Dr. Zhivago: On MatH, Mrs. Roper tells Robin he'll fit right into the household. (Because he's sexually mixed-up, too?)
Mildred: Are you sure I can't tempt you?
Robin: Not to a drink, no.
She says she has to go home and "make cocoa for Omar Sharif."
On 3'sC, Jack wants to go home and to bed. Mrs. Roper offers to teach him darts. "I'll show you how to score." Janet suggests he have another beer. Mrs. Roper, except on 3'sC2, chimes in. He refuses them but says yes to the barmaid. The barmaid says there's a call for Janet. Mrs. Roper, referring to the barmaid's chest, says, "Well, I can see I'm outgunned around here." She then delivers the "cocoa" line.
My Beautiful Laundrette: On the phone, Chrissy has just explained about her mother. Jo/Janet asks where Jack's going to stay that night. Brit-Chrissy suggests the laundrette or the railway station. Amer-Chrissy suggests the bus station, but Janet says the cops will pick him up.
Chrissy: How about the 24-hour laundromat?
Janet: The hookers'll pick him up.
Jo/Janet1 doesn't want to tell him and pretends to be a recording (Janet with a nasal voice) before hanging up. On 3'sC2 we instead get this exchange.
Chrissy: Janet, you've got to do something. If it was your mother, I'd do something.
Janet: (happily) Good. Then pretend your mother is my mother and do it.
Carrots: On 3'sC2, Chrissy tries to delay her mother from going to bed by saying they should talk and catch up, but not there, in a motel. "We don't have to use our real names."
On MatH, Chrissy's mother comes out of the bedroom and says that Eleanor seems to have left her football boots behind. Chrissy says they belonged to a boyfriend. She asks if Dad will miss Mother if she doesn't come home that night. "He won't miss me till he runs out of clean underpants."
On both MatH and 3'sC, Chrissy offers to make her mother salad and goes out to get carrots. At this time of night? There's a machine, on the corner. After she leaves, Amer-Chrissy1's mom says, "A carrot machine?"
In the downstairs hallway, George brags about his repair job on the doorbell. He says to tell the young fellow to take the rest of his stuff up himself. Mr. Roper has more important jobs to do. Then the bell falls from the ceiling, on a wire. Chrissy leaves.
Mrs. Roper returns. He tells her he's been working on the bell for 5 hours. She suggests she run a bath and he can scrub her back. He says he'd like to, but he promised to take this lot upstairs. He tells her not to wait up.
War & Peace: Chrissy had suggested on the phone that Robin go see War and Peace, so Jo mentions it to Robin now. On 3'sC, Jack says he doesn't have $20 to throw away on a hotel. ($20 in 1976/7, really? That seems like a lot, even in LA.) Janet suggests the all-night showing of War and Peace, for only $3. Jo says it's the 1932 version, Janet says the original version. It's in the original Russian, and Janet says it's eight hours. Robin/Jack isn't tempted.
Culture note, Robin is smoking, Jack isn't.
Jo/Janet refers to the spare bed. "It's not the spare bed! It's my bed!" Robin/Jack says he'll go back to the flat/apartment, get undressed, and get into bed. "And if anyone is in there, that's their problem."
On MatH, Chrissy is here during this scene, so Jo says she should've told her mother in the first place. Chrissy says it's too late now, although it's not clear why. This is wisely omitted in the American version. On 3'sC, Chrissy comes in as Jack's trying to leave, so both girls grab him by the arms and lead him back to the table, holding him down on it, a nice sight gag.
Cocoa: On 3'sC, Mr Roper is fixing the doorbell. He asks for the screwdriver and Chrissy's mother hands it to him. He asks, "Which mother are you?" She tells him.
On MatH, Mr. Roper and Chrissy's mother are sitting companionably on the couch, drinking cocoa. We find out that the church commissioners own the property, although Mr. Roper still calls himself the landlord.
On both shows, Chrissy's mother says she's sleeping in Eleanor's old room. George seems amused but we don't hear him say anything. On 3'sC however, Stanley says, "Well, I guess you'll be safe enough." She hopes so. He says, "You wouldn't catch me in there, I'm a decent, normal man." She's glad to hear it.
She offers him hot milk. He asks, "Got anything stronger, like cocoa?" He says cocoa if medically proven to help you sleep.
Chrissy's mother: Oh, I believe you.
Stanley: My wife doesn't. You know what she tried to give me once at bedtime? Wheaties. I mean, what's she expect me to do, hit a home run?
Regal Duck: Robin gets Chrissy a drink. He says she's sulking. He offers to walk around the wet streets all night.
Chrissy: You have no intention of doing any such thing.
Robin: Not for a moment.
Jo/Janet1/Amer-Chrissy2 suggests Robin/Jack sleep in their room. He likes the idea. Brit-Chrissy says, "Him? In the same room with two incredibly sexy girls?" Janet2 says, "Him in the same room with us? You in the same room with him?" Amer-Chrissy1 doesn't get any memorable reaction.
Robin/Jack says he'll be on his best behavio(u)r. Then he asks, "Is the bed big enough for three?" Brit-Chrissy says, "He thinks it's his birthday!" Jo says there are two single beds and he won't be sleeping in either of them. Chrissy says, "You'll be cellotaped to the armchair." He says that's better than 4 1/2 hours of War and Peace.
On 3's C1B, Amer-Chrissy1 looks outraged at the "big enough" line, Janet1 mildly annoyed. On 3'sC2, Jack asks the question to Janet as they're leaving. She's furious.
Hiccups: The trio come home. Robin/Jack has hiccups from drinking, four glasses of beer, Jack says. The girls lead him to their bedroom. (Note, the set-up on MatH is confusing. You can't easily map where the rooms of the flat are. On 3'sC, everything leads off the living room, much better for farce.) Robin tries to control his diaphragm but he can't get rid of the hiccups. Jack says he has a surefire cure for hiccups, but he'll need to go to the kitchen.
Amer-Chrissy: You're not leaving this room!
Jack: Anything you say.
On 3'sC1B, we get this exchange that was dropped from the later script.
Jack: OK, who's going to be the lucky girl?
Janet: Both of us.
Jack: (intrigued) Oh yeah?
Janet: (indicating the armchair) You're sleeping here, Big Time.
On 3'sC2, this becomes just her telling "Big Time" he's sleeping in the chair.
Robin starts to take off his shirt, but Brit-Chrissy says he's not getting undressed. He slouches in the chair. "Off you go!" he says, meaning they can get undressed now. Chrissy blindfolds him with a scarf.
On 3'sC, Jack watches as Amer-Chrissy starts to undo her blouse.
Chrissy: You're not going to sit there while we get undressed!
Jack: Will the view be better if I stand?
Janet: (New-Yorky) Go cure your hiccups!
Jack: Whatever happened to the sexual revolution?
On the later version, we get Chrissy's reply, "Your side lost."
'
Lamps: There's a brief scene on MatH. Chrissy's mother turns on Jack's table lamp to check her watch. It's a dirty lamp, with a girl's dress becoming transparent, so that we can see her topless in skimpy black knickers. Chrissy's mother doesn't notice.
On 3'sC, Jack goes in the kitchen, but we stay mostly in the living room. We can hear Jack breathing into a paper bag. Chrissy's mother comes out and looks worried. There's some stage business with a mop that Jack leaves by the sofa, while he's hiding on the floor, making Chrissy's mother put away the mop, saying, "Messy, messy," giving Jack a chance to go back to the girls' room. But the door is locked, so he has to pretend to be a floor lamp, with the shade on his head. She doesn't notice and goes back to bed. Chrissy comes out and he hiccups. She tells him to stop playing games. When they go in the bedroom, he says his hiccups are gone. By now we can hear the thunder.
Beautiful for me: On MatH, Robin says his hiccups are gone, because he's been too busy using his imagination. The girls are now in their nightclothes. Jo is winding her clock. Robin checks the time on his watch. He can apparently see through the blindfold.
Robin: I must say that's a very, very fascinating place where you've got the mole. (The girls look shocked.)
Chrissy: Who?
Robin: You?
Chrissy: Wrong.
He says he's been known to sleep-walk. Chrissy says she's been known to hit sleep-walkers over the head with a clock.
He says he can think of higher things, like football. He'll dream of the score at Wembley. Chrissy says, "You might as well, 'cause you're not gonna score here."
On both shows, the window rattles, either because they didn't close it or because it's stuck. Brit-Chrissy is going to shut it, but she doesn't want Robin to see her in her nightdress, so she makes him do it.
Robin: Say please.
Chrissy: Shove off.
Robin: That's near enough.
On 3'sC, Janet asks Jack to close it.
Jack: Suppose her mother sees me?
Chrissy: I'll do it. Turn around.
Jack does, but he can see her in the mirror. "That's a lovely mole you've got on your thigh." On the later version, we can even see the mole in the mirror ourselves.
While Chrissy's gone, Jack lies on her bed and says, "She's really something. Everywhere you look at her, she's a girl," on the later version starting the line with "Boy, in that nightie...."
Janet: What am I, a gorilla?
Jack: No, you're very bright.
Janet: Ah, more like a chimp.
On the later version, he then tells her, "No, I think you're very cute."
Chrissy comes back in. She can't budge the window and it's raining. Jack says it's up to the man of the house.
Robin in a French accent tells Chrissy, "Make yourself beautiful for me. I shall return." Jack doesn't use an accent when he tells both girls, "I shall return. Meanwhile make yourselves beautiful for me." After he leaves, Brit-Chrissy says, "Bumptious, conceited male chauvinist pig." Janet says, "Of all the vain, arrogant, egotistical--" Jo/Amer-Chrissy says, "He's nice though." Brit-Chrissy/Janet agrees.
Shoes: Chrissy's mother comes in while Robin/Jack is trying to shut the window. He quickly hides on the balcony, on 3'sC falling backwards out of sight. She shuts the window. He's trapped. He taps on the window, on MatH saying hello in a falsetto. Chrissy's mother calls to her. The girls come in. Chrissy denies hearing anything. On 3'sC, Jack knocks on the front door. "I didn't hear that either."
Jo opens the window and lets in Robin, who briefly puts on a Scottish accent. Janet answers the door. Jack is already soaking wet.
Jack: That's it, I don't care whose mother.
Janet: Don't blow it for Chrissy. (louder) Oh, hey, come on in, what a surprise!
Robin/Jack says he was just passing by (less plausibly in Robin's case) and he wanted to invite the girls to an all-night showing of War and Peace. But he can see they're ready for bed. Robin borrows an umbrella, excuses himself, and leaves out the front door. Jack says he'll mosey on his way.
After Robin leaves, Brit-Chrissy's mother notes that he wasn't wearing any shoes.
Jo: That's Robin for you.
On 3'sC2, Amer-Chrissy2's mother exclaims, "Wait, you're not wearing any shoes!"
Chrissy: (panicky) It's against his religion!
Janet: Ah, that is just like Jack, anything to be different. Goodnight, Jack!
On 3'sC1B, it's just Janet saying, "Goodnight, Jack!"
Now that Brit-Chrissy's mother has heard Robin's name, she says, "Robin? Isn't he the young man that shares the flat with you?" Amer-Chrissy's mother says, "Jack? Is this the young man who's sharing the apartment with you?" On both shows, Mr. Roper told her all about it. She thought Robin/Jack must've been away, since the room was empty.
She doesn't mind about Jack living there. On MatH, she says, "Oh, no, Dear, people are doing it all over the place. I shan't worry about you now that you've got a man about the house." The girls are pleased. (Poor Robin! Pointlessly wandering around in the rain all night!)
On 3'sC, Chrissy's mother says, "With all the terrible things going on in this city, it's such a relief that you've got a man to protect you. Or in this case, someone like Jack." He smiles as he gets it, then says, "Well, I promise I'll never let them out of my sight."
After Amer-Chrissy's mother goes to bed, Janet says Jack had better get out of those wet clothes. He says, "I thought you'd never ask." He starts to undo his belt, but Janet says now he can sleep on the sofa. He says, "Goodnight, Janet. Goodnight, Chrissy. Goodnight, John-Boy," a nice little joke, particularly since John Ritter had a recurring role on The Waltons.
Commentary: This is the first example of a Brit-Chrissy plot becoming an Amer-Chrissy plot, despite the differences in their personalities and backgrounds. But then, we've got two very different Chrissies just for 3'sC. I'm not clear why they decided to make Chrissy in the second pilot dubious about "living with a boy." It made sense for Sam in the first pilot to be reluctant, since she'd just met David. But at this point, Chrissy has already agreed to live with Jack. It would make more sense for Janet's character to be suspicious of him, although this is a naughtier Janet than we get later, if less naughty than Jenny. Yes, Chrissy has those conservative parents (at least not racist like Brit-Chrissy's mother), but the plot works just as well on 3'sC2 without Chrissy's reluctance about the living situation. Let other people disapprove. It leaves a bad taste to have one roommate having such mixed feelings, being talked into it. (Yes, Janet has her doubts, but mostly she's cool with it.)
