This Bud's for You, Part Two

Joints:  On 3'sC31, the scene opens on the plant and then the camera pans down to the people.  Robin asks if Larry's sure.  Larry says something about a bloke who possessed one of these and got a 150 quid fine.  Both Chrissys say they didn't know a cannabis/marijuana plant would look like this.  Both Larrys ask what the Chrissys expected, "clusters of ready-rolled joints?"

Robin thinks the plant is from the squatters in #12.  They grow their own food.  And the seeds could've blown over to Mr. Roper's garden.  Jack doesn't blame anyone in particular.  He says the wind could've blown the seeds from anywhere, or birds could've carried them. 

The Larrys say to stick to that story.  Brit-Larry says it'll put a bit of doubt in the jury's mind.  Amer-Larry says, "I'm sure any jury in the world would believe you."  Brit-Larry says it's nothing to do with him.  He plans to say, "I don't know either of them, Inspector."  Then he leaves.  Amer-Larry says that this could mean a year in jail.  He plans to say, "Officer, I never saw these people before in my life.  Thank you and goodnight."  Then he salutes.

Robin says they'll burn it outside, in a bonfire.  Chrissy says then half the neighbourhood will get stoned.  On 3'sC, these lines are reversed between Chrissy and Jack.  Robin suggests flushing it down the loo, but Chrissy says that blocks up if you tap your ash into it.  These lines are omitted on 3'sC.  Both Chrissys suggest burying the cannabis in the garden, but Robin says next year a whole crop will come up.  On 3'sC, the line goes to Larry, with the addition, after a pause, of "Call me."  Then he leaves.  Jack calls after him, "Thanks for your help, Larry."

Brit-Chrissy suggests slinging the plant in the dustbin.  Robin thinks the dustmen might recognise it.  He thinks she should put it on the balcony.  The cat next door will pee on it.  That's how she loses half her plants.  (This first came up on MatH21.)  Jack is less explicit when he suggests the balcony, saying they can "get the cat next door to come visit it.  Well, that's how you lost your fern."

The Chrissys think they should ask the police for advice.  Robin says that idea is sensible, logical, "and I don't like it."  Jack protests, "No way!  No police!" and swigs some of Roper's beer.

Plant:  So of course the next scene is set in a police station.  Robin and Chrissy bring in the plant wrapped in brown paper.  Jack and Chrissy arrive on their bikes, without the plant.

Brit-Chrissy says that when she was a kid, she was told that policemen are our friends.  Robin says, "Listen, when you were a kid, they were."

Jack says he feels funny.
Chrissy:  That's because you've been drinking all that beer.
Jack:  No, coming here is a big mistake.
Chrissy:  You have nothing to fear but fear itself.
Jack:  I was afraid of that.

The desk sergeant tells them they shouldn't bring their bikes in here.  Chrissy exclaims, "We can't leave them in front of the police station!  They'll get stolen!"

As I mentioned earlier, the British desk sergeant is played by Ken Watson.  The American is played by David Tress, who'd return to 3'sC a couple years later as "Virgil."  It looks like he mostly did dramas, although he did appear on an early Seinfeld episode.

Robin:  My name is--
Chrissy:  He doesn't need to know that!
Robin:  You don't need to know that.
Chrissy:  Not yet anyway.
Robin:  Not yet anyway.

Jack:  My name is--
Chrissy:  You don't have to tell him your name.
Jack:  That's true, I don't have to tell you my name.
Chrissy:  (amused) Not yet anyway.
Jack:  Not yet anyway.

Robin says he's asking a question on behalf of a friend.  Jack says he just dropped in to ask a few questions on behalf of a friend, "you don't know him."
Amer-Sergeant:  I don't know you either!
Amer-Chrissy:  Oh, you'd like him if you did.  He's very honest, loyal, sincere.

Robin wonders, if someone committed an offence without meaning to, would he still be guilty?  Jack wonders what would happen if his friend accidentally committed an offense.  Amer-Chrissy "explains," "What he means is, if his friend was innocent, would he still be guilty?"
Amer-Sergeant:  Of what?
Amer-Chrissy:  Of what he didn't do.

The Brit-sergeant wants to know what sort of offence.  Robin names various offences, including possession of drugs, which gets the sergeant's attention.  Chrissy says it could've been overdue library books.

Jack thinks they should go, but the Amer-sergeant says that Jack said offense.  "What kind of offense?"  Jack hesitates, then names various things, mumbling "possession of drugs."
Amer-Sergeant:  Drugs?
Amer-Chrissy:  He didn't say drugs!
Amer-Sergeant:  (coming out from behind the very high desk) What kind of drugs?  And what did you mean by possession?

Robin/Jack says it's a plant.  The sergeants exclaim, "Someone's planted drugs on you?"

Brit-Sergeant:  Son, as far as I'm concerned, you and your friend can park your car, you can fill it full of overdue library books, you can flash the faulty headlights on and off until you're blue in the face.
Robin:  Thank you very much.
Brit-Sergeant:  It's harmless.  But when it comes to drugs, that's a different matter.

The Amer-sergeant says that possession of drugs is a very serious crime.  He puts his arm paternally on Jack's shoulder and asks what this is all about.  Jack stutters on the word "hypothetical," so the sergeant thinks he means hypodermic.  Jack stutters more then tries to leave.

Robin and Chrissy sneak out while the sergeant is getting the form for a statement.  Jack won't get away so easily.

Fill this:  The Amer-sergeant asks, "Are you riding those bicycles to your home?"  Jack says, "Just the one," and chuckles.  Then he babbles.  The sergeant asks if Jack has been drinking.
Jack:  Who, me?  (He hiccoughs.)  No!
Chrissy:  (cheerfully) Just some home-made beer.

The sergeant says it's against the law to ride a bicycle while under the influence.  He'd like Jack to take a breath test.  He goes back behind the desk.  Jack says, "No, Officer, I can breathe just fine!"  He pants like a dog.

Meanwhile, Robin22 is taking the breath test again, this time at the police station.  The results are the same as the first.  The police sergeant says Robin is well over.  He's played by Alister Williamson, who worked from 1959 to '86, often as a policeman.  The sergeant says they'll need a sample.  He takes out a urine bottle and asks, "Can you fill this?"  Robin says, "Well, not from here, no."

The Amer-sergeant says, "Don't want to take the breath test, eh?  Fine, Sir."  He holds up the urine bottle.  "Can you fill this?"  Jack says, "Not from here."  The gag is exaggerated because of the distance between Jack and the high desk.  The audience laughs and applauds.

Robin says he's just been.  The sergeant says he'll have to go again.  Robin doesn't think he has any left.  The sergeant suggests a blood sample, but Robin doesn't want that.  He suggests they turn on the water tap to inspire him.  The sergeant can't do that, but he says it helps to whistle.  Robin wonders if it has to be anything in particular.

While Robin's in the next room, the sergeant explains to Chrissy about the summons.  Robin whistles a tune I don't recognise.  He comes in soon after.  He needs another bottle because he dropped the first one.

3'sC keeps it simpler and cleaner.  The sergeant comes down from the desk again, hands Jack the bottle, and points to the next room, saying, "In there!"

Dustmen:  Since Robin and Chrissy escaped on MatH31, they're now walking down their street with the plant.  They see the rubbish lorry.  Chrissy wants Robin to sling the plant in the lorry.  He has to first ask the dustmen questions.  Do they know anything about botany?  The second dustman knows philosophy.  There's an extreme close-up of Chrissy looking approving as Robin slings the plant in. 

The first dustman is played by John Lyons, who was then about 32 and is still working today, with 39 episodes of A Touch of Frost from 1992 to 2010.  The second dustman is Mike Savage, also 32 at the time, and he did one episode of A Touch of Frost, as well as another episode of MatH in '76, plus a bunch of other roles, often as a policeman or detective.

Outside their flat, Chrissy tells Robin, "I don't know about policemen, but I think our dustmen are wonderful."

Duck:  In the next scene on MatH22, Robin is in his dressing gown.  He could fight the summons and get the backing of the AA, RAC (Royal Automobile Club), and something Taylor.  Jo points out he's guilty.  He says that's the weak part of his argument. 

She thinks he should plead "guilty but not much."  Her Uncle Albert did, for "interfering with a duck on a public highway."  (For those keeping track, this makes at least three uncles for Jo, although Uncle Arthur sounds like he was old enough to more likely be a great-uncle.) 
Jo:  He was remanded for medical reports.  Uncle Albert, not the duck.
Robin:  Funny lot, your family.
Jo:  Mm hm.  I'm the only normal one.
Robin says he didn't do anything.  She says, "Neither did he.  Ducks can move very quickly when they want to."

