Foundation: One reason this movie seems to be set earlier is that the three-year lease had just expired on "We Shall Not Be Moved," which aired the month before the movie hit theatres. But the main way this movie feels like it takes place before MatH20 is that Larry is still living at Mr. Gideon's, even though he moved out on MatH13. Obviously, movies take longer to shoot than television shows, but you'd think that the writers might've spoken to each other about some of the major developments. Actually, the movie was written by Brian Cooke and Johnnie Mortimer, who wrote the little-screen episodes, and they probably figured that it helped fill out the block if Larry's house was one of the six. For those keeping score at home, we don't know who lives in #1 or #2, the first houses to be sold to Spiros.
The main way the movie feels like it takes place too far in the future is Robin and Chrissy's relationship. You've got the theme song talking about Chrissy's feelings, and she and Robin seem to go further physically than before, unless more happened on "While the Cat's Away" than we were shown. Yes, it's just necking, but it's a start and might've led to more if they hadn't been interrupted. Chrissy's two selves, old-fashioned farm girl and sophisticated city girl, continue to fight each other in the midst of the sexual revolution. (Of course, Chrissy's farm girl side has seen the animals do things, so she's not that innocent.)
As for the ways this seems to be set in a parallel universe, there are many. The first is that there's no audience or laugh track, so the rhythm of the movie feels off. There are some funny lines, like the one about giving children to dogs' charities, but things don't seem to build as well as they do on television. The "pair" exchange during the strip poker game feels like it needs laughter for punctuation.
In place of the laughter, we get music at odd moments, only once explained as being from a record. The music gives a corny, overly old-fashioned touch to the movie, especially when it's soft music for Robin trying to seduce Chrissy.
Also the design of the sets is disorienting, both the placing of the rooms and their decoration, with the clothes not harmonising well, like Jo's pink floral outfit clashing horribly with the purple lounge and a blue lamp or vase.
Tenants: Parallel-Universe Chrissy cooks breakfast, while she never cooks on the show. PU Jo is still a rotten cook though. I like that we see PU Robin at not only school but work. It's also a nice touch to make Larry a waiter. This allows them to help Chrissy get revenge on Pluthero for his greed.
PU Chrissy being a card shark is a definite contradiction of "Three of a Kind." Her probably being good at chess but pretending otherwise is very different behaviour than in MatH19, where she gloated to Jo about beating Robin at chess.
PU Larry is more flirtatious, not only actually asking Jo out, but blowing a kiss to Mrs. Roper. The whole thing with his car is unlike anything on the programme, and seems to be there, one, to open things up a bit and make them more cinematic; two, to give him an opportunity to spend time with Jo while Robin and Chrissy have their alone time; and three, to give the trio a reason to be annoyed with him. The thing is though, I feel sorry for Larry. Yes, he clumsily tries to seduce Jo, but he's a gentleman about it when she says no. Yes, he's a bad driver, but that's no excuse for Jo to take the wheel and then drive them into the lake. And, yes, he interrupted Robin and Chrissy's date, but Jo had to come home sometime, and anyway, they were supposed to be working on the petition and it's not like Robin told Larry to keep Jo out as late as possible. OK, Jo has frog spawn in her bra, but she damaged Larry's car. And then the three of them and Mrs. Roper drive off in his car, without even asking his permission, while he's under the car and could've been injured! Nothing he does in any universe excuses this sort of treatment.
The most important difference for PU Mildred is that her army sergeant is not an American but a Brit who's working in London. There's a strong suggestion that they'll take up with each other again, her "compensation," or at least happily reminisce, with him as her "boarder." With this, the Edmund & Hazel plot, and Pluthero's ambiguous marital status while he's seducing/ being seduced by Miss Bird, the attitude towards adultery in this movie is much more casual than on the show. But then there's a lot more suggested nudity, too, and we never actually see anything.
The thing about the Ropers not having children feels odd because it's never an issue on the show. Helen Roper has a line on the subject that goes something like "We tried and tried again. We would've tried a third time, but Stanley had a headache." Both Mrs. Ropers have maternal streaks, but it's a surprise to find George saying he'd have liked children, since there's nothing in either universe to support this.
Guests: One big difference from the television show is that so much time is spent with guest stars, sometimes even in the absence of the regulars. Most prominent of course are Pluthero, with his boss and chauffeur to talk to when he's not with the residents of Myddleton Terrace, and Sir Edmund, who has that phone conversation with his "friend" Miss Lovett. And Pluthero and Sir Edmund have a scene together, plus the scenes of them on Today. While this allows for satire of business and politics (and possibly both in the case of Spiros, if his last name is a reference to Agnew), it takes time away from the focus on the trio and their friends. Even the RCST gets pushed aside for much of the movie, until it suddenly comes back in the last few minutes. In a way, we seem invited to empathise with Pluthero, considering how the music celebrates when a Spiros sign goes up and mourns when one goes down. And you could almost feel sorry for him at different points, if only his whole life weren't built on greed and deception.
The "celebrity cameos" feel pointless, even if they're meant to add colour to the studio scenes. It's not just because I'm a Gen-X American that I can't go all fangirl over the likes of Smethurst and Walker, or even Milligan. It's interesting that they're in the movie, but no more so than it's interesting that Norman Mitchell is in it, and at least his character has a pay-off. Only Scooby-Doo ever really got away with the whole "OMG, it's C-List Celebrity!" thing.
It is ironic that Smethurst and Walker's show was called "Love Thy Neighbour," since both of the trio's female neighbours are presented sexually, one a mistress and the other a nymphomaniac who even scares randy Robin. It's interesting that Mildred is immediately if unjustifiably jealous of Hazel, while George takes awhile to work up jealousy towards Arthur.
Long-term: The Ropers having been married 22 years is jumping the gun a bit, since they celebrated their 20th on MatH7, which aired 15 months before the movie came out. And, yes, it does feel off that George and Mildred met during WWII, but didn't get married till '52 or '53, but that's a problem in both universes.
It probably says something about Britain and/or the '70s that it's less of a big deal for Larry to offer Jo pot than to try to seduce her, although no doubt the pot was going to be part of the seduction. While there are pot jokes on the show, it's only in the parallel universe that two regular characters can have tried it before. The shadow of the '60s definitely hangs over this movie, with Jo wanting them to occupy the building, and Robin trying to pass himself off as a freaked-out hippie vicar. The activism of the trio, Chrissy in particular, with her speech-making, feels like sanitised '60s idealism, since being anti-development is less controversial than being anti-war.
Assessment: The movie is definitely worth watching for a MatH completist. It's uneven but probably better than the worst of the programme, like "Match of the Day" and "Three of a Kind." It's at least more memorable.
Showing posts with label movie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movie. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
The Movie, Part Three
Naive young girl: The restaurant that Chrissy is thinking of is of course the one where Robin works. And we see that both the kitchen and cook are now clean, under his influence. He tests one of the dishes, and the cook suggests a touch more nutmeg, if Robin thinks it's all right. The cook goes to wash his hands, since he's been touching the flour.
We see Chrissy and Pluthero sitting in a booth, and then Larry tells Robin. Pluthero offers Chrissy 200. She says she's a naive young girl.
Pluthero: I wouldn't say that.
Chrissy: But it's what you were thinking.
She says she owes loyalty to the other people in the flat.
The cook and Larry are spying on them. The cook asks if that's the fellow they were telling him about. Larry says yes, because of Pluthero he has to look for a new pad (as in home).
Chrissy excuses herself from the table and goes in the kitchen. She tells Robin that Pluthero is "bribing me into throwing you and Jo out into the street." When she returns to the table, she says she changed her mind, getting Pluthero's hopes up. But she's decided to start with the beluga caviar instead. She orders from Larry and they act like they don't know each other.
Robin puts "a bit too much" black pepper on the Steak Diane. Larry and the cook egg him on.
Pluthero says that his mother wanted him to be a concert cellist but he didn't have the knees for it, so he went into property management instead. Chrissy says he went from one big fiddle to another (in the sense of fraud). He says, "Very good, yes, ha ha."
Larry, just for the hell of it, puts on a bad French accent.
Pluthero notices that the salad has an unusual flavour, exotic.
Castor oil: Robin drinks some brandy and passes it to Larry, who swigs it down. Robin puts castor oil in Pluthero's meal. Larry drinks some more brandy. Then Robin adds Epsom salt. He, Larry, and the cook are all laughing.
Chrissy says Pluthero is only doing his job, being underhand and sneaky. He says he could go up to 400. She says her answer would still be no. He thinks the sauce is very rich and piquant.
Robin worries both that he put in too much castor oil and that nothing seems to be happening. (Like castor oil, Epsom salt can be used as a laxative.) The cook says, "That's what they said about Krakatoa." Larry goes out there and takes the plates away.
Chrissy says Pluthero could stop the development. He wonders if her coffee tastes all right. He's about to make one final offer, but he has to excuse himself to the restroom. Meanwhile the chauffeur answers a call on the car phone.
Pluthero returns to the table and doesn't look well. She says he was about to make the final offer and she was about to refuse. Outside the D. Gabriel something Pub/Trattoria, the chauffeur goes up the steps and hands a written message to a waiter who's not Larry. That waiter gives the message to Pluthero, who reads it and says, "Right away?"
Sincere gesture: We return to Spiros's office, with the silent black secretary and all. Pluthero apologises for being late, but he had to stop off once or twice on the way. He says he's got almost all the houses. There's a small problem with sitting tenants at #6.
Spiros: Communists?
Pluthero: Worse. Idealists.
Spiros says that public relations says that they're not getting good press. He holds up some clippings, probably the articles that the residents of #6 have been reading.
Pluthero, still having internal disturbance, wants to leave, but Spiros tells him to sit down. Spiros is worried this bad PR may affect his knighthood. The phone rings, but Spiros still won't let Pluthero go. The secretary leaves with papers Spiros has been signing.
Spiros says that the GLC (I think the Greater London Council) will grant a preservation order at their next meeting. He tells the person on the phone, "He's here with me now. I haven't told him."
After he hangs up, he smiles and goes over to Pluthero. He says he's been asked to appear on television to defend the project, but he's not going to do it, Pluthero will. He wants Pluthero to tell them the project has been cancelled. It will be a sincere gesture to public opinion. And it's because a certain incompetent was unable to get all six houses before the preservation order.
Pluthero asks, "What if I get all six?" Spiros says the program is at six o'clock, so he has till then.
Spiros wants him to mention how he (Spiros) gives to children's charities. "No, make it dogs." Pluthero dashes into Spiros's private washroom.
We cut to an exterior of a skyscraper as we hear a toilet flush. Then we pan down to the street. Pluthero exits, looking worn out. He gets in the car. He starts to give his destination as Thames Television, Euston Road, then changes it to Myddleton Terrace, #6.
Poor little husbands: We next see Pluthero being let into the building by Mr. Roper. He wants to use the washroom.
While Pluthero's busy with that, George is about to sign the agreement, but Mildred comes home from shopping. She enjoyed having men pressed up against her on the Tube. He says that was "very nice, I'm sure." She got the see-through nightie. She says it'll send his blood pressure up, just from looking at the price tag.
Then she sees the agreement. Pluthero comes in from the washroom. Mildred is very angry.
The girls are in the entryway. Chrissy says she was holding out for 500 but Pluthero left. The Ropers exit from the flat, Mildred yelling at Pluthero for "bullying my poor little husband." But Pluthero claims to be a husband himself, and now that he's had to cancel the project, "think of my wife and kids." He shows a family picture. The women don't buy it.
Pluthero goes down the steps and back to the limo. He tells the chauffeur, "You can have your photograph back, Jenkins."
Robin comes home with groceries. He asks Pluthero how he feels. Pluthero ignores him and tells the chauffeur to take him to Thames Television, Euston Road.
