks down and realizes what he's done. You can hear oh-noes from the audience. Jack is horrified. He hangs up and then says, "I'll call you later." The audience murmurs some more.
Brit-Larry says it's cruel to keep a budgie in a shoebox. Robin says it's even crueler to sit on the bloody thing. They listen to the box but they can't hear any breathing. They argue over who should look in the box.
Jack stands up. Janet enters from the kitchen. He points at the box. She puts her ear to the box but doesn't hear any breathing. They argue over who should look inside.
George knocks and lets himself in. Robin hides the box behind his back. George sees the flowers and says, "Oh, they're nice. We've got some like that in our windowbox."
He mentions his present for Mildred and Larry asks about it. (Remember, he was playing darts with Jo at the time.) Larry isn't happy to hear it's a budgie.
Robin hesitates to tell George, and then says that Larry sat on the budgie. The scene ends there.
Stanley rings the doorbell and Janet answers. He says Helen is coming up in a minute, and he wants to give her the parakeet in front of everybody. Jack says the parakeet isn't altogether well.
Stanley: What's wrong with my bird?
Janet: Jack sat on it!
Jack explains that it was accidentally.
(The way Stanley says "bird" and the audience reaction makes it sound like a double entendre. There's a similar joke in Bikini Beach from 1964, and I've never understood it there either. Just as there are words, like "boner," that have taken on new connotations, I think there are some words that have lost meanings over the last few decades.)
Typical male: We briefly switch over to the British kitchen, where the girls are leaving the bedroom, Jo carrying the tray.
Chrissy: Honestly, that's a typical male, give them what they want, and they're away.
Jo: I know, even if it's only a ticket.
Back in the lounge, George is sad. Then he looks in the shoebox and sees that it's empty. Brit-Chrissy comes in and says she let the budgie loose in the bathroom. Jo comes in and says she opened the bathroom window, and accidentally let the budgie out.
George: Oh, that's marvelous, isn't it? First you sit on it and then you sling it out the window. Why don't you flush it down the loo and be done with it?
Robin: Mr. Roper, you're overwrought. Sit down.
Larry: Yeah, pull up a budgie.
Robin tells him to shut up.
Brit-Chrissy says the budgie is definitely gone. Jo says they're very sorry.
George: Mildred gets very sentimental on our wedding anniversary. If I don't give her anything, she'll murder me.
Stanley: If I don't give Helen a present, I'll never hear the end of it.
Brit-Chrissy asks George if he'd like to go and see Frank Sinatra. He says, "What for? He doesn't sell budgies," my favorite line on the episode. She has Robin and Jo turn over their tickets. The British scene ends there.
Helen comes in and Janet looks like she's going to cry. Helen says, "I'm ready for my surprise."
Jack has her close her eyes and put her hand out. She does. He hands Mr. Roper the tickets to give to her.
Like gold: Downstairs later at the Brit-Ropers', she's in a purple pantsuit, putting on her make-up. He's polishing his shoes. She says that the tickets for Sinatra are like gold.
The scene continues in America, with Helen looking at the tickets for Sinatra and saying they're like gold. They're incidentally yellow-colored.
George says he went to a lot of trouble and expense. Helen asks, "Stanley, how did you manage to get them?" Stanley says, "It wasn't easy." The American audience applauds.
Helen wants to take Stanley downstairs so she can pick out the clothes she'll wear to the concert. Mildred/Helen says she can remember swooning over Frankie when she was a teenager. Helen dashes out. Calling after her, Stanley says, "He's not that old, is he?" He laughs and winks at the kids/audience. There's more applause. On MatH, it's just George asking, "He's not that old, is he?"
And then the shows split again.
So much for Inga: Mildred says that when Frankie sang, it was all she could do to keep her bobbysox on. And then she notices a budgie on the railing next door.
George dashes out, although she tells him they'll be late.
Upstairs, Jo is dressed for daytime. She's holding a hand of cards. She keeps telling Robin to hit her, so he keeps giving her cards.
Robin: Jo, you must have more than 21 by now.
Jo: No, I've only got 11.
Robin: Not 21 cards!
Chrissy comes in, her hair in a towel.
Jo says Sinatra would be going into his first number. Robin says Inga would be sitting beside him, melting. Chrissy says, "Inga? You mean the Swedish girl from the college?" When Robin says yes, and he asked her out several times but she always refused, Chrissy says, "She's asked me out several times and I've always refused." He's surprised and says, "She's not, is she?" Chrissy shrugs.
Jo says Mrs. Roper will be enjoying the concert. Chrissy looks out the window and says she doesn't think so.
Then there's an exterior with George up a tree, trying to get the girl budgie. Mildred is annoyed and says they're going to miss the second half as well. George has brought birdseed up to lure the budgie and he ends up spilling it all over Mildred.
And so ends the British episode.
After the Amer-Ropers leave, Janet tells Jack, "Well, Honey, I guess you're not gonna get that thank you from your girlfriend."
Chrissy comes in and says, "I almost forgot about the parakeet." It turns out that the box is empty. She says that she couldn't leave the poor little thing in there all night. She let it loose to fly around in the bathroom. In their case, the parakeet has not flown away.
Jack is so angry at Chrissy that he moves and sounds like Frankenstein. Janet tries to stop him, but he chokes Chrissy with Janet in between them.
The Bump: At the start of the American tag, Stanley is reading the newspaper. Helen comes in wearing her bobbysoxer outfit, including a letter sweater. He says he likes it, without looking up.