Robin says he didn't drive very far, probably not even a yard.  He doubts the wheels turned a full circle.

He's due in court at 12.  Chrissy is amused as she says, "Oh, high noon."

Robin:  One little mistake and I'm suspended.
Jo:  They hang you?

It's Chrissy's day off and she's going to be taking her driving test, which means that ten days have elapsed.  (The "gardening" episodes cover only a couple days.)  Jo forgot Chrissy wasn't going into work, and now Jo is really late.  She says that it's ten minutes, but if it was the two of them, it would only be five minutes each.  She tells Robin, "See you in court," presumably going on her lunch hour.

Mr. Roper is just about to knock when she's coming through the door, so she tells him, "Oh, you don't have to now 'cause it's open."  He goes in.

He has a couple little tips.  Chrissy is skeptical, because of the pound-in-the-driving-licence tip.  He admits he slipped up there.  He didn't allow for inflation, and it should've been a fiver.  He asks Chrissy for coffee.  She goes to the kitchen to get it.  He tells Robin, "I had to get rid of her in that subtle manner."

George asks Robin if there's any chance he's a Buffalo, since most magistrates are.  He demonstrates the Buffalo sign for help and assistance, which in part is thumbing the nose.  It's unclear if George belongs to that lodge or this is just something he picked up somewhere.

Chrissy comes back with the coffee, but George tells her no thanks, he prefers tea in the morning.

He asks Robin if he's going to wear a suit.  Robin says no, he'll go stark naked.  "That's how we Freemasons recognise each other."

Mrs. Roper lets herself in.  She's very flirty with her husband about the bacon.  She asks if he fancies any of his beer.  He says she's got him drinking it all hours of the day.  She says it was just a thought.

The Ropers are going to watch Robin's case, too.  Mildred says it'll give her a chance to wear her new hat.  George plans to bring chocolates.  Robin cries, "Chocolates?!?  No one's taking this seriously!"

Headmaster:  The next scene is set in the hallway of the courthouse.  A dreary-looking woman named Mrs. McDonald is called in.  (She's uncredited, as is the smiling vicar coming up.)  Robin says this is just like being brought up in front of the headmaster in school.  Jo says that was six strokes versus the six months he might face now.  (These strokes are from paddling or spanking, as opposed to being put off your stroke.)

Robin whistles, and Chrissy, amused, says, "Careful, you'll wet yourself."

The smiling vicar is reading Kung Fu magazine.
Robin:  What do you think he's here for?
Chrissy:  God knows.  (She chuckles.)

Robin refers to the "ratty little policeman," so of course Ken Watson appears.

In the courtroom the mousy woman is accused of having 23 tins of baked beans (clutch) about her person, plus corn flakes.  The magistrate says there's too much shoplifting.  He's going to be "lenient" though, and give her three months without the option.  George, watching from the gallery, says this is better than the telly.  Mildred is wearing a red hat to match her red & white outfit.

The magistrate is played by Erik Chitty, who died two years later, at the age of 70.  He did TV-movies in the 1930s!  He worked steadily till the end, including 55 episodes of Please Sir! as Mr. Smith.

Ken-cop says that it'll be another half hour for Robin, since they always run late.  He offers a sweet.  Robin says, "The condemned man ate a hearty toffee." 

All things bright and beautiful:  Chrissy goes up to the gallery.  Robin asks Ken-cop if he feels any guilt.  Ken-cop says, "You was the one running round with your trousers down, singing 'All Things Bright and Beautiful.' "  No, that was actually the vicar, who keeps smiling. 

A man whom I think is the clerk of the court calls them in right after Robin puts the toffee in his mouth, although it obviously hasn't been half an hour yet.  The clerk is played by Frank Lester, whose credits are only from 1971 to '84, yet somehow include both The Rocky Horror Picture Show (as "Wedding Dad") and Scarecrow and Mrs. King.

Or is he the warrant officer, played by Mark Boyle?  Boyle mostly did stunts, but he also played policemen and similar.

George:  (meaning Robin) I know him.
Bicyclist:  So do I.
Chrissy:  It's his bicycle we ran over.

We find out that Robin's full name is Robin Oswald Tripp. 
Jo:  He kept that quiet.
Chrissy:  I don't blame him.

He's accused of acting contrary to the Road Safety Act of 1967.  He has the toffee stuck in his mouth.  He swallows it and pleads guilty.  Ken-cop says that the incident happened at 7.15 p.m. on the 18th of this month, which I guess was February 1975, rather than happening in the then "future" of 18 March.  He was on patrol duty in the Kensington area.

George offers the soft centres, which he doesn't like, to the other people in the gallery.  He thinks Ken-cop is very good, very realistic.  He compares the trial to Crossroads, which is funny considering that that show was supposed to be so bad it was good.

Ken-cop says, "I asked him to take a breathalyser.  Whereupon he replied, 'All things bright and beautiful'....Whereupon he replied, 'Oh, bloody hell.  I have only had a pint of home-made neck's water."  The camera cuts to George looking confused yet insulted.  (I have no idea what neck's water is.)

The magistrate asks if Robin has any questions.  Robin puts his hands on his hips and says, "I'd like you to cast your mind back to the 18th--"  The magistrate says, "Without the Perry-Masonisms if you please."

Robin asks if the wheels went all the way round.  He compares it to football.  The magistrate says this isn't relevant unless Robin was playing football in the car.  The FA rules do not apply in this courtoom.  "In that respect, I'm afraid you're offside."  The magistrate breaks himself up, and the others in the courtroom are also amused.  Then the magistrate asks if Robin has any more foolish questions.

Jo asks Chrissy if they were playing football in the car.  Chrissy says, "No, he lives in a world of his own."

The magistrate disqualifies Robin from driving for 12 months, and fines him 25 pounds.  As Robin returns to the hallway, he passes the smiling vicar.  Ken-cop tells him it could've been 50, not years but pounds.  Robin says they're ignoring the 20,000 miles he's driven stone cold sober.

Over on 3'sC, Jack and Chrissy come home, she with her bike, he on foot.
Chrissy:  I told you you shouldn't be drinking that dumb beer!
Jack:  You didn't have to tell the cop that I'd been drinking it!
Chrissy:  Tell him?  He could smell your breath before you opened you mouth!

Jack will have to go to court, he'll be fined, and it'll be weeks before he sees his bike again.  He says he loved that bike, and the cops will probably be riding it all round L.A.  We won't see Jack's court case, as this is the last his drunk driving (or drunk pedaling) will be mentioned.

Back in the U.K., the girls and the Ropers come down the gallery staircase, then Ken-cop says he didn't mention the attempted bribery.  George calls that disgraceful, as if it wasn't his fault.

Jo:  Never mind, Oswald.
Chrissy:  Oswald.  Do you realise that makes your initials spell "rot"?

Chrissy's driving test will be at half past one.  Robin can't drive her there now.  So Mildred volunteers George.

Driving Test:  A woman exits, crying, from a building with a sign "Department of the Environment, Driving Tests."  Then Chrissy parks next to a "No Parking" sign.  Robin, who's come along with her and George, says that 50% of people pass their driving test on the first try.  Chrissy says that this means that 50% fail.  George is about to give her a little tip but then thinks not. 

The examiner of course turns out to be the bicyclist.  Chrissy talks about tuna fish, beans, and chunky chicken.  Then she backs up, and we see a bicycle wheel roll by.  She's hit his bike again. 

This is a very long episode, 29 minutes, and it's funny how little of it ends up Americanized.  There's still a ways to go for 3'sC. 

Remembering Mrs. Roper:  Amer-Chrissy says they still haven't decided what to do about the plants.  Jack says chop 'em up and put them down the garbage disposal.  She says it doesn't work.  He says to get Roper to fix it.

The name Roper reminds Chrissy.  With big eyes, she says that Mrs. Roper is using the marijuana plant in her flower arrangement.  He says they've got to warn Mrs. Roper.  She says that it's too late, and Mrs. Roper will already be at the exhibition.

Brit-Chrissy also remembers Mrs. Roper.  Then Larry comes in with a suggestion.  They could post the plant to themselves, marked highly valuable.  Then the postman will nick it.  Larry is the one who says that the Ropers left half an hour ago, with Mildred's flower arrangement.