Pluthero says, "You keep your ear to the ground, Jenkins. You know who's on the way up, and who's on the way out." Jenkins puts up the glass divider. Jenkins is played by Bill Sawyer, who has only six credits on IMDB, and he just doesn't look old enough to have done two shorts in 1929 and '30. He probably is the same Bill Sawyer who played a taxi driver and a lorry driver in other movies. He also has an uncredited role as a Puritan in the Hammer horror Twins of Evil.
Celebratory drinks: At the Ropers' later, Mildred is happy. Today is going to be on at six o'clock. She gets the sherry out.
In the kitchen upstairs, Chrissy and Robin are having drinks to celebrate. The doorbell rings and Jo answers it. Mildred has come to invite them down for drinks, but Robin offers her a drink.
Downstairs though, Mr. Roper smoothes out the agreement. He says, "All that money." Upstairs, everyone is laughing and drinking. They believe that this shows that "ordinary men and women can do things." Ordinary man George Roper signs the agreement.
With the redesign of the entryway, we get the trio and Mildred going down the stairs and into the flat through one door, while George sneaks out the other door.
He has trouble starting his car. His wife sees him from the window. And then she sees his signed copy of the agreement.
Slightly goofy music plays as George drives off, with Mildred and the trio running outside, his wife yelling. They see the Thames Studio address mixed in with the agreement papers and Robin says, "This is where Pluthero's gone."
The four of them go over to Larry's car, with the keys left in it.
Jo: Should we ask him first?
Robin: Oh, I'm sure he won't mind.
They drive off, revealing that Larry was lying under the car. He cries, "Oi!"
Thames Television Studio: We see George pull up to the studio, parking next to Pluthero's Rolls. He gets out of his car.
In the lobby, a doorman is on the phone. George goes up to him, so he rings off. George says he's got to see a man, and the man's Rolls is outside. The doorman asks if he has a ticket. Since George doesn't, the doorman throws him out. George says he pays his (television) licence, which is probably a lie rather a parallel-universe truth.
Meanwhile, Pluthero is being made up. Sir Edmund comes in.
We next see George sneaking onto the studio lot on the back on a flat-bed lorry. He falls off holding a donkey piñata.
Larry's car pulls up and everyone gets out. Apparently parking is no problem in London.
Miss World: The doorman stops the four of them in the lobby. Robin claims to be a freaked-out hippie vicar who'll be interviewing Miss World. Chrissy says, "I'm interested in travel and meeting people. And religion." Direct Jo asks where they're filming the Today programme.
The doorman asks for their tickets. Mildred says she wants to catch her husband. But then she recognises the guard as Arthur Mulgrove! He recognises her as Mildred Asquith. The trio sneak out.
Oddly enough, he's not listed by name in the credits, just "Doorman." The actor, Norman Mitchell, was about 55 at the time of this movie and somehow had roles two years after his death in 2001. He often played policeman, as in the aforementioned Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell. He'd go on to four appearances on George & Mildred, although probably not as another of Mildred's exes.
As himself: Meanwhile, George encounters Spike Milligan as himself. Milligan acts completely mad, as usual. He was best known for the radio programme The Goon Show. When George tries to find Today, he riffs on that.
Back in the lobby, Arthur says he kept Mildred's photograph. She says she named her budgie for him. She would've replied to his letters, but he never wrote any. He says he didn't want his feelings going through the Army censor.
She says she took up with a butcher's boy.
Arthur: Did anything come of that?
Mildred: Nothing at all. I married him.
(This is consistent with MatH13, where George said he worked for a butcher when he was young.)
On the set of Today, the interviewer comes over. Sir Edmund hopes that it's This Is Your Life, but the large red book is the programme's script. Today was a real show, and Bill Grundy is playing himself, although credited as "Interviewer." He was suspended two years after this movie because of a profanity-filled interview with the Sex Pistols. The programme was cancelled two months later and his career was ruined. The interview with Pluthero and Weir will go a bit more smoothly.
Love Thy Neighbour: The trio meet Spike Milligan, Jo particularly amused by him.
Then George meets Jack Smethurst and Rudolph Walker, the stars of Love Thy Neighbour, a very popular sitcom about two families, one white, one black, living next door to each other. They're talking about who will win in the end, white or black, but they mean chess. When George uses LTN's slur for Walker's character, "nig-nog," Smethurst says, "Don't talk to my friend like that!" George says Smethurst does, on the telly. Walker says Smethurst gets paid for it. George says Walker is just as bad, calling Smethurst white honky and snowflake. After George leaves, Walker says, "I think I fancy a white lady," meaning the cocktail.
Meanwhile, the producer of Today scolds the camera man for acting like a "tit man" as he scans the crowd. The producer is played by Julian Orchard, who probably worked with a lot of tit men, since he did four Carry On movies. His P.A. (production assistant) is played by Berry Cornish, who has only three other screen credits, all of them sounding as minor as this non-speaking role. She should get the award for the most obscure performer in this movie, outdoing the secretary, the Boy Scout, and even the chauffeur.
Second Doorman: A second doorman stands outside the studio for Today. He's played by Michael Robbins, whose most significant role seems to have been as Arthur Rudge on 61 episodes of On the Buses. He asks George if he's invited. When George says yes, he lets him go in. Then he smokes.
Meanwhile, Sir Edmund says to Pluthero that he trusts Pluthero won't say a word about Hazel, Miss Lovett. "I wouldn't want the world to know I've been keeping a young lady in #5." The producer says, "No, you wouldn't, would you?"
The title card for Today has very '70s lettering, that "futuristic" style, a little like this:
Grundy says that they're going to devote the whole evening to the "Myddleton Terrace controversy."
The second doorman tells the trio that he's not allowed to let them in, presumably because filming has started. Then he says he's not allowed to smoke on duty either, or accept gratuities. Robin puts something in the doorman's pocket. He lets them in, then finds the tip is some kind of washer.
Poppet: George tries to signal to Pluthero. Grundy reads from a press cutting where Sir Edmund said that they'll fight them on the planning committees, on the local councils, and never surrender. (On MatH, Robin had already referenced the Churchill speech.) But Sir Edmund no longer stands by that statement. And when Grundy asks Pluthero if the development is socially necessary, he says no.
The trio see Roper, as Grundy tries to understand the switched positions of his guests. Mr. Roper sets the signed agreement on the table. The producer says, "Fred, be a poppet, and get him out, will you?" Mr. Roper is yanked away. Jo says, "He's got the agreement," meaning Pluthero.
Pluthero says that agreement was "arrived at by five of the householders, including--" Then Sir Edmund coughs. "But my superior, Mr. Spiros, who has given several children to dogs' charities, anonymously of course...." Spiros is watching in disgust on his very mod-looking television. Pluthero continues to misspeak, saying that Spiros is also anxious about his knighthood.
Pluthero accidentally tears up Roper's agreement. The trio gloat at Roper. Then Pluthero realises what he's done.
Compensation: A funeral dirge plays as the Spiros signs go down and into a lorry. Robin and Chrissy watch from the window. She says it's a lovely sight.
They turn around, Robin's arm around her as they step away from the window. He asks if she's ever played chess. She says her grandmother taught her.
Jo comes in wearing a blinding pink floral outfit. Robin says everyone is getting compensation. Jo says except for the Ropers. Chrissy says, "Oh, I don't know. I think Mrs. Roper might be getting some."
Downstairs, Mrs. Roper looks out the window. A cab pulls up. She wants George to get the luggage, but he says, "Stuff his luggage." Arthur is here, and he's going to be their lodger. She greets him in her pink dressing gown. She says, "Come inside. George is just dying to see you." He says, "You're looking lovely." George mockingly repeats this. Arthur-the-budgie says, "Thank you." George is surprised, since this seems to be the first time the budgie has ever said anything.
Back upstairs, Jo has left the room, and Chrissy now says she was thinking of another game, and she can't play chess after all. Robin takes out a set. We learn the value of the pieces. Pawn = pair of tights. Bishop = skirt. Queen = "well, we'll sort that out." He says the whole object of the game is to try to mate. He puts his arm around her. She looks amused, skeptical, and intrigued.
Closing: We see the exterior of the row of houses. A version of the theme song plays as the credits roll. The worst rhyme this time is "must rearrange things/ not to estrange him." And the singer asks the musical question, "With all the little things we shared and said/ Right from the start/ How can I tell him what's here in my heart?"
We learn that this movie was made at Elstree Studio, Hertfordshire, England, which I assume means the peculiar interiors, and not the shots of the Thames Studio and other London locations.
We see Chrissy and Pluthero sitting in a booth, and then Larry tells Robin. Pluthero offers Chrissy 200. She says she's a naive young girl.
Pluthero: I wouldn't say that.
Chrissy: But it's what you were thinking.
She says she owes loyalty to the other people in the flat.
The cook and Larry are spying on them. The cook asks if that's the fellow they were telling him about. Larry says yes, because of Pluthero he has to look for a new pad (as in home).
Chrissy excuses herself from the table and goes in the kitchen. She tells Robin that Pluthero is "bribing me into throwing you and Jo out into the street." When she returns to the table, she says she changed her mind, getting Pluthero's hopes up. But she's decided to start with the beluga caviar instead. She orders from Larry and they act like they don't know each other.
Robin puts "a bit too much" black pepper on the Steak Diane. Larry and the cook egg him on.
Pluthero says that his mother wanted him to be a concert cellist but he didn't have the knees for it, so he went into property management instead. Chrissy says he went from one big fiddle to another (in the sense of fraud). He says, "Very good, yes, ha ha."
Larry, just for the hell of it, puts on a bad French accent.
Pluthero notices that the salad has an unusual flavour, exotic.
Castor oil: Robin drinks some brandy and passes it to Larry, who swigs it down. Robin puts castor oil in Pluthero's meal. Larry drinks some more brandy. Then Robin adds Epsom salt. He, Larry, and the cook are all laughing.
Chrissy says Pluthero is only doing his job, being underhand and sneaky. He says he could go up to 400. She says her answer would still be no. He thinks the sauce is very rich and piquant.
Robin worries both that he put in too much castor oil and that nothing seems to be happening. (Like castor oil, Epsom salt can be used as a laxative.) The cook says, "That's what they said about Krakatoa." Larry goes out there and takes the plates away.
Chrissy says Pluthero could stop the development. He wonders if her coffee tastes all right. He's about to make one final offer, but he has to excuse himself to the restroom. Meanwhile the chauffeur answers a call on the car phone.
Pluthero returns to the table and doesn't look well. She says he was about to make the final offer and she was about to refuse. Outside the D. Gabriel something Pub/Trattoria, the chauffeur goes up the steps and hands a written message to a waiter who's not Larry. That waiter gives the message to Pluthero, who reads it and says, "Right away?"
Sincere gesture: We return to Spiros's office, with the silent black secretary and all. Pluthero apologises for being late, but he had to stop off once or twice on the way. He says he's got almost all the houses. There's a small problem with sitting tenants at #6.
Spiros: Communists?
Pluthero: Worse. Idealists.
Spiros says that public relations says that they're not getting good press. He holds up some clippings, probably the articles that the residents of #6 have been reading.
Pluthero, still having internal disturbance, wants to leave, but Spiros tells him to sit down. Spiros is worried this bad PR may affect his knighthood. The phone rings, but Spiros still won't let Pluthero go. The secretary leaves with papers Spiros has been signing.
Spiros says that the GLC (I think the Greater London Council) will grant a preservation order at their next meeting. He tells the person on the phone, "He's here with me now. I haven't told him."
After he hangs up, he smiles and goes over to Pluthero. He says he's been asked to appear on television to defend the project, but he's not going to do it, Pluthero will. He wants Pluthero to tell them the project has been cancelled. It will be a sincere gesture to public opinion. And it's because a certain incompetent was unable to get all six houses before the preservation order.
Pluthero asks, "What if I get all six?" Spiros says the program is at six o'clock, so he has till then.
Spiros wants him to mention how he (Spiros) gives to children's charities. "No, make it dogs." Pluthero dashes into Spiros's private washroom.