She answers the doorbell for Chrissy and Jack. They wish her a happy anniversary and she says, "How sweet!"
They've brought a lady parakeet. Stanley is surprised and says, "It's alive?" Helen says, "No, Stanley, they've given us a dead parakeet."
Stanley says he'll put it in the cage with the other one and they can do what comes naturally.
Helen: What's that, Stanley?
Stanley: You know.
Helen: (to Chrissy and Jack) Would you excuse us? I want Stanley to refresh my memory.
She skips and leads him into the bedroom.
Chrissy and Jack laugh and then do the Bump, saying, "Whee!" Then they exit.
And the American episode ends.
Commentary: Even before the tickets are a temptation, these episodes feature not only RCST but JJST. This isn't the only episode where Jack and Janet use terms of endearment for each other (something Amer-Chrissy doesn't do), but it is one of the more notable ones. Jack calls Janet Babe and Honey, and she calls him Honey. And the way he requests affection is a lot more physical than Robin does in that scene. Janet is right to call him a groper, in contrast to Robin, who's known for his gentleness. When Jack says both sides are good, he's flattering her about the tickets, but sounds sincere.
Robin asks his Chrissy for a bit of the other, and she turns him down just for today. Although Robin is sucking up to Brit-Chrissy at the time, he probably does think she's beautiful, if not incredibly, radiantly beautiful. And of course there's the frisking and spanking. He claims he's not after her youthful body, but if it would help....
Both Brit-Chrissy and Janet claim to be very passionate, which won't exactly discourage Robin and Jack. And we learn that Janet not only likes to blow in Jack's ear but to have him lick behind her ear.
Robin still secondarily lusts after Jo, as the exchange about earning a bonus in bed indicates, and of course this carries over for Jack and Amer-Chrissy. We don't get an equivalent of Robin saying that Jo has nothing he wants, that she's likely to give him, but both men shift their attentions to the other flat/roommate when they realize what happened to the second ticket.
It's notable that Brit-Chrissy doesn't string Jo along but almost immediately lets her in on how she's using Robin, while Janet tries to get what she can out of both roomies. Yes, the ticket-holders are unscrupulous, but it's not like they carry it too far. And they do draw the line at Larry flogging/scalping the tickets, although that would've been a good solution, if it weren't illegal.
Not much to say about the Larrys, other than once again Amer-Larry is a more minor character than his British counterpart. It would take Richard Kline till the fourth season to make his way into the opening credits. "Bird Song" is only Larry's fifth episode of what would eventually be 111. In contrast, Doug Fisher has been an integral part of MatH since series three.
I've lost track of how many times Brit-Chrissy remarks on "a typical male," usually Robin.
Since these episodes feature the budgie and parakeet so prominently, with even a promise of mating, I went back and retroactively tagged a bunch of the episodes and the movie. It's arguable that Roper's bird is more prominent on MatH than on 3'sC, since they got a live bird and the episode ends with George trying to catch the girl budgie. It's clear that both birds are outlets for affection for the husbands, with the wives jealous of the attention. It's not surprising that the British show comes closer to Mr. Roper using the word "cock," particularly considering the visual pun in the closing credits (rooster between two cats).
I'm not sure why they had Jack rather Janet be the one to give the tickets to the Ropers, but it works either way.
I'm with Brit-Chrissy and Janet on the subject of Frank Sinatra. It's nothing to do with him being a granddad, since I'd still give Paul Simon (the singer, not the senator) a tumble. Sinatra is just too Vegasy for me. But I do recognize what a huge star he was, apparently in the U.K. as well as U.S. It must've been nice for NRW not to have to swap out a 50+ British singer for someone the Americans would know about. Sinatra turned 60 the December after "Come Fly with Me" came out, and the title of the episode comes from his 1958 album.
My favorite added moment for the American episode is Jack's speech about Sweden. It is a good lie.
I like that Brit-Swedish-Inga is a lesbian for no particular reason, and Chrissy is completely casual about it. Jack will later date a girl named Inga, on the "skiing" episode, although she seems to be American-born and has no discernible foreign accent.
"Did You Ever Meet Rommel?", which aired on 30 January 1974, had the Ropers celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary. The American version of "No Children, No Dogs" was where those Ropers had their 20th anniversary, and it aired April 7, 1977. For once, the American continuity is closer, although still wrong. And of course, it feels off that Mildred/Helen was young enough to be a bobbysoxer Sinatra fan if she met George/Stanley during the war, although maybe that explains why they waited more than a decade to get married.
Vegas: MatH shows the Ropers' budgie as the episode's title appears on the screen, ala the plants with "How Does Your Garden Grow?" Then we cut to Robin playing cards with Larry. Jack and Amer-Larry are also playing cards. This time it's blackjack rather than poker. The Larrys narrate the game, set in Las Vegas, and interestingly Brit-Larry gives Robin the nickname "Diamond Jack," which of course carries over to the U.S.
Robin/Jack goes bust.
Brit-Larry: Talking of busts, how are you making out with the blonde bird at the college?
Amer-Larry: Speaking of busts, how's it going with the blonde in your cooking class?
In the UK, it's "that Swedish bit, Inga," while in the U.S. it's the more respectful "Inga the Swedish girl." Upon hearing that the blonde is Swedish, the Larrys point out that in Sweden even the sandwiches are topless.
The Larrys ask if Inga speaks English. (How on earth would she be attending college in England/America if she couldn't?) Robin says he doesn't know, since the only word he's heard her use is no.