So how's Susan Lanier as Chrissy? (And, yes, there must've been a requirement that they get a "Susan/Suzanne" for the American blonde.) She's not bad. She doesn't have Suzanne Somers's charm, but she does OK. I can see why they replaced her, and rethought the character. It's interesting to see a tougher, naughtier take on Joyce DeWitt's Janet. Jack's arrogance, so prominent on the third American pilot, begins here. I think part of the problem is that there's a humility and politeness to Richard O'Sullivan's Robin, even when he's boasting. John Ritter hasn't yet learned that balance. This is though the pilot where John Ritter starts moving away from David Bell's intellectualism and towards Jack Tripper's pratfalls. This is true of the show as well, although there are still jokes, like the "Capt. Queeg" one, that require some cultural knowledge.
How would David/Sam/Jenny have coped with this plot? They all seem relatively free-spirited, so probably Sam would tell her mother, David would make a speech about our changing society, and Jenny would make some wisecrack. It'd all be over in five minutes.
How do MatH2 and 3'sC2 relate to their previous episodes? Most obviously, in the Robin/Brit-Chrissy and Jack/Janet dynamics. We can see more of the teasing, bantering relationship of Robin and his Chrissy. And while Jack is still ogling his Chrissy, we get more of Janet's protectiveness/jealousy. It's nice that these episodes offer background to the Chrissies, who they are and where they come from. We also see that Brit-Chrissy regards herself as incredibly sexy, while Janet feels like a chimp compared to Amer-Chrissy.
A word on homophobia. Of the three pilots, MatH showed the most homophobic Ropers. Here, Robin's "homosexuality" has suddenly become a non-issue. Yes, Mrs. Roper finds out on 3'sC as well, but Mr. Roper never does. If I recall correctly, on subsequent episodes, Mr. Roper somehow knows on MatH, and he doesn't seem to care, but it's a huge issue for years on 3'sC. On 3'sC, we also get Chrissy's mother implying that Jack isn't quite a man.
I like the introduction of the pubs, which would feature heavily on both shows. Not only is it a new set and a new setting, but it will allow them to interact with new people more than if they're just hanging around home.
From here on out, there will be only two episodes to compare, one MatH, one 3'sC. In cases where a MatH plot didn't make it across the ocean, I'll talk about my theories on why, and speculate on what such an episode might've looked like.
Showing posts with label Pilots. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pilots. Show all posts
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
"And Mother Makes Four," Part One
When they made the second 3'sC pilot, they based it on the second episode of MatH, known as "And Mother Makes Four." They gave everyone new names and recast the girls. Joyce DeWitt became Janet, but Susan Lanier was Chrissy. It was taped on Nov. 5th, 1976, months after the David/Jenny/Sam pilot. On the other hand, MatH's second episode aired a week after its first. And the second episode of 3'sC, with this same plot and name, aired March 24th, 1977, placing #6 in the ratings, after the premiere placed #28.
The differences between these three versions of one plot aren't as sharp as those for the pilots, but still notable. Also, we can see how the second episodes grow out of the first (or don't). Here goes.
It's the same old song: I forgot to mention that MatH's theme song has a laugh track, which is a bit disconcerting. 3'sC1B has that darn "dooty-dooty-doo" song, but at least they've put the trio and the Ropers' in the living room. 3'sC2 has the same actions as before, except this time Mr. Roper somehow gets his plunger disfigured offscreen.
It's raining, it's pouring: The rain that figures so prominently in this plot gets mentioned straight off on MatH, with Chrissy remarking that they never had weather like this before they joined the Common Market. She and Jo have just come home on the Tube, which is packed with men who either grope you or don't. Although Jo has been established as a wretched cook, she still does some of the cooking. There's a ring around today's date (the 15th), which they assume is because Robin is moving in.
On 3'sC2, Janet waters a plant and then, in the almost-New-York accent she slips into in these early episodes, she threatens, "All right, you dumb plant, don't just sit there. Grow!" Chrissy comes in and says she cleaned Jack's room. Janet is glad she's getting used to the idea of Jack moving in.
Chrissy: Not really, but as long as Jack's living here, we ought to make him feel at home.
Janet: I already did my bit. I left the toilet seat up.
Chrissy is still unsure. Janet talked her into letting Jack move in.
Chrissy: He's a man, you know how men are.
Janet: Not lately.
Janet says to look at Jack as one-third of the rent, a watchdog, a cook.
Chrissy: How's he going to be looking at us?
Janet: (suggestively) As his dessert.
Chrissy looks worried, but Janet was just kidding.
On 3'sC2, Chrissy put up clean curtains. Janet put that toilet seat up. She thinks Chrissy is going to spoil Jack, who's used to the YMCA. Chrissy moved a plant into Jack's room. Unaware of this, Janet accidentally waters the table it was on.
Janet1 tells Chrissy she just has to not tempt him. (Blame the victim much?) Janet2 worries that Chrissy gives guys the wrong idea. Bending over, both Amer-Chrissies say, "I'll watch it." The Janets say, "So will he."
Chrissy is worried her father will find out about Jack living there, or "living with a boy" as Chrissy1 puts it. Both Amer-Chrissies moved from Fresno to LA, "Sin City" as her father calls it. She's sure he'll know. Janet says, "He's a minister, not God." On 3'sC2, there's thunder. Janet says the weatherman predicted thunderstorms tonight.
Ring my bell: On MatH, Mr. Roper is trying to fix the doorbell for the building. On 3's C, he's fixing the one for the girls' apartment. When he arrives, Janet calls him "Mr. Roper, our smiling landlord." Mrs. Roper is carrying a stepladder. On 3'sC1B she says she's assisting, which is improved on the later version to "I'm caddying."
Mr. Roper didn't come by the apartment before because he's been very busy. Mrs. Roper says he's been busy napping. He says he was just watching TV with his eyes closed.
Stanley: If I want to sleep, I'll go to bed.
Helen: And if he goes to bed, he wants to sleep.
Stanley: What's wrong with that?
Helen: Oh, fix the doorbell, Stanley. It's time somebody's chimes were rung in this house.
Stanley: You know, it's a shame your fairy roommate hasn't checked in yet...He could fix this without a laddder. He could just fly up.
Helen: You know, Stanley was born with that sense of humor. That and a few other birth defects.
He holds the loose wires of the doorbell, although Helen warns him that this is dangerous. He asks if they've been playing with the wires. Amer-Chrissy2 says, "Maybe it's like shoelaces, if you don't tie the bows tight." Both Janets say, "A girl's gotta have some fun." Mrs. Roper says, "OK, Captain Queeg, you got your confession, now make the bell go ding-dong."
Cabs: On MatH we get an exterior shot of Robin moving many bags, boxes, and suitcases out of a cab, in the rain. The fare is 48 p (pence). He apologises about the jar of pickled onions that broke. The cabbie makes no attempt to help him. On 3'sC, both versions, we get identical scenes of the cabbie walking Jack to the apartment door. Jack has a couple bags of groceries. He apologizes about the pickled onions. He admits that the smell will take a month to get rid of. The fare is $2.75. But when the cabbie hears Mr. Roper screaming every time Jack rings the bell, he returns the money and says, "I didn't hear nothin', I didn't see nothin', and I don't know nothin'!" He flees.
On MatH, the cabbie isn't around to react to Mr. Roper's screams.
Robin: I did ring.
Mr. Roper: Don't you know what knockers are for?
Robin: Is that a riddle?
Amer-Chrissy asks why Mr. Roper is screaming. Mrs. Roper says, "He's trying to tell you someone's ringing your doorbell." Chrissy goes to let Jack in.
We learn that Robin owns a guitar. He doesn't play, he just brings it to parties. Mrs. Roper, who's heading out to the Mucky Duck pub, says that Mr. Roper will "hump" (carry) all of Robin's things upstairs. Before she goes, she says re Robin living at the Y, she can imagine what it's like with all those men, and often has.
Robin/Jack moves in: Chrissy greets Robin by teasing him about how wet he is from the rain. She tells him they need his share of the rent to pay last month's rent. "Put it there. Not your hand. The rent." Mr. Roper comes in with some of the luggage. He complains that he's the landlord, not a servant, but he's happy when Robin tips him 50 p.
Stanley: (to Jack) Couldn't you knock?
Helen: I'd better get him to bed while he's still moving.
Stanley: I don't want to go to bed. I want to watch Name That Tune.
Helen: That's his favorite program. Ever since he guessed "The Star-Spangled Banner" in seven notes.
Amer-Mr. Roper says he'll fix the doorbell later, "unless the, uh, interior decorator would like to do it.
Jack: I'm not an interior decorator.
Stanley: Oh, I thought all you f-- fellows were.
Jack: What fellows?
Stanley: You know. [He makes a Tinkerbell sign. Jack exchanges amused glances with the girls.]
Jack: Not all of us are interior decorators. Some of us are boxers.
Stanley: You'd actually hit another guy?
Jack: Only if he tried to make fun of us. [He cracks his knuckles. Mr. Roper flees.]
On 3'sC1B, Janet tells Jack, "Welcome to Disneyland." On 3'sC2, Chrissy says, "It's only fair [that they carry Jack's things in]. If they were my bags, you'd have to carry them." Jack says, "That almost makes sense." Janet carries two heavy bags. Chrissy carries a small stack of books. Jack thanks her. Janet looks furious.
Then we get the thing about Mrs. Roper imagining the YMCA. She invites everyone to the Regal Beagle. Chrissy explains that this is "a pub, just like they have in England." (Then why did they rename it from the Mucky Duck?) Mrs. Roper says it's nice and cozy. "A little wine, a little bread, a little thou." On 3'sC1B, she strokes his shoulder, very flirtatious.
Jack: No thanks. Not tonight. I've got an early class tomorrow.
Mrs. Roper: Not tonight. That's the perfect title for my autobiography.
After she leaves, Janet says the "put it there" and "last month's rent" lines.
On MatH, there's a scene in Robin's very small bedroom. Chrissy points out the various parts of the flat, including "out of bounds," meaning her room. She tells him that they lock the room at night She goes through his bag of books. Cookbooks and Naked Be My Nympho. On 3'sC1B, Amer-Chrissy goes through the books. The moment is omitted on 3'sC2.
On 3'sC, Jack asks how long he'll have to let Roper think he's gay.
Janet: Oh, as long as you live here. That's the only way he'll allow it.
Jack: Well, just as long as you know different.
On 3'sC1B, Janet says, "You don't have to prove it."
Chrissy: OK, Jack, into the kitchen and show me what you've got.
Jack: Now???
Janet: She means the groceries.
But the phone rings and Chrissy answers it. Back on MatH, it rang while Chrissy was in Robin's bedroom.
Mother, Mother: Brit-Chrissy's mother is calling, apparently from a pay phone. She's shopping in London and she says she'll be at their flat in fifteen minutes. Now we know why the 15th was circled. Chrissy remarks to Jo that her mother visits twice a year, for some reason I can't catch, and "to make sure I haven't married a black man."
Jo: She worries about you.
Chrissy: She'll worry even more when she sees him!
Janet helps Jack put away the groceries. "You always carry your pickled onions loose?"
Chrissy comes in, on 3'sC1B, exclaiming, "Mother! Mother!" Janet says, "Chrissy, don't swear." This is understandably dropped for 3'sC2. Chrissy says that her mother will be there in a few minutes. She's in LA visiting her dentist. (They don't have dentists in Fresno?)
Brit-Chrissy says, "Two girls living in a flat with a fellow. I know what my mother will think.
Jo: They're doing it all over the place.
Chrissy: That's what she'll think.
On 3'sC1B, Jack gets Jo's line, Janet Brit-Chrissy's. But on 3'sC2, Brit-Chrissy's line goes to Amer-Chrissy. On 3'sC2, we also get this exchange.
Janet: I thought your father was the problem.
Jack: Your father's living with two girls?
Jo suggests Chrissy tell her mother what they told the Ropers, that Robin is a "pooft." Chrissy says that her mother thinks that's something you put your feet on (pouffe). She says Robin should go out for a few hours. So when Robin comes in, she tries to send him to the British Museum. He wants to watch Tom & Jerry. (The cartoon?) Chrissy says that's in black & white. "Life is out there, in colour!"
Jo says she'll take Robin to the Mucky Duck. On 3'sC, it's Chrissy's idea for Janet to take Jack to the Regal Beagle. On MatH and 3'sC2, Jo/Janet says, "You'll like it there. The beer is flat but the barmaid's not." Jack says, "Move 'em out!" Robin is more reluctant and frets that it's his personal freshness that makes Chrissy want him to leave. Jo says she'll explain. On 3'sC1B, Janet tells Chrissy to put the toilet seat down.
Mucky Beagle: Jo explains off-camera. Robin says his mother doesn't trust him, so he doesn't see why anyone else should.
Mrs. Roper greets them at the bar. Robin is treating, so she orders "the right one, the bright one, the most beautiful drink in the world." (Apparently a reference to a '70s advert for Martinis.)
Robin: Er, yeah, and one of them.
Mildred: Talking of one of them, you aren't, are you?
Robin says no, that was just Chrissy's little joke. "I'm as normal as Mr. Roper." Mrs. Roper says, "Oh, don't spoil it."