The Exhibition:  On 3'sC, we get a large sign that says, "Arts & Crafts Display, Adult Class Evening Sessions."  There's also a little sign by someone's arrangement of yellow tulips and other flowers that reads, "Happiness and Harmony."  Mrs. Roper's display reads, "Symphony of the Wild Flowers." 

There's a reporter with a pen and camera, who's following the teacher.  Helen tells us that her teacher is one of the judges.  The reporter isn't credited but the "flower judge" is Ludi Claire, who had only a handful of credits, this being her last.  She was on Edge of Night for two years.

On Math31, the teacher poses for photographs.  He's male and played by Charles Morgan, who has credits from 1949 to '89, including eight appearances on Doctor Who and amusingly a part on Crossroads.

Mildred is appropriately wearing a pink floral outfit with a pink flowered hat.

Helen tells Stanley to try to look interested, but he's not.  She says, "Then try to look alive."  She takes away his bag of peanuts.  He's wearing bland colors, with a sweater over his shirt.  She says, "Look at the way you're dressed!  Did you remember to wear clean shorts?"  He asks, "Why?  Are they judging them, too?"

Mildred asks George if he's wearing clean underpants.
George:  What exactly are they judging?
Mildred:  Everything...Have you been?
George:  No.
Mildred:  Then you're gonna have to wait.

The British teacher says one arrangement is a splendid effort, and the reporter gets a shot of him and the student.  The American teacher also has the reporter get a shot of her and a student.  "The local press" is here, so Mr. Roper smiles, but his wife scolds, "Don't smile!  It makes you look" simple for MatH, simple-minded for 3'sC.

A man comes over and tells Mrs. Roper that there's a telephone call for her, the American whispering it to her.  Mrs. Roper has her husband answer it.

Brit-Larry says maybe the judges won't recognise the plant.  Chrissy says the place is full of experts.

Brit-Chrissy:  Hello, Mrs. Roper?
George:  Do I look like her?  Chrissy who?  Can of what?  Oh, bisque.
Gradually he realises what she's saying.

Stanley says, "Mrs. Roper has a what in her arrangement?  A can of what?  Can of bis?  What's that?  Oh, cannabis.  So?"  Then he widens his eyes as Jack or Chrissy explains offscreen.  "What?  What?  Mari--Shh!"  He looks around in a paranoid way.  "I know it's illegal!  Oh God!"

Mr. Roper rushes over to his wife's display.  He tries to tell her but she won't listen because she's next.  George pulls the plant out and makes a mess.  Mildred cries.  Stanley goes to another table and gets a reddish purple clay thing, which he throws on top of her arrangement.  Helen is shocked and horrified.  He tries to look innocent.

The British teacher sees that Mildred's arrangement is called "Poem of the Hedgerows."  He says it's very unusual, casual.  The American teacher says Helen's is very unusual.  They agree, "not your best work."  The American adds, "But you'll improve."  She goes to talk to the reporter, a few feet behind the Ropers, very important for staging.

They're less concerned about that sort of farcical set-up on the British show.  They just have the teacher overhear George say he didn't want the teacher to see the plant.  That teacher identifies the plant as Grevillea robusta, or silk-bark oak.  On 3'sC, the teacher turns and says the plant is "such a fascinating little fellow, false aralia."  (If Google images are anything to go by, the second plant's leaves look much more like marijuana.)  When the American teacher hears what Stanley thinks the plant is, she's amused and says, "Cannabis?  Oh, dear me, we do have a lot to learn, don't we?"

Mrs. Roper is so upset that she hits her husband with her purse.  The reporters get a picture of it, the American kissing his fingertips in gratitude.  On MatH, we get to see the photo in Kensington Herald, with the story "FLOWER SHOW FRACAS."

Botany:  Then MatH shows Mildred looking at the newspaper in the trio's kitchen.  Chrissy apologises, but Mildred says she's not that bothered, since she got her picture in the paper, which is more than the winner did. 

Robin says it wasn't Chrissy's fault.  Mildred says she knows it was "Percy Thrower upstairs."  Larry has been avoiding her.  Then Jo finds him hiding in the cupboard.  Mildred chases him out of the flat.

Chrissy goes out to the balcony to water the plants.  Despite what he just said to Mildred, Robin comes out and says it was Chrissy's fault, believing Larry, "he's even more stupid than Jo."  Jo is understandably offended.  She says, "Oh, thank you very much.  As it happens, I know quite a lot about botany."  She says you can compare the picture in the paper with "this."  She lifts a plant from Chrissy's garden.  Both her flatmates say, "What?"  She giggles.  The episode ends.

Of course Janet is the real expert.  Now back from helping Marilyn, she says, "Poor Mrs. Roper!  But I don't understand where you guys got the idea that this stuff was cannabis.
Chrissy:  Well, Larry said it was.
Janet:  Larry?  And you believed Larry.

She says it's not cannabis, it's false aralia.  Jacks says it's obvious to her, she works in a flower shop.  She says you just have to compare it.  Pulling out a different plant, she says, "With this.  This is cannabis!"  She hands it to Jack.  He and Chrissy toss it back and forth.  Then Jack takes the bouquet and is going to throw it out the door.  Since Mr. Roper is waiting outside, about to knock, Jack hands him the bouquet and says, "Happy birthday."  Then he and Chrissy whistle innocently.

Laughing stock:  In the tag for 3'sC, Janet is visiting the Ropers.  Stanley comes in with the paper and says, "Look at that picture!  I'm the laughing stock of the whole town!"  Helen says he should be used to that by now.  But when she opens the paper, she's shocked.  He says it's her fault.  So they bicker.

Janet tries to make peace, hoping they'll kiss and make up.  Helen is all for that.  Stanley reluctantly gives her a peck on the lips.  She puts her arms around him and lowers him to the floor, out of view behind the couch.  The audience applauds. 

He cries, "Helen!  Helen!  What are you doing?"  She surfaces and says to Janet, "Married 20 years and he still doesn't know."  Janet is both amused and embarrassed, so she sneaks out.  And the episode ends.

Commentary:  The beauty pageant is an odd way to start the 3'sC episode, since it has nothing to do with the illegal ingesting of substances.  But it gives John Ritter a chance to be silly, as it does for the duo of O'Sullivan and Fisher.  It's interesting that Janet is insecure about her chest (as indicated on some other episodes), while the British girls remain comfortable with their figures.  (I'm glad they've dropped Jo dieting, that was just odd.) 

It's also notable that while we get something quasi-political with Miss Common Market, the American contest seems to be agricultural.  Similarly, Larry is identified by the part of the country he's from, South Kent, while Jack is Mr. Pico Boulevard.  (Kent, by the way, is the British county closest to Calais.)  And instead of Stanley yet again thinking Jack is gay (and cross-dressing), we get Brit-Chrissy encouraging George to question Larry's sexuality, an unexpected end to a sequence that started with Larry calling Robin queer.

Brit-Larry's best moment for me is not Mr. South Kent but the string of cliches he summons up to "comfort" Jo in her grief.  Amer-Larry's best is when he says, "Call me," which implies he not only recognizes but enjoys pot.  Robin, Jack, and the Chrissys are "good kids" who barely know what cannabis is.  As for Jo, well, in the movie she'd tried pot but didn't like it.  However, I'm not sure how canonical that is, and she could just be bluffing in the last scene of MatH31.

It's odd that Jo is removed from much of that episode.  It makes sense in the case of 3'sC, since they couldn't have florist Janet around during the plant panic.  When Jo left for her nephew's christening, it was so that we could have "And Then There Were Two."  They could've at least had her as part of the gardening and then out when Larry starts the cannabis scare, as happens with Janet.  And meanwhile, as if Jack doesn't have enough to do, he gets not just Robin's lines but a few of Brit-Chrissy's and Brit-Larry's. 

The way the Ropers are handled on the three episodes is quite a contrast.  As always, they bicker, but the American show heightens it, to the point that the audience applauds.  Stanley's reluctance about the "kissing and making up" doesn't sit well with me though, while it's kind of cute how beer makes George randy, even if Mildred does try to take advantage of that by getting him drunk round the clock. 

The class issue is very different on the two shows.  For MatH, class is related to economics, with the Brit-Ropers somewhere below the "middle class" of news agents and greengrocers that Mildred tries to emulate.  Meanwhile, George drinks tea out of the saucer, which is perfectly acceptable in some cultures, even if Mildred doesn't think it's posh.  But on 3'sC, Stanley's burp has nothing to do with money, it's just that he's tacky.