Brit-Larry: If you can't make it with a Swedish bird, you may as well trade it in.
Amer-Larry: If you can't score with a Swedish chick, you might as well turn in your badge.
Robin/Jack says she won't even go out with him.
The Larrys say that Swedish girls like to round off the evening by saying thank you in the nicest possible way. Robin does a good imitation of Brit-Larry saying, "Oh yeah, it's a well-known fact, innit?"
Brit-Larry says, "She ain't gonna round off the evening proper on a Wimpy and chips, is she?" ( http://www.wimpy.uk.com/menu.asp?id=22&mm=1 ) Amer-Larry says Jack has to wine and dine her. A beautiful fox like that isn't going to say thank you for an Egg McMuffin and fries. (Did any McDonald's back then serve breakfast items at the same time as lunch/dinner items? I remember it as being rare until the last few years.)
Brit-Chrissy/Janet comes home. Jack greets Janet with "Hey, Babe." Brit-Chrissy says they were playing cards when she left for work.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says Robin/Jack shouldn't play cards with the Larrys, who are much better cheats. The Larrys resent the remark, and since they're two quid/$3 ahead, they'll leave. Brit-Chrissy/Janet says, "Don't forget your marked cards."
Brit-Larry: (to Robin) I'll buy you a pint later.
Amer-Larry: (to Jack, with "gun" fingers) See you at the Regal Beagle later.
Robin says he's had a very bad morning, and Brit-Chrissy is the only one he can turn to. Jack hugs Janet from behind, then flips her forward, holding her close. He had a lousy morning, and she's the only one he can turn to.
Brit-Chrissy: I've been stuck in a stuffy office all morning and you're asking me for sympathy?
Janet: I've been dealing with maniac customers all morning. Don't come to me for sympathy.
Robin says he doesn't want sympathy, "just a bit of the other." Jack says, "I don't want sympathy. I want affection!", and pulls Janet even closer.
Brit-Chrissy politely says, "Not today, thank you." Since Jack is more aggressive, Janet pushes him into a crouching position and says, "Down boy." She moves away.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet goes in the kitchen and Robin/Jack follows, Jack sticking his tongue out like a dog and waddling behind her. Janet pulls Jack back to his feet when she notices.
Robin/Jack says Brit-Chrissy/Janet gave up her Saturday morning for her boss.
Robin: What I want would only take ten minutes.
Brit-Chrissy: No, it wouldn't. I'm very passionate.
Jack: (with his hand on Janet's shoulder) What I'm after won't take that long.
Janet: Yes, it will, I'm very passionate.
Janet has been peeling a banana, so she sticks part of the banana in Jack's mouth.
Jo/Amer-Chrissy comes in, dressed for bed. She tells Brit-Chrissy/Janet, "You're going to be late for work." Brit-Chrissy/Janet says she's been to work and come back.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet says she'd willingly trade places with Jo/Amer-Chrissy.
Jo: Ah, but you don't get a bonus while you're in bed.
Robin: You would've done if you hadn't locked the door.
Amer-Chrissy: You don't get a bonus when you're lying in bed, you know.
Jack: Not when you lock the bedroom door.
Janet's bonus is for working late every night this week and coming in Saturday morning. Brit-Chrissy's is presumably just for this morning.
The boss gave Brit-Chrissy/Janet two tickets for a Frank Sinatra concert, Janet calling the tickets lousy (not because they're for bad seats but because it's Frank Sinatra). The flat/roommates are surprised.
The 3'sC scene continues, but MatH visits the Ropers, so we'll skip ahead to the parallel scene.
Pretty boys: Mildred is in her yellow blouse and banana trousers. George is talking to the budgie, Oscar. (What happened to it being named Arthur? Or was that only in the movie?) Stanley is smiling at the nameless parakeet, whom he calls a pretty little boy. George/Stanley tells the budgie/parakeet that today it'll be getting nice new sand to do its little whoopsies on. Stanley once again tries to get the parakeet to say his name.
Mildred/Helen whistles like a bird. She says it's the only way to get his attention. She'd sprout feathers if she could. George/Stanley says the bird gets lonely. She says she gets lonely, too.
She wants him to talk to her the way he talks to the bird.
George: Who's a pretty boy then?
Stanley: You're a pretty little boy, aren't you?
The American audience applauds.
George tells Mildred, "We're married. There's not a lot to say." Mildred/Helen asks if George/Stanley knows what tomorrow is. He guesses Sunday. What else?
She hints that it only happens once a year. Stanley gasps with wide eyes. Scared, he says, "You don't mean?" George just looks a bit nervous. Mildred/Helen says, "No, not that." Stanley looks relieved.
Mildred says it's a very important day, so George guesses Oscar's birthday.
And again, MatH splits a scene, so we'll pick up where we left off on 3'sC.
Grandad: Someone gave the boss the tickets but he can't go, so he gave them to Brit-Chrissy/Janet. In Janet's case, they're in an envelope hanging from a ribbon, sort of like a necklace. She wears the envelope for most of the episode.
The tickets are for tomorrow night. In England, they're for the Albert Hall. In America, they're at an unspecified venue, front row.
Robin says this isn't a Wimpy and chips. Jack says Frank Sinatra is no Egg McMuffin.
Frank Sinatra does absolutely nothing for Brit-Chrissy/Janet.
Robin: He must do. You're a fully paid-up member of the female sex. It says so on your application form. You've got to like him.