On 3's C, Mrs. Roper is playing darts. She greets Jack and Janet. She invites them to sit and have a drink. Jack ogles the barmaid in the lowcut blouse. He starts to order a jug on 3'sC1B, while on 3'sC2, he says, "I'll have a couple of-- One beer is fine."
Jack2: She's so healthy.
Janet2: Down, Boy.
Mrs. Roper exclaims, "I knew it! You're not gay, are you?" Janet looks terrified.
Helen: Please don't be.
Jack: I'm not.
Helen: I knew it!
Jack: I'm as normal as Mr. Roper.
Helen: Don't spoil it.
Jo/Janet says there's nothing going on in their apartment. Mrs. Roper says, "Well, there's not a lot going on in ours, Dear, and we're married"/ "There's nothing going on in ours either. And we've got a license"/ "There's nothing going on in ours either" (in chronological order).
And Mother makes four: Chrissy's mother arrives. She complains of the London/LA cabs smelling of pickled onions. She observes that the girls had the carpet cleaned. "No, it's just the walls have gotten dirtier."
On MatH, Chrissy's mother makes the not fully explained remark that Dad "has been up for worrying sheep." (I think he's a farmer.) He sent some sort of long, green vegetable.
Amer-Chrissy's mom is catching the 10:45 p.m. bus back to Fresno, to Chrissy's relief.
Chrissy's parents worry about her in London/LA. Brit-Chrissy says she hasn't been mugged in days. It's not just the crimes and muggings. Brit-Chrissy's mother has read wild stories of pop stars and footballers, in the parish magazine, while Amer-Chrissy's mother has read about wild parties and orgies in her husband's church magazine. Brit-Chrissy/Amer-Chrissy2 says, "Mother, I wouldn't know an orgy if I fell over one." Amer-Chrissy2's mother says, "Oh, try not to do that, Dear." Brit-Chrissy elaborates, "They might be at it like knives all over South Kent, but they haven't made it compulsory yet."
Mother asks about the two girls Chrissy lives with. Jo/Janet is fine, but Eleanor left to get married.
Mother: Have you got another girl for her room?
Chrissy: Er, no, we haven't got another girl.
Then Mother can stay the night. Uh oh!
To be continued....
The differences between these three versions of one plot aren't as sharp as those for the pilots, but still notable. Also, we can see how the second episodes grow out of the first (or don't). Here goes.
It's the same old song: I forgot to mention that MatH's theme song has a laugh track, which is a bit disconcerting. 3'sC1B has that darn "dooty-dooty-doo" song, but at least they've put the trio and the Ropers' in the living room. 3'sC2 has the same actions as before, except this time Mr. Roper somehow gets his plunger disfigured offscreen.
It's raining, it's pouring: The rain that figures so prominently in this plot gets mentioned straight off on MatH, with Chrissy remarking that they never had weather like this before they joined the Common Market. She and Jo have just come home on the Tube, which is packed with men who either grope you or don't. Although Jo has been established as a wretched cook, she still does some of the cooking. There's a ring around today's date (the 15th), which they assume is because Robin is moving in.
On 3'sC2, Janet waters a plant and then, in the almost-New-York accent she slips into in these early episodes, she threatens, "All right, you dumb plant, don't just sit there. Grow!" Chrissy comes in and says she cleaned Jack's room. Janet is glad she's getting used to the idea of Jack moving in.
Chrissy: Not really, but as long as Jack's living here, we ought to make him feel at home.
Janet: I already did my bit. I left the toilet seat up.
Chrissy is still unsure. Janet talked her into letting Jack move in.
Chrissy: He's a man, you know how men are.
Janet: Not lately.
Janet says to look at Jack as one-third of the rent, a watchdog, a cook.
Chrissy: How's he going to be looking at us?
Janet: (suggestively) As his dessert.
Chrissy looks worried, but Janet was just kidding.
On 3'sC2, Chrissy put up clean curtains. Janet put that toilet seat up. She thinks Chrissy is going to spoil Jack, who's used to the YMCA. Chrissy moved a plant into Jack's room. Unaware of this, Janet accidentally waters the table it was on.
Janet1 tells Chrissy she just has to not tempt him. (Blame the victim much?) Janet2 worries that Chrissy gives guys the wrong idea. Bending over, both Amer-Chrissies say, "I'll watch it." The Janets say, "So will he."
Chrissy is worried her father will find out about Jack living there, or "living with a boy" as Chrissy1 puts it. Both Amer-Chrissies moved from Fresno to LA, "Sin City" as her father calls it. She's sure he'll know. Janet says, "He's a minister, not God." On 3'sC2, there's thunder. Janet says the weatherman predicted thunderstorms tonight.
Ring my bell: On MatH, Mr. Roper is trying to fix the doorbell for the building. On 3's C, he's fixing the one for the girls' apartment. When he arrives, Janet calls him "Mr. Roper, our smiling landlord." Mrs. Roper is carrying a stepladder. On 3'sC1B she says she's assisting, which is improved on the later version to "I'm caddying."
Mr. Roper didn't come by the apartment before because he's been very busy. Mrs. Roper says he's been busy napping. He says he was just watching TV with his eyes closed.
Stanley: If I want to sleep, I'll go to bed.
Helen: And if he goes to bed, he wants to sleep.
Stanley: What's wrong with that?
Helen: Oh, fix the doorbell, Stanley. It's time somebody's chimes were rung in this house.
Stanley: You know, it's a shame your fairy roommate hasn't checked in yet...He could fix this without a laddder. He could just fly up.
Helen: You know, Stanley was born with that sense of humor. That and a few other birth defects.
He holds the loose wires of the doorbell, although Helen warns him that this is dangerous. He asks if they've been playing with the wires. Amer-Chrissy2 says, "Maybe it's like shoelaces, if you don't tie the bows tight." Both Janets say, "A girl's gotta have some fun." Mrs. Roper says, "OK, Captain Queeg, you got your confession, now make the bell go ding-dong."
Cabs: On MatH we get an exterior shot of Robin moving many bags, boxes, and suitcases out of a cab, in the rain. The fare is 48 p (pence). He apologises about the jar of pickled onions that broke. The cabbie makes no attempt to help him. On 3'sC, both versions, we get identical scenes of the cabbie walking Jack to the apartment door. Jack has a couple bags of groceries. He apologizes about the pickled onions. He admits that the smell will take a month to get rid of. The fare is $2.75. But when the cabbie hears Mr. Roper screaming every time Jack rings the bell, he returns the money and says, "I didn't hear nothin', I didn't see nothin', and I don't know nothin'!" He flees.
On MatH, the cabbie isn't around to react to Mr. Roper's screams.
Robin: I did ring.
Mr. Roper: Don't you know what knockers are for?
Robin: Is that a riddle?
Amer-Chrissy asks why Mr. Roper is screaming. Mrs. Roper says, "He's trying to tell you someone's ringing your doorbell." Chrissy goes to let Jack in.
We learn that Robin owns a guitar. He doesn't play, he just brings it to parties. Mrs. Roper, who's heading out to the Mucky Duck pub, says that Mr. Roper will "hump" (carry) all of Robin's things upstairs. Before she goes, she says re Robin living at the Y, she can imagine what it's like with all those men, and often has.
Robin/Jack moves in: Chrissy greets Robin by teasing him about how wet he is from the rain. She tells him they need his share of the rent to pay last month's rent. "Put it there. Not your hand. The rent." Mr. Roper comes in with some of the luggage. He complains that he's the landlord, not a servant, but he's happy when Robin tips him 50 p.
Stanley: (to Jack) Couldn't you knock?
Helen: I'd better get him to bed while he's still moving.
Stanley: I don't want to go to bed. I want to watch Name That Tune.
Helen: That's his favorite program. Ever since he guessed "The Star-Spangled Banner" in seven notes.
Amer-Mr. Roper says he'll fix the doorbell later, "unless the, uh, interior decorator would like to do it.
Jack: I'm not an interior decorator.
Stanley: Oh, I thought all you f-- fellows were.
Jack: What fellows?
Stanley: You know. [He makes a Tinkerbell sign. Jack exchanges amused glances with the girls.]
Jack: Not all of us are interior decorators. Some of us are boxers.
Stanley: You'd actually hit another guy?
Jack: Only if he tried to make fun of us. [He cracks his knuckles. Mr. Roper flees.]
On 3'sC1B, Janet tells Jack, "Welcome to Disneyland." On 3'sC2, Chrissy says, "It's only fair [that they carry Jack's things in]. If they were my bags, you'd have to carry them." Jack says, "That almost makes sense." Janet carries two heavy bags. Chrissy carries a small stack of books. Jack thanks her. Janet looks furious.
Then we get the thing about Mrs. Roper imagining the YMCA. She invites everyone to the Regal Beagle. Chrissy explains that this is "a pub, just like they have in England." (Then why did they rename it from the Mucky Duck?) Mrs. Roper says it's nice and cozy. "A little wine, a little bread, a little thou." On 3'sC1B, she strokes his shoulder, very flirtatious.
Jack: No thanks. Not tonight. I've got an early class tomorrow.
Mrs. Roper: Not tonight. That's the perfect title for my autobiography.
After she leaves, Janet says the "put it there" and "last month's rent" lines.
On MatH, there's a scene in Robin's very small bedroom. Chrissy points out the various parts of the flat, including "out of bounds," meaning her room. She tells him that they lock the room at night She goes through his bag of books. Cookbooks and Naked Be My Nympho. On 3'sC1B, Amer-Chrissy goes through the books. The moment is omitted on 3'sC2.
On 3'sC, Jack asks how long he'll have to let Roper think he's gay.
Janet: Oh, as long as you live here. That's the only way he'll allow it.
Jack: Well, just as long as you know different.
On 3'sC1B, Janet says, "You don't have to prove it."
Chrissy: OK, Jack, into the kitchen and show me what you've got.
Jack: Now???
Janet: She means the groceries.
But the phone rings and Chrissy answers it. Back on MatH, it rang while Chrissy was in Robin's bedroom.
Mother, Mother: Brit-Chrissy's mother is calling, apparently from a pay phone. She's shopping in London and she says she'll be at their flat in fifteen minutes. Now we know why the 15th was circled. Chrissy remarks to Jo that her mother visits twice a year, for some reason I can't catch, and "to make sure I haven't married a black man."
Jo: She worries about you.
Chrissy: She'll worry even more when she sees him!
Janet helps Jack put away the groceries. "You always carry your pickled onions loose?"
Chrissy comes in, on 3'sC1B, exclaiming, "Mother! Mother!" Janet says, "Chrissy, don't swear." This is understandably dropped for 3'sC2. Chrissy says that her mother will be there in a few minutes. She's in LA visiting her dentist. (They don't have dentists in Fresno?)
Brit-Chrissy says, "Two girls living in a flat with a fellow. I know what my mother will think.
Jo: They're doing it all over the place.
Chrissy: That's what she'll think.
On 3'sC1B, Jack gets Jo's line, Janet Brit-Chrissy's. But on 3'sC2, Brit-Chrissy's line goes to Amer-Chrissy. On 3'sC2, we also get this exchange.
Janet: I thought your father was the problem.
Jack: Your father's living with two girls?
Jo suggests Chrissy tell her mother what they told the Ropers, that Robin is a "pooft." Chrissy says that her mother thinks that's something you put your feet on (pouffe). She says Robin should go out for a few hours. So when Robin comes in, she tries to send him to the British Museum. He wants to watch Tom & Jerry. (The cartoon?) Chrissy says that's in black & white. "Life is out there, in colour!"
Jo says she'll take Robin to the Mucky Duck. On 3'sC, it's Chrissy's idea for Janet to take Jack to the Regal Beagle. On MatH and 3'sC2, Jo/Janet says, "You'll like it there. The beer is flat but the barmaid's not." Jack says, "Move 'em out!" Robin is more reluctant and frets that it's his personal freshness that makes Chrissy want him to leave. Jo says she'll explain. On 3'sC1B, Janet tells Chrissy to put the toilet seat down.
Mucky Beagle: Jo explains off-camera. Robin says his mother doesn't trust him, so he doesn't see why anyone else should.
Mrs. Roper greets them at the bar. Robin is treating, so she orders "the right one, the bright one, the most beautiful drink in the world." (Apparently a reference to a '70s advert for Martinis.)
Robin: Er, yeah, and one of them.
Mildred: Talking of one of them, you aren't, are you?
Robin says no, that was just Chrissy's little joke. "I'm as normal as Mr. Roper." Mrs. Roper says, "Oh, don't spoil it."
On 3's C, Mrs. Roper is playing darts. She greets Jack and Janet. She invites them to sit and have a drink. Jack ogles the barmaid in the lowcut blouse. He starts to order a jug on 3'sC1B, while on 3'sC2, he says, "I'll have a couple of-- One beer is fine."
Jack2: She's so healthy.
Janet2: Down, Boy.
Mrs. Roper exclaims, "I knew it! You're not gay, are you?" Janet looks terrified.
Helen: Please don't be.
Jack: I'm not.
Helen: I knew it!
Jack: I'm as normal as Mr. Roper.
Helen: Don't spoil it.