We cut to an exterior of a skyscraper as we hear a toilet flush. Then we pan down to the street. Pluthero exits, looking worn out. He gets in the car. He starts to give his destination as Thames Television, Euston Road, then changes it to Myddleton Terrace, #6.
Poor little husbands: We next see Pluthero being let into the building by Mr. Roper. He wants to use the washroom.
While Pluthero's busy with that, George is about to sign the agreement, but Mildred comes home from shopping. She enjoyed having men pressed up against her on the Tube. He says that was "very nice, I'm sure." She got the see-through nightie. She says it'll send his blood pressure up, just from looking at the price tag.
Then she sees the agreement. Pluthero comes in from the washroom. Mildred is very angry.
The girls are in the entryway. Chrissy says she was holding out for 500 but Pluthero left. The Ropers exit from the flat, Mildred yelling at Pluthero for "bullying my poor little husband." But Pluthero claims to be a husband himself, and now that he's had to cancel the project, "think of my wife and kids." He shows a family picture. The women don't buy it.
Pluthero goes down the steps and back to the limo. He tells the chauffeur, "You can have your photograph back, Jenkins."
Robin comes home with groceries. He asks Pluthero how he feels. Pluthero ignores him and tells the chauffeur to take him to Thames Television, Euston Road.
Pluthero says, "You keep your ear to the ground, Jenkins. You know who's on the way up, and who's on the way out." Jenkins puts up the glass divider. Jenkins is played by Bill Sawyer, who has only six credits on IMDB, and he just doesn't look old enough to have done two shorts in 1929 and '30. He probably is the same Bill Sawyer who played a taxi driver and a lorry driver in other movies. He also has an uncredited role as a Puritan in the Hammer horror Twins of Evil.
Celebratory drinks: At the Ropers' later, Mildred is happy. Today is going to be on at six o'clock. She gets the sherry out.
In the kitchen upstairs, Chrissy and Robin are having drinks to celebrate. The doorbell rings and Jo answers it. Mildred has come to invite them down for drinks, but Robin offers her a drink.
Downstairs though, Mr. Roper smoothes out the agreement. He says, "All that money." Upstairs, everyone is laughing and drinking. They believe that this shows that "ordinary men and women can do things." Ordinary man George Roper signs the agreement.
With the redesign of the entryway, we get the trio and Mildred going down the stairs and into the flat through one door, while George sneaks out the other door.
He has trouble starting his car. His wife sees him from the window. And then she sees his signed copy of the agreement.
Slightly goofy music plays as George drives off, with Mildred and the trio running outside, his wife yelling. They see the Thames Studio address mixed in with the agreement papers and Robin says, "This is where Pluthero's gone."
The four of them go over to Larry's car, with the keys left in it.
Jo: Should we ask him first?
Robin: Oh, I'm sure he won't mind.
They drive off, revealing that Larry was lying under the car. He cries, "Oi!"
Thames Television Studio: We see George pull up to the studio, parking next to Pluthero's Rolls. He gets out of his car.
In the lobby, a doorman is on the phone. George goes up to him, so he rings off. George says he's got to see a man, and the man's Rolls is outside. The doorman asks if he has a ticket. Since George doesn't, the doorman throws him out. George says he pays his (television) licence, which is probably a lie rather a parallel-universe truth.
Meanwhile, Pluthero is being made up. Sir Edmund comes in.
We next see George sneaking onto the studio lot on the back on a flat-bed lorry. He falls off holding a donkey piñata.
Larry's car pulls up and everyone gets out. Apparently parking is no problem in London.
Miss World: The doorman stops the four of them in the lobby. Robin claims to be a freaked-out hippie vicar who'll be interviewing Miss World. Chrissy says, "I'm interested in travel and meeting people. And religion." Direct Jo asks where they're filming the Today programme.
The doorman asks for their tickets. Mildred says she wants to catch her husband. But then she recognises the guard as Arthur Mulgrove! He recognises her as Mildred Asquith. The trio sneak out.
Oddly enough, he's not listed by name in the credits, just "Doorman." The actor, Norman Mitchell, was about 55 at the time of this movie and somehow had roles two years after his death in 2001. He often played policeman, as in the aforementioned Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell. He'd go on to four appearances on George & Mildred, although probably not as another of Mildred's exes.
As himself: Meanwhile, George encounters Spike Milligan as himself. Milligan acts completely mad, as usual. He was best known for the radio programme The Goon Show. When George tries to find Today, he riffs on that.
Back in the lobby, Arthur says he kept Mildred's photograph. She says she named her budgie for him. She would've replied to his letters, but he never wrote any. He says he didn't want his feelings going through the Army censor.
She says she took up with a butcher's boy.
Arthur: Did anything come of that?
Mildred: Nothing at all. I married him.
(This is consistent with MatH13, where George said he worked for a butcher when he was young.)
On the set of Today, the interviewer comes over. Sir Edmund hopes that it's This Is Your Life, but the large red book is the programme's script. Today was a real show, and Bill Grundy is playing himself, although credited as "Interviewer." He was suspended two years after this movie because of a profanity-filled interview with the Sex Pistols. The programme was cancelled two months later and his career was ruined. The interview with Pluthero and Weir will go a bit more smoothly.
Love Thy Neighbour: The trio meet Spike Milligan, Jo particularly amused by him.
Then George meets Jack Smethurst and Rudolph Walker, the stars of Love Thy Neighbour, a very popular sitcom about two families, one white, one black, living next door to each other. They're talking about who will win in the end, white or black, but they mean chess. When George uses LTN's slur for Walker's character, "nig-nog," Smethurst says, "Don't talk to my friend like that!" George says Smethurst does, on the telly. Walker says Smethurst gets paid for it. George says Walker is just as bad, calling Smethurst white honky and snowflake. After George leaves, Walker says, "I think I fancy a white lady," meaning the cocktail.
Meanwhile, the producer of Today scolds the camera man for acting like a "tit man" as he scans the crowd. The producer is played by Julian Orchard, who probably worked with a lot of tit men, since he did four Carry On movies. His P.A. (production assistant) is played by Berry Cornish, who has only three other screen credits, all of them sounding as minor as this non-speaking role. She should get the award for the most obscure performer in this movie, outdoing the secretary, the Boy Scout, and even the chauffeur.
Second Doorman: A second doorman stands outside the studio for Today. He's played by Michael Robbins, whose most significant role seems to have been as Arthur Rudge on 61 episodes of On the Buses. He asks George if he's invited. When George says yes, he lets him go in. Then he smokes.
Meanwhile, Sir Edmund says to Pluthero that he trusts Pluthero won't say a word about Hazel, Miss Lovett. "I wouldn't want the world to know I've been keeping a young lady in #5." The producer says, "No, you wouldn't, would you?"
The title card for Today has very '70s lettering, that "futuristic" style, a little like this:
Grundy says that they're going to devote the whole evening to the "Myddleton Terrace controversy."
The second doorman tells the trio that he's not allowed to let them in, presumably because filming has started. Then he says he's not allowed to smoke on duty either, or accept gratuities. Robin puts something in the doorman's pocket. He lets them in, then finds the tip is some kind of washer.
Poppet: George tries to signal to Pluthero. Grundy reads from a press cutting where Sir Edmund said that they'll fight them on the planning committees, on the local councils, and never surrender. (On MatH, Robin had already referenced the Churchill speech.) But Sir Edmund no longer stands by that statement. And when Grundy asks Pluthero if the development is socially necessary, he says no.
The trio see Roper, as Grundy tries to understand the switched positions of his guests. Mr. Roper sets the signed agreement on the table. The producer says, "Fred, be a poppet, and get him out, will you?" Mr. Roper is yanked away. Jo says, "He's got the agreement," meaning Pluthero.
Pluthero says that agreement was "arrived at by five of the householders, including--" Then Sir Edmund coughs. "But my superior, Mr. Spiros, who has given several children to dogs' charities, anonymously of course...." Spiros is watching in disgust on his very mod-looking television. Pluthero continues to misspeak, saying that Spiros is also anxious about his knighthood.
Pluthero accidentally tears up Roper's agreement. The trio gloat at Roper. Then Pluthero realises what he's done.
Compensation: A funeral dirge plays as the Spiros signs go down and into a lorry. Robin and Chrissy watch from the window. She says it's a lovely sight.
They turn around, Robin's arm around her as they step away from the window. He asks if she's ever played chess. She says her grandmother taught her.
Jo comes in wearing a blinding pink floral outfit. Robin says everyone is getting compensation. Jo says except for the Ropers. Chrissy says, "Oh, I don't know. I think Mrs. Roper might be getting some."
Downstairs, Mrs. Roper looks out the window. A cab pulls up. She wants George to get the luggage, but he says, "Stuff his luggage." Arthur is here, and he's going to be their lodger. She greets him in her pink dressing gown. She says, "Come inside. George is just dying to see you." He says, "You're looking lovely." George mockingly repeats this. Arthur-the-budgie says, "Thank you." George is surprised, since this seems to be the first time the budgie has ever said anything.
Back upstairs, Jo has left the room, and Chrissy now says she was thinking of another game, and she can't play chess after all. Robin takes out a set. We learn the value of the pieces. Pawn = pair of tights. Bishop = skirt. Queen = "well, we'll sort that out." He says the whole object of the game is to try to mate. He puts his arm around her. She looks amused, skeptical, and intrigued.
Closing: We see the exterior of the row of houses. A version of the theme song plays as the credits roll. The worst rhyme this time is "must rearrange things/ not to estrange him." And the singer asks the musical question, "With all the little things we shared and said/ Right from the start/ How can I tell him what's here in my heart?"
We learn that this movie was made at Elstree Studio, Hertfordshire, England, which I assume means the peculiar interiors, and not the shots of the Thames Studio and other London locations.
Friday, May 6, 2011
The Movie, Part Two
Getting it together: Chrissy is typing the petition. Robin pour drinks. He puts his arms around her. Soft music starts.
Robin: Can't you finish this later, when Jo gets back?
Chrissy: I thought the idea was to get on with it before she gets back.
Robin: Come on, let's stop messing about.
Chrissy: I second that.
He has her sit back and gets them the drinks.
Robin: You can't hold out forever.
Chrissy: What makes you think I have?
Robin: Oh, I don't.
Chrissy: Oh, don't you?
And then when he tries to say he does think she's held out, she says, "Oh, do you?"
She's says it's all right for him. Men can just turn it on. A girl needs time, coaxing, chatting up. He says he can't chat her up. "How can you chat up someone you care for? Someone you have a deep, emotional feeling for. How am I doing?"
Vinegar and chip fat: Meanwhile, in Larry's car....
Jo: Honestly, Larry, I really don't feel like it.
Larry: Oh, come on, Jo, you will enjoy it.
Jo: But I don't like pot.
He says it's nice here, the atmosphere. She says, "Yes, vinegar and chip fat."
He says he has a little confession to make: he was born a girl. Ever since the operation, he hasn't had a chance to find out if it works. So, "in the interest of medical science." She gives him "full marks for originality."
Jo: Has anyone ever told you you're terribly attractive, and have a wonderful way with women.
Larry: (flattered) No, no, they haven't.
Jo: (amused) Then where'd you get the idea from?
She wants him to take her home, and offers to make coffee there. He worries about his reputation. She says she won't tell anyone he didn't score. She'll even recommend him to her friends. He's flattered. She says that's a better technique, pathos.
She wants to drive the car because he's a mad driver. She's never driven a VW before, but "all cars are the same, aren't they?" So she backs the car into the lake. They have to crawl out of the car.
Frog spawn: Back at the flat, Robin and Chrissy are lying on the settee. He's kissing her neck.
She doesn't want to get carried away without talking. She says they've known each other some time now, and it's probably not going too far to say he fancies her. He admits it. She says it's OK, if he meant what he said about caring.
They're about to kiss, but he realises that she's putting the responsibility on him. So she has to say, "Don't you dare lay a finger on me or I'll scream." He says, "Oh, that's better," and they kiss.