Chrissy: He's a grandad!
Jo: You'll be a grandad one day.
Janet is kind of into Stevie Wonder herself.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet has to wash her hair tomorrow night. (See, it's not daily.)
Robin/Jack wants both tickets, while Jo/Amer-Chrissy thinks it should be one each.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet realizes she's in the catbird seat. She says she'd like a cup of tea/coffee. The flat/roommates scramble to get her a cup, Jack telling Amer-Chrissy, "My department I believe." Then Brit-Chrissy/Janet wants a biscuit/cookie.
Jack: (to Amer-Chrissy) Keep your hands off my cookies!
Robin: (to Jo) Get your hands off my ginger nuts!
(This would be funnier if he was a redhead.)
MatH ends the scene here, although 3'sC continues.
Make the bed: We switch to the British girls' bedroom, where Jo offers to make Chrissy's bed. Still in the kitchen, Amer-Chrissy offers to make Janet's bed. Brit-Chrissy/Janet says she already made her bed. Amer-Chrissy/Jo offers to mess it up and make it for her again.
Brit-Chrissy tells Jo to relax. She'll give them a ticket each but she might as well string Robin along for awhile. He comes in with the tea. Chrissy makes him stir it. The girls smile.
Jack puts one of Janet's feet up on an empty kitchen chair, so Amer-Chrissy does the other foot, putting Janet into painful splits. Janet scoots the chairs closer.
Jack hands Janet the coffee, just the way she likes it, strong with one sugar. Amer-Chrissy and Jack fight over who will stir the coffee. Chrissy feeds Janet the cookie. Jack rubs Janet's shoulders. Chrissy pushes Jack over and rubs one shoulder.
In a Southern-belle accent, Janet says, "My, my, my, this is gonna be a wonderful day."
Anniversary: Back at the Ropers', George guesses tomorrow is Battle of Britain Day. Stanley guesses VJ Day. Even when Mildred/Helen tells her husband that it's their wedding anniversary, he still doesn't immediately understand. Then he says he meant to tie a knot in something to remind him. She says she'd have given him a hand.
Dumplings: There's a scene in the Brit-trio's kitchen that doesn't have an exact American equivalent. Jo is now dressed for the day. Robin offers Chrissy more of whatever he cooked. She says it had too much salt and the potatoes were underdone. As for the dumplings--
Robin: Nobody knocks my dumplings.
Chrissy: I was gonna say they were quite nice.
Jo wants Robin to buy her a drink at the pub.
Robin: Don't you start. You've got nothing I want.
Jo: Oh, thank you.
Robin: That you're likely to give me.
Chrissy suggests he buy them both a drink, which he agrees to.
Before they leave, Chrissy tucks the tickets under the sugar bowl on the table.
Flogged and scalped: 3'sC just hops to the Regal Beagle, although the scene starts with a black couple walking in, before the camera moves over to show Chrissy, Jack, Janet, and Larry, in that order, sitting at the usual table. (As a kid, I noticed a lot of black extras on 3'sC, like in party scenes. They never seemed to have any blacks with speaking roles, at least in the early days.)
Jack says, "By the way, Janet, what did you think about that fabulous dinner I cooked especially for you?" Like Brit-Chrissy, she thinks there was too much salt. He has to accept this because he wants the tickets. He goes to get her another drink.
Amer-Chrissy immediately steals Jack's seat. Then she feeds Janet a peanut.
On MatH, Brit-Chrissy sits at a table with Larry, as Robin and Jo order at the bar.
The Larrys suggest Brit-Chrissy/Janet give the tickets to him and he'll flog/scalp them for 20 quid/ 50 bucks. Amer-Larry says he usually doesn't like people knowing what a soft-hearted guy he is. The Larrys tell a sad story about a little old lady who sells bootlaces/pencils, down by the station/pier. Given the different climate, Amer-Larry leaves out the part about her being out in the rain and the snow, to eke out her pitiful widow's pension. Calling the Larrys "Young Master," she said that her greatest desire/ one remaining wish before she dies is to see Frank Sinatra.
Brit-Chrissy and Janet are skeptical, but Amer-Chrissy seems to believe Larry. Both Chrissys say, "And you'd give her the tickets?", but Brit-Chrissy's delivery is drier of course. Brit-Larry says, "No, I'd flog the tickets to her for 20 quid." It's Janet who says, "No, Chrissy, he'd sell them to her for 50 bucks." Amer-Larry calls Janet hard.
Robin and Jo come over with drinks. Jack returns with Janet's beer. Robin/Jack says he's invested a lot of crawling in the tickets. Jack makes Chrissy move out of his seat.
Brit-Chrissy is offended by the word "crawling." She asks, "What kind of a girl do you think I am?" Robin says she's sweet, kind, and intelligent. Brit-Larry adds warm-hearted and generous.
Robin: Beautiful.
Larry: Radiantly beautiful.
Robin: Incredibly, radiantly beautiful.
Chrissy wants to hear it again, this time with more sincerity. Jo says they're exaggerating. Chrissy says, "No, they're not, but as soon as they start to, I'll stop them."
George/Stanley comes in with a shoebox, as Jack calls Janet "Honey." Stanley sits in Jack's chair, so Jack accidentally ends up in his lap before getting back to his feet.
George asks if they mind he joins them. Brit-Larry says, "Not at all," then invites Jo to play darts. Since Stanley sits down without being invited, Amer-Larry less obviously avoids Mr. Roper, but Amer-Larry invites Amer-Chrissy to play darts, adding, "Don't forget your money." Jack then moves to Larry's chair.