Jo/Janet says there's nothing going on in their apartment. Mrs. Roper says, "Well, there's not a lot going on in ours, Dear, and we're married"/ "There's nothing going on in ours either. And we've got a license"/ "There's nothing going on in ours either" (in chronological order).
And Mother makes four: Chrissy's mother arrives. She complains of the London/LA cabs smelling of pickled onions. She observes that the girls had the carpet cleaned. "No, it's just the walls have gotten dirtier."
On MatH, Chrissy's mother makes the not fully explained remark that Dad "has been up for worrying sheep." (I think he's a farmer.) He sent some sort of long, green vegetable.
Amer-Chrissy's mom is catching the 10:45 p.m. bus back to Fresno, to Chrissy's relief.
Chrissy's parents worry about her in London/LA. Brit-Chrissy says she hasn't been mugged in days. It's not just the crimes and muggings. Brit-Chrissy's mother has read wild stories of pop stars and footballers, in the parish magazine, while Amer-Chrissy's mother has read about wild parties and orgies in her husband's church magazine. Brit-Chrissy/Amer-Chrissy2 says, "Mother, I wouldn't know an orgy if I fell over one." Amer-Chrissy2's mother says, "Oh, try not to do that, Dear." Brit-Chrissy elaborates, "They might be at it like knives all over South Kent, but they haven't made it compulsory yet."
Mother asks about the two girls Chrissy lives with. Jo/Janet is fine, but Eleanor left to get married.
Mother: Have you got another girl for her room?
Chrissy: Er, no, we haven't got another girl.
Then Mother can stay the night. Uh oh!
To be continued....
Final Pilot Thoughts
I asked how well these pilots introduce the characters. I feel like we have a fairly good idea of the MatH trio, Robin and Chrissy more so than Jo, the Ropers pretty well. We don't yet know what the girls do for a living, but we at least have an idea what their personalities are like. We get more of a back story on the other two sets of girls but I don't know that we know them any better, other than that Sam seems close to her family. David, with his tendency to make speeches and his intellectualism (or is it pseudo-intellectualism?) is sketched in, although it feels less natural than the casual way we learn about Robin being from Southhampton and liking pub signs on his underwear. The Ropers we learn are unhappily married, he more sexually repressed than she.
I also asked if we care if and how things work out for the characters. I've got to say that although the 3'sC1A trio seems nice enough, the attempt to give them, especially David, a '60s drifting quality doesn't exactly make me feel like they're going to last out a year, let alone the 7 years Jack and Janet manage together. If David keeps jobs for only 2 weeks, and we don't know how long he's in film school, then there's no need to for him, or us, to stick around. At least in Jack's case, we know he'll graduate in 1980. (The show will go on, but no one could've predicted that at the beginning.) Sam and Jenny seem to just be a pleasant chapter in David's life. Robin seems to fit right in on MatH, and the three of them seem to like each other. As for Jack, I was surprised in watching the pilot again how arrogant he comes across. Yes, Robin boasts a bit, but he also seems rather down to earth. Even David is, as Jenny says, nice, but I don't get the impression that Janet particularly wants to live with Jack.
The other thing to note is that I already know that there's an undercurrent of Robin/Chrissy throughout MatH, although there's not much hint of it in the pilot. Jenny seems pretty smitten with David, although that might be partly due to Valerie Curtin's slightly loopy line readings. (I've seen her in a lot of other things, it's just her style.) Jack, as noted, lusts after Chrissy, who has a low melting point. Ironically, even though the situation of this sitcom involves "a certain matter of sex," there's more talk about sex, especially kinky sex in 3'sC1A, than actual sex. Then again, that's the way things went on the shows overall. But, oh, how they love to tease us!
Would I have watched these programs if I just saw the pilots? Well, I was 5 and living thousands of miles away when MatH debuted, but if it had been one of those Britcoms I saw as a teen in the '80s, like Solo, then yeah, I guess I'd have kept watching. Obviously I did in the case of 3'sC, although as I said, I can't swear to it that I started right in with the pilot. If I'd seen 3'sC1A in '76, when I was 8, no, I don't think I'd have kept going. All the cultural references would've flown over my head, and it would've lacked the goofiness that drew me into the revamped show. (The script is by Larry Gelbart, best known for M*A*S*H*.) Watching the pilots now, I don't know. It's hard to step back that much. But it is interesting to see what changes were made from pilot to pilot, how lines got rephrased, reassigned, or dropped. Notice that it wasn't a matter of Brit-Chrissy = Amer-Chrissy, but neither are all the blondes equivalent, or all the brunettes. It'll be interesting to trace how this plays out over the course of the show.
I also asked if we care if and how things work out for the characters. I've got to say that although the 3'sC1A trio seems nice enough, the attempt to give them, especially David, a '60s drifting quality doesn't exactly make me feel like they're going to last out a year, let alone the 7 years Jack and Janet manage together. If David keeps jobs for only 2 weeks, and we don't know how long he's in film school, then there's no need to for him, or us, to stick around. At least in Jack's case, we know he'll graduate in 1980. (The show will go on, but no one could've predicted that at the beginning.) Sam and Jenny seem to just be a pleasant chapter in David's life. Robin seems to fit right in on MatH, and the three of them seem to like each other. As for Jack, I was surprised in watching the pilot again how arrogant he comes across. Yes, Robin boasts a bit, but he also seems rather down to earth. Even David is, as Jenny says, nice, but I don't get the impression that Janet particularly wants to live with Jack.
The other thing to note is that I already know that there's an undercurrent of Robin/Chrissy throughout MatH, although there's not much hint of it in the pilot. Jenny seems pretty smitten with David, although that might be partly due to Valerie Curtin's slightly loopy line readings. (I've seen her in a lot of other things, it's just her style.) Jack, as noted, lusts after Chrissy, who has a low melting point. Ironically, even though the situation of this sitcom involves "a certain matter of sex," there's more talk about sex, especially kinky sex in 3'sC1A, than actual sex. Then again, that's the way things went on the shows overall. But, oh, how they love to tease us!
Would I have watched these programs if I just saw the pilots? Well, I was 5 and living thousands of miles away when MatH debuted, but if it had been one of those Britcoms I saw as a teen in the '80s, like Solo, then yeah, I guess I'd have kept watching. Obviously I did in the case of 3'sC, although as I said, I can't swear to it that I started right in with the pilot. If I'd seen 3'sC1A in '76, when I was 8, no, I don't think I'd have kept going. All the cultural references would've flown over my head, and it would've lacked the goofiness that drew me into the revamped show. (The script is by Larry Gelbart, best known for M*A*S*H*.) Watching the pilots now, I don't know. It's hard to step back that much. But it is interesting to see what changes were made from pilot to pilot, how lines got rephrased, reassigned, or dropped. Notice that it wasn't a matter of Brit-Chrissy = Amer-Chrissy, but neither are all the blondes equivalent, or all the brunettes. It'll be interesting to trace how this plays out over the course of the show.
Pilots, Part Two
It's just a thought: There's no exact equivalent on either of the other two pilots, but on 3'sC1A, before the girls have even sampled David's cooking, they talk in the living room. Jenny asks what Sam thinks of David, and Sam says he seems nice. Jenny wants him to move in.
Sam: He could be a sex fiend!
Jenny: Then we won't charge as much.
Sam says that there's a girl coming to look at the place, so they'll just leave it at that. Jenny says, "It's just a thought."
Prospective roommate: The doorbell rings. I can't remember if it was here or earlier, but when Sam goes to answer it, Jenny muses that that's how Eleanor got pregnant, answering the door. On MatH, it's a woman who's answering an advert they haven't yet placed. She actually heard about the vacant room from a friend of a friend of a friend. This woman is very talkative. She has shortish brown hair and wears a frilly blouse with a black vest. On 3'sC, they're expecting the woman. On the first pilot she says, "Number Seven, Hacienda Palms? I called yesterday." She has a high voice and a vaguely hippie-ish look, with a head scarf and flowing clothes. On the later pilot, she has a deep voice. She's very brisk and wears a black pantsuit with a white scarf and a white blouse. Earlier, the girls were worried about the prospective roommate finding Jack in the tub, but Chrissy now tells her she can use the bathroom. "Must I?"
Woman#1 thinks wallpaper helps a room.
Woman#1: Is it gas or electric?
Jo: What, the wallpaper?
Woman#1: The flat, silly!
Woman#2, whom Sam has identified as Zoe, exclaims, "Wallpaper! I just love wallpaper! It's like the room is wearing clothes or something!" Woman#3 doesn't notice the wallpaper. Her name is Patricia Crawford. Before cutting back to the Ropers' again, we learn that Zoe had an EST-like experience, 200 people locked in a room, throwing up for 48 hours. Woman#1 tells the girls she's "a chilly mortal" and she "can't bear cold feet, can you?" Chrissy says, "Depends who they're attached to."
Cutting back to the Ropers': Mrs. Roper tells Mr. Roper about the man upstairs. Brit-Mildred/Helen is putting on eye makeup during this scene, and Brit-Mildred is no longer in a dressing gown, but in a '50s/Peg Bundy look, with a pink scarf, black top, and pink capris. "He was in a pink satin robe/ girls' dressing gown, but he didn't fool me," Brit-Mildred/Helen says.
Mr. Roper: Are you sure it was a man? They all look alike these days.
Mrs. Roper: Not to me, they don't. Besides, I saw his chest hairs, peeping out.
Mr. Roper: That doesn't prove much. Look at your mother.
Brit-George/Amer-George says the man is probably planning to spend the night. "He already has."
Amer-George: You know what I'd like to do? I'd like to take those two girls and put one over each knee and give them a good spanking!
Amer-Mildred: Ah, George, those were the days.
Stanley: I wonder what's going on up there.
Helen: Oh, probably something delightfully kinky that only three can play.
Stanley storms out to "bounce him out on his ear."
Horrible hairy thing: Woman#1 is still talking. Brit-Chrissy introduces her to "Robin thingy." He shakes her hand. She doesn't seem particularly surprised to see a man in a gold dressing gown. Sam quickly introduces Zoe to "David something."
Zoe: If your friend likes to slip into things, my brother wears the same size. [How would she know?]
Sam: I wouldn't exactly call him a friend.
Patricia says the apartment is small, "but most of the time I'll be out here chin-wagging with you gals." Chrissy says, "This is the kitchen, where we chin our wags." She introduces Jack Tripper. Patricia definitely looks surprised, even shocked. Jo/Amer-Chrissy says they found Robin/Jack in the bathtub. Woman#1/Patricia says she found a spider in the tub. "Horrible hairy thing. I just opened my mouth and screamed. I've kept a plug in it ever since." Brit-Chrissy's line to Jo, "She could've fooled me," is partially obscured by laughter, while we can clearly hear Janet say the line. On the other hand, the joke works better on MatH because Woman#1 seems much chattier.
Jenny asks Zoe to leave her number. Zoe has it on a matchbook, she goes with the printer.
Brit-Chrissy asks the woman's name. "Gabrielle. But my friends call me Gabby," a pun. Janet starts to call the woman Patricia.
Pat: My friends call me Pattikins.
Janet: OK. (pause) Patricia.
One of the girls tells the woman that there are other girls coming over to look at the place (they hope). Mr. Roper comes over. He says the woman's outfit doesn't fool him. Brit-George/Amer-George says there are no male visitors allowed after twelve. (No one points out that it's now broad daylight.) Brit-George/Stanley orders the visitor, "Take those clothes off!" Patricia says, "I beg your pardon?" Stanley makes fun of her deep voice. Before Gabrielle can really react, Brit-George says she's not even convincing.
Mr. Roper points at the woman's chest and says that it doesn't look real, then he pokes it! We don't get a clear view of this on 3'sC1A, but it looks real on the other two pilots. Brit-George is embarrassed but amused by his mistake. Amer-George/Stanley is so stunned that he curls up his finger. Gabrielle slaps Mr. Roper and calls him a dirty old man. Patricia is very shocked and she hits him with her purse after calling him a dirty old man. Spacy Zoe on the other hand takes it in stride. When Mr. Roper exclaims, "It's real!" She says, "So's the other one." As Brit-George/Stanley exits, he says, "It's a mistake anyone could make. They don't look real." Amer-George's exit line, "It's just they looked different in my day," doesn't even make sense. Zoe cheerfully tells him, "Goodbye, Mr. Groper."
Gabrielle/Patricia holds her chest protectively and exclaims, "He squeezed my bosoms," Patricia pronouncing it in a funnier way. Jo says he must be overdoing something that sounds like "Filosan," while Amer-Chrissy muses, "Do you think he's taking too much Geritol?" Jenny's theory is that it "must be springtime in the fish tank." Gabrielle/Patricia exits saying she couldn't live in the same house (in the sense of building) with a man who'd do something like that. "He didn't even say please." Brit-Chrissy calls him Roper the Groper. Janet and Chrissy do "oh darn" finger-snaps. Zoe's exit line is "Dirty old men have always been very good to me." Jenny describes her to Sam as "banana-person."