The soft music breaks off as Jo and Larry enter, soaked and arguing. Robin says, "Bad timing, Larry, this is not the moment."
Chrissy gets off the settee. She says to get those wet clothes off, meaning Jo, not Larry. Jo says she has frog spawn in her bra. The girls leave the room.
Robin throws a pillow, twice, in frustration. He glares at Larry, who then apologises. Larry leaves. Robin hits the door with both fists.
Signatures: The next scene shows a Spiros sign has gone up at the end of the block. The men are putting up another. A towing lorry (or whatever they'd call it) brings Larry's car.
The trio emerge with copies of the petition. The girls sign. Robin has Larry sign.
Larry apologises to Robin and then Chrissy. She says it's all right because "it was him and me against me and I was losing." Larry tells Robin they can go blind together. Then he apologises to Jo.
Chrissy knocks at Larry's house. Mr. Gideon answers and Greek music plays. Mr. Pluthero is leaving. Mr. Gideon thanks him for the lovely record. Mr. Pluthero has his men put up another Spiros sign.
Larry: Oh, that's nice, isn't it? I have to find new digs now. Here, how about if I move in with you?
Robin: How about you jump back in the lake again?
The girls are going to be late for work. They'll get more signatures on their lunch hour.
Robin wonders about the lady in #4. Larry says that's Miss Bird and, if Robin's going in there alone, he'd better keep his legs crossed.
The milkman gives Robin Miss Bird's bottle, since he hasn't got time this morning. The postman gives Robin Miss Bird's post, since he's a married man.
Robin rings Miss Bird's bell and she yanks him in. The camera cuts to the postman, milkman, and Larry, the two nameless men putting their hats over their hearts, as if mourning Robin.
The milkman was played by Johnnie Briggs (usually spelled Johnny), who started appearing in movies back in '48, when he was about 12, and is still working more than 60 years later. He did four Carry On movies. The postman, Bill Pertwee, did three Carry Ons, but his most significant role seems to be A.R.P. Warden Hodges on 59 episodes of Dad's Army (1968 to 1977), which I'll return to shortly.
Miss Bird: Miss Bird is wearing a lacy pink nightdress. She says she thought Robin was the dustman. He says he's Robin Tripp from #6 and he wants her to sign a petition.
She tells him the rumours aren't true. People try to take advantage of her warm nature. She asks if he'd like to see what she does. She's a potter, of erotic soup bowls. She offers him one.
Miss Bird: I don't know if you're in favour of this permissive society.
Robin: Yes, but it shouldn't be compulsory.
She says that the needs of men and women are exactly the same. He says women can switch it on, but men need time, coaxing.
Robin: Would you prefer a pencil?
Miss Bird: No, I wouldn't.
She lowers her nightdress enough to reveal her back and shoulders to the camera. He escapes with the erotic bowl.
Miss Bird is played by Andria Lawrence, although she usually spelled it Andrea. Her credits are nearly all from the 1960s and '70s. She did at least two Hammer horrors, Countess Dracula (1971), as "Ziza, Shepherd's Inn Whore," and Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell (see above), as "Brassy girl." She also played "Nell Gwyn" in the 1969 miniseries The First Churchills. So it's fair to say she's typecast here.
As Robin leaves, a Boy Scout comes to the door, asking if there's any job he can do for her. She asks him to come back next year. He's played by Mark Rogers, whose acting career seems to have ended six years after this movie.
Larry is now polishing his car.
Larry: Did you get it then?
Robin: Bloody nearly.
He shows Larry the bowl.
Hanging and flogging: It's the girls' lunch hour and they're trying to get signatures. Outside a butcher's shop, Chrissy talks about the petition to save Edwardian houses on Myddleton Terrace, but the man she approaches is hard of hearing. He's credited as "Elderly Man" and played by Arthur Hewlett, then about 67. His first role was in 1950 and he kept on till 1994, three years before his death. He played a lot of religious characters, such as the Archbishop of Canterbury on Black Adder.
Jo approaches a woman who's leaving a florist's. The woman asks if it's anything to do with bringing back hanging and flogging. When Jo says no, she says, "Couldn't you add something?" Jo says that might confuse the issue. I think this is the character called "Tweedy Lady," since she's listed after "Elderly Man." If so, then she's Annie Leake, who was about 60 at the time of this movie and lived another 32 years. Ms. Leake seems to have started her screen career late, since her earliest credit is from 1961. Few of her television programmes crossed the Atlantic.
Don't know: An older bald man answers the phone in his office. He turns out to be Mr. Spiros, and he's played by Arthur Lowe, the star of Dad's Army. According to IMDB, that programme "alternated moments of gentle character comedy with broad slapstick," and his character was the pompous local bank manager turned captain. He was 58 or 59 at the time of this movie.
Spiros has a good-looking black secretary, played by Pauline Peart. She was about 22 at the time of this movie and, not only doesn't she have any lines here, but she doesn't seem to have had much of a screen career. Like so many of the others in this movie, she did a Hammer horror, in her case playing one of several "Vampire Girls" in 1973's The Satanic Rites of Dracula.
Mr. Pluthero is in the office and he keeps trying to talk to Mr. Spiros, but his boss is distracted by the phone. After Spiros hangs up, Pluthero says he wants to name the new development after himself. Spiros prefers Nelson House.
Pluthero: After the sea-faring gentleman?
Spiros: No, after my wife's basset hound.
We return to Chrissy, who's outside a market, talking to a black mother of two sons. The family is putting items into a baby carriage. The woman tells Chrissy to put her down as a "don't know." Chrissy says the woman doesn't know what the petition's about. The woman says, "That's what I just said, don't know." She must be "Housewife," so she's Corinne Skinner (later Corinne Skinner-Carter), who was then a couple years past the mid-point of her nearly fifty-year screen career. When she was about 70, she did 41 episodes of EastEnders.
Lucky Luke: At the flat that evening, Robin cooks in his naughty apron. The girls come in, talking about the signatures they got. Jo says she got two Adolf Hitlers.
Robin guilt-trips them for coming home at a quarter to 7. Instead of being offended, Jo says he's sweet and kisses his cheek. Chrissy, who's wearing a Lucky Luke jacket, says they'd better watch out, or he'll go home to mother.
When they sit at the kitchen table, Jo says they must be late, since the soup's gone cold. Robin exclaims, "It's supposed to be cold!"
They need only a couple more signatures to make 1000. Robin still needs to go to the home on the end, with the poodle. Jo says he hasn't been back to Miss Bird. He says there's no way he's going to. Jo starts to say that Miss Bird couldn't be that bad, and then she sees what's in her soup bowl.
22 years: Outside, presumably the next day, we see Mildred polishing the car. She thinks George brought tea out for her, but it's for himself.
He still wants to sell the house. She asks what good money is if you don't have your health. He says he has got it. She says, "You won't have, if you sell my house."
She says after 22 years of marriage, all they've got to show for it is the house. He says it's not his fault. He went to the clinic and they said it wasn't his fault. And he'd have liked to have had children.
Mildred: George, you can't hit the jackpot if you don't put the money in the machine.
George: I suppose you think Arthur Mulgrove could've done better.
He thinks she's been going on about Arthur. She says she's mentioned Arthur once in 22 years, and she wouldn't call that going on. She then says, "Yes, he could've done better, and, no, you're not gonna sell my house.
The trio emerge from the house. A Spiros sign goes up. They haven't seen Pluthero lately.
The girls go to Miss Bird's and see six milk bottles on the stoop. Pluthero emerges after Miss Bird and says it was a real pleasure. After he leaves, she tells the girls he's a wonderful man. They give up on her.
Robin goes to talk to the blonde with the poodle, Hazel Lovett. She's played by Aimi MacDonald, whose screen career ranges from 1965 to 2008. Her horror film (I don't think from Hammer) was Old Drac, the year after this movie.
Hazel hands Robin her dog as she signs. In her high-pitched voice, she says she doesn't own the house. It belongs to a gentleman friend.
Celebratory music plays as a Spiros sign goes up at Miss Bird's. Pluthero yawns, worn out from his night's work.
Jo says they need one more signature to make it to 1000. Chrissy says there must be someone they know who hasn't signed it yet. It turns out Robin hasn't. Mr. Roper calls him stupid and laughs.
Sir Edmund: Outside the local MP's office, we see signs that say "Sir Edmund Weir: Man of the People." Chrissy goes up the steps.
Inside, Sir Edmund strikes a pose like on his poster, with a V for Victory sign. He's played by Patrick Newell, who appeared in four Sherlock Holmes movies. He also did 22 episodes of The Avengers.
Chrissy comes in while he's posing. He stops. He says he's been in the House. The Prime Minister was speaking for over an hour.
Chrissy: What about?
Sir Edmund: He didn't say.
She says she's one of his constituents and she wants him to accept a petition to save six Edwardian houses from being pulled down for office blocks. She says he's the President of the Preserve London Society. He says, "My wife gets me involved with the most extraord--", then breaks off.
She says that 1000 people signed. When he hears "Myddleton Terrace," he's very surprised. He says they're charming row houses, and they can't be pulled down.
Saucebox: We cut to Hazel, carrying the poodle, answering her phone. Sir Edmund is on the other line. He calls her Darling, and himself Poopsie. We have to assume that Chrissy has left the office, although there are no shots to establish this.
Hazel asks if he's coming round tonight. He can't because it's his wife's birthday. Hazel has a new gymslip. According to Wikipedia, this is "a sleeveless tunic with a pleated skirt most commonly seen as part of a girl's school uniform," used for athletic wear. It seems to have a pornographic connotation, sort of like Catholic schoolgirl uniforms. It's given a twist here when Hazel adds that the gymslip is in his size. He says he'll stop by for just five minutes.
He says she should've told him about the proposed building development. She says she hasn't seen him for ages and he said never to ring him at home. He says he'll put a stop to the development.
Sir Edmund: They don't like publicity, these development boys.
Hazel: Why not? You do.
He says that's different. He doesn't want to be a back-bencher all his life. There's no harm in letting the public know the things you do. She says, "Not all the things you do," and giggles. He calls her a saucebox. Then he asks if the gymslip is green or navy blue.
Snigatures: Later, Mildred reads an article about Sir Edmund's speech condemning the development. George is clipping his nails. She tells him to not do it in the lounge. He'll have somebody's eye out. He suggests the kitchen, but she says she's got salad on the table. She calls him a pig.
Upstairs, Jo and Chrissy read aloud bits of articles about the development. Chrissy's has typos, like "snigatures." Robin says that must be The Guardian. (This newspaper was so well known for its typos in the days of hot-metal typesetting that its nickname was The Grauniad.)
Jo suggests that for their next move they occupy the building, in the '60s protest sense. Chrissy says they're already occupying it, since they've got a lease. Jo says that's so much the better, since it would be legal.
Meanwhile, Robin is looking at a Page Three girl, probably in The Sun tabloid.
He asks the girls if they fancy a game of something. They don't want cards, so he suggests Monopoly, but half the money's missing. He gets the box and says they could play for something else, meaning Strip Monopoly. However, Chrissy's granddad taught her to play and she always wins.
Sublet: Meanwhile, Pluthero visits Sir Edmund's office. Sir Edmund is cutting up the articles about his speech. Pluthero says Sir Edmund hasn't spoken out so much in years, not since the purchase tax on gymslips. Sir Edmund says he'll be speaking out on television tomorrow.
Pluthero points out that Sir Edmund owns one of the Myddleton Terrace properties, #5. Sir Edmund says it's good to have a house in your own constituency, but he seldom uses it. Miss Hazel Lovett occupies it. Pluthero asks if Miss Lovett is a friend of Sir Edmund, or perhaps of "your good lady wife." Sir Edmund shows the paper dolls he's been making.
Then we see another Spiros sign go up, with that triumphant music.
Silly: George tells Mildred that the developers got next door. They have all the houses except the Ropers' now. That gives the Ropers a strong bargaining position if they were selling, which they're not.