It's clear why the "driving lesson" plot was dropped for America.  It would be more unusual for an American woman not to know how to drive in her early 20s.  (Of course, I was in my late 30s when I got my license, but that's very rare these days.)  Brit-Chrissy did "drive" on the previous episode, but that was with Robin pushing the car, in the middle of nowhere.  With the driver's licence plot goes Robin getting arrested for drunk driving, although Jack does get the drunk bike-riding section.

Responsibility, or its lack, is important on both of these British episodes.  On MatH22, she first claims that it wasn't her fault that she hit the man's bicycle, and then she starts saying "we" did it, like Robin was equally to blame.  Then on MatH31, Robin first says it was Larry's fault and then says it was Chrissy's for listening to Larry, never mind that Larry is his best mate and he believed Larry just as much as she did.  On 3'sC, sensible Janet isn't to blame for anything, and could've prevented much of the trouble had she been around.  She tells the Ropers that Jack and Chrissy meant well, and Mrs. Roper that Mr. Roper meant well.

I like hearing what the laws were in the '70s, how long you'd get sentenced for various offences, in both the U.K. and U.S.  It's fair to say that drunk driving would less likely be a subject of humor now than it was then, in either country.  (That was the era when Foster Brooks was considered funny.)  As for pot, there was an occasional moment, like the 1993 Roseanne episode called "A Stash from the Past," that used it for humor after "Just Say No," but really, Nancy Reagan's campaign made the pot-smoking sequence of 9 to 5 look dated within three years after it hit movie theaters in 1980.  Judging from the likes of '80s/'90s programmes like The Young Ones and Whose Line Is It Anyway?, the British attitude remained more casual.

It seems kind of silly for Robin and Chrissy to lug the plant to the police station, although it does allow them to give it to the dustmen on their way home.  Jack and Chrissy are more sensible to leave the bouquet behind, although Jack is foolish to ride his bike while intoxicated.

Although Robin implies that the police are no longer our friends, the way they were in Chrissy's childhood in the '50s and early '60s, the police, magistrate, and all come across pretty well in these episodes, seeming sane compared to the criminals.  They even have their paternal moments, although they can be strict. 

These episodes manage to refer to not only MatH favourite Churchill but also FDR, with Chrissy's "fear" quote.

Jo is very dotty on both these episodes, with her family stories and twisted logic, like being twice as late to work.

My absolute favorite part of these three episodes is of course is that we find out Robin's middle name.

This Bud's for You, Part One

When the American producers (Nicholl, Ross, and West) wanted to adapt MatH22, they apparently decided to keep half of one of the two main plots and toss the rest.  Then they borrowed most of the plot from Math31.  Thus we get the odd blend that is 3'sC28.   "One for the Road" aired 13 March 1975, with "How Does Your Garden Grow" over six months later, on 2 October.  "Days of Beer and Weeds" was broadcast on Feb. 21, 1978, placing #3 in the ratings.  "One for the Road" may be another old song reference, as in "One More for My Baby (and One More for the Road)."  The other MatH title (without a question mark for some reason) is a nursery rhyme reference, as in "Mary Mary Quite Contrary."  And the 3'sC title suggests the 1962 Blake Edwards movie Days of Wine and Roses.  My title is the only pun that I could come up with to cover all this.

Pageants:  As 3's C opens, the TV is playing a beauty pageant.  Janet asks why they're watching, and Chrissy says Jack has the remote control.  He says they should look at the pageant as a self-improvement course.

I don't want to go into much detail about changes between fourth and fifth series MatH (such as opening and closing credits), but I do have to note that when Larry lets himself in, his hair looks blonder, and it suits him.  This is a few minutes into the episode, but I can't talk about the earlier scenes yet.  Bear with me while I sort this out.

Brit-Larry expected Robin to be watching the Miss Common Market Contest.  He asks, "Have you gone queer or something?"  He takes the remote, which in their case has a cord.  The American remote looks clunky, but still, the technology has advanced a bit in those three years, or maybe the American trio just have more modern technology.  (Remember, Robin was excited about colour TV not too long ago.)

I need to omit something I'll get back to.  Then Larry says, "Wait till you see Miss Rome, knockers on her like a pair of" some word I don't catch.  Jo says this is typical.  Chrissy says the men think of women solely as sex objects.  Larry denies it and then says, "Oh, look at the brains on that!"  We briefly cut away for a scene with the Ropers that I'll tell you about in a bit.

Back in the U.S., Janet asks if Jack thinks of women purely as sex objects.  He says of course not.  He likes intelligence, too.  Then he says of Miss Soybean, "Just look at the brains on that one."  Janet looks down inside her robe at her own chest, then says, "I don't see where they got a sash big enough to fit her."

When we go back to the flat, Robin, who was rolling his eyes at Larry before, is now watching as closely as his mate is.  Chrissy says she's surprised they found a sash to fit Miss Rome.

The French contestant is Miss Calais.  Robin says he's been there.  Larry is skeptical, but Robin means the town, not the girl.

Robin:  Look at the legs on that.
Jo:  I didn't know they were in the Common Market.
Robin:  Yes, both of them.

Both Chrissys think the pageants are degrading and they'd like to see men prancing up and down like that.  Jack/Robin says, "Anything to oblige."

Robin and Larry get to their feet.  Robin, using a banana as a mic, says, "Welcome to the Finals of the Male Chauvinist Pig Contest, 1975."  Larry, as Mr. South Kent, walks sultrily.  He unbuttons his shirt.  Robin says Larry looks simply ravishing in his filthy old jeans.  "Let's hope Filthy Old Jean knows he's got them on."

Since Amer-Larry isn't visiting yet, Jack has to be both host and contestant.  He grabs two oranges and turns his back to us.  He says, "Ladies and Ladies, welcome to the first annual Male Chauvinist Pig Contest of 1978."  He turns to show us how he's put the oranges down his shirt to make perky little breasts.  "And here we have the very lovely and talented Mr. Pico Boulevard."  He starts to strut.  "Looking absolutely stunning in his pair of filthy jeans.  And we'd like to thank Filthy Jean's for lending them to him."  (It's possible it's Gene, but the joke works either way.)

First is deportment.  Janet says, "He ought to be deported."  Then Jack does a silly walk.  Larry does an Igor walk, and then Chrissy says the "deported" line.

That's all we get of the categories on 3'sC, but Robin continues with the category of sex appeal, so Larry exposes a shoulder.  Robin says Mr. South Kent wants to be a chorus boy.

The American doorbell rings and Jack answers since, "Honey, I'm up."  It's Mr. Roper, who says, "Going on a date?"  Jack slouches so that the oranges fall.

George comes in without knocking.  He asks, "It's not a bad moment, is it?"  Chrissy says, "No, it's about time you found  out about Larry anyway."

How Does Your Garden Grow?:  MatH31 opens with the question-less title shown over the plant-filled balcony we first saw on MatH21.  Then we go to the kitchen, where Robin is washing up as the girls read, Chrissy a magazine and Jo a letter.

Jo is wearing a peasant dress with stripes and flowers.  She says her Uncle Arthur died.  He was the liveliest one in the family.  Robin says death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.  (I think this line might've ended up somewhere on 3'sC.  I've heard it before anyway.)

Jo's mum writes that his last wish was to buried on top of Aunt Agnes, his wife.  Chrissy thinks this is sweet, till Jo tells her that Agnes isn't dead yet.

Jo is going to go to the funeral.  Her uncle was 83.  Chrissy says he probably saw the first episode of Crossroads.  (Actually, the soap had started airing in 1964, not all that long before this episode, at least compared to some American soaps.)  But Jo says he never watched television, not after he lost his false teeth.  Her flatmates are afraid to ask.

Jo asks if Chrissy has anything black she can borrow.  Chrissy says just a see-through nightie, and that might put the vicar "off his stroke."  (I can't find a definition online, so I'm just going to assume it means something like "throw him off," and has none of the sexual connotations that the word "stroke" might suggest.)

Robin has gone to answer the door, and he brings in Mrs. Roper.  She wants to borrow a cup of fertiliser.  She tells them about the upcoming exhibit for her flower arranging class.  She says arranging flowers is a bit like cribbage.  Chrissy gives her Lawn Green. 
Jo:  Wasn't he on Bonanza?
Robin:  No, you're thinking of Fizens' (sp?) Ever Grow.  He used to play the rancher.
Mrs. Roper laughs.