Bon Appetit: The girls return to the kitchen. Robin/David politely tells them where to sit. Jack carefully seats Chrissy, but doesn't care where Janet sits. Brit-Chrissy/Jenny apologis/zes about the cutlery/silverware, "but that's British Rail/Howard Johnson's for you." (I guess HoJo's was funnier than Amtrak.) Jack is the one to apologize, but in a conceited way, "I hope it's all right. It's the best I could do under these primitive conditions."
Brit-Chrissy says the food "looks good. Smells good. And by God, it's revolting." Robin looks genuinely hurt, but she's just teasing. Jenny says, "This is not chewing. My teeth are applauding," which doesn't even make sense. Janet and Amer-Chrissy murmur their appreciation. "Oh, it's nothing really. Any genius could've done it." Robin/Jack says the name of his specialty.
Jo/Amer-Chrissy: What's that?
Robin/Jack: French. I eventually want to open a little restaurant for people who can really appreciate high prices.
Jo says he'll make someone a lovely wife someday. Sam reluctantly admits the food is very nice. Amer-Chrissy says, "This breakfast is good enough to eat." The man says he was happy for the chance to cook, since he doesn't get to at the Y, where he's staying. (Yes, even on the British show.) He hopes to find a place, but he'll probably have to share with someone.
Brit-Chrissy/Amer-Chrissy: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Jo/Janet: I might be./ I think so.
David asks what the commotion was with Zoe.
Jenny: We're just looking for someone to share the place. Someone who has a sense of humor. Someone who's strong and can make us feel more secure about living in Tinseltown.
Sam: Jenny, don't start.
David: I wish you luck. It's hard to find girls like that anymore.
Amer-Chrissy takes Jack's hand as she makes the invitation. "I like it already." But Janet wants to talk it over first. She and Chrissy take the food with them into the living room.
Low melting point: This scene is interesting for a couple reasons. One, there's no parallel in the earlier shows. And two, the funniest and raciest part got hacked out of syndication, so I don't think I ever saw it till DVD. Janet and Amer-Chrissy go over the pluses and minuses. Jack is a great cook and he'd be good protection. (Mrs. Roper had mentioned some burglaries in the neighborhood.) And he's very good-looking, which is a minus. Janet points out that Chrissy has "a very low melting point."
Janet: Look what happened with Frank.
Chrissy: I know. But Frank seemed so nice. He said he wanted me for a friend.
Janet: Yeah. And the next night he brought the friend.
Syndication picked up after "low melting point" with Chrissy saying, "You're right, but with Jack I'll be strong." Janet says Chrissy can't help herself. So Chrissy says Janet will have to be strong for both of them. Janet looks dismayed.
Meanwhile at the Ropers': I hope you're getting used to this cutting back and forth between flats/apartments. It's a standard feature of both shows (until the Ropers spin off onto The Ropers). Mr. Roper insists that it was a woman, he has a sensitive finger. Mrs. Roper says she knows a man when she sees one, mainly from memory, since it's been awhile since Mr. Roper laid his finger on her. Amer-Mildred says George has "erotic amnesia." He says, "I'll match my masculinity against yours any day." Brit-Mildred sleeps with a "sauna belt" (huh?), and George says it's like going to bed with the Michelin Man. Amer-Mildred tried wearing see-through nightgowns. "That was your first mistake." Stanley tells Helen she has "enough mouth for three lips."
An offer he can't refuse, or can he?: Sam cries over the home-cooking, the way the yellow eggs run out onto the ham. "All I could see was my mother's face." She says that her father "always said that breakfast had to be the first meal of the day." David sincerely says, "I feel the same way, Sam."
The girls suggest the man move in. They'll have to share everything, which Jack takes suggestively. Brit-Chrissy says that rent and such is "all we'd be sharing. One grope, Mate, and you'd be out."
Robin: I wouldn't dream of it.
Brit-Chrissy: You can dream of it as long as you don't make too much noise.
Robin worries what would happen if he "pulls a girl," then corrects this to bringing his girlfriend in for a quiet chat. Jo says they'd go to the pictures. The question doesn't come up on 3'sC, although it will feature in many plots later. Robin also worries that there's no lock on the loo door, and he bathes in the nude. "No!" Chrissy teases. She suggests he sing in the bath, like they do.
David: But you're women.
Sam: (adoringly, rather than as the line would seem to call for, sarcastically) Nothing gets by you, does it?
David says it would be a very tricky set-up. Sam says he's a much better cook than Eleanor.
Jenny: And you can't get pregnant on us.
David: You can't tell. I'm very popular.
Besides, Robin/David said he'd phone someone who's looking for a roommate. He borrows their phone.
Jo: Oh well, back to instant porridge, instant mash.
Brit-Chrissy: Instant indigestion.
The girls are amused that he's calling someone he met at the party, Douglas. Brit-Chrissy clues us in by doing a limp wrist. She calls Douglas divine. Jo says ducky. They giggle in the background. The American girls smile but say nothing. Douglas, who prefers to be called Dougy, had a tiff/spat with his roommate Geoffrey/Gregory.
Robin: Gay? Er, well you know. I'm a reasonably happy chap...Oh, sorry, that gay. (He deepens his voice.)
David: Buy? No, I don't want to buy. I want to rent. Oh, am I bi?
Robin/David says he can't move in. "No, that's not it. I didn't even know you wore a toupee." After he hangs up, Jo says he'd never have had to buy himself another box of chocolates. Jenny says, "You could've been up to your navel in turquoise." Robin/David reconsiders the offer. They tease that he's on the rebound. We learn that the American rent is $55/month each. Jo has him do the washing up, while Jenny more fairly says, "You wash, we'll dry." Robin puts on his knickers, "still a bit damp around the Prospect of Whitcombe" (sp?).
At various places in the pilots, Brit-Chrissy/Jenny/Janet tells Robin/David/Jack, any fooling around and they'll "take him straight to the vet." (It's in the closing tag of the earlier pilot, a scene that doesn't have an exact parallel in the other pilots.)
Jo/Sam/Amer-Chrissy says he can move in when he likes because the room is empty.
The Ropers drop by together this time. Mr. Roper says they're having a disagreement about "a certain matter of sex." (Stanley is the most uptight on this line delivery.) Brit-Chrissy/Jenny/Amer-Chrissy says, "Do you want to borrow a book/ our manual?" Mrs. Roper points out the man in drag. Mr. Roper says this isn't the man he saw earlier, and pokes Robin/David/Jack's chest.
Brit-Chrissy/Amer-Chrissy: This is our landlord and he's always doing that.
Jenny: That's our landlord. That's a new thing of his.
"How do you do? I'm Robin Tripp and I shall be moving in." Mr. Roper starts to describe Gabrielle and then he reacts. "You'll be doing no such thing!" He won't have "a fellow moving in with two birds."
"Nice to meet you, Sir. I'm going to be moving in here." Amer-George immediately reacts to David's announcement.
"Hi, Tripper. Jack Tripper. I'm moving in here." Mr. Roper keeps talking and then reacts. "Oh, no, you're not!"
Jo/Sam/Jack says it's "purely platonic.
Mr. Roper: What does that mean?
Mrs. Roper: Like you and me, George/Stanley.
Brit-George says, "I'm not having it." Chrissy says, "Neither would he be." Stanley says, "Even so, you can't move in here."
Robin/David/Jack says he'll put his trousers/pants on. Mrs. Roper, moving closer in the British version, says, "If you must, you must." Mr. Roper demands to know why the man had his trousers/pants off. Helen says they probably clashed with his dressing gown. Brit-Chrissy/Jenny says she can explain.
Changing trousers, changing society: In the kitchen, Jo/Sam/Amer-Chrissy and Robin/David/Jack talk. Robin says it's a permissive society, "the swinging '70s. Andy Warhol, Flesh, Trash, anything goes." Then he makes Jo turn away while he puts on his trousers.
Sam: I think Mr. Roper has a lot of preconceived fantasies.
David: I understand. His generation can be very uptight about anything that even hints at sex. Could you, uh, turn around while I put my pants on?"
David will probably have to return to the Y, "the Horatio Alger Suite." Robin offers to leave behind the recipe for breakfast, but Jo says the way she cooks it'd be sacrilege. Jack doesn't give a speech and he doesn't ask Chrissy to look away, although she does.
Robin suggests he grovel to Mr. Roper. Sam says David should talk to Mr. Roper, "grovel." Jack and Chrissy are more defiant, he planning to "lay into Mr. Roper," she with her hands on her hips as they stride back to the living room.
The Situation: Robin accidentally says Mr. Groper, but is very humble and polite. Jack is confrontational. And David of course starts to give a speech: "Mr. Roper, each time has its own realities. People must not superimpose their values on others. Now if we freely and willingly select a mode of living--"
Mr. Roper interrupts. Brit-Chrissy/Jenny/Janet explained it all. Brit-George won't shake hands though and he and Mildred leave quickly, looking very uncomfortable. The American Mrs. Ropers are maternal, calling the new roomie Dear, patting or pinching his cheek. The American Ropers exit smiling.
Brit-Chrissy seems very smug, whistling and crossing her arms. She says she set Mr. Roper's mind at rest, "mainly about the sex bit." She sits Robin down and puts her arm around his shoulder. She says he'll probably have to wear the dressing gown for the rest of his life, since she told Mr. Roper "you're a pooft." Robin winces. We don't see Jo's reaction.
Jenny says she reasoned with the Ropers, appealed to their common sense and logic. "And I told them you were gay." David and Sam are stunned.
Janet: I told him that Jack was a decent, respectable, hard-working young man.
Jack: And that did it?
Janet: Not quite. I also told him you were gay.
Chrissy is amused. Jack is so surprised that he falls off the couch.
Commentary next time!
Sam: He could be a sex fiend!
Jenny: Then we won't charge as much.
Sam says that there's a girl coming to look at the place, so they'll just leave it at that. Jenny says, "It's just a thought."
Prospective roommate: The doorbell rings. I can't remember if it was here or earlier, but when Sam goes to answer it, Jenny muses that that's how Eleanor got pregnant, answering the door. On MatH, it's a woman who's answering an advert they haven't yet placed. She actually heard about the vacant room from a friend of a friend of a friend. This woman is very talkative. She has shortish brown hair and wears a frilly blouse with a black vest. On 3'sC, they're expecting the woman. On the first pilot she says, "Number Seven, Hacienda Palms? I called yesterday." She has a high voice and a vaguely hippie-ish look, with a head scarf and flowing clothes. On the later pilot, she has a deep voice. She's very brisk and wears a black pantsuit with a white scarf and a white blouse. Earlier, the girls were worried about the prospective roommate finding Jack in the tub, but Chrissy now tells her she can use the bathroom. "Must I?"
Woman#1 thinks wallpaper helps a room.
Woman#1: Is it gas or electric?
Jo: What, the wallpaper?
Woman#1: The flat, silly!
Woman#2, whom Sam has identified as Zoe, exclaims, "Wallpaper! I just love wallpaper! It's like the room is wearing clothes or something!" Woman#3 doesn't notice the wallpaper. Her name is Patricia Crawford. Before cutting back to the Ropers' again, we learn that Zoe had an EST-like experience, 200 people locked in a room, throwing up for 48 hours. Woman#1 tells the girls she's "a chilly mortal" and she "can't bear cold feet, can you?" Chrissy says, "Depends who they're attached to."
Cutting back to the Ropers': Mrs. Roper tells Mr. Roper about the man upstairs. Brit-Mildred/Helen is putting on eye makeup during this scene, and Brit-Mildred is no longer in a dressing gown, but in a '50s/Peg Bundy look, with a pink scarf, black top, and pink capris. "He was in a pink satin robe/ girls' dressing gown, but he didn't fool me," Brit-Mildred/Helen says.
Mr. Roper: Are you sure it was a man? They all look alike these days.
Mrs. Roper: Not to me, they don't. Besides, I saw his chest hairs, peeping out.
Mr. Roper: That doesn't prove much. Look at your mother.
Brit-George/Amer-George says the man is probably planning to spend the night. "He already has."
Amer-George: You know what I'd like to do? I'd like to take those two girls and put one over each knee and give them a good spanking!
Amer-Mildred: Ah, George, those were the days.
Stanley: I wonder what's going on up there.
Helen: Oh, probably something delightfully kinky that only three can play.
Stanley storms out to "bounce him out on his ear."
Horrible hairy thing: Woman#1 is still talking. Brit-Chrissy introduces her to "Robin thingy." He shakes her hand. She doesn't seem particularly surprised to see a man in a gold dressing gown. Sam quickly introduces Zoe to "David something."
Zoe: If your friend likes to slip into things, my brother wears the same size. [How would she know?]
Sam: I wouldn't exactly call him a friend.
Patricia says the apartment is small, "but most of the time I'll be out here chin-wagging with you gals." Chrissy says, "This is the kitchen, where we chin our wags." She introduces Jack Tripper. Patricia definitely looks surprised, even shocked. Jo/Amer-Chrissy says they found Robin/Jack in the bathtub. Woman#1/Patricia says she found a spider in the tub. "Horrible hairy thing. I just opened my mouth and screamed. I've kept a plug in it ever since." Brit-Chrissy's line to Jo, "She could've fooled me," is partially obscured by laughter, while we can clearly hear Janet say the line. On the other hand, the joke works better on MatH because Woman#1 seems much chattier.