She's going into town to buy a see-through nightie. That way, if she ever dies a violent death, he'll stand a fair chance of recognising the body. After she leaves, he says to the budgie, "Silly bitch."
As she goes down the steps, Pluthero watches from his limo across the street. He goes over to the house when the coast is clear.
George says it's typical of women, they're selfish. Mildred has never given him anything but the budgie. Then when he calls the budgie Arthur, he suddenly realises why Mildred chose that name.
But before he can process this, the doorbell for the building rings. He lets in Pluthero, who says that since George's lady wife is out, they can talk man to man. George says he was expecting Pluthero, since this is the last house.
Pluthero says he dropped in to apologise about the inconvenience there'll be, with dust, noise, and possibly vermin. It may reduce the property value. George says he'll only sell the house for the same price as the others. Pluthero accepts this.
Then George tells him about the sitting tenants with a three-year lease. Pluthero says, "Are you suggesting I knock down the bottom half and leave an upper?" George says no but Pluthero can still buy the house. Pluthero asks which tenant signed the lease.
A small business matter: We cut to Chrissy walking down the street. Pluthero's red Rolls rolls up. He gets out and cheerfully greets her. He asks if she's off to lunch. He can give her a lift or even buy her lunch. She's suspicious but gets into his car. He says he'll pay for lunch just for the pleasure of her company. And there's a small business matter. She says she knows a very nice little restaurant.
We're about two-thirds in, 56 minutes. To be continued....
Robin: Can't you finish this later, when Jo gets back?
Chrissy: I thought the idea was to get on with it before she gets back.
Robin: Come on, let's stop messing about.
Chrissy: I second that.
He has her sit back and gets them the drinks.
Robin: You can't hold out forever.
Chrissy: What makes you think I have?
Robin: Oh, I don't.
Chrissy: Oh, don't you?
And then when he tries to say he does think she's held out, she says, "Oh, do you?"
She's says it's all right for him. Men can just turn it on. A girl needs time, coaxing, chatting up. He says he can't chat her up. "How can you chat up someone you care for? Someone you have a deep, emotional feeling for. How am I doing?"
Vinegar and chip fat: Meanwhile, in Larry's car....
Jo: Honestly, Larry, I really don't feel like it.
Larry: Oh, come on, Jo, you will enjoy it.
Jo: But I don't like pot.
He says it's nice here, the atmosphere. She says, "Yes, vinegar and chip fat."
He says he has a little confession to make: he was born a girl. Ever since the operation, he hasn't had a chance to find out if it works. So, "in the interest of medical science." She gives him "full marks for originality."
Jo: Has anyone ever told you you're terribly attractive, and have a wonderful way with women.
Larry: (flattered) No, no, they haven't.
Jo: (amused) Then where'd you get the idea from?
She wants him to take her home, and offers to make coffee there. He worries about his reputation. She says she won't tell anyone he didn't score. She'll even recommend him to her friends. He's flattered. She says that's a better technique, pathos.
She wants to drive the car because he's a mad driver. She's never driven a VW before, but "all cars are the same, aren't they?" So she backs the car into the lake. They have to crawl out of the car.
Frog spawn: Back at the flat, Robin and Chrissy are lying on the settee. He's kissing her neck.
She doesn't want to get carried away without talking. She says they've known each other some time now, and it's probably not going too far to say he fancies her. He admits it. She says it's OK, if he meant what he said about caring.
They're about to kiss, but he realises that she's putting the responsibility on him. So she has to say, "Don't you dare lay a finger on me or I'll scream." He says, "Oh, that's better," and they kiss.
The soft music breaks off as Jo and Larry enter, soaked and arguing. Robin says, "Bad timing, Larry, this is not the moment."
Chrissy gets off the settee. She says to get those wet clothes off, meaning Jo, not Larry. Jo says she has frog spawn in her bra. The girls leave the room.
Robin throws a pillow, twice, in frustration. He glares at Larry, who then apologises. Larry leaves. Robin hits the door with both fists.
Signatures: The next scene shows a Spiros sign has gone up at the end of the block. The men are putting up another. A towing lorry (or whatever they'd call it) brings Larry's car.
The trio emerge with copies of the petition. The girls sign. Robin has Larry sign.
Larry apologises to Robin and then Chrissy. She says it's all right because "it was him and me against me and I was losing." Larry tells Robin they can go blind together. Then he apologises to Jo.
Chrissy knocks at Larry's house. Mr. Gideon answers and Greek music plays. Mr. Pluthero is leaving. Mr. Gideon thanks him for the lovely record. Mr. Pluthero has his men put up another Spiros sign.
Larry: Oh, that's nice, isn't it? I have to find new digs now. Here, how about if I move in with you?
Robin: How about you jump back in the lake again?
The girls are going to be late for work. They'll get more signatures on their lunch hour.
Robin wonders about the lady in #4. Larry says that's Miss Bird and, if Robin's going in there alone, he'd better keep his legs crossed.
The milkman gives Robin Miss Bird's bottle, since he hasn't got time this morning. The postman gives Robin Miss Bird's post, since he's a married man.
Robin rings Miss Bird's bell and she yanks him in. The camera cuts to the postman, milkman, and Larry, the two nameless men putting their hats over their hearts, as if mourning Robin.
The milkman was played by Johnnie Briggs (usually spelled Johnny), who started appearing in movies back in '48, when he was about 12, and is still working more than 60 years later. He did four Carry On movies. The postman, Bill Pertwee, did three Carry Ons, but his most significant role seems to be A.R.P. Warden Hodges on 59 episodes of Dad's Army (1968 to 1977), which I'll return to shortly.
Miss Bird: Miss Bird is wearing a lacy pink nightdress. She says she thought Robin was the dustman. He says he's Robin Tripp from #6 and he wants her to sign a petition.
She tells him the rumours aren't true. People try to take advantage of her warm nature. She asks if he'd like to see what she does. She's a potter, of erotic soup bowls. She offers him one.
Miss Bird: I don't know if you're in favour of this permissive society.
Robin: Yes, but it shouldn't be compulsory.
She says that the needs of men and women are exactly the same. He says women can switch it on, but men need time, coaxing.
Robin: Would you prefer a pencil?
Miss Bird: No, I wouldn't.
She lowers her nightdress enough to reveal her back and shoulders to the camera. He escapes with the erotic bowl.
Miss Bird is played by Andria Lawrence, although she usually spelled it Andrea. Her credits are nearly all from the 1960s and '70s. She did at least two Hammer horrors, Countess Dracula (1971), as "Ziza, Shepherd's Inn Whore," and Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell (see above), as "Brassy girl." She also played "Nell Gwyn" in the 1969 miniseries The First Churchills. So it's fair to say she's typecast here.
As Robin leaves, a Boy Scout comes to the door, asking if there's any job he can do for her. She asks him to come back next year. He's played by Mark Rogers, whose acting career seems to have ended six years after this movie.
Larry is now polishing his car.
Larry: Did you get it then?
Robin: Bloody nearly.
He shows Larry the bowl.
Hanging and flogging: It's the girls' lunch hour and they're trying to get signatures. Outside a butcher's shop, Chrissy talks about the petition to save Edwardian houses on Myddleton Terrace, but the man she approaches is hard of hearing. He's credited as "Elderly Man" and played by Arthur Hewlett, then about 67. His first role was in 1950 and he kept on till 1994, three years before his death. He played a lot of religious characters, such as the Archbishop of Canterbury on Black Adder.
Jo approaches a woman who's leaving a florist's. The woman asks if it's anything to do with bringing back hanging and flogging. When Jo says no, she says, "Couldn't you add something?" Jo says that might confuse the issue. I think this is the character called "Tweedy Lady," since she's listed after "Elderly Man." If so, then she's Annie Leake, who was about 60 at the time of this movie and lived another 32 years. Ms. Leake seems to have started her screen career late, since her earliest credit is from 1961. Few of her television programmes crossed the Atlantic.
Don't know: An older bald man answers the phone in his office. He turns out to be Mr. Spiros, and he's played by Arthur Lowe, the star of Dad's Army. According to IMDB, that programme "alternated moments of gentle character comedy with broad slapstick," and his character was the pompous local bank manager turned captain. He was 58 or 59 at the time of this movie.
Spiros has a good-looking black secretary, played by Pauline Peart. She was about 22 at the time of this movie and, not only doesn't she have any lines here, but she doesn't seem to have had much of a screen career. Like so many of the others in this movie, she did a Hammer horror, in her case playing one of several "Vampire Girls" in 1973's The Satanic Rites of Dracula.
Mr. Pluthero is in the office and he keeps trying to talk to Mr. Spiros, but his boss is distracted by the phone. After Spiros hangs up, Pluthero says he wants to name the new development after himself. Spiros prefers Nelson House.
Pluthero: After the sea-faring gentleman?
Spiros: No, after my wife's basset hound.
We return to Chrissy, who's outside a market, talking to a black mother of two sons. The family is putting items into a baby carriage. The woman tells Chrissy to put her down as a "don't know." Chrissy says the woman doesn't know what the petition's about. The woman says, "That's what I just said, don't know." She must be "Housewife," so she's Corinne Skinner (later Corinne Skinner-Carter), who was then a couple years past the mid-point of her nearly fifty-year screen career. When she was about 70, she did 41 episodes of EastEnders.
Lucky Luke: At the flat that evening, Robin cooks in his naughty apron. The girls come in, talking about the signatures they got. Jo says she got two Adolf Hitlers.
Robin guilt-trips them for coming home at a quarter to 7. Instead of being offended, Jo says he's sweet and kisses his cheek. Chrissy, who's wearing a Lucky Luke jacket, says they'd better watch out, or he'll go home to mother.
When they sit at the kitchen table, Jo says they must be late, since the soup's gone cold. Robin exclaims, "It's supposed to be cold!"
They need only a couple more signatures to make 1000. Robin still needs to go to the home on the end, with the poodle. Jo says he hasn't been back to Miss Bird. He says there's no way he's going to. Jo starts to say that Miss Bird couldn't be that bad, and then she sees what's in her soup bowl.
22 years: Outside, presumably the next day, we see Mildred polishing the car. She thinks George brought tea out for her, but it's for himself.
He still wants to sell the house. She asks what good money is if you don't have your health. He says he has got it. She says, "You won't have, if you sell my house."
She says after 22 years of marriage, all they've got to show for it is the house. He says it's not his fault. He went to the clinic and they said it wasn't his fault. And he'd have liked to have had children.
Mildred: George, you can't hit the jackpot if you don't put the money in the machine.
George: I suppose you think Arthur Mulgrove could've done better.
He thinks she's been going on about Arthur. She says she's mentioned Arthur once in 22 years, and she wouldn't call that going on. She then says, "Yes, he could've done better, and, no, you're not gonna sell my house.
The trio emerge from the house. A Spiros sign goes up. They haven't seen Pluthero lately.
The girls go to Miss Bird's and see six milk bottles on the stoop. Pluthero emerges after Miss Bird and says it was a real pleasure. After he leaves, she tells the girls he's a wonderful man. They give up on her.
Robin goes to talk to the blonde with the poodle, Hazel Lovett. She's played by Aimi MacDonald, whose screen career ranges from 1965 to 2008. Her horror film (I don't think from Hammer) was Old Drac, the year after this movie.
Hazel hands Robin her dog as she signs. In her high-pitched voice, she says she doesn't own the house. It belongs to a gentleman friend.
Celebratory music plays as a Spiros sign goes up at Miss Bird's. Pluthero yawns, worn out from his night's work.
Jo says they need one more signature to make it to 1000. Chrissy says there must be someone they know who hasn't signed it yet. It turns out Robin hasn't. Mr. Roper calls him stupid and laughs.
Sir Edmund: Outside the local MP's office, we see signs that say "Sir Edmund Weir: Man of the People." Chrissy goes up the steps.
Inside, Sir Edmund strikes a pose like on his poster, with a V for Victory sign. He's played by Patrick Newell, who appeared in four Sherlock Holmes movies. He also did 22 episodes of The Avengers.