After she leaves, Robin has to ask why Uncle Arthur stopped watching television.  Jo says no one could understand what he was talking about (because of the lost teeth).  The post office kept giving him a dog licence (as opposed to a television licence).  Robin tells Chrissy, "You know, sometimes I think she's having us on."  The camera cuts to Jo looking amused and mischievous.

Then there's a scene at the Ropers' that I have to omit for the moment.

Effective:  After George31/Stanley walks in on the pageantry,  he says that the kids can use his garden.  Brit-Chrissy/Janet calls it a jungle, usable for safaris.  Stanley says Helen has been nagging him about it.  She's gone nuts since she started taking a flower arranging course, and she wants home-grown flowers.

When George/Stanley expects the kids to take care of the garden, they understandably balk at this.  He lists various reasons, including exercise.  Then George points out that they're a month behind on the rent.  (Again?)  Stanley asks, "Who can't afford a raise in the rent?

Brit-Chrissy/Jack:  Mr. Roper, there's a word for the sort of threat you just made....Effective.

Jo thinks tomorrow's a good day to start, since she's going to the funeral.  But Janet says, "Goodbye, weekend," when she hears they'll be doing it tomorrow.

George says there's a lawnmower out there somewhere.  Well, there was in 1947.  If they find it, "tell the bloke next door.  I borrowed it off of him."

After George leaves, Brit-Larry says that the garden is one of the few places they haven't looked for Martin Bormann.  ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Bormann )  Continuing the WW II theme, Brit-Larry/Jack says, "There are pockets of Japanese who don't know the war is over."

Robin says it's not that bad and it won't take that long.

Strange brew:  MatH22 opens in the Ropers' kitchen.  Mildred is in a purple pantsuit with a blue beaded necklace.  George is brewing beer.

The second scene of 3'sC28 has Stanley brewing home-made beer in the living room, as Helen works on a flower arrangement.  She says he ought to be out in the garden helping the kids instead.  He hopes to sell his beer to the Regal Beagle.  She says, "And poison Santa Monica?"

George/Stanley says that everything has been sterilised.  Mildred asks, "When were you done?"  He means the equipment.  Helen says, "So that's your problem."  The audience applauds.

George has been using ordinary household items for his equipment, like a bucket.  He says of one item, "They're the best thing for when you're straining, nappy liners.  There's a joke there somewhere."

George/Stanley says that the batch from two weeks ago is ready.  She thinks this is why the bottles keep exploding. 

George says they put a penny on the pint at the British Legion, which I think means what they're charging extra.

On the Road:  In the second scene of MatH22, we're introduced to the plotline that the American writer-producers decided to ditch entirely.  Robin is asking Chrissy questions out of The Highway Code.  She does well, so he puts on an American game show host voice and asks, "Now do you want to double your money?  And I mean that most sincerely."  Chrissy is amused.

When asked where you can't park, she gives serious answers at first, then, "Outside at Tesco's.  On top of another car.  Inside a bus."  He says, "Bus?"  She says, "Lane," meaning bus lane.

Jo asks where you can park.  He says you can't park anywhere.  Chrissy will have to drive round in circles till she disappears up her own exhaust pipe.  It's a new scheme to cut down on traffic.

Chrissy says she'll never learn all this in ten days.  Jo and Robin make fun of her.  She says to Jo, "At least at the end of it, I'll be able to drive a car.  All you can drive is other people.  Up the wall."  She angrily exits to the lounge.

Robin says Jo shouldn't take the mickey out of Chrissy, "you can't have both of us doing it."

He goes in the lounge and says that he'll have Chrissy practise her throttling.  She says, "Oh, don't tempt me."

He's brought in some tins, which he sets on the floor in front of the coffee table.  He explains the system:  Beans = clutch.  Tuna fish = brake.  Chunky chicken = throttle.

He says driving is like anything else.  If you don't practise, you'll forget how.
Chrissy:  Why do you always have to bring sex into everythig?
Robin:  Sex?  Sex?  What's that, sex?
Chrissy:  Oh, I see what you mean.

They sit on the coffee table.  Jo brings in a dust pan with a scrub brush, for the gearstick.

At about the five-minute, 40-second point of the episode, Paula Wilcox almost breaks character.  She's supposed to be annoyed with Robin's directions, but she looks like she's about to laugh.

As the "examiner," Robin says, "Give us a kiss and I'll pass you," but she doesn't take him up on it.  As Robin narrates their journey, Jo says he lives in a little world of his own.  He tells Chrissy, "Ignore that lady at the bus stop."

Robin says Chrissy forgot the hand signal.
Chrissy:  I'll give you a hand signal in a minute.
Robin:  Naughty!

Effeminate:  The second scene of 3'sC28 continues, with Helen calling Stanley's brewing silly nonsense.  He says it's better than her stupid flower-arranging course.  She says it's not stupid, it's artistic.  He says it's effeminate.

The second scene of MatH31 is set in the Ropers' kitchen.  He pours tea as she works on a flower arrangement.  He says that this flower nonsense is a bit effeminate. 

Mildred says, "Well, I'm supposed to be effeminate.   Just as you're supposed to be, er, emasculate."  There's no indication she realises this is an insult.  But after Helen says, "Well, I'm supposed to be effeminate.  Just like you're emasculate," she throws her head back and cackles.

Mildred wants something green for her arrangement.  George suggests the welly (wellington boot) he referred to earlier as being lost in the garden.  When Helen wants something "tall and green and prickly," Stanley says, "How about your mother?" and does his patented grin at the camera.

The American scene ends there, but George criticises the flower-arranging class some more.  He asks why she doesn't learn something useful, like brick-laying or welding.  She says she's trying to meet a better class of people.  He says it's news agents and greengrocers, the middle-class, walking around with their poodles and blue rinses, "and the women are just as bad."

Referring to an annoying habit he's indulging in right then, she says at least they don't drink tea out of the saucer.  He asks if she wants him to stick his finger out while he's doing it.  He calls her a snob and says last year she was taking elocution lessons.

He thinks she's also taking this class to aggravate his hay fever.  She waves flowers under his nose.  He doesn't like the money she's spending on the flowers.  She says she wouldn't have to buy flowers if he cleared out that jungle of theirs.

This is where we came in:   The third scene of MatH31 has Jo packing as Robin reads the newspaper on the settee.  Chrissy says Jo's train doesn't leave till tomorrow, but Jo says, "Enough time isn't enough time for me.  I need more than enough."  Robin offers her the black armband he got for Southampton.

Then we get Larry coming in.  But the part I had to omit is that after Larry questions Robin's sexuality, Robin tells him that Jo's uncle just died.  Chrissy says he might show a bit of sympathy. 

So Larry sets down the remote and stands up.  He slowly and gently tells Jo, "It's at times like this that one's heart goes out to those that are left behind, as well as those that have gone before to a better world."  Then he sits back down and says the line about Miss Rome's knockers.

The Ropers' scene I had to omit after "the brains on that" has Mildred saying that it's years since George worked on the garden, three years to be exact.  If he fixed it up, they could invite people in.  He mocks her, saying things like, "Have another cucumber sandwich, Lady Muck."  She says they could invite George's friends, since there are plenty of trees for them to swing from.  She waves a plant at him and giggles when he sneezes.

Then we go back upstairs and get the Male Chauvinist Pig Contest and Mr. Roper's effective threat and all.

Silver bells and cockle shells:  After Robin says that the garden isn't that bad, we cut to an outdoor shot of Robin and Chrissy looking at the jungly garden.  He's wearing a T-shirt with Snoopy dancing with Lucy, which says, "Close dancing is coming back."  He says they need a machete, which is Spanish for "atom bomb."  Music plays as they garden.

On 3'sC, it's an obviously fake set, with huge weeds.  The girls are getting "bitten to death by bugs."  Jack springs up when they think they've lost him.  He dropped the insect repellent and found it under a pile of bugs, "they love this stuff."  Janet slaps his face to get a mosquito.  He cries, "Look, a caterpillar!" and playfully shakes her by the shoulders.

Amer-Chrissy worries about rats, but Jack says they all got eaten by the snakes.  Chrissy panics and "kills" a garden hose with the hedge clippers.  Jack clowns with the hose.  Brit-Chrissy is calmer, just asking if there are snakes in the garden, and when Robin says no, telling him "then I've chopped the garden hose in half." 