George/Stanley says, "Guess what I've got in the shoebox."
Brit-Chrissy: (to Robin) Try shoes.
Robin: No, no, if they were shoes, he wouldn't bother to ask us."
George gives them the clue that the item has feathers, so Chrissy guesses a duck-billed plimsoll (rubber-soled cloth shoe).
Meanwhile, Jack covers his eyes and says, "Wait, don't tell me. Is it bigger than a breadbox?"
George/Stanley got Mildred/Helen a budgie/parakeet for their anniversary tomorrow. When the kids point out that the Ropers already have a bird, George/Stanley says this is a hen.
George: What I've got at home is a co--
Robin: Boy budgie?
Stanley: What I've got at home is a, a, a--
Jack: Boy parakeet?
George/Stanley figures that as long as he has to buy a present for Mildred/Helen, the bird might as well benefit, too.
Brit-Chrissy: Wouldn't a box of chocolates be better?
George: No, no, he doesn't like chocolates. I thought I might try breeding with her you see.
Robin: (to Chrissy) That's a lot better than a box of chocolates, isn't it?
They both laugh. Then George says there's money in breeding budgies.
Janet: Don't you think flowers or candy would be better?
Stanley: Nah, I thought I might try mating with her.
Jack: (to Janet) Mrs. Roper should like that.
Stanley says it'll be a surprise. Janet says, "I'm sure it will be." She and Jack are trying not to laugh.
George/Stanley wants the kids to keep the bird upstairs until tomorrow. Stanley says, "Thanks a lot. You're a very sweet kid, Janet." She tries to protest, but he leaves.
On MatH, Brit-Larry notices that George drank all of his drink. George smiles sheepishly.
Sandpaper: In the next British scene, the trio come home, talking about the care of budgies. Robin, meaning the cage, says you put a little sandpaper on the bottom. Jo, as she unlocks the door says, "Oh, sounds painful."
Janet and Jack are still at the pub. She says she doesn't know anything about parakeets. He recommends food, water, and a little sandpaper on the bottom. She says, "Oo, that sounds painful." He says he'll take care of the bird.
Pulling at the envelope, he says, "I'd do anything for you and your lovely brown eyes." She says, "You mean for lovely Blue Eyes."
Then he sits up and begs like a dog. He whimpers. Then he licks the side of her face. She likes that and suggests he lick back behind her ear. He says, "You got it," and does so. He tries to get the tickets again, but she stops him.
Then 3'sC goes to a break, but MatH goes into the flat.
Search me: Jo thinks they should get worms and berries for the budgie. Chrissy says those are for wild birds. Jo says they can shake the shoebox before they give the worms and berries to the budgie. Chrissy sends her down to the corner shop for birdseed.
Robin is in the kichen, and Chrissy comes in. She says it seems cruel to keep a bird in the shoebox. Robin says, "What, a fully detached shoebox in a residential area?"
She notices that the tickets are gone, and he's the only one who's been in the kitchen since they went down to the pub. He wants her to search him. She says she'll believe him if he says he hasn't got the tickets, but he insists on being searched. He's in position, hands against the wall, bottom tilted provocatively.
She gives him a quick patdown. He wants more. She reaches around from behind for the front pockets of his jeans. He says, "Be careful, there's a hole in that pocket."
It turns out he hid the tickets in the breadbin for safekeeping. He just likes being searched. He assumes the position again. She spanks him. He's very surprised.
And then MatH goes to a break.
Jewels: MatH returns with another close-up of Oscar, then the camera zooms out.
George/Stanley says he has a surprise for the bird tomorow.
Mildred/Helen comes in. She's just been looking through her jewel/jewelry box, the thing she keeps the elastic/rubber bands and safety pins in.
George/Stanley says she can stop hinting. He got her an anniversary present. She's very happy but wonders what it is. Stanley says, "If I didn't tell the bird, I'm not gonna tell you."
Mildred/Helen wants a hint/clue, like the colo(u)r. George/Stanley says yellow. She says, "Like gold?" He says sort/kind of. She asks if it would go on her finger. He says it might, with a little encouragement.
Mildred calls George a generous man. Helen jumps and then claps her hands with glee. She hugs Stanley and gives him a peck on the cheek. She says, "Oh, you sweet thing!" She plans to make him a nice hot cup of cocoa.
Someone knocks/rings the doorbell. It's Jo/Amer-Chrissy, wanting to talk to Mr. Roper. Mildred calls him a lovely man, blows him a kiss, and goes to the kitchen. Helen says, "There he is! Help yourself." She calls him a generous man, and goes to the kitchen.
Amer-Chrissy says, "Mr. Roper, your wife seems so happy." He replies, "Yeah, she's not herself today."
Jo says that the shop on the corner is closed on Saturday and she needs food for the budgie. Amer-Chrissy also wants bird food. George/Stanley gives Jo/Amer-Chrissy birdseed.
Mildred/Helen returns, Helen apologizing for her manners and asking Amer-Chrissy if she would like a cup of cocoa. Mildred/Helen wonders about the birdseed. George/Stanley says the kids need food, and he puts a handful in his mouth.
Mildred says she'll find the kids something else. After she and Jo leave, George spits out the seeds. Helen looks puzzled, but Stanley says it's delicious. The boy parakeet tweets.