Jenny asks Zoe to leave her number. Zoe has it on a matchbook, she goes with the printer.
Brit-Chrissy asks the woman's name. "Gabrielle. But my friends call me Gabby," a pun. Janet starts to call the woman Patricia.
Pat: My friends call me Pattikins.
Janet: OK. (pause) Patricia.
One of the girls tells the woman that there are other girls coming over to look at the place (they hope). Mr. Roper comes over. He says the woman's outfit doesn't fool him. Brit-George/Amer-George says there are no male visitors allowed after twelve. (No one points out that it's now broad daylight.) Brit-George/Stanley orders the visitor, "Take those clothes off!" Patricia says, "I beg your pardon?" Stanley makes fun of her deep voice. Before Gabrielle can really react, Brit-George says she's not even convincing.
Mr. Roper points at the woman's chest and says that it doesn't look real, then he pokes it! We don't get a clear view of this on 3'sC1A, but it looks real on the other two pilots. Brit-George is embarrassed but amused by his mistake. Amer-George/Stanley is so stunned that he curls up his finger. Gabrielle slaps Mr. Roper and calls him a dirty old man. Patricia is very shocked and she hits him with her purse after calling him a dirty old man. Spacy Zoe on the other hand takes it in stride. When Mr. Roper exclaims, "It's real!" She says, "So's the other one." As Brit-George/Stanley exits, he says, "It's a mistake anyone could make. They don't look real." Amer-George's exit line, "It's just they looked different in my day," doesn't even make sense. Zoe cheerfully tells him, "Goodbye, Mr. Groper."
Gabrielle/Patricia holds her chest protectively and exclaims, "He squeezed my bosoms," Patricia pronouncing it in a funnier way. Jo says he must be overdoing something that sounds like "Filosan," while Amer-Chrissy muses, "Do you think he's taking too much Geritol?" Jenny's theory is that it "must be springtime in the fish tank." Gabrielle/Patricia exits saying she couldn't live in the same house (in the sense of building) with a man who'd do something like that. "He didn't even say please." Brit-Chrissy calls him Roper the Groper. Janet and Chrissy do "oh darn" finger-snaps. Zoe's exit line is "Dirty old men have always been very good to me." Jenny describes her to Sam as "banana-person."
Bon Appetit: The girls return to the kitchen. Robin/David politely tells them where to sit. Jack carefully seats Chrissy, but doesn't care where Janet sits. Brit-Chrissy/Jenny apologis/zes about the cutlery/silverware, "but that's British Rail/Howard Johnson's for you." (I guess HoJo's was funnier than Amtrak.) Jack is the one to apologize, but in a conceited way, "I hope it's all right. It's the best I could do under these primitive conditions."
Brit-Chrissy says the food "looks good. Smells good. And by God, it's revolting." Robin looks genuinely hurt, but she's just teasing. Jenny says, "This is not chewing. My teeth are applauding," which doesn't even make sense. Janet and Amer-Chrissy murmur their appreciation. "Oh, it's nothing really. Any genius could've done it." Robin/Jack says the name of his specialty.
Jo/Amer-Chrissy: What's that?
Robin/Jack: French. I eventually want to open a little restaurant for people who can really appreciate high prices.
Jo says he'll make someone a lovely wife someday. Sam reluctantly admits the food is very nice. Amer-Chrissy says, "This breakfast is good enough to eat." The man says he was happy for the chance to cook, since he doesn't get to at the Y, where he's staying. (Yes, even on the British show.) He hopes to find a place, but he'll probably have to share with someone.
Brit-Chrissy/Amer-Chrissy: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Jo/Janet: I might be./ I think so.
David asks what the commotion was with Zoe.
Jenny: We're just looking for someone to share the place. Someone who has a sense of humor. Someone who's strong and can make us feel more secure about living in Tinseltown.
Sam: Jenny, don't start.
David: I wish you luck. It's hard to find girls like that anymore.
Amer-Chrissy takes Jack's hand as she makes the invitation. "I like it already." But Janet wants to talk it over first. She and Chrissy take the food with them into the living room.
Low melting point: This scene is interesting for a couple reasons. One, there's no parallel in the earlier shows. And two, the funniest and raciest part got hacked out of syndication, so I don't think I ever saw it till DVD. Janet and Amer-Chrissy go over the pluses and minuses. Jack is a great cook and he'd be good protection. (Mrs. Roper had mentioned some burglaries in the neighborhood.) And he's very good-looking, which is a minus. Janet points out that Chrissy has "a very low melting point."
Janet: Look what happened with Frank.
Chrissy: I know. But Frank seemed so nice. He said he wanted me for a friend.
Janet: Yeah. And the next night he brought the friend.
Syndication picked up after "low melting point" with Chrissy saying, "You're right, but with Jack I'll be strong." Janet says Chrissy can't help herself. So Chrissy says Janet will have to be strong for both of them. Janet looks dismayed.
Meanwhile at the Ropers': I hope you're getting used to this cutting back and forth between flats/apartments. It's a standard feature of both shows (until the Ropers spin off onto The Ropers). Mr. Roper insists that it was a woman, he has a sensitive finger. Mrs. Roper says she knows a man when she sees one, mainly from memory, since it's been awhile since Mr. Roper laid his finger on her. Amer-Mildred says George has "erotic amnesia." He says, "I'll match my masculinity against yours any day." Brit-Mildred sleeps with a "sauna belt" (huh?), and George says it's like going to bed with the Michelin Man. Amer-Mildred tried wearing see-through nightgowns. "That was your first mistake." Stanley tells Helen she has "enough mouth for three lips."
An offer he can't refuse, or can he?: Sam cries over the home-cooking, the way the yellow eggs run out onto the ham. "All I could see was my mother's face." She says that her father "always said that breakfast had to be the first meal of the day." David sincerely says, "I feel the same way, Sam."
The girls suggest the man move in. They'll have to share everything, which Jack takes suggestively. Brit-Chrissy says that rent and such is "all we'd be sharing. One grope, Mate, and you'd be out."
Robin: I wouldn't dream of it.
Brit-Chrissy: You can dream of it as long as you don't make too much noise.
Robin worries what would happen if he "pulls a girl," then corrects this to bringing his girlfriend in for a quiet chat. Jo says they'd go to the pictures. The question doesn't come up on 3'sC, although it will feature in many plots later. Robin also worries that there's no lock on the loo door, and he bathes in the nude. "No!" Chrissy teases. She suggests he sing in the bath, like they do.
David: But you're women.
Sam: (adoringly, rather than as the line would seem to call for, sarcastically) Nothing gets by you, does it?
David says it would be a very tricky set-up. Sam says he's a much better cook than Eleanor.
Jenny: And you can't get pregnant on us.
David: You can't tell. I'm very popular.
Besides, Robin/David said he'd phone someone who's looking for a roommate. He borrows their phone.
Jo: Oh well, back to instant porridge, instant mash.
Brit-Chrissy: Instant indigestion.
The girls are amused that he's calling someone he met at the party, Douglas. Brit-Chrissy clues us in by doing a limp wrist. She calls Douglas divine. Jo says ducky. They giggle in the background. The American girls smile but say nothing. Douglas, who prefers to be called Dougy, had a tiff/spat with his roommate Geoffrey/Gregory.
Robin: Gay? Er, well you know. I'm a reasonably happy chap...Oh, sorry, that gay. (He deepens his voice.)
David: Buy? No, I don't want to buy. I want to rent. Oh, am I bi?
Robin/David says he can't move in. "No, that's not it. I didn't even know you wore a toupee." After he hangs up, Jo says he'd never have had to buy himself another box of chocolates. Jenny says, "You could've been up to your navel in turquoise." Robin/David reconsiders the offer. They tease that he's on the rebound. We learn that the American rent is $55/month each. Jo has him do the washing up, while Jenny more fairly says, "You wash, we'll dry." Robin puts on his knickers, "still a bit damp around the Prospect of Whitcombe" (sp?).
At various places in the pilots, Brit-Chrissy/Jenny/Janet tells Robin/David/Jack, any fooling around and they'll "take him straight to the vet." (It's in the closing tag of the earlier pilot, a scene that doesn't have an exact parallel in the other pilots.)
Jo/Sam/Amer-Chrissy says he can move in when he likes because the room is empty.
The Ropers drop by together this time. Mr. Roper says they're having a disagreement about "a certain matter of sex." (Stanley is the most uptight on this line delivery.) Brit-Chrissy/Jenny/Amer-Chrissy says, "Do you want to borrow a book/ our manual?" Mrs. Roper points out the man in drag. Mr. Roper says this isn't the man he saw earlier, and pokes Robin/David/Jack's chest.
Brit-Chrissy/Amer-Chrissy: This is our landlord and he's always doing that.
Jenny: That's our landlord. That's a new thing of his.
"How do you do? I'm Robin Tripp and I shall be moving in." Mr. Roper starts to describe Gabrielle and then he reacts. "You'll be doing no such thing!" He won't have "a fellow moving in with two birds."
"Nice to meet you, Sir. I'm going to be moving in here." Amer-George immediately reacts to David's announcement.
"Hi, Tripper. Jack Tripper. I'm moving in here." Mr. Roper keeps talking and then reacts. "Oh, no, you're not!"
Jo/Sam/Jack says it's "purely platonic.
Mr. Roper: What does that mean?
Mrs. Roper: Like you and me, George/Stanley.
Brit-George says, "I'm not having it." Chrissy says, "Neither would he be." Stanley says, "Even so, you can't move in here."
Robin/David/Jack says he'll put his trousers/pants on. Mrs. Roper, moving closer in the British version, says, "If you must, you must." Mr. Roper demands to know why the man had his trousers/pants off. Helen says they probably clashed with his dressing gown. Brit-Chrissy/Jenny says she can explain.
Changing trousers, changing society: In the kitchen, Jo/Sam/Amer-Chrissy and Robin/David/Jack talk. Robin says it's a permissive society, "the swinging '70s. Andy Warhol, Flesh, Trash, anything goes." Then he makes Jo turn away while he puts on his trousers.
Sam: I think Mr. Roper has a lot of preconceived fantasies.
David: I understand. His generation can be very uptight about anything that even hints at sex. Could you, uh, turn around while I put my pants on?"
David will probably have to return to the Y, "the Horatio Alger Suite." Robin offers to leave behind the recipe for breakfast, but Jo says the way she cooks it'd be sacrilege. Jack doesn't give a speech and he doesn't ask Chrissy to look away, although she does.
Robin suggests he grovel to Mr. Roper. Sam says David should talk to Mr. Roper, "grovel." Jack and Chrissy are more defiant, he planning to "lay into Mr. Roper," she with her hands on her hips as they stride back to the living room.
The Situation: Robin accidentally says Mr. Groper, but is very humble and polite. Jack is confrontational. And David of course starts to give a speech: "Mr. Roper, each time has its own realities. People must not superimpose their values on others. Now if we freely and willingly select a mode of living--"
Mr. Roper interrupts. Brit-Chrissy/Jenny/Janet explained it all. Brit-George won't shake hands though and he and Mildred leave quickly, looking very uncomfortable. The American Mrs. Ropers are maternal, calling the new roomie Dear, patting or pinching his cheek. The American Ropers exit smiling.
Brit-Chrissy seems very smug, whistling and crossing her arms. She says she set Mr. Roper's mind at rest, "mainly about the sex bit." She sits Robin down and puts her arm around his shoulder. She says he'll probably have to wear the dressing gown for the rest of his life, since she told Mr. Roper "you're a pooft." Robin winces. We don't see Jo's reaction.
Jenny says she reasoned with the Ropers, appealed to their common sense and logic. "And I told them you were gay." David and Sam are stunned.
Janet: I told him that Jack was a decent, respectable, hard-working young man.
Jack: And that did it?
Janet: Not quite. I also told him you were gay.
Chrissy is amused. Jack is so surprised that he falls off the couch.
Commentary next time!
Pilots, Part One
"When people asked me what I did for a living, I told them, 'I do pilots.' They all thought I was a stewardess"-- Suzanne Somers, 1982
I don't know how it's done nowadays, but back in the old days, most TV programs needed a pilot to sell to the network, whether or not the pilot itself aired. In the case of Three's Company, it took three pilots. The first and third were both based on the first episode of Man About the House. (As for that middle pilot, we'll get back to it in a later post) The first pilot showed potential but didn't click. That last pilot obviously did.
A pilot may just be a slice-of-show, a typical adventure for the characters. Often though, it's a way to introduce the characters by having one or more move into the area, so that we meet everybody along with the newbie(s). With a sitcom, it's a good time to set up that situation. The Brady Bunch, for instance, starts with Mike and Carol getting married, forming the bunch. With MatH/3'sC, the pilot is the chance to explain how that man moved in with those girls. (And, yes, I'm going to call them girls. That's what they're invariably referred to as, in both programs.) So the questions are, how well do these pilots introduce these characters, and do we care if and how it all works out for them?
The airdate for the pilot of MatH was 15 August 1973, and the episode's name was "Three's a Crowd" (later the title of the 3'sC spin-off based on Robin's Nest, but more about that much later). I don't know if the first 3'sC pilot got a name, but I'm guessing they called it what they called the final pilot, "A Man about the House." (Confused yet?) The first pilot was made in March 1976 and it was about a year later that the final pilot aired.