There's more slapstick on 3'sC, as Jack steps on a rake and hits himself in the face, dropping to the ground.  On MatH, we see an ever-growing pile of junk, like old tires.  And Robin breaks off the handle of the old lawnmower.  (Poor neighbour, after loaning it for 28 years.)

Robin asks, "Chrissy, I haven't just stuck this garden fork through your foot, have I?"  When she says no, he collapses in pain.  Jack asks, "Chrissy, did I just stick this fork through your foot?"  When she says no, he pulls it out of his own foot.  He puts his fist to his mouth and the girls tend to him.

Hops:  In the third scene of MatH22, we see George still brewing.  Stanley is doing the same in the fourth scene of 3'sC28.  Mildred/Helen reminds her husband to put in the eye of newt and tongue of bat.  Stanley replies, "Can you spare them?"

Mildred thinks this is like when he repaneled the bath.  It reminds Helen of when he painted the bathtub last month.  Mrs. Roper says he should've warned her before she got in.  Mr. Roper is amused by the memory.  Mildred says she was stuck to the bottom. 
Stanley:  You should've seen your face when you stuck to the bottom.
Helen:  It wasn't my face I was worried about.

Mrs. Roper wants to see how the beer turned out.  As Helen puts it, "Let's have a look at what's gonna put Budweiser out of business."  Mr. Roper pours a glass with a big head, noticeably larger on the British show.  In fact, George's brew overflows the glass. 

Mrs. Roper refuses to drink any, Helen using the youthful slang of "no way."  Mrs. Roper says it has things swimming around in it.  Mr. Roper says they're hops. 
Mildred:  All right, they're hopping around in it.
Helen:  OK, so it has little things hopping around in it.

Mildred thinks George could drink the beer and be all claws and fangs.  She asks where the insurance books are.  Then she says hairs are growing on the back of his hand.

When Stanley drinks, he spits out the seeds.  Helen asks where he keeps his insurance policy.

George/Stanley says it tastes sort of nutty.  Mildred/Helen says, "Look who made it."

Lazy devil:  On Math31, George watches from his kitchen window as Robin and Chrissy garden.  He calls Robin a lazy devil, dancing about on one leg when he should be working. 

Mildred is working on her flower arrangement.  She wants George to take a bath.  He says the exhibit isn't till 2.  She says time has no meaning for him, once he gets in there and starts playing with his loofa.  He says he's not going, but she says that the entire course has been leading up to this exhibition. 

Robin and Chrissy let themselves in.  Chrissy says there's just "a little weed" to be got rid of.  Mildred says, "Yes, George, go and have your bath."

Janet taps on the open door.  She looks exhausted.  Chrissy and Jack follow, he leaning on her and limping.  They're done for today and they'll finish up tomorrow.

Have a glass:  Helen says Stanley should give the kids something for all the work they did.  The three of them look at him hopefully.  He offers the beer.  The girls pass, but Jack takes a glass.

Returning to MatH22, after the "nutty" exchange, Robin knocks and lets himself into the kitchen.  He wants to borrow their car again, for an hour.  George says all right and hands him a glass.

Mildred says, "He made it himself, Love."  When Helen tells Jack, his mouth is full.  George says he strained the beer through Mildred's tights.  She says they were new ones.  Stanley says he strained the beer through a pair of Helen's stockings.  She complains, "My best pair."

Jack drinks some more and spits out seeds.  He says the beer is a little strong but not bad.  Stanley gives him two bottles. 

Robin says the beer isn't bad at all.  Then there's a dissolve.

George is now telling a war story.  After an air raid, he saw "Winnie."  Robin asks if this is the girl George met in the land army.  George means Churchill, who said, "The drain's have gone then?"  Shortly after that, they started the second front.  Robin wonders if the two were connected, but George wouldn't say that.

Mildred brings in Chrissy.  George gives Robin the car keys.  He offers Chrissy a glass, but she doesn't want it when she's driving.  He gives her the little tip to put a quid in your driving licence.  (As we'll see later, this comes in a little booklet, sort of like a passport, rather than just the card we'd have in America.)

After Robin and Chrissy leave, bickering, George says, "Nice lad that, goes on a bit."

He says the beer is strong stuff.  He puts his arm around Mildred's waist and pulls her close.  "Do you fancy an early night tonight then, Mildred?"  She's surprised and delighted.

Accident:  In the car, Chrissy forgets the clutch, then remembers it's beans.  When she says mistakes can happen, Robin says, "I know, but you don't have to give it so much help."

He has her do a reverse turn around the corner.  She drives on the sidewalk. There's a man carrying a bicycle.  He drops the bike and she backs over it.

Two policeman are watching and calmly drinking from a thermos.  One is named Arthur.  (Yes, the writers were very fond of that name.)  Although there are two of them, I think only one is credited, the one with sideboards, listed as "Policeman" and played by Ken Watson, who usually went by Kenneth.  From 1956 to '94, he played a lot of policemen and the like, including, as we'll see in Part Two, on "How Does Your Garden Grow."  He had an earlier appearance on MatH, with "It's Only Money," but he was the bank manager rather than one of the policemen.

The victim says he just put a new bulb on his bike.  Chrissy says it wasn't all their fault, he didn't signal.  He says you don't have to signal when you're coming out of your own garden gate.  Robin agrees with him.  The man is played by Harry Littlewood, then about 54, with credits ranging from 1959 to '91, including four characters on George & Mildred and two on Robin's Nest. 

Chrissy is going to move the car forward but Robin does it to prevent further damage.  Then the policeman asks to see his licence.  The bicycle frame is broken in two, but Chrissy points out that the bulb still works.

"There's a pound note in here, Sir."  Robin says he doesn't have a wallet and it's lucky the policeman is honest.

The man tries to say that Chrissy is the one who hit the bike, but the cop is more concerned that Robin might've been drinking.  He says Robin will have to take a breath test.  And MatH22 breaks for adverts.

Another unwise gift:  Back in the gardening plots, Brit-Chrissy wants to take some plants upstairs.  George wants to charge her a quid for the lot, but Mildred won't allow that.  Neither Mildred nor Chrissy knows what one plant is called.  Chrissy offers it to Mildred, who says it's exactly what she needs for her flower arrangement.

Helen admires Amer-Chrissy's wildflower bouquet.  She says it's exactly what she needs for her arrangement.  Chrissy gives her some of it.  Helen says there's going to be an arts & crafts exhibit at the school.

George comes back in because he can't find his rubber duck.  Mildred says it's with his shower cap.

The Amer-trio are about to leave, the girls wishing Mrs. Roper good luck and Jack telling Mr. Roper, "Hey, thanks for the suds."  Then Mr. Roper burps.  His wife looks exasperated.  The trio hesitate by the door.

Market:  Upstairs, Robin says another sixteenth of an inch and he'd have lost his favourite toe, the little piggy that went to the market.  It didn't stay home or have roast beef or anything.  "It boldly went where no pig went before.  To market!"

Jack, who's spraying on some kind of disinfectant, says that another millimeter to the left and he would've lost his toe.  Chrissy says it's only bruised.  (It's funny that Jack goes metric when Robin doesn't.  But back in '78 there was a big push for the metric system in the U.S.  I still fondly remember seeing a play around that time, called Take Me to Your Liter, I Want to Meter.)

Janet, who's wearing bellbottom jeans, reties her denim shirt.  She's going over to her friend Marilyn's, because she promised to help her move this afternoon.  (Poor Janet, not much of a relaxing weekend.)  Jack asks her to pick him up a packet of assorted toes.

After Janet leaves, Chrissy says Jack is making too big a fuss.  He says this is his favorite toe, the little piggy who went to market, but he doesn't make a comedy routine out of it.

Brit-Larry knocks and lets himself in.  Amer-Larry knocks on the door that Janet left open.  Jack observes, "You're up early.  It's only noon."

Brit-Larry wants to return a packet of fags, the ones he's going to borrow.  He can't return them if Robin won't lend them, but Robin won't cooperate.  Since hardly anyone smokes on the American show, this Larry is worried about the five bucks he owes Jack.  When Jack says Larry doesn't owe him anything, Larry says he will when Jack lends it to him.  At first Jack says no way, but then he gives in because he has no resistance when his toe is dying.  Larry says, "Make it ten bucks, I'll send a wreath."

Brit-Chrissy asks where Larry was while they were slaving away.  He says he was there in spirit, but he's got a lazy body.