A bird in the hand: Upstairs, Brit-Chrissy and Robin are holding the shoebox together, as Robin looks through the airholes. Jack is the only one holding the American shoebox, and he's laughing, as Janet looks on. Robin says he can see a little beady eye staring back at him. "No, she's turned round." 3'sC avoids this saucy joke.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet wonders if the bird needs anything. Robin chirps and talks to the bird. (Well, he is named Robin.) Jack yells, "Do you need anything?" Robin/Jack pretends to listen, then says the bird wants two tickets to the Frank Sinatra concert.
Jo/Amer-Chrissy returns with half a roast chicken, since Mr. Roper ate the birdseed. Jo elaborates that he ate it because he didn't want Mrs. Roper to think she had a budgie as a present. Brit-Chrissy says, "He wanted her to think she had a budgie as a husband?"
Robin takes the budgie out of the box. The little yellow bird is very cute. Chrissy tells him to hold it gently. He says, "I always do hold birds gently. I'm known for it."
Amer-Chrissy suggests Jack take the parakeet out of the box for fresh air. He does so, but the bird bites him. Janet says, "She knows the hand of a groper when he feels it." It's pretty clear that John Ritter is just miming holding the bird and the show didn't get a live bird, like its sister show did, unlike when we did get to see a live puppy the year before. (And what happened to the tenants not being allowed to have pets in their home? Is it OK if it's to help the landlord?)
Robin tells the bird he'll give her bread crumbs, but she can't eat too many. Pointing at the roast chicken, he says, "This budgie ate too many and look what happened to him." Jack tells the bird to eat enough to get nice and fat "like your friends Janet and Chrissy." Amer-Chrissy tells the bird to bite him again.
Mildred/Helen comes in without knocking. She's brought an apple pie for afters/dessert. Robin/Jack quickly hides the bird under his jumper/jacket.
The pie is homemade and she modestly says it won't be as good as Mr. Tripp's/Jack's.
Robin fidgets and Mildred tries not to stare.
Jack laughs because the bird tickles him. Amer-Chrissy says he's laughing at a joke she told him before Mrs. Roper came in.
Helen: And he's just getting it?
Janet: He's very slow.
The bird chirps, so Jack pretends to be practicing bird calls. Uncertainly, Helen says, "Enjoy your pie." Jack whirls, laughing. Helen says to Janet, "I think he's coming down with something." Then she leaves.
Robin excuses himself to his room. Mildred asks if he's all right. Brit-Chrissy blames the weather.
Jo: Actually, I think he's got something under there he doesn't want you to see.
Mildred: Oho, silly boy!
She leaves. The exchange is characteristic of both women, Jo unable to completely lie, and Mildred still quietly lusting after Robin.
Jack puts the parakeet back in the shoebox, while Robin returns with the budgie. When Robin complains about the bird wriggling, Brit-Chrissy says, "Well, you'd wriggle if someone shoved you up their jumper." The budgie/parakeet apparently pooed inside Robin/Jack's jumper/jacket.
Breakfast in bed: The next morning at 9.30, Brit-Chrissy wakes up annoyed that her alarm clock didn't go off. She demonstrates a ring, trying to teach it. Then it goes off.
Robin comes in with a tray, covering his eyes with the other hand. Brit-Chrissy says that their goodies are well-hidden. Jack knocks before coming in.
The tray contains coffee, toast, and the Sunday paper, and it's for Brit-Chrissy/Janet. Jo/Amer Chrissy asks, "What about me?"
Robin: You make your own.
Jack: Oh, good morning to you, too.
Robin/Jack stirs the coffee, and Robin offers to butter a Marmite soldier. ( http://www.londonfoodfilmfiesta.co.uk/FILMMA~1/Marmite.htm )
Brit-Chrissy: You wouldn't by any chance be after my youthful body?
Robin: No, I wasn't, but if it would please you....
Janet says Jack is still trying to get on her good side. Jack suggestively says, "I think both sides are good."
Janet hands Jack the envelope, but when he looks inside he finds only one ticket. Brit-Chrissy gives Robin only one ticket as well. Brit-Chrissy/Janet gave the other ticket to Jo/Amer-Chrissy.
Robin takes the soldier out of Brit-Chrissy's hand. Robin/Jack takes the tray to Jo/Amer-Chrissy. The American audience claps. Interestingly, Jack gets into both girls' beds when he serves them (hey, be nice), but Robin only gets into Brit-Chrissy's. Brit-Chrissy/Janet asks, "What about me?"
Robin: You get your own.
Jack: There's plenty left in the kitchen.
Jo would like a boiled egg. Brit-Chrissy, disgusted by the turn of events rather than the egg, says, "Oh, charming." Robin says something in French that sounds like it means egg and Marmite.
Janet gets up and makes her way to the living room. She says, "Just like a man, a girl gives you what you want, and you drop her like a hot potata" (with that pronunciation).
Amer-Chrissy refuses to give Jack the ticket. He asks her if she loves her country. She says of course. He starts to tell her about a little Swedish girl.
Chrissy: How little?
Jack: Average. A little more average in some places than others.
He says that to this girl he is America. "If I break my promise, she's gonna go back to Sweden and say that Americans are liars. In Sweden, this sort of thing spreads fast. It's a very small country. Next thing you know, they'll break off relations. No more Nobel prizes, no more operations. All because you didn't give me your ticket." He starts singing "America the Beautiful."
Chrissy gives him the ticket. He says she's a great patriot. She says, "No, I just love a good lie when I hear one." She snort-laughs.