Chrissy comes in while he's posing. He stops. He says he's been in the House. The Prime Minister was speaking for over an hour.
Chrissy: What about?
Sir Edmund: He didn't say.
She says she's one of his constituents and she wants him to accept a petition to save six Edwardian houses from being pulled down for office blocks. She says he's the President of the Preserve London Society. He says, "My wife gets me involved with the most extraord--", then breaks off.
She says that 1000 people signed. When he hears "Myddleton Terrace," he's very surprised. He says they're charming row houses, and they can't be pulled down.
Saucebox: We cut to Hazel, carrying the poodle, answering her phone. Sir Edmund is on the other line. He calls her Darling, and himself Poopsie. We have to assume that Chrissy has left the office, although there are no shots to establish this.
Hazel asks if he's coming round tonight. He can't because it's his wife's birthday. Hazel has a new gymslip. According to Wikipedia, this is "a sleeveless tunic with a pleated skirt most commonly seen as part of a girl's school uniform," used for athletic wear. It seems to have a pornographic connotation, sort of like Catholic schoolgirl uniforms. It's given a twist here when Hazel adds that the gymslip is in his size. He says he'll stop by for just five minutes.
He says she should've told him about the proposed building development. She says she hasn't seen him for ages and he said never to ring him at home. He says he'll put a stop to the development.
Sir Edmund: They don't like publicity, these development boys.
Hazel: Why not? You do.
He says that's different. He doesn't want to be a back-bencher all his life. There's no harm in letting the public know the things you do. She says, "Not all the things you do," and giggles. He calls her a saucebox. Then he asks if the gymslip is green or navy blue.
Snigatures: Later, Mildred reads an article about Sir Edmund's speech condemning the development. George is clipping his nails. She tells him to not do it in the lounge. He'll have somebody's eye out. He suggests the kitchen, but she says she's got salad on the table. She calls him a pig.
Upstairs, Jo and Chrissy read aloud bits of articles about the development. Chrissy's has typos, like "snigatures." Robin says that must be The Guardian. (This newspaper was so well known for its typos in the days of hot-metal typesetting that its nickname was The Grauniad.)
Jo suggests that for their next move they occupy the building, in the '60s protest sense. Chrissy says they're already occupying it, since they've got a lease. Jo says that's so much the better, since it would be legal.
Meanwhile, Robin is looking at a Page Three girl, probably in The Sun tabloid.
He asks the girls if they fancy a game of something. They don't want cards, so he suggests Monopoly, but half the money's missing. He gets the box and says they could play for something else, meaning Strip Monopoly. However, Chrissy's granddad taught her to play and she always wins.
Sublet: Meanwhile, Pluthero visits Sir Edmund's office. Sir Edmund is cutting up the articles about his speech. Pluthero says Sir Edmund hasn't spoken out so much in years, not since the purchase tax on gymslips. Sir Edmund says he'll be speaking out on television tomorrow.
Pluthero points out that Sir Edmund owns one of the Myddleton Terrace properties, #5. Sir Edmund says it's good to have a house in your own constituency, but he seldom uses it. Miss Hazel Lovett occupies it. Pluthero asks if Miss Lovett is a friend of Sir Edmund, or perhaps of "your good lady wife." Sir Edmund shows the paper dolls he's been making.
Then we see another Spiros sign go up, with that triumphant music.
Silly: George tells Mildred that the developers got next door. They have all the houses except the Ropers' now. That gives the Ropers a strong bargaining position if they were selling, which they're not.
She's going into town to buy a see-through nightie. That way, if she ever dies a violent death, he'll stand a fair chance of recognising the body. After she leaves, he says to the budgie, "Silly bitch."
As she goes down the steps, Pluthero watches from his limo across the street. He goes over to the house when the coast is clear.
George says it's typical of women, they're selfish. Mildred has never given him anything but the budgie. Then when he calls the budgie Arthur, he suddenly realises why Mildred chose that name.
But before he can process this, the doorbell for the building rings. He lets in Pluthero, who says that since George's lady wife is out, they can talk man to man. George says he was expecting Pluthero, since this is the last house.
Pluthero says he dropped in to apologise about the inconvenience there'll be, with dust, noise, and possibly vermin. It may reduce the property value. George says he'll only sell the house for the same price as the others. Pluthero accepts this.
Then George tells him about the sitting tenants with a three-year lease. Pluthero says, "Are you suggesting I knock down the bottom half and leave an upper?" George says no but Pluthero can still buy the house. Pluthero asks which tenant signed the lease.
A small business matter: We cut to Chrissy walking down the street. Pluthero's red Rolls rolls up. He gets out and cheerfully greets her. He asks if she's off to lunch. He can give her a lift or even buy her lunch. She's suspicious but gets into his car. He says he'll pay for lunch just for the pleasure of her company. And there's a small business matter. She says she knows a very nice little restaurant.
We're about two-thirds in, 56 minutes. To be continued....
Thursday, May 5, 2011
The Movie, Part One
Man about the House (the movie) was released on 22 December 1974, so it falls between the third and fourth series, but it feels somehow earlier, later, and parallel-universe.
Credits: Against a red background, we see unflattering drawings of the main cast, like Chrissy looking like Stockard Channing on a bad day, and Jo with horsy teeth rather than a cute overbite. Meanwhile, a drippy female singer apparently adopts Chrissy's POV, telling us, "It's not easy when he's always been a man about the house," when she has feelings for him. He's "so close to home and yet so far away," and "love was on my doorstep all the while." It's a Hammer production and so far looks like a horror of a different sort.
The drawing of row houses fades to a real shot of row houses, on Myddleton [sic] Terrace NW8.
Three's a crowd: Then the camera pans across a garishly coloured lounge, with purple wallpaper, and orange and red highlights. We hear voices offscreen and learn that Jo and perhaps her flatmates are in the bath. Jo says, "I wish you two would get out." Chrissy says there's not enough room for the three of them.
Unlike on the television programme, the kitchen is to the right of the screen, with the bathroom to the right of that. It turns out that Robin and Chrissy are sharing the mirror, with Jo by herself in the tub, with bubbles.
Chrissy goes in the kitchen. Jo tells Robin she can't get out of the bath till he goes. He's shaving but he says he'll shut his eyes.
She grabs a towel and wraps it around herself. She says they must get the lock fixed. He says that would take the suspense out of taking a bath. He dries his hands on her towel till she objects. He offers to dry her off.
He goes in the kitchen. He's annoyed that Chrissy keeps cooking eggs. It's actually Jo's turn to cook but she burnt the bacon and sausages. Chrissy points out that he likes cooking and they don't. He says it's part of the female's function to provide food. She says it wasn't the rooster who laid the eggs.
He says he's not a male chauvinist. She says she thinks he is.
Robin: What do you know about it? You're only a woman.
Chrissy: Honestly, I'd have nothing to do with men if they weren't the opposite sex.
Jo enters in a white dressing gown.
Robin says he'll take the bolt from their bedroom door and put it on the bathroom door.
The Ropers: We go outside to where Larry's pulling up in his yellow VW. He's going to give Robin and Chrissy a lift. Mrs. Roper, wearing a frilly pink nightdress, is getting the milk from the doorstep. He blows her a kiss. She, Robin, and Chrissy exchange good mornings in the entryway.
The Ropers' flat is on the left side of the screen, rather than the right. It looks different inside, too. She says, "George, those cigarettes are gonna be the death of you." One thing hasn't changed, and they bicker.
Wonderbug: It's Jo's day off, which is why Larry isn't driving her anywhere. He puts his hand on Chrissy's knee to shift into second, but it's unclear if he's being fresh or if this is just part of his bad driving. We get several shots of a sight familiar to any student of 1970s lightweight film: a VW being driven crazily down the street.
Robin says, "It's no good closing your eyes." You can do the punch line here, that he's not talking to Chrissy.
Robin suggests Larry drop them off and they'll walk. Chrissy says it's safer in the car, since he can't knock them over.
We learn that Robin has a part-time job as a chef. He says they're looking for a waiter and Larry should apply.
Larry even drives on the sidewalk!
He drops Chrissy off at Maida Vale Station, which is an Underground stop in "inner northwest London." The area has many Victorian and Edwardian houses.
Robin gets in the front seat and the men continue on their way. Robin looks worn out, so Larry says, "If I shared a flat with two birds, I wouldn't get out of bed either." Robin says the girls have put a new lock on their bedroom door, and now he can't get out of the room.
Larry drops him off at the technical college.
First priority: Robin's instructor has a bow tie and glasses. I think he's the one listed as "lecturer" in the credits, which means he's played by Aubrey Morris, who has screen appearances covering half a century, among them, Blood Beast from Outer Space (1965), If It's Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium (1969), A Clockwork Orange (1971), Space: 1999 (1975), and two cameos on Murder She Wrote. He often plays professors and the like.
Here, Robin is his only male student. We learn that Robin lives only five minutes away but he's always late. The lecturer asks him the first priority of the kitchen. Robin says it must remain spotless.
Daffodil: As Robin continues in voiceover, we switch to a very messy kitchen, with an equally filthy chef. The chef is unnamed but the actor Bill Maynard has credits ranging from 1957 to 2003, mostly notably as "Selwyn Froggitt" on two separate programmes, although my favourite credit of his is "Guy Fawkes" in Carry on Henry VIII. When Robin tries to talk hygiene, the chef says you can't "tart about when you have to prepare 60 meals a day. I can't hardly pick my nose as it is." ("Tart about" just means to mess around in a non-sexual way. "Screw around" in its platonic sense would be an American equivalent.)
The chef is cooking as he smokes.
Larry comes in as a waiter and gives an order verbally to the chef. The chef makes chocolate ice cream out of vanilla by saying Abracadabra and then suggesting they cover it in curry powder.
While the chef is out of the room, Robin asks Larry, "How can anyone create classical cuisine in here?"
When the chef comes back, he tells them about Daffodil having her bottom scraped. But Daffodil is a boat he worked on. He took two nurses on it because they fancied a bit of the rough. You have to be subtle with nurses, so he had them play strip poker.
Robin suggests garlic salt in the batter. The chef asks if he's a poof.
Spiros: Chrissy is sitting upstairs on a double-decker. Robin comes up and sits next to her. He talks about work a bit. They pass an "Acquired by Spiros" sign and she speaks out against developers. He keeps hinting about cards.
Then we switch to their street, where there's a surveyor, and a man looking at a map. This man is much later revealed to be Morris Pluthero, and he's played by Peter Cellier. His first screen appearance was back in 1955 and he's still working today, at the age of 82 or 83. So of course he did Dr. Who, in 1982.
As Robin and Chrissy walk along, he says he's not going on about cards. But he's pleased to hear she bought new underwear. Pluthero bids them good afternoon but they don't know who he is yet.
Duty: At the Ropers', he's looking at a letter with an embossed letterhead, from Spiros. She doesn't want to sell their house but he does. They could get full market value.
She says that's always been his trouble, greed. She talks about their wedding reception, showing him a picture of their wedding day. It was time to cut the cake, and he was "round the boozer, collecting the empties." (This is "boozer" in the sense of the bar, rather than a person.)
He says he did his duty on their honeymoon. She scoffs.
He was recently talking to Hazel, the blonde next door, the one with the poodle. Everyone on the block got letters. Mildred is jealous, but George says he only knows her because "she nipped me once or twice in the ankle." Insert line about meaning the poodle, not Hazel.
Mildred is going to phone around. She thinks it's time they had a meeting of the Residents Association.
We're just following ancient history: Robin and Chrissy are watching the telly, what turns out to be a wolfman movie. Robin snuggles up against her.
Chrissy: Look, I haven't time to mess about. Are you after my body?
Robin: Of course.
Chrissy: Sorry. It's already booked to do the washing up.
Soft music plays as he pours himself a drink and smokes while she's out of the room. He sets down his cigarette and drink. He gets a deck of cards.