Brit-Larry looks at the very tall plant Chrissy brought up from the garden.  He says it's pot, hash, cannabis, marijuana.  Robin and Chrissy look at each other and then at Larry.  MatH31 goes to its advert break.

Amer-Larry looks at Chrissy's bouquet and asks where she got it.  She says Roper's garden, but she doesn't know what the plants are.
Amer-Larry:  They're called cannabis.
Amer-Chrissy:  Really?  Oh, that's pretty.
He explains that it's marijuana, pot.  They're shocked.  And 3'sC28 goes to commercial.

To be continued....

The Movie, Part Two

Getting it together:  Chrissy is typing the petition.  Robin pour drinks.  He puts his arms around her.  Soft music starts.
Robin:  Can't you finish this later, when Jo gets back?
Chrissy:  I thought the idea was to get on with it before she gets back.
Robin:  Come on, let's stop messing about.
Chrissy:  I second that.

He has her sit back and gets them the drinks.
Robin:  You can't hold out forever.
Chrissy:  What makes you think I have?
Robin:  Oh, I don't.
Chrissy:  Oh, don't you?
And then when he tries to say he does think she's held out, she says, "Oh, do you?"

She's says it's all right for him.  Men can just turn it on.  A girl needs time, coaxing, chatting up.  He says he can't chat her up.  "How can you chat up someone you care for?  Someone you have a deep, emotional feeling for.  How am I doing?"

Vinegar and chip fat:  Meanwhile, in Larry's car....
Jo:  Honestly, Larry,  I really don't feel like it.
Larry:  Oh, come on, Jo, you will enjoy it.
Jo:  But I don't like pot.

He says it's nice here, the atmosphere.  She says, "Yes, vinegar and chip fat."

He says he has a little confession to make:  he was born a girl.  Ever since the operation, he hasn't had a chance to find out if it works.  So, "in the interest of medical science."  She gives him "full marks for originality."

Jo:  Has anyone ever told you you're terribly attractive, and have a wonderful way with women.
Larry:  (flattered) No, no, they haven't.
Jo:  (amused) Then where'd you get the idea from?

She wants him to take her home, and offers to make coffee there.  He worries about his reputation.  She says she won't tell anyone he didn't score.  She'll even recommend him to her friends.  He's flattered.  She says that's a better technique, pathos.

She wants to drive the car because he's a mad driver.  She's never driven a VW before, but "all cars are the same, aren't they?"  So she backs the car into the lake.  They have to crawl out of the car.

Frog spawn:  Back at the flat, Robin and Chrissy are lying on the settee.  He's kissing her neck.

She doesn't want to get carried away without talking.  She says they've known each other some time now, and it's probably not going too far to say he fancies her.  He admits it.  She says it's OK, if he meant what he said about caring.

They're about to kiss, but he realises that she's putting the responsibility on him.  So she has to say, "Don't you dare lay a finger on me or I'll scream."  He says, "Oh, that's better," and they kiss.

The soft music breaks off as Jo and Larry enter, soaked and arguing.  Robin says, "Bad timing, Larry, this is not the moment."

Chrissy gets off the settee.  She says to get those wet clothes off, meaning Jo, not Larry.  Jo says she has frog spawn in her bra.  The girls leave the room.

Robin throws a pillow, twice, in frustration.  He glares at Larry, who then apologises.  Larry leaves.  Robin hits the door with both fists.

Signatures:  The next scene shows a Spiros sign has gone up at the end of the block.  The men are putting up another.  A towing lorry (or whatever they'd call it) brings Larry's car. 

The trio emerge with copies of the petition.  The girls sign.  Robin has Larry sign.

Larry apologises to Robin and then Chrissy.  She says it's all right because "it was him and me against me and I was losing."  Larry tells Robin they can go blind together.  Then he apologises to Jo.

Chrissy knocks at Larry's house.  Mr. Gideon answers and Greek music plays.  Mr. Pluthero is leaving.  Mr. Gideon thanks him for the lovely record.  Mr. Pluthero has his men put up another Spiros sign.

Larry:  Oh, that's nice, isn't it?  I have to find new digs now.  Here, how about if I move in with you?
Robin:  How about you jump back in the lake again?

The girls are going to be late for work.  They'll get more signatures on their lunch hour.

Robin wonders about the lady in #4.  Larry says that's Miss Bird and, if Robin's going in there alone, he'd better keep his legs crossed.

The milkman gives Robin Miss Bird's bottle, since he hasn't got time this morning.  The postman gives Robin Miss Bird's post, since he's a married man. 

Robin rings Miss Bird's bell and she yanks him in.  The camera cuts to the postman, milkman, and Larry, the two nameless men putting their hats over their hearts, as if mourning Robin.

The milkman was played by Johnnie Briggs (usually spelled Johnny), who started appearing in movies back in '48, when he was about 12, and is still working more than 60 years later.  He did four Carry On movies.  The postman, Bill Pertwee, did three Carry Ons, but his most significant role seems to be A.R.P. Warden Hodges on 59 episodes of Dad's Army (1968 to 1977), which I'll return to shortly.

Miss Bird:  Miss Bird is wearing a lacy pink nightdress.  She says she thought Robin was the dustman.  He says he's Robin Tripp from #6 and he wants her to sign a petition.

She tells him the rumours aren't true.  People try to take advantage of her warm nature.  She asks if he'd like to see what she does.  She's a potter, of erotic soup bowls.  She offers him one.

Miss Bird:  I don't know if you're in favour of this permissive society.
Robin:  Yes, but it shouldn't be compulsory.

She says that the needs of men and women are exactly the same.  He says women can switch it on, but men need time, coaxing. 

Robin:  Would you prefer a pencil?
Miss Bird:  No, I wouldn't.

She lowers her nightdress enough to reveal her back and shoulders to the camera.  He escapes with the erotic bowl.

Miss Bird is played by Andria Lawrence, although she usually spelled it Andrea.  Her credits are nearly all from the 1960s and '70s.   She did at least two Hammer horrors, Countess Dracula (1971), as "Ziza, Shepherd's Inn Whore," and Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell (see above), as "Brassy girl."  She also played "Nell Gwyn" in the 1969 miniseries The First Churchills.  So it's fair to say she's typecast here.

As Robin leaves, a Boy Scout comes to the door, asking if there's any job he can do for her.  She asks him to come back next year.  He's played by Mark Rogers, whose acting career seems to have ended six years after this movie.

Larry is now polishing his car. 
Larry:  Did you get it then?
Robin:  Bloody nearly.
He shows Larry the bowl.

Hanging and flogging:  It's the girls' lunch hour and they're trying to get signatures.  Outside a butcher's shop, Chrissy talks about the petition to save Edwardian houses on Myddleton Terrace, but the man she approaches is hard of hearing.  He's credited as "Elderly Man" and played by Arthur Hewlett, then about 67.  His first role was in 1950 and he kept on till 1994, three years before his death.  He played a lot of religious characters, such as the Archbishop of Canterbury on Black Adder.

Jo approaches a woman who's leaving a florist's.  The woman asks if it's anything to do with bringing back hanging and flogging.  When Jo says no, she says, "Couldn't you add something?"  Jo says that might confuse the issue.  I think this is the character called "Tweedy Lady," since she's listed after "Elderly Man."  If so, then she's Annie Leake, who was about 60 at the time of this movie and lived another 32 years.  Ms. Leake seems to have started her screen career late, since her earliest credit is from 1961.  Few of her television programmes crossed the Atlantic.

Don't know:  An older bald man answers the phone in his office.  He turns out to be Mr. Spiros, and he's played by Arthur Lowe, the star of Dad's Army.  According to IMDB, that programme "alternated moments of gentle character comedy with broad slapstick," and his character was the pompous local bank manager turned captain.  He was 58 or 59 at the time of this movie.

Spiros has a good-looking black secretary, played by Pauline Peart.  She was about 22 at the time of this movie and, not only doesn't she have any lines here, but she doesn't seem to have had much of a screen career.  Like so many of the others in this movie, she did a Hammer horror, in her case playing one of several "Vampire Girls" in 1973's The Satanic Rites of Dracula.

Mr. Pluthero is in the office and he keeps trying to talk to Mr. Spiros, but his boss is distracted by the phone.  After Spiros hangs up, Pluthero says he wants to name the new development after himself.  Spiros prefers Nelson House.
Pluthero:  After the sea-faring gentleman?
Spiros:  No, after my wife's basset hound.