Jack exits to the living room. And someone knocks on the British front door, so Robin goes to answer it.
Don't sit there!: Jack says, "Oh, Frankie, I did it my way." Then he sings a bit of Sinatra's "That's Life." He goes to the phone and punches in the numbers. He turns the receiver into a mic. Then he says, "Hello, Inga." He invites her to the concert and, offscreen, she says yes.
Brit-Larry is here, with flowers. Before seeing who's answering, Larry says, "Morning, Gorgeous." For once, Robin doesn't make a queeny joke. The flowers are for Chrissy, from the Ropers' windowbox.
Brit-Larry sits on the shoebox. Since Amer-Larry doesn't return to the episode after going to the Regal Beagle, it's Jack who sits on the shoebox.
Robin is aghast.
Robin: Larry, you just sat on a budgie.
Larry: (standing up) No, it's a shoebox.
Robin tells him that there was a budgie inside.
Jack looks down and realizes what he's done. You can hear oh-noes from the audience. Jack is horrified. He hangs up and then says, "I'll call you later." The audience murmurs some more.
Brit-Larry says it's cruel to keep a budgie in a shoebox. Robin says it's even crueler to sit on the bloody thing. They listen to the box but they can't hear any breathing. They argue over who should look in the box.
Jack stands up. Janet enters from the kitchen. He points at the box. She puts her ear to the box but doesn't hear any breathing. They argue over who should look inside.
George knocks and lets himself in. Robin hides the box behind his back. George sees the flowers and says, "Oh, they're nice. We've got some like that in our windowbox."
He mentions his present for Mildred and Larry asks about it. (Remember, he was playing darts with Jo at the time.) Larry isn't happy to hear it's a budgie.
Robin hesitates to tell George, and then says that Larry sat on the budgie. The scene ends there.
Stanley rings the doorbell and Janet answers. He says Helen is coming up in a minute, and he wants to give her the parakeet in front of everybody. Jack says the parakeet isn't altogether well.
Stanley: What's wrong with my bird?
Janet: Jack sat on it!
Jack explains that it was accidentally.
(The way Stanley says "bird" and the audience reaction makes it sound like a double entendre. There's a similar joke in Bikini Beach from 1964, and I've never understood it there either. Just as there are words, like "boner," that have taken on new connotations, I think there are some words that have lost meanings over the last few decades.)
Typical male: We briefly switch over to the British kitchen, where the girls are leaving the bedroom, Jo carrying the tray.
Chrissy: Honestly, that's a typical male, give them what they want, and they're away.
Jo: I know, even if it's only a ticket.
Back in the lounge, George is sad. Then he looks in the shoebox and sees that it's empty. Brit-Chrissy comes in and says she let the budgie loose in the bathroom. Jo comes in and says she opened the bathroom window, and accidentally let the budgie out.
George: Oh, that's marvelous, isn't it? First you sit on it and then you sling it out the window. Why don't you flush it down the loo and be done with it?
Robin: Mr. Roper, you're overwrought. Sit down.
Larry: Yeah, pull up a budgie.
Robin tells him to shut up.
Brit-Chrissy says the budgie is definitely gone. Jo says they're very sorry.
George: Mildred gets very sentimental on our wedding anniversary. If I don't give her anything, she'll murder me.
Stanley: If I don't give Helen a present, I'll never hear the end of it.
Brit-Chrissy asks George if he'd like to go and see Frank Sinatra. He says, "What for? He doesn't sell budgies," my favorite line on the episode. She has Robin and Jo turn over their tickets. The British scene ends there.
Helen comes in and Janet looks like she's going to cry. Helen says, "I'm ready for my surprise."
Jack has her close her eyes and put her hand out. She does. He hands Mr. Roper the tickets to give to her.
Like gold: Downstairs later at the Brit-Ropers', she's in a purple pantsuit, putting on her make-up. He's polishing his shoes. She says that the tickets for Sinatra are like gold.
The scene continues in America, with Helen looking at the tickets for Sinatra and saying they're like gold. They're incidentally yellow-colored.
George says he went to a lot of trouble and expense. Helen asks, "Stanley, how did you manage to get them?" Stanley says, "It wasn't easy." The American audience applauds.
Helen wants to take Stanley downstairs so she can pick out the clothes she'll wear to the concert. Mildred/Helen says she can remember swooning over Frankie when she was a teenager. Helen dashes out. Calling after her, Stanley says, "He's not that old, is he?" He laughs and winks at the kids/audience. There's more applause. On MatH, it's just George asking, "He's not that old, is he?"
And then the shows split again.
So much for Inga: Mildred says that when Frankie sang, it was all she could do to keep her bobbysox on. And then she notices a budgie on the railing next door.
George dashes out, although she tells him they'll be late.
Upstairs, Jo is dressed for daytime. She's holding a hand of cards. She keeps telling Robin to hit her, so he keeps giving her cards.
Robin: Jo, you must have more than 21 by now.
Jo: No, I've only got 11.
Robin: Not 21 cards!
Chrissy comes in, her hair in a towel.
Jo says Sinatra would be going into his first number. Robin says Inga would be sitting beside him, melting. Chrissy says, "Inga? You mean the Swedish girl from the college?" When Robin says yes, and he asked her out several times but she always refused, Chrissy says, "She's asked me out several times and I've always refused." He's surprised and says, "She's not, is she?" Chrissy shrugs.
Jo says Mrs. Roper will be enjoying the concert. Chrissy looks out the window and says she doesn't think so.