MatH starred Richard O'Sullivan as Robin, Paula Wilcox (the brunette) as Chrissy, and Sally Thomsett (the blonde) as Jo. You probably know that 3'sC starred John Ritter as Jack, Joyce DeWitt as Janet, and Suzanne Somers as Chrissy, but the earliest pilot had Valerie Curtin (the brunette) as Jenny and Suzanne Zenor (the blonde) as Samantha, or Sam. The American Ropers remained the same, Norman Fell and Audra Lindley, although at first they've got the British characters' first names, George and Mildred.
Ready? OK, on with the shows....
Opening Credits: MatH starts out with Robin on his scooter, leaving the technical college. Chrissy is on a bus and has just lost her fashionable red shoe. Jo first gets ogled by an old "blind" man and then mixes up her umbrella with that of another man. The three of them come home to their flat, Robin pushing his scooter. The tune is pleasant but has no lyrics.
The first 3'sC pilot (hereafter referred to as 3'sC1A) has the tune familiar to any fan of the show, but none of those friendly "come and knock on our door" lyrics. Instead a man is rather aggressively singing "Dooty-dooty-doo." We see an exterior shot of "Hacienda Palms," the apartment complex where this is set. Love-Boat-esque circles of the characters talking are superimposed onto that.
The third 3'sC pilot (AKA 3'sC1C) has the first season credits, with Jack falling off his bike, Janet watering a plant and accidentally Chrissy, and Mrs. Roper accidentally hitting Mr. Roper while playing darts in their living room. The music is heavy on the waa-waa pedal.
I don't know if any of these credits tell us much about the characters, but it's clear that 3'sC1A are the worst.
Opening Scene: All three pilots open in the girls' living room. On MatH, Chrissy emerges with a hangover, looking at the leftover booze. The radio is playing. On 3'sC1A, Jenny emerges with a mild hangover and turns off the TV, which is playing a commercial for Cosmic Bros of North Hollywood, who sell barstools, including for children. She finds some leftover wedding cake and makes the little bride mount the groom. American Chrissy in contrast has no trace of a hangover and instead vacuums. Janet on the other hand, has a severe hangover.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet: Have you no respect for the dying?
Jo/Amer-Chrissy: You're not dying.
Sam meanwhile says she's not a well person. Jenny replies, "You'll have to help with the mess, Snow White. It's the dwarves' day off."
Then we get Brit-Chrissy/Sam/Janet talking about "that terrible girl at the party" who tried to do a strip-tease. "That was me, wasn't it?" She worries that she ruined Eleanor's wedding reception, but Jo/Jenny/Amer-Chrissy assures her that Eleanor didn't even notice because her labor pains started and she was whisked off to the hospital. She had a boy, 7 lb, 8 oz.
Sam: Oh, I'm so happy for her! She always wanted a baby.
Jenny: Well, she did all the right things to get one.
Brit-Chrissy/Sam/Janet sticks out her tongue because she feels like crap. Jo/Jenny tells her to put it away or it'll attract flies, while Amer-Chrissy says she'd rather take a bath than look at Janet's tongue. Brit-Chrissy/Sam says she's going to take a bath and hopes to drown.
Brit-Chrissy/Amer-Chrissy made the hangover-inducing punch, which turned the ladle green.
Discovery in the Tub: Brit-Chrissy/Sam/Amer-Chrissy goes in the bathroom and draws back the curtain, revealing Robin/David/Jack sleeping in the tub, fully clothed. Sam does a double-take. Amer-Chrissy does a triple take. Jo/Sam asks, "Is he one of yours?", implying boyfriends. Jenny replies, "I never dated a porcelain freak." Amer-Chrissy asks, "Is he a friend of yours?" None of them have seen these men before. Brit-Chrissy briefly puts on glasses to look more closely. Janet gets the ladle for self-defense.
Jo/Amer-Chrissy suggests he's a burglar, but Brit-Chrissy/Janet scoffs that he came to steal the bathtub and fell asleep on the job. They can't have him in there, not with a girl coming by to look at Eleanor's room. Besides, as Jenny points out, "He'll get all soft and pruny."
Robin/David/Jack wakes himself up, turning over in the tub. He flounders. Robin turns off the water and slips a little. David gets some help from Sam. He thanks her and then gets startled. Jack turns the water on more before turning it off. Then when he sees the girls, he covers himself as if he's naked. The man says good evening, the girls correct him to good morning, except on 3'sC1A, where there's this cute exchange.
David: I guess this is your tub here.
Sam: Yes, this is our tub.
Jenny: We raised it from a sink.
The man introduces himself as Robin Tripp/David Bell/Jack Tripper, but not immediately in David's case. One girl introduces herself and her roommate, without mentioning last names. When David introduces himself, it's right after a very '60s-sounding anecdote about timing contractions of a woman in labor in the next tree at a rock concert. (Don't ask.)
Robin/David/Jack came with someone who knew a friend of one of the gatecrashers. Robin/David tried to be a good guest by bringing a bottle of cherry brandy/Scotch, "I hope you collect miniatures." He himself had some of that punch before passing out. In David's case he also sat next to someone "smoking something wrapped in a map of Mexico."
The man asks about the other girl, Robin/Jack miming her pregnancy, David calling her "pregnant and a half."
Brit-Chrissy/Jenny/Janet: She had a boy.
Robin/David/Jack: Yeah, she must've.
(Janet is the only one to look annoyed.)
Robin/David/Jack is dripping on the floor, so Brit-Chrissy/Jenny/Amer-Chrissy tells him to take his clothes off. He's very surprised.
Time to cut to the Ropers': Brit-George/Stanley feeds his bird, while Amer-George feeds his fish. Mrs. Roper paints her nails. Brit-George/Stanley says there's a crack in the ceiling from the party. Brit-Mildred says it's from a buzz bomb during the war. Helen says it's from the earthquake, the first time their bed moved in years. Stanley tells her, "Will you get your mind out of the bed and onto the ceiling?"
Brit-George/Stanley wouldn't have minded the party if he'd been invited. Brit-Mildred/Helen says he wouldn't have liked it, all those young girls. He wouldn't have been up to it, since he can't keep the pot boiling at home. And it was just a going-away party. "If you went away, I'd have a party." Meanwhile, Amer-George complains about the "orgies with loud music...and lewd dances." His wife says its the kind of party they used to have when they were alive. The party kept Amer-George/Stanley up till 3 in the morning. Amer-George would never have done that. "Well, up just isn't your direction, George." She elaborates that her menopause is so grateful to his for going first. Brit-George/Amer-George/Stanley says that it's too bad she doesn't live in India, because she'd be sacred. Helen retorts, "And contented."
Mr. Roper wonders who should go up and talk to the girls. Mrs. Roper says it should be the head of the household. "I'll go as soon as my nails are dry."
Cross-dressing: Back upstairs, the girls collect Robin/David/Jack's clothes to dry. Brit-Chrissy asks, "What about your knickers?" She and Jo giggle. Without completely opening the loo door, he hands over knickers with "pub signs" on them. When Amer-Chrissy asks if Jack has "anything else," he replies, "Only things that don't come off."
Robin emerges in a gold dressing gown with feathers. He feels like "an absolute berk." David emerges in a very short pink robe with feathers. Janet gets Jack a floral robe. These garments were left behind by Eleanor.
Brit-Chrissy says if she were a fellow, she'd fancy Robin. Jo says, "I've seen people arrested for less." Janet asks, "What do you think?" Amer-Chrissy replies, "I can't tell. I'm used to seeing it pregnant."
Janet will dry Jack's clothes in the oven. "Not too well done, huh?" he requests.
Robin/Jack wants to shave. Brit-Chrissy/Amer-Chrissy offers him her razor (funnier in the American version, where it's a round razor). Amer-Chrissy comments, "I have a very light beard."
Robin: Have you got any shaving cream?"
Brit-Chrissy: Yeah, of course. It's out there with me pipe and me rubber boots."
Brit-Chrissy/Amer-Chrissy offers Robin/Jack a cream that turns out to be for cleaning the sink.
No Recipe: In the kitchen, later enough that Janet and Chrissy have had time to change clothes, Jo/Sam/Chrissy is scraping burnt toast. Eleanor didn't leave the recipe. (This is bungled on 3'sC1A, where it's the scrambled eggs that don't have a recipe.) The scrambled eggs on MatH have black bits, possibly part of the no-stick coating. Jenny encourages Sam, "They'll be fine. The shells look ready."
Robin hasn't seen cooking like this since he left home, Southampton. There's a nice little sequence here, learning more about Robin. (In contrast, I think it was about six seasons in before I found out Jack was from San Diego.) On 3'sC1A, we get Jenny wise-cracking about the food, e.g. "The hearty man ate a condemned meal." And on 3'sC1C, we get this.
Jack: Do you mind if I eat in my boots?
Chrissy: I'd rather you ate off the table.
Robin/David/Jack, in descending order of politeness, can't eat the food and offers to make something edible. He's studying catering/cooking at the technical college, except in David's case, where he's a film student who likes to cook, having formerly worked at the Pup & Knish on Pico. Mostly though, he's "obsessed" with film. He says, "Even my dreams have credits at the end." And "Film is to me what thumbscrews were to the Marquis de Sade." Jack will be "The Galloping Gourmet of 1980." (And that's indeed when he graduates.)
Janet: Oh, it takes that long.
Jack: You have to trot before you can gallop. Who said that?
Brit-Chrissy and Jo give Robin funny looks for "doing something not a lot of men do." He says, "I know what you're thinking but I'm not." He says all the great chefs are men. The American girls don't think there's anything queer about David/Jack cooking.
Robin/David/Jack uses their leftovers--shallots, eggs, butter, mushrooms, and oh yeah, mousetrap cheddar (MatH).
Robin/Jack: Can you boil an egg?
Brit-Chrissy/Amer-Chrissy: I don't know. Eleanor did all the cooking.
Jack pats Chrissy's head.
We never find out in the pilot what Brit-Chrissy and Jo do for a living. But Sam is an actress/model/dancer who recently did a commercial for "The Jacques Cousteau of the clergy." As Jenny says, "They make you want to run right out and buy a Baptist." Jenny works for the DMV, which David gets mixed-up with the DMZ. We later learn that Amer-Chrissy works in a pool, a typing pool.
Jack: A typist? With a shape like that?
Chrissy: Oh, it doesn't get in the way.
Jack is so busy lusting after Chrissy that he doesn't care that Janet works in a flower shop. In the comparable scene of 3'sC1A, David tells Jenny that cooking is like making a film, leading to "a culinary climax if you will." She replies, "Whatever gets you through the night."
Robin wants bread crumbs, so Brit-Chrissy offers the ones from her bed. He says he'll make his own. Jo finds this hilarious and says, "You don't make bread crumbs! They just fall off the bread." (On 3'sC1C, both girls' lines go to Amer-Chrissy, although she's not as amused as Jo.) Robin/David/Jack wants a heaped/heaping tablespoon of milk. Amer-Chrissy is understandably puzzled.
Jack wants wine as well, so Janet decides to make some from the party leftovers. Oddly, although her voice sometimes verges on New-York Italian in the early seasons, she somehow says, "Does it have to all be one colour?" I swear I can hear a British intonation on it, and I was surprised to find it wasn't one of the lines from MatH.
Mrs. Roper shows up to complain about the party noise. Brit-Chrissy/Janet says she was going to come down. "Yes, through the ceiling we thought." Mrs. Roper didn't mind the music but she was bothered by the foul language. Brit-Chrissy/Janet protests that there wasn't any. "You weren't down there with Mr. Roper." Brit-Chrissy/Janet says Mr. Roper was banging on the ceiling with a broom handle, Brit-Chrissy adding that it wasn't even in time with the music.
Brit-Mildred keeps calling Chrissy Dear, and Helen calls Janet Honey, but Amer-Mildred is less maternal. She not only complains about the "permissive-sounding party," but she says that there are porno theaters in the neighborhood and right now people are "being massaged out of their minds." Robin/David/Jack comes in briefly to get the wine/a watch to time the eggs. Brit-Chrissy/Jenny says that that's just someone who spent the night. Before leaving, Mrs. Roper says, "I don't want to worry you, but I think that's a man dressed up." On 3'sC1C, Janet is a lot more worried, and she not only pushes Jack out of the room, but she lies and says he's a "girlfriend who spent the night." Mrs. Roper is skeptical, but Janet ushers her out.
To be continued....
I don't know how it's done nowadays, but back in the old days, most TV programs needed a pilot to sell to the network, whether or not the pilot itself aired. In the case of Three's Company, it took three pilots. The first and third were both based on the first episode of Man About the House. (As for that middle pilot, we'll get back to it in a later post) The first pilot showed potential but didn't click. That last pilot obviously did.