He puts on a Snoopy jumper and then a blue jacket. He goes in the kitchen and asks where Jo is. Chrissy says Jo is in the bathroom.
He goes right in without knocking.
Jo: I might've been stark naked.
Robin: Not with my luck.
He says he and Chrissy are going to play strip poker.
Robin: We need a third but she said you're too prudish.
Jo: What?
Then he returns to the kitchen and tells Chrissy that he and Jo are going to play strip poker.
Robin: She says you won't play because you're too prudish.
Chrissy: She's right.
Robin: She is?
Disappointed, he goes back to the lounge. Then Jo comes into the kitchen, and the girls figure out the trick he was trying to play on them.
They clear off the kitchen table as he takes off the blue jacket and starts to take off Snoopy. Chrissy yells, "We're ready when you are." He quickly puts those clothes back on and goes into the kitchen.
He asks how you play strip poker. Jo says she supposes you play with clothes instead of money.
Chrissy: Should I, whatchamacallit, hand the cards out?
Robin: (smiling) Yes, deal, that's the word.
Then she shuffles like a pro. It turns out her dad taught her to play poker.
Jo passes and then goes out. A sock turns out to equal half a tight. He bids another sock, so she bids a skirt. He says, "I'll raise your skirt with my trousers."
Arthur Mulgrove: Downstairs, the wolfman movie ends.
Mildred: You know, George? That wolfman was the spitting image of an army sergeant I used to go around with.
George: What? All hairy and that?
Mildred: No, when he was normal.
The sergeant's name was Arthur Mulgrove. She nearly married him, but he didn't ask her. George says he sounds like a sensible sort of fellow.
She says that when the Wolfman ripped the blouse off the helpless maiden, it sent shivers right down her spine. That these were pleasant shivers is clear when she asks seductively, "Coming to bed, George?" But he's going to make a sandwich and then tell the trio about the meeting tomorrow night.
After he leaves the room, she says, "Arthur Mulgrove," and shivers happily.
Pairs: Back upstairs, Robin, who's now topless, says that Chrissy's father must've been a bloody good poker player.
He opens with his underpants. Jo says he hasn't much choice. Chrissy bids a shoe. When he says this is too low, she bets two shoes. Jo goes out, as she's apparently done every time.
Robin wants to put on one piece of his discarded clothing, but Chrissy won't let him. She has a full house, 10s and 2s. He has four jacks. She takes off her platforms. He thinks his luck has changed now.
Jo passes. Robin again opens with his underpants. Chrissy bets a blouse. Jo goes out.
Robin: Well, I've got a pair.
Chrissy: Let's have a look at them then.
Robin: What do you mean?
Chrissy: I've got a pair, too.
He's got two queens but she's got two aces. Jo wants him to pay up. Chrissy says, "It's of no interest to me. I was brought up on a farm." Jo giggles as she says, "I've never seen anyone blush over such a large area."
Robin takes his underpants off and sets them on the table with the other clothes.
The doorbell rings. The girls smile and want him to answer it. He's says he's starkers.
Jo: I won't look.
Chrissy: I will! He would've done if it was one of us.
Jo: You're right. I will look.
He hands Chrissy the deck of cards. Then he yanks the tablecloth off the table and wears it wrapped around his lower half. Spanish music plays and he says, "Olé!"
After he leaves the room, Jo says he cheated. Chrissy says he's not the only one, and she reveals that the deck contains five black aces.
In the hallway, Mr. Roper is surprised to see Robin in a tablecloth. Robin says the curtain is at the dry cleaner's. Mr. Roper tells him about the Residents Association meeting.
The Meeting: Then we get one of the longest scenes in the movie, with more of the cast gathered in one spot than at any other point. I'll note that two of the residents, Miss Bird and Hazel, are there, the latter with her poodle, but I won't talk about them until they have lines. Also, I'll break this scene up into parts for easier digestion.
We're in a pub, but it's not the Mucky Duck or the White Swan. Mrs. Roper is sitting at a rectangular table on one side of the room. She has outdone herself sartorially, wearing a leopard coat over her red & white outfit. She says they need volunteers.
Robin stands up, but he volunteers Chrissy. They're both wearing lots of denim.
Larry's landlord, Mr. Gideon, is there, not played by John Carlin but by Michael Ward. Mr. Ward was then 65, with credits going back to 1947. He actually did a Jack Benny episode, but his roles were mostly in British movies, many with fantastic titles, such as Maniacs on Wheels, High Jinks in Society, The Galloping Major, Whispering Smith Investigates, Finger of Guilt, Carry on Regardless, Ouch!, and Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell. That last movie is of particular note, one, because it was the last Hammer Frankenstein movie, and two, he plays "Transvest." In this, his other 1974 film, he plays Mr. Gideon as much more overtly gay than the television version.
He says the natural leaders need to step forward. His boyfriend, Nigel, stands up but Mr. Gideon means himself. Nigel is played by Melvyn Hayes, then 39, although the character seems to be meant to be in his 20s. Mr. Hayes's first credit is from 1954 and he's still working to this day, mostly on television. He did a Hammer Frankenstein movie, too, playing "Young Victor" in 1957's The Curse of Frankenstein, with Peter Cushing as the older Victor. He also played "bad boys" in adaptations of classic literature, such as Dan in Jo's Boys (1959) and the Artful Dodger in a 1962 version of Oliver Twist. He probably looked younger than his age for a long time.
Mrs. Roper wants Chrissy to start them all off. So Chrissy puts Robin on the spot, but he stammers.
Chrissy: What you're trying to say is this community can not survive, unless we all join together and fight this scheme.
Robin: Yes.
Chrissy: And we ought to do something positive.
Robin: Oh, absolutely.
Chrissy: Like what?
Robin: Eh? Well, like, erm.
Chrissy: Perhaps you think we ought to organise a petition to our MP.
Robin: Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking of.
The towels go off the bar, which I thinks means that it's now late enough to serve alcohol. (Remember how in No Children, No Dogs it was supposed to be too late to serve it?) The meeting understandably breaks up. Mrs. Roper says, "So much for community spirit." We go to a dissolve.
The Greeks had a word for it: When we return, Mr. Pluthero is buying drinks for the gay couple. Mr. Gideon gets an ouzo & soda, while Nigel gets Retsina with a cherry.
Chrissy says they need a carefully worded petition about houses being pulled down for office blocks. "You can do anything in London except live. London needs houses, not great concrete blocks." Robin goes to the bar to get her a tomato juice, Jo a lager.
George doesn't see the point of a petition. Mildred reiterates that no one is going to sell their houses.
Mr. Gideon talks about a little bar near the Acropolis. Nigel says, "He's bonkers about the Ancient Greeks." Mr. Pluthero says it was a marvelous civilisation, where the friendship of an older man for a lad was not misunderstood.
Mr. Gideon thinks Nigel looks like Apollo. If you put Michelangelo's Apollo on a motorbike, that would be Nigel to a tee. Mr. Pluthero asks Nigel is he likes the bouzouki (a Greek lute). Nigel says, "Nah, I prefer the Yamaha Superbike."
Mr. Pluthero says property is so cheap in Greece, hinting at what they could buy if they sold their house. Then he says they don't want to spoil the social evening by talking about business.
Blind: The Ropers and the trio are now sitting at a table, as Mr. Roper tells war stories. He says that Hitler did his best trying to knock these houses down during the war. Those were good days then, because a man had to do his duty. His wife says that "duty" is one of his favourite words. He was an ARP (Air Raid Precautions) warden then.
Robin excuses himself to go talk with Larry. It's been two months for Larry and he's going to go blind. Any guesses on what he's talking about, wink wink? He's been thinking about asking Jo if she fancies coming for a drive.
Mr. Roper says they used to put stuff in the tea, to keep their minds on the job, probably talking about saltpetre. His wife says, "Off the job, George."
Jo excuses herself from the table. Mr. Roper asks Chrissy if she remembers ration books, but she of course doesn't.
Jo goes over to Robin and Larry. The latter asks her if she has any plans for the rest of the evening.
Mr. Roper is now talking about the food during the war. He says they used to get a bit of meat about that long, showing with his hands. His wife says, "That's what I used to get, George."
Chrissy excuses herself from the table. Mildred says, "Well, George, I think that's a new record. You bored three people in two minutes."
Larry is telling Jo, "Just for a drive, mind you. Fresh air." He puts his arm around her when they walk away from Robin and Chrissy.
Robin tells Chrissy that this gives the two of them a chance to go back to the flat and get it together. He claims he's talking about the petition.
This puts us roughly one-third into the movie, 29 minutes of the 85. To be continued....
Credits: Against a red background, we see unflattering drawings of the main cast, like Chrissy looking like Stockard Channing on a bad day, and Jo with horsy teeth rather than a cute overbite. Meanwhile, a drippy female singer apparently adopts Chrissy's POV, telling us, "It's not easy when he's always been a man about the house," when she has feelings for him. He's "so close to home and yet so far away," and "love was on my doorstep all the while." It's a Hammer production and so far looks like a horror of a different sort.
The drawing of row houses fades to a real shot of row houses, on Myddleton [sic] Terrace NW8.
Three's a crowd: Then the camera pans across a garishly coloured lounge, with purple wallpaper, and orange and red highlights. We hear voices offscreen and learn that Jo and perhaps her flatmates are in the bath. Jo says, "I wish you two would get out." Chrissy says there's not enough room for the three of them.
Unlike on the television programme, the kitchen is to the right of the screen, with the bathroom to the right of that. It turns out that Robin and Chrissy are sharing the mirror, with Jo by herself in the tub, with bubbles.
Chrissy goes in the kitchen. Jo tells Robin she can't get out of the bath till he goes. He's shaving but he says he'll shut his eyes.
She grabs a towel and wraps it around herself. She says they must get the lock fixed. He says that would take the suspense out of taking a bath. He dries his hands on her towel till she objects. He offers to dry her off.
He goes in the kitchen. He's annoyed that Chrissy keeps cooking eggs. It's actually Jo's turn to cook but she burnt the bacon and sausages. Chrissy points out that he likes cooking and they don't. He says it's part of the female's function to provide food. She says it wasn't the rooster who laid the eggs.
He says he's not a male chauvinist. She says she thinks he is.
Robin: What do you know about it? You're only a woman.
Chrissy: Honestly, I'd have nothing to do with men if they weren't the opposite sex.
Jo enters in a white dressing gown.
Robin says he'll take the bolt from their bedroom door and put it on the bathroom door.
The Ropers: We go outside to where Larry's pulling up in his yellow VW. He's going to give Robin and Chrissy a lift. Mrs. Roper, wearing a frilly pink nightdress, is getting the milk from the doorstep. He blows her a kiss. She, Robin, and Chrissy exchange good mornings in the entryway.
The Ropers' flat is on the left side of the screen, rather than the right. It looks different inside, too. She says, "George, those cigarettes are gonna be the death of you." One thing hasn't changed, and they bicker.
Wonderbug: It's Jo's day off, which is why Larry isn't driving her anywhere. He puts his hand on Chrissy's knee to shift into second, but it's unclear if he's being fresh or if this is just part of his bad driving. We get several shots of a sight familiar to any student of 1970s lightweight film: a VW being driven crazily down the street.
Robin says, "It's no good closing your eyes." You can do the punch line here, that he's not talking to Chrissy.
Robin suggests Larry drop them off and they'll walk. Chrissy says it's safer in the car, since he can't knock them over.
We learn that Robin has a part-time job as a chef. He says they're looking for a waiter and Larry should apply.
Larry even drives on the sidewalk!
He drops Chrissy off at Maida Vale Station, which is an Underground stop in "inner northwest London." The area has many Victorian and Edwardian houses.
Robin gets in the front seat and the men continue on their way. Robin looks worn out, so Larry says, "If I shared a flat with two birds, I wouldn't get out of bed either." Robin says the girls have put a new lock on their bedroom door, and now he can't get out of the room.
Larry drops him off at the technical college.