Then there's an exterior with George up a tree, trying to get the girl budgie. Mildred is annoyed and says they're going to miss the second half as well. George has brought birdseed up to lure the budgie and he ends up spilling it all over Mildred.
And so ends the British episode.
After the Amer-Ropers leave, Janet tells Jack, "Well, Honey, I guess you're not gonna get that thank you from your girlfriend."
Chrissy comes in and says, "I almost forgot about the parakeet." It turns out that the box is empty. She says that she couldn't leave the poor little thing in there all night. She let it loose to fly around in the bathroom. In their case, the parakeet has not flown away.
Jack is so angry at Chrissy that he moves and sounds like Frankenstein. Janet tries to stop him, but he chokes Chrissy with Janet in between them.
The Bump: At the start of the American tag, Stanley is reading the newspaper. Helen comes in wearing her bobbysoxer outfit, including a letter sweater. He says he likes it, without looking up.
She answers the doorbell for Chrissy and Jack. They wish her a happy anniversary and she says, "How sweet!"
They've brought a lady parakeet. Stanley is surprised and says, "It's alive?" Helen says, "No, Stanley, they've given us a dead parakeet."
Stanley says he'll put it in the cage with the other one and they can do what comes naturally.
Helen: What's that, Stanley?
Stanley: You know.
Helen: (to Chrissy and Jack) Would you excuse us? I want Stanley to refresh my memory.
She skips and leads him into the bedroom.
Chrissy and Jack laugh and then do the Bump, saying, "Whee!" Then they exit.
And the American episode ends.
Commentary: Even before the tickets are a temptation, these episodes feature not only RCST but JJST. This isn't the only episode where Jack and Janet use terms of endearment for each other (something Amer-Chrissy doesn't do), but it is one of the more notable ones. Jack calls Janet Babe and Honey, and she calls him Honey. And the way he requests affection is a lot more physical than Robin does in that scene. Janet is right to call him a groper, in contrast to Robin, who's known for his gentleness. When Jack says both sides are good, he's flattering her about the tickets, but sounds sincere.
Robin asks his Chrissy for a bit of the other, and she turns him down just for today. Although Robin is sucking up to Brit-Chrissy at the time, he probably does think she's beautiful, if not incredibly, radiantly beautiful. And of course there's the frisking and spanking. He claims he's not after her youthful body, but if it would help....
Both Brit-Chrissy and Janet claim to be very passionate, which won't exactly discourage Robin and Jack. And we learn that Janet not only likes to blow in Jack's ear but to have him lick behind her ear.
Robin still secondarily lusts after Jo, as the exchange about earning a bonus in bed indicates, and of course this carries over for Jack and Amer-Chrissy. We don't get an equivalent of Robin saying that Jo has nothing he wants, that she's likely to give him, but both men shift their attentions to the other flat/roommate when they realize what happened to the second ticket.
It's notable that Brit-Chrissy doesn't string Jo along but almost immediately lets her in on how she's using Robin, while Janet tries to get what she can out of both roomies. Yes, the ticket-holders are unscrupulous, but it's not like they carry it too far. And they do draw the line at Larry flogging/scalping the tickets, although that would've been a good solution, if it weren't illegal.
Not much to say about the Larrys, other than once again Amer-Larry is a more minor character than his British counterpart. It would take Richard Kline till the fourth season to make his way into the opening credits. "Bird Song" is only Larry's fifth episode of what would eventually be 111. In contrast, Doug Fisher has been an integral part of MatH since series three.
I've lost track of how many times Brit-Chrissy remarks on "a typical male," usually Robin.
Since these episodes feature the budgie and parakeet so prominently, with even a promise of mating, I went back and retroactively tagged a bunch of the episodes and the movie. It's arguable that Roper's bird is more prominent on MatH than on 3'sC, since they got a live bird and the episode ends with George trying to catch the girl budgie. It's clear that both birds are outlets for affection for the husbands, with the wives jealous of the attention. It's not surprising that the British show comes closer to Mr. Roper using the word "cock," particularly considering the visual pun in the closing credits (rooster between two cats).
I'm not sure why they had Jack rather Janet be the one to give the tickets to the Ropers, but it works either way.
I'm with Brit-Chrissy and Janet on the subject of Frank Sinatra. It's nothing to do with him being a granddad, since I'd still give Paul Simon (the singer, not the senator) a tumble. Sinatra is just too Vegasy for me. But I do recognize what a huge star he was, apparently in the U.K. as well as U.S. It must've been nice for NRW not to have to swap out a 50+ British singer for someone the Americans would know about. Sinatra turned 60 the December after "Come Fly with Me" came out, and the title of the episode comes from his 1958 album.
My favorite added moment for the American episode is Jack's speech about Sweden. It is a good lie.
I like that Brit-Swedish-Inga is a lesbian for no particular reason, and Chrissy is completely casual about it. Jack will later date a girl named Inga, on the "skiing" episode, although she seems to be American-born and has no discernible foreign accent.
"Did You Ever Meet Rommel?", which aired on 30 January 1974, had the Ropers celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary. The American version of "No Children, No Dogs" was where those Ropers had their 20th anniversary, and it aired April 7, 1977. For once, the American continuity is closer, although still wrong. And of course, it feels off that Mildred/Helen was young enough to be a bobbysoxer Sinatra fan if she met George/Stanley during the war, although maybe that explains why they waited more than a decade to get married.
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