A pilot may just be a slice-of-show, a typical adventure for the characters. Often though, it's a way to introduce the characters by having one or more move into the area, so that we meet everybody along with the newbie(s). With a sitcom, it's a good time to set up that situation. The Brady Bunch, for instance, starts with Mike and Carol getting married, forming the bunch. With MatH/3'sC, the pilot is the chance to explain how that man moved in with those girls. (And, yes, I'm going to call them girls. That's what they're invariably referred to as, in both programs.) So the questions are, how well do these pilots introduce these characters, and do we care if and how it all works out for them?
The airdate for the pilot of MatH was 15 August 1973, and the episode's name was "Three's a Crowd" (later the title of the 3'sC spin-off based on Robin's Nest, but more about that much later). I don't know if the first 3'sC pilot got a name, but I'm guessing they called it what they called the final pilot, "A Man about the House." (Confused yet?) The first pilot was made in March 1976 and it was about a year later that the final pilot aired.
MatH starred Richard O'Sullivan as Robin, Paula Wilcox (the brunette) as Chrissy, and Sally Thomsett (the blonde) as Jo. You probably know that 3'sC starred John Ritter as Jack, Joyce DeWitt as Janet, and Suzanne Somers as Chrissy, but the earliest pilot had Valerie Curtin (the brunette) as Jenny and Suzanne Zenor (the blonde) as Samantha, or Sam. The American Ropers remained the same, Norman Fell and Audra Lindley, although at first they've got the British characters' first names, George and Mildred.
Ready? OK, on with the shows....
Opening Credits: MatH starts out with Robin on his scooter, leaving the technical college. Chrissy is on a bus and has just lost her fashionable red shoe. Jo first gets ogled by an old "blind" man and then mixes up her umbrella with that of another man. The three of them come home to their flat, Robin pushing his scooter. The tune is pleasant but has no lyrics.
The first 3'sC pilot (hereafter referred to as 3'sC1A) has the tune familiar to any fan of the show, but none of those friendly "come and knock on our door" lyrics. Instead a man is rather aggressively singing "Dooty-dooty-doo." We see an exterior shot of "Hacienda Palms," the apartment complex where this is set. Love-Boat-esque circles of the characters talking are superimposed onto that.
The third 3'sC pilot (AKA 3'sC1C) has the first season credits, with Jack falling off his bike, Janet watering a plant and accidentally Chrissy, and Mrs. Roper accidentally hitting Mr. Roper while playing darts in their living room. The music is heavy on the waa-waa pedal.
I don't know if any of these credits tell us much about the characters, but it's clear that 3'sC1A are the worst.
Opening Scene: All three pilots open in the girls' living room. On MatH, Chrissy emerges with a hangover, looking at the leftover booze. The radio is playing. On 3'sC1A, Jenny emerges with a mild hangover and turns off the TV, which is playing a commercial for Cosmic Bros of North Hollywood, who sell barstools, including for children. She finds some leftover wedding cake and makes the little bride mount the groom. American Chrissy in contrast has no trace of a hangover and instead vacuums. Janet on the other hand, has a severe hangover.
Brit-Chrissy/Janet: Have you no respect for the dying?
Jo/Amer-Chrissy: You're not dying.
Sam meanwhile says she's not a well person. Jenny replies, "You'll have to help with the mess, Snow White. It's the dwarves' day off."
Then we get Brit-Chrissy/Sam/Janet talking about "that terrible girl at the party" who tried to do a strip-tease. "That was me, wasn't it?" She worries that she ruined Eleanor's wedding reception, but Jo/Jenny/Amer-Chrissy assures her that Eleanor didn't even notice because her labor pains started and she was whisked off to the hospital. She had a boy, 7 lb, 8 oz.
Sam: Oh, I'm so happy for her! She always wanted a baby.
Jenny: Well, she did all the right things to get one.
Brit-Chrissy/Sam/Janet sticks out her tongue because she feels like crap. Jo/Jenny tells her to put it away or it'll attract flies, while Amer-Chrissy says she'd rather take a bath than look at Janet's tongue. Brit-Chrissy/Sam says she's going to take a bath and hopes to drown.
Brit-Chrissy/Amer-Chrissy made the hangover-inducing punch, which turned the ladle green.
Discovery in the Tub: Brit-Chrissy/Sam/Amer-Chrissy goes in the bathroom and draws back the curtain, revealing Robin/David/Jack sleeping in the tub, fully clothed. Sam does a double-take. Amer-Chrissy does a triple take. Jo/Sam asks, "Is he one of yours?", implying boyfriends. Jenny replies, "I never dated a porcelain freak." Amer-Chrissy asks, "Is he a friend of yours?" None of them have seen these men before. Brit-Chrissy briefly puts on glasses to look more closely. Janet gets the ladle for self-defense.
Jo/Amer-Chrissy suggests he's a burglar, but Brit-Chrissy/Janet scoffs that he came to steal the bathtub and fell asleep on the job. They can't have him in there, not with a girl coming by to look at Eleanor's room. Besides, as Jenny points out, "He'll get all soft and pruny."
Robin/David/Jack wakes himself up, turning over in the tub. He flounders. Robin turns off the water and slips a little. David gets some help from Sam. He thanks her and then gets startled. Jack turns the water on more before turning it off. Then when he sees the girls, he covers himself as if he's naked. The man says good evening, the girls correct him to good morning, except on 3'sC1A, where there's this cute exchange.
David: I guess this is your tub here.
Sam: Yes, this is our tub.
Jenny: We raised it from a sink.
The man introduces himself as Robin Tripp/David Bell/Jack Tripper, but not immediately in David's case. One girl introduces herself and her roommate, without mentioning last names. When David introduces himself, it's right after a very '60s-sounding anecdote about timing contractions of a woman in labor in the next tree at a rock concert. (Don't ask.)
Robin/David/Jack came with someone who knew a friend of one of the gatecrashers. Robin/David tried to be a good guest by bringing a bottle of cherry brandy/Scotch, "I hope you collect miniatures." He himself had some of that punch before passing out. In David's case he also sat next to someone "smoking something wrapped in a map of Mexico."
The man asks about the other girl, Robin/Jack miming her pregnancy, David calling her "pregnant and a half."
Brit-Chrissy/Jenny/Janet: She had a boy.
Robin/David/Jack: Yeah, she must've.
(Janet is the only one to look annoyed.)
Robin/David/Jack is dripping on the floor, so Brit-Chrissy/Jenny/Amer-Chrissy tells him to take his clothes off. He's very surprised.
Time to cut to the Ropers': Brit-George/Stanley feeds his bird, while Amer-George feeds his fish. Mrs. Roper paints her nails. Brit-George/Stanley says there's a crack in the ceiling from the party. Brit-Mildred says it's from a buzz bomb during the war. Helen says it's from the earthquake, the first time their bed moved in years. Stanley tells her, "Will you get your mind out of the bed and onto the ceiling?"
Brit-George/Stanley wouldn't have minded the party if he'd been invited. Brit-Mildred/Helen says he wouldn't have liked it, all those young girls. He wouldn't have been up to it, since he can't keep the pot boiling at home. And it was just a going-away party. "If you went away, I'd have a party." Meanwhile, Amer-George complains about the "orgies with loud music...and lewd dances." His wife says its the kind of party they used to have when they were alive. The party kept Amer-George/Stanley up till 3 in the morning. Amer-George would never have done that. "Well, up just isn't your direction, George." She elaborates that her menopause is so grateful to his for going first. Brit-George/Amer-George/Stanley says that it's too bad she doesn't live in India, because she'd be sacred. Helen retorts, "And contented."
Mr. Roper wonders who should go up and talk to the girls. Mrs. Roper says it should be the head of the household. "I'll go as soon as my nails are dry."
Cross-dressing: Back upstairs, the girls collect Robin/David/Jack's clothes to dry. Brit-Chrissy asks, "What about your knickers?" She and Jo giggle. Without completely opening the loo door, he hands over knickers with "pub signs" on them. When Amer-Chrissy asks if Jack has "anything else," he replies, "Only things that don't come off."
Robin emerges in a gold dressing gown with feathers. He feels like "an absolute berk." David emerges in a very short pink robe with feathers. Janet gets Jack a floral robe. These garments were left behind by Eleanor.
Brit-Chrissy says if she were a fellow, she'd fancy Robin. Jo says, "I've seen people arrested for less." Janet asks, "What do you think?" Amer-Chrissy replies, "I can't tell. I'm used to seeing it pregnant."
Janet will dry Jack's clothes in the oven. "Not too well done, huh?" he requests.
Robin/Jack wants to shave. Brit-Chrissy/Amer-Chrissy offers him her razor (funnier in the American version, where it's a round razor). Amer-Chrissy comments, "I have a very light beard."
Robin: Have you got any shaving cream?"
Brit-Chrissy: Yeah, of course. It's out there with me pipe and me rubber boots."
Brit-Chrissy/Amer-Chrissy offers Robin/Jack a cream that turns out to be for cleaning the sink.
No Recipe: In the kitchen, later enough that Janet and Chrissy have had time to change clothes, Jo/Sam/Chrissy is scraping burnt toast. Eleanor didn't leave the recipe. (This is bungled on 3'sC1A, where it's the scrambled eggs that don't have a recipe.) The scrambled eggs on MatH have black bits, possibly part of the no-stick coating. Jenny encourages Sam, "They'll be fine. The shells look ready."
Robin hasn't seen cooking like this since he left home, Southampton. There's a nice little sequence here, learning more about Robin. (In contrast, I think it was about six seasons in before I found out Jack was from San Diego.) On 3'sC1A, we get Jenny wise-cracking about the food, e.g. "The hearty man ate a condemned meal." And on 3'sC1C, we get this.
Jack: Do you mind if I eat in my boots?
Chrissy: I'd rather you ate off the table.
Robin/David/Jack, in descending order of politeness, can't eat the food and offers to make something edible. He's studying catering/cooking at the technical college, except in David's case, where he's a film student who likes to cook, having formerly worked at the Pup & Knish on Pico. Mostly though, he's "obsessed" with film. He says, "Even my dreams have credits at the end." And "Film is to me what thumbscrews were to the Marquis de Sade." Jack will be "The Galloping Gourmet of 1980." (And that's indeed when he graduates.)
Janet: Oh, it takes that long.
Jack: You have to trot before you can gallop. Who said that?
Brit-Chrissy and Jo give Robin funny looks for "doing something not a lot of men do." He says, "I know what you're thinking but I'm not." He says all the great chefs are men. The American girls don't think there's anything queer about David/Jack cooking.
Robin/David/Jack uses their leftovers--shallots, eggs, butter, mushrooms, and oh yeah, mousetrap cheddar (MatH).
Robin/Jack: Can you boil an egg?
Brit-Chrissy/Amer-Chrissy: I don't know. Eleanor did all the cooking.
Jack pats Chrissy's head.
We never find out in the pilot what Brit-Chrissy and Jo do for a living. But Sam is an actress/model/dancer who recently did a commercial for "The Jacques Cousteau of the clergy." As Jenny says, "They make you want to run right out and buy a Baptist." Jenny works for the DMV, which David gets mixed-up with the DMZ. We later learn that Amer-Chrissy works in a pool, a typing pool.
Jack: A typist? With a shape like that?
Chrissy: Oh, it doesn't get in the way.
Jack is so busy lusting after Chrissy that he doesn't care that Janet works in a flower shop. In the comparable scene of 3'sC1A, David tells Jenny that cooking is like making a film, leading to "a culinary climax if you will." She replies, "Whatever gets you through the night."
Robin wants bread crumbs, so Brit-Chrissy offers the ones from her bed. He says he'll make his own. Jo finds this hilarious and says, "You don't make bread crumbs! They just fall off the bread." (On 3'sC1C, both girls' lines go to Amer-Chrissy, although she's not as amused as Jo.) Robin/David/Jack wants a heaped/heaping tablespoon of milk. Amer-Chrissy is understandably puzzled.
Jack wants wine as well, so Janet decides to make some from the party leftovers. Oddly, although her voice sometimes verges on New-York Italian in the early seasons, she somehow says, "Does it have to all be one colour?" I swear I can hear a British intonation on it, and I was surprised to find it wasn't one of the lines from MatH.
Mrs. Roper shows up to complain about the party noise. Brit-Chrissy/Janet says she was going to come down. "Yes, through the ceiling we thought." Mrs. Roper didn't mind the music but she was bothered by the foul language. Brit-Chrissy/Janet protests that there wasn't any. "You weren't down there with Mr. Roper." Brit-Chrissy/Janet says Mr. Roper was banging on the ceiling with a broom handle, Brit-Chrissy adding that it wasn't even in time with the music.
Brit-Mildred keeps calling Chrissy Dear, and Helen calls Janet Honey, but Amer-Mildred is less maternal. She not only complains about the "permissive-sounding party," but she says that there are porno theaters in the neighborhood and right now people are "being massaged out of their minds." Robin/David/Jack comes in briefly to get the wine/a watch to time the eggs. Brit-Chrissy/Jenny says that that's just someone who spent the night. Before leaving, Mrs. Roper says, "I don't want to worry you, but I think that's a man dressed up." On 3'sC1C, Janet is a lot more worried, and she not only pushes Jack out of the room, but she lies and says he's a "girlfriend who spent the night." Mrs. Roper is skeptical, but Janet ushers her out.
To be continued....
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