We return to Chrissy, who's outside a market, talking to a black mother of two sons.  The family is putting items into a baby carriage.  The woman tells Chrissy to put her down as a "don't know."  Chrissy says the woman doesn't know what the petition's about.  The woman says, "That's what I just said, don't know."  She must be "Housewife," so she's Corinne Skinner (later Corinne Skinner-Carter), who was then a couple years past the mid-point of her nearly fifty-year screen career.  When she was about 70, she did 41 episodes of EastEnders. 

Lucky Luke:  At the flat that evening, Robin cooks in his naughty apron.  The girls come in, talking about the signatures they got.  Jo says she got two Adolf Hitlers.

Robin guilt-trips them for coming home at a quarter to 7.  Instead of being offended, Jo says he's sweet and kisses his cheek.  Chrissy, who's wearing a Lucky Luke jacket, says they'd better watch out, or he'll go home to mother.

When they sit at the kitchen table, Jo says they must be late, since the soup's gone cold.  Robin exclaims, "It's supposed to be cold!"

They need only a couple more signatures to make 1000.  Robin still needs to go to the home on the end, with the poodle.  Jo says he hasn't been back to Miss Bird.  He says there's no way he's going to.  Jo starts to say that Miss Bird couldn't be that bad, and then she sees what's in her soup bowl.

22 years:  Outside, presumably the next day, we see Mildred polishing the car.  She thinks George brought tea out  for her, but it's for himself. 

He still wants to sell the house.  She asks what good money is if you don't have your health.  He says he has got it.  She says, "You won't have, if you sell my house."

She says after 22 years of marriage, all they've got to show for it is the house.  He says it's not his fault.  He went to the clinic and they said it wasn't his fault.  And he'd have liked to have had children.
Mildred:  George, you can't hit the jackpot if you don't put the money in the machine.
George:  I suppose you think Arthur Mulgrove could've done better.

He thinks she's been going on about Arthur.  She says she's mentioned Arthur once in 22 years, and she wouldn't call that going on.  She then says, "Yes, he could've done better, and, no, you're not gonna sell my house.

The trio emerge from the house.  A Spiros sign goes up.  They haven't seen Pluthero lately. 

The girls go to Miss Bird's and see six milk bottles on the stoop.  Pluthero emerges after Miss Bird and says it was a real pleasure.  After he leaves, she tells the girls he's a wonderful man.  They give up on her.

Robin goes to talk to the blonde with the poodle, Hazel Lovett.  She's played by Aimi MacDonald, whose screen career ranges from 1965 to 2008.  Her horror film (I don't think from Hammer) was Old Drac, the year after this movie. 

Hazel hands Robin her dog as she signs.  In her high-pitched voice, she says she doesn't own the house.  It belongs to a gentleman friend.

Celebratory music plays as a Spiros sign goes up at Miss Bird's.  Pluthero yawns, worn out from his night's work.

Jo says they need one more signature to make it to 1000.  Chrissy says there must be someone they know who hasn't signed it yet.  It turns out Robin hasn't.  Mr. Roper calls him stupid and laughs.

Sir Edmund:  Outside the local MP's office, we see signs that say "Sir Edmund Weir:  Man of the People."  Chrissy goes up the steps.

Inside, Sir Edmund strikes a pose like on his poster, with a V for Victory sign.  He's played by Patrick Newell, who appeared in four Sherlock Holmes movies.  He also did 22 episodes of The Avengers.

Chrissy comes in while he's posing.  He stops.  He says he's been in the House.  The Prime Minister was speaking for over an hour.
Chrissy:  What about?
Sir Edmund:  He didn't say.

She says she's one of his constituents and she wants him to accept a petition to save six Edwardian houses from being pulled down for office blocks.  She says he's the President of the Preserve London Society.  He says, "My wife gets me involved with the most extraord--", then breaks off.

She says that 1000 people signed.  When he hears "Myddleton Terrace," he's very surprised.  He says they're charming row houses, and they can't be pulled down.

Saucebox:  We cut to Hazel, carrying the poodle, answering her phone.  Sir Edmund is on the other line.  He calls her Darling, and himself Poopsie.  We have to assume that Chrissy has left the office, although there are no shots to establish this.

Hazel asks if he's coming round tonight.  He can't because it's his wife's birthday.  Hazel has a new gymslip.  According to Wikipedia, this is "a sleeveless tunic with a pleated skirt most commonly seen as part of a girl's school uniform," used for athletic wear.  It seems to have a pornographic connotation, sort of like Catholic schoolgirl uniforms.  It's given a twist here when  Hazel adds that the gymslip is in his size.  He says he'll stop by for just five minutes.

He says she should've told him about the proposed building development.  She says she hasn't seen him for ages and he said never to ring him at home.  He says he'll put a stop to the development. 
Sir Edmund:  They don't like publicity, these development boys.
Hazel:  Why not?  You do.

He says that's different.  He doesn't want to be a back-bencher all his life.  There's no harm in letting the public know the things you do.  She says, "Not all the things you do," and giggles.  He calls her a saucebox.  Then he asks if the gymslip is green or navy blue.

Snigatures:  Later, Mildred reads an article about Sir Edmund's speech condemning the development.  George is clipping his nails.  She tells him to not do it in the lounge.  He'll have somebody's eye out.  He suggests the kitchen, but she says she's got salad on the table.  She calls him a pig.

Upstairs, Jo and Chrissy read aloud bits of articles about the development.  Chrissy's has typos, like "snigatures."  Robin says that must be The Guardian.  (This newspaper was so well known for its typos in the days of hot-metal typesetting that its nickname was The Grauniad.) 

Jo suggests that for their next move they occupy the building, in the '60s protest sense.  Chrissy says they're already occupying it, since they've got a lease.  Jo says that's so much the better, since it would be legal.

Meanwhile, Robin is looking at a Page Three girl, probably in The Sun tabloid.

He asks the girls if they fancy a game of something.  They don't want cards, so he suggests Monopoly, but half the money's missing.  He gets the box and says they could play for something else, meaning Strip Monopoly.  However, Chrissy's granddad taught her to play and she always wins.

Sublet:  Meanwhile, Pluthero visits Sir Edmund's office.  Sir Edmund is cutting up the articles about his speech.  Pluthero says Sir Edmund hasn't spoken out so much in years, not since the purchase tax on gymslips.  Sir Edmund says he'll be speaking out on television tomorrow.

Pluthero points out that Sir Edmund owns one of the Myddleton Terrace properties, #5.  Sir Edmund says it's good to have a house in your own constituency, but he seldom uses it.  Miss Hazel Lovett occupies it.  Pluthero asks if Miss Lovett is a friend of Sir Edmund, or perhaps of "your good lady wife."  Sir Edmund shows the paper dolls he's been making.

Then we see another Spiros sign go up, with that triumphant music.

Silly:  George tells Mildred that the developers got next door.  They have all the houses except the Ropers' now.  That gives the Ropers a strong bargaining position if they were selling, which they're not.

She's going into town to buy a see-through nightie.  That way, if she ever dies a violent death, he'll stand a fair chance of recognising the body.  After she leaves, he says to the budgie, "Silly bitch."

As she goes down the steps, Pluthero watches from his limo across the street.  He goes over to the house when the coast is clear.

George says it's typical of women, they're selfish.  Mildred has never given him anything but the budgie.  Then when he calls the budgie Arthur, he suddenly realises why Mildred chose that name.

But before he can process this, the doorbell for the building rings.  He lets in Pluthero, who says that since George's lady wife is out, they can talk man to man.  George says he was expecting Pluthero, since this is the last house.

Pluthero says he dropped in to apologise about the inconvenience there'll be, with dust, noise, and possibly vermin.  It may reduce the property value.  George says he'll only sell the house for the same price as the others.  Pluthero accepts this.

Then George tells him about the sitting tenants with a three-year lease.  Pluthero says, "Are you suggesting I knock down the bottom half and leave an upper?"  George says no but Pluthero can still buy the house.  Pluthero asks which tenant signed the lease.

A small business matter:  We cut to Chrissy walking down the street.  Pluthero's red Rolls rolls up.  He gets out and cheerfully greets her.  He asks if she's off to lunch.  He can give her a lift or even buy her lunch.  She's suspicious but gets into his car.  He says he'll pay for lunch just for the pleasure of her company.  And there's a small business matter.  She says she knows a very nice little restaurant.

We're about two-thirds in, 56 minutes.  To be continued....