First priority: Robin's instructor has a bow tie and glasses. I think he's the one listed as "lecturer" in the credits, which means he's played by Aubrey Morris, who has screen appearances covering half a century, among them, Blood Beast from Outer Space (1965), If It's Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium (1969), A Clockwork Orange (1971), Space: 1999 (1975), and two cameos on Murder She Wrote. He often plays professors and the like.
Here, Robin is his only male student. We learn that Robin lives only five minutes away but he's always late. The lecturer asks him the first priority of the kitchen. Robin says it must remain spotless.
Daffodil: As Robin continues in voiceover, we switch to a very messy kitchen, with an equally filthy chef. The chef is unnamed but the actor Bill Maynard has credits ranging from 1957 to 2003, mostly notably as "Selwyn Froggitt" on two separate programmes, although my favourite credit of his is "Guy Fawkes" in Carry on Henry VIII. When Robin tries to talk hygiene, the chef says you can't "tart about when you have to prepare 60 meals a day. I can't hardly pick my nose as it is." ("Tart about" just means to mess around in a non-sexual way. "Screw around" in its platonic sense would be an American equivalent.)
The chef is cooking as he smokes.
Larry comes in as a waiter and gives an order verbally to the chef. The chef makes chocolate ice cream out of vanilla by saying Abracadabra and then suggesting they cover it in curry powder.
While the chef is out of the room, Robin asks Larry, "How can anyone create classical cuisine in here?"
When the chef comes back, he tells them about Daffodil having her bottom scraped. But Daffodil is a boat he worked on. He took two nurses on it because they fancied a bit of the rough. You have to be subtle with nurses, so he had them play strip poker.
Robin suggests garlic salt in the batter. The chef asks if he's a poof.
Spiros: Chrissy is sitting upstairs on a double-decker. Robin comes up and sits next to her. He talks about work a bit. They pass an "Acquired by Spiros" sign and she speaks out against developers. He keeps hinting about cards.
Then we switch to their street, where there's a surveyor, and a man looking at a map. This man is much later revealed to be Morris Pluthero, and he's played by Peter Cellier. His first screen appearance was back in 1955 and he's still working today, at the age of 82 or 83. So of course he did Dr. Who, in 1982.
As Robin and Chrissy walk along, he says he's not going on about cards. But he's pleased to hear she bought new underwear. Pluthero bids them good afternoon but they don't know who he is yet.
Duty: At the Ropers', he's looking at a letter with an embossed letterhead, from Spiros. She doesn't want to sell their house but he does. They could get full market value.
She says that's always been his trouble, greed. She talks about their wedding reception, showing him a picture of their wedding day. It was time to cut the cake, and he was "round the boozer, collecting the empties." (This is "boozer" in the sense of the bar, rather than a person.)
He says he did his duty on their honeymoon. She scoffs.
He was recently talking to Hazel, the blonde next door, the one with the poodle. Everyone on the block got letters. Mildred is jealous, but George says he only knows her because "she nipped me once or twice in the ankle." Insert line about meaning the poodle, not Hazel.
Mildred is going to phone around. She thinks it's time they had a meeting of the Residents Association.
We're just following ancient history: Robin and Chrissy are watching the telly, what turns out to be a wolfman movie. Robin snuggles up against her.
Chrissy: Look, I haven't time to mess about. Are you after my body?
Robin: Of course.
Chrissy: Sorry. It's already booked to do the washing up.
Soft music plays as he pours himself a drink and smokes while she's out of the room. He sets down his cigarette and drink. He gets a deck of cards.
He puts on a Snoopy jumper and then a blue jacket. He goes in the kitchen and asks where Jo is. Chrissy says Jo is in the bathroom.
He goes right in without knocking.
Jo: I might've been stark naked.
Robin: Not with my luck.
He says he and Chrissy are going to play strip poker.
Robin: We need a third but she said you're too prudish.
Jo: What?
Then he returns to the kitchen and tells Chrissy that he and Jo are going to play strip poker.
Robin: She says you won't play because you're too prudish.
Chrissy: She's right.
Robin: She is?
Disappointed, he goes back to the lounge. Then Jo comes into the kitchen, and the girls figure out the trick he was trying to play on them.
They clear off the kitchen table as he takes off the blue jacket and starts to take off Snoopy. Chrissy yells, "We're ready when you are." He quickly puts those clothes back on and goes into the kitchen.
He asks how you play strip poker. Jo says she supposes you play with clothes instead of money.
Chrissy: Should I, whatchamacallit, hand the cards out?
Robin: (smiling) Yes, deal, that's the word.
Then she shuffles like a pro. It turns out her dad taught her to play poker.
Jo passes and then goes out. A sock turns out to equal half a tight. He bids another sock, so she bids a skirt. He says, "I'll raise your skirt with my trousers."
Arthur Mulgrove: Downstairs, the wolfman movie ends.
Mildred: You know, George? That wolfman was the spitting image of an army sergeant I used to go around with.
George: What? All hairy and that?
Mildred: No, when he was normal.
The sergeant's name was Arthur Mulgrove. She nearly married him, but he didn't ask her. George says he sounds like a sensible sort of fellow.
She says that when the Wolfman ripped the blouse off the helpless maiden, it sent shivers right down her spine. That these were pleasant shivers is clear when she asks seductively, "Coming to bed, George?" But he's going to make a sandwich and then tell the trio about the meeting tomorrow night.
After he leaves the room, she says, "Arthur Mulgrove," and shivers happily.
Pairs: Back upstairs, Robin, who's now topless, says that Chrissy's father must've been a bloody good poker player.
He opens with his underpants. Jo says he hasn't much choice. Chrissy bids a shoe. When he says this is too low, she bets two shoes. Jo goes out, as she's apparently done every time.
Robin wants to put on one piece of his discarded clothing, but Chrissy won't let him. She has a full house, 10s and 2s. He has four jacks. She takes off her platforms. He thinks his luck has changed now.
Jo passes. Robin again opens with his underpants. Chrissy bets a blouse. Jo goes out.
Robin: Well, I've got a pair.
Chrissy: Let's have a look at them then.
Robin: What do you mean?
Chrissy: I've got a pair, too.
He's got two queens but she's got two aces. Jo wants him to pay up. Chrissy says, "It's of no interest to me. I was brought up on a farm." Jo giggles as she says, "I've never seen anyone blush over such a large area."
Robin takes his underpants off and sets them on the table with the other clothes.
The doorbell rings. The girls smile and want him to answer it. He's says he's starkers.
Jo: I won't look.
Chrissy: I will! He would've done if it was one of us.
Jo: You're right. I will look.
He hands Chrissy the deck of cards. Then he yanks the tablecloth off the table and wears it wrapped around his lower half. Spanish music plays and he says, "Olé!"
After he leaves the room, Jo says he cheated. Chrissy says he's not the only one, and she reveals that the deck contains five black aces.
In the hallway, Mr. Roper is surprised to see Robin in a tablecloth. Robin says the curtain is at the dry cleaner's. Mr. Roper tells him about the Residents Association meeting.
The Meeting: Then we get one of the longest scenes in the movie, with more of the cast gathered in one spot than at any other point. I'll note that two of the residents, Miss Bird and Hazel, are there, the latter with her poodle, but I won't talk about them until they have lines. Also, I'll break this scene up into parts for easier digestion.
We're in a pub, but it's not the Mucky Duck or the White Swan. Mrs. Roper is sitting at a rectangular table on one side of the room. She has outdone herself sartorially, wearing a leopard coat over her red & white outfit. She says they need volunteers.
Robin stands up, but he volunteers Chrissy. They're both wearing lots of denim.
Larry's landlord, Mr. Gideon, is there, not played by John Carlin but by Michael Ward. Mr. Ward was then 65, with credits going back to 1947. He actually did a Jack Benny episode, but his roles were mostly in British movies, many with fantastic titles, such as Maniacs on Wheels, High Jinks in Society, The Galloping Major, Whispering Smith Investigates, Finger of Guilt, Carry on Regardless, Ouch!, and Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell. That last movie is of particular note, one, because it was the last Hammer Frankenstein movie, and two, he plays "Transvest." In this, his other 1974 film, he plays Mr. Gideon as much more overtly gay than the television version.
He says the natural leaders need to step forward. His boyfriend, Nigel, stands up but Mr. Gideon means himself. Nigel is played by Melvyn Hayes, then 39, although the character seems to be meant to be in his 20s. Mr. Hayes's first credit is from 1954 and he's still working to this day, mostly on television. He did a Hammer Frankenstein movie, too, playing "Young Victor" in 1957's The Curse of Frankenstein, with Peter Cushing as the older Victor. He also played "bad boys" in adaptations of classic literature, such as Dan in Jo's Boys (1959) and the Artful Dodger in a 1962 version of Oliver Twist. He probably looked younger than his age for a long time.
Mrs. Roper wants Chrissy to start them all off. So Chrissy puts Robin on the spot, but he stammers.
Chrissy: What you're trying to say is this community can not survive, unless we all join together and fight this scheme.
Robin: Yes.
Chrissy: And we ought to do something positive.
Robin: Oh, absolutely.
Chrissy: Like what?
Robin: Eh? Well, like, erm.
Chrissy: Perhaps you think we ought to organise a petition to our MP.
Robin: Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking of.
The towels go off the bar, which I thinks means that it's now late enough to serve alcohol. (Remember how in No Children, No Dogs it was supposed to be too late to serve it?) The meeting understandably breaks up. Mrs. Roper says, "So much for community spirit." We go to a dissolve.
The Greeks had a word for it: When we return, Mr. Pluthero is buying drinks for the gay couple. Mr. Gideon gets an ouzo & soda, while Nigel gets Retsina with a cherry.
Chrissy says they need a carefully worded petition about houses being pulled down for office blocks. "You can do anything in London except live. London needs houses, not great concrete blocks." Robin goes to the bar to get her a tomato juice, Jo a lager.
George doesn't see the point of a petition. Mildred reiterates that no one is going to sell their houses.
Mr. Gideon talks about a little bar near the Acropolis. Nigel says, "He's bonkers about the Ancient Greeks." Mr. Pluthero says it was a marvelous civilisation, where the friendship of an older man for a lad was not misunderstood.
Mr. Gideon thinks Nigel looks like Apollo. If you put Michelangelo's Apollo on a motorbike, that would be Nigel to a tee. Mr. Pluthero asks Nigel is he likes the bouzouki (a Greek lute). Nigel says, "Nah, I prefer the Yamaha Superbike."
Mr. Pluthero says property is so cheap in Greece, hinting at what they could buy if they sold their house. Then he says they don't want to spoil the social evening by talking about business.
Blind: The Ropers and the trio are now sitting at a table, as Mr. Roper tells war stories. He says that Hitler did his best trying to knock these houses down during the war. Those were good days then, because a man had to do his duty. His wife says that "duty" is one of his favourite words. He was an ARP (Air Raid Precautions) warden then.
Robin excuses himself to go talk with Larry. It's been two months for Larry and he's going to go blind. Any guesses on what he's talking about, wink wink? He's been thinking about asking Jo if she fancies coming for a drive.
Mr. Roper says they used to put stuff in the tea, to keep their minds on the job, probably talking about saltpetre. His wife says, "Off the job, George."
Jo excuses herself from the table. Mr. Roper asks Chrissy if she remembers ration books, but she of course doesn't.
Jo goes over to Robin and Larry. The latter asks her if she has any plans for the rest of the evening.
Mr. Roper is now talking about the food during the war. He says they used to get a bit of meat about that long, showing with his hands. His wife says, "That's what I used to get, George."
Chrissy excuses herself from the table. Mildred says, "Well, George, I think that's a new record. You bored three people in two minutes."
Larry is telling Jo, "Just for a drive, mind you. Fresh air." He puts his arm around her when they walk away from Robin and Chrissy.
Robin tells Chrissy that this gives the two of them a chance to go back to the flat and get it together. He claims he's talking about the petition.
This puts us roughly one-third into the movie, 29 minutes of the 85. To be continued